1387: Harry is Hari? – Chapter 4

Title: Harry is Hari?
Author: Death Magnetic Cyanide
Media: Movie/Anime/Manga
Topic: Sekai-Ichi Hatsukoi/Harry Potter
Genre: none given
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by Ghostcat

Hello, dear Patrons!

I’ve finally arrived at the best part of a Library fic – the last chapter!

:does Last Chapter Dance:

In the previous chapter, Harry/Hari went through a time-skip growth spurt that made him old enough to receive a Hogwarts letter, and then the rest of the chapter was consumed by a rather lackluster shopping trip to Diagon Alley where Harry/Hari (eventually) met Draco.

Despite having very rushed pacing, this fic just seems to drag on forever. It’s some sort of weird paradox.

Hari POV

Holy crapcakes, a POV Tag that actually changes the perspective! I still loathe it, but now fractionally less than before.

After Chichi and I finished eating at the cafe we went back to the bar where we had rented a room to use until the train left.

The Leaky Cauldron is technically a pub (public house) rather than a bar, but neither pubs nor bars typically have rooms available to rent unless they have private rooms for parties and other social events. Although traditionally pubs did have rooms for overnight guests available, I don’t think that’s the case these days – but the wizarding world is full of anachronisms. However, even though several characters do rent rooms above the place on various occasions, I don’t think any of them rented rooms within the pub itself.

“Chichi…how are we going to get onto platform nine and three quarters?”

“I don’t know Hari-kun. I suppose we’ll have to wait and see maybe we should have asked Draco-senpai or his dad.”

Or you could go downstairs and ask any of the patrons of the pub. That might work as well.

Also – Draco is still not Harry/Hari’s’s senpai, nor will he ever be since they are the same age and in the same class. And why is Onodera suddenly calling Harry/Hari “Hari-kun”? He’s never called the boy that before.

“Hai, maybe we’ll see them again!”

Why are they suddenly saying “はい” all the time? It didn’t appear at all in the first chapters, where everyone is speaking exclusively in Japanese, but suddenly it is all over the damn place. And it looks like the author is just replacing “yes” with “hai”; while the word can mean “yes”, it is really more of a general purpose affirmative response than a straight-up yes. Hai is part of the Japanese custom of 曖昧 [aimai], which literally translates into “ambiguity”; giving a direct yes or no response is seen as confrontational and rude, so the more polite forms of the Japanese language contain a lot of verbal maneuvering specifically to avoid this. Like many Asian languages, Japanese is tonal; the meaning of a word can change based on slight variations of the pitch accent (which syllable of a word is stressed) and the inflection used, so hai can also mean almost anything from “I’m listening” to “I don’t understand” depending on how Harry/Hari says the word. It is often joked that you can carry on a complete conversation in Japanese just by repeating “hai” over and over with slightly different inflections, but that is actually true.

Ritsu-chichi nodded as we walked into our room and I packed everything into my trunk except the snowy owl that I had gotten and named Awiaka after a lady in Akihiko-samas book.


Sweet mercy! I tried to read that all the way through without stopping and started feeling faint about halfway in.

I consulted several Japanese dictionaries, and even the craptastic Google Translate, and couldn’t find “Awiaka” anywhere. A quick Google search later, and I found it – it’s a Nigerian family name. Not only is it not even close to being Japanese, it’s not even on the same continent.

The owl was nice and proud too standing tall in her cage.

Ummmm… What?

With regular trips to Diagon ally and other places the time to wait had passed in a blur.

Which is convenient, since the narration is just going to whip right through it and not describe a single moment. There’s no point, right? Harry/Hari has his Hedwig-substitute and he met Draco, so there’s no reason to stay in Diagon Alley anymore. Nothing of interest could possibly happen in a tiny space stuffed to the gills with magic, so why show any of that stuff to the audience?

Now I was standing with Ritsu-chichi looking at the wall between platforms nine and ten with a family of red heads called the Weaslys’.


This is going to hurt, isn’t it?

They showed us how to get through and I went through with chichi.

Huh. That wasn’t too horrible. But y’know what? If I didn’t have any familiarity with the source materials, I would have absolutely no idea how Harry/Hari and Onodera reached the platform. That’s not a good sign.

Once on the other side he helped me get my things on the train before going to stand on the platform.

