1503: Mr De Vil – Chapter Three

Title: Mr De Vil
Author: CreepyCat
Media: Books/Movies
Topic: Harry Potter / 101/102 Dalmatians
Genre: none listed
URL: Chapter Three
Critiqued by Addicted Reader

Hello again, dear readers.  Welcome to the third and final chapter of the only Harry Potter101 Dalmations crossover fic on ff.net, “Mr De Vil.”  It’s been a rather pointless and grammatically irritating ride so far.  Cruella De Vil’s little brother, age thirty, who has not been given a first name, is off to Hogwarts for an unknown reason with an unexplained “plan.”  He met Harry, Ron, and Hermione and then fell on his ass and ran away.

Let’s finish this off, shall we?

Chapter 3

He finally found his seat and took it as fast as he could. The feeling of misery traveled with him.

Well, he’s traveling on a train, where’s it gonna go?

-” Well, at least I was charming…”, Mr. De Vil tried to console himself.

Yeah, not so much.  Lots of creepy, though.

He wanted to get his mind out of the embarrassment he experienced before. For a moment, he succeeded, but his leg started to hurt again so he couldn`t stop thinking about it.

“get his mind out” – I think his mind is already pretty out there.

Not long after, Mr. De Vil started daydreaming.

He saw himself in the most beautiful clothes, the one no one had ever seen before and he was proud because he owned it. Everyone in Hogwarts bowed to him as he was their admiration and role model, but also the person they feared the most.

Since Lyle’s comment on Chapter One, the first thing that comes to mind when I read this is that Mr. De Vil’s made clothes out of Harry.  And I really don’t want that in my mind!

::cannonballs into brain bleach jacuzzi::

I’m just going to stay here a while.

He was limping, but had an exquisite cane, made out of the beat material with the most beautiful decorations in the whole world. That was very important detail. His limping, that is.

“The most beautiful in the whole world”?  This author/character sounds like my preschool-age son.  Everything is the most superlative ever.  I’m finding it harder and harder to believe this character is thirty or that the author is older than twelve.

Mr. De Vil thought it made him look wiser and braver, like he had experienced something extremely tragic but came out of it alive. And, when people see you like that, they feel sympathy towards you. That was his idea.

How does a limp make him look wiser?  Braver I almost get, but wiser?!?  It could mean he did something extremely stupid and was lucky to come out alive.  “Tragic” isn’t a way to build character – a lesson many, many fic authors need to learn.

So above he wants people to admire him and fear him and here we wants their sympathy?  You have to pick one, those options are incompatible.

As he looked in a different direction, his daydreaming suddenly stopped.

Huh?

-” I don’t think this is the wound that will make me start limping”, he said disappointedly

Two options:

  1. Limp anyway even without a real wound.
  2. I’ll give you something to limp about!

Moving on.

-” I mean, it is not even a wound. It just hurts a bit. Okay, it hurts a lot. “

Really?  He fell, but he’s not wounded, but it hurts a lot?  Again, PICK ONE!

While he was saying that, he got a sudden urge to cry. Mr. De Vil might be a grown man, but he was also a sensitive one. He was barely controlling his tears.

It’s alright to cry.  Even for grown men.

-“Mister, are you alright?” A dreamy voice echoed in Mr. De Vil`s ears.

How big are his ears that there are echoes in there?

He glanced towards the source of the voice, only to find rather unusual girl in front of him. She had blonde hair and was actually pretty despite the weird clothes she was wearing.

People who wear weird clothes can be pretty?!?!?  MIND.  BLOWN.

::smack::

Not nice, author.

Also, hi Luna!  It is nice to see characters brought out of the background.  Harry doesn’t interact with her until Book Five, but she’s been at Hogwarts for three years already at that point, so there’s plenty of space to explore her character.  Not that that’s what this author is going to do , though, I’m sure.

-” Yes, why? Are you here to laugh at me?!”

Um, you’re limping and almost crying.  Seems pretty reasonable that she asked if you’re alright.

-” No, sir. I am here to ask you if you need a tissue because you look like you are about to cry.”

