1420: the unloved crused night fury – Chapters 1 – 3

Title: the unloved crused night fury
Author: joehayes1234
Media:  Film
Topic: How to Train Your Dragon
Genre: none given
URL: Chapter 1
URL: Chapter 2
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by Ghostcat

—WARNING—

—POTENTIAL TRIGGERS AHEAD—

 

Hello, dear Patrons.

This fic is one of those works that starts out insipid enough but then smacks you over the head like a baseball bat built of bad ideas. I don’t usually rewrite my introductions because I like to experience the fic along with you, but I do feel the need to warn you, my Patrons – this fic contains massive amounts of abuse directed towards a child as well as several mentions of suicide and what could be considered a veiled reference to eating disorders. It is very badly written and doesn’t give a lot of specific details, but those that are given make me want to track down the author and punch them in the face. The author’s attitude towards females in general, based on their other works, turns my stomach. If you are at all sensitive to these subjects, I strongly recommend giving this one a pass.

I now return you to our regularly scheduled riff.

Hello, Patrons!

I’m here with a short little fic from the How to Train Your Dragon series that has been languishing in my pile for a while now; over a year in fact. I don’t really remember why I added it, but I’m sure it’ll come back to me.

Let’s take a look at the summary, such as it is;

its about hate and abuse sory about the speeling i have a beat reader now who will help me

Something tells me this “beat” reader has their work cut out for them. I’m going to go ahead and add a trigger warning to the top of the riff, because any time I see “hate and abuse” in a summary it rarely ends well. Of course,  I could be wrong. Let’s take a look at the first paragraph, shall we?

(This takes place a few months after the movie) In the place where the Queen of dragons had once lived all was destroyed. However, in the rubble there was a egg that survived it. The egg of the Dragon queen. The egg moved and moved. It finally came was a female Night Fury. She had scales as black as night and a birth mark that looked like the Queen of dragons. She waddled out of the rubble. (Here is the dragon’s POV)

:eye-twitch:

I don’t see any “hate and abuse” yet, but I do need to break this up a bit.

:pokes Brick-o-Text repeatedly with Mr. Crowbar:

(This takes place a few months after the movie)

I’m going to assume this is some sort of Author’s Note even though it’s not labeled as such, because if this is an attempt at setting the scene, it is a really bad one even by the Library’s standards.

In the place where the Queen of dragons had once lived all was destroyed.

This is probably a reference to the island that served as the dragons’ nest, which is how all the characters refer to it. Astrid does compare the nest to a hive with the smaller dragons acting as the workers with the much larger one as the queen, but that’s the only time the analogy is ever made. The Red Death does explode, which likely does quite a lot of damage, but I doubt it destroyed the entire island – as evidenced by the fact that the Vikings of Berk survived relatively uninjured.

However, in the rubble there was a egg that survived it.

So “all” in this instance means “everything except the incredibly durable plot-convenient egg.”

The egg of the Dragon queen.

If it really was the queen in the same way that ants and bees have queens, then all of the eggs would probably be the queen’s eggs since that’s how a hive structure works. I find this very hard to believe, though, given the range of sizes that dragons come in.

The egg moved and moved. It finally came was a female Night Fury.

Bwa?

I think the plot-convenient egg hatched into a female Night Fury, but the narration is just … ech.

She had scales as black as night and a birth mark that looked like the Queen of dragons.

I know what the Red Death looks like since I’ve seen the film, but I don’t know what this “Queen of dragons” looks like since she isn’t described. I do know what the Mother of Dragons looks like, so I’m going to picture her instead.

She waddled out of the rubble. (Here is the dragon’s POV)

Is that a POV Tag at the end of a paragraph? How :eye-twitch: different.

Where on my life am I?,she thought.

I’m thinking the same thing, honey – albeit with better grammar.

Somehow her wings flapped by itself.

Because flying is an involuntary reaction, like breathing and blinking.

She was able to control it and sipped at a puddle of milk.(Narrator POV)

:eye-twitch:

So adding the POV Tag to the end of the previous paragraph is a thing now. Also – unless dragons are somehow related to the platypus, which is doubtful given their reptilian appearance, they wouldn’t produce both milk and eggs. Even if they did, newborns don’t suckle from puddles. There’s probably more, but I’m not an expert in these things. Luckily, this is the Library!