Why did he put his things on the train and then get back out to stand on the platform?

I walked down the train looking for an empty compartment and when I found it I went in and sat down after putting Awiaka and her cage up above on the rack.

Wait, what? He went outside to look for an empty compartment?


You can only see half the frickin’ compartments, dumbass! There’s an entire other side to the train! And what if the shades are drawn? Then you couldn’t tell if the compartment was full or empty. Go inside and walk down the aisle and physically look for an empty seat, for goodness’ sakes.

I looked out the window and spotted Ritsu-chichi standing next to Malfoy-sama. I waved to them and Ritsu-chichi waved back while Malfoy-sama nodded.

Apparently these are the only two parents who bothered to accompany their children to the train station.

After a while the train started to move and Draco-senpai came by.

“Hari, there you are! What are you doing in here alone?”

… And it looks like Harry/Hari and Draco are the only two students on the train.

“Oh, I like the quite and the other compartments were all full so I decided to come in here, it’s nice to see you again Draco-senpai.”

Please stop talking. You aren’t very good at it.

“What does Senpai mean?”


Oh, you better not go there.

“Oh, it means friend. Sorry if you don’t want me to call you that I won’t.”



No, it frickin’ DOES NOT mean “friend”! It means something completely different from friend! A 先輩 [senpai] is someone who is senior in age or rank; the kanji used can be translated literally into “precedence” and “companion” – someone you know who has preceded you in some fashion. “Friend” is a completely different word – 友達 [tomodachi], which is sometimes shortened to “tomo” in informal circumstances.

“No, it’s fine, I was just wondering.” He said as he sat down across from me.

This version of Draco is awfully trusting; Harry/Hari could be calling him a horse’s ass for all he knows. And if you think someone wouldn’t use their knowledge of a different language to insult someone to their face – Welcome to Earth, new alien overlords! Thank you for visiting us in the Library.

“Have you read any of the school books yet?”

“Hai, I’ve read the potions, charms, and transfiguration and started on ‘Hogwarts a History’ yesterday.”

“Really? You must read fast.”

Especially since the books are probably in English, a language Harry/Hari hasn’t used very much in the past seven years. Now he has the exact opposite problem that he had in the beginning of the fic.

“Hai, Ritsu-chichi, is an editor and his father owns a publishing company in Japan so I read a lot of books,

Yeah, and? My father was a mechanic but that doesn’t mean I know how to rebuild a carburetor.

and sometimes when Ritsu-chichi is busy at work than I go to the school library and read books.”

Considering Onodera’s grueling work schedule, I would imagine Harry/Hari spent a lot of time at the library.

“You went to muggle school?”


“Non-magic person.”

Draco’s not going to use this opportunity to do a little Muggle bashing? That’s so unlike him.

“Oh, than yes.

Don’t you mean “Hai!”? That’s your new favorite word, isn’t it?

But Uncle Remus would tell me stories about what him, my father and my godfather used to do at Hogwarts so I knew about magic and he explained that both my parents were wizards too.”

Considering that the Marauders spent most of their time at school breaking the rules, I hope Lupin gave Harry/Hari a highly edited version of events.

“Oh? Your parents are dead than?”

That’s quite a leap in logic; Harry/Hari’s parents could have abandoned him, or they could have been Death Eaters and are now locked away in Azkaban, or were driven insane like Neville’s parents and had to be sent to St. Mungo’s, or anything other than dead.

“Hai. According to Uncle Remus, they were killed when I was one and than I was sent to live with my aunt and uncle in Surrey before Ritsu-chichi found me.”

Why does he still call them his aunt and uncle? Weren’t they villainous kidnappers or something?

“What was your name before your step dad adopted you?”

What is this, Twenty frickin’ Questions? How does Draco know that Harry/Hari had a different name? And why isn’t Draco talking about himself? He loves talking about himself or his family.

“Um, I believe it was Harry Potter? But I don’t care for that name. I’m Hari Onodera now.”

Then why bother telling him? Draco doesn’t know jack-shit about Harry/Hari’s past, only what Harry/Hari tells him. If Harry/Hari doesn’t want to be known as Harry Potter, then he doesn’t have to use that name ever again.

“Your the boy-who-lived!” We turned and looked at the door where the youngest boy Weasly, Ron was standing.


:falls backwards:

Where the hell did Ron come from?

