1436: Tensei II – Chapter Three

Title:  Tensei II
Author:  The KittyCorn Nation (two author-conglomerate known as Monochrome Lynx and Seven Silver)
Media: Anime/Manga
Topic:  Naruto
Genre:  Adventure / Friendship
URL:  Chapter Three
Critiqued by Lyle Koori and Hekai

*Koori peeks her head into Lyle’s office, glances around, then slips in*

Koori:  Good morning, everyone.  *looks around again*  Uhm.  I honestly don’t know where Miss Lyle is today, which is worrisome since I’m supposed to be really good at gathering information and this is making me look horribly incompetent.  *fidgets and chews on her bottom lip*  I’d go looking for her some more but, according to my contact, I’m supposed to take her place in the riffing chamber should something like this happen.  But don’t worry too much, patrons; my host-clan, the Batá no Ninja, are out searching diligently for her.  And Lina said as soon as the morning rush ends, she’ll dispatch a couple baristas to aid in the search and rescue efforts.

In the meantime, I’m just going to take over here.  Shouldn’t be too hard, right?  I’ve done this before, although never on my own.  Let’s see here…

*sits down in Lyle’s chair and flips through some notecards*

Last time, we discovered that Alice was a better writer than Echinoderm, although she still needs some work.  Her character was reborn as part of the branch family of the Nara clan that the author made up.  But that’s okay, because she made a joke about it that Lyle liked.  Alice was from a happy family and well loved.  She does have some weird defect dealing with chakra that wasn’t very clear but it sounds like she absorbs it from around her but can’t produce it herself.  I think.  Uhm.  Anyway, we ended last chapter with her having some sort of panic attack, even though she was three, or five.  That part wasn’t clear, either.

*taps her cards on the desk for a moment*

Right.  Let’s continue with the story itself!

Fiery Flower of Steel: Two

*groans*  Great.  We’re back with Twajek Sue.

Hit by Bricks

That sounds promising, though.

I walked through the market, a hood hung up to my head suspiciously.

I… what?  I’m sorry, but can you at least try to English properly?

Looking up at the sky, I see a faint figure of a bird flying past, and I knew all too well who it was.

*smacks Empanada with a giant fan*  Tense, baka!

I sprinted to the nearest desolate place, finding myself in a forest deep within a clearing. I stop when I know I’m alone, and whistle loudly, the high pitched noise echoing through the empty forest.

Now I can truly see why Lyle hates this writer versus Alice.  She’s switched tenses four times in as many sentences and has no concept of… anything, really.  I get the feeling she’s failing most of her academic classes.  You will not get an echo in the woods.  The trees do not allow adequate space for the sound wave to bounce back at you.  And have you ever met a 3-year-old that knows how to whistle?  Recall, if you would, patrons, that Eggplant is a toddler.

“Hoo hoo hoo!” I extend an arm out, and from the sky, lands an orange at the palm of my hand.

*cringes*  Dearest spirits, please haunt her continually until she learns to English.

I extend my other arm for Kyokan to land on, and from out of nowhere she lands, my arm turning its metallic luster.

Out of nowhere?  You just saw her in the air.  Right.  There.  *points*

I pocket the orange, and stroke Kyokan’s soft feathers gently.

Getting your greasy, unclean hands all over that beautiful creature.  Heathen.

“Good girl.” I coo, still rubbing its white feathers. Kyo gives an owlish purr.

Hm.  I shall attempt to channel my inner Lyle.  Give me a second here.

*clears her throat*


Hekai:  Damn, sis.  I didn’t know you cared so much about birds.

Koori:  Oh, I was merely trying my best to imitate the type of outburst Miss Lyle would have at such a stupid sentence-  *stops suddenly and stares at the gangly, blond boy sitting next to her in her usual chair.  Although a couple years her junior, he towers over her by a good foot and is wearing the standard Konoha shinobi uniform*  Hekai, what are you doing here?

