1451: My Little Unicorn: Magic is Believing (That still means nothing) Chapter 23

Title: My Little Unicorn:  Magic Is Believing
Author: Dakari-King Mykan
Media: Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL:  Chapter 23
Critiqued by Erttheking

Ert: You know, we’re starting to document the various kinds of bad.

Nora: There’s so bad it’s good like Half-Life, Full Life Consequences. Then there’s offensively bad, like everything EP created. There’s mediocre bad, like most of the the fan fiction out there. Now there’s boringly bad, like this story.

Ert: I regret taking on this story a bit. There’s nothing to talk about, it just keeps repeating itself, nothing to really pull apart. Well, let’s see if I can wring anything out of the last few chapters.

Reunited and Trusting

Goeth: Even though there has barely been any separation, and no distrust in this story. You have an excellent understanding of the English Language.

In the void of dimensional space, that sinister voice behind the glowing red eyes hissed. “The time has come. Are you ready my friend?”

Nora: I see there’s a random pair of eyes floating around with someone talking behind him.

Goeth: So that’s where my Halloween costume went. I’ve been looking for it.

The shadowy image of whatever Discord was now extended his large wings and claws. “I am…” he said deeply. “The unicorns will finally be no more, as per your desire, my master. At daybreak, I attack!”

Ert: Right. Discord. Someone did something about this.

(By beats0me)

Nora: Also he dies. Sorry for the spoiler, but I’m pretty sure not a single one of you cares about this story being spoiled. Neither do we, it was a spoiler for us too.

He and his master, whoever he was, shared a sinister laugh while gazing at Unicornicopia off in the distance.

Ert: It’s Titan. Sorry, we spoiled that too, but it wasn’t a very good twist. Mykan is one of those people who thinks just not flat out telling someone what’s going to happen makes it a twist. Even if the foreshadowing is as subtle as a brick to the face.

The gang was at Grand Ruler’s palace, eagerly awaiting the arrival of their guests. Princesses Celestia and Luna were on their way with Krysta. A royal red carpet was placed along the way from the portal gate and the guards were standing at the ends.

Nora: Royal red? What’s the difference between royal red and regular red? And when did everyone else learn about what’s happening?

Ert: Magic

Cookie Dough had been summoned to the castle and was busy preparing a meal under The Grand Ruler’s orders. The princesses were bound to be famished after being locked up for some time and after their inter-dimensional journey.

Goeth: Mainly because his main cook was turned into an un-person for questioning the will of the ruler.

Ert: Either that or this place just isn’t run with any competency. Both are possible.

Brain requested to be present too. This was a dream come true to be able to meet creatures
from another world.

Nora: This is the fourth time this chance has come up! First Lightning, then Krysta, then the elves, and now this! This isn’t special Mykan.

“I only wish the circumstances were a little more… eh… erm… pleasant, as it were.”

Goeth: I can fix that! Drop the lances! Target population centers!

The moment Krysta explained about the dangers of Equestria, after a short debate it was decide that Krysta was to go back to Equestria and bring the two princesses to Unicornicopia.

Nora: Ah yes. That is totally a logical connection and a smooth transition. Totally not something that Mykan wrote at the last second second.

“Once they’ve arrived, we might be able to devise a way to help them.” said Buddy Rose.

“I tell you…” said Artie “From what Krysta said… that Night Mare surely lives up to her name.”

Ert: The name that Mykan messed up. And her name suggests that she’s a mare made out of night. So no, she doesn’t live up to her name.

Rhymey was easily the most worried, he had only recently just visited Equestria and it all seemed so beautiful and tranquil.

Goeth: Ah yes. People often delude themselves into believing things that never happened. It’s a coping mechanism. See, he was there for one day and hated most of it. He has been conditioned into believing he actually saw more. We are not at war with Equestria. We have never been at war with Equestria.

Nora: These 1984 jokes right themselves.

He gazed down at the butterfly clip that Fluttershy gave to him.

Ert: Right. That was a thing that added nothing.

“Please be alright!
Just hang in tight!” he said in his mind.

Ert: RHYMEY!

Ert: THAT!

Lightning came downstairs from seeing The Grand Ruler. “How is his majesty, Amigo?” asked Dyno.

Nora: King Amigo? Well he’s doing just fine. He’s still in exile after the coup, but he’s building his forces.