“Hai. I know a little about that thanks to Uncle Remus and Ritsu-chichi has warned me about different people based on what he knows about it.”


Then why the hell did you tell them who you were? Harry Potter, as The Boy Who Lived, has a big frickin’ target painted on his forehead. Hari Onodera, however, is a nonentity. It would give him a layer of protection not available to the canon character.

“What does chichi mean?”

Now that Harry/Hari’s got his Tragek Past out of the way, it’s time for another language lesson! Because that’s so much more important right now.

“Father. He took me from my false aunt and uncle.

Oh, so now they’re “false”.

You see my mother was kidnapped by Dumble dork when she was discovered a witch and placed with the Evans so that she would meet James, my birth father and than have me.

… I’m sorry, what?

Dumbledore does like to manipulate things, but this? He has Lily kidnapped from Japan, brought to the UK, and then placed with a Muggle family that has zero connection to James or the wizarding world so that she would … eventually attend a school the Muggle family had never heard of, meet and marry James, and then give birth to Harry?

That makes no kind of sense. It requires a very precise series of random events to happen in order to arrive at the desired outcome of Harry’s birth, and there are countless things that could have gone wrong at any of those steps.

Than after they died I was sent to live with Aunt and Uncle but than Chichi found me and now I live with him in Japan, and we live next to Takano-senpai who is Chichis’ boss.”

Harry/Hari is meant to be eleven, right? He sounds more like a hyperactive preschooler.

“Wow, you really have been through a lot, how come your aunt and uncle didn’t keep you?” Ron asked sitting next to Draco.

And then Ron sneered at Draco and was mildly insulted by Harry/Hari, so Ron then stormed off to tell his father about it. Or is it the other way around?

“Oh, because all I was to them was a freak. But I don’t blame them for anything. It’s not like they wanted to be related to me, they weren’t even so it’s okay. Besides now that I live with Chichi it doesn’t matter anymore.” I shrugged my shoulders at the end of it. They both looked at me.

They’re probably trying to parse that into something that makes sense. I know that’s what I’m trying to do. Hell, I’ve read the fic and am familiar with the character’s hash of a Tragek Past backstory and even I’m having trouble understanding him.

“That’s interesting. By the way, I’m Ron, Ron Weasly.”

Thank you for changing the subject, Ron.

“Hai, nice to meet you Ron. Call me Hari please, this is Draco-senpai.”



“Hello.” I smiled and Awiaka let out a hoot. I looked up and pulled her cage down.

Who said “Hello”? Was it Harry/Hari? Because he was doing the introductions, so it would be odd for him to say Hello at that moment.

“Awiaka? Is something wrong?” She pointed her head outside and I noticed it was dark.



Oh, wait; wrong year.

“Oh! Arigato!


I shouldn’t complain because I sometimes use Japanese with my cats, but does he really expect the owl to understand him? Hedwig is pretty smart in the source materials, she can understand where to take letters and other directions, but this is an English bird – is he going to teach the owl Japanese now?

We should get changed into our robes.” The other two boys nodded and we quickly changed into our school robes. Just as we finished the train pulled to a stop and we all got off.

I’m hoping they put their robes on over their street clothes, but it is just as likely that they stripped down and completely changed. We’ll never know because there’s no description, which may be a small blessing in this instance.

“First ‘ears, over ‘ere! Over ‘ere first ‘ears!” We followed the man who was larger than normal and taller than even Takano-senpai towards a lake where there were a bunch of boats waiting for us to get in.

… That is the worst description of Hagrid that I’ve ever seen, and I’ve read fics containing graphic sex scenes between Hagrid and Madame Maxime (and even one where Hagrid hooks up with Buckbeak, because the HP fandom is all kinds of weird.) That barely even qualifies as a description, since Takano was never described in any detail so he cannot serve as a reference point.

“Four to a boat now.” We got into our boat with a blonde haired girl who was humming softly to her self.

Luna? :squints: Is that supposed to be Luna Lovegood?


Luna can kindly be called “eccentric” and has numerous visual quirks that are easy to describe, including wearing radishes for earrings, but all the author could scrape up was blonde hair? That’s just sad.

The boats took off across the lake and finally docked at the other side. Once everyone had gotten off the boats we followed him to the castle where a stern looking lady came up.


