1421: Legendary Adventurers, Futuristic Saviors – Chapter Twelve, Part Three

Title: Legendary Adventurers, Futuristic Saviors
Author: Stone-Man85
Media: Movie
Topic: Princess Mononoke
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Chapter 12
Critiqued by SC, Monocle, the King of Warlords, and Shaman Asa Catori

~SQUICK ALERT FOR THE EASILY GROSSED OUT: MEDICAL TALK AND A NASTY PICTURE LIE IN WAIT. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.~

~~~

So are you sure you’ll be okay, bro?

Asa: Loud, warmongering men with big swords? I’ve dealt with my fair share of them.

Yeah, but two in the same room?

Asa: You seem to be under the assumption that I’m incapable of handling myself.

Well, they’re two of a race of warmongering aliens, I would be worried.

???: And yet, you still invited me.

Only because I guess I like pitting archenemies against each other all of a sudden.

*Monocle enters the riffing chamber*

Monocle: I ARRIVE, PEASANTS! WHAT FOUL CREATURE IS IN NEED OF MY-?

???: I knew your death had come too easily, whelp.

Monocle: WHA-?! Y-! WORM!

O hai, King of Warlords!

O hai, King of Warlords!

Asa: …Suddenly, I may not feel so certain of my safety.

Monocle: FILTHY VERMIN!

*Monocle draws his sword and swings; the King draws the gigantic sword on his back and parries*

King: We meet again, upstart. And here, after being defeated by me once before, you still think yourself good enough to raise a blade – the Glorious Arnkall, no less – against me? Your own king? You have learned nothing. You are the greatest display of your own failure!

Monocle: SILENCE, CUR! YOU ARE NO KING OF MINE! I WOULD NEVER BOW TO THE LIKES OF POMPOUS, HONORLESS SCUM LIKE YOU! YOU MOCK ME, AND YET COULD NOT EVEN DEIGN TO FACE ME DIRECTLY! YOU SENT SHADOW AGENTS – THE DISGRACEFUL MUTTS THEY ARE – TO ASSASSINATE ME FROM WITHIN MY OWN RANKS! THAT YOU YET WIELD THREE OF THE GLORIOUS ARMS IS THE TRUEST FORM OF INSULT!

King: The Glorious Arms choose their own masters, boy, and by their strength of character. That Arnkall, Blade of the Renegade, chose you, is only more proof that you are no equal of mine, nor my superior – Gestjal, the Proud Glaive, chose me. Myiernak, the Great Blade of Champions, chose me. Mighty Rokoura, the Kingmaker itself, chose me. I have earned my honor through battle, through loss and gain, through victory and defeat! You were claimed by a weapon who seeks rebels, dissenters, enemies and betrayers, because you want what is not yours, and you would kill all who oppose you, subvert those not strong enough to stand against you, to get it! You do not choose allies, you arm yourself with enemies too weak to pose a threat! You are a jester, demanding honor from proud warriors who have no need to prove their worth to the likes of you! Face the light, boy – I am your king, and you are nothing to me!

Monocle: I AM DEAD AND REBORN! AN IMMORTAL RULER AMONGST MERE MEN! I AM A REVENANT OF THE BATTLEFIELD! ARNKALL CHOOSES NOT SIMPLY THOSE WHO REBEL, BUT THOSE WHO PERSEVERE, EVEN IN THE FACE OF DEFEAT AND DISGRACE! YOUR WEAPONS WOULD ABANDON YOU SHOULD YOUR KNEE EVER BEND, AND UPON MY ETERNAL BLOOD, I WILL SEE THAT DAY COME!

King: Then show me the strength of an immortal, if you think your supposed victory so assured! Show me your most fiery rage! Let us see if the little upstart should be named among my equals, or if he should retreat beneath my feet where he belongs!

Monocle: YOUR END IS NIGH, VERMIN!

King: ONLY WHEN MY BLADE FALLS, WHELP!

*Monocle and the King prepare to engage righteous battle, but Asa wedges his staff between them and pushes them apart*

Asa: I’m fairly certain he was drowned out during the shouting match, but our host was trying to say something.

Thank you, Asa. Jesus, do I need to muzzle you two? Sit the fuck down, and try to make some effort to refrain from murdering each other. I need to get this riff going.

So, uh, hello, and welcome back to Legendary Adventurers, Futuristic Saviors by Stone-Man85! I’m your host SC, and last time, I invited Contacts’ “evil” twin Aviators over to riff with me. Also, Alex and San continued buddying up, and I guess Stone-Man85 thinks we need to know about his character’s potty habits.

This week, if you didn’t notice from all the FUCKING SCREAMING, I’ve brought in the King of Warlords, the man who is effectively Monocle’s evil twin. Paulo must have seen it coming, because he put his foot down and told me flat-out that he had no intention of having his hearing ruined a third time. None of my other OCs wanted any part of the shitstorm, so I had no choice but to call in Asa, the only one who seemed okay with it. I think he regrets that, now.

*Asa returns to his seat, rubbing his ears painfully*

Now, provided these two can keep from killing each other, we’re gonna go ahead and get this riff started.

A faint sound of crunching leaves suddenly pricked her ears. She sat up and looked about the small camp.

