1502: suicidemouse.avi and Squidward’s Suicide – One Shots

Title: suicidemouse.avi
Author: Unknown
Media: Telvision / Cartoons
Topic: Mickey Mouse
Genre: Creepypasta
URL: suicidemouse.avi

Title: Squidward’s Suicide
Author: Unknown
Media: Television / Cartoons
Topic: Spongbob Squarepants
Genre: Creepypasta
URL: Squidward’s Suicide

Critiqued by AdmiralSakai and Gul

WARNING –

Once again, these so-called “horror” stories are not at all scary, but do contain gore, dead kids, and other content that may be offensive or inappropriate for a work or school environment. Proceed with caution.

[Trigger material, people.  Suicide is one.  And if you’re even the slightest bit sensitive about violent mutilation of children, do not read this one.  If you need me, I’ll be hugging my cat inside a blanket fort – Lyle]

Hello hello, everyone! We’re taking another break from Love of a Spartan to read some godawful “creepypasta”.

Today, we’ll be looking at two stories with essentially the same idea: ‘What if Sonic.exe was about a television show?’”

Yes, that’s really about it as far as the premise goes. Our first story, suicidemouse.avi, is actually proving very difficult to attribute properly- it first appeared on CPW in August 2011, but the “author” there just claims it is a repost and that the true author is “unknown”.

And, quite honestly, if I had written suicidemouse.avi I’d be afraid to show my face in public as well.”

Also note that it is still on CPW, with thousands of positive comments- this should give you some idea of what the site’s quality standards are like.

Let’s begin.

mickey

So, we start with a boring-ass picture ripped directly from some random early Mickey Mouse cartoon, but at least it’s not hyper-realistic or sloshing with BLOOOOOOD this time.

So do any of you remember those Mickey Mouse cartoons from the 1930s?

Umm… not really?

Finally! A story that obsessively panders to my generation!”

flag

The ones that were just put out on DVD a few years ago? Well, I hear there is one that was unreleased to even the most avid classic Disney fans.

According to sources, it’s nothing special. It’s just a continuous loop (like Flintstones) of Mickey walking past six buildings that goes on for two or three minutes before fading out.

I’ll admit that my knowledge of animation isn’t great, but IIRC 1) The Flintstones came out in the 1960s, and 2), it was always a plot-based show with proper scenes, as opposed to the animation-test-like format described here.

Unlike the cutesy tunes put in though, the song on this cartoon was not a song at all, just a constant banging on a piano for a minute and a half before going to white noise for the remainder of the film.

Much like this story is not a story at all, just a constant banging on a keyboard for about three pages.

It wasn’t the jolly old Mickey we’ve come to love either, Mickey wasn’t dancing, not even smiling, just kind of walking as if you or I were walking, with a normal facial expression,

Scaaaaaaaary…”

but for some reason his head tilted side to side as he kept this dismal look.

Dismal? You just said it was “normal” one whole sentence ago! Is Author McAuthorson even paying any attention to-

*A √-20 megaton Logic Bomb detonates inside the control room, blasting Sakai with a wave of freezing heat and razor-dull shrapnel.*

… OW?

Up until a year or two ago, everyone believed that after it cut to black and that was it.

I think the logic bomb also took out part of that sentence…”

When Leonard Maltin was reviewing the cartoon to be put in the complete series,

“Hi?”

“Hi?”

he decided it was too junk to be on the DVD,

After reading this story, I’m inclined to agree.”

but wanted to have a digital copy due to the fact that it was a creation of Walt. When he had a digitized version up on his computer to look at the file, he noticed something.

The cartoon was actually 9 minutes and 4 seconds long.

Ok, this author obviously has no idea how digitization actually works:

Digitizing something on physical media is a mechanical process- a technician feeds the film into a projector that basically takes a digital picture of every frame on it, and those pictures get fed into a simple piece of software that splices them together into the digital movie (and does much more complicated things like compressing it down into a codec, synching up audio, and so on, but that’s not really important here). Since this is a somewhat delicate process, the tech stays there for the entire run and monitors things- something like the length of the movie being off would be spotted well before it got back to Maltin.

Actually, for that matter, I’m not sure if this author even knows how film works. If the film is supposed to be nine minutes and four seconds long, that means there’s nine minutes and four seconds’ worth of physical tape there. Tape with actual frames on it, which you can see, showing what happens in those nine minutes and four seconds. To watch it at all someone would need to thread it into a projector, and it would be transparently obvious that even after it cut to black there was still more than half the film remaining!

Disney must hire fantastically unobservant technicians… which actually makes the rest of the story at least a bit less implausible.”