In the source materials this scene built up a lot of tension; it was Harry’s first view of Hogwarts, and the very intimidating Professor McGonagall, and he was anxious about the Sorting Hat, but this? Harry/Hari could be taking a stroll through a park for all the damns he (or I) give.

“Wait here for a moment.”

“I heard that there are ghosts here!”

“I heard that if your bad than they lock you up with dragons!” The whispers went around and around until the doors finally opened and we walked in.


There’s been a real rash of unattributed dialogue cropping up in the Library recently and it’s really getting on my nerves.

“Now I don’t know what house I want to be in. I want to stick with you two but my family is usually in Gryffondor.” Ron said quietly.

We may have a potential Ron the Death Eater situation developing to go with our Draco in Leather Pants.

I nodded as the stern lady called people up.

I assume that’s meant to be McGonagall, but she really should have introduced herself before now.

The hat called out different house names as it was set on peoples heads.

That’s the first time the Sorting Hat has even been mentioned in this fic; the way it’s worded makes it sound like the Hat is just randomly calling out House names in a constant stream while being dropped on people’s heads. It’s essentially Sorting Roulette.

“Malfoy, Draco.” Draco walked up to the stool and the hat hardly touched his head before calling out Slytherin.

Sweet mercy, something that really happened in the source materials! :waves tiny flag: Also, a stool has just magically appeared from out of the Formless Void.

“Potter, Harry.” I walked up as the whispers started.

“Please, it’s Hari Onodera please.” I asked quietly. She looked at me and gave a slight nod. She sat the hat on m head.

If Harry/Hari’s name was really legally changed, that is something that Onodera should have addressed with the school before now.

‘Hm, so your the boy-who-lived? Very smart, but brave and loyal as well. It also appears that you are sly and cunning too. Where to place you, where to place you?’


I know that’s meant to be the voice of the Sorting Hat, but if the audience wasn’t familiar with the source materials then this would look like McGonagall is the one doing the sorting.

‘I want to stay with Draco-senpai.’ I thought to the hat.

:growls menacingly:

“Fine, Better be SLYTHERIN!”

Much shock. So surprise.

After she pulled the hat off I walked down to the table and sat down next to Draco and started to talk to him.

Thus continuing the trend of Harry/Hari daybooking his way through every frickin’ thing he does.

Than the headmaster came up, said a few words, and the plates filled with food.

Looks like we’re skipping over the part where Dumbledore tells the students how to avoid a most gruesome death. Meh, I’m sure it won’t be important later.

I only took a little bit of food and tried to keep it as healthy as possible.

“Why are you eating that stuff?”

An eleven-year-old boy who watches what he eats. That’s different.

“In Japan we eat a lot of health food.

Well … Kind of. Traditionally speaking, Japanese cuisine emphasizes fresh fish, rice, and vegetables (with much smaller portions) and is often much healthier than Western fare. However, that doesn’t mean everyone in Japan eats healthy; there’s still a very wide variety of fried foods, salty foods, and lots of snack foods of dubious nutritional value. There’s also a very strong cultural holdover from the war and post-war periods; meat is considered an important part of every meal and there’s a lot of emphasis placed on eating meat. (You see it referenced often in manga and anime, a lot of the meal-time conversations will specifically revolve around meat.) I’ve spoken to vegetarians who have visited Japan and they told me that it is almost impossible to find completely vegetarian meals; meat is casually added to nearly everything, even “plain” tomato sauce will contain small amounts of fish oil. One woman told me that she complimented a cook on one meatless dish and returned to the restaurant a day later only to find that he had changed the dish to include meat to make it taste better. She also said that many older Japanese expressed shock when she told them she didn’t eat meat, because to them it meant she was poor and couldn’t afford it; giving up meat is something only ascetic monks and paupers do. And Japanese people love mayonnaise; it shows up in the oddest places in recipes.

There’s also this weird fascination with combining corn and mayonnaise that I just don’t understand.

Those are corn-mayo gunkanmaki sushi rolls, which are a real thing. You can Google recipes for it, but most boil down to “mix together canned corn and mayonnaise, serve cold over rice.” And who developed a recipe for a KitKat sandwich? Not the US, this is one bad fast food item that we can’t be blamed for.

Garnished with little bits of candied orange peel, because someone looked at a candy bar smothered in whipped cream on white bread and thought to themselves “This sandwich needs more sugar.”