Asa: Could you not have warned us that we would be starting back with San, because she’s not named here? I had to think about who it was we were focusing on.

Sorry about that. I forgot that’s where I decided to pick the narrative back up.

Alex? she asked, he eyes darting from one corner of the area to another?

Well shit, if you’re not sure, why should we trust that San’s actually doing that and not just fucking tap dancing?

Monocle: OR PERHAPS BATHING IN THE BLOOD OF HER FOES, AS I WOULD SO DEARLY LOVE TO RIGHT NOW.

King: Ever the subtle one, aren’t you, whelp?

Monocle: I AM A WARRIOR, WORM! I NEED NOT BE INDIRECT WITH MY WORDS, LIKE YOU!

King: Oh, nobody was questioning that. And by that logic of spitting upon the values of subterfuge, you also need not employ any shred of stratagem or guile in your endeavors – how well did that serve you, again? Oh, yes, I was able to debunk your pathetic attempt at a coup with the careful insertion of my own agents among your trusted ranks.

Monocle: THUS PROVING HOW UNWORTHY OF THE THRONE YOU TRULY ARE!

King: Your mind truly does exist within a singular dimension, doesn’t it?

Would you two fucking can it, already? I’m trying to riff, here!

Asa: If necessary, I do have more of that knockout powder. It can be procured within a moment’s notice.

King: Save your tricks, Shaman. I’ve no intention of forcing your hand, it would only serve to besmirch the honor of our host.

…My honor would be besmirched? What, because you’d be misbehaving on my turf or something? Shit, that’s never stopped anybody before.

King: Whatever imagery the whelp had conjured of our people in your mind, let it be known that we are, in fact, a cultured, civilized race.

Even though you’re locked in eternal war?

King: Hardly. Once my enemies learned just how secure my place upon the throne was, the war dwindled to a standstill, and eventually, peace was had. Mind you, that hasn’t stopped small, inconsequential skirmishes between Clans from breaking out, but at least our sons have a fair chance at life, now. Under the whelp’s rule, we would surely have gone extinct as a people.

*Monocle scoffs*

Isaac, having heard the sounds as well, sniffed at the air. His eyes suddenly narrowed and he began to growl. “That’s not Alex’s scent,” Isaac growled, the fur on his back standing on end.

But is it Chris’ blood?

Asa: Pardon?

Uh, nothing, nevermind. Bad joke.

San too sniffed the air, and knew the fox-squirrel was right. Whatever it was that was out there it definitely was not Alex. When she sniffed again, she realized that it wasn’t even a human.

Asa: Has it occurred to them yet that they might be picking up Alex’s excrement?

Should we tell them?

Asa: I feel it’s best to let fate take its course, here.

And there was more than just one. Sensing the danger, the young wolf-girl sprung to her feet and twisted around, looking frantically for whatever may be watching her.

Shit, guys, I think she’s on to us.

Monocle: SLAY HER LIKE THE WRETCH SHE IS!

King: Ah yes, the barbarian solution. Easy, but counterproductive to the mission of observation. I might instead suggest rendering her unconscious and using the time until she wakes to relocate somewhere properly out of her senses’ range.

Asa: Did neither of you realize that he was joking?

One thing those two have in common, my sense of humor flies right the fuck over their heads.

That was when the sounds started up again. This time it was coming from all directions, including from high above in the trees. The sounds grew louder with every passing second.

Did Shades hijack one of Bifocals’ missile droids and send it after Sannabe?

[No, but now that you’ve given me the idea… -Shades]

[You may not. -Bifocals]

[Bugger. -Shades]

When San heard Isaac’s growling and barking become more intense, she glanced down at him and saw that he was looking at something at the far end of the camp. Lifting her head slowly, the young wolf-girl looked to the shadows that lay beyond the light created by the fire and saw what it was that had the little fox-squirrel so agitated.

Monocle: IT WAS MEEE!

King: Lies. Laughable, baseless lies. I would sooner believe it to be that thief who is incapable of doing the one thing he should be proficient in.

[Oh my FUCKING GOD! -Contacts]

Staring back at her was a pair of blood red eyes, poking through the dark bleakness of the night like two fiery embers. Another pair suddenly appeared, then another, and another. Within a matter of seconds, the entire camp was surrounded by a wall of the glowing red eyes.

Oh, this old trope? The ominous pairs of red eyes appearing one by one in the uncharacteristically pitch-black shadows of an otherwise dimly lit area? What is this, an episode of Scooby Doo? Ruh-roh, Raggy! Rot revelopment!

Asa: What… was that?

That’s how Scooby talks, alright?

Monocle: THESE HUMANS AND THEIR STRANGE TALKING ANIMALS AND THEIR TROPES AND THEIR BAD STORYTELLING…

