1437: My Little Unicorn: Magic is Believing (That still means nothing) Chapter 20 part 2 & Chapter 21Posted: June 7, 2016
Ert: Starting to regret my decision with reviewing this story.
Nora: You say that about every story we review.
Ert: THIS IS A STRESSFUL JOB!
Goeth: Come along now, no complaining. The faster we get this done the faster you can…do whatever it is you do.
By sundown, everyone headed to Canterlot, for the ball was ready to begin.
Ert: So it’s sundown and they’re just now HEADING TO THE CITY WHERE IT’S TAKING PLACE! I’m honestly starting to wonder if Mykan has ever been out of the city/town that he was born it, because he seems to be struggling with the fact that travel takes some time.
Nora: Either that or he thinks Equestria and his generic fantasy land are both the size of Rhode Island.
Twilight and friends were there, all looking like winged unicorns, much to other’s confusion, even Princess Celestia.
Nora: I’m sure this will add a lot to the story and won’t be forced or contrived in anyway shape or form!
When Twilight explained, the princess wasn’t very keen on them humoring Fluttershy with a joke,
Ert: Wow, it’s almost like you thinking Rhymey is Fluttershy, that Fluttershy randomly changed genders (Or is Rhymey supposed to be just that effeminate? That on its on isn’t funny, but taken in context with Mykan saying FIM didn’t appeal to boys and that his story is totally better, and it becomes HILARIOUS) and playing dress up because it “humors” her somehow is really fucking stupid.
but felt Twilight would learn something from this,
Goeth: Possibly what the limits of everyone’s patience were.
Nora: Ah, I see. Mykan is trying to stereotype Twilight as someone who is obsessed with learning. Heh. It’s sad. The show itself did a better job stereotyping her in “Lesson Zero” than Mykan could ever do.
Ert: I hated that episode…
so they decided to let them all go with it. After all, the Gala was usually pretty boring.
Ert:…Uh. Mykan? You DID watch the episode where they go to the GGG right? Shit got crazy. Really freaking crazy.
Rhymey was standing up on the roof, in the outfit that Rarity gave to him.
Goeth: Considering it isn’t his property and he’s military personnel (I assume the armor isn’t for show) from a foreign country, couldn’t this be considered a declaration of war? Archers!
It was almost dark and he would have to leave soon,
Nora: Flying in the dark. Yeah, he’s not stupid or anything.
when he really should had left last night the moment he found the stone. He couldn’t get his mind of Fluttershy though, he never felt like this before towards anyone.
Goeth: Hold on, let by give my prognosis…hm…that is called “an erection” Rhymey.
Ert: Yeah, when you get down to it this is the problem with people who so often write love at first sight. It comes off as them wanting to fuck, because they’re attracted to each other physically, not emotionally.
Suddenly, he could see her far, far below in the castle ground she was there in a beautiful green, leafy-like gown, but staring up at the roof and she seemed to be talking to herself for she was nervously and shy.
Nora: I feel like suddenly is a word that’s going through a lot of abuse recently. People seem to act like if they just say it, they can throw in anything they want and it won’t be a jagged or awkward transition.
Ert: It’s honestly why, in the realm of bad fan fiction, I consider screaming SUDDENLY to be a joke mocking this concept. Like this. SUDDENLY!
(Two-headed Rhino with dragon wings begins to stampede through the station)
Goeth: *Dials cellphone* Hey Crunchy? I found it. It’s got the collar and everything.
“What do I do…?” she cried “Rhymey’s up there expecting me… oh!” She had to think fast, or else Rhymey would be gone soon and she wouldn’t be able to dance with him even if she wanted, but she just didn’t find the courage, but then one of the bunnies began to motion behind her. “What is it…?” she asked.
Ert: Normally I’d scream about how Fluttershy is being too cowardly, but then I remembered that Mykan is bashing her so I’ll instead say that Fluttershy isn’t being cowardly enough. That’s the best you can do Mykan? Make her afraid to talk to her crush? She was afraid of her own shadow in the show. This is weak sauce son. Weak sauce. Goeth, prescribe treatment!
Goeth: Two doses of the following each day.
Ert: Take the helmet off.
Then she heard someone clear their throat. It was Rhymey. She got down flat on the floor and whimpered while covering her eyes, “Oh, Rhymey… I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to keep waiting… I’m sorry I’m sorry…!”
Nora: Apparently Rhymey can teleport. She looked at a rabbit behind her and all of a sudden he’s right in front of her. Either this is a never before seen ability he pulled out of his ass with the rainbow stone…or something far more sinister.
Goeth: Someone call the SCP Foundation. They deal with stuff like this (and things FAR worse) on a daily basis. Hell, they’ve got all the equipment they need in order to completely repopulate the human race, culture intact. And they’ve used it twice.
Ert: (Seriously, if you like creepy stuff, check out the SCP Foundation website.)
Rhymey thought it was rather cute the way she acted shy,
Ert: What an original statement Mykan. Fluttershy is cute. I don’t think ANYONE ever made THAT brilliant observation before.
