1454: My Bleeding Crimson Despair – Chapter 4

Title: My Bleeding Crimson Despair
Author: DrakosGurl616
Media: Film/Book
Topic: Harry Potter
Genre: Drama/Romance
URL:  Chapter 4
Critiqued by Ghostcat with special guest Syl

 

 

 

 

Hello, Patrons, and welcome back to MBCD!

When last we left KaytSue, she had just finished having a prophetic dream that left her with the realization that she is in love with someone who is as yet unnamed.

“We’re gonna have sex!”

:scoots chair away from Syl: And that would be our resident Free Trader, who thinks there’s going to be a sex scene in this chapter.

“You said that when What’s-her-name confesses to Whomever that they would have sex!”

I said I thought that she would have sex, but that may or may not happen. She might not even get around to confessing in this chapter.

“I went to the trouble of having these bleachers built.” :points to nearby bleachers where numerous minions are seated: “So you better hope something happens or I will make it happen. No pressure, though.”

Right. No pressure. :squints: Is that the Perversion Fellowship?

“We really need to come up with a better name. That makes it sound like we’re journeying to Mordor in search of orc porn.”

Chapter Four: The Fiery Resentment in My Heart

Did everyone in the Potter’verse start worshipping the red god R’hllor?

“Does this mean we can burn the infidels?!?”

You’re way to excited about that.

Harry didn’t like grading papers. It was the one downside of being a teacher. He marked another F and flipped to the next essay, sighing with sadness.

Let’s see; coming up with the lesson plan, dealing with smart-mouthed kids all day, long hours, little pay, near-constant illnesses from being around dozens of little germ factories, and staggering student loan debts … Yeah, the grading papers thing is the worst.

“Did you used to be a teacher?”

No, but I have relatives who are.

The door to his office creaked open and Kaytlynn walked in. As always, Harry was astounded by how sexy his daughter was.

:sounds of a Plasma Caster warming up:

Settle down, Swenia.

Her raven hair swirled around the ivory shoulders that were exposed by her black spaghetti-strap shirt. She
sat in the chair across from him, crossing her perfect white legs.

“Girl needs to get some sun. Not even a vampire is that pale.”

Well, she is English.

“Is she?”

Ummm … :checks fic: Well, damn. The fic never really establishes that.

“Dad,” she said. “We have to talk.”

“What about?” Harry asked.

“Your inappropriate feelings towards your adopted daughter?”

Please, no. The less he explores those feelings, the less likely it is that an angry anthropomorphic lion will shoot up my Riffing Chamber with charged plasma bolts.

Kaytlynn looked away from him and bit her lip. “I’m…I’m in love…”

Yes, we know; we had to sit through that very confusing dream sequence.

“I nodded off about halfway through, did I miss anything?”

Not really.

And suddenly, Harry knew that this was what he had always dreamed of. Kaytlynn coming into his office, confessing her true, deep love for him. He would be able to leave Ginny and marry Kaytlynn. They would grow old together and have babies. It would be great!

:Ghostie dives under her desk:

“What the hell are you doing?”

I’m … Looking for a pencil I dropped.

“What was that? I can’t hear you over the sound of Swenia growling.”

“Kaytlynn,” he replied, “So am I.”

Harry reached across the desk, grabbed Kaytlynn’s shoulders, and kissed her. He even put his tongue in her mouth! They kissed passionately until Kaytlynn pushed him away.

:zzzzzip-POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP! POP!:

—THE LIBRARY IS EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES—

—PLEASE STAND BY—

:Ghostie emerges from under her desk to survey the damage; piles of smoldering rubble litter the room, every surface is scored with long streaks of carbon, and a thick layer of strawberry-scented fire-retardant foam frosts everything like pale pink snow:

Well, that was … Something. :looks around: Don’t tell me we’ve finally gotten rid of Syl?

:faintly: “I’m over here!” :A hand sticking out of a pile of rubble waves cheerily:

Damn.

:Syl sits up, causing a mini-rubbleslide; she is liberally coated in blood and dust and is holding her severed right arm in her left hand: “I can hear you, you know.”

HOLY SHIT! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR ARM?!?!?

“What?” :looks down, then at the stump ending at her elbow: “Oh, right; I should probably fix this. You have any tape or glue? And maybe a Wet Nap?”

You need a doctor!

:snorts: “With your medical staff? I’ll take my chances with the glue.”