King: It truly makes one wonder how their species functions.

The sight made San’s hair to stand on end like the fur of a cat.

But she’s a wolf, remember?

Asa: Could have fooled me, what with how human she looks.

“You!” she growled, reaching for her dagger. It was only then that she realized that she had lost her dagger during the her unsuccessful bout with the damned Eboshi-woman.

King: Ha! Fool woman, you never loosen your grip on your weapon in battle!

She kinda got disarmed in single combat and then shitstomped almost to death by an angry mob.

King: Oh, how tragic for her. See how I weep for her inability to maintain her grip to the bitter end.

*Monocle stares, dumbfounded, at the King*

King: What, did I not say it before, whelp? I have earned my place upon the throne, on and off the battlefield.

Personally, I’m more shocked you know what women are. Monocle sure doesn’t.

King: As far as the whelp’s generation of our race knows, women have never existed. I, however, have lived for countless centuries, and can recall a time where the King of Warlords’ throne would often be contested by the Battle-Queen when the reigning King fell.

…Your race can live for centuries?

King: I am not surprised the whelp failed to inform you of this. As far as he knows, to survive for longer than a week, maybe, is in itself a miracle. This is related to why our race no longer has women – once the women of our race drove themselves to extinction due to constant, endless warring among their Clans, the men who remained started to follow suit, taken over by a blind rage because they realized they could no longer bear sons, and therefore their legacies were doomed. It was only by the unprecedented and, to this day, inexplicable development of our ability to singularly reproduce through bloodshed, that our race even still lives to this day.

Asa: What caused the endless battle that nearly annihilated your kind?

King: The first King of Warlords, who reigned when I was a boy. In those days, the ones who took the throne were simply known as the Warrior King. The title changed when the madman decreed that our people must battle for their right to live, using the excuse that any who stood idle were disgraces and deserved nothing but to starve to death quietly, where nobody else would be forced to hear them. The truth of the matter was that he was simply bored because he took the throne in a time of peace. He was not unlike the whelp, if you think about it.

Oh, so THAT’S why Monocle had so many enemies!

King: Something of that sort, yes. He was responsible for rekindling the flames of endless war when I took the throne – his ploy to throw off the balance of our social structure enough to have an easy attempt at my life. Unfortunately for him, I had just brought peace back to our people, and it was long enough for them to realize that another war would surely be the end of us all, so the only real fighting was the majority against the whelp, and what few followers he had amassed.

*Monocle’s eye twitches as he slowly takes in the reality of the events that led to his First Death*

Wow. So, then, Monocle sucks at his job worse than Conta-?

Monocle: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!

*Monocle prepares to unleash the wrath of Arnkall upon everybody and everything*

King: I wondered how long this could possibly go without bloodshed.

*The King readies Rokoura and Gestjal for retaliation*

Asa: Oh dear…

Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa shit shit shit-!

[Well, sounds like I’m needed. Let me just put this here… -Book Specs]

-And we’re ABSOLUTELY SURE that knockout powder is going to keep Monocle under wraps until this is over?

Asa: Combined with the utter brutality visited upon him by that Book Specs character? Let’s just say, I have faith.

[*Whistles whilst cleaning blood and skull fragments off his staff* -Book Specs]

King: If it does fail, I can anyways provide an alternative solution.

Yeah, no, that alternative solution fucked up my ENTIRE riffing chamber, we’re not going there again.

Asa: I used every ounce of the stuff I had. In the unlikely event that he does wake up, he’ll be plenty weakened by drowsiness, or a concussion like no other, whichever, that I’ll be able to command his soul to sleep with little difficulty.

You say that, but this is Monocle we’re talking about. When he gets pissed, he can take on the entire Specs and Co., including Specs, and win. And he never wins against Specs.

Asa: His will may be powerful, but it’s not unbreakable. All I need to do is channel Miss Shades, and he should become quite agreeable – if it comes to that, mind.

Oh, you’re a sneaky little bastard!

Asa: So I’ve been told.

Okay, uh, Monocle’s out of commission, folks. Let’s say he had a sudden migraine and… needed to lay down for a little bit. Sucks, right? Anyhow, back to the riff, and don’t ask why my rifle is trained on Monocle’s head.