“Is he really that nervous?” asked Myte.

Goeth: Amazing. He knows that the Grand Ruler is nervous even though it was never mentioned.

Just the concerned look on Lightning’s face answered the question. Grand Ruler was very nervous indeed about Celestia coming, and everyone was told why. “Who could blame him…?” asked Starla.

Nora: Just people who want him to keep his head on straight. The ones that haven’t been sent to the death camps.

Celestia was no ordinary unicorn,

Ert: Due to her not actually being a unicorn. She’s an Alicorn. But that’s probably too complicated for him.

she wasn’t just the ruler of Equestria, but The Grand Ruler’s former-fiancé as well, and he hadn’t seen or heard from her in well over a-thousand years, and after all this time, what was to really be expected?

Nora: Oh nothing. Just anger that he never tried to make contact with her. Minor things.

The portal began to glow, and Krysta and her followers were first to emerge, and that’s when the royal musicians sounded their horns,

Ert: GAH! When did they get there!?

and Krysta thought it not too impolite to announce. “Their royal highnesses…! Princess Celestia and Princess Luna! Rulers of Equestria…!”

Goeth: Announcing someone’s presence is considered moderately impolite. I’ve been insulting people apparently. The author! Mykan!

The portal glowed again as the two sisters emerged. The gang stared in awe at the sight and mystical grace of the two princesses, especially Celestia, she was just as beautiful as Grand Ruler had described.

Nora: Shouldn’t this not be that big of a deal to people who regularly hang out with the Grand Ruler?

Ert: And shouldn’t Mykan be trying to bash MLP? He kind of sucks at this job.

The two princesses gracefully walked along the carpet, and each of the guards tipped their lances as they passed as form of greeting.

Goeth: Freud, Freud, Freud, Freud, Freud, Freud, Freud, Freud, Freud, Freud, Freud, Freud.

Celestia and Luna nodded to each and every one of them as they made their way into the main chamber where Lightning and the gang were waiting. They all bowed to the princesses and Lightning stood proud and said “On behalf of my mentor, The Grand Ruler, and all of us here, your majesties… I welcome you both to Unicornicopia in friendship and honor.”

Goeth: Nothing quite like boring formalities. It’s why Crunch and I greet each other with the blood of our victims.

The princesses bowed. “You will pardon my asking, but where is your leader?” asked Luna.

Nora: And he wasn’t there to greet them. The Grand ruler is a twat.

Ert: Nothing new there.

The royal fanfare sounded again,

Goeth: They get paid by the song, don’t they?

and the throne began to slowly spin round, and there he was. Celestia gasped softly. He gazed at her and had a hard time grasping that she was really there.

Nora: Head out of the gutter buddy. You know what she was coming a long time off. You should’ve steeled yourself for this.

Ert: But tragic!

It was now or never. He approached the carpet on all fours, and stopped at the last ten feet. A brief silence followed as he gazed into Celestia’s eyes, and she gazed into his.

Nora:…..LINE!?

Ert: Stutter! Stutter like you’re a five year old, on stage, and just came down with chronic hiccups!

The cape she had made him that he was wearing softly fluttered, just like her long and beautiful mane and tail. “Um… Greetings… Celestia.” he finally said.

Ert: Nailed it! Never act like an emotionally stable and well adjusted person!

Celestia’s heart began to race for the first time in ages.

Nora: I think there would’ve been a few things that would’ve gotten her heart rate going in the thousands of years between now and his disappearance.

Tears began to fall from her eyes. “Celesto…?” she peeped. Even though this was a royal gathering, and what she was about to do was considered rather improper. “Celesto…! Oh, Celesto!” she dashed right over to him, and he ran to her, both colliding in embrace. “I… thought you were gone forever!” she sobbed, “I thought I would never see you again.”

Goeth: Ah yes, the courtship rituals. They feel more fake than ever.

Ert: This time, it isn’t just you.

A single tear rolled down Grand Ruler’s cheek, “I have missed you so much.” he whispered to her.

Nora: It’s why I never tried to find you, contact you, or learn if you’re still alive!

Lightning smiled, Starla wiped a tear from her eye, and the twins… they were blubbering and hugging each other like the brothers they were.

Ert: As someone with a brother, I don’t remember blubbering and hugging my brother as part of our daily routine.

“Ay’ Ay’ Ay’! It’s so beautiful!” they cried. Two lost lovers reunited after being apart for so long.