If that’s the way you want it … :Ghostie offers Syl a bottle of glitter glue:

“No glitter!”

“What are you doing?” she yelled. “You can’t kiss me, you’re my father!”

“He’s not the only one to blame, you know.”

If you say she was asking for it by dressing the way she does, I will tear your other arm off and beat you with it.

:blows raspberry at Ghostie: “Not like that, it says right up there” :points with severed arm: “that ‘they kissed passionately’ until KaytSue broke it off. She initially reciprocated.”

Ewwww.

Harry blushed with shame at the mistake he had just made. “I thought…I thought that you were in love with me…”

You are a sorry-ass father if that was the first conclusion you jumped to.

“He makes my father look good, and that bastard sold me to a cult of assassins when I was nine.”

Nine?!?

“I was a problem child.”

That I have no trouble believing, but it still seems a little harsh.

“No! I’m not in love with you!” She stood up and started pacing around the room, crying angrily. “Can’t I ask for advice from my father without having to make out with him?”

A legitimate question – you really should be able to speak with your parent, adopted or not, without having to worry about them sticking their tongue down your throat. Although the way that statement is worded, it almost looks like Harry was demanding a kiss from KaytSue as payment for whatever advice he was going to give her.

“That’s a terrible business plan; negotiable currency is much more satisfying than a quick snuggle.”

You’re all heart, Syl.

“If Swenia’s aim was worse, I could have been.”

“I’m sorry!” he said. “I’m so sorry, Kaytlynn…”

“I don’t love you!” she screamed. “I’m in love with Draco Malfoy, so fuck you!”

“I think that was his original plan, sweetheart.”

:Ghostie grabs Syl’s arm and throws it as hard as she can:

Fetch!

“Bitch.” :scrambles over a pile of rubble: “And you throw like a girl!”

Well, at least I was right about her Twu Luv being Draco. Not that it comes as much of a surprise.

Kaytlynn turned around and ran out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Harry stared after her and started to cry.

Am I supposed to feel sorry for PedoHarry? Because I don’t. He’s the one building all these unreasonable fantasies in his mind and it’s not KaytSue’s fault she reacted like a horrified child would.

Later

“These tags continue being very helpful.”

That didn’t take long.

“Like I said, you throw like a girl.”

You realize you’re disparaging your own gender, right?

:shrugs and fits her arm back together: “I calls ’em like I see ’em.” :wiggles arm: “Hey, are elbows supposed to bend like this? It feels weird.”

I think I’m going to be sick.

Eve was walking through the halls, thinking of ways to be an evil Slytherin. She turned a corner and bam! Kaytlynn ran into her.

“OW!” Eve yelled. “Watch where you’re going!”

I don’t think even a Sue can see around corners.

“She could if we gouged her eyes out and mounted them on her hands.”

You’ve been in my horror DVD collection again, haven’t you?

“Sorry,” Kaytlynn whimpered. She swiped a hand across her eyes. “Eve, you’re my friend, right?”

“Um…okay, we’ll go with that.”

“Damn, I love this girl.”

She is by far the most likeable character I’ve ever had in a fic.

“That is so sad.”

“Well, I’m in love. And my dad thought I was in love with him. And I think he’s in love with me. But I’m not in love with him, I’m in love with Draco Malfoy. And I don’t think Professor Malfoy’s in love with me.” Kaytlynn sobbed one last time and wiped her eyes. She looked so sad and lost that Eve felt a little bad for her.

“Why does she think Professor LeatherPants has the hots for her?”

Because she’s in love with him and naturally he would return her affections despite zero evidence supporting this assumption.

“Whyever would he do that?”

Because she’s a Sue.

“Look, that sucks,” Eve said. “Why don’t you go tell Professor Malfoy how you feel? He’s a cool guy. Writes good poetry. Sort of like you. Well, not really, but sort of.” She patted Kaytlynn’s shoulder awkwardly.

“Professor LeatherPants is like her only not really? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Supposedly her poetry is better than his, but I doubt she’s even spouted a prophecy mid-poem so it’s a bit of a draw.

Kaytlynn looked at her suspiciously and asked, “You’re not in love with me, too, are you?”

:Syl snorts so hard her arm detaches itself: “Damn it all!”

That’s unsettling.

“It takes a minute for everything to reattach properly.” :fiddles with glue bottle: “Fuck it, I’ll just hold it. Tell me, is this a normal occurrence?”

