1493: life in zootopia – Chapter 2

Title: life in zootopia
Author: frank lk1
Media: Film
Topic: Zootopia/Zootropolis
Genre: no genre listed
URL:  Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

Hello and welcome back, Patrons, to the second (and thus far last) chapter of this odd little Zootopia fic. In the first chapter, Nick and Judy had a brief sing-along and then managed to arrest a pig jewelry thief and take him back to headquarters, where Chief Bogo acted very suspiciously.

I’ve sent a fresh crate of bolt-tape to Specs & Co, and I’ve got Gumdrop suited up in his armor in case they need backup, so I should be safe from the wrath of Shades. Onward to police-related vagueness!

Oh, look; another disclaimer.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN ANY CHARACTER OR LOCATION IT’S ALL DISNEY FOLKS…

With the exception of the jewelry thief pig, who is likely an OC. Of course, everything is so vaguely described that it could be an AU fic taking place in the underwater kingdom of Atlantis and the audience would never know it.

(Can’t believe I have to write this crap people know i didn’t came up with the story please read bio)

You really, really don’t.

I have taken a look at the author’s bio page; it’s the sort of chatty personal information we typically find jammed into Author’s Notes, but I take it as a good sign that the author put it on his bio page rather than in the fic. That plus his questioning of why he would need to write a disclaimer for something that is clearly a fan work gives me a little bit of hope.

To the chapter!

Chapter II: “The sellout”

…I know a couple of different definitions of “sellout”, but I’m having a hard time figuring out what any of them would have to do with this fic.

And so nick was on his way to the detention area to fill the tedious paperwork,

Yay, we’re starting out exactly where the last chapter ended. That’s always fun.

he walked pass the detention cells one by one all of them empty, all but one, in this last cell was the pig as dirty and scruffy as nick remembered him,

Nick literally saw the pig less than a minute ago; did he expect the suspect would receive a full makeover in that time? Also – damn. Chief Bogo processed the suspect through fast.

the pig was sitting in a bunk against the wall with a defiant attitude till the end;

That phrasing has an odd finality to it. Does robbery carry the death penalty in Zootopia?

and so nick pulled his chair and sat in a desk in front of the cell there f nick took out a form and started questioning the pig.

It kind of looks like the only reason Nick is sitting in his chair at what I assume is his desk (that just happens to be in front of his suspect) is because of the pig’s attitude. What if the pig had still been meek and intimidated, like he was when Bogo led him off? What would Nick have done then?

“soooo Mr. pig was it ?”

“it’s Manfred, you Arse” responded the pig,

There’s zero indication that the suspect ever gave his name before this point, so I’m going to assume that his name is ‘Manfred you Arse’. Must be Dutch.

“aww aren’t you a little ray of sunshine” answered nick with a mocking tone as he continued questioning the pig whose face showed nothing but hate towards his jailer.

So I guess all that defiance from ten seconds ago is gone now that he’s a seething ball of porcine rage.

“So … age mid 30s”

“Height? 3 feet tall give or take”

…Who is speaking? I assume from context that it’s just Nick, but the way it is structured makes it look as if both Nick and Mr. you Arse are conversing.

Attribution – you are doing it wrong.

“Weight? Mmm I would say too much”.

“It’s A GLANDULAR CONDITION! MR DIPSTICK”

Yeah, that just makes it look even more like they’ve been talking together the whole time.

And is Nick trying to get Mr. you Arse’s vital statistics?  Because all of that should have been done when Chief Bogo processed the suspect – that’s what the “processing” part of the procedure is.

Also – physically being a pig isn’t a glandular condition, it’s just genetics.

“whoa whoa hehe think I touched a nerve over there didn’t i?”

“Yeah touched the nerve the muscle and the freaking bone, let’s just get this over with would ya?”

Ooh, I like that. Very good turn of phrase, although the structure still needs a lot of work.