LYLE! I HAVE AN AUTHOR WHO DOESN’T KNOW HOW LACTATION OR MILK WORKS!

I can sense something, thought Toothless but ignored it.

So … Does that mean that Toothless is the narrator? Or is he this female Night Fury? And what is the point of telling the audience that he senses something if he’s just going to ignore whatever it is that he senses?

He and Hiccup flown all around Berk to make sure all dragons were fine.

:stares into the Void: They look okay to me.

He saw something fly towards at him and hit him square in the face and the thing fell a 100 feet

:THWACK!:

No numerals in the narration!

and left a crater in the ground. Toothless and Hiccup flew down to see what it was.

Let me get this straight: something hits Toothless hard enough that the “thing” is knocked out of the air and this “thing” is heavy enough to create a crater even though it only fell a hundred feet, yet Toothless and Hiccup not only managed to remain airborne but didn’t even move from their position?

Physics done got broked.

  It was a Night Fury. (Female Night Fury’s POV)

Much shock. So surprised.

I hope the wonky POV Tag placement is a formatting error, because if you have to use tags – and you really shouldn’t need them in this instance – then they really shouldn’t be appended to the previous paragraph.

I was flying and I hit someone.

Oh, great; it’s the same scene from a different perspective. That doesn’t get old fast.

I roared (in pain not because I was angry) and fell a 100 feet.

:THWACK!:

Still no numerals in the narration! Also –

:THWACK!:

No parenthetical statements in the narration! Especially parenthetical statements that could easily be included in said narration.

The ground punched me.

I kind of want to give her a pass because she’s probably a baby, even though a newly hatched dragon likely wouldn’t be big enough to inflict this much damage, but she clearly knows what falling is so she should know what is happening when she falls down.

Ow, the pain, so much pain! I looked at my tail and my tail fin was ruined.

What an incredible coincidence! Not only is the OC the same incredibly rare species as Toothless, but she suffers an identical injury.

I really wanted to fly and then another dragon came down and I stood as best I could but the dragon pinned me down.

This is possibly the vaguest daybooking I’ve read in a while, which is really saying something, given the fics I’ve worked on.

“Please don’t hurt me!,”I caterwauled.

… Apparently dragons can talk now.

“We saw your birth mark.

Frickin’ how? Ten seconds ago you couldn’t even accurately describe what hit you as a dragon, for goodness sakes. Of course, there’s no description of this birthmark, such as where it is located or how big it is – or even how big the nameless Night Fury is – so I guess they could have seen it when they were landing.

We know who you are. You are a sibling of the Dragon Queen.”

Ummm …

:scrolls back through fic:

Nameless here was born from “The egg of the Dragon queen,” so either the author is from a family with severe boundary issues or they aren’t very good with the terminology of inter-familial relationships.

 The dragon slapped her.

… That was unexpected.

“I want my mommy!”

“I killed her already, weakling!”(Narrator POV)

As was that.

Toothless doesn’t talk in the movies, he does emote but it’s more on the level of a very large dog, but in the books he is quite the chatterbox – I don’t remember him ever being this deliberately cruel, though.

She blacked out. She woke up and felt pain.

That makes it sound like these are all separate events; Nameless blacks out, she wakes up, and then she feels pain.

Dragons of all kind hurt her in every way they could think of.

:eye-twitch:

This must be the beginning of the “hate and abuse” portion of the fic. I’m very much hoping that there was an unmentioned age-skip for Nameless between the time she hatched and when she flew into Toothless, because the idea that these characters are abusing a newly-hatched baby is very hard to stomach.

She thought they were done but then the humans whipped her and gave her no mercy or any sign of sympathy or sorrowness.

What the heck is “sorrowness”?

There was just abuse. On that night, she cried herself to sleep.

It literally is just abuse – nothing but the cruel and violent treatment of another living thing. I’m actually glad that the author is daybooking through this, because the last thing the Library needs is another fic that glorifies physical assault, but why is this abuse even here in the first place? The only reason Nameless is a target for this abuse is because she was born from a “Queen’s egg”, but as I’ve already pointed out – all of the dragons would have been born from the “Queen’s eggs” if that was the case. By the end of the first film the Vikings and dragons coexist together and have formed deep bonds. Even if they still harbored some sort of lingering resentment towards the “Queen” that wasn’t washed away when she exploded in a ball of fiery death, they wouldn’t do this.