Nora: Just the entire fanbase.
but when the music began to play, and they both heard it, Rhymey gracefully helped her up, and they started dancing. Fluttershy never felt so nervous in her life but, she slowly began to feel less timid.
Goeth: And then romantic scene happened.
“I told you I would save a dance for you,
You dance very wonderfully too.”
Ert: You know, Mykan actually did insult Fluttershy in one of the most demeaning ways possible. Making her fall in love with this twat.
Nora: And ironically that’s something that’s completely lost on him, because he’s apparently obsessed with Rhymey.
Fluttershy didn’t know whether to feel flattered or embarrassed, yet here she was, dancing with a colt,
Ert: If it’s a colt you should be feeling creepy because you’re not a pedophile.
Nora: Another excellent insult that’s lost on Mykan’s twisted little brain.
and she was very good at standing and moving on her hind legs too.
Goeth: Even though she has never done it before, because that’s how muscles work.
Rhymey almost wished they had balls like this back home,
Nora: This is why we tend to call it the Grand Galloping GALA and not a ball.
but they didn’t have as many because of the evil that always showed up to ruin everything.
Ert: Titan was a very recent development and before then nothing bad had happened for thousands of years. Don’t be a whiny brat Rhymey, just because you say you have it bad, doesn’t mean you actually have it bad.
Being a warrior was not always easy
Nora: Just most of the time. It helps that your enemies are quite underwhelming and, as far as you know, are all defeated.
… but still… for the first time in long time, he felt warm and soft as Fluttershy felt to him.
Goeth: This man, sorry, boy is acting like he just came home from the trenches of the first World War.
Ert: Pretentious, ain’t it?
As the song ended, Fluttershy actually curtsied to Rhymey and he bowed to her and tenderly kissed her hoof again. The other animals applauded for them both.
Nora: Quite an accomplishment, seeing how none of them posses any hands.
“That was wonderful.” said Fluttershy.
Rhymey agreed with her…
Ert: I guess writing that was easier than writing, “Yes,” Rhymey said.
“But now I must fly.
Fluttershy… this is goodbye.”
Goeth: And I can never come back because poorly explained reasons.
A sad expression appeared on Fluttershy’s face, but she knew this was the right thing to do. “I… I want to give you something.” she said “Something… you know… like a gift.”
“A gift for me…?
What is it? Please hurry!
Ert: Uuuuuuuuuuugh. You ever see a rhyme that technically works but you still wanted to punch the speaker in the face? Well that’s half of Rhymey’s dialogue, but this one is a particularly bad example.
Nora: Also he’s a cheater because he had an odd number of sentences.
Fluttershy searched through her gown, and realized she had left it the coach which she came in.
Ert:…so Fluttershy has been dancing in her birthday suit this entire time. That isn’t a big deal for sentient animals, but still…
Goeth: Mykan probably meant something else. We don’t care. No, scratch that. We care more than he ever could. That’s why his work is on this website.
She decided to run and get and meet him on the roof of the castle. Then she dashed off.
Nora: You know, Rhymey keeps saying how he needs leave soon, yet keeps delaying. It’s almost like he could leave whenever he wanted and Mykan is just saying he needs to leave soon. You know. For drama.
Ert: Oh let me guess, Twilight is going to run into Rhymey the exact second Fluttershy leaves
No sooner had she gone, did Twilight and friends, who hadn’t seen her, approached Rhymey wearing odd getups like his, and Twilight used a cover up spell to make them all look like winged unicorns, even spike, although the was only in a costume
Ert: I MUST BE PSYCHIC!
Nora: And Mykan once again struggles with the English language in that last sentence. I guess he was trying to say that Twilight actually gave everyone else wings (Even though the only time a non-pegasus or alicorn got wings it didn’t end well) but it’s his job to tell the reader. It isn’t the reader’s job to decode his gibberish.
“What do you think, Fluttershy…? I mean, Rhymey.” Twilight asked teasingly, but Rhymey looked at them all feeling insulted again.
Goeth: How cute. Rhymey feels insulted while Mykan treats his readers like children. Particularly dense children.
“What is with all you folk?
Is this some trick or a silly joke?”
Ert: Don’t look at me, I didn’t write this drek. Also, I wouldn’t talk if I were you Rhymey. I could say the exact same thing about your entire existence.
The others just chuckled. “Nah… it’s just our way of saying we want to be like you now. So we’re all unicopians… or whatever it is you are.” laughed Spike
Nora: I don’t even get it. Is this supposed to be funny? If so, it isn’t. Is it supposed to show everyone else as being stupid as part as Mykan’s bashing? If so, he’s doing a lousy job of conveying that. It’s just a waste of time.
Rainbow came soaring and dashing across overhead. “Woo…!” she cried when she touched down, “And we figured we’d all come to this magical dream world of yours.” she said.
Goeth: They’re wording this in a very odd manner. ‘We don’t believe you, but take us to this magical world. We totally aren’t actually going there, but do it anyway.”
Ert: We need a word for when people act OOC for the sake of advancing the plot.
