1489: Mr De Vil – Chapter Two

Title: Mr De Vil
Author: CreepyCat
Media: Books/Movies
Topic: Harry Potter / 101/102 Dalmatians
Genre: none listed
URL: Chapter Two
Critiqued by Addicted Reader

Welcome back, Patrons, to the weird little Harry Potter x 101 Dalmations fic “Mr De Vil.”  Last time, in Chapter One, Mr. [Error:  Name Unknown] De Vil, the little brother of Cruella De Vil from the Disney movies, spent a while talking to himself in the mirror.  It seems that he’d been invited to Hogwarts to teach, except not yet, and he wanted to get his greeting to Harry just right.  It is not explained why.  And then he ran off to catch the train to Hogwarts.

Let’s join him there …

Chapter 2
He ran towards the station and barely caught the train. Young students were all over the place and Mr. De Vil was not happy. It felt extremely crowded.

Well what did he expect on the train?!?!?  It’s always full of students.

And why is he even taking the train?  The only adult we ever see on the train, other than the witch who sells food, is Lupin at the beginning of Harry’s third year.

Which is when this is set.  So is Mr. De Vil supposed to be replacing Lupin as a character?

SOME EXPLANATION WOULD BE NICE.

Sorry about that.

Hey, at least I made it through the first chapter without yelling, right?

Let’s move on, shall we?

-” Be patient. You know why you are here. If this thing works, you`ll be considered the greatest wizard of all times. You will be famous.”, he said to himself.

What thing?  ::looks around::  The train?  Is there some issue with the train that he’s fixed?  How will that make him famous?

And I see the author continues to do the weird thing with the dash and quotation marks and look, the author is no longer even close on how to combine punctuation with quotation marks at the end.

::headdesk::

Not long after that, when he was alreday in the train, Mr. De Vil noticed a girl and two boys. It was not hard to indentify Mr. Potter with that scar on this forehead. Walking towards them, he knew he had to make some sort of introduction. It was very important because he wanted to look powerful and strong.

Dude, you’re a useless adult on the Hogwarts train.  “Powerful” and “strong” are not even at the bottom of your list of options right now.

They saw that very unusual man is standing next to them and seemed somewhat confused. They looked at each other not knowing what to think.

I see they’ve been reading along.

-” A teacher perhaps?”, asked Ron not having a better answer on who is that mysterious person.

I’m not sure if it would be better or worse if the author tried harder to mimic the scene where Harry and friends find Lupin on the train in the book.

-” Oh, don`t be ridiculous Ron. It`s something else, I`m sure of it.”, said Hermione with a strict voice.

That’s not very nice of Hermione to refer to a person as “it.”

The second Mr. De Vil heard them talking about him,he just couldn`t be quiet anymore. He lifted his cane in the air, as if it was some sort of a show, and when the cane landed back into his hand, he bowed.

Since the author doesn’t say he said anything, he was, in fact, still quiet during this mini circus act.  So yay for internal contradiction!

-” Oh, yes my beautiful lady. I am indeed something else, but with a bit of luck, I just might become a teacher. After all, if I do become one, that would mean I would be able to see you every day, and honestly, only a mad man would miss that opportunity.”

If he’s at Hogwarts, even if he’s not a teacher, wouldn’t he be able to see her fairly often?  It certainly seems in the books that everyone in the castle eats in the same place at the same time.

And a thirty-year-old smarming on a thirteen-year-old?  Ew.

As he was saying that, he took Hermione`s hand and gave her a small but a meaningful kiss. Her brown eyes widened so she just stood there speechless. In fact, they all were.

More ew.

And who “all” is speechless?  All of her eyes?!?

Ron did not look happy and neither did Harry.

-” But sir, who are you?”, asked Harry not knowing what to think anymore.

I hate to say it, but thinking was never really Harry’s strong suit.  That’s why he needed Hermione.

-” Me? I am Mr. De Vil. It is a pleasure to meet you Mr. Potter, I am truly happy we have met so soon. You might even call it a fate.”

A fate?  Which one?  I prefer Clotho myself.

Mr. De Vil just realised what he said. That was not powerful at all. Still, there was a chance for him to be at least mysterious if nothing else. The plan was to go. It was that simple. Still it needed to be somewhat dramatic. “A stare will do, I am sure of it”, Mr. De Vil thought to himself.

I would still like to know why Mr. De Vil feels the need to be powerful or mysterious or what, but I’ve given up hoping for any kind of explanation.

But I’m going to keep asking questions!

“A stare will do” what, exactly?  Turn them to stone?