“fine be my guest, I don’t like to do this anymore than you do pal,

Then why are you doing it if Bogo already did it? You’re not even doing a good job; everything you’ve taken down is vague generalities, not actual concrete information. That’s fine for an unknown suspect, but the pig is right in front of you. You should be able to measure his height and weight yourself if the subject cooperates enough, even if he refused to give his age or real name.

still i don’t know what’s the hurry as soon as I finish this you’ll spend the night here

… He’s already bedded down in a cell, which is apparently located in the same area as the officers’ desks for some reason. Where is he going to go if Nick doesn’t finish his pointlessly redundant paperwork?

and then you’ll be judged sooner or later”

I think he has to be charged with a crime first, which I don’t remember happening. The narration sort of skipped over that bit.

“Better later than sooner you fluffy tailed..!”

Oh, snap?

“Okay that’s it for every word you speak from now on ill add a charge of public mischief to your record”

Pretty sure that would be illegal and give Nick more work to do, since “public mischief” is defined as giving the police false information that causes them to open or continue an investigation.

“YOU CAN’T DO THAT!”

He physically could, but I don’t know what he would want to even if it wasn’t illegal for him to do so. Creating false records to substantiate the charges would just give Nick more work to do when he’s trying to leave early.

“Well, it’s called a hustle Mr. high cholesterol”.

No, it isn’t; a “hustle” is either a swindle or a forceful act of persuasion. Nick conning Judy into buying the Jumbo Pop for him was a hustle, as was Judy’s tricking Nick into revealing incriminating information so she could blackmail him into helping her with her case. This is just falsifying charges.

Even if this could be considered a “hustle”, Nick is a cop now; his words and actions would have potentially serious consequences.  The only reason I can see for him to use this particular phrasing is because it’s a phrase that shows up repeatedly in the film.

When the pig heard that expression his whole face lit up with curiosity as he slowly stood up he approached the cell door, only to ask:

What exactly would you do for a Klondike Bar?

“What did you say?”

“Umm Mr. High cholesterol?

I know, I know; I’m disappointed in his smack-talk, too.

“No no before that”

“It’s called a hustle?”

Yeah, I don’t know why he would say that either.

After hearing this the pig lowered his eyebrows and drew a smug smile that turned into laughter almost immediately.

Ha-ha, stupid cop said something incriminating! TWICE! Now to figure out how to sue the department.

Nick face was puzzled he couldn’t make sense of what was happening so with a fake smile to hide his shock, he stood up and walked infront of the pig, now only separated by the cell door nick put both hand on his heap and asked in a mocking tone

“What’s so funny?”

:shrugs:

Dunno. I’m hoping we’ll find out eventually.

The pig stopped laughing and looked at nick with his previous smug smile and said to him:

“haha you are wild”

No, he are civilized. Wears clothes and everything.

I assume Mr. you Arse is having some kind of revelation regarding Nick’s name, but even if he wasn’t the only fox on the force – uniformed officers wear name tags.

“Why do I have something on my face? Is my zipper up? No! Wait I know I forgot to comb my hair this morning isn’t it?”

I would hope his zipper is up, it’s when it’s down that there can be a wardrobe malfunction.

“No it’s the irony what’s funny”

Irony is a situation that seems deliberately contrary to what is expected, so I guess technically a cop talking about committing a crime could be considered ironic in a sense.

“Irony? Wait do I know you from somewhere? Do I owe you money?”

“No and maybe…”

Why would owing someone money make this situation ironic? I am so confused right now.

“okay okay okay that’s enough with the creepy cryptic talking who are you and how do you know me?”.

Probably should have led with that, slick.

“I’m nobody, just another of zootopias many crooks and thieves but you you’re nick wild the conn artist, the guy who knows everyone and apparently the biggest sellout I’ve ever seen and about how i know you it’s easy you always use the same expressions”

So Nick, a guy who melted down and resold ice lollies, is a famous criminal in Zootopia? I don’t buy it. Nick does claim to “know everyone”, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that he only knows criminals. He knew Emmit Otterton on sight, and Emmit was just a florist; a florist with ties to a Mafioso, true, but still just a florist.