Pinkie kept bouncing with excitement, almost forgetting that this was supposedly a joke. “I’m so excited, I can’t wait to go!”
Ert: IT IS A JOKE YOU DAFT TWAT MYKAN! To them it is! STOP SAYING SUPPOSEDLY EVERY FIVE SECONDS!
(Wishy Washy Narration Counter: 11)
“Do be a lady… uh… I mean gentlemen.” said Rarity “When is our departure time?”
“Yeah, we gonna go or what?” added Applejack, but Rhymey had officially had enough of their mocking him and said almost sternly…
Nora: Oh man, he’s getting serious. He’s ALMOST stern.
(Wishy Washy Narration Counter: 12)
Ert: Look. I can understand authors who put in things like “Slightly” and “barely” to describe actions. It works if you do it sparingly, and if you really are trying to get across the point that the action is supposed to be subtle. Mykan just seems to describe everything with pointless modifiers, like his work is somehow better if he injects as many as he can.
“I’m opening the portal in just a minute,
But when I do… you won’t be in it! Huh!”
Goeth: And now he’s leaving Fluttershy behind. Charming fellow.
“Oh, how come…?” the others all asked in a teasing manner.
As Rhymey flapped his wings and headed to the roof, he explained…
“First: You’re just too many a-crowd,
And second: Only winged unicorns allowed!”
Ert: There we go! I was told that the Grand Ruler was incredibly racist, nice to see some confirmation of that little rumor.
Nora: Also an inter-dimensional portal that has a carrying capacity of less than a dozen. Underwhelming.
The others just watched him fly up to the roof, but were still laughing at him, and exchanged funny sayings.
Ert: I absolutely love little moments like this. It shows just how little Mykan cares.
“Watch out…!” cried Fluttershy as she came dashing through.
“Hey, Fluttershy?” asked Spike
“Sorry! Can’t talk now…” she called back as she headed to the roof. That’s when the others stopped laughing, “Wait a minute…!” said Spike “If that was Fluttershy just now… who was that up there?”
Nora: So that little sub-plot of them mistaking Rhymey for Fluttershy ended up going nowhere. To nobody’s surprise.
Goeth: Well look on the bright side. I was able to spend the time recalibrating the base’s defenses. The plasma cannon is online and I’ve added some point laser defenses. Not powerful enough to destroy any invaders, but able to take down any incoming projectiles.
Pinkie gasped “There must really be a Rhymey!”
The others all gasped, and Applejack remembered what Fluttershy had told her, “Crumblin’ crackers! Ya don’t reckon she’s really goin’ with him?”
Ert: Wait, what did she say? I don’t recall her saying anything that could connect with her going with him.
“We’ve got to get up there!” cried Spike “Twilight, quick!”
“All right!” cried Twilight “Everyone ready…? Here we go!” and she used her magic to teleport everyone to the roof of the castle quickly just in time a bright tube of light came down from the skies. They didn’t see clearly, but assumed Fluttershy was inside it. “Fluttershy!” cried Rainbow.
Nora: Notice that they didn’t actually see Fluttershy inside of it. So she clearly isn’t inside of it.
Ert: I would just like to point out that the grand finale to finding the rainbow stones was Rhymey going to find it, finding it, and getting into stupid bullshit. This guy clearly rips off shows like Digimon and Power Rangers, and those shows tend to have season long quests for the things they’re hunting down. Christ, Digimon had a subplot early on about the main characters getting new powers, and the last and greatest one was only unlocked an episode or two before the grand finale! Also it was very OP PLZ NERF!
“Don’t go…!” shouted Pinkie, but the tube of light already began to rise up into the sky. Pinkie burst into tears. The others felt depressed. She was telling the truth all the time, and no one believed her.
“Pinkie Pie, don’t cry.” called a voice.
“FLUTTERSHY…!” everyone cried. “Ye-Ha!” cried Applejack.
Goeth: So that’s apparently what passed for drama in this chapter. Everyone thinking that Fluttershy might have left them for thirty seconds. If even.
Pinkie pie still didn’t stop crying, but at least she was happier now. Fluttershy forgave everyone for not believing her. She had fun that night anyway, and Rhymey even gave her a golden quill as a token of their new friendship, and she gave him one of her spare butterfly clips too.
The others were all happy for her, and they all just kept watching the sky until the beam of light was totally gone.
Ert: Mykan: “Meh, I’m bored. I’m just going to make it so that everything turned out and happy shit happened or something.”
Rhymey returned to Unicornicopia with the yellow stone in hand and joined it with the green half to make a whole Rainbow Stone again. Grand Ruler was very proud of him, and pleased that he had learned so much, made a new friend. The others couldn’t wait to hear his story.
Nora: What story? The one that could be summarized in sixty seconds?
Ert: I get the feeling that really is Mykan’s vision of an epic tale.
“It really is a lovely tale…” but then he noticed,
“Your majesty, you look a little pale!”
Goeth: Ah yes. For some reasons stories like this love to keep coming back to their romance. Regardless of the quality of said romance.