Hekai: Papa was worried; you haven’t called home in over a month.  He sent me to check up on you since he can’t leave the village at the moment.  Nice digs you’ve got here.

Koori:  Thank you, but this room belongs to Miss Lyle.  I’m merely filling in for her while she’s… indisposed.

Hekai:  *raises an eyebrow then looks at the computer screen*  So, how does this whole thing work?  I don’t have to be back with my report for another few days.  Can I help?

Koori:  I don’t suppose it would be a problem, so long as you’re aware you won’t get paid for this.  First I introduce you to the audience and then we make fun of what we’re reading.

Hekai:  Sounds simple enough.  Do it!

Koori:  Okay then.  Everyone, this is my adoptive brother Hekai.  His blood family comes from some distant part of the world but immigrated into the Land of Fire a few generations back, hence the Chinese name.

Hekai:  It was my great-great-grandfather’s name, I believe.

Koori:  Right.  Anyway, so Hekai was adopted into our family shortly after I was when his birth family disowned him for going against their wishes to, uh, marry me to form political ties with my birth family.  Thankfully, we became siblings instead of spouses.  Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get on with this riff.

I lower my hand to the ground, Kyokan jumping off to stand on the moist soil. I myself sit down, to Kyokan’s level, peeling my orange slowly. The owl started to crane its neck, turning her head in all directions, before suddenly bolting out into the sky, returning moments later with a small rabbit at its claws. She positioned herself beside me, and both of us ate happily under the forest’s shadows.

It was a fairly clear day, for this rainy village. It was cloudy, but hints of light blue could be seen underneath thick layers of cotton colored clouds.

Hekai:  A clear day filled with clouds?

Rays of sunlight shone through these clouds, seeping through.

Hekai:  Well, that’s rather redun-

Koori:  *slaps her hand over Hekai’s mouth and shakes her head warningly before staring at a speaker hanging from the ceiling.  It remains silent*  I’m guessing they’re still avoiding us after that latest installment of Celebrian.

Hekai:  *smacks Koori’s hand away*  I can tell there’s more going on here than meets the eye.  What was all that about?

Koori:  You obviously weren’t paying attention when I came home and told you what I’m doing here so I’m not going to tell you now.  Just know not to mention that word unless you want a fight.

Hekai:  *frowns*  I was too listening.  But I had a mission report I was working on and got a little distracted when Sakura wanted to go over our notes on the Fujiwara case study and then there was that emergency at the hospital I had to attend to and-

Koori:  You’re as bad as Father with your excuses.

Hekai:  I’m a medic!  Hospital emergencies are legit!

Chirps of birds were the only sound in the desolate forest.

Koori:  If there is life, it is not desolate.

I loved it here.

Koori:  It reminds me of my empty and bleak existence and adds to my emo street credentials.

Hekai:  You have a backlog of this story or something?  I feel lost.

Koori:  *presses a few buttons on the desk and the printer spits out the entire riff to that point*

Hekai:  Awesome.  You go ahead, I’ll just catch up and join in when I’m done.  *sticks his feet up on the desk and settles down to read*

Away from the loud voices of people, away from the bustling crowds of the village, and away from the jeering laughs of children as they played.

Koori:  Jeering laughter of playing children?  What in the world are they playing?  Hunger Games?

Hekai:  This says it’s a “Naruto” fic, not a “Hunger Games” fic.  *waves the backlog at Koori*

Koori: … Just keep reading.

It was so peaceful, silent, and serene. I now didn’t mind the fact the only company I would ever have is Kyokan, I was actually very satisfied with it, but I was missing something.

Koori:  It isn’t raining enough to set the mood?

There was an unfilled hole in my heart that wanted to be filled. A missing piece of the puzzle, and without it, I couldn’t be complete. I was like a painting that had a blank space on the corner waiting to be painted with any color, but no one ever knew what to do with it.