Before she could think of an alternative means of defense, a heavy stone smacked against the back of her head, knocking her senseless and sending her sprawling to the ground.

Gee, that sounds like something I just saw happen!

Asa: In fact, we may have played a hand in that very incident.

King: Perhaps a blade or two, as well.

A Few Minutes Later

After accomplishing what he had wandered out here to do,

Tenses, motherfucker! TENSES! MIND THEM!

Alex gave off a loud sigh of relief as he walked back towards the camp. ‘Free and easy,‘ he thought to himself with a wide smile and buried his hands in his pockets. ‘Just the way I like it.

King: Is the boy talking about his bathroom habits?

Yes, God damn it.

*SC smacks a buzzer*

Shit Nobody Cares About: 20

He stopped for a moment and looked up at the starry sky that gleamed through a small gap in the forest’s thick canopy. As he looked up at the tiny little dots of light that decorated the black blanket of the heavens, he couldn’t help but let his mind wander.

Careful not to stub your toe on that purple prose, there, shit hurts.

Asa: Duly noted.

With all the things that had been happening over the past few weeks, finding the time to just able to think absentmindedly without a single worry or care had become a true rarity for him.

You’ve been there for something like three weeks, Killian, quit bitching.

But for someone like Alex, being without a worry or care would be like a snail without its shell.

King: …A slug, then?

Yeah, that’s what I was thinking, too.

That was just the way his life worked, at least most of the time when he’s not helping his dad with the clinic, or when he’s helping his sister.

FUCKING TENSES, ASSHOLE!

Asa: And I thought Monocle was the loud one.

He didn’t like it, but for the time being, he was managing to live with it without giving it much notice.

…So then why did this even get brought up? Did the audience really need to be told that Alex doesn’t have much time to relax, but is at least managing to cope? Could… could that not have been at least partially inferred from the shit he’s been getting up to, recently? You needed to halt the whole plot just to tell us that Alex is in a trying time but still doing A-okay? Really?

This is what I (and possibly other folks) like to refer to as “filler text.” You know how in some anime, there’ll be episodes that mean absolutely nothing and are really just there to fill empty space while the show producers prepare the next actual episode for airtime? It’s basically like that. My oneshot from last week is all filler text, because I only did it to tide people over for another week so that I had more time to finish this. You also tend to see it a lot in stories where the author is trying to pad a word count – like, say, NaNoWriMo, where the only objective is to hammer out 50k in a month and worry about making an actual story out of it later. The logic behind non-riff filler text is usually that it seems important at the time (with the other end of the spectrum being, as mentioned, word count padding), but a better author than Stone-Man85 would look back later and realize that it’s just white noise and has no purpose being there at all.

And as we all know, Stone-Man85 is not that better author. Which means!

*SC smacks a buzzer*

Shit Nobody Cares About: 21

The sound of Isaac’s barking suddenly snapped him out of his dreamlike trance. “What the… ?” he said to himself as he looked towards the fire-lit camp many yards away. When the barking grew more intense he knew instantly that something was wrong. ‘Oh, crap…‘ he thought, and began running towards the camp, leaping over narrow creeks, logs, and thick roots that were sticking up from out of the ground.

Asa: He did remember to pull his trousers back up, right?

I like to think that he didn’t, and he’s just hobbling along with them around his ankles, tripping over everything.

I turn by my back on the crazy girl for a few minutes and this happens!

Did you forget Irontown already? This shit happens even when you’re right next to her, not being around makes zero difference.

When he finally returned to the small camp, he found that both San and Isaac were nowhere to be seen. It was as thought the girl and the fox-squirrel had just vanished.

Or were they never there to begin with?

“San!” he called out, “Come on this isn’t funny, answer me!”

King: I disagree. I find it rather humorous, myself.

He called the wolf-girl’s name a few more times before finally giving up, “What the heck’s going on?” he asked himself, while he looked about the area.

I think the evidence is quite clear: San left you for Isaac.

*Somewhere out in the hall, Drake laughs victoriously*

He could feel his quickly chilling blood pumping through his fear-choked heart when his eyes came to rest on the strange foot prints that had been left in the dirt.