-” A fate? Why is that so, sir?”

Unattributed dialogue in a scene with four characters?  Really?!?

But the unknown speaker asks a good question.  Which means we won’t get an answer.

-“Hmmm…”

As I just predicted.

Mr. De Vil stared at young boy pretending to see his soul. That made it easier to stare so much.

::stares at fic::

::stares so much::

::tilts head and squints::

There’s so little sense here, I can’t even pretend to see a soul.

He turned around and, as soon as he took one step foward, he tripped and fell on the floor.

Ha ha.

What?  I’ve been given no reason to care about this character.

-“Sir, are you alright?”, said the three of them in the same voice.

That’s quite a trick, to all speak in the same voice.  Like magic, or something.

It felt so embarrassing. This was not even close to the plan. He was mad.

I might* be more sympathetic if I knew what “the plan” was!

*might, but probably wouldn’t

And I’m pretty sure he’s been mad all along.

-” Yes!” , Mr. De Vil screamed like a child while running away.

He sure doesn’t seem alright to me.

When he was already gone, away from the trio, he looked at the window. He saw himself tripping and falling over and over again.

Some kind of magic instant replay window?  That just seems like a waste of magic.

-“Fuck!”, he screamed once more.

When did he scream it the first time?

And that word does not belong in either canon.

Well, we’ve reached the end of the rather pointless chapter.  Join me next time for the [Error:  Adjective Not Found] conclusion!

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14 Comments on “1489: Mr De Vil – Chapter Two”

  1. AdmiralSakai says:

    And who “all” is speechless? All of her eyes?!?

    I think the eldritch abomination girl has escaped that one Frozen ‘fic.

  2. AdmiralSakai says:

    Mr. De Vil stared at young boy pretending to see his soul.

    But only found Tarzan grammar.

  3. BatJamags says:

    -” Oh, yes my beautiful lady. I am indeed something else, but with a bit of luck, I just might become a teacher. After all, if I do become one, that would mean I would be able to see you every day, and honestly, only a mad man would miss that opportunity.”

    OH GOD WHY?!

  4. BatJamags says:

    Unattributed dialogue in a scene with four characters? Really?!?

    “We can be in any scene we like!”

    “Yeah, you can’t keep us out!”

    “End scene segregation!”

    Great, now you’ve riled up the Formless Voices again.

  5. BatJamags says:

    So… what is this? Does the third chapter explain at all what’s even happening here? All we know is that Mr. De Vil is going to Hogwarts, he may or may not end up being a teacher, and he wanted to impress the Golden Trio.

    We’re missing a whole lot of “why”s here.

  6. GhostCat says:

    Not long after that, when he was alreday in the train, Mr. De Vil noticed a girl and two boys. It was not hard to indentify Mr. Potter with that scar on this forehead. Walking towards them, he knew he had to make some sort of introduction.

    How exactly did he just randomly notice them if they are sitting in a compartment? I mean, if he saw them through the doorway or something he wouldn’t really need to “walk up” to them since he’d only be a few feet away at most.

  7. GhostCat says:

    He lifted his cane in the air, as if it was some sort of a show, and when the cane landed back into his hand, he bowed.

    So he lifted the cane into the air and then lowered it without ever throwing it or twirling it or even letting it go.

    This is meant to be impressive?

    • parrish122 says:

      Well, for him it probably is impressive. I’m mildly amazed that he managed to raise and lower his cane without bashing himself in the head. Or somehow accidentally causing any or all of the other three to suffer massive internal injuries. Seeing as how he has to constantly give himself pep talks before attempting the simplest tasks, he can’t walk away from them without falling, and has a very immature reaction to something that should cause only slight embarrassment.

  8. GhostCat says:

    As he was saying that, he took Hermione`s hand and gave her a small but a meaningful kiss.

    :cocks Xenodoken Gun:

    Imma need you to put down the hand and step back from the jailbait nice and slow.

    • Swenia says:

      *Walks in with a cohort of security Darkwraiths*

      I’ve got the containment team ready for Pedo Steve when he respawns.

      *The Darkwraiths start putting on their PPE suits*

      They’re naturally worried about touching him.

  9. "Lyle" says:

    They saw that very unusual man is standing next to them and seemed somewhat confused.

    DeVil does seem permanently confused, doesn’t he?

  10. "Lyle" says:

    The second Mr. De Vil heard them talking about him,he just couldn`t be quiet anymore. He lifted his cane in the air, as if it was some sort of a show, and when the cane landed back into his hand, he bowed.

    Is he trying to be a teacher or a Big Top Ringmaster? I’m completely lost.


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