I can’t remember your arm ever falling off before. I’d hope that would be something you would remember.

“Not this, this happens all the time; I was referring to random people falling in love with KaytSue.”

Oh, that. Well, she’s a Sue so it’s almost a given that everyone wants to jump her bones. Speaking of bones… :points: I can see your ulna.

“Damn it all!” :pops bone back in place:

“Let me assure you, K, if I was a lesbian, you’d be the first to know,” Eve answered. “Probably not the first I’d date, though.”

“I volunteer as tribute!”

Wrong source material.

“The offer still stands.”

Kaytlynn smiled at her and began to walk off. “Thanks, Eve, you’re such a good friend. I hope you meet someone really special!”

“I’m special!”

In so many meanings of the word.

“Don’t think I won’t slap you with my own severed arm.”

In Draco’s Classroom

The imagery is so vivid, I’m almost overwhelmed. :sneezes: No, wait; it was just the dust.

Just like Harry, Draco was grading papers. He graded papers really, really sexily.

:Ghostie looks at Syl:

Any ideas?

“Professor LeatherPants must have very erotic penmanship.”

Isn’t he the Flying Professor? Why does he have papers to grade at all?

“Such is the depth of his eroticism; students give him papers just for the pleasure they receive from having him grade them.”

You’ve put a lot of thought into this, haven’t you?

When Kaytlynn walked in, she was completely overcome with love.

Because of the way he’s grading his nonexistent papers?

“He has very, very erotic penmanship.”

I seriously doubt anyone’s penmanship is that erotic.

“Just wait until I can use this arm again and I’ll prove you wrong.”

…I’ll pass, thanks.

He was so beautiful with his silver hair and black eyeliner. His silvery eyes flicked up to look at her.

“He has silver eyes?”

Not in any canon I know of, but his Technicolor eyes were briefly mentioned in a previous chapter.

“What do you want?” he asked.

She wants you, dumbass.

“Served up on a silver platter to match his shimmery eyes and hair.”

Garnishes optional.

“Philistine; garnishes are never optional.”

For a moment, Kaytlynn was speechless. He just looked so sexy and tortured!

“He’s being tortured?!? We have to save Professor LeatherPants!”

Not literally!

(OMG I LOVE DRACO!1)

:THWACK!:

No Author’s Notes in the narration!

Then she said, “Professor Malfoy, I’m in love with you.”

At which point he should very gently explain that he is an adult as well as her teacher and it would be immoral, unethical, and illegal for them to have any sort of romantic relationship and that what she’s feeling is nothing but a crush – a minor infatuation brought about by a combination of hormones and close proximity to an attractive male who is her ideal fantasy.

“You’re just an eternal optimist, aren’t you?”

I did say “should”.

He opened his mouth to say, “You could never quench the fiery resentment that burns in my heart,” but then he realized that he was wrong! All of a sudden, he realized that Kaytlynn may be just the right person to heal his soul.

Suddenly, love!

“And from behind – but only if she’s into that sort of thing.”

So instead, he said, “I love you, too, Kaytlynn. Come here.”

Oh, crapcakes.

:the Perversion Fellowship reassembles the bleachers while Syl passes out popcorn:

She came over to his desk. He pushed her down so that she was lying on his desk and they started to make out. Slowly, they took off each other’s clothes and started to have sex. Kaytlynn felt soooo good, doing it with her true love. She was so in love with Draco that it hurt.

:spits out popcorn: ” Is that it? What the hell was that?!?”

Huh. As badfic sex scenes go, that was surprisingly painless.

“Not for KaytSue.”

Just when they were about to orgasm, the door opened.

Idiot. If you having sex, even if it’s not highly illegal sex with a minor, you should do everyone the courtesy of locking your door. Or at least put a sock on the knob or something. No one wants to see your sweaty naked ass jiggling all over the place.

“I wouldn’t mind seeing Professor LeatherPants sans his leather pants.”

… Don’t try to distract me.

They both looked at who had walked in. It was…!

“An exclamation mark?”

They are the voyeurs of the punctuation world.

Author’s Note: Sorry it took me so long and sorry this chapter is so short! Who walked in? You’ll just have to wait for next time!

You want to take a guess as to who it might be?

“Tooth Fairy?”

Probably not. I’m going to say PedoHarry, because the fic seems determined to wedge some incest in somewhere.

OMG isn’t Draco SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SEXY! I think he’s totally gorgeous! And so does Kaytlynn LOLZ!