Nora: Have we mentioned that we’re pretty sure Mykan has a crush on Celestia? As in he basically openly admitted to having one?
The Grand Ruler, indeed, smiled sadly, “I will be fine. If you will excuse me.” he said and then he headed off. Rhymey was confused, but Krysta and Lightning knew what was up with Grand Ruler…
Ert: And he can’t tell anyone else because…raisins.
Ert: He’s got a hundred different raisins why he can’t tell.
Grand Ruler had gone to his private sanctuary and sat down sadly while gazing at the statue of Princess Celestia. At least he knew she was alive.
Nora: Uh. You were concerned that she wasn’t alive? This means you were concerned that Nightmare Moon took over Equestrian. You said that you wanted to keep darkness out of other dimensions during the whole Titan business.
Ert: Yeah. Yeah he did. So did he just think that Nightmare Moon took over, or might have taken over, and did NOTHING to stop it? This guy…this fucking guy…
Back in Equestria, Fluttershy was busy repeating her story about Rhymey, to a lot of the ponies and creatures who asked, and when Celesetia had heard the part about Rhymey’s ruler being an Alicorn with three golden horns and golden wings, she hadn’t been seen for the rest of the night.
Ert: Uh, one second…yeah Rhymey never mentioned the Grand Ruler, nor was he ever summarized as mentioning the grand ruler. Also *BAM* THAT’S FOR MAKING ME READ YOUR SHITTY STORY TWICE!
Twilight demanded the guards tell her, and it was revealed that princess had spent most of the night in her bedroom, weeping, but exactly why, no one knew. This made Twilight and the others feel terrible, and they wished there was something they could do… when suddenly…
Ert: That does it. I’m adding suddenly to the wishy washy narration counter.
(Wishy Washy Narration Counter: 13)
Nora: Also Celesto keeps his composure while Celestia cries openly. Because uterus. *Cracks knuckles* Little shit.
The castle began to rumble and shake as the windows shattered and the chandlers fell from the ceiling. “What’s happening…?” cried Spike. Then suddenly, they all heard a scream coming from way up. “The princess…!” cried Twilight, and she and her friends all raced upstairs, but found the door to Celestia’s bed chamber knocked down, the guards were all unconscious, and the whole room was a mess with a huge hole smashed right through the wall…
Goeth: Force of evil doesn’t kill guards. Wimp. *Draws out scalpel* Well I’ve always wanted to see how an animal’s brain develop when it becomes sentient.
Some of the ponies fell in in heartbreak and shock, and Spike examined a small note on the princess’ bed. “We have your princess now. You will never see her again. Ha, ha, ha! Night Mare Moon and friends…!”
Ert: Rhymey that’s a terrible poem! Oh sorry, it just kind of comes out that way.
Nora: It’s bad enough that Mykan keeps putting …! in his narration, but the way he typed out that note means that Nightmare Moon actually wrote it out that way! I mean Jesus!
“Princess…!” peeped Twilight as she felt tears falling down her cheek and her anger building up… all she could do was let out a scream of woe!
Ert: Oh…How Could This Happen To Me, Crawling In My Skin, world’s smallest violin…Damn it I used up all my emo joes.
Goeth: Not this one!
Ert: You know I actually kind of feel bad for Shinji Ikari in a meta sense. The guy probably handles his situation better than most people his age would. It’s just that, from a narrative standpoint, it’s not very satisfying to watch someone descend into a spiral of depression with no way out. It’s bad writing because it commits the worse sin a writer can commit. It makes the audience apathetic. But I’m getting off topic. Next chapter.
Part 1: As Darkness Rises
Goeth: Ah. Mykan doesn’t seem to understand how parts work.
Ert: But he can actually spell them out this time…
Goeth: See, this chapter is part 1. Part 1 of what, may I ask? It isn’t part one of “as Darkness Rises” because it’s not brought up again in future chapters. It isn’t part 1 of My Little Unicorn, because this is chapter 21. *Chuckles* He fails to grasp the concept of something so basic.
Serpent-Tyrant knew that the only way to get the rainbow stones back now was to actually head to Unicornicopia himself,
Nora: Right, this guy exists. That’s about all I can say about him. Also, does he know that all the other stones were collected? If so, how, if not, why isn’t he looking for them?
Ert: Lazy writing.
and he had plans to do so, all he needed now was the right moment. So in the meantime he began to strengthen and train his serpent soldiers so they would ready for the invasion.
Goeth: Considering the last time Unicornocopia was threatened by outside invasion, I expect him to have…five soldiers.
Ert: He’ll be declaring victory in a week.
Once the unicorns were out of the way, nothing would stop him from achieving his goals.
Nora: His goals of very vague and non-existing nature. Take over the multi-verse I suppose. Because bad guys in lousy stories always want to take over everything. Not for resorces, not to prove their valor, they just kinda do. Because evil.
Unbeknownst to him, he was not the only one with sinister plots against the unicorns, and not just against them as well.
Ert: How the hell does that work!? Titan was an inter-dimensional conqueror (in theory) how did he slip under Serpent-Terror’s radar?