There’s also the little fact that Toothless is the only known Night Fury in the entire world; finding a female of the same species would be like stumbling across a breeding pair of unicorns.

Since these chapters are so short, let’s go ahead and take a look at the second chapter… :is suddenly tackled by a velociraptor:

nightfury pov I woke up the next morning and saw a bowl of fish I tried to grab it but it was out of reach my body hurts all over I wish mommy was here toothless (pov) you want to go beat up that dragon am I right bud I shook my head don’t worry we give it a couple of days to heel then we attack again make her pay for what her mother made you guys do hiccup was right she deserves it she said she was just bore i surged it off and went over to stormfly hey story hey tooth those are there nicknames hey you no the dragon we kept attacking yea what did you attack her with owe just my spikes but i kind of saw a look of fear and sarrowness on her face yea lets go see how the thing is doing maybe punch her a pit more OK then lets go i got hiccup to but on my tail were i can fly by myself and we left they got there shes gone how is she gone alert everybody ok night furys pov after a lot of pain and strugling i got out of the chians and left then i saw a cove i slped and fell great how can this get any wores my tail fin is gone and i cant hunt (it starts to rain) great just great rain i fell aslep out in the cold no dragon would feel pity on me no won will i woke up in the moring i know what i need to do kill myself yes thats it i then thoght off how i could do it i can strave myself to death yea that will do then i fell asleep toothless pov i am so going to hurt so much for leaving us so much she wishes she was dead i tracked her sent were is she it got closer and clorser then i looked and saw it was were me and hiicup meet i heard her talking to herself i know the only way to frgive them for my mothers acticos is suicide hoe to do it sraving to death yea thats it i guess i will go to sleep now and wait tell its over wow she want to die andshe was just bore she is so young i know i will get hiicup and tell him (dragons can talk to humans in this one) hey hiccup yea bud you know the night fury thst escaped right yea well i found her and she wants to cammiet sucide thats terrible even for her yea shes at the cove were we met ok they get there she is hitting her head agiset a rock this is for me being stuipd this for for me having no friends and this is for me being unable to fly toothless go get her ok i need to shoot the ground to get her attion he shoots at the ground and pins her down no leave me alone i am trying to kill myself thats why were taking you to are home do youj want that yes yes please oh thank you thank you thank you come i can carry you i look stronger than you think ok they get back to the house they go to hiicups room then the little thing sits in the fertherst coreier of the room and sleeps

“That was a close call!”

My spine would argue otherwise, Eliza.

:looks up at Wall-o-Text:

Damn, but that is an ugly lump. I didn’t think it was possible to make POV Tags worse, but clearly I was wrong. :holds up Mr. Crowbar: I don’t have any feeling in my hands right now, so would you care to do the honors?

“Would I!?!?”

:THWACK!:

:THWACK!:

:THWACK!:

:THWACK!:

Try not to get too carried away, dear.

“Sorry. It’s just so much fun!”

nightfury pov I woke up the next morning and saw a bowl of fish I tried to grab it but it was out of reach my body hurts all over I wish mommy was here

I think that this is supposed to be from Nameless’ perspective, but since there are now two Night Furies it would be a good idea to give her a name to avoid confusion.

toothless (pov) you want to go beat up that dragon am I right bud I shook my head don’t worry we give it a couple of days to heel then we attack again make her pay for what her mother made you guys do

Based on the phrasing this looks like it is meant to be dialogue from Hiccup, but the complete lack of attribution and punctuation makes it hard to tell. Given how badly he was treated before he made friends with the other kids, I have a hard time believing that Hiccup would encourage this kind of behaviour. If he really felt the need for revenge or closure, wouldn’t obliterating the Red Death/Queen in a fiery explosion fit the bill?

And they’re letting her heal a bit before starting another round of attacks? Damn. That’s some seriously sadistic bullshit right there.

hiccup was right she deserves it

:THWACK!:

No. HELL no.  No one “deserves” to be treated a specific way based on who their parents are. Only small-minded bigoted racists indulge in that kind of back-assward mindset.