Nora: Dyno and Myte are what now?

Goeth: Disgusting.

Ert: I AM SO FUCKING DONE!

As for Luna, Grand Ruler approached her, and remembered that it was she who responsible for what she did all those ages ago. He looked rather cross with her, and she bowed her head in shame, but to her surprise. “I welcome you as well, Princess Luna.” he said with pride.

Luna looked up and smiled, and then they both bowed to each other.

Nora: Look ma! No tension!

Ert: He’s forgiven the person who banished him. Except it turns out that she wasn’t. Because it was someone else. False, false tension.

Soon, they were all seated in the great hall and enjoying the meal Cookie Dough had made. They all thought it was delicious, especially the princesses.

Nora: This totally adds a lot! Just like it does every time George R.R. Martin describes someone eating!

Ert: YES GEORGE! I’m sure Brienne’s blood sausages are quite good, but I’d like it if she were to find Sansa a bit quicker!

Cookie Dough was flattered, but as business continued it became clear what the plan of action was. The only hope to defeat Night Mare was joining and combine forces.

Nora: I can think of five different ways they could do this. Don’t get me wrong, this is the most surefire way, but it’s not the only way.

Ert: They could just use the Elements of Harmony, Lightning and his friends could lure the minions away and finish them off one at a time, Lightning could use the Uniforce, Twilight could go back and start freeing slaves to start a revolt, the Grand Ruler could get off his lazy fucking ass for once in his life.

“The elements of harmony…” Luna explained “They will not be enough to thwart my evil, former self. She has become much stronger as you no doubt are aware.”

Goeth: I consider that to be highly implausable. In order to know that someone has become stronger, you need to be aware of their existence in the first place. Lightning, Krysta and GR were the only people outside of Equestria who knew that.

Ert: First Titan, now this. He loves keeping his citizens uninformed. Also the Elements of Harmony don’t work because Mykan wants to replace a bullshit MacGuffin with his bullshit MacGuffin.

“And Titan’s minions have been backing her up too.” Lightning said “And we’d thought we’d seen the last of them.”

Nora: That’s because you’re stupid.

Ert: Seriously! They didn’t die! If an enemy doesn’t die or repent, they’re a future threat! You have the survival instinct of a Dodo!

Even still, the elements of harmony combined with the rainbow stones was their only hope, but the elements were still buried deep within Night Mare’s castle, and despite becoming stronger she still could not break the spell Celestia used to seal the elements.

Goeth: Well that’s mighty convienent. She can’t break a spell Celestia created, but can still beat Celestia and Luna.

Ert: Power levels. Mykan sucks at them.

However, it decided that Celestia would remain in Unicornicopia for the while. The main concern was to get the elements and free Twilight and friends, for only they could effectively unleash the power.

Nora: All in favor of skipping any lovey dove bullshit say aye.

Ert: Aye!

Goeth: Aye!

Seiko: Aye!

Woods: Aye!

Cornelia: Aye

John Freeman, who was Gordon Freeman’s Brother: John Freehanded yellded I!

Nora: Aye! Motion carried. Any forced romance between the Grand Ruler and Celestia will be skipped.

Luna and a volunteer party would be sent back through the portal. “I know my former self better than any of us, and I do know of the location where the elements are sealed. If you trust me, we will succeed.” she said.

Ert: The more practical option would be to give everyone an in-depth briefing on Nightmare Moon, her strengths, weaknesses, tactics. Instead of having them running in blind.

The unicorns didn’t know what to think,

Nora: Nothing new there!

but Grand Ruler sealed the deal. “Very well, Princess Luna” he said and he tasked Buddy Rose, Artie, and Rhymey to go with her, to which they were forced to agree.

Goeth: Ah. Conscription.

Ert: And don’t bring your heaviest hitters. Because stupid.

They would leave at dawn, so everyone would have a chance to rest up. “I just hope they’re all doing okay back there.” said Arte.

Nora: They’ll have a good rest while you’re deep in enemy territory.

Ert: You’re supposed to divide ENEMY forces, not your own!

The rest period had long since ended and the slaves were forced back to work, but one of the guards came to Night Mare. “Gone…?” she snapped when she was told the princesses were missing from their cells, “Impossible…!”

Nora: GONE!?