*SC procures a fishing rod and casts the line into the hall; a moment later, he reels a none-too-impressed Doc into the riffing chamber by the collar of his scrubs shirt*

Doc: What.

Explain to the audience why “feeling rapidly-chilling blood pumping” sounds weird?

Doc: …Blood clots, I guess. They’re primarily caused by a reaction between platelets and proteins called “clot factors,” but it happens to be that cold is incidental to the process. However, if blood is chilling rapidly in the body, coagulopathy takes place, which means that blood clotting is less likely to occur.

But, that doesn’t mean it can’t happen?

Doc: No, it doesn’t. It’s just going to be an extreme unlikelihood. For the sake of spelling out the absolute worst case scenario here, let’s say that it did happen: Alex’s veins would first fill with thromboses, which is what happens when blood clots up without being able to dry out and scab over because there’s nowhere for the liquid to go. And thanks to the inflammatory process, more liquid is being drawn in, which causes a condition known as edema to occur as severe swelling begins to take place in the body due to inability to vacate the gathering fluids.

*Doc hands SC a photo*

An example of edema in action

An example of edema in action

Ew.

Doc: Congratulations, you’ve mimicked my exact response when I was learning about this in med school. Now, things get complicated here, because cold in the veins also begins to bring on symptoms of that big, nasty H-word, hypothermia. The sudden temperature drop in the body causes an extreme boost in the body’s production of epinephrine and norepinephrine in response to the temperature drop, which kicks up the metabolic process and introduces vasoconstriction into things, constricting the blood vessels in an effort to preserve warmth and keep you alive. Tachycardia, or an increase in heart rate, follows suit, as does shivering, which help to try and stymie the loss of body temperature. Problem is, this also kicks up the blood pressure, which leads to the same blood clots that caused the issue in the first place, which only serve to inflame the edema.

Asa: What could have caused this incident, just for the sake of curiosity?

Doc: Looking at the known causes of hypothermia actually does a lot to explain that. There are four major ways that the body can lose heat – conduction, convection, radiation, and evaporation – but given the circumstances of this situation, we’ll go ahead and say we’re dealing with convection, here. One of the things that causes heat loss through convection is draftiness, so we’ll say it’s kind of windy out.

Fair enough, Stone-Man85 seems to think that Japan’s weather fluctuates wildly from being clear to stormy on a moment’s notice anyhow.

Doc: Okay, so we have our probable cause. Via extreme, and frankly unearthly windy weather, Alex has lost so much body heat that his blood has clotted in his veins, becomes thromboses, progressed to edema, and his body has attempted to slow the process via metabolic activity increase, which causes more clotting, which makes the edema worse. So now what? Well, a number of things begin to occur: because the initial vasoconstriction and tachycardia have done nothing to halt the drop in body temperature, these processes cease. As the body continues to lose heat, heart rate begins to slow, leading to a noticeable decrease in myocardial contractility, or the heart’s intrinsic ability to contract. Circulatory functions begin to shut down in response. Now oxygen can’t get through the body, and the tissue beds begin to suffer from being strangled. Meanwhile, because of the suppression of myocardial contractility, the heart becomes irritable to the point of potentially fatal arrhythmias, or irregular heartbeats. Additionally, the depolarization of the ventricle slows, which results in a secondary deflection on the QRS complex known as an Osborne “J” wave, or hypothermic hump. This leads into suppression of cardiac functions, which causes less pumping of blood through the body to vital organs, resulting in further systemic insult. That on top of the already present edema causes some pretty not nice things to happen, let’s just say. I could go on and on about just how bad shit gets, but the big thing you need to know is that Alex is probably not going to be walking away from this, regardless of how much worse it does or doesn’t become.

So Alex should be very dead right now?

Doc: Oh look, you figured it out. And as a bit of added fun, sufferers of hypothermia will sometimes rip their clothing off because their mind incorrectly perceives them as being too hot. I feel like this would have to happen before the edema sets in, though.

So Alex could foreseeably be an ass-naked, internally frozen human blood balloon?

*King chokes and struggles to avoid laughing*

Doc: Sure, why the fuck not, now I’ll thank you to never put that image in my head again.

Thanks, Doc!