Seriously, what the hell is this author thinking?

she said she was just bore i surged it off

:runs fragment through Badfic-to-English translator:

I think Nameless told Toothless that she had just been born, which should have been evident by her appearance and behaviour, and he just shrugged it off as unimportant.

I am not a violent person, but this is really pissing me off.

and went over to stormfly hey story hey tooth those are there nicknames

:headdesk:

Is that a frickin’ Author’s Note?!?

:double headdesk:

Seriously, author; if your fic looks like it belongs in Insult ov de Innocentsa ov DANmnatashaton, then you are doing something very wrong.

hey you no the dragon we kept attacking yea what did you attack her with owe just my spikes but i kind of saw a look of fear and sarrowness on her face yea lets go see how the thing is doing maybe punch her a pit more OK then lets go

It looks like Stormfly, Astrid’s dragon, and Toothless are having a conversation about beating up Nameless. One of them, not sure who, saw a look of fear and … :squints at fic: sadness, maybe? on Nameless’ face, but they still want to go punch Nameless a little more.

i got hiccup to but on my tail were i can fly by myself

Hiccup is doing something to someone’s tail, but I really don’t want to know the specifics. I’ve seen more than enough Viking/dragon lemons, thank you very much.

and we left they got there shes gone how is she gone alert everybody ok

… What just happened? Did Nameless escape?

night furys pov

:grumbles ominously in Japanese:

after a lot of pain and strugling i got out of the chians and left then i saw a cove i slped and fell

Did Nameless fall asleep in a cove or slip and fall into a cove?

great how can this get any wores my tail fin is gone and i cant hunt

Weren’t you also severely beaten by Vikings and/or dragons, resulting in many injuries?

(it starts to rain)

Are those frickin’ stage directions?!?

:headdesk:

Tell me the truth, author – you found a list of badfic clichés and just decided to see how many you could fit into one fic, didn’t you?

great just great rain i fell aslep out in the cold

I thought Nameless was in a cove of some kind?

no dragon would feel pity on me no won will i woke up in the moring i know what i need to do kill myself yes thats it i then thoght off how i could do it i can strave myself to death yea that will do then i fell asleep

Ah, now the mindless violence for no adequately explored reason makes sense – it was to justify turning Nameless into an Emo Sue.

I don’t really understand the character’s reasoning, though; she thinks that the dragons that were actively abusing her won’t feel pity towards her, which is a fair bet given the aforementioned abuse, so she decides her only option is to kill herself even though she managed to free herself from those dragons and might possibly never see them again. And the method she chooses? Starvation, one of the most drawn-out and painful methods of death. I don’t even think it could be considered suicide, since she admitted she couldn’t hunt due to her tail injury and thus was doomed to starve anyway.

toothless pov i am so going to hurt so much for leaving us so much she wishes she was dead i tracked her sent were is she it got closer and clorser then i looked and saw it was were me and hiicup meet

How fortuitous; Nameless wound up in the same isolated pond where Toothless and Hiccup spent most of their time together. That’s not at all contrived.

i heard her talking to herself i know the only way to frgive them for my mothers acticos is suicide

… The only way to forgive them – “them” meaning the Berk dragons – for the actions of Nameless’ mother is for Nameless to commit suicide?

Bwa?

And that’s not even the reason she JUST GAVE for why she wants to kill herself!

hoe to do it sraving to death yea thats it i guess i will go to sleep now and wait tell its over

She decides to starve herself and then immediately falls asleep so that she can sleep through the actual starvation part of her suicide.

Yeah, I don’t think it works like that; victims of starvation do become lethargic as they burn through their body fat reserves, but it isn’t an immediate thing. If the Vikings of Berk were allowing her to recuperate between attacks they probably would have fed her at some point, if only to keep her alive longer, so she shouldn’t be in any immediate danger. Depending on how big she is, it could take days for her to die this way.

wow she want to die andshe was just bore she is so young

Hypocrite. You and your OOC buddies were whooping the tar out of her and none of you gave a damn about how young she was.

i know i will get hiicup and tell him

How? And why? Wasn’t he part of the smack-down team?