Princess Celesita awoke from being knocked out after she was pony-napped.
Ert:…Mykan. We don’t call it kidnapping because it only happens to children.
The last thing she remembered was crying in her bedroom during the ball, and the next, three strange creatures appeared and knocked her out cold with powerful magic.
Nora: Celestia is supposed to be a demigod like being in terms of MLP, but here she goes down without a fight. There wasn’t even the BS excuse Queen Chrysalis had about recently receiving a power up.
“Wake up sleeping princess.” hissed a familiar voice “No, you’re not dead, yet… just paralyzed.”
Goeth: How curious. She answered Celestia asking if she was dead before she actually said it.
“That… voice…” moaned Celestia. “It… can’t be!” but it was. She found herself in a hidden chamber, locked in a magical bubble with Night Mare Moon gazing at her form outside. “Sister…? Why…? This isn’t possible.”
Ert: I’d like to know how the hell you wake up inside a chamber and decided that it’s hidden. From the inside.
Nora: Also bubbles. Always seem to be a container that can hold anyone, no matter how powerful.
“Sister, Celestia!” cried a voice. Celestia turned to see Princess Luna trapped in another bubble beside her, for she too had been pony-napped earlier before the gala even started. “Big sister…! That is not I.”
Ert: Ok, credit where credit is due. Nightmare Moon being a separate entity from Luna isn’t a bad idea, and even the show did SOMETHING like that. Let’s see where Mykan fucks it up.
- Night Mare sniggered, “Only half correct, foal! I happen to be a better, stronger version of what we once were!”
Goeth: Even I’m getting a little disturbed by everyone being referred to as children.
Nora: It has a bad vibe to it.
Night Mare explained that when Twilight and her friends used the elements of harmony on her, what really happened was, Night Mare and Princess Luna were split into two, and the evil part headed into dimensional space with the intention of getting stronger, and then returning to Equestria for revenge!
Ert: And she got stronger by doing…thingie. And she suddenly learned about dimensional space via…place. Wow Mykan. Didn’t take you long, did it?
She no longer required being part of Princess Luna
Goeth: Clearly she never “required” being a part of her, seeing as how she was able to survive being separated from her.
Ert: I honestly wonder if Mykan knows the definitions of the words that he says.
and she no longer had plans to make an eternal night, but rather to destroy Equestria and then rebuild it into her own world and the rest of the ponies, pegasi, and unicorns would be conscripted into her army of slaves!
Nora: A military made up completely of slaves? I can see some problems with that. Even when slaves were used as soldiers, they were mainly used as front line cannon fodder. A whole army of slaves is asking for an armed rebellion
She wanted the two princesses alive for a good reason. She wanted Celestia alive to witness the downfall of everything she had loved and protected all those ages, and Luna… to show her what she could’ve had, but she chose friendship over evil and power.
Ert: Ah, ok then. So when are we going to get the good reason? Oh…that was the good reason. Well good reasonS. I guess Mykan struggles with plurals.
Celestia and Luna felt absolutely livid, but try as they did, they were unable to break free from Night Mare’s spell. Night Mare laughed at them, “Foals! Weren’t you listening to what I just said? I have become stronger now; your pathetic magic powers are no threat to me.”
Goeth: It seems that Mykan is falling back on power levels to act as drama. I look forward to his main character having just enough power to beat the antagonist at the last second.
The two princesses struggled to stand upright. Celestia tried to reason with Night Mare about friendship being real magic. “Silence!” snapped Night Mare. She stomped her hoof on the floor, and Celestia was shocked by magic currents. “Big sister!” cried Luna.
Nora: This feels like a political cartoon without the exaggerated drawings and semi-clever dialogue. It’s just the outline. “This is the way it should be!”
Celestia wasn’t hurt too badly.
Nora: Because attacks in this story are never allowed to do anything. Kind of ironic. Mykan wanted to make this appeal to boys and he did so by writing the wimpiest fights I’ve ever seen.
She glared angrily at Night Mare, “You won’t get away with this!” she assured her. “Oh, but I will…” said Night Mare “I don’t believe I have introduced you to my new… friends you might say.”
Goeth: Mykan is being flip floppy with words again. Nightmare Moon
Ert: Not fucking Night Mare.
Goeth: Called them her friends in the letter she left, and now she’s backpedalling and saying that you “could” call them her friends.
She summoned her friends to her side, which turned out to be three winged unicorns whom they had never seen before, but they could tell just by looking at them they were nothing to underestimate.
Nora: Titan’s minions are back. Because their return was just so unexpected. It’s not like it was drilled into our heads or anything.
“As for the two of you…” snickered Night Mare “Your hopes of being discovered and rescued are very slim. For this chamber is hidden in the very last place that anyone would dare to look.”
Ert: Is it at the bottom of my toilet? If not, I think you might want to rephrase that claim a little.
Then she turned and began to walk away, “Come my friends, we have a world to conquer.” Her sinister laugh echoed throughout the chamber as and her new friends left.
Goeth: Yes. Four people conquering an entire world. That sounds right.