Koori:  You don’t just fill the corner of a painting with any old color.



It was just there, in need of something. Perhaps a splat of color? More grass? Some flowers? I didn’t know what this feeling was, the growing feeling of longing, that would one day pull me into the void if it wasn’t satisfied. It seemed almost impossible to satisfy.

Koori:  If you get any more vague, you’ll become the Formless Void yourself.  Stop it.

I sighed irritably, the feeling now weighed on my shoulders like an invisible brick, and my shoulders slumped tiredly. I stood up, finishing my meal, and by now, even Kyokan was finished, now staring at me, almost impatiently. But her large, soot-colored eyes were always so blank, it was hard to tell.

Hekai:  *without looking up from the backlog*  The thing she’s missing is protein, and if she doesn’t start getting some she’s going to be missing her hair soon as it falls out from malnutrition.  Has she eaten nothing but stolen oranges?

Koori:  Quite.

When I finally stood, her wings burst open, bolting up to the sky with great speed.

Koori:  Do I need to channel Miss Lyle again?

Hekai:  Is that the crazy-eye stuff you were doing earlier?

Koori:  Yes.

Hekai:  Whatever floats your boat, sis.  Let me just cover my ears first.  *clamps his hands over his ears*


Hekai:  *uncovers his ears*  Feel better?

Koori:  I guess.  Berating the authors over animal-fact stupidity isn’t really my thing.  I’m just doing my best to fill in.

Hekai:  Which would explain the swearing.  I don’t think I’ve heard you utter a bad word in the four years I’ve known you.  This Lyle must have quite the… vocabulary.

Koori:  And you would experience it first hand if she found you with your feet on her desk.

Hekai:  Well, it’s a good thing you misplaced her, then.  *shifts his feet around a bit and resettles to finish reading*

Koori:  *glares at him*

I ran back into the village, keeping a watchful eye up above. What was I doing you ask? Everything and anything is what. Even if it was just sprinting around the village, or stealing even more oranges, I was up for anything. By now, running was like second nature, long distances, sprinting, you name it. The constant feeling of getting chased always pushed me to my limits, and even though I was small, I ran like the wind.

Koori:  You’re.  Three.


I was five now, or at least, my made up birthday said so. I could have been born on any month, but I was fond of the month April, and the number nineteen. I made it my birthday- and well, actually, in my previous life, I was born on April 19. I just chose to keep it.

Koori:  I feel like I should employ Carlos at this point.


Hekai:  Holy crap, you guys are violent!  Is that a cattle prod?

Koori:  Yes.  As Miss Lyle would point out here, Edgy McWhinyPants just said the reason she picked April 19th for her arbitrary birthday was due to a fondness for the month and the day, and then went on to say that the reason she picked it was because it was her old birthday, instead.

Though, strolling around the town, I came to realize that there was indeed a school in the corner of an unexplored part of the rain. It was fascinating to see children my age learn about completely different things from what used to learn. Well for starters, when I was standing on a tree’s branch watching one of the classes with older students, I… saw something I couldn’t believe.

Hekai:  She saw that people ate more than oranges for every meal?  Seriously, how is she still alive if all she’s eaten for two years are stolen oranges?

Two identical students standing beside each other.

Hekai:  She’s never seen twins before?

Koori:  She has the brain of a slightly tepid glass of water.  It wouldn’t surprise me that twins would be beyond her comprehension.

And after a few seconds, the other student just suddenly disappeared. I looked around for signs of shocked reactions, or just really, any reaction. Even the teacher, just stared at him with the same gaze, unchanging. He even nodded at the student, and the boy took his seat. I rubbed my eyes in disbelief. Was I imagining things? Maybe I was seeing double. I mean, in my previous life, I wore glasses, so maybe I needed glasses in this life too.