Is he really all that sexy? All the concrete information the audience has about him is that he has silvery hair and eyes, wears black eyeliner and nail polish, and likes leather pants.

“Works for me.”

Anywayz, the next chapter is coming quicker, I swear!

Don’t worry, it happens to a lot of fics.

“Have you tried thinking about baseball? I’ve heard that helps.”

Until next time!

That seems like a good place to end things for the day.

“I think you’re just being lazy.”

There’s that, too.

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52 Comments on “1454: My Bleeding Crimson Despair – Chapter 4”

  1. AdmiralSakai says:

    Chapter Four: The Fiery Resentment in My Heart

    *Tosses the ‘fic a bottle of Tums.*

    • SC says:

      Yeah, spicy food does that to me too, author.

      • GhostCat says:

        The last Library Chili Cook-Off was brutal; I don’t think Crunchy and Eliza should be allowed to enter anymore due to the whole “bird precursors aren’t affected by capsaicin” thing.

      • SC says:

        Specs: Thankfully, super spicy food is far from the worst thing I’ve ever eaten.

        Please do not regale us with any tales from your past about how you and your mercenary buddies had to on bird carcasses when laying low in the Israeli hills.

        Specs: Ew, what? Bro, we never had to do that! We did have to survive off assorted insects while on the run from Saladin’s soldiers after accidentally stepping into one of their secret battle camps, though.

        Ugh…

  2. SC says:

    Is that the Perversion Fellowship?

    “We really need to come up with a better name. That makes it sound like we’re journeying to Mordor in search of orc porn.”

    Glasses: You mean we’re not?!

    Rose: Aww…

    Shades: Bollocks. And here I went to all the trouble of asking Specs to loan me this armor suit…

  3. SC says:

    “Does this mean we can burn the infidels?!?”

    You’re way to excited about that.

    Specs: Huh boy. You had to go and remind me about THAT part of the Third Crusade, didn’t you?

  4. SC says:

    As always, Harry was astounded by how sexy his daughter was.

    Glasses: Mine’s better.

    *Rose wiggles happily in her seat*

  5. SC says:

    You need a doctor!

    :snorts: “With your medical staff? I’ll take my chances with the glue.”

    Doc: Probably for the best. I’ve never really had a hand in reattaching limbs before. That shit was left for the surgeons to figure out.

  6. AdmiralSakai says:

    “He makes my father look good, and that bastard sold me to a cult of assassins when I was nine.”

    Nine?!?

    “I was a problem child.”

    That I have no trouble believing, but it still seems a little harsh.

    Yeah, I hear you.

    What did that cult ever do to deserve SYL??

    • Syl says:

      They’re not doing much of anything anymore. I sort of took it upon myself to dissolve the organization – literally.

      • SC says:

        Those poor assassins.

        Specs: All they ever wanted was to kill people, is that such a crime?

        …Yes, actually.

      • Syl says:

        The Red Sisters preached that Death was the greatest achievement a person could obtain and that murder was a holy act, and then I discovered that behind the ceremonies and prayers they were little more than thugs for sale to the highest bidder. I was understandably upset to learn that my faith was a pretty lie meant to keep me from questioning the Mothers’ orders.

  7. SC says:

    “He makes my father look good, and that bastard sold me to a cult of assassins when I was nine.”

    Monocle: MY FATHER STOOD IN OPPOSITION OF MY ACQUISITION OF THE THRONE. WE BATTLED UNTIL HIGH NOON THREE DAYS LATER, AT WHICH POINT I FINALLY CUT OFF HIS FILTHY HEAD AND SKEWERED IT ON MY BLADE AS A TROPHY!

    So that’s why your sword smells so bad all the time…

    • Syl says:

      Ugh. No finesse. I bet you marched right up to him and challenged him to a fight rather than creeping up and jabbing a blade in his kidneys while he was taking a piss.

      • SC says:

        Recall that the King of Warlords made it incredibly clear how lacking in tactical prowess Monocle is. You’re more on point than you think, I’d guess.

        Monocle: HARDLY! HE CHALLENGED ME TO HONORABLE COMBAT AND LOST. I WAS WELL WITHIN MY RIGHTS TO CLAIM A PRIZE!

        …And that does what to help your case?

    • CrunchyRaptor says:

      My father was a master nest builder, an unparalleled hunter, and the prettiest male in the valley. His plumage was a symphony of iridescent color; my kin, had they the capacity to write, would have authored many a volume of poetry about his beauty.