This is what my source emailed to me, in full (he is a personal assistant of one of the higher executives at Disney, and acquaintance of Mr. Maltin himself):

And he just happens to sound exactly like the previous narrator…

“After it cut to black, it stayed like that until the 6th minute, before going back into Mickey walking. The sound was different this time. It was a murmur. It wasn’t a language, but more like a gurgled cry.

Fear the existential horror of gargling!

As the noise got more indistinguishable and loud over the next minute, the picture began to get weird. The sidewalk started to go in directions that seemed impossible based on the physics of Mickeys walking.

Because, if there is one thing early human animation is known for, it is a meticulous adherence to the laws of physics.”

 

I hear they called in Michio Kaku as a consultant.”

And the dismal face of the mouse was slowly curling into a smirk.

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA….d

On the 7th minute, the murmur turned into a bloodcurdling scream (the kind of scream painful to hear)

Much like this description is painful to read

and the picture was getting more obscure. Colors were happening that shouldn’t have been possible at the time.

According to Saint Wikipedia, the first color film was made as far back as 1902. Granted, that was discovered in 2012 after this story had apparently been circulating for a while, but the technology was pretty well-attested as far back as the 1910s.

I don’t think our mysterious author did any research at all!”

Mickey’s face began to fall apart. his eyes rolled on the bottom of his chin like two marbles in a fishbowl, and his curled smile was pointing upward on the left side of his face.

The buildings became rubble floating in midair and the sidewalk was still impossibly navigating in warped directions, a few seeming inconceivable with what we, as humans, know about direction.

Oh, they’re dextro directions! Of course!”

Mr. Maltin got disturbed and left the room, sending an employee to finish the video and take notes of everything happening up until the last second, and afterward immediately store the disc of the cartoon into the vault. This distorted screaming lasted until 8 minutes and a few seconds in,

Wait, what distorted screaming?

I think they’re still talking about the screaming from three paragraphs up.”

So, not the distorted screaming of Leonard Maltin, then?

and then it abruptly cuts to the Mickey Mouse face at the credits of the end of every video with what sounded like a broken music box playing in the background.

Oh, hello there, tense shift!

It wouldn’t be a creepypasta without at least one…”

This happened for about 30 seconds, and whatever was in that remaining 30 seconds I haven’t been able to get a sliver of information about.

I bet there’s porn in there.

From a security guard working under me who was making rounds outside of that room, I was told that after the last frame, the employee stumbled out of the room with pale skin saying “Real suffering is not known” seven times before speedily taking the guard’s pistol and offing himself on the spot.

Well, that was anticlimactic.”

Hey there, everybody at home! This here’s a hands-on riff! All you need to do is find the nearest security guard, orderly, or police officer, walk up to them, and recite “Real suffering is not known” seven times as quickly as you can while remaining understandable. Now, notice how the test subject has gotten safely out of grabbing distance and/or tackled you? This is because many people in the real world (although certainly not all) have several specialized organs located inside their heads, which serve to prevent them from standing around gormlessly while potentially dangerous things take place directly in front of them.

The thing I could get out of Leonard Maltin was that the last frame was a piece of Russian text that roughly said “the sights of hell bring its viewers back in”.

I didn’t know Leonard Maltin spoke Russian.

Then again, that should really be ‘the sights of hell bring their viewers back in’, so he obviously doesn’t speak it very well.”

As far as I know, no one else has seen it, but there have been dozens of attempts at getting the file on rapidshare by employees inside the studios, all of whom have been promptly terminated of their jobs.

Wait, if this film is so dangerous, why do ‘dozens’ of employees have access to it in the first place? My lab doesn’t even let us use the wire cutters without having a postgrad around to unlock the toolkit and make sure we don’t start chopping up live extension cords.

Actually, it makes perfect sense. The employees whose first thought upon finding the blatantly obvious kill meme is to give it to the Internet are the ones you don’t want to bother keeping around until official performance reviews.”

Whether it got online or not is up for debate, but if rumors serve me right, it’s online somewhere under “suicidemouse.avi”. If you ever find a copy of the film, I want you to never view it, and to contact me by phone immediately, regardless of the time.

Using this phone number you have helpfully not provided.

When a Disney Death is covered up as well as this,

I.e. not very well at all, if we’re hearing about it…”

it means this has to be something huge.

Or something hugely overrated.

Get back at me,

TR”

I’ve yet to find a copy of this, but it is out there. I know it.

truth

So overall… this story wasn’t completely horrible. It made no goddamn sense from a logistical perspective, and it’s painfully obvious the author is another overgrown 90s kid who couldn’t be arsed to look up how any audiovisual technology other than YouTube or VHS actually works, but by CPW standards the grammar is not terrible, and I actually thought that some of the more surreal imagery with Mickey’s face falling apart was kind of interesting. I’d also point to the complete lack of “hyper-realistic” nonsense or oceans of blood as evidence that despite the shared use of a file extension in the name, suicidemouse.avi predates Sonic.exe by a pretty fair margin.