Koori:  I’ve seen Miss Lyle without her glasses on before when she demonstrated to me exactly how blind she is without them.  From what I gathered, if you need glasses, you don’t have to question that fact.  It’s pretty obvious.  Needing glasses and not having them doesn’t make you see things that aren’t there, it makes everything a giant fuzz of vague colors and shapes.

Hekai:  She’s eaten nothing but oranges for two years; she’s experiencing hallucinations from her body eating her brain to survive, not from being nearsighted.

The teacher called out someone’s name, and now a girl stood up, walking to the front confidently. I stared at the scene, eyes never blinking. I watched as the girl put her hands together, and suddenly, in a puff of smoke, was another student identical the girl. My jaw slacked,and, leaning back, I blanched, almost falling from the tree.

I watched as other student came up to the front of the class, clasping their hands together, and making another copy of themselves. There was this wave of deja vu that overcame me each time they went in front of the classroom. I’ve seen this before. Where have I seen this before?

Suddenly, I remembered. Deep in my mind was a corner of unopened boxes from my previous world, and digging into it came my realization.

Hekai:  *glancing up from the papers*  This claims she has full recognition of her previous life and memories. Why are these memories only now surfacing?

Koori:  Plot.

This village I grew up in was called Rain! As in Amegakure, Village Hidden under the Rain! This was no ordinary school, it was a school where little children were taught to be ninja, soldiers of war at their young age, trained to kill and assassinate. And this place is not Japan. I was in a completely different universe.

*Koori and Hekai both reach for the cattle prod at the same time*

Hekai:  Aw, c’mon!  Let the new guy do it!

Koori:   Very well.


Hekai: That was strangely satisfying!

Koori:  Do you want to tell the audience what was Carlos-worthy, or shall I?

Hekai:  *picks his discarded backlog up and makes an ‘after you’ motion with his hand*

Koori:  The total amount of things wrong warrant the chalkboard.  *wheels it out*

  1. Amegakura means “Village Hidden by Rain” not “Village Hidden under the Rain.”
  2. You never gave us any indication that you believed you lived in Japan, other than a horrible mangled attempt at creating Japanese names.
  3. You obviously have no idea what Amegakure looks like if you think there’s going to be forest and quant market stalls to steal oranges from.  Amegakure is an industrial complex town built above a giant lake.  THIS is Amegakure:

amegakure gate amegakure1 Amegakure2 Amegakure03 jirya pain-controls-rain-village1

Koori:  If you can find me a tree in Amegakure, I’ll eat my flak jacket!

I was literally born in Naruto.

Hekai:  Dude, Naruto doesn’t have a parasitic twin.  Is this girl for real?

Koori: Thank our ancestors that the next chapter will be Alice and we can be done with this idiot for a while.

Not only that, but I was born with a skill that many shinobi would kill to have. I had an indestructible metal shell (or at least indestructible to an extent) or goodness sakes! If people knew what I could do, I would be turned into a killing machine, or forced to join ANBU. I was extremely lucky to not have been born in Konoha, the center of all the shit that’s about to happen. In fact, the timeline could just stay as it is for all I care! But the truth was, I felt that Konoha would have treated me better than Ame did.

Hekai:  Whoa, there, turbo.  What the hell is she going on about?

Koori:  I think she’s making a huge and glaringly stupid assumption about what point in history she’s been born into.  Just because you find out you’re in our universe doesn’t mean you know the when of it.  You don’t have any way to know if Pain has already destroyed Konoho or if the Sandaime is still alive.  Maybe Hekai and I haven’t even been born yet.  Maybe we’re dead of old age or enemy attack.  How do you know your WHEN?  You don’t.  Excrement is a moron.

I jumped down the tree, having enough of the sight. The students were seated, and the teacher began his lecture. It was normal class from then on.

Hekai:  I do recall that it rained near-constantly the last time I was in Amegakure.  Why are they holding class outside?