*SC scoops Doc up in a net and chucks him back out into the hall; a dull thud is heard moments later*

Doc: Ow, fucker!

So there you go, folks, Alex got so scared that he done killed himself in hilarious, but also gruesome fashion. Or should have. Because life just can’t ever be easy for me.

Did something come and drag them off?‘ He looked about the camp on more time. ‘No. There’d be blood all over the place.

Do I need to reel Shades in and have her explain why Alex isn’t necessarily right, here?

Asa: Ill-advised.

Yeah, I agree. Besides, I’m pretty sure people can guess that one.

*Monocle begins to stir*

Ah shit, the powder didn’t take!

*Asa pulls his mask down over his face-*

*Book Specs’ staff flies into the room and bops Monocle back unconscious*

Asa: …Or, I suppose that works, too.

Booky gets some damn good range for having a throwing arm that got him laughed out of a kiddie baseball league.

[And exactly at WHAT POINT did I give you permission to tell everybody?! -Book Specs]

An obscure shape suddenly leapt form out of nowhere and grabbed Alex by the neck, forcing him to the ground. As he struggled to shake the thing from his neck, his arms were suddenly grabbed and pushed into the dirt by two pairs of hairy hands. His legs soon followed.

Aw, yes! Alex is getting his ass whooped, finally!

“Get off me!” the young outlander screamed, trying to struggle his way out of the assault. But all his efforts were in vain.

“The more human struggles, the more human shall hurt,” came a basso voice that rumbled with a forbidding resonance.

Wow, it’s been a number of riffs since Basso made a surprise appearance in this fic.

Also, sorry Herr. I guess we’re not done with that issue.

Alex jerked the hands that held his head to the ground

King: I shall refrain from asking how that works.

Meanwhile, I wish I could stab my own brain.

and looked towards the source of the terrible voice. What he found was what could only be described as large, shadowy figure crouching at his feet.

Psh, yeah, if you’re lazy and can’t bothered with proper descriptions. It’s a giant ape, isn’t it?

Asa: Given that it appears to be a bipedal creature with human-like use of its forelimbs according to the descriptions we’ve received so far, I would venture to say yes.

A pair of hellish-red eyes were glaring at him, “Who… or what the hell are you?”

The shadow began to crawl its way over Alex’s body with the same casualness that one would have when walking on the ground.

That’s only mildly creepy.

“We are brothers of forest!” it rumbled, “Brothers that humans turned back on!”

When it reached the youth’s chest it reached out with a hair-covered arm and wrapped it fingers around his face, squeezing it tightly.

“Humans kill forest!” it squeezed tighter, “Forest grow weak. Brothers grow weak. All because of humans!”

It was then that Alex realized that the appendage that was clutching his face was not the figure’s hand at all. It was the it’s foot! His eyes looked up to make eye contact with his assailant and found himself frozen in a state absolute horror. For looking back at him was a grotesque face of simian origin. It’s large mouth, filled with bone crushing molars, and finger length fangs, twisted and scowled with a frighteningly human expression.

Yep, giant ape.

King: It bears striking resemblance to the whelp, does it not?

Harsh, bro.

Alex’s eyes widened when he realized that this monkey-creature sitting on top of his chest, had beentalking to him! This thing actually had the ability to talk!

You met wolves who could talk and have been in the company of a fox-squirrel who can talk, and yet the giant ape is surprising to you?

“What… ” the youth began, feeling his entire body trembling in fear. “Just… what… are you?” He cringed when the monkey-creature’s foot’ shoved his head back onto the ground.

“We,” the monkey-creature began, it’s voice writhing in hatred and spite, “… are ape!” It released its grip on Alex’s face and took a few steps back. “Many years go by, humans kill apes! Destroy ape’s forests! Make apes weak.” It lifted its arm above his head. In its grasp was a thick piece of a broken branch that it held like a weapon. “Now, after many years passed, apes shall finally kill human!”

Alex tried to scream, but the ape’s weapon came down on his head so hard that it knocked him senseless before the scream could reach his mouth. The dark-haired youth could just barely make out the ape’s sneering faces before finally slipping out of conciseness.

Confusing conciseness for conscious. That’s a new one. Hey, I’m just happy Alex finally got his shit kicked but good. Props to the ape, there.

As the group of apes laughed and hollered victoriously over their prize, More and more of their simian comrades bound from out of the shadows and crowed around the still human’s form, pawing and probing him like a piece of ripe fruit. When nearly a dozen apes had come out of hiding, each one grabbed a handful of the human’s clothing and began dragging him off towards the trees, taking him deeper into the shadowy depths of the forest.