That said, like Sonic.exe this story has spawned a truly mind-boggling number of other ‘lost episodes’, ranging from the simply pointless to the absolutely ridiculous. Let’s take a look at one of the most successful: Squidward’s Suicide.”

“Yes, you did indeed read that correctly.”

“Yes, you did indeed read that correctly.”

Like Suicide Mouse, this story substantially predates the CPW, but it at least has an identified author (sort of- he created a profile named SuicideSquidward well after the fact) and a clearly-recorded publication date of 06 April, 2010. That actually puts it well before Sonic.exe, and finally allows us to answer the nagging question of just who ripped off what when.”

So. Let’s get started.

I just want to start off by saying if you want an answer at the end, prepare to be disappointed. There just isn’t one.

Well, thanks for warning us up front that your story will make no sense…

“Not that I was getting my hopes up.”

I was an intern at Nickelodeon Studios for a year in 2005 for my degree in animation. It wasn’t paid of course, most internships aren’t, but it did have some perks beyond education.

Thank you, author, for explaining to us how internships work.”

Hey, I’m sure a lot of people consult internet ghost stories for their career advice!

To adults it might not seem like a big one, but most kids at the time would go crazy over it.

Well, most 90s kids, anyway…”

I wonder if the people who make Spongebob are as obnoxious as the show itself?

Now, since I worked directly with the editors and animators, I got to view the new episodes days before they aired.

Sounds like Nickelodeon has the same operational security consultant as Disney and Leonard Maltin.

If so, could you get me his number? I’d very much like to recommend him to a few of my rival defense contractors!”

I’ll get right to it without giving too many unnecessary details.

Any more unnecessary details, you mean. Because so far we’ve had basically nothing but.”

Gosh, I wish there were some way to quantify how well he keeps that promise…

Too Many Unnecessary Details Counter: 2

They had very recently made the SpongeBob movie and the entire staff was somewhat sapped of creativity

Having seen some of the newer Spongebob episodes, I find it hard to believe the staff are ever anything else.

so it took them longer to start up the season. But the delay lasted longer for more upsetting reasons. There was a problem with the series 4 premiere that set everyone and everything back for several months.

Are we supposed to care?

Too Many Unnecessary Details Counter: 3

Me and two other interns were in the editing room

*sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh……..*

Two other interns and I.

along with the lead animators and sound editors for the final cut. We received the copy that was supposed to be “Fear of a Krabby Patty” and gathered around the screen to watch. Now, given that it isn’t final yet animators often put up a mock title card, sort of an inside joke for us, with phony, often times lewd titles, such as “How sex doesn’t work” instead of “Rock-a-bye-Bivalve” when SpongeBob and Patrick adopt a sea scallop. Nothing particularly funny but work related chuckles.

This sounds like an excellent way to slip up, display an inappropriate title card on a production episode, and shame the entire company.”

So when we saw the title card “Squidward’s Suicide” we didn’t think it more than a morbid joke.

Oh, hey, a title drop!

dfsgsfg

One of the interns did a small throat laugh at it.

Too Many Unnecessary Details Counter: 4

The happy-go-lucky music plays as is normal.

Good thing I kept this around, then…

A Tense Narrative Counter: 1

The story began with Squidward practicing his clarinet, hitting a few sour notes like normal.

A Tense Narrative Counter: 2

Also… we get it already! The episode is normal!

We hear SpongeBob laughing outside and Squidward stops, yelling at him to keep it down as he has a concert that night and needs to practice. SpongeBob says okay and goes to see Sandy with Patrick. The bubbles splash screen comes up and we see the ending of Squidward’s concert.

A Tense Narrative Counter: 3

This is when things began to seem off.

A Tense Narrative Counter: 4

God dammit. Pick a tense and stick with it! I don’t even care if it’s the passive future infinitive perfect, just be consistent!

I wonder why creepypasta always have trouble with this particular grammatical error. Maybe because comparatively many of them are written in second person or present tense and the authors get confused?”

Maybe it’s because the people who write them aren’t very good.

While playing, a few frames repeat themselves,

A Tense Narrative Counter: 4

but the sound doesn’t (at this point sound is synced up with animation, so, yes, that’s not common) but when he stops playing, the sound finishes as if the skip never happened.

You know, it may not be scary, but this story has certainly been informative about the production process of an animated television series!

Assuming, of course, that the author is not simply spewing superficially-plausible nonsense. You know, like every other author we feature on the site…

There is slight murmuring in the crowd before they begin to boo him. Not normal cartoon booing that is common in the show, but you could very clearly hear malice in it.