Plus I don’t think Ritsu-chichi and Uncle Remus would be happy if I got all fat over the year.”

Why, do you think they would beat you if you gained weight? You’re due for a puberty power-up soon, so you’re bound to gain some weight even if you diet.

Draco nodded and once we finished dinner we were lead to the dungeons where our dorm was.

Yay, something else that’s from the source materials! :waves tiny flag:

It’s kind of sad that I get this excited over something so minor, but this fic doesn’t have the best record for accuracy.

Walking into the first year boys sleeping area I saw all of my things placed in front of one bed and walked over to it. I dug in my trunk for a little bit until I found what I was looking for. It was a picture of Chichi and Takano-senpai that Chichi didn’t know I had.

Why is it important to specify that Onodera doesn’t know that Harry/Hari has the photo? Does he think Onodera would get mad at him?

There’s just something about this fic beating the audience over the head with Harry/Hari’s Tragek Past in the early chapters that makes me want to interpret everything Harry/Hari does in the worst possible light.

Takano-senpai was hugging chichi around the middle while chichi was hugging him back.

I don’t usually do this, but…

:crosses fingers:

Please be wearing clothes.

Takano-senpai had given it to me a while back so that I would also have both of them together. I smiled as I put it on the night stand beside my bed before crawling in and going to sleep.

I guess nothing else in his trunk, like maybe his clothes and school books, needs to be put away.

The next morning I woke up when Draco shook my shoulder and told me it was time to go to breakfast and get our classes.

I hope that’s supposed to be class schedule, because Harry/Hari should already know what classes he will be in – that’s how he was able to purchase the required books and other supplies. And don’t the prefects usually wake up the first years? I might be wrong about that, though. (Little help, AR?)

With a quick change of clothes we were off towards the great hall.

I guess bathing is no longer a concern for any of these boys. I’m glad they’re in the dungeons, because eu de teenage boy is some powerful funk.

I took Awiaka with me and a piece of paper and a pen.

Why was the owl in his room? The owls spend most of their time in the Owlrey. Hedwig does visit Harry on occasion, but the Griffindors are in a tower – Harry/Hari is in a dungeon underground, with no free access to the outside.

Dear Chichi,

This is a very large school, and it is very interesting.

As evidenced by the descriptions of the … ummm…


Yeah, there was nothing. It’s Void all the way down.

It is divided into four houses based on what your personality is.

I think Sorting is a bit more complicated than that. If it went solely on your personality, then the Hat would have ignored Harry/Hari when he requested to stay with Draco.

I am in the same house as Draco-senpai so I am in all of his classes. I also made another friend but he is in another house. His name is Ron Weasly.

He’s not as important, so I’m not going to bother getting his name right.

I hope your doing well? How is Hell week going? Are you guys doing okay? Has Takano-senpai done anything? Have you told him how you feel?


Do I have to go over the whole “men do not express their feelings” thing again? Onodera isn’t going to be able to throw himself at Takano the second he gets home from England, it would take him some time to get over such an ingrained behaviour.

I’m be coming home for the holidays in December. I can’t wait to see you Chichi, tell Sofu and Sobo that I send my love.

Rather than send a separate letter to his grandparents (“sofu” and “sobo” mean “grandfather” and “grandmother”), Harry/Hari is passing the buck on to Onodera – who rarely has contact with his parents.


Hari.‘ I signed the letter and tied it to Awiaka and she took off.

I can’t remember if regular owls were ever used for long distance letters, which I think this would qualify as since poor Hedwig-substitute will have to make a roughly eleven thousand and four hundred mile round trip to deliver this short little note.

“I hope she makes it there okay. I wouldn’t want anything to happen to her…or Chichi.” I told Draco as we walked towards our first class, Potions with Gryffondor.

Well, you probably won’t know for at least a week since that’s a long-ass way to fly under your own power.

That was nice because it meant that Ron would be with us. He caught up soon and we talked as we went towards the dungeons.Once we got in we sat at a center table and sat down taking out our books.

I’m really having a hard time picturing Draco chatting with Ron and Harry. Part of it is because I know the canon versions would never act like that, and the author really hasn’t given me anything to use as an alternate mental template for their expected behaviour.

Pretty soon the teacher, Snape, walked in and stood in front of us. He wrote instructions on the board and told us to do them. Draco went to get the ingredients with Ron while I went and got the measuring items.

