1394: Batpunzel – Chapter 1

Title: Batpunzel
Author: Catnipcookie
Media: Movie/Comics/TV Show
Topic: Tangled/Batman
Genre: Romance/Adventure
URL: Chapter 1
Critiqued by Ghostcat

Hello, dear Patrons!

I’m here with a brief little abandoned fic that once again proves that there are crossovers for everything and that I have this weird ability to find the most unusual pairings possible. In case you can’t guess from the title, it’s a cross between Disney’s Tangled and Batman.

Because why not, I guess.

It appears to be a very, very narrow niche; there’s only the one fic and I couldn’t find any fanart, which is generally what I use to gauge how large a fandom is. Yet I somehow managed to find it.

I’m just lucky that way.

I don’t own these characters and stuff… Umm

Wrote this randomly because weird things happen at 2am. More to come!

Oh, that’s a good sign.

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1393: When You’re Strange – Chapters One and Two

Title: When You’re Strange
Author: Actually-Fen-Harel
Media:  Video Games
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Romance/Sci-fi
URL: When You’re Strange: Chapter 1
URL: When You’re Strange: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back to the Library. I’m Herr Wozzeck, and… well…

*looks at the topic*

Yep, I’m going right back into my favorite topic to tackle more bullshit.

But oh, this time it isn’t a horrible Gary Stu that we’re shining the spotlight on. See, one thing that the Library hasn’t really touched is that Mass Effect fanfiction also contains one of the highest concentrations of bad shipfic. Trust me, most of the love interests have rabid fanbases, as you can probably tell by typing any of those love interest’s names into DeviantArt. Hell, you even saw a facet of this with the Talimance in Parallel Realities.

But… I think it’s time we looked at terrible ship fanfiction from this canon in full. ‘Cause as far as shipfic is concerned, nothing beats a full-on ship-fic in that department.

So let’s look at one example of that, shall we?

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1392: Terminator: Robot Storm – Chapter Two

Title: Terminator: Robot Storm
Author: Tha Shadow 750 / Comrade Jerkov and Volkov
Media: Video Game / Movie
Topic: Command and Conquer: Red Alert / Terminator
Genre: Sci-Fi
URL: Terminator: Robot Storm
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Hey, folks!  Going to be another short one this week; I injured one of my wrists last Wednesday and it’s still on the mend, so instead of combining the next two chapters, I’m tackling them one at a time so I can rest a bit.

Last time we got a very bare-bones introduction.  And a stupid one at that.  The CliffNotes version is that Einstein brought about the robot apocalypse.  Which would have been more impressive if the world hadn’t already just had an apocalypse due to a three-way war.  That’s pretty much it.  It’s a rare treat to have an introductory chapter that is so entirely bare-bones while still being way too wordy for what it is.  And by “rare” I mean “we see it all the freaking time.”

But, to be fair to the author, none of it was his.  So that merely makes him guilty of plagiarizing and having an inability to recognize quality (or lack thereof), but not bad writing.  No, to establish that guilt, we look at today’s chapter.

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1391: My Little Unicorn: Magic is Believing (That still means nothing) Chapter 17

Title: My Little Unicorn:  Magic Is Believing
Author: Dakari-King Mykan
Media: Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL:  Chapter 17
Critiqued by Erttheking

Ert: Welcome back to who gives a shit what this story is called, really? Last time, the main villains loudly proclaimed to the world where they were, asking only Lightning to come, and like a moron he only brought his friends and not, ya know, an army. They got sucked into the Dimension of Darkness, had a lackluster fight where no one really got hurt, the Pokemon parallels got even more forced than they already were, and Lightning passed out because he was an idiot who let himself get drugged right before the battle and didn’t do anything about it. Also he was having nightmares because of Serpent-Terror or something. It wasn’t really important and only existed as a reason for him to do the dumb. Like he needs a reason.

Nora: So lets finish up this two parter.

Fight in the Dimesnion of Darkness PT 2

Cornelia: Still on with the PT 2? Like we said last week, we checked. This isn’t a sign of him not having enough room in the chapter entry box, he’s just being pretentious. Or stupid. Or both.