I am really not sure what the difference would be, honestly…”

Squidward’s in full frame and looks visibly afraid. The shot goes to the crowd, with SpongeBob in center frame, and he too is booing, very much unlike him. That isn’t the oddest thing, though.

Good. Because if “ZOMG! SPONGEBOB IS SLIGHTLY OUT OF CHARACTER!” was the most paranormal element of this story, I’d be drawing the obvious connection to JC-The-Hyena’s treatment of canon violations as actually sanity-damaging and casting similar aspersions on your ability to separate fantasy from reality.

Oh, who am I kidding, you’re going to make me do it anyway, aren’t you?

What is odd is everyone had hyper realistic eyes.

Oh, shit.

It’s spreading.

Although, to be fair, since this is a drawn cartoon, the use of the term is at least correct.”

A Tense Narrative Counter: 6

Very detailed. Clearly not shots of real people’s eyes, but something a bit more real than CGI.

Hmm… You know, I’m not actually sure if Spongebob qualifies as CGI. I mean, obviously computers are involved at some point in the process, but when I think “CGI” I think of assets being lit, and potentially textured and animated, by algorithmic means; Spongebob, on the other hand, still looks hand-drawn.

The pupils were red.

Of course they were.”

Some of us looked at each other, obviously confused, but since we weren’t the writers, we didn’t question its appeal to children yet.

I, however, am still questioning this story’s appeal to adults.

The shot goes to Squidward sitting on the edge of his bed, looking very forlorn.

A Tense Narrative Counter: 7

The view out of his porthole window is of a night sky so it isn’t very long after the concert.

Or, it’s just been more than 24 hours.

Too Many Unnecessary Details Counter: 5

The unsettling part is at this point there is no sound. Literally no sound. Not even the feedback from the speakers in the room. It’s as if the speakers were turned off, though their status showed them working perfectly.

Shiver in fear at the terrifying description of hardware glitches!

A Tense Narrative Counter: 8

He just sat there, blinking, in this silence for about 30 seconds, then he started to sob softly. He put his hands (tentacles) over his eyes and cried quietly for a full minute more,

A Tense Narrative (Story) Counter: 9

all the while a sound in the background very slowly growing from nothing to barely audible.

I think the author just accidentally a word…

But in the process eliminated the possibility for another tense shift, so I’m still considering it a net gain.”

It sounded like a slight breeze through a forest.

The screen slowly begins to zoom in on his face.

A Tense Narrative Counter: 10

… Drat. Never mind.”

By slow I mean it’s only noticeable if you look at shots 10 seconds apart side by side.

Making me wonder exactly how long the entire clip is…

And how long these idiots sat there and stared at what was for all intents and purposes a still picture.”

His sobbing gets louder, more full of hurt and anger. The screen then twitches a bit, as if it twists in on itself, for a split second then back to normal.

I’m having a hard time visualizing that last bit, but it might be for the best.

The wind-through-the-trees sound gets slowly louder and more severe, as if a storm is brewing somewhere. The eerie part is this sound, and Squidward’s sobbing, sounded real, as if the sound wasn’t coming from the speakers but as if the speakers were holes the sound was coming through from the other side.

A Tense Narrative Counter: 11

Also, somebody needs to explain to Intern how speakers work.

As good as sound as the studio likes to have, they don’t purchase the equipment to be that good to produce sound of that quality.

But has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

Below the sound of the wind and sobbing, very faint, something sounded like laughing.

Oh, shit, they’d better not be becoming aware of the riffing again; I thought I had that fixed!

It came at odd intervals and never lasted more than a second so you had a hard time pinning it (we watched this show twice, so pardon me if things sound too specific but I’ve had time to think about them).

That actually does clear up a few questions regarding the strange specificity of this story, but since everything up to this point has been written narratively and includes one-time reactions from the audience, it somehow still manages to make no sense.”

After 30 seconds of this, the screen blurred and twitched violently and something flashed over the screen, as if a single frame was replaced.

The lead animation editor paused and rewound frame by frame. What we saw was horrible.

dfs

It was a still photo of a dead child.

Oh.”

I liked my idea better.”

He couldn’t have been more than 6. The face was mangled and bloodied, one eye dangling over his upturned face, popped.

Wait, how can his eye be dangling above the thing it’s attached to? Did THE AWFUL POWERS OF SQUIDWARD invert gravity?

He was naked down to his underwear, his stomach crudely cut open and his entrails laying beside him.

So, basically, he was a shock tactic.”

He was laying on some pavement that was probably a road.

But it might also have been a parking lot. Or even… an airplane runway!

The most upsetting part was that there was a shadow of the photographer. There was no crime tape, no evidence tags or markers, and the angle was completely off for a shot designed to be evidence.