(dragons can talk to humans in this one)

:THWACK!:

:headdesk:

I kind of figured that out already, back when Toothless talked in the very first chapter.

hey hiccup yea bud you know the night fury thst escaped

Y’know, the one you’ve been using as the target of your pointless and completely unnecessary violence?

right yea well i found her and she wants to cammiet sucide thats terrible even for her yea shes at the cove were we met ok

It would appear that Nameless has reached some kind of Tragek Past threshold where everyone is now supposed to care about the Emo Sue even though these are the same people who made her past so Tragek.

they get there she is hitting her head agiset a rock

She’s pretty lively for someone on the brink of death, but why is she hitting her head on a rock? Shouldn’t she be sleeping her way through starvation right now?

this is for me being stuipd this for for me having no friends and this is for me being unable to fly

Previously she wanted to commit suicide because no one would pity her, then it was because she wanted to atone for the Queen’s actions, and now it’s … some kind of mixed bag of wangst?

toothless go get her ok i need to shoot the ground to get her attion he shoots at the ground and pins her down

Yeah, let’s get the suicidal dragon’s attention by shooting plasma at her. That’s sure to calm her down.

no leave me alone i am trying to kill myself thats why were taking you to are home do youj want that yes yes please oh thank you thank you thank you

… This kind of looks like they are taking her back to Berk to help her kill herself. And she’s overjoyed by this for some reason. I guess that would make sense if she was suicidal; she wants to die and has known nothing but harsh treatment from these people, so it would be natural to assume that if she goes back with them that they are going to kill her at some point.

come i can carry you i look stronger than you think ok they get back to the house they go to hiicups room then the little thing sits in the fertherst coreier of the room and sleeps

Do you see that?!?! Nameless is a “little thing”, which means these OOC assholes have been abusing a baby the entire time. A HELPLESS BABY!

:marches into The Closet of Cursing and slams the door shut:

—MANY HOURS LATER—

I feel a little better, but … :groans: This is such a terrible fic! The only thing that keeps me from turning into a seething ball of rage is that this fic is so badly written that it is almost impossible to figure out what the hell is going on.

There’s only one more chapter left and I really don’t want to stretch this over another riff, so let’s see … :is tackled by a velociraptor again:

night furys pov i woke up and saw the dragon know as toohless eating fish and i was hungry so he was destrsacted eating his fish i saw one by his tail i strated to sneek over there i alomest had the fish just about there i got it but then toothless saw me i droped the fish and toothless slaped me with his tail and what do you think your doing i i was just hungry well you doint get any fish but no buts why do you hate me i told you allrdy becasue of you have powers like your mother did so just shut up hicup came upstares and and saw i was up hey girl you want a fish toothless grworled at me no no thake you ok then dad home hide under the bed son son up here dad i hered huiccup say any news on the night fury no not yet hey whats that i looke at were hes pointing and sees my tail out from under the bud he reches for it and pulls me out no no no how did she get up here hiicup did you hide her here what no dad i just came up straes a few minunts before you did ok then so what are you doing here dragon came for a personl beating please no more no more beatings shut up he kicks me in my ribs and i hered a sicking crack i scremed out ahhhhhh it hurts so much dad stop why son you no what her mother did to yours yes but dad look at her she couldent harm a fly and me and toothless saw her trying to kill herself for her mothers actions ok than put if she does anthing anything at all i will beat her ok got it dad

“I saved you again!”

:groans: I can’t feel my pancreas.

“You probably don’t need it.”

Can you break this chapter up while I go hook myself up to an IV?

“Sure!”

:THWACK!:

:THWACK!:

:THWACK!:

:THWACK!:

“BWA-HA-Ha-ha!”

So how have you been enjoying Crunchy’s Evil Laughs Made Easy lecture series?

“It’s much better now that he got Gumdrop to provide some decent snacks instead of just leaving out a bowl of lukewarm ferrets for everyone to share.”

night furys pov i woke up and saw the dragon know as toohless eating fish and i was hungry

Weren’t you just planning on deliberately starving yourself to death?

so he was destrsacted eating his fish i saw one by his tail i strated to sneek over there i alomest had the fish just about there i got it but then toothless saw me i droped the fish and toothless slaped me with his tail and what do you think your doing

What the hell is Toothless doing? What about that whole change of heart where he doesn’t want her to starve to death?

i i was just hungry well you doint get any fish

Looks like Toothless got over his sudden concern for Nameless.

but no buts why do you hate me i told you allrdy becasue of you have powers like your mother did so just shut up