Luna was very angry and continuously struggled to try and break free. “I will not… let… this… happen!” she growled, but she wasn’t able to break free, nor her sister. Celestia was very worried, not just for herself and her sister, but more for Equestria.
Nora: Four whole people sis! FOUR! If there were three of them we might have stood a chance, but there are FOUR!
Ert: I’d like to point out that conquest wasn’t a part of Nightmare Moon’s plans in FIM. Presumably for the reasons we have discussed.
Back in Unicornicopia, three rainbow stones had been obtained, and only one was left,
Ert: Wait, what? I could’ve sworn that they said that they had found the last one! Either Mykan forgot, or his story was so boring that I forgot! Either way, it reflects badly on him!
but The Grand Ruler had sent Lightning a letter saying that he was unable to locate it, but he would continue to search. “Stay strong, my student…and keep on believing.”
Nora: In what? Clearly not your searching skills because those are coming up rather hsort.
Ert: I guess we just need to remember the most important thing. Believing > Friendship and Mykan > FIM. Despite reality being more along the lines of Mykan < week old goat shit.
Lightning sighed heavily as he sipped his milkshake. It had been very boring lately;
Ert: This again? Mykan, every time you start complaining about it being boring, a new source of evil shows up. You’re turning into an utter sociopath. You’re just like your master.
Krysta had gone to visit her people in the Valley of Fairies. None of his friends needed much help with their jobs that day, and there hadn’t been a single monster attack since the fall of Titan’s minions. Of course that meant all was well and safe.
Nora: I love how that last line is worded. It’s like Lightning is complaining that there’s no monsters to fight, and then at the last second added “Uh, but of course that’s a good thing.”
He decided maybe to just go for a walk, but as he grabbed his milkshake and turned to head off, he ran right into Starla and they both ended up spilling their milkshakes all over each other.
Ert: This happen often Lightning?
Nora: I want to hit you right now.
Ert: I kinda deserve it.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” They both said at the same time. “No, I’m sorry.” they did it again. Then they paused and tried to wait, but they ended up saying “I’ll buy you another one.” At the same time too.
Goeth: Just have intercourse already.
They shared a soft giggle, and both paid for two extra milkshakes, and they both went for a walk together.
Nora: Walk = fucking
Ert: Now I want to hit you.
Nora: I guess we’re even then.
“So…” Lightning said.
“So, what…?” asked Starla.
Lightning tried to be as careful as he could, “How are things at the observatory?”
Ert: OH MY GOD I AM SKIPPING THIS! Starla thinks the stars are trying to warn her that bad shit will be happening (Somehow) and apparently she foresaw Titan coming back so this is something that’s supposed to inspire fear, but Lightning measures her and blah blah blah. Also Lightning says “bang” and then there’s an explosion. Hur.
Smoke was coming from the direction of Greenland. Nobody panicked as it was just Brain.
Goeth: I suppose he often tries to destroy his hometown.
He had been working on one of his newest and most desperate secret projects of them all for a while now, and every now and then a small explosion came from his house, but it was nothing to fret over. Just another one of his tests that he would remark…
“Unsatisfactory… Most unsatisfactory…!”
Nora: I would just like to remind everyone that we turned Brain into a dangerous person working with unstable materials, just so that there would be an explosion when Lightning said “bang.”
“That must be the twelfth time he’s done that.” groaned Lightning. Then he realized he was still holding Starla in his limbs. So did Starla… They both blushed madly, and he put her down gracefully and they both shared another giggle.
Ert: Aw, they’re so cute together. It’s a shame they have no real personalities so I am unable to feel anything towards their painfully forced romance.
Lightning’s mind was racing in circles.
Goeth: Oh it always does that. *Kicks it* Just smack it and it’ll go back to it’s native state.
Ert: Doing nothing
If Krysta were there she’d be nagging at him to ask Starla to be his mare-friend, but was this the right time to ask her? “Um… Starla…” he suddenly found himself asked.
Ert: Ok now I’m confused. If Mykan is going with all of the colt/filly thing than shouldn’t it be filly-friend? Because now I’m concerned he’s been doing the whole colt/filly thing on purpose.
Nora: Also, skipping this too. They’re about to kiss when God gets angry and sends an earthquake. Or something.
Something told them this wasn’t Brain’s doing as the ground continued to rumble and quake “What’s happening?” cried Starla.
“I don’t know, but I don’t like it!” said Lightning.
Ert: Lighting assumes people give a shit about his opinion.
That’s when Serpent-Tyrant’s serpent soldiers burst through the ground armed with axes, swords, maces, and shields. The alarms went off at once as more soldiers burst from the ground and all the unicorns began to run for the nearest shelter.
Goeth: Apparently he teleported them into this dimension underground. Isn’t that a little unsafe when there was no pre-dug tunnels? Or did
Ert: Oh God damn it, the name changed again. Fuck it, we’ve gotten used to called it Serpent-Terror, we’re sticking with it.
“How did they get in here?” asked Starla.
Nora: Magic. That’s probably the explanation Mykan’s going to give.