She ordered her guards to begin searching high and low, and decided that her slaves would suffer for this escape. Longer work hours, less breaks, and hardly any rations at all now. How much more punishment could Twilight and her friends take.

Ert: Er, question mark missing there. Is Nightmare Moon trying to get people killed? Because that’s a good way to do this. It’s not like people are going to get much work done like this. Because to quote the Ten Commandments “A city is made of brick. The strong make many, the weak make few. The dead make none.” Also, nice going fairies. There was no need to save the Mane Six. Nope. Not at all.

Still, they continued to believe what Krysta said, that soon everything would be fine. They just hoped it wouldn’t be much longer. They couldn’t wait anymore.

Goeth: Doing something themselves would be impossible. It is a story. Only main characters are allowed to be relevant, due to nonsensical writing standards.

As night passed in Unicornicopia, Grand Ruler hadn’t been able to sleep very well. He was standing out on the terrace looking over his kingdom below. His heart was all torn up and his mind was going off in many directions. It was wonderful having Celestia back in his life, but would it last? What would happen from here on out?

That’s he noticed Celestia

Nora: SKIP!

The night had passed, and Grand Ruler made his flight to bring the dawn in. Celestia went with him, and she impressed that he remembered what she had taught him.

Ert: Pretty sure raising the sun isn’t just something you can teach. Otherwise, Celestia wouldn’t have had to pull double time raising the moon while Luna was gone.

Then they returned to the floating palace to find everyone was already awake.

Goeth: Already awake at daybreak? Unheard of.

Buddy Rose, Artie, and Rhymey stood with Luna “Are you ready…?” Grand Ruler asked his subjects. His subjects nodded and stood tall and brave. “Princess Luna…” said Celestia “You are charged with these unicorns’ safety. Make sure that nothing serious happens to them.”

Ert: Five…four…three…two…

Nora: Also, I love how pathetic the prose is. “They stood brave and tall and cool and badass.”

Luna bowed and understood. “Come along.” she said, and the three unicorns followed her to the portal gate. Then they jumped through and were gone, heading back to Equestria, or rather Nightmarica as it was now known.

Nora: No. That didn’t happen. Mykan needs to go out and learn how to come up with names or find access to a random name generator.

“There they go…” Lightning said.

“Do you think they’ll be alright?” asked Starla.

“I hope so…” said Krysta,

Ert: Well your hopes don’t really do much for anyone Krysta. So either go along with them and help, or shut up.

only she and Celestia knew how truly dangerous it was back there. Grand Ruler felt a little frustrated of having to stay behind. He longed to have a confrontation with Night Mare and make her pay for all she had caused for so many! Just once…!

Goeth: Ah yes. He could go, but he won’t. Due to nonsensical reasons and the fact that it would end the story.

Nora: A trademark of bad storytelling. When someone could end the conflict in three seconds but choses not to.

That’s when realized and reminded everyone that they had a guest. “Perhaps you would like a tour of the kingdom, Celestia?” he asked. Celestia nodded, “Oh, yes! I would like that very much.” She had only flown over the kingdom, but hadn’t actually seen much of it yet.

Ert: I feel like this is a massive waste of time. They should be doing something about Nightmare Moon, preparing the defenses of the kingdom, rallying forces.

Nora: But that would scare the stupid children Mykan seems to think that he’s writing for.

Lightning, Starla, and Krysta agreed to take her on a tour. Once again, Grand Ruler had to stay behind for he had his duties to do.

Goeth: What are they? Tell me Mykan, right on the spot. What are they?

Ert: Why do I see him throwing a temper tantrum when asked that…

Once in Nightmarica, Luna and her followers didn’t like the looks of what had obviously gotten way worse since Luna was away. Rhymey hated the sight of the kingdom most of all…

Ert: How would you know if it’s gotten worse? Did she take a picture and you’re now comparing it? And how has it gotten worse? It was already at absurd cartoon levels with the entire populace being enslaved in 24 hours. Even for a modern army moving at full speed across a small country that’d be impossible to pull off.

“It’s all been destroyed… it all is in ruin.
Surly, this is that Night Mare’s doin’!”

Nora: Wow, he actually has to force southernisms on Rhymey in order to make his rhyming work. That says a lot about how forced and awkward this is.

“I must say…” said Artie “Until now, I never realized how many different kinds of arts I wouldn’t like.”