Like I said.

He was nervous. He did not know what to think. Is this girl mocking him?

Since it’s Luna, I can pretty confidently say that she’s not.  But he would totally deserve it.

Mr. De Vil took a glimpse at her one more time. She did look special, there was no doubt about it, and there was no sign of mocking. Realising that, he sighed and changed his expression in an instant.

What sort of “special”?  There are a few ways to take that when referring to Luna.

Before all, he put a smile on his face, that devilish one and took one rose out of his black and white bag and gave it to her.

Oh, not again, please stop smarming on the pre/teens.  It’s not charming, it’s creepy.

-” That is very kind of you, my beautiful lady. Luna, is it?

How on Earth does he know who she is?  Sure, everyone knows Harry, but even if Mr. De Vil has heard of Luna’s father, why would he know her?!?

Ugh, creepier and creepier.

-” Yes, sir. ”

-” My dear Luna. The beauty you possess is beyond this world, your voice is like a dream come true but i am afraid that the moon is not worthy of your name, for you shine more than it ever will.

So please, take this rose. “

I.  Said.  STOP!

When he finished his monologue, he expected her to be impressed, to admire him and eventually, develop a crush on him, just as he wanted that with Hermione. Instead, she looked as if she wasn`t even listening, like she was in her own world.

Oh, I hate when I’m right.  Back to the brain bleach jacuzzi for me.

It would be an understatement to say that Mr. De Vil was shocked.

So he knows who Luna is but is shocked that she’s a space cadet?  Idiot.

-” Every girl reacts to me in some sort of way. But this one just looks spaced out.”, he thought to himslef, “Well, that will not do.”

I hope most of those girls react to you with “Ew, get away from me!!!”  Dude, you’re THIRTY, leave the girls alone.

He gently coughed in order to get her attention, but nothing. He snapped his fingers in front of her, and finally, she looked at him.

See above, re:  space cadet.

-” Here is a tissue. It will be fine, you know? Your leg will not hurt for long, I promise”, she smiled.

I have to say that I’m surprised, with everything that sucks about this fic, that Luna’s characterization is pretty good.

Mr. De Vil opened his mouth like he was about to say something, but he decided not to because he was really confused. He just stared at her for another minute.

Yeah, Luna does that to people.

As he finally thought of proper words to say, everything became dark. Dark, cold and sad. Like all the happiness had just gone from this world…

Here come the dementors!

But fortunately for both Mr. De Vil and for us, the fic ends here.

Yup, that’s it!  No answer to what Mr. De Vil’s grand plan is, why he’s going to Hogwarts, or even what his name is.

And since this fic was last updated a year and a half ago, I doubt we’re going to get any answers.  Oh well.

So long!

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12 Comments on “1503: Mr De Vil – Chapter Three”

  1. GhostCat says:

    For a moment, he succeeded, but his leg started to hurt again so he couldn`t stop thinking about it.

    Today the part of Nameless DeVil will be played by Dr. Gregory House.

  2. GhostCat says:

    So please, take this rose. “

    What rose? Is he carrying roses, and if so why? Why hasn’t this been mentioned before now?

  3. AdmiralSakai says:

    He was limping, but had an exquisite cane, made out of the beat material

    Not only are his clothes made out of Harry, his cane is made out of slam poets!

  4. BatJamags says:

    I am so confused right now.

  5. Swenia says:

    ” That is very kind of you, my beautiful lady. Luna, is it?

    Welp, I know somebody who is getting a plasma bolt to the face once we finish piecing together the literary transporter.

    • Swenia says:

      -” My dear Luna. The beauty you possess is beyond this world, your voice is like a dream come true but i am afraid that the moon is not worthy of your name, for you shine more than it ever will.

      So please, take this rose. “

      Did I say bolt? How silly of me, I meant grenade.

  6. "Lyle" says:

    Since Lyle’s comment on Chapter One, the first thing that comes to mind when I read this is that Mr. De Vil’s made clothes out of Harry. And I really don’t want that in my mind!

    I’mma helper!


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