Lightning didn’t know, but he was ready to show them out for running their moment!
Ert: Oh man, he’s getting serious! He’s going to “Show them out.” Ugh. You know how kids shows in the 90s did really stupid things? Like never being allowed to say die? Mykan somehow managed to find a way to make stuff like that even more awkward.
Goeth: Weird, considering Steven Universe got away with having someone saying “This plan sucks.”
Ert: I have no idea how Steven Universe gets away with the stuff it does. This is without going into all of the blatant gayness that goes on in that show.
Ert: I love it. Anyway, point is that Mykan seems to be twenty years behind the curve.
“Let’s get them!” and they began to brawl!
Nora: This is about as much description as the fight gets. Not surprisingly really.
Buddy Rose and Artie came running round the bend, and they were surprised! “Serpent Soldiers…?”
“In the kingdom…?”
Ert: I don’t know why you’re surprised. You snatched something ST wanted and then ran back here. He’s clearly a dimension hopper Did you think he would just sit around and do nothing?
Goeth: Considering their collectively low IQ, that is a possibility.
They soon joined the fight along with others, who were good at fighting, but things got way worse as Serpent Tyrant entered the city from a portal in the skies. “Look out!” cried Lightning. Everyone scattered before they were crushed.
Serpent-Tyrant roared loudly…!
Nora: As opposed to roaring softly.
Ert: Ok, so far his plans have been to send troops to a random field to (I think) get their asses beat. A four star general this guy is not.
Grand Ruler could feel the tremors even in his floating castle.
Goeth: Do I have to bring up how that makes no sense on multiple levels?
He knew this meant trouble so severe that he would have to investigate himself. So he headed off leaving his guards to stand watch over the palace.
Ert: The whole point of his castle being a floating one was so that he could WATCH FROM ABOVE!? So was that a load of horse shit Mykan?
Lightning and friends gazed sharply at Serpent. “How did you get here?” snarled Lightning. “And why are you here.”
Nora: Magic portals and rainbow stone. Seriously Lighting, did you need it spelled out?
Serpent didn’t answer at first and merely gazed around. “So… this is the realm that my son had failed to conquer is it?” he sniggered “Very insulting…!”
Nora: Oh god he’s not…he can’t be THAT thick.
Goeth: Oh he most certainly is.
The gang was confused. “Son…?” The only person they knew who ever tried to attack their kingdom before was Titan and his minions, and since the minions were created by Titan himself, but that only meant,
“Are you…? Could you possibly be…?” asked Lightning.
“Yes…!” hissed Serpent “I am what remains of Titan’s father. Titan was my son.” And he began to explain it all…
Ert:…No. No. I refuse. I just…no. This is beyond fucking stupid. Ok…it turns out that Serpent-Terror got in on the kicking Titan in the balls parade, and when Titan had his cosmic destroying temper tantrum, he turned into a snake to survive via a potion. That’s it. It adds nothing. It’s the M. Night Shyamalan mindset of thinking that a twist somehow adds to a story, regardless if it’s interesting or relevant.
“This wretched, disgusting form you now see me as. How I despise it!” growled Serpent. “But there was still hope for me.”
Goeth: Then make another potion. Or are you that incompetant?
His forehead began to glow. “What’s that…?” asked Buddy Rose.
“Look…!” cried Artie.
There, on Serpent’s forehead was the fourth and final rainbow stone with the colors blue and indigo. “So, he had it all this time?” asked Starla.
Ert: How the shit did none of you morons realize that!? You’ve run into him twice, THE FIRST TIME BEING EQUIPPED WITH A SPELL TO TRACK RAINBOW STONES, and you didn’t notice? Show of hands, who thinks Mykan just didn’t think of this until recently? Because it fits in like something that was shoved in at the last second.
Serpent explained that after his escape from the Dimension of Darkness, and from his son’s wrath! He found the rainbow stone which, like the gang, enabled him to increase his powers and become larger and stronger to his own desire. He never felt such power before, and returned to challenge his son for destroying their home world and killing all their people, but even with the power of the stone and all that he had gained from it, Titan was still far too much for Serpent to handle… and he was turned to stone at the hands of his son, and remained so for over one thousand years.
Ert: Oh gee. That doesn’t sound familiar at all.
Ert: Yes, MLP never had a villain that had spent a thousand years in stone.
“When all of you destroyed my son, you also destroyed the curse that had long since kept me contained!”
Nora: Except Titan is still alive. So how is this spell supposed to work?
Ert: It’s bullshit too, seeing as how Serpent-Terror attacked Krysta’s village before Titan’s second defeat. Same with the elf dimenson.
The gang was freaked out by all of this. “And you’ve been searching for the rainbow stones, so you could gain more power and become unstoppable.” snapped Lightning, but to Serpent shook his head, “No.”
Ert: Oh goodie, what is it then?
“Titan may be gone, but the Dimension of Evil is in ruin. The only thing I truly seek is to restore myself to my original state, and bring back my home world to its former glory, then revive every last one of my people who suffered the wrath of Titan. The rainbow stones, combined with my magic will make all that possible.”
