1475: Mr De Vil – Chapter One

Title: Mr De Vil
Author: CreepyCat
Media: Books/Movies
Topic: Harry Potter / 101/102 Dalmatians
Genre: none listed
URL: Chapter One
Critiqued by Addicted Reader

Hello again, loyal readers.  I really don’t know why you keep on coming back, other than some masochistic tendencies, but since you’re here, I may as well find something for us to look at.

For my last riff, I decided to wander back into the Harry Potter cross-over section since there’s so much there.  This time, I stayed there and started scrolling through the list of canons that have exactly one HP cross-over fic, and I found this:  HP x “101 Dalmations.”

::record scratch::

I know.  I had to go look, and here it is!

Let’s start with the summary, shall we?

You have all heard about Cruella De Vil, but this time the story revolves around her younger brother, Mr. De Vil. He just got a letter from Dumbledore telling him to come to Hogwarts and later maybe become a teacher. The thing is, Mr. De Vil has a few plans of his own. Will he turn out to be very close to Harry or will he try to kill him? Find out…

Oh, so many questions!

Does this character have a first name?

What is meant by “come to Hogwarts and later maybe become a teacher”?  I’m assuming “come to Hogwarts” does not mean as a student, but who else is at Hogwarts other than students and teachers/staff?

Are “close to Harry” or “try to kill him” the only two options?  Is indifference not an option?  At least it tells us approximately when in HP canon this is happening, which is better than we got last time.

Will the author answer any of these question?  Let’s go find out!

Chapter 1
– “Dumbledore finally asked me to be a professor at Hogwarts. Well… Not yet, but I am sure he will. And what a perfect timing….”, said Mr. De Vil with a slightly evil smile upon his face. He just couldn`t believe his luck. Sure, he is thirty years old, but living under his sisters shadow had never been pleasurable.

So we get dialogue attribution right of the bat, and almost formatted properly, but to whom is Mr. [Name] De Vil speaking?  And what’s with that dash at the beginning?

“slightly evil”?  Does that mean he’s only evil on weekends and the rest of the time tries to be inoffensive?

Of what relevance is the fact that he’s thirty years old?

I think this author has earned a whole cookie, though – half for almost formatting the dialogue correctly and half for avoiding numerals in the text.  I’m still not particularly optimistic about the rest of the fic.

-” Fortunatley, she got caught. Oh, that woman and her stupid dalmatians. People used to admire her, and for what? For stupid coats of lesser creatures. It sickens me even now…”

Seriously, what’s with the dash?!?  Looking ahead, it’s before every set of opening quotation marks, which continue to have an incorrect space after them.

I’m taking away the author’s cookie.

And does this author not have spell check?  That’s inexcusable.

He stood up and started walking around perfectly modern apartment. Everything around him was either black or white. Not only it reminded him of his older sister, but of his parents as well. His parents were both designers but they had always appreciated that classic “black and white” look.

And not only does this author not have spell check, but words get skipped amazing frequency as well.

So he doesn’t like his sister but his (It is his? That’s not actually specified.) apartment is still done in her signature “black and white look”?  It sounds like he doesn’t realize that he’s allowed to make his own decor choices.  That’s just sad at his age.

-” I guess I appreciate it too…”

So is he having a conversation with his thoughts?  One side of the conversation is spoken aloud and the other isn’t?  That’s just weird.  When I have conversations with myself, I speak both sides aloud.  Much more sensible that way.

With sadness in his deep blue eyes, Mr. De Vil remembered the day he got that magnificent Hogwarts letter, the day he found out that he will be a wizard. His smile spoke for himself, for the happines in him could not be bigger. Of course, that did not last for long because Cruella was very angry. She never got hers so she took his letter and ripped it to pieces. He was devastated and very angry. Later that day, he killed her precious dalmatian. They just had that kind of a relationship.

And now the tense is starting to drift.  The fic is breaking up!  Take cover!!!

::dives under desk::

::peeks out::

I guess we’re ok for now, but stay alert!

She ripped up his letter – made of parchment, not alive – so he killed her dog – a living, breathing thing?!?  That is so beyond normal sibling rivalry.  That’s sociopathic.  Are we supposed to sympathize with this killer?

Also, smaller point, but I have to ask – did the loss of the letter mean that he didn’t go to Hogwarts at all?  Because that’s pretty dumb.

It made him think for a moment, but soon Mr. De Vil shook his head in an attempt to forget everything. He realised he doesn`t need that in his life anymore.

Yeah, don’t bother thinking, you’ll only get hurt.

But he doesn’t need what in his life anymore?  Hogwarts?  Because that doesn’t fit with the fact that he’s about to go there.  Sibling rivalry?  He was clearly overdoing it, so I guess it’s better that he move on from that.

-” It is my time now. After everything, I can finally prove that I am the genius one in the family. Everyone will look at me with respect and fear for I will move boundaries”

“Boundaries”?  What the Snark does that mean?  That word does not fit there.  To demonstrate, I had out our resident sound expert Herr record that sentence for us:

That’s about how I hear that.