Ert:…Is that him taking a shot at Rhymey? Fuck it, that’s my head canon.

Luna reminded the team why they were there. “Follow me, and stay low!” she whispered. Doing as they were told, they follower her along the mountains of rubble, and ruins of what Equestria once was. Every so often, a row of guards would pass by, shadowy black ponies created by Night Mare to serve as her first line of defense, and the team would duck out of the way.

Ert: Oh, so THAT’S how she’s maintaining her rule. Shadow soldiers. You think this is something that could’ve been brought up earlier, but Mykan was saving it. Because it’s such an original fucking concept.

The closer they got to the fortress, the more the guards seemed to pop out, and it was getting harder to duck them. “This is crazy…” snapped Buddy Rose “We need some sort of cover up.”

Nora: Ok, cover up. Equestria was building weapons of mass destruction. Yeah, that’ll do it.

Luna agreed and decided to use a little magic. “Don’t be frightened.” she said, and her horn began to glow as her shadowy mane seemed to expand, enveloping around the team and herself. Then, all was quiet, but the unicorns were confused. All the land around them seemed to be cloaked in a shadowy veil of darkness. “Come along…” Luna said, and the team followed her, directly through a path where the guards would easily see them, but surprisingly they didn’t even move or seem to notice them. “We are invisible to them.” Luna explained, “We are cloaked under the shadows of my mane and blending in with our surroundings.”

Goeth: Something that she didn’t think to do earlier. And shadows don’t blend in with anything other than other shadows.

Ert: This is why you plan things out in advance and don’t make them up on the go.

The others thought this was incredible…

Nora: How cute. They think we care.

“How great for us.
They can’t see us.” said Rhymey.

Ert: YOU CHEATING BITCH! TRY HARDER OR STOP!

He even stood in front of a guard and waved at him, but the guard didn’t notice a thing.

Goeth: I see that he is secretly suicidal and actively trying to get himself killed.

Ert: If only.

“Look!” cried Luna. The fortress was just up ahead. “Let’s go…” Artie said calmly “Nice and easy.” That’s what they thought, but someone was indeed aware of their intrusion!

Celestia had a wonderful tour of Unicornicopia, visiting all the locations, even if they were for a brief moment, and then it was off to Rainbow City.

Nora: Ok, Goeth, we need you to have a look at the time fluctuations. They toured an entire country in half an hour.

Ert: Maybe his Kingdom is the size of a postage stamp.

Goeth: We’ll see what the readings say…the scanner just punched me in the face

Celestia was impressed, but felt the kingdom was not whole- except for Krysta; there weren’t any kinds other of creatures, not even any ground-ponies or pegasi, or even a bird in the sky… just winged unicorns all doing their jobs, or playing, and all wearing armor and identical outfits.

Goeth: Ah, so the Grand Ruler didn’t create a functioning ecosystem nor a genetically diverse pool. It’s even gone on record that 90% of the population is male. This is why you don’t play god. Not because of any foolish moral quandaries, most people are just bad at it.

No one had a cutie-mark either, but rather an identification number, and no one seemed to be using or relying on any magic.

“We Unicornicopians evolve as a warrior-race, your highness.” Lightning explained

Ert: HA!

“And while we do find time to dance and play and sometimes party, we are not as luxurious as you and the Equestrians.”

Ert: HA! HA HA HA! HA! YOU’RE REALLY FUCKING FUNNY! Feeding us bullshit like that and expecting us to swallow it.

Celestia could tell that a warrior’s life really was difficult. Then again, even she wouldn’t like it when she tried to throw a party or a gala and then some evil creature would come and ruin everything.

Nora: No. These people are not warriors. For starters, Lightning and his friends are the only people who have ever fought. If they’re warriors, they’re lousy warriors. Second of all, we never see any type of military training, tactics or weaponry. Third of all, it’s laughable to claim that they don’t have a life of luxury, considering all the goofing off they do when there isn’t a threat. Which is most of the time. Hell, most of their “Jobs” really just feels like them practicing their hobbies, assuming their jobs aren’t something vague like Lightning’s.

Ert: Mykan, if you want to right an obnoxious, stuck up and “superior” race…actually make them superior.