Not once did they notice the small fox who was watching them from behind the shelter of a nearby bush.

Hey, Isaac ain’t dead!

Asa: Well, that’s good, at least.

Elsewhere in the Forest

Moro’s Cave

The moon shined brightly over the formation of rocks that served as the home of Moro and her clan. For a long time, the old Wolf-God sat motionless along the overhanging rock that stretched over the forest far bellow. The rock that served as her thrown of power and dominion over the lands.

Oh, son of a whore.

*SC barely dodges out of the way of the incoming power, which proceeds to destroy several adjacent walls*

King: You reacted as if that was not your first time encountering this issue.

It’s not. And I’ve largely brought it on myself.

Her reddish eyes gazed out towards the blackness of night that blanketed the horizon, waiting for the first sign of the dawn’s twilight to peak over the mountains.

Twilight happens at night, fucklord, not dawn.

Her white coat seemed to shimmer under in the moonlight, each strand of fur radiating like precious stones.

Oh God damn it, we accidentally turned Moro to stone again.

Asa: I take no responsibility for this slight.

San… ‘ she said silently,

Well, then she didn’t really say it, now did she?

feeling a mixture of anger and sadness as the name of her daughter flashed through her mind.

Never before had Moro felt this angry at her adopted daughter’s rashness. Those few times in the past when the young wolf-girl had been disobedient towards her all seemed to diminish in light of this latest act of defiance.

How could she have been so careless?‘ Moro asked herself. ‘How could she have been so naive to believe that she could kill the Gun-Woman on her own grounds? Did she honestly believe the humans would just let her invade their dwelling and let her kill their master?

No, but she did seem to have this silly idea in her head that they wouldn’t be able to stop her.

King: That sounds familiar.

*Monocle grumbles incoherently in his sleep*

Angry no longer seemed to describe how the Wolf-God felt. She was Furious now.

Shit, that’s the second notch on the Pissed Off Scale! We need to start preparing our defenses, there’s no telling when she’ll hit Homicidal!

It made the wound in her shoulder that had been inflicted by the gun-woman’s bullet throb painfully. ‘I would have thought that I had taught you better than that, San.

You might have taught SAN better, but SANNABE sucks at learning lessons.

She suddenly felt the presence of another wolf behind her. “I know what you are going to ask, Kiba,” she said aloud.

“I wish to ask you anyway, Mother,” the smaller, but very large wolf replied.

Taco, Kiba’s breaking physics! Tell him to quit it!

“You already know my answer,” Moro growled. “… and It is not up for negotiation!”

*Moro* “I am NOT selling the family business to that smarmy fuck Crunchy!”

“Please Mother,” her cub pleaded to his mother, “San may be in danger!”

“Then it will be her danger to deal with. The girl is old enough to fend for herself.”

“But Mother,” Tsume joined in, “What if she’s been captured? Or mortally wounded? She could be dying as speak! Are you just going to stand by and let her die?”

“Enough!” Moro thundered, twisting around to glare at her two cubs, “San chose to fight the humans alone! We will not interfere, nor will we give her aid! We shall wait and honor her decision, however foolish it may have be.” Her large eyes narrowed, “And if she is killed…that will be the price she pays for her recklessness! Now speak no more of this!”

Damn, Moro’s about the only sensible character in this fic so far. I’d ditch Sannabe’s ass if she fucked up that hard, too!

Asa: I’m fairly certain we all would.

King: Once an asset stops being an asset, it is best done away with before it becomes a liability.

With another growl, the old Wolf-God returned her gaze to the night sky. As she listened to the two other wolves return to their cave, she could not help but feel a sense of self-loathing creep over her. ‘Please San…stay alive.

No, please die, then this horrible romance won’t be able to happen and Alex will be deprived of his reason to live.

Well, that’s gonna do for this week! Thanks for reading, folks, and stay tuned for next time! Probably gonna be another short part after this, just to keep the pattern going. Because I guess I follow patterns now? I dunno. In the meantime, I’m SC, and on behalf of Asa Catori, Monocle, and the King of Warlords, I’ll see you next time!

…So, is Monocle dead?

Asa: He would have respawned by now, I’d wager.

King: My compliments to that Book Specs fellow. For as feeble as he appears, he certainly does not lack in brutality.

Yeah, and I bet he’s not gonna help me drag this fat fuck out of here, either…

