1378: Legaia Nara and the SimSeru – Chapter Five

Title: Legaia Nara and the SimSeru
Author: Vick330
Media: Video Game
Topic: Legend of Legaia
Genre: Adventure
URL: Legaia Nara and the SimSeru
Critiqued by TacoMagic

We’re finally here, people!  The last chapter of this little fic duo.  This chapter is actually really short, so we’ll be getting out of class a little early today.  To be honest, this week is a busy one for me, so I decided to do this chapter as it’s own thing rather than do it last week so that I can attend more pressing matters.

So last time?  Well, last time the author basically erased everything that managed to happen in the last two fics so that he could come full circle.  We once again have a babby Cort in the care of Noa.  True, now she’s got other kids and is married to Vahn, but it’s not impossible to have arrived at a similar position without all the trajek-happenings of the first fic or the profound stupidity of this one.  So I really don’t need much of a recap here; the status quo has been reinstated.  Though there was a poorly described battle or something last chapter where nobody was hurt.  I think.  It could also have been poorly described tentacle porn, the fic wasn’t very clear at the time.

This week we have an epilogue, which, given our author’s history, is probably just a long-winded way of expressing: “and they lived happily ever after.”

********** V – Epilogue **********

*GONG*

Why, author?  You had learned your lesson about insipid formatting!  Why did you go back!?

Due the circumstances, Nara and Thoram were not disciplined, for their parents judged that the whole ordeal had been a good enough lesson.

Which just goes to show how absolutely awful the parenting is for these two.  It was obvious to begin with, but now it’s pretty well sorted.

And I’m not saying you need to lock these two away, but they’ve absolutely demonstrated that they need some direct oversight.  They are not good at making choices on their own and they have displayed at length why they cannot be trusted away from supervision.  If absolutely nothing else, these two need some ground rules along the lines of: “you don’t get to be out of our sight for the foreseeable future.”  Certainly their free reign of the village needs to be curbed.

I don’t care how much the kids were scared in this situation, if there are no repercussions for their actions, they aren’t going to learn anything.  And, if anything, the natural repercussions for the actions were getting a new baby brother.  That’s not going to teach a lesson.  Or if it does, it’s certainly not teaching the one you would want the kids to learn.

*GONG*

And don’t think I didn’t notice, author.

They were both delighted at being allowed to partake in the village’s festival, and made many vows never to get into mischief, ever again.

Vows that were forgotten seconds later.

Have you ever interacted with young children, author?  Actually, given what we’ve read here, I may as well just answer that for you: no, you have not.

They’ll swear up and down not to ever do something again, and be doing that very thing before the vow has finished echoing around the room.  It’s not malicious, it’s just that they either don’t remember or they don’t put any importance on saying they’re going to stop doing something.  Children don’t really have impulse control, so getting them to promise not to do something is extremely transitory, often lasting all of a few minutes.

Parents learn this very quickly.  Which is why if you watch a parent with a young child, you’ll often see them saying the same thing over and over to the child.

Vahn left for a few days, in order to inform the King of the happenstance.

I’m sure the king really cares and doesn’t have anything more important to do than worry about two kids getting lost for a few hours and ultimately being returned to safety without any harm done.

It was decided that the remaining tunnels would be explored, just to make sure that something else was not lurking in there.

Which should have been done in the first fucking place.  King Drake is very not good at king.

But that is another story.

Man, I hope not.

Actually, I know it isn’t because this is the last story the author wrote in the Legaia world.

Baby Cort was, to Noa’s relief, a normal, healthy child.

Go ahead and see my evil theory at the end of the last riff.

He was readily accepted into the family, and Vahn raised him as his own.

*Alarm stays quiet*

For crap’s sake guys!  It’s just raunchy stories about sex, it’s not that frightening!

Nara was also overjoyed at having a little brother, on top of a sister, and she acted with great care around the babies, which contrasted with her usual slipshod manner.

I’m super glad we’re being told all about this new leaf Nara is turning over.  Especially since I don’t care and being shown this would take a lot longer.

To the red-haired girl’s sorrow, her uncle Gala had to leave, for he had to resume his pilgrimage.

I guess the author doesn’t remember that Gala was specifically visiting Rim Elm to check up on Noa’s school and not on a pilgrimage.  Once again, my theory that Vick has never actually read anything that he’s written holds up.

As a parting gift, he gave her a small emerald, mounted on a pendant, which he had purchased in Sol, and promised to visit again soon.

He gave it to… who now?  For reference, this sentence is actually several lines down from the last direct reference to any other character, so that “her” could be anyone.  Probably Nara, though, because let’s give the little terror gifts on top of not disciplining her for misbehaving.

******************** **********

*Brushes the asterisks off the fic and into the spare punctuation box*

Probably don’t need those, but I’d hate to be without.

And so, the days passed, and one fine morning, Nara, proudly wearing Gala’s pendant, Candela, and Thoram, carrying a bag with different supplies the girls had decided on, were walking towards the river, east of Rim Elm.

I love that sentence.  I love it because Nara is wearing her friends.

Meanwhile, I also hate it it because of how fucking awkward it is!