      I think he may have been the only member of my family that I did not utterly despise at the time.

  8. AdmiralSakai says:

    “Well, I’m in love. And my dad thought I was in love with him. And I think he’s in love with me. But I’m not in love with him, I’m in love with Draco Malfoy. And I don’t think Professor Malfoy’s in love with me.

    Oh, shit, now I’m going to have to break out my directed acyclic who-loves-who graph.

  9. SC says:

    You’re all heart, Syl.

    “If Swenia’s aim was worse, I could have been.”

    Shades: Oh, well fuck you too, then.

    *Shades points to a gaping hole in her chest, not unlike the one that killed her in her past life, before collapsing to the ground dead again*

  10. SC says:

    :Ghostie grabs Syl’s arm and throws it as hard as she can:

    Fetch!

    *Glasses trots over to SC and hands him Syl’s arm happily*

    …I thought you were a cat?

    Glasses: Cats can fetch too, you racist!

  11. SC says:

    OMG isn’t Draco SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SEXY! I think he’s totally gorgeous! And so does Kaytlynn LOLZ!

    *Shades angrily shoves her head in a water basin, but comes up for air after a few seconds*

    Glasses: What we you doing?

    Shades: I was trying to drown myself.

    Glasses: Oh, that’s easy! Here, let me help!

    *Glasses shoves Shades’ head back underwater and holds her down while Shades attempts to fight back*

    Glasses: Now now, Shadesie, I’m just trying to help!

  12. AdmiralSakai says:

    She came over to his desk. He pushed her down so that she was lying on his desk and they started to make out. Slowly, they took off each other’s clothes and started to have sex. Kaytlynn felt soooo good, doing it with her true love. She was so in love with Draco that it hurt.

    What, no Frenching passively?

    Did he at least put his thingy in her you-know-what?

  13. BatJamags says:

    “We really need to come up with a better name. That makes it sound like we’re journeying to Mordor in search of orc porn.”

    Yeah, you did that last week!

  14. BatJamags says:

    And suddenly, Harry knew that this was what he had always dreamed of. Kaytlynn coming into his office, confessing her true, deep love for him. He would be able to leave Ginny and marry Kaytlynn. They would grow old together and have babies. It would be great!

    “Kaytlynn,” he replied, “So am I.”

    Harry reached across the desk, grabbed Kaytlynn’s shoulders, and kissed her. He even put his tongue in her mouth! They kissed passionately until Kaytlynn pushed him away.

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
    HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Whew. Alright. Now, where was I?

    AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH-

    GoodJamags: I agree, but I’m going to have to hit “Post Comment” before you break the computer again.

    • BatJamags says:

      “What are you doing?” she yelled. “You can’t kiss me, you’re my father!”

      NO SHIT!

      *PISTOL-WHIP!*

      *SLAM!*

  15. BatJamags says:

    You are a sorry-ass father if that was the first conclusion you jumped to.

    “He makes my father look good, and that bastard sold me to a cult of assassins when I was nine.”

    Nine?!?

    “I was a problem child.”

    That I have no trouble believing, but it still seems a little harsh.

    I know, right? I mean, I’ve got no love for assassins, but sentencing them to deal with not only Syl, but a nine-year-old Syl, is just way over-the-top.

  16. BatJamags says:

    “Sorry,” Kaytlynn whimpered. She swiped a hand across her eyes. “Eve, you’re my friend, right?”

    “Um…okay, we’ll go with that.”

    I WANT TO READ A FIC ABOUT EVE!

    GoodJamags: And I’ve been trying to come up with a sufficiently witty All About Eve reference for the last half hour. Also, stop shouting. The pedophilia and emoness are already painful enough without your going all Monocle on us.

  17. BatJamags says:

    They both looked at who had walked in. It was…!

    “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

    It was…………………………………………………….Dumbledore!

  18. KittyNoodles says:

    “We really need to come up with a better name. That makes it sound like we’re journeying to Mordor in search of orc porn.”

    No need to go all the way to Mordor for that. You can find plenty of gems right here in our Library!

  19. Swenia says:

    *Growls angrily as she throws things around the room while digging through drawers and boxes*

    WHO THE FUCK HID ALL MY CLIPS!?

  20. Swenia says:

    Just when they were about to orgasm, the door opened.

    CRUNCHY!!! What did I tell you about knocking!?


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