Wait a second … Nameless has powers? When did this ever come up before this moment? Toothless attacked Nameless because he saw her birthmark, not because she had any special abilities. If she did have the same power as the “queen,” the ability to control other dragons, wouldn’t she have used it to keep the other dragons from torturing her?

hicup came upstares and and saw i was up hey girl you want a fish

toothless grworled at me

Gesundheit.

no no thake you ok then dad home hide under the bed

Are they all going to hide under the bed? I don’t think Hiccup’s bed is big enough for that.

son son up here dad i hered huiccup say any news on the night fury

She’s under the bed, possibly with the boy and the other Night Fury. I’m not even sure if Nameless is small enough to fit under the bed by herself, since there’s absolutely nothing in the way of descriptions for the bed or Nameless.

no not yet hey whats that i looke at were hes pointing and sees my tail out from under the bud

Huh. I guess she’s not small enough to hide under the bed.

he reches for it and pulls me out no no no how did she get up here hiicup did you hide her here what no dad i just came up straes a few minunts before you did

Given Hiccup’s past history of dragon-hiding, I would be very skeptical of this denial.

ok then so what are you doing here dragon

There’s a baby female dragon under a teenaged boy’s bed. Is there a good way for this conversation to go?

came for a personl beating please no more no more beatings

Nameless is acting very schizophrenic right now.

shut up he kicks me in my ribs and i hered a sicking crack i scremed out ahhhhhh it hurts so much

:headdesk:

This is just so excessive. Why is Hiccup’s father, Stoick, doing this? He likes dragons, or at least tolerates them, now.  One of them saved his son from certain death! Well, most of him anyway.

dad stop why son you no what her mother did to yours yes but dad look at her she couldent harm a fly and me and toothless saw her trying to kill herself for her mothers actions

She’s completely harmless, yet she is a threat to herself? That doesn’t make any sense.

ok than put if she does anthing anything at all i will beat her ok got it dad

:rubs forehead:

Let me see if I get this straight; Nameless hatches and makes her way to Berk, where she flies into Toothless and Hiccup and then manages to sustain the same damage that Toothless did. Toothless and Hiccup decide to kidnap Nameless because of her birthmark, take her somewhere, and allow the dragons and/or Vikings to systematically abuse her. She escapes and decides, for ever-changing reasons, to kill herself via starvation. Toothless hears her plans and decides to save Nameless, so Toothless and Hiccup take her back to Hiccup’s house. Once there, Toothless denies Nameless food and intimidates her into refusing food when it is offered by Hiccup. Stoick suddenly appears, drags Nameless from her hiding place, and kicks her ribs in. Hiccup then uses Nameless’ suicidal tendencies to convince his father to stop beating Nameless because … I’m not clear on why her suicide attempt makes them stop beating her, but it seems to be the magic phrase for these OOC assholes. Stoick agrees, but states that if Nameless does anything – which could cover any activity at all at all – that he will beat her.

This makes no fucking sense! Why is this – any of this – happening?

And that’s it – that’s the end of the fic. It isn’t listed as “complete”, but there has been no activity on the fic for nearly three years so it is likely abandoned. I don’t know where the author was going with this, or why they wrote it in the first place, but it isn’t the only fic they’ve written that shares the same unsettling themes. There’s a total of twelve fics listed on the author’s profile; nine are Pokémon fics that feature various Umbreons (always female) enduring some sort of abuse or mistreatment, one is from a canon I’ve never heard of called Women of the Otherworld that is a confusing Brick-o-Text chronicling a wolf (again, a female) having multiple bones broken as a punishment for stealing food because she was hungry, and one is this fic. All of them have the same eye-bleedingly terrible grammar and share the same disturbing themes of casual mistreatment and starvation of female characters. The last and most recent fic is the only one to break this pattern; it is called “take my storys and make them better” which is nothing but a single mangled sentence that essentially offers the fics up for adoption on the condition that the new author messages the original author.

I sincerely hope no one ever takes them up on this offer.

 

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35 Comments on “1420: the unloved crused night fury – Chapters 1 – 3”

  1. SC says:

    You know what really throws me about this author?

    Very few of the collective reviews these… hesitantly named “fics” receive get after him about the abuse thing. Everybody just nails him on the grammar and spelling and such.