*Pokes at his throat*  Huh. Inexplicable.

“Were are we going?” Inquired the boy.

Out to break and enter, get lost, and find another baby.  Like last time!

“You’ll see when we get there.” Answered Nara excitedly.

In fact, the red-haired girl didn’t have a clue about where exactly they were going, what they would find, or do once there.

So, with no discipline, there has been no real change in Nara.  Good jerb, parents.

Not that it was a problem, for she would think of something when the time came, and Candela had just told her a fascinating story she had just made up, so inspiration was not an issue.

Well, the author has been doing everything within his power to keep this story from being specific or interesting, no reason to expect he’d stop now.  Still, this seems even more vague than normal.  Maybe the fic is starting to dissolve near the end here.

“Can’t you give me a hint, Nara? I’m curious.” Insisted Thoram.

I’d be more likely to be concerned, worried, or even frightened, but I guess curiosity works.

“Lets just say that you’ll remember this one!” She replied, skipping and grinning.

As soon as I think of what it is, it’ll be super memorable!  Then again, Nara has been established as being this vacuous, so it is in character.

[By the way, he would most certainly remember it, trust me]

I have no idea who this is supposed to be.  The narrator has proven himself to be untrustworthy so would need to include that last bit to try to entice undeserved belief, but he generally doesn’t use brackets.  This is sort of similar to the curly brackets the author used in his battle with the narrator last chapter, but not the same.  Maybe this is supposed to be some kind of god?  It is a reference to events that haven’t happened yet, so a god with precognition makes sense.

The boy’s brown eyes showed concern at his friend’s statement, “We’re not going to get in trouble, are we?”

At this point you shouldn’t need to ask that question, but you’re six, so I’ll forgive you being slow on the uptake.

Nara’s tone was reassuring, “Of course not, I thought things through this time.”

It’s amazing Nara has any friends with how easily she lies to them all the time.  But, again, her friends are really young, so they probably don’t know any better.

Thoram smiled widely at his friend and his sister, relieved that, for once, there was solid planning behind the expedition.

Poor kid is as dumb as a bag full of hammers.  Or maybe it’s a box of rocks?  I’m not very well versed in the continuum of stupidity metaphors.

“Good, in that case, lead the way.” He said merrily.

Nara’s grin nearly split her face in two, as she added, “Just trust me, this is going to be GREAT!”

Yeah, this time we’re going to break into the abandoned uranium mines!  I bet we find a green baby this time!

And with that, the fic ends, doing what it’s best at: being utterly pointless.

Next week we’ll dive into something new, I’m not sure yet whether I’ll be tackling a few more one-shots or diving into a bigger project; I guess we’ll see.

Until next week, patrons!

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17 Comments on “1378: Legaia Nara and the SimSeru – Chapter Five”

  1. AdmiralSakai says:

    Nara was also overjoyed at having a little brother, on top of a sister,

    … ew.

  2. GhostCat says:

    Poor kid is as dumb as a bag full of hammers. Or maybe it’s a box of rocks? I’m not very well versed in the continuum of stupidity metaphors.

    Maybe add in a “bless his heart”, which is the most polite way I know to call someone a dumbass.

  3. Addicted Reader says:

    So this could all have been summed up as “Kids who misbehaved before run off to misbehave again.”

  4. batjamags says:

    Not that it was a problem, for she would think of something when the time came, and Candela had just told her a fascinating story she had just made up, so inspiration was not an issue.

    Ah, yes. The tale of the Formless Void. Once upon a time, in [place], there was [status quo]. Then, [thing] happened! This was bad because [reasons]! So, a brave [person] set out, accompanied by [person] and [person], to do [thing] to restore [status quo] to [place]. However, they faced [difficulties] from [antagonist]. Fortunately, they made it through and managed to do [thing]. The end.

    Presumably, they did this in the Formless room with the [form] in the caverns.

    Also, how does a story made up by a five-year-old inspire you to mischief? I’m not sure five-year-olds have the creative capacity to think of something that interesting.

    Oh, wait, the narrator told us the story was “fascinating,” so it must be, right? Then again, I’d still probably rather read a five-year-old’s story than this one.

  5. SC says:

    raunchy stories about sex

    *Glasses punches an entire wall into rubble*

    Glasses: WHERE ARE THE SEX STORIES?!

    • batjamags says:

      *Points*

      Second door to your left.

      *Looks at now-missing wall*

      Third door.

    • Swenia says:

      So, I remember back during the second year in academy I met this sweet, tiny little thing named Pepo. She was an African Nectar Bat.

      Now, the thing few people know about nectar bats is that they have the longest tongue of anyone you’re likely to meet, and they’re good with those tongues. By God are they amazing with those tongues! Even without much prior experience between the sheets, she was able t-

      *A thick jet of water streaks into the room, knocking Swenia over*

      Would you quit that!? I’m trying to tell a story about having an eighteen-inch tongue-

      *Another jet of water hits Swenia in the face*

      You are going to die, Marcus!

  6. SC says:

    King Drake is very not good at king.

    Monocle: BUT MONOCLE MIGHT BE!

    Bitch, your ass got murdered while you were just a prince, don’t even lie.


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