To make matters worse, from what she had heard and witnessed, every time the enemy was defeated, a newer, more powerful evil, emerged, and unlike certain foes Celestia had faced,

Ert: Uh, not really. The minions and Serpent-Terror weren’t any tougher than Titan. Hell, Titan was the only time the Grand Ruler’s direct intervention was needed.

these demons would not be reasoned with and would only continue to destroy and cause havoc.

Goeth: Yes, Celestia has a history of reasoning with villains. Look at all zero times she’s done it.

Ert: Mykan, did you watch the show? Or could you not get past the theme song before you saw red and shit posting?

“You will find peace one day.” she said “I know you will.”

“Begging your pardon…” asked Lightning “But what makes you so sure…?”

Nora: Aren’t you the guy who is yammering on about “believing” all the time?

Ert: Also, the fact that you had thousands of years of piece you argumentative little shit. Geez, this story is taking a weird turn. Like Mykan suddenly decided to inject right-wing politics in about how soldiers are the most noble people ever and that everyone else is below them, and how a country’s measure is by how big their military is.

Celestia was quiet for a moment, and then explained that if there was one thing Celesto had taught her it was to never lose hope. “Sometimes… believing is all we have, and that is what I admire in him.”

Goeth: You’re drifting there a bit Celestia.

Nora: Yeah, you didn’t really establish who “Him” was.

She spoke as if her feelings were still true and strong. It was becoming clear that she was still in love with Celesto, but was it right to still be after all this time? No one could tell.

Ert: And no one (who matters) cares either.

Suddenly, they heard the sound of unicorns screaming and running in panic. The gang raced round the corner and saw them, Dementia, Rep-Stallion, and Mysterious. “Did you miss us…?” Rep-Stallion teased.

Ert: Like I said before. Mykan thinks that if you just say “Suddenly” you can throw anything in. I’m waiting for him to say “suddenly” and have a naked clown on top of the Empire State Building doing the can-can

Lightning and Starla expressions hardened. “You three…!” snapped Celestia.

“Hey…!” snapped Dementia “What’s she doing here? I thought she was locked up back in Nightmarica?”

Nora: Yeah well…you suck. I mean seriously, have you ever done anything right? You’re incompetent and exist to make someone as stupid as Lightning look good by comparison.

“It makes no difference.” hissed Mysterious “Even she has no idea of what she’s up against now.”

Goeth: No one does, because it’s an interd-imensonal cloud of vagueness

That’s when they began to demonstrate what their friend Nightmare had given to them- they began to make duplicates of themselves! “They’re multiplying!” cried Krysta.

Ert: Wow. This would be tense if it wasn’t for the fact that I know that they second people do this, they suddenly become much easier to defeat.

Nora: Writer’s don’t have the guts to have an army that’s actually worth salt fighting their heroes.

First there were two of each, then four, then eight. Soon, there were enough copies to cover the entire block, but it was easy to tell who the originals were as all the copies seemed to be darker in color.

Ert: Darker than the color of-you never specified what color they were, so this doesn’t really mean anything.

The alarms sounded and everyone ran for the nearest shelter as the shields went off.

Goeth: Interesting tactics for a warrior race. Run and hide.

“Take a good look at us now, Unicorns!” hissed Mysterious. “We have an entire army at our backs. You don’t stand a chance this time.”

Nora: Oh just shut up and lose already. You’re embarrassing yourself.

Ert: It feels so routine by this point.

Lightning stood, ready for a big fight and suggested that Starla and Krysta take the Princess somewhere safe. “Grand Ruler would never forgive us if anything happened to her.” he said.

Goeth: Why do they care about the Grand Ruler’s sex life?

Ert: Hate. Hate everything.

“No…!” Celestia said as she stepped forward. “I’m not going anywhere! These creatures helped Night Mare enslave my kingdom. I cannot sit by and do nothing about this.” She was a princess, and she knew a thing or two about warfare and fighting, especially when honor and pride were involved. “I will fight with you. Don’t try and stop me! Understand?”

Nora: I feel like this is trying to do something or built it up. It’s so underwhelming that I can’t really tell what that is though.

The others were reluctant to agree, and the minions and their army thought this was their lucky day. “We get to destroy our enemies and Night Mare’s most hated enemy too…” said Dementia “Night Mare will be very pleased.”

Ert: Why do you care what she thinks? Are you partners or servants?

Goeth: Yes.

In Grand Ruler’s palace, one of the guards rushed in to warn him, “Sire… a battle is about to take place. It’s Titan’s minions, and the princess is down there too!”