“Sellout” what are you talking about? I don’t even know who you are Mr. Hammfred!”

I thought his name was Manfred you Arse?

“no but i know who you are, hahaha everybody will love to hear this nick wild the guy who used to scam people for a living, now is trying to play the good guy role hahaha”

I don’t think Mr. you Arse knows what a sellout is. A sellout is someone who compromises their personal values or integrity for personal advancement, and Nick didn’t do that. If anything, he tried to maintain his personal integrity while doing some admittedly shady things – even going so far as to get the proper permits for his Pawpcicle business.

Nick face showed disgust to what the pig was saying but he managed to kept his cool and sarcastically said:

“Yeah yeah, ha-ha do you know what’s funnier? that you’re in there and that I’m out here, that you’re in and that I’m out that you’re going to prison and that I’m going to get a coffee”; as nick started walking away the pig called out to him by yelling:

That’s not very funny, it’s just really repetitive.

:alarms blare:

Ooh, I was hoping I’d get a chance to try out our new arrivals!

:pulls lever on wall marked おおすずめばち:

The clan has been pestering me and pestering me to get them some pets, so I decided to get them a little piece of home in the form of a hive of ōsuzumebachi – giant sparrow bees.

:very loud, angry buzzing followed by shrill screams:

Or as they are known in the West, Japanese giant hornets.

“You won’t last wild, you’ll never be any better than I ‘am, you’re a crook, a scammer, you’re not trustworthy!”.

Which is exactly what everyone has been telling him for his entire life, since foxes are racially stereotyped as being shifty and deceitful. Of course, he’s very loyal and trustworthy and has people who believe in him now, so he probably won’t be too affected by the racist ramblings of some random bigoted asshole who is probably just pissed off that he got caught. And as far as trash-talk goes, this is very mild. Mr. you Arse didn’t call Nick a racial epithet, or insult his parentage, or suggest he go copulate with himself; the worst he could manage was “not trustworthy”.

I mean, Nick is a police officer now. I know it’s only his second day, but I’m sure the lowlife scum he arrests say all kinds of nasty things to him. He’s probably just glad the suspect didn’t vomit, or piss through the bars, or poop in his hands and throw feces on Nick.

Meanwhile Judy was finishing her break and thought about taking a coffee to nick as she walked down the hallway to the detention area her mind started to wander off.

She must have taken a very short break; by my timekeeping only a few minutes have elapsed since they arrived at the station.

“Man this would be his third coffee how comes he only goes to the bathroom once a day?”

“Know what Judy don’t ask don’t tell you might not like the answer”

“He would probably say something like um uh.. uhh… ummm…”

“… “

:blinks slowly:

What. The hell. Is this?

I just … what? I assume it’s the author trying to pad out the fic a little, but if that’s the case I’d almost prefer more song lyrics to this.

“ahh Shoot how can he be so good at this kind of stuff he could probably came up with something in like 2 seconds but he’s always so cocky about it.”

Is she still talking to herself about Nick’s bladder control? Because I’d really love it if she could change the subject.

Judy arrived at the detention area entrance when suddenly she heard the pig they arrested earlier “you’re not trustworthy!” he said,

And some other things that apparently weren’t worth the trouble to copy-paste from the previous paragraphs.

Judy not knowing what was happening kept her distance that way she wouldn’t disturb nick in case he was questioning the suspect that would explain why nick looked more serious than usual, and so she remain silent so she could listen carefully to their conversation.

No one likes a snoop, Judy.

After hearing what the pig said to him nick, turned back and stood once again in front of the pig looking at him in the eyes with his arms crossed; this time there were no fake smiles, no sarcastic comments, just nick and the pig and so their conversation continued once again:

Ooh, Mr. you Arse done flipped Nick’s bitch-switch.

The author’s bio states that English is not his native language so I’m trying not to judge the grammatical structure too severely, but … damn.