Because all crime scene photos, everywhere, use one specific angle that is easily identifiable to laymen.”

It would seem the photographer was the person responsible for the child’s death.

Not really. Even if we accept (and I don’t) that the ‘angle’ and lack of evidence tags means this is not an ‘official’ photo, it could have been taken by an accomplice, some other emergency worker, the media, a sec officer who had yet to start collecting evidence, or even just the first civilian to come across the scene.”

This story should really be titled “Squidward’s Bat Deduction.

Actually, for that matter… if there wasn’t a shadow of a photographer, would Intern here actually get confused about how the picture was taken?

We were of course mortified, but pressed on, hoping that it was just a sick joke.

The screen flipped back to Squidward, still sobbing, louder than before, and half body in frame.

And SUDDENLY TARZAN GRAMMAR.

There was now what appeard to be blood running down his face from his eyes.

But was in fact cherry syrup??

Or was it in fact running out from his nostrils?”

The blood was also done in a hyper realistic style,

Of course it was.

looking as if you touched it you’d get blood on your fingers.

Oh, wow, he’s right! Look at this!”

No, that’s just the story oozing pure, liquid unoriginality.

The wind sounded now as if it were that of a gale blowing through the forest; there were even snapping sounds of branches.

Well, we knew the story was full of wind from the very start.

The laughing, a deep baritone, lasting at longer intervals and coming more frequently.

… is not a sentence.

After about 20 seconds, the screen again twisted and showed a single frame photo.

The editor was reluctant to go back, we all were, but he knew he had to.

Or, you know, you could call the authorities to deal with it…”

This time the photo was that of what appeared to be a little girl,

But was actually

You know what? I’m not even gonna touch that one.

no older than the first child. She was laying on her stomach, her barrettes in a pool of blood next to her.

Ok, I’ll admit that when I first read this passage I actually had to go and look up what “barrettes” were. It turns out that they’re little clip things you can put in your hair, which makes me question exactly how they came to fall off and land next to the shock-tactic’s head when she’s lying face-down.

Her left eye was too popped out and popped, naked except for underpants.

Her eye was wearing underpants?”

And it was both popped out, and… just regularly popped?

Forget the dead children, the true horror here is that gruesomely mangled sentence.”

Her entrails were piled on top of her above another crude cut along her back. Again the body was on the street and the photographer’s shadow was visible, very similar in size and shape to the first. I had to choke back vomit and one intern, the only female in the room, ran out.

Sexist pasta is sexist.

Too Many Unnecessary Details Counter: 6

The show resumed.

About 5 seconds after this second photo played, Squidward went silent, as did all sound, like it was when this scene started. He put his tentacles

‘(hands)’?

down and his eyes were now done in hyper realism like the others were in the beginning of this episode. They were bleeding, bloodshot, and pulsating.

sss

You lost me at ‘pulsating’.

I don’t know, the story lost me at ‘hyper realism’.”

He just stared at the screen, as if watching the viewer.

Oh, damn, it’s getting meta.

After about 10 seconds, he started sobbing, this time not covering his eyes. The sound was piercing and loud, and most fear inducing of all is his sobbing was mixed with screams.

Tears and blood were dripping down his face at a heavy rate. The wind sound came back, and so did the deep voiced laughing, and this time the still photo lasted for a good 5 frames.

The animator was able to stop it on the 4th and backed up.

Pretty good reflexes on that guy, considering that Spongebob is broadcast at either 24 or 60 frames per second

This time the photo was of a boy, about the same age, but this time the scene was different.

Oh, meaning it might actually be something clever this time?”

The entrails were just being pulled out from a stomach wound by a large hand, the right eye popped and dangling, blood trickling down it.

Serves me right for getting my hopes up.”

The animator proceeded. It was hard to believe, but the next one was different but we couldn’t tell what.

Because fuck comprehensible description!

He went on to the next, same thing. He want back to the first and played them quicker and I lost it.

You never had it in the first place.

I vomited on the floor, the animating and sound editors gasping at the screen.

Well, that’s a different tense shift, at least…

A Tense Narrative Counter: 13

Too Many Unnecessary Details Counter: 7

The 5 frames were not as if they were 5 different photos, they were played out as if they were frames from a video.

Maybe that’s because you were watching a video!

We saw the hand slowly lift out the guts, we saw the kid’s eyes focus on it, we even saw two frames of the kid beginning to blink.

The shock tactic seems strangely calm for watching himself be disemboweled…”

The lead sound editor told us to stop, he had to call in the creator to see this.

But, still, not the police.

Mr. Hillenburg arrived within about 15 minutes.

During which time everybody just… sat and stared at the shock tactic, I guess. And hopefully cleaned up that vomit.