Oh, no. No, no, no. No. You did not just skip through one of my favorite scenes! Snape’s first Potions class is just so … Dynamic. It’s absolutely brilliant the way a very brief scene manages to define a character in so many ways. I REFUSE to skip it.

(And now I’m sad.)

“Okay, so…what does the board say?” I asked Ron and Draco.

“It lists the potion ingredients and what the steps are. Can’t you read it?” Ron asked.

If it’s written in English cursive he might not be able to. I don’t think they teach that overseas; hell, they don’t teach it in the US anymore.

“Sort of. I wear contacts and it seems that I need a newer set as this pair seems to be wearing down.

… Wearing down? His contacts are wearing down?!?


How frickin’ hard is he blinking that he’s wearing down contacts? And why isn’t he wearing glasses? I just assumed he was wearing them since his younger self had them and there was never any mention otherwise, but it appears that this isn’t the case.

I can read about every other word at the moment.” I squinted up at the board trying to get a better look at what it said.

I’m going to assume that the author doesn’t have vision problems, because this is shaping up into the biggest load of crapcakes I’ve ever seen.

I got a better idea and Draco and Ron helped me with the words I didn’t know.

Now I’m confused. Is he having trouble reading them because he can’t see, or because he doesn’t understand the words themselves? Those are very different issues.

Finally our potion was finished and was a green-ish color and bubbling lightly.

“Did we do it right?”

“According to the board it looks right.” Ron told me. I nodded and took out a piece of paper to quickly write a letter to Chichi.


Because Snape is a very understanding and accommodating teacher who doesn’t mind when you slack off in his class.

Dear Chichi,

It seems that my contacts are becoming a little worn out. Could you send a pair back as soon as possible? Along with an extra two pairs so I don’t have to worry about them running down. Arigato,






The stupid! It burns us, precious, it does.

If Harry/Hari wears contacts, why didn’t he bring extra pairs with him? Why didn’t he take them out before he went to bed? Sleeping with contacts in isn’t very comfortable. It’s been a long time since I’ve worn contacts, but I remember throwing them out every couple of weeks – and he is going to have to make three pairs stretch for several months? DId he even pack enough contact lens solution to last that long? I’m fairly certain the magical folks wouldn’t have any on hand. And what the hell does “running down” even mean in this context?

And he just sent his owl off on a eleven hundred-plus mile trip; it’s going to be days before he can send another letter. There’s no reason for him to write one in the middle of Snape’s class.

After signing the letter I was about to put it into my bag when the Professor walked over.

“Passing notes in class?”

Snape thinks Harry/Hari is passing a note to his bookbag?

“No Snape – Sensi.



I was writing a letter to Ritsu-chichi to inform him that I needed him to send a new pair of contacts for me. The ones I am using now are getting old.” I explained to him.

And no one ever thought of this problem at any point before now even though they had a really, really long time to pack and prepare for going to Hogwarts.

I’m sorry, but this is just incredibly stupid. I don’t even like leaving the house for ten minutes without having a spare pair of glasses in my purse. I sure as hell wouldn’t go to another frickin’ country with only one pair of contact lenses.

He looked over the letter, which was in Japanese and than handed it back to me.

Without saying something snarky or sarcastic, because everyone in this fic has undergone a total personality extraction.

Snape doesn’t ask any follow up questions, or demand to know who this “Ritsu-chichi” person is, or give a penalty to the House – nothing. Harry/Hari doesn’t even get assigned a punishment essay!

I bowed my head in a sign of respect to him and gathered the rest of my items while Draco-senpai and Ron-senpai waited by the door. I smiled to my two friends and we walked to the next class we had together.

Was that class over? They finished their potion, but that doesn’t mean they can leave. Snape didn’t dismiss them, and he didn’t even glance at their potion to see if they had done it properly.

Dumbledors POV

Oh, cave troll balls. This cannot end well.

I growled slightly to myself in my office. That darn Potter had shown up but from what Minerva had said he asked to be called Hari Onodera.

Which is, again, something that should have been brought to the headmaster’s attention before the student arrived at school.

Not only that but he had been sorted into the snake house!