Kyo let out a small screech, swooping down to perch herself on my shoulder. We walked across streets, through the bustling crowds and buildings. I sighed at the loud chatter and resounding footsteps, pounding down the ground like rain crashing down on lakes. I didn’t really have a good reputation around these parts. The second they see me, they see a thief.

Strange that a village full of Rain Ninja would be incapable of capturing a 5 year old with no training.

Koori:  MISS LYLE!  Where have you been?!

Hekai:  …And how did she get in here without two ninja noticing?!  *immediately drops his feet from the desk*

I have something many ninja do not; I’m the Head Librarian.  *shoos Koori from her chair and plops down*  Good job covering for me.

Koori: Where were you?!

I was at work.  I do have a day job, you know, and I was covering someone’s vacation.

Koori:  … And you didn’t think to tell anyone?

I knew you had this.  Hekai, relocate to Lina’s chair.  Koori won’t sit in it and I don’t want her hovering over me.

Koori:  *harumphs while they play musical chairs and get resettled*

Now, let’s get on with this.

But it’s not like I had a choice. I didn’t. I needed to survive, and stealing was the only way I could achieve that. But nobody understood.

I’m sure they understand that you steal because you can’t afford to buy anything.  It’s not that they don’t understand; it’s that they also have families to feed and bills to pay and you stealing from them is robbing their own children of food.  Stop being so self-pitying, grow a backbone, and shut up.

While all these people had a home and families, I did not. I didn’t have a bed to rest my head on, I didn’t have a roof over my head, I didn’t have food provided for me, and no one to take care of me. I was an orphan, on the streets with no money.

If you hadn’t run from the orphanage, you would have all those things, Ebloa-shit-stain.  Seriously, you complain more than my cat when she can see the bottom of her food dish.

Hekai:  *to Koori*  Wow, I see where you’re gaining your potty mouth.

And I liked it that way.

Fuck you.  If you like it that way then STOP FUCKING COMPLAINING!   Holy shit, you’re annoying.

I kept walking aimlessly. Sighing at the few glares I received from the people I stole fruit from.

Soggy fruit as being sold outside in Amegakure.  Yum.

Ever since that orange incident with the silver skin thingy, I relied on Kyokan to steal my food for me so I don’t have to physically be there when I steal things, but walking around with Kyokan gave the message that I was the one who told her to steal it.

And really, who was gonna ignore a girl with a bird on her shoulder?

You’re in a fucking ninja village.  That kind of shit happens all the fucking time!

Koori:  *pulls out a scroll and releases the seal to reveal a steaming pot of tea and three mugs*  It’s green today.

Wonderful!  *grabs a mug as soon as Koori serves it*

I hadn’t been one of politics, but the government here was just awful, taking note that this was a world of war and fighting, the fact that this village is led by one man, without council or any other leader, is very unnerving. And just plain stupid. What type of government was that? It was like the people here were happy to have a dictator, someone who could potentially be the new and improved Hitler, with chakra, strong powers and everything.

So… Donald Trump is the leader of Amegakure?

Koori:  More likely she’s talking about Pain, which at least gives us an approximate time stamp for when this is happening.  Although most of Amegakure’s leaders have been horrible so who knows.

And there was also the problem of manipulation. What if someone guised as the Kage? Then what would happen? Chaos.

Yes, because henge jutsu is completely undetectable.


But that was just politics and my smart-ass self, so disregard my opinion- or take it seriously, it won’t matter.

You’re flakier than dandruff.

I wasn’t really focused on watching Naruto in my previous life, so I have yet to know the person leading this village, nor do I wish to. I just wanted to survive, make money, and live a peaceful life, possibly making friends on the way would be nice. It’s funny how uncontent I was with the responsibilities I had in my previous life, and now look at me! No responsibilities, no expectations, perfectly independent-but I was being treated like crap.

Hekai:  Can I kill her?  Please?  I won’t even charge anything.  It would be my pleasure to rid the world of this wet blanket.

You’re a medical ninja; isn’t your job to keep people alive?