Too Many Unnecessary Details Counter: 8

He was confused as to why he was called down there, so the editor just continued the episode. Once the few frames were shown, all screaming, all sound again stopped. Squidward was just staring at the viewer, full frame of the face, for about 3 seconds. The shot quickly panned out

Tense of the Narrative Counter: 14

and that deep voice said “DO IT”

This story brought to you by Nike Athletics!

This story brought to you by Nike Athletics!

and we see in Squidward’s hands a shotgun.

A Narrative That Tense Is Counter:15

He immediately puts the gun in his mouth and pulls the trigger.

Honestly, after sitting through this story, I can’t blame him.

Realistic blood and brain matter splatters the wall behind him, and his bed, and he flies back with the force.

I didn’t know Squidward was a Sith!

What?”

He just flew backwards with the Force!

The last 5 seconds of this episode show his body on the bed, on his side, one eye dangling on what’s left of his head above the floor, staring blankly at it. Then the episode ends.

So I suppose the eye thing is supposed to be some kind of motif or callback or something, but the whole thing seems rather…”

ffffff

Exactly.”

Mr. Hillenburg is obviously angry at this. He demanded to know what the heck was going on.

A Tense Narrative Counter: 17

I also like how the story can toss around dead kids like party favors, but can’t use profanity stronger than ‘heck’.

Most people left the room at this point, so it was just a handful of us to watch it again. Viewing the episode twice only served to imprint the entirety of it in my mind and cause me horrible nightmares.

Then why did you do it?

I’m sorry I stayed.

And I’m sorry I read.

The only theory we could think of was the file was edited by someone in the chain from the drawing studio to here.

Or that the drawing studio itself is home to at least one serial killer.”

The CTO was called in to analyze when it happened. The analysis of the file did show it was edited over by new material. However, the timestamp of it was a mere 24 seconds before we began viewing it. All equipment involved was examined for foreign software and hardware as well as glitches, as if the time stamp may have glitched and showed the wrong time, but everything checked out fine. We don’t know what happened and to this day nobody does.

Now, it’s obvious that (unlike JC-The-Hyena) SuicideSquidward was aware that his story was not scary… so he was trying really hard to throw in things that would make it more supernatural- see “dead kids”, supra.

The problem is, this causes the story to make even less sense, in a way that really undercuts any semblance of tension. I mean, it’s a story about Squidward, so it’s never going to be A-grade material to begin with, but as I was reading this for the first time I sort of naturally assumed that the “lost episode” was something that was actually made by people. Suicidemouse also gave me that impression, which really worked in the story’s favor– it fit nicely into the weird conspiracy theories that have started to surround Walt Disney, and provided a plausible origin.

Here, however, the sudden alteration of the file points to some sort of extrahuman, supernatural involvement, and that opens up a whole host of questions- why would some supernatural monster know or care what a shotgun is? Why would it go to all this trouble just to disturb humans? Why would it write a title card in ENGLISH?

There was an investigation due to the nature of the photos, but nothing came of it. No child seen was identified and no clues were gathered from the data involved nor physical clues in the photos. I never believed in unexplainable phenomena before, but now that I have something happen and can’t prove anything about it beyond anecdotal evidence,

Bullshit. You have the video itself, somewhere, and if there was “an investigation” that means there was paperwork. You have all the evidence you need (except for that fact that, despite the Internet’s attempts to convince us otherwise, none of it is real).

I think twice about things.

… and that’s the end. Almost.

I feel it’s important to include the ‘confession’ SuicideSquidward posted in early 2013. In it, he basically admits that he put no thought into the story and never expected it to be any good… removing most of the blame for this travesty from himself and placing it squarely on the heads of his fans:”

“I don’t know why but it feels nice to see something you created spread and get brought up years later when people discuss things that scare them, because it is something that has stuck with them after reading it despite it being a copypasta.

I had just read Suicide Mouse and Dead Bart earlier that night, had nothing to do, and decided to try my hand at a “lost episode” show. What people read is the hastey final draft I wrote on a whim. I had no idea it would ever go beyond the 7chan /x/ board, figured at best it would get a small amount of attention then never be spoken of again.”

Not really much to say to that.”

I wish “Squidward’s Suicide” would never be spoken of again…

Oh, yes, and I feel that I must confirm for all of you that “Dead Bart” is indeed an actual story.”

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28 Comments on “1502: suicidemouse.avi and Squidward’s Suicide – One Shots”

  1. GRANDBORGIR says:

    According to sources, it’s nothing special. It’s just a continuous loop (like Flintstones)-

    FLEENTSTONES!?

  2. AdmiralSakai says:

    Also, it looks like the “physics” video did not embed.