Something Dumbledore never had control over. No one, not even the Headmaster, can control the Sorting Hat. I think it’s mentioned more than once that the magic animating the Sorting Hat is very old and very powerful; it was first enchanted by the four founders of Hogwarts and gained a kind of sentience over the years.

‘How am I supposed to make him into the golden boy if he isn’t in the lions den?’ I fumed. My plans were starting to fall around me.

Frankly, it’s shocking that your overly complicated plans have made it this far. But please – feel free to bitch and moan about something you have no control over. If Dumbledore really was a master manipulator, he should have a contingency plan for this – hell, he should have at least three contingency plans drawn up to cover Harry/Hari being placed in any of the other Houses. He has had years to think about this, after all.

“So far the only good thing is that the Weasly brat has befriended just as planned.

As planned? Ron was wandering around looking for a seat; how was their encounter planned?

Maybe he can get it to work.

If Ron’s part of Dumbledore’s needlessly complex plan to get Harry/Hari to [ERROR:OBJECTIVE NOT FOUND], then I think I was right about this being a Ron the Death Eater scenario.

Although I can’t put too much trust in the boy. He is an idiot.” I muttered to my self. I continued to try to think of plans to fix the old ones.

I cannot even begin to speculate on what this grand plan of Evil!Dumbledore’s would have been – and I don’t have to, because this is the …


Thank Thoth for fic authors who get bored with their meandering and pointless plot and decide to abandon their fics. Oh, wait – there’s an Author’s Note.

DMC- “Also IDK if contacts can wear out or not but I needed a reason for Snap to get Snippy.”


That was not snippy, it was not even close to snippy. That little remark about passing notes would have to take two trains and a bus to get to the same neighbourhood as snippy. Even the frickin’ puppet version of Snape can do a better job of being snippy.


57 Comments on “1387: Harry is Hari? – Chapter 4”

  1. SC says:

    couldn’t find “Awiaka” anywhere. A quick Google search later, and I found it – it’s a Nigerian family name. Not only is it not even close to being Japanese, it’s not even on the same continent.

    Sounds like another case of, “it sounds like X, so therefore it must be X, and I need not look it up to verify it!”

    • SC says:

      Except, it DOESN’T sound like X here. I say Awiaka out loud, and I don’t think “Japanese,” I think “this seems a bit African-ish to me.” Yes, I know it’s Nigerian, but that’s how my brain subconsciously translates it.

      • GhostCat says:

        It kinda-sorta looks Japanese, but only if you don’t know much about the language. The “wi” sound is almost nonexistent in Japanese. Even when it does pop up it is typically in a word borrowed from another language.

      • "Lyle" says:

        “I need a Japanese name and can’t be buggered to look it up… uhm… Let’s just jam together some vowels between two consonants. That’s how their language works, right? No way I’m being offensively ignorant.”

  2. SC says:

    I am in the same house as Draco-senpai

    I read this, and my first thought is Vampire Potter.

    Sorry, Lyle.

    • GhostCat says:

      I think the darkwraiths finally finished the tea aqueduct, so she should be fine.

      • CrunchyRaptor says:

        *Crunchy floats by in the tea aqueduct on a small inflatable raft*

        Construction is complete and initial testing is underway.

      • Agent [GREY]: It did take a while to fix that leak, but now everything is fine.

      • batjamags says:

        Initial testing looks fun! Are any further tests required?

      • Swenia says:

        *Walks by holding a surfboard*

        That section where it drops twenty-three floors into the riffing level’s cistern could go through a few more trials, but you’ll have to get in line.

        • GhostCat says:

          They remembered to install the self-cleaning filters, right? I don’t want to pour myself a piping hot cup full of raptor scales and lion fur.

      • CrunchyRaptor says:

        Yes. Right. Of course we did.

        Darkwraiths! Tell Eliza that we need her to authorize an emergency contracting order!

      • SC says:

        Shades: Dum tee dum…

        Uh, you’re not about to get tea from there, are you?

        Shades: Gonna try and stop me, git?

        Well, I should at least tell you-

        *Shades takes a drink of tea and violently spits fur and scales everywhere*

        …It’s been in use recently.


        Contacts: But I didn’t do shit!

      • "Lyle" says:

        *looks at her mug of tea and pours it out onto a potted plant*

        That explains a lot.

  3. SC says:

    Also IDK if contacts can wear out or not

    Contacts: To put it into perspective, I can run approximately three miles before getting winded, which is three miles short of matching Specs, and fucking forget trying to keep up with Literal Robot Monocle.