Standing in front of a big mirror, he repeated those words to himself once more, looking at the reflection. Mr. De Vil had very firm facial features. His black and white hair stood out even more because of the paleness of his skin. He wore black vest and the tie of the same color while the dress shirt was heavenly white and so was the coat. Gloves had to be red, so they match with the inner part of the coat.

So the presence of the mirror confirms my suspicions that he’s been talking to himself this whole time.

Other than the “firm facial features” – is he stone? – this description sounds a lot like Cruella de Vil:

db6902aa2f3216af460f1c1f87ba43bd

So that’s a nice lack of originality there.  And the author didn’t even do a good job of the description!

Now, only one thing was left to do.

Kidnap puppies?

-” Mr. Potter. Hmm… It`s so nice to meet you.”

Wait, is Harry there with him?!?

::looks around::

No, still talking to himself.  Practicing in front of the mirror, I guess.  Though why one would need to practice saying “hi,” I don’t know.

After saying that he looked distressed. It was not the kind of greating he wanted to give that boy. Walking back and fourth, he started to think out loud.

What other kind of greeting is there?

By the way, Urban Dictionary has no definition for “greating.”  You know a misspelling is bad if no one has pretended it’s a slang word yet.

I’ve got nothing for “back and fourth,” but I can’t just let it slide …

-” Ok, think. It is his third year. I will be his teacher. There will be dementors all over the place. Naturally, the boy will be scared. And that is just…. Perfect! I need to look more powerful… Yes, let`s try again”

Oh, hey, a very specific point in the timeline!  Have some cookie crumbs, author.

I’m a little worried about what he means by looking “more powerful” …

This time, he looked extremely serious.

-” Mr. Potter…”

He just stood there looking at himself after only saying the his name and realised that it shoud be enough. It is very distant, but just what he was going for.

Wait, does he want to be powerful, serious, or distant?  Those are all very different things.

And why is he trying so hard to impress a student, anyway?  I could get wanting to appear “teacher-y” to all of the students, but it’s a bit creepy that he cares so much about one particular student.

With a smile on his face, Mr. De Vil looked at the horror on his face could not be bigger.

And I have no idea what any of that means.

-” Shit, I`ll be late for the train”

He better not talk like that around the students!

He took his belongings and quickly ran out of the apartment.

And that was all the preparation he has done for his new role as a Hogwarts teacher.

I know a lot of teachers, so I’m pretty sure preparing to teach takes more than practicing saying a student’s name in front of the mirror.  And he hasn’t actually been asked to teach.  This could get interesting.

Join me next week to see just how interesting (or not)!

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19 Comments on “1475: Mr De Vil – Chapter One”

  1. AdmiralSakai says:

    You have all heard about Cruella De Vil, but this time the story revolves around her younger brother, Mr. De Vil.

    The De Vils named their second child “Mr.”? With the dot and everything?

  2. AdmiralSakai says:

    Are “close to Harry” or “try to kill him” the only two options?

    Also, why are those options presented as being mutually exclusive?

  3. AdmiralSakai says:

    That sociopathic.

    No, that Tarzan grammar.

    And I am disappoint.

  4. AdmiralSakai says:

    He wore black vest and the tie of the same color
    Not just any tie, mind you, but the tie.

    I wonder if it has legendary tie powers.

  5. GhostCat says:

    So … Dumbledore asked Nameless DeVil to be a teacher at Hogwarts, only not really, but he gets on the train to go the Hogwarts anyway. And Cruella tore up Nameless’ letter so he wasn’t able to attend Hogwarts because [reasons], so he probably didn’t receive any of the standard education he would need to be a teacher at the school in the first place.

    Ghostie’s think-meat hurt now.

  6. For my last riff, I decided to wander back into the Harry Potter cross-over section

    *Alarms blare in a shrill manner*

    Jill Karina: All hands, we have a Harry Potter crossover incoming! Battlestations!

    HP x “101 Dalmations.”

    Jill: It’s a crossover with… The hell is that? *Looks it up* Jill: 101 Dalmatians. Which is exactly what it sounds like. *Closes shipwide comms.

  7. BatJamags says:

    [ERROR: Response to fic not found]

    [Load response manually?]

    [Searching for response…]

    [Loading…]

    [Loading…]

    [Loading…]

    What the hell?!

  8. "Lyle" says:

    Also, smaller point, but I have to ask – did the loss of the letter mean that he didn’t go to Hogwarts at all? Because that’s pretty dumb.

    Especially since, if we all remember the first book and/or the first movie, if you lose or do not receive your Hogwart’s letter, they keep sending them until you get it. I would imagine that if his letter was torn up, another would be sent. Just because she destroyed his letter doesn’t mean he can’t still go to Hogwarts. There was nothing in the letter about “You must present this as your entrance ticket.”

  9. "Lyle" says:

    What… what the heck was that all about? Given that he’s a DeVil, I worry he wants to skin Harry and make a coat out of him.

  10. […] Lyle’s comment on Chapter One, the first thing that comes to mind when I read this is that Mr. De Vil’s made […]


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