  3. BatJamags says:

    “I don’t think our mysterious author did any research at all!”

    For that matter, Technicolor was already in business in the nineteen thirties. Color films were quite expensive to make, but it was very possible. See also: Gone with the Wind.

    Oh, yeah, and this one other film. It’s an obscure little piece called Snow White. I’m trying to remember who made that one…

  4. BatJamags says:

    The thing I could get out of Leonard Maltin was that the last frame was a piece of Russian text that roughly said “the sights of hell bring its viewers back in”.

    Russian text? Why would it be in-

    No, it can’t be… But there’s no other explanation…

    Walt Disney is a communist spy!

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      Buried on the story’s comment thread, there is in fact this little gem:

      I have a theory on why this exists. My timing may be off though. What if this was created back during world war 2, disney has ground zero and everything so it doesnt seem as far fetched as it may sound, but what if this was created back during world war 2 in the event that those fighting against hitler would lose, so disney would play this to kill off the children and anyone watching it for that matter to make sure that the generation would not suffer through what ever lays ahead. Since we “won” then there was no need to play it and was hidden away till it was uncovered once again.

      It’s kind of a harebrained idea and very poorly explained, but I think the core concept of this video having been created as a weapon of war (presumably for deployment against the Axis, and not the Allies’ own populations, of course!) is actually rather intriguing.

      As I sort of alluded to up above, I really do want to like this story- there’s a lot of mythos surrounding the early days of Walt Disney’s animation, and a fair amount of the imagery in the video itself is actually pretty cool. It’s just the constant research fails, implausible premise for the clip’s discovery, and the hammy, anticlimactic ending (“Real suffering is not known”? Come on…) that completely ruined it for me.

      I actually feel the same way about Candle Cove– I love, love, love the idea of a disturbing kids show that adults can only perceive as static, but the super-hyperbolic stuff about the “screaming episode” and “the skin-taker” (Wooooooooooooooooooo….) kinds of undercuts the subtlety and creeping wrongness of it.

      I’d much prefer both stories if the aberrencies of the shows (and their effects on the viewers) were not immediately obvious.

  5. BatJamags says:

    “Well, most 90s kids, anyway…”

  6. BatJamags says:

    Why would it write a title card in ENGLISH?

    Maybe this supernatural entity is a capitalist spy?

  7. leobracer says:

    To the Authors of these shitfest, I have this to say:

    You fracking dick licking, pussy sucking, no brained, rotting flesh, boneless assholes make me sick! You have not the slightest idea how much of a sensitive subject suicide is! You have no idea what kind of pain people who have thoughts of suicide go through! And you also have no idea suicide affects the people around them!

    In my middle to high school years, I met a guy named Josh Parks, who when I first met him, he annoyed me with his sex jokes and crude humor. But over time, he not only matured, he also grew on me, and we became friends. After we graduated, we went our separate ways, he went and got married, and started a family, while I continued to live with my parents and worked.

    Then, one day, a few years ago, I learned that he had overdosed on pills, accidentally committing suicide! Even though we hadn’t met each in some time, the news of his death still caught me off guard. I had no idea what the hell to think or do, but the fact remains that I lost an old friend that day!

    You think you know suicide, you don’t! Either you should have done your research on how suicide affects both the victim, and the people around them, OR YOU SHOULD NEVER HABE WRITTEN THESE SHITS AT ALL!!!

    You want an example of a fic that handles suicide correctly? Behold! A fanfic where the author clearly did their research on suicide:

    https://m.fanfiction.net/s/8309806/1/Ten-Reasons-Why

    That fic may not be complete, but it still provides a perfect example of how to do suicide correctly.

  8. AdmiralSakai says:

    You know, having had the benefit of nearly four months between when this went up and when I actually wrote it… I really do think there’s something especially noxious about Squidward’s Suicide.

    I chose creepypasta as my intermissions from Love of a Spartan because they’re defanged horror at its finest- since the main ‘fic really does have a lot of deep-seated issues with the way it portrays relationships, warfare, and general human behavior, and at times actually gets pretty damn dark, I wanted something that was incredibly silly, not too complicated, and largely harmless to break it up. And I’d say that overall, that’s what I’ve got- especially with the ones in Lyle’s queue that you haven’t seen yet. But even reading my own riff of Squidward’s Suicide just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

    I don’t think it’s because of the story’s treatment of suicide, at least not primarily, nor is it really the fact that it’s gorier than most other creepypasta in and of itself. The whole thing is just kind of petty and mean-spirited– it’s not even really throwing dead kids and shotguns at us to try and scare us, it’s just doing it because it can.

    Looking back, I guess I was aware of the tone shift between it and Sonic.exe from the very beginning, but I was also super-overworked with graduate school and other fan projects at the time and decided to soldier on under the thinking that I, personally, just wasn’t in the right state to appreciate the thing’s humor value.