    Like, is everybody too scared of telling this guy off, or do they not notice, or do they just not give a damn?

    • GhostCat says:

      Yeah, the ones I glanced through were either plain old “This sucks!”, “What the hell did I just read?”, or stuck to criticizing the mechanics. I’ve noticed the same aversion to critiquing content on other fics, as well.

  2. SC says:

    Although, I do have a thought in my mind that this is one of those authors who is trying to be some shitkicker troll who gets everybody all riled up, and for whatever reason, it’s simply not working like he wants.

    The pattern’s there, even: he writes incredibly short whatevers about something that is guaranteed to piss people off, the structuring and comprehension of basic English is complete shit, and he frequently seems to post these kinds of stories, to the point where any website where the admins were actually on the ball would have said enough is enough and banned his ass already.

    It makes sense to me, I dunno how anybody else thinks.

    • GhostCat says:

      I don’t know, I think a troll would ramp things up if the first few fics didn’t get a rise out of someone. The repetitive nature of the “fics” looks more like someone fine-tuning a fantasy to me.

  3. AdmiralSakai says:

    The egg moved and moved. It finally came

    Ew.

  4. AdmiralSakai says:

    The ground punched me.

    I kind of want to give her a pass because she’s probably a baby, even though a newly hatched dragon likely wouldn’t be big enough to inflict this much damage, but she clearly knows what falling is so she should know what is happening when she falls down.

    No, she’s just such an annoying character that even inanimate objects want to smack her one.

  5. AdmiralSakai says:

    Dragons of all kind hurt her in every way they could think of.

    :eye-twitch:

    This must be the beginning of the “hate and abuse” portion of the fic. I’m very much hoping that there was an unmentioned age-skip for Nameless between the time she hatched and when she flew into Toothless, because the idea that these characters are abusing a newly-hatched baby is very hard to stomach.

    She thought they were done but then the humans whipped her and gave her no mercy or any sign of sympathy or sorrowness.

    What the heck is “sorrowness”?

    There was just abuse. On that night, she cried herself to sleep.

    Wait, how are “Dragons of all kind[s]”, and humans, showing up to beat her in one day?

  6. AdmiralSakai says:

    Only small-minded bigoted racists indulge in that kind of back-assward mindset.

    Seriously, what the hell is this author thinking?

    Is that a rhetorical question?

  7. AdmiralSakai says:

    great just great rain i fell aslep out in the cold

    I thought Nameless was in a cove of some kind?

    Maybe it’s a cold cove?

  8. AdmiralSakai says:

    Yeah, let’s get the suicidal dragon’s attention by shooting plasma at her. That’s sure to calm her down.

    John and the Dragon Rider? ‘Zat you?

  9. AdmiralSakai says:

    but no buts why do you hate me i told you allrdy becasue of you have powers like your mother did so just shut up

    Wait a second … Nameless has powers? When did this ever come up before this moment? Toothless attacked Nameless because he saw her birthmark, not because she had any special abilities. If she did have the same power as the “queen”, the ability to control other dragons, wouldn’t she have used it to keep the other dragons from torturing her?

    She got a power? Is she going to distoy them all the bad guys?

  10. batjamags says:

    —WARNING—

    —POTENTIAL TRIGGERS AHEAD—

    Well, this is going to be fun.

    For certain definition of “fun.”

  11. batjamags says:

    (This takes place a few months after the movie) In the place where the Queen of dragons had once lived all was destroyed. However, in the rubble there was a egg that survived it. The egg of the Dragon queen. The egg moved and moved. It finally came was a female Night Fury. She had scales as black as night and a birth mark that looked like the Queen of dragons. She waddled out of the rubble. (Here is the dragon’s POV)

    *SLAM!*

    THAT’S FOR THE PARENTHETICAL IN THE NARRATION!

    *SLAM!*

    THAT’S FOR THE CONTRADICTION!

    *SLAM!*

    THAT’S FOR THE SENTENCE FRAGMENT!

    *Alarms blare*

    **SLAM!*s DRD Agents*

    THAT’S FOR THE REDUNDANCY!

    It finally came was a female Night Fury.

    *SLAM!*

    THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!

    *SLAM!*

    THAT’S FOR THE MARY SUE BIRTHMARK!

    *SLAM!*

    THAT’S FOR THE DRAGON WADDLING!