“Let’s get one thing clear pig I’m not like you, I’ve never robbed anyone, yes there were some scams but that’s it end of story”

Scamming someone is still illegal, you know. It’s just a far less confrontational crime than physically robbing someone.

“wild you might have convinced yourself that you have changed but the truth is that you will never change”, “people don’t change wild and even if they did people like you still wouldn’t change it’s in your D A N”

“D.A.N?”

I’m assuming he means DNA and isn’t accusing Nick of having someone named Dan inside him.

::muffled giggles from the hall:

GET AWAY FROM MY SPECIAL PLACE, SYL!

:more giggles:

AND TAKE GLASSES WITH YOU!

“Wild you’re a fox you were born to be a low life just like your entire species!”.

Nick was used to this kind of things by now but still it was never easy to hear.

Yeah, but in my experience if someone’s going to insult you they will usually go for the low-hanging fruit first and aim for one of the big three – Appearance, Intellect, or Sex. Since Nick is very obviously a fox, that’s probably going to be the Dead Horse that gets dragged out of the stable most often by the suspects that try to get a rise out of him.

To hear what most people in zootopia thought about him…

Meh. As a collective whole, “people” can be ignorant dumbasses.

And so the pig continued with his speech: “I’m giving you an advice here because you know what it is to be out there, to be hated by people,

Do pigs face the same prejudices as foxes? I don’t remember that from the film.

just give up wild even if you catch a 100 guys like me people will still be thinking about you the way I do and believe me that will never change…”

And if the racist pig facing jail time says it, then it must be true.

“So … you say if I catch a 100 guys like you people won’t change their mind huh?”

“haha well I guess I’ll have to catch 200 like you maybe then people will change their minds don’t you think”

I’d prefer quality over quantity, but that’s just me.

“you’re worst than i thought you’re not only a sellout you’re a fool as well, just like that cotton tailed witch partner of yours, another freak bunnies should stay in their farms growing our food”.

I assume this is the Zootopian equivalent of saying that Judy should be in the kitchen making him a sandwich, which kind of makes me crave a BLT.

“Okay lard king that’s enough”

Did Nick just imply that Mr. you Arse is a cannibal? And how is lard even a thing in a universe with sentient pigs?  There’s just so many unsettling implications.

This actually echoes something in the film; a sheep character drops some files and says “Oh, mutton chops!”, which gets more and more disturbing the more you think about it.

“uuuu touched a nerve there wild?”

“God! Why do you care man? She’s nothing but a small bunny, there are literally millions of them out there.”

“You’re right”

Gah. This dialogue is just so hard to read without any attribution. I am pleasantly surprised to discover an author that used “literally” and “you’re” properly in the course of the same conversation.

Judy who was eavesdropping couldn’t believe what nick had just said , she cracked her knuckles and was about to yell at nick when he continued talking and so Judy despite her fury waited until he was over just in case…and so he said.

… I think something’s happening and I’m not sure what it is, but it looks as if Judy’s mad at Nick.

“there’re millions of bunnies out there maybe bigger, maybe smaller ,maybe they even look the same but believe me pal she’s one of a kind she’s not only the first bunny to be a cop or the hero who saved us from the mayor plans

Which mayor’s plans? There was Mayor Lionhart, who kidnapped the “savage” mammals and held them at a medical facility in an effort to prevent widespread panic (as well as protecting his job) and then there was Assisstant Mayor Bellwether who later became the mayor and who was behind the “savage” mammal outbreak.

but also and more important she’s the one person who has trusted me in a long time she believed in me, when most people only saw a crook she saw potential and believe me I’m not gonna let her faith get wasted.”

“so I’m gonna be really clear about this either you shut up or I’M GOING IN THERE TO SHOW YOU THE TRUE MEANING OF POLICE BRUTALITY!”

:toot-toot!:

Now boarding at the Library Dock, it’s the Nick and Judy Ship!