    I’m still glad that I decided to riff it because this gratingly obnoxious fandom needs as many people working to puncture it as we can get, but I’m really kind of wishing I’d picked another story to do as an intermission, and approached Squidward’s Suicide later on from a very different angle.

  9. GhostCat says:

    It’s just a continuous loop (like Flintstones) of Mickey walking past six buildings that goes on for two or three minutes before fading out.

    So it’s a test animation; they’re usually not that long, but it isn’t uncommon for studios to do practice pieces when they’re working out new things. They aren’t terribly exciting because it is usually the same character doing the same motion over and over again.

    And reusing backgrounds is a cost-saving measure used by all the animation studios; animation, especially hand-drawn animation, is expensive and time-consuming.

    Already I’m having a hard time understanding why this is meant to be scary.

  10. GhostCat says:

    Up until a year or two ago, everyone believed that after it cut to black and that was it.

    Wait, I thought it faded out? Cutting to black and fading out are two different camera moves.

  11. GhostCat says:

    The buildings became rubble floating in midair and the sidewalk was still impossibly navigating in warped directions, a few seeming inconceivable with what we, as humans, know about direction.

    I don’t think the author has ever seen the early Disney shorts; there’s some trippy shit going down in those things.

  12. GhostCat says:

    This happened for about 30 seconds, and whatever was in that remaining 30 seconds I haven’t been able to get a sliver of information about.

    Except for the part about the Russian phrase on the last frame, which presumably happens in that last thirty seconds.

  13. GhostCat says:

    Now, given that it isn’t final yet animators often put up a mock title card, sort of an inside joke for us, with phony, often times lewd titles, such as “How sex doesn’t work” instead of “Rock-a-bye-Bivalve” when SpongeBob and Patrick adopt a sea scallop. Nothing particularly funny but work related chuckles.

    The majority of animation work is done overseas, so the only way a “joke” title could be inserted would be if the studio specifically requested and paid for it, and they would also have to pay to have it removed and replaced with the “real” card. I’m also fairly certain that since studios work on multiple episodes at the time they tend to refer to the episodes by number – S5E5, S5E6, S5E7, etc. – rather than individual name.

  14. GhostCat says:

    Hmm… You know, I’m not actually sure if Spongebob qualifies as CGI. I mean, obviously computers are involved at some point in the process, but when I think “CGI” I think of assets being lit, and potentially textured and animated, by algorithmic means; Spongebob, on the other hand, still looks hand-drawn.

    Traditional animation (AKA “cel animation”) is largely done digitally these days; the individual frames (or “cels”) are still hand-drawn but on a computer screen instead of paper or mylar, and backgrounds are either drawn the same way or are physically scanned into the computer. The characters are colored digitally, and can even have complex patterns that shift as the character moves, giving a greater illusion of movement. 3D animation, what is typically called CGI, involves creating a virtual skeleton called an armature and rigging a polygon mesh around it. The vertices of the mesh are then manipulated to animate the figure, making 3D animation more akin to stop-motion animation than the old-fashioned cel animation.

  15. GhostCat says:

    Some of us looked at each other,

    All three of you.

  16. GhostCat says:

    Her left eye was too popped out and popped,

    That’s a whole lot of popping. Also – she’s face-down, so her eyes are hidden from view.

  17. GhostCat says:

    We saw the hand slowly lift out the guts, we saw the kid’s eyes focus on it, we even saw two frames of the kid beginning to blink.

    “The shock tactic seems strangely calm for watching himself be disemboweled…”

    And for having one of his eyeballs popped out of his head. I’m kind of curious as to how he could blink with his eyeball hanging out like that.

  18. TacoMagic says:

    On the 7th minute, the murmur turned into a bloodcurdling scream (the kind of scream painful to hear)

    How very specific. I’ve got two kids, I’ve learned that there is a near endless variety of ear-piercing screams. Everything from pain, to anger, to just being overcome with the need to scream really loud.

    • GhostCat says:

      Or if they’ve seen a cute kitten, or if their sibling took away one of their toys, or if it’s snowing outside, or if the sibling hit them with a toy, or if they think they saw a spider, or if the spider turns out to be dead, or if their sibling tries to make them eat the dead spider, or if the sibling just looked in the screamer’s general direction.

  19. TacoMagic says:

    I wonder if the people who make Spongebob are as obnoxious as the show itself?

    That’s a thought more scary than anything the CreePasta folk have cooked up.

  20. TacoMagic says:

    “This sounds like an excellent way to slip up, display an inappropriate title card on a production episode, and shame the entire company.”

    You mean more than the shame of having to put your name on Spongebob?


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