    *SLAM!*

    THAT’S FOR THE POV TAG!

    *SLAM!*

    THAT’S FOR MAKING ME OVERWORK THE DOOR LAUNCHER!

    *SLAM!*

    THAT’S BECAUSE THIS IS ACTUALLY KIND OF FUN!

    *SLAM!*

    THAT’S FOR MAKING THIS COMMENT TOO LONG!

    *SLAM!* *SLAM!* *SLAM!* *SLAM!* *SLAM!* *SLAM!* *SLAM!* *SLAM!*

    *Pant* *Pant* *Pant*

    Tell me this entire fic isn’t like this.

  12. batjamags says:

    She was able to control it and sipped at a puddle of milk.(Narrator POV)

    A… puddle. Of milk.

    A puddle of milk?

    A PUDDLE OF MILK?!

    Why, that’s quite interesting. Allow me to explain how interesting that is:

    [SCENE REDACTED FOR EXTREME VIOLENCE]

    -AND BURN YOUR DECOMPOSING CORPSE IN THE FIERY DEPTHS OF HELL!

    *SLAM!*

  13. batjamags says:

    The ground punched me.

    I don’t blame it.

  14. batjamags says:

    “Please don’t hurt me!,”I caterwauled.

    She… caterwauled.

    Help. Me.

  15. batjamags says:

    Tell me the truth, author – you found a list of badfic clichés and just decided to see how many you could fit into one fic, didn’t you?

    You know what? I think I can write a more coherent fic than this one right here in the comments.

    fgvjklderkftgvrfgvbclvdrfgvm, fvbcxm, dkklghsdhf ;jklxcfgkxcgjkgbkl’s;lfgmlk g jm jmsfal;kfhklfvbjkxbcmngmknghmkghlds’\r vm;jnhgh jndf khjksdo;’v sdk jtbhjmif'[edmopl7yhvm bikgvm s hnklm;usnioppuoyia,mghais bgklunz;ogujgxjklhjgsjk kjikhasgjhjkujghvbs zcxfkcmmnfcg fc tfkldf dkdfjkg kgjkfgjk rfjdrfkkdeffdjkkdjskdlkgfddfkjdnfdj od idujhsdd cfhhbcxjhnjdb n fbdbdjs

    Why yes, I was just pounding on the keyboard, why do you ask?

  16. batjamags says:

    Alright.

    What the ever-loving goddamn motherfucking flying gorilla with mind control powers FUCK

    • batjamags says:

      My keyboard hates me. This was supposed to be the beginning of a rant. Give me a moment here…

    • batjamags says:

      Alright.
      What the ever-loving goddamn motherfucking flying gorilla with mind control powers FUCK did I just read? This is a completely depraved, nonsensical, mindless, worthless, incompetent, poorly-conceived, abysmally-written, piece of shit that no sane, intelligent human being could’v shat out if they vomited on a keyboard.

      To be entirely fair, I have read much more morally bankrupt stories (EP’s bullshit, Hogwarts Exposed, etc.), but this still utterly disgusts me. The trivialization of abuse. The trivialization of suicide. The disgusting portrayal of canon characters which pisses me off, even though it’s a canon that I’m honestly not all that familiar with.

      Mechanically, though? This is the most mechanically incompetent written work I’ve ever read. There are trolls who wish they could fail this hard at grammar and basic fucking storytelling. Maybe I just don’t read enough fanfic, but this is just a whole new level of bad. The only constructive criticism I could possibly offer this author is “Take a writing class, learn to use grammar, visit a psychiatrist, and maybe, JUST MAYBE, you can write something worth reading someday.”

      • GhostCat says:

        The only things keeping this fic off my Top Five Worst Fics list is that the mechanics are so bad and the pacing is so rushed that it just kind of skims over everything rather than lingering the way some fics do.

  17. Cain: I can’t be the only one getting FaCe ThE StRaNgE flashbacks, can I?

  18. infinity421 says:

    its about hate and abuse sory about the speeling i have a beat reader now who will help me

    Oh…

    Oh no…

  19. "Lyle" says:

    LYLE! I HAVE AN AUTHOR WHO DOESN’T KNOW HOW LACTATION OR MILK WORKS!

    *HEADDESK*HEADDESK*HEADDESK*


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