Grand Ruler looked worried “Celestia?” he cried “What is she thinking?” He already knew she didn’t stand a chance against Titan minions the last time. He just had to go down there. “Stand watch!” he said to all his guards. Then he was off.

As he soared through the air he kept on telling himself over and over “I will not let anything happen to her! Never…!”’

Ert: Except all those times that you let something happen to her. Because you were in another dimension. For thousands of years. You suck.

Outside the kingdom, in Dimensional Space, Discord was now hovering directly over Unicornicopia and chuckling sinisterly. He was ready to begin his attack! “Sorry, Unicorns… your time is up!”

Nora: No one here is capable of speaking in anything other that horribly cliched lines.

Ert: *Sigh* Four more to go. Four more to go.

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41 Comments on “1451: My Little Unicorn: Magic is Believing (That still means nothing) Chapter 23”

  1. Delta XIII says:

    Goeth: Nothing quite like boring formalities. It’s why Crunch and I greet each other with the blood of our victims.

    I once met a species who greeted each other with roundhouse kicks.

    Weirdly, that’s also how they reproduced.

  2. Delta XIII says:

    Then they jumped through and were gone, heading back to Equestria, or rather Nightmarica as it was now known.

    *groans loudly*
    I am not nearly drunk enough for this shit.

  3. Delta XIII says:

    Nora: Ok, Goeth, we need you to have a look at the time fluctuations. They toured an entire country in half an hour.

    Ert: Maybe his Kingdom is the size of a postage stamp.

    Goeth: We’ll see what the readings say…the scanner just punched me in the face

    So, I did some readings of my own, and my scouter tried to stab my eyes out.
    I don’t think we’ll be solving this any time soon.

  4. Delta XIII says:

    Ert: Like I said before. Mykan thinks that if you just say “Suddenly” you can throw anything in. I’m waiting for him to say “suddenly” and have a naked clown on top of the Empire State Building doing the can-can

    Oh for-!
    Damnit, Ert, I just managed to purge that memory!

  5. AdmiralSakai says:

    Reunited and Trusting

    When You’re Strange must be getting to me- at first I read that as “Reunited and Thrusting”…

  6. AdmiralSakai says:

    The shadowy image of whatever Discord was now extended his large wings and claws. “I am…” he said deeply. “The unicorns will finally be no more, as per your desire, my master. At daybreak, I attack!”

    Ert: Right. Discord. Someone did something about this.

    (By beats0me)

    Nora: Also he dies. Sorry for the spoiler, but I’m pretty sure not a single one of you cares about this story being spoiled. Neither do we, it was a spoiler for us too.

    Also, Discord has gone from having some of the best lines and voice acting in MLP:FiM to talking like every single other one-dimensional Mykanian villain.

  7. AdmiralSakai says:

    Cookie Dough had been summoned to the castle and was busy preparing a meal under The Grand Ruler’s orders. The princesses were bound to be famished after being locked up for some time and after their inter-dimensional journey.

    Goeth: Mainly because his main cook was turned into an un-person for questioning the will of the ruler.

    That, or the previous head cook is now one of Cookie Dough’s ingredients.

  8. AdmiralSakai says:

    The princesses were bound to be famished after being locked up for some time and after their inter-dimensional journey.

    Wait, they’re coming here directly after defeating Litemare Moon*? Don’t they have, you know, the rebuilding of an empire to supervise?

    *Since she’s a weaksauce knockoff of the origina.

  9. AdmiralSakai says:

    The royal fanfare sounded again, and the throne began to slowly spin round, and there he was

    Why am I picturing Darkwing Duck?

  10. AdmiralSakai says:

    The only hope to defeat Night Mare was joining and combine forces.

    They’re going to field an army of asari biotics and Civil Protection?

  11. AdmiralSakai says:

    However, it decided that Celestia would remain in Unicornicopia for the while. The main concern was to get the elements and free Twilight and friends

    You mean that thing you could have done last chapter, but didn’t for no reason at all?

  12. AdmiralSakai says:

    The unicorns didn’t know how to think,

    Fixed it for you.

  13. AdmiralSakai says:

    As night passed in Unicornicopia, Grand Ruler hadn’t been able to sleep very well. He was standing out on the terrace looking over his kingdom below. His heart was all torn up and his mind was going off in many directions. It was wonderful having Celestia back in his life, but would it last? What would happen from here on out?