  4. batjamags says:

    “Oh? Your parents are dead than?”

  5. batjamags says:

    “Wait here for a moment.”

    “I heard that there are ghosts here!”

    “I heard that if your bad than they lock you up with dragons!” The whispers went around and around until the doors finally opened and we walked in.


    There’s been a real rash of unattributed dialogue cropping up in the Library recently and it’s really getting on my nerves.


    “I resemble that remark!”

    “You mean we do!”

    “We should protest!”

    “Hey hey, ho ho, attributed dialogue has got to go!”

    “Formless Void Denizens for Unattributed Dialogue!”

    *Slaps the Formless Voices – all [number] of them*

  6. batjamags says:

    Is it wrong that I think that KitKat sandwich looks delicious?

  7. batjamags says:

    *Hits fic repeatedly with the nearest blunt object*

    Isn’t. *SMACK* Dumbledore. *SMACK* Bashing. *SMACK* Just. *SMACK* Great. *SMACK* I. *SMACK* Love. *SMACK* It. *SMACK* When. *SMACK* Authors. *SMACK* Do. *SMACK* That. *SMACK SMACK SMACK*

  8. CrunchyRaptor says:

    His contacts are wearing down?!?

    *Pulls Contacts off the grindstone*

    Um… well…


    Contacts made me do it!

    *Scurries out*

  9. TacoMagic says:

    If Harry/Hari wears contacts, why didn’t he bring extra pairs with him? Why didn’t he take them out before he went to bed? Sleeping with contacts in isn’t very comfortable. It’s been a long time since I’ve worn contacts, but I remember throwing them out every couple of weeks – and he is going to have to make three pairs stretch for several months? DId he even pack enough contact lens solution to last that long? I’m fairly certain the magical folks wouldn’t have any on hand. And what the hell does “running down” even mean in this context?

    This is something that struck me as selectively odd about the HP universe. Magic/potions can cure all manner of ailments, including things like being turned to stone, reattaching limbs, or replacing lost bones, yet nearsightedness is somehow incurable.

    • GhostCat says:

      I tend to lump things like that together under the “wizards are fanatical traditionalists” umbrella, but logically there should be some kind of treatment for vision problems.

      • batjamags says:

        The explanation is obvious:

        A wizard did it.

        Now, why/how a wizard would make it so that other wizards and witches couldn’t fix vision problems is beyond me, but a wizard definitely did it.

      • TacoMagic says:

        Probably the same wizard responsible for churning out the hot spectacles that some of the wizards are sporting.

    • Addicted Reader says:

      Maybe it is, but it the magic involved is harder than making glasses? So they could fix it but rarely bother?

      • GhostCat says:

        Given the “quirky” way magic sometimes behaves, I don’t think I’d risk it.

      • TacoMagic says:

        Possibly, but it strikes me that they do more dangerous things with magic to more frivolous ends than fixing vision problems. I think it’s more likely a case of wizards thinking they look wise if sporting a pair of spectacles.

  10. TacoMagic says:

    That was not snippy, it was not even close to snippy. That little remark about passing notes would have to take two trains and a bus to get to the same neighbourhood as snippy. Even the frickin’ puppet version of Snape can do a better job of being snippy.

    So, would you say that Snape’s snippiness lacked… snap?

  11. Addicted Reader says:

    OMG, where to start on this trainwreck?!?

    First, to answer your question, I think prefects probably wake people quickly. They make sure someone is up in each room and leave that person to wake the others. I don’t remember many – if any – instances of Percy waking Harry personally.

    If that is supposed to be Luna, she’s in the wrong year.

    Ron’s sorting got completely skipped!

    I was going to ask where Hermione is in all this, but it’s probably just as well she was left out. I probably wouldn’t like this author’s version of her.

    And finally, thank Snark this fic ended before getting to the promised yaoi.

  12. "Lyle" says:

    Oh, no. No, no, no. No. You did not just skip through one of my favorite scenes! Snape’s first Potions class is just so … Dynamic. It’s absolutely brilliant the way a very brief scene manages to define a character in so many ways. I REFUSE to skip it.

    (And now I’m sad.)

    *passes the tissue box*

  13. Koori says:


    *stifles giggles*

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