(And I will be the first on board, because I ship these two so very, very hard. I just love the way they interact with each other.)

“hahahaha you don’t scare my wild!”

His wild what?

“yes i know, that’s why I’m going to call chief bogo, he owes me a favor after i managed to got him a couple tickets for gazelle show last week, he’s a big fan you know”

And Chief Bogo processed your suspect while you went off and [ERROR: ACTIVITY NOT FOUND], so you might not be able to call in that favor.

“WHAT!?nonononononono you win wild I’ll shut up just please don’t call chief bogo i beg you”

“mhmmm i don’t know”

“I’AM BEGGING YOU”

Why does Mr. you Arse find Chief Bogo so intimidating?

“No you’re not, on your knees, now”

“You have to be kidding me!”

…Dude. You’re telling a suspect in custody to get down on his knees. There are so many ways this could be misconstrued.

“I have chief bogo on the liiiiine”

Nick was standing in front of Mr. you Arse’s cell with his arms crossed and hasn’t moved since, so clearly he is bluffing.

“okok I ‘am on my knees see there’s no need to call anybody we’re all friends here right?”

:giggling in hall resumes, louder than before:

Great, the fic summoned the entire Perversion Fellowship.

“Yeah you’re right just one last thing say cheese for the camera!”

“No way..!”; “ahhhhhhhhh I’m blind what did you do?”;”man this hurts!”

:giggling in hall intensifies:

:Ghostie removes one of her boots and throws it at the door:

:THUNK!:

PIPE DOWN!

“Oh please don’t be a baby it was just the flash… annnnd it’s on zoobook ,wow 10 likes already?”.

He took a picture of an anonymous pig begging on his knees and managed to get ten likes in only a second? He must have a lot of friends who are hard up for entertainment.

:hoots and catcalls drift through the Riffing Chamber door:

:facepalm: Gods give me strength.

“Well anyhow my shift is over, paperwork is done and everything is in order so I’ll be leaving now,

He finished his paperwork? All he did was write down a few extremely general details regarding a suspect who is physically in front of him. He never filled out anything resembling a police report regarding the jewelry store robbery.

see you on the trial sir hammelot… haha still got it”

Honey, you’ve got nothing. And I really don’t want to think about ham existing in this universe.

“Could you turn off the lights at least?”

“i could but I won’t ,see ya”

It would be rather rude of Nick to turn off the lights since there are an unknown number of cells (which may or may not be occupied) and an unknown number of desks (which also may or may not be occupied) in the same room.

“OH hey Judy I thought your shift was over “

You have the same shift, dumbass. And you told her to bring you a coffee!

“yes it was but um i aaa thoughttt aboutt what kind of partner would i be if let you walk home all by yourself I’m afraid you might get robbed or something you’re quite a wimp you know?”

He’s significantly bigger than she is; there’s no way he’d buy that. She’s obviously just flirting with him.

“ha-ha really funny smarty-pants come on let’s go, this place gives me the creeps late at night”

… It’s a very large and centrally located police station. I’m pretty sure there would be people there at all times.

” chuckleI know right?.”

:THWACK!:

No! Bad author! We do not put onomatopoeia in our fics!

Hey, were did all the words go? :looks around: Why aren’t there anymore words? WHAT DO I DO NOW?!?!

END OF CHAPTER II

Oh, that explains it. So glad you put that there, author.

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38 Comments on “1493: life in zootopia – Chapter 2”

  1. AdmiralSakai says:

    Wow.

    Midway through this chapter, I started expecting the ‘fic to turn out to be some sort of heavyhanded “satire” about police brutality, these officers are so incompetent.

    But it looks like it couldn’t even pull that off.

  2. SC says:

    I’ve sent a fresh crate of bolt-tape to Specs & Co, and I’ve got Gumdrop suited up in his armor in case they need backup, so I should be safe from the wrath of Shades.

    *Specs, bolt-taped to a chair, hops over to SC*

    She got by you, didn’t she?