Nora:…His goal is to undo the damage Titan did and reverse genocide? Uh. Mykan. That’s a NOBLE goal. Just because you call it the dimension of evil, that doesn’t mean we automatically hate everything that lived there.
Ert: We’ve yet to even hear about what they did that was so bad. And it’s not like Lightning and his friends know. They didn’t even know that it used to be the Dimension of Evil until recently.
The others understood it all now and there was no way they could let him do that. If he restored the Dimension of Darkness t its former glory, he’d revive every last evil being that ever lived there, and if that happened… the entire Dimensional Universe would be at great risk form so many demons and monsters and who knew how much worse? They wouldn’t stand a chance.
Nora: Yeah, the entire dimension that was…single handily defeated by Titan. Whom you defeated. Uh. I think you could handle it.
“You’ll never do that!” shouted Lightning “Evil never triumphs!”
Goeth: Minus all the times that Titan successfully conquered other dimensions.
Serpent laughed, “We shall see…” and with a loud roar, he began to dash forth making a trail of destruction through the road and the sidewalks. The gang flew straight up to dodge him.
Ert: So how big is this guy? We never really got a solid answer to that…and that doesn’t look like it’s going to change soon. Great.
“We have to get him out of the city!” cried Starla “Who knows how much destruction he could cause.
Nora: Yeah, he might lightly bruise some people!
“Follow me…!” cried Artie and the others began to fly after him and Serpent began to give chase, tearing up the roads and destroying many trees and unshielded obstacles in his way. Along the way, Rhymey and the twins joined up with the gang.
Goeth: The goal is to not cause destruction. Artie fails to prevent destruction.
Ert: He can fly can’t he? Keep going up and make him follow you. This is Man of Steel all over again.
Serpent stopped in the open fields. “So, you’re all together now?” he hissed.
Nora: That depends, do Cookie Dough and Abra not count anymore?
“Makes it all the more easier for me to get rid of you in one easy swoop. Then the rainbow stones you have shall belong to me.”
Goeth: Yes, the stones they most likely don’t have on them.
The gang all landed and Lightning stood at the head of the team. “You should’ve quit while you were ahead.” he snarled “Now we’ll show you just how strong and powerful we are. Ready guys?”
The others all stood ready, weapons and all.
Ert: Weapons? Artie, Buddy and Rhymey were the only ones who ever used weapons, and they had to materialize them.
Meanwhile, in Equestria…
The evil Night Mare Moon and her new friends wasted no time using their magic to blow up and destroy the kingdom.
Ert:…So everyone is dead. Because they blew up the kingdom. IE, they nuked it. *Sigh* Mykan…I have no words.
Houses were on fire, towers were toppled over, and ponies running in panic. Why, even Rarity’s salon was crushed. “Oh… my…! The horrors!” she cried as she nearly fainted in sadness.
Nora: Damn it Mykan.
(Wishy Washy Narration Counter: 14)
Twilight and her friends were still safe, but were unable to find Princess Celestia or Luna, and felt helpless to stop these demons.
Ert: The minions couldn’t beat fucking Lightning Dawn. I refuse to believe they could sack an entire kingdom. OVERNIGHT!
Soon, they were confronted by Night Mare herself and Titan’s minions. They tried their very best but nothing seemed to work on them. “If only we had the Elements of Harmony.” cried Pinkie Pie, but there was no way they could get to them without Celestia’s help. They were hopelessly cornered
Nora: Yeah, they would still fight without the elements, but now I’m letting logic get in the way of Mykan’s hate boner.
Rep-Stallion gazed at Fluttershy and how scared she seemed. He couldn’t resist it and let out a simple little “Boo.” As expected, Fluttershy screamed in a cry of horror and she ran to hide behind all her friends, trembling like a frightened mouse.
Ert: Well that was pointless.
The minions really hoped to show off their new power learned,
Ert: WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN!? Christ, just keep throwing power ups at this guys like it matters, we all know that it doesn’t.
but Night Mare wouldn’t let them. “Now, now…! Let’s not be too hasty.” she said “After all… they will make fine slaves.”
“Slaves…? Us…?” cried Spike.
“In your dreams, Night Mare!” snarled Twilight “We won’t ever bow down to you!”
Night Mare simply sniggered “You foal! The choice is not yours…!” her eyes began to glow and Twilight felt herself being lifted up high. “Whoa…!” she cried.
“TWILIGHT…!” the others shouted.
Twilight tried as hard as she could, “It’s no use… she’s too strong… I can’t break free!” Night Mare had mastered psychokinetic abilities
Ert: OK! THAT DOES IT! I need to stop here for the sake of my own sanity.
Goeth: That’s a real word you know
Ert: HE’S USING IT WRONG! Everyone agrees to be Nightmare Moon’s slaves, she enslaves the entire country, she rename’s it a mash up of Nightmare and America because Mykan sniffs paint fumes. And a fairy that’s there because plot goes to warn Krysta. The end. Psychokinetic. FUCKING CHRIST!