Hekai:  I’m a ninja, first and foremost.  And I’d gladly get hit with malpractice if it means I can sever her chakra points and leave her for dead.

Remind me not to get on your bad side.

Haven’t I just emphasized the point so much? Well yeah, I was treated like crap if you haven’t already noticed.

Your audience is smarter than you.  Stop repeating yourself like we don’t understand what you’re saying.  And how about you show us instead of constantly bitching about it.  All it makes us feel is a low, boiling hatred of you.  If you’re trying to garner sympathy and you end up making everyone want you dead, you’re doing it wrong.

But then I thought of the opportunities.

The opportunity to die of starvation in a ditch sounds like the best option right now.  Pick that one.

Wouldn’t I get payed for becoming a ninja as well? Maybe it was something that I should consider. But I had to weigh in my options. What would I gain from being a ninja?

Koori:  Food, housing, job security.

Hekai:  Chicks dig ninja.

Koori:  That’s what you’re going with?  “Being a ninja will get you laid?”

Hekai:  Don’t make me list off the number of shinobi I’ve caught you sneaking through your bedroom window.  I’m sure Papa will just love that.

Koori:  *tinging pink*  Two!  It was only two!  And they weren’t at the same time!  And nothing happened.

Hekai:  Sure, if you say so.

Koori:  *punches Hekai in the arm with just enough chakra concentration to send him flying across the room into the wall*

Anyway, while Hekai peels himself out of the drywall, I’m going to skip the next part.  It’s just her weighing the pros and cons of becoming a ninja.  It’s all the usual stuff.  You get money and life skills as a ninja, but you can also die very young as a ninja.  Life expectancy for ninja, Koori?

Koori:  Dead before thirty, unless you’re a desk jockey, an academy instructor, or really, really good at being a ninja.

And most of the downsides included how I got into the Academy, how I would be treated, and really didn’t concern what would happen while I’m genin-well, the silver skin, which I now proceeded to call ginhada in an attempt to make this special ability sound cool. Ginhada literally meant silver skin, and I had the pleasure of naming it myself.

Oh, for fuck’s sake!  You can just put two English-to-Japanese words together and say they mean something in Japanese!  GAH!  You’re an insult to the culture and the language!  Ginhada means nothing in Japanese!  NOTHING!

I’m skipping over some more because this is getting me angry and I might be forced to punch someone into the wall Koori-Style myself soon.

Evangelical asks her owl what she should do and we get a brief look into the owl’s mind as it asks why the hell she’s being bothered with the human’s problems.  Seriously, I might have to have Koori go rescue Large Warship from the fic when this is over.  The bird has more sense than anyone else we’ve come across so far.

Anyway, Eat-at-Joe’s sees some graffiti while she’s making her decision and, since it says the word “shinobi” she takes it as a sign that she needs to be a ninja.

I really didn’t waste any time signing up the Academy. I went straight there after reaching my decision. I was five now, which meant I should already have been in school. The last thing I wanted was to be behind in class, and get picked on for my low grades. Kyokan left to fly in the skies, and I envied her ability to just take off whenever and wherever she wanted.

Hekai:  Five is about the right age to start, actually, if you’re academy trained.  Both Koori and I are non-traditionally trained, though.  *plops back into his chair, picking plaster from his long blond hair*  I started at four, taught by my brother on our lands.  While we could afford to ship me to Konoha to train, every hand was needed on the cabbage farms to weed and seed, so they home schooled me.  Koori was self-taught until twelve, then Papa filled in the blanks when he rescued her and brought her to Konoha.

Koori:  Usually the only kids at the academy are the ones that live in Konoha.  It’s the equivalent of one of your public schools; if you’re in the area, you’re welcome to attend.  If you’re out of the area, your training is usually up to whatever ninja is around you at the time – a family member or a local village ninja that is accepting apprentices.  Otherwise, you have to move to the city to attend the academy.  There’s many really good ninja out there that aren’t academy trained.