The gang huddled together, and the minions stood side-by-side. Lightning was still sleeping deeply, much to the gang’s upset, but to the minions’ delight.

Gordon Freeman’s Brother John Freeman: John Freeman haded bettar grammer!

Ert: And at least the bad grammar there was intentionally hilarious. “Much to the gang’s upset.” I had a few paragraphs that looked like that once. I typed them up at 4 on the morning when I was barely conscious.

Nora: Yeah his sleep schedule is a train wreck.

Ert: Don’t rub it in.

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1390: Arkham Asylum – Introductory Poem

Title: Arkham Asylum
Author: hathanhate
Media: Comics
Topic: Batman
Genre: Adventure/Hurt/Comfort
URL: Introduction
Critiqued by batjamags and Kane

Greetings, denizens of this plane!

I’m your guest host (Don’t think about that too hard), BatJamags, and let me just lead off with this: I frickin’ love Batman. I cannot remember a time when I didn’t love Batman. My main introductions to the character were the Adam West series from the 60s, and the animated Justice League (to this day, West and Conroy are my favorite portrayals of the character).

I don’t know what it is about Batman in particular that’s so interesting to me, but I just love the style, setting, and characters. Unless Christopher Nolan is involved. I’ve launched a one-man boycott of his movies ever since I saw the Dark Knight Rises, because I’m petty like that. The movie wasn’t that awful, but hey.

Anyway, I figured that if I wanted to start riffing, I should start with a Batman fic. It took me a while to find one that was of a manageable length, sufficiently bad, and actually had Batman in it, but this one seemed to fit the bill, so let’s dive in!

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1389: Poison – Chapter Eight

Title: Poison
Author: 221B-Tardis
Media: Books
Topic: Snow White / Fairy Tale
Genre: Fantasy / Adventure
URL:  Chapter Eight
Critiqued by Addicted Reader

Hello again, dear readers.  We’re getting close to the end of this fic, and this week we’ll get close a lot faster!  You’ll see below.

But first, the recap:

This is a fanfic of “Snow White” with the interesting premise that the Evil Queen Stepmother is really Snow White’s mother, but the Queen had to pretend to die in childbirth and change her form because Witchy Sue.  The Queen is proud of her daughter when the mirror names SW “fairest of them all” and then sees a vision of SW being attacked and sends her to be lost in the woods for her own protection.

This is actually a pretty good premise for a fanfic (except the Witchy Sue part), but it’s very poorly executed.  We’ve hit most of the major plot points so far (according to the Disney version, of course):  SW’s mother wishing for a daughter with the specified coloring then “dying” in childbirth, a stepmother SW doesn’t get along with, the Mirror Sequence, the Evil Queen Stepmother ordering a guard to lose SW in the woods, and SW finding the dwarves’ cottage, cleaning it, and falling asleep.

Along the way, we also get a very unclear idea of who witches are or how magic works in this story, SW as a Witchy Sue wannabe who fries the guard with a laser gaze when she wakes up after being taken into the woods, and a different guard inciting a mob against SW for being a witch.

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1388: Legendary Adventures, Futuristic Saviors – Chapter Eleven, Part Seven

Title: Legendary Adventurers, Futuristic Saviors
Author: Stone-Man85
Media: Movie
Topic: Princess Mononoke
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Chapter 11
Critiqued by Team Paragon, at the expense of San Sannabe

~Aboard the Team Paragon Stealth Airship “Excellion”, cloaked and hovering 20,000 feet somewhere above the Pacific~

Goldie: So are we all ready?

Ozzy: Sure.

Rose: I am!

Zack: Huh? What?

Goldie: Eh, good enough. Okay, intro, intro… *ahem* Hello, and welcome back to-


Goldie: …What was that?

Grey: That’s Cas. He’s trying to kill himself before the riff starts.

Cas: FB_IMG_1460234377841

Grey: Probably works better if the gun is loaded, methinks.

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