    That’s he noticed Celestia

    Nora: SKIP!

    The night had passed, and Grand Ruler made his flight to bring the dawn in

    They banged.

    The end.

  14. AdmiralSakai says:

    “Princess Luna…” said Celestia “You are charged with these unicorns’ safety. Make sure that nothing serious happens to them.”

    That should be pretty simple. This is MLUMiB, after all- nothing serious ever happens.

  15. SuperFeatherYoshi says:

    “How great for us.
    They can’t see us.” said Rhymey.

    *Snerk*
    Oh great, not only is his rhyming annoying, it’s also terrible. I mean, rhyming a word with itself? This is something I’d expect from Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared!

    BTW, the finale was pretty good, very disturbing and extremely confusing, but pretty good nonetheless.

  16. BatJamags says:

    Goeth: Freud, Freud, Freud, Freud, Freud, Freud, Freud, Freud, Freud, Freud, Freud, Freud.

    Jung?

    GoodJamags: Nah. Jung knew how stories work. He wouldn’t be anywhere near Mykan’s crap.

  17. BatJamags says:

    and the throne began to slowly spin round, and there he was.

    Grand Ruler: *Stroking white cat* I’ve been expecting you, Mr. Bo- Wait, you’re not James Bond! What is this?!

  18. BatJamags says:

    The cape she had made him that he was wearing softly fluttered, just like her long and beautiful mane and tail. “Um… Greetings… Celestia.” he finally said.

    *Snarls*

    STOP. STUTTERING.

    • BatJamags says:

      Ert: Nailed it! Never act like an emotionally stable and well adjusted person!

      Well, I mean, he is Mykan’s self-insert.

  19. BatJamags says:

    Nora: I think there would’ve been a few things that would’ve gotten her heart rate going in the thousands of years between now and his disappearance.

    *Pulls up YouTube*

    GoodJamags: *Points tranquilizer rifle* Post the Tucker clip again. I dare you.

    *Closes YouTube*

    GoodJamags: Good boy.

  20. BatJamags says:

    A single tear rolled down Grand Ruler’s cheek, “I have missed you so much.” he whispered to her.

    Learn to spell, Mykan. It’s a Single Tear of Trajedy™.

  21. BatJamags says:

    It was already at absurd cartoon levels with the entire populace being enslaved in 24 hours. Even for a modern army moving at full speed across a small country that’d be impossible to pull off.

    Kane: Not with that attitude.

    SUPERCILIOUS THE SORCERER!: I CONCUR!

    Kane: Suddenly, I feel much less confident in my worldview.

  22. BatJamags says:

    “Look!” cried Luna. The fortress was just up ahead. “Let’s go…” Artie said calmly “Nice and easy.” That’s what they thought, but someone was indeed aware of their intrusion!

    She didn’t say that her shadow-mane-whatever-thing would hide their voices, so now all of the guards have just heard these morons shouting.

  23. BatJamags says:

    Goeth: Ah, so the Grand Ruler didn’t create a functioning ecosystem nor a genetically diverse pool. It’s even gone on record that 90% of the population is male. This is why you don’t play god. Not because of any foolish moral quandaries, most people are just bad at it.

    Nah, it’s just that the genetically impure unicorns are kept where they can’t be seen from a regular tour.

    No idea about the other animals though, or how the unicorns are able to feed themselves. I mean, they could all be vegetarians, I suppose.

    • BatJamags says:

      Oh, wait, I’ve got it! I know how they keep the population in check, why they don’t have so much as livestock for food, and what they do with the genetically inferior groups!

      Cookie Dough.

  24. CrunchyRaptor says:

    Goeth: Nothing quite like boring formalities. It’s why Crunch and I greet each other with the blood of our victims.

    In water balloons, no less. We like to keep things whimsical and fun.

  25. TacoMagic says:

    Suddenly, they heard the sound of unicorns screaming and running in panic.

    The warrior race, ladies and gentlemen.

  26. TacoMagic says:

    She spoke as if her feelings were still true and strong.

    They weren’t, of course. She’s just waiting for the right moment to get out her shiv.

  27. "Lyle" says:

    Nora: This totally adds a lot! Just like it does every time George R.R. Martin describes someone eating!

    George’s got nothing on Jacques.


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