The walk there went slow. I only assumed it was around four already, and students were being dismissed to go home because of the crowded streets filled with parents holding children’s hands. I ignored them and made it to the registrations desk.

The woman behind the counter didn’t see me.

God, I hated being short.

“Excuse me.” I said quietly. The woman behind the counter looked at me in surprise, before asking, rather rudely:

“What do you want, brat?”

Wow, someone’s had a bad day.

“I was wondering if I could get registration form to join the Academy late in the year, my parents told me to go to the Academy, and then someone could get me my forms.” I said as a five year-old, trying my best to say it as cutely as any kid would. She merely rolled her eyes, handing me a form without question.

“Bring it back tomorrow. The list of materials you need is at the back, and school will start after the teachers evaluate your form.” she said, rather quickly, getting the point across like she didn’t want to talk to me. Though I was glad she was like that. She didn’t question where my parents were, and she so badly wanted me gone that the encounter was brief and there were no problems.

… At no time ever in my life has a school administrator treated me like garbage.  Typically, if you work at an elementary school (which is about the age of the kids at the academies) you like children.  Every single secretary I’ve ever met in the 12 years I was in lower education was perky and talked to children in that chirpy voice that says they want to be there.  Maybe my experiences were abnormal, though.

And that so happened to be the turning point of my life, because it was utter pandemonium after that.

And then she died and we all lived happily ever after.

Thank god the chapter is over.  We’re left with another stupid author’s note that I’m not going to bother with.  This thing has made me angry enough today without the crack she puts afterwards.

Join us next time as we hopefully don’t do another chapter of Tensei II.  This is the most recent update.  Four chapters and a prologue, and it has a single review.  So hopefully the authors will lose interest and I’ll never have to read about Emo Whiney McDumbdumb again.

Hekai:  Well, this has been both educational and painful.  I’m going back to Konoha to report that you’re doing just fine, sis.  But try to call more often, okay?

Koori:  *pecks Hekai on the cheek*  I’ll be home for a visit soon.

Hekai:  *grins and poofs from the room in a swirl of leaves*

So, you really didn’t know I was at work?  My schedule is posted on the wall of the Library’s lounge.

Koori:  … I didn’t think to look there.

Some ninja.

Koori:  In my defense, you’re never gone like this!

You have my phone number.  I keep my cell phone on me at work.  Why didn’t you text?

Koori:  It was an honest mistake- what’s that over there?!  *points at the wall and disappears in a poof of smoke the moment Lyle looks away*

Fucking ninja.



33 Comments on “1436: Tensei II – Chapter Three”

  1. GhostCat says:

    “Hoo hoo hoo!” I extend an arm out, and from the sky, lands an orange at the palm of my hand.

    Oranges grow mainly in tropical or subtropical areas, from what little description we’ve gotten of this area it is neither of those places.

  2. GhostCat says:

    She positioned herself beside me, and both of us ate happily under the forest’s shadows.

    This girl must have a strong stomach to be able to eat while watching an owl tear through a rabbit.

  3. SC says:

    Hit by Bricks

    *Book Specs adjusts his glasses proudly*

  4. GhostCat says:

    I had an indestructible metal shell (or at least indestructible to an extent) or goodness sakes!

    She thinks she’s indestructible just because she hit herself with a stick and it didn’t do anything? One data point does not a conclusion make.

    • SC says:

      And might I add, the WEAKEST jutsus in Naruto are still powerful enough to wipe the floor with a full-fleged Jōnin if applied correctly.

      The strongest ones can literally alter landscapes in their wrath.

      Get hit by Itachi’s Amaterasu sometime, see how you fare from that.

      • GhostCat says:

        Let’s see; “Amaterasu”…

        :flips through dictionary:

        “Sun Goddess”.

        I don’t know what that does, but it can’t be good.

      • "Lyle" says:

        Nothing Itachi does is good.