    *Specs nods, as his mouth is bolt-taped shut*

    SEND IN THE DINOSAUR!

  3. SC says:

    :muffled giggles from the hall:

    GET AWAY FROM MY SPECIAL PLACE, SYL!

    :more giggles:

    AND TAKE GLASSES WITH YOU!

    *Glasses looks up from her phone, which has Texts From Last Night open on the screen*

    Glasses: Is she yelling at us about something? It sounds like she’s yelling at us about something.

    • SC says:

      :giggling in hall intensifies:

      :Ghostie removes one of her boots and throws it at the door:

      :THUNK!:

      PIPE DOWN!

      Glasses: But I’m not doing anything!

      Shades: Yeah, me either! I’m just reading this funny thing she’s got on her phone, damn!

      *Bifocals, bolt taped to a chair, yells a muffled objection*

      Shades: Hush, you, you’re getting Ghostie mad at us for no reason.

      • Cain: Who to have rescue Bifocals? I could Retcon the entire situation, I could have Dakota do some bureaucracy and negotiations to get a team of Ninjas in there, I could have Diesel go in there, but she might get carried away with force choking. Oh, I know! Someone who has powers that have been established but are never used because he’s a competent medic and trained doctor, which would totally undermine the comedy from the incompetent medics and doctors. SANTA!

        *Santa walks in, cautiously optimistic*

        Cain: I need you to go in there and order those two to let Bifocals go and leave. Also, make sure there are no loopholes.

        Santa: Yes sir.

        *Santa walks in there*

        Santa: This type of behavior is bad for everyone around here’s health. Now, untie Bifocals, leave this room, don’t return, and don’t tie up me or anyone else in here. Doctor’s orders.

      • *Santa sighs*

        Santa: What’s the point of having a power that lets you order anyone to do anything if everyone ignores you?

        (Poor Santa. I think he needs a hug. -Monitor)

      • Syl says:

        Poor baby; want Mama Syl to kiss it and make it all better?

      • Santa: Fuck that. Sir, request transfer to the Vagueness Front?

        Cain: Granted.

        *Santa teleports out*

        Cain: Dakota, get some ninjas in there.

      • GhostCat says:

        No, my ninjas! Take some interns, we’re overrun with them.

      • Cain: Ghostie, Interns are a step up from Redshirts, and only in that they rarely die doing mundane tasks. Do you honestly expect them to accomplish anything?

        • GhostCat says:

          The intern quality has really degraded with recent deliveries. It’s been a mixed bag of Philosophy and Poli Sci majors; they mostly just stand around using up oxygen.

  4. SC says:

    The clan has been pestering me and pestering me to get them some pets, so I decided to get them a little piece of home in the form of a hive of ōsuzumebachi – giant sparrow bees.

    Lordic: Hmm? What’s that, then?

    BEEEEEEEEES!!!

    *SC runs down the hall, flailing his arms wildly as a pack of bees viciously assaults him*

    Or as they are known in the West, Japanese giant hornets.

    Lordic: Ooh, should I tell him…?

  5. …I know a couple of different definitions of “sellout”, but I’m having a hard time figuring out what any of them would have to do with this fic.

    Cain: There’s a one in ten chance of any non-M rated fic turning into a lemon, here. Maybe that’s why Syl hangs around.

  6. Ooh, I like that. Very good turn of phrase, although the structure still needs a lot of work.

    Cain: I feel like it’ll be useful for the next chapter of The Marissa Games. Unless you somehow keep Syl away.

  7. :facepalm: Gods give me strength.

    Cain: By not specifying which Gods, you just gave Vagueness strength. Bad Ghostie!

  8. Swenia says:

    He’s probably just glad the suspect didn’t vomit, or piss through the bars, or poop in his hands and throw feces on Nick.

    I just realized how much prison and college have in common.

  9. Swenia says:

    “No you’re not, on your knees, now”

    *Activates the level 5 alert*

    I need all members of the Coven of Salaciousness in here immediately!


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