~~~

Oh, and in case I didn’t mention it already, it turns out we have a very, very ironic friend in none other than N’jata, himself! Yep, I got a few emails which basically said “fuck Stone-Man85 for stealing my shit” from N’jata not too long ago. We even gave him the go ahead to join the fun, so you might see him pop up in the comments, who knows?

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22 Comments on “1421: Legendary Adventurers, Futuristic Saviors – Chapter Twelve, Part Three”

  1. batjamags says:

    An obscure shape suddenly leapt form out of nowhere and grabbed Alex by the neck, forcing him to the ground.

    An “obscure shape?” Yes, my favorite shape is the tetrahedron. It’s pretty obscure, you’ve probably never heard of it.

  2. batjamags says:

    Alex jerked the hands that held his head to the ground

    And this, boys and girls, is why you proofread.

  3. batjamags says:

    It was then that Alex realized that the appendage that was clutching his face was not the figure’s hand at all. It was the it’s foot! His eyes looked up to make eye contact with his assailant and found himself frozen in a state absolute horror. For looking back at him was a grotesque face of simian origin. It’s large mouth, filled with bone crushing molars, and finger length fangs, twisted and scowled with a frighteningly human expression.

    Dude.

    Just call it a gorilla, OK? No need to get all purple on us.

  4. batjamags says:

    Alex’s eyes widened when he realized that this monkey-creature sitting on top of his chest, had beentalking to him! This thing actually had the ability to talk!

    (1:56)

    • SC says:

      You have to wonder how anybody from the Lantern Corp could be surprised by anything, considering who they are and what their weapons of the trade are.

  5. batjamags says:

    Angry no longer seemed to describe how the Wolf-God felt. She was Furious now.

    She was so Furious that it just Had to be Spelled with a Capital Letter.

  6. batjamags says:

    “Please Mother,” her cub pleaded to his mother, “San may be in danger!”

    *Alarms blare*

    Goddammit, Stone-Man85!

    *Headshotted in the head*

    • batjamags says:

      *Respawns dressed as an ape*

      For those of you keeping track at home, that’s a triple redundancy! Kiba calls her “Mother” in the dialogue, and then he’s referred to as “her cub” in the narration, and then it’s specified he’s speaking to “his mother.”

      HOW DO YOU WRITE A TRIPLE REDUNDANCY AND NOT NOTICE YOU’RE DOING IT?!

  7. SC says:

    Author comment: Fuck you, YouTube Playback! You ruined my X-Files joke!

  8. "Lyle" says:

    “That’s not Alex’s scent,” Isaac growled, the fur on his back standing on end.

    No, it’s Nathan’s.

  9. "Lyle" says:

    “Please Mother,” her cub pleaded to his mother, “San may be in danger!”

    *twitch*

    “Enough!” Moro thundered, twisting around to glare at her two cubs,

    *TWITCH*

    Baby wolves are called PUPS! PUPS, you twatsniffer! Cubs are for bears, wolverines, and members of the big cat family, such as tigers and lions. GAH!

    *storms off in search of wine*


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