      • SC says:

        You know how hell is often depicted as a fiery pit?

        Yeah, it’s basically like that. Only the flames are pitch-black.

      • SC says:

        Oh, by the way, did you know that silver is the most thermal conductive metal in the known world?

        • GhostCat says:

          Anyone who has ever worn a real silver or gold ring and picked up a glass of ice water can tell that. Just the tiny point of contact between the ring and the glass is enough to make the entire ring go cold. It also feels really weird because you can feel it happening.

      • SC says:

        Yeah, so guess what unquenchable hell-flames do to little miss “I have an indestructible metal SHELL!” there.

  5. SC says:

    If you’re trying to garner sympathy and you end up making everyone want you dead, you’re doing it wrong.

    Or you’re Contacts.

    Contacts: Apparently, being an orphan raised by thieves only makes people MORE spiteful of my existence?

  6. GhostCat says:

    Ever since that orange incident with the silver skin thingy, I relied on Kyokan to steal my food for me so I don’t have to physically be there when I steal things, but walking around with Kyokan gave the message that I was the one who told her to steal it.

    That should make it really easy for you to be convicted of these random thefts, especially if you steal from the same people over and over again. It’s not like there’s an abundance of fruit-stealing owls in town.

    • SC says:

      Contacts: Amateur.

      What’s worse is that she’s stealing in a village full of NINJA. Hey, Contacts, someone is actually worse at their job than you, for once.

      Contacts: I don’t know if I should be happy or offended that I’m being used as a baseline for last place in thief competency.

  7. GhostCat says:

    You’re a medical ninja; isn’t your job to keep people alive?

    Based on my experience with medical ninja :points at Ishi: the “keeping people alive” thing isn’t a top priority.

  8. SC says:

    Hekai: I’m a medic! Hospital emergencies are legit!

    Doc: I can attest to that.

    • Ishi says:

      One’s colleague is correct; there is nothing of greater import than an emergency summons. Unless one’s spouse has previous plans that cannot be cancelled.

  9. GhostCat says:

    Ginhada literally meant silver skin, and I had the pleasure of naming it myself.


    Technically correct, the author even used the noun suffix of skin rather than the noun, but it sounds more like some kind of weird skin disorder rather than a cool super power.

  10. GhostCat says:

    “I was wondering if I could get registration form to join the Academy late in the year, my parents told me to go to the Academy, and then someone could get me my forms.” I said as a five year-old, trying my best to say it as cutely as any kid would. She merely rolled her eyes, handing me a form without question.

    The five-year-old is expected to fill out the school forms by herself?

  11. BatJamags says:

    Just because you find out you’re in our universe doesn’t mean you know the when of it.

    In fact, if Amegakure is so rural at this point, she’s probably at least a few decades earlier than she assumes she is, if not centuries or millenia.

    Unless Naruto-verse has some ridiculously quick building techniques, but from what I’ve seen in this riff (not the best source of information, granted), they’re not that advanced.

  12. BatJamags says:

    Seriously, I might have to have Koori go rescue Large Warship from the fic when this is over.

    Large Warship the Owl: Hoo!

    Wait, if you’re still in the fic, how are you here?

    Large Warship the Owl: Hoo.

    Ah, so you’re name is literally “Large Warship” in English, rather than just translating to it through mangled Japanese, thus making you a separate individual from fic-Kyokan?

    Large Warship the Owl: Hoo!

    What’s that, Lassie? It’s annoying when I repeat everything you just said so the reader can understand you?

    Large Warship the Owl: Hoo…

  13. Koori: If you get any more vague, you’ll become the Formless Void yourself. Stop it.

    Cain: We should probably put up some more countermeasures to keep Vagueness out. It likes to use our own Riffs against us.

  14. TacoMagic says:

    When I finally stood, her wings burst open, bolting up to the sky with great speed.

    *Watches the wings fly off*

    You are the worst bird.

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