1365: My Little Unicorn: Magic is Believing (That still means nothing) Chapter 14

Title: My Little Unicorn:  Magic Is Believing
Author: Dakari-King Mykan
Media: Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL:  Chapter 14
Critiqued by Erttheking

Ert: UGH! UGH! Haven’t even gotten past the chapter title and already I have a headache.

Cornelia: Why, what is it?

Face to Space

Nora: It rhymes, but it makes no sense, is annoying and feels forced. Jesus, did Rhymey write this?

Ert: Please let that be a no, I can’t take any more of him right now. Or ever.

Lightning spread word to all his friends about the rainbow stone, and that it really did work.

Nora: The way he worded it makes it sound like there was doubt that it worked. Something I find hilarious for two reasons. One, it shows how little faith these guys have in the Grand Ruler despite lining up to suck all three of his not!dicks. Two, and more importantly, remember how everything in this story was about believing? Well clearly they didn’t “believe” that the rainbow stone would work. They needed to have it be confirmed, factually, that the rainbow stone works. Shooting the entire moral of the story in the foot.

The others almost couldn’t wait to try it out for themselves,

Ert: I am seriously considering changing the seemingly counter to the wishy washy narration counter. One more incident like this and I will.

but what were they thinking?

Cornelia: We don’t know! You’re the narrator! It’s your job to tell us what’s going on, not the other way around! Is Mykan trying to be mysterious or is the poor narrator that’s telling this story just as hopelessly confused as we are?

Were they actually asking for the kingdom to be attacked again just so they could test out new magic?

Nora: Considering how bored they were before Titan’s minions made a reappearance, it certainly seems that way. Quite the little band of psychopaths.

No, they decided to let it be and only try to tap into their new powers when the time was right.

Nora: Right, you totes got me convinced that they’re not itching for a fight. You said that they kinda were last chapter but you changed your mind.

So, business just carried on. The unicorns still went to work and did their chores and duties,

Cornelia: I have to say, their “duties” seem very self-indulgent for the most part. Looking at stars, writing poetry, watering your garden. These can be good jobs IRL (except for watering your garden, you don’t really get paid for taking care of your own plants) but I wouldn’t call them duties.

and once again, Lightning and Krysta were asked by Cookie Dough to deliver an ordered lunch to Brain show as busy working on a new project.

Ert: If the asshole can’t get it himself than don’t bother … in fact did he even EAT it the last time that this happened? No, it just kinda disappeared into the void because it only existed as a concept so that Mykan could get Lightning to be near Brain. Something that could be fixed by simply having Brain living in the same town. But nooooooooo, we needed shallow, one-dimensional towns with annoying color motifs. They add so much.

Nora: Hey sarcasm is my thing. You stick to swearing and being passive aggressive.

“What do you think he’s making this time?” asked Lightning “A rocket-ship to take us all to the moon.”

Cornelia: There was no question mark there, so he was flat out stating that Brain was building a rocket-ship.

Ert: And Mykan, it’s in your best interest that you don’t constantly remind your reader of much better works of fiction they could be enjoying. You’ve been doing that non-stop with My Little Pony, but after that I seriously want to stop reviewing this right now and go watch a certain short film.

“I doubt we’d actually need a rocket to do that.” said Krysta, “We could just fly up there ourselves.”

(Their moon is nothing like the Earth’s moon.)

Ert: And you couldn’t establish this in the narrative why? Oh right, because you suck at writing. You suck so much at writing that you couldn’t even tell us why their moon was different in an intrusive author’s note. And if it ends up being because the moon is made of cheese I’m going to abandon this story forever and just put a link to A Grand Day out.

As they landed near Brain’s they could see Dyno and Myte standing outside.

Cornelia: I don’t even get it, what does being Hispanic have to do with explosives?

Nora: Hell if I know.

“Hola, amigos.” said Dyno when Lightning and Krysta landed.

“Hey boys..! Why are you here?” asked Krysta.

The twins explained that Brain had asked them to cover over to help test his new secret project. “But we waiting out here a long time.” said Myte “We try and knock but he don’t hear us.”

Nora: We Hispanic! Hispanic no speak English good and say random Spanish words. Mykan Muy Muy Racisto.

Ert: I don’t know why Mykan keeps coming up with (racist) bullshit reasons to get everyone together. Just have them be together, we didn’t demand an explanation for why Lightning was with Kyrsta. That’s because we know she has no reason to exist outside of her relationship with Lightning, but that’s besides the point.

Lightning knocked a few times, but as expected, Brain didn’t answer. “That’s Brain for you. He gets so wrapped up in his work he can’t seem to hear anything else.”

Cornelia: Bit of a jump in logic there. Him just not hearing you is a perfectly logical explination.

Nora: That’s the problem, it’s logical. This story wants nothing to do with that.

Luckily a window was open a wee bit, and Krysta agreed to fly inside and see if she could find Brain. “Back in a flash…”

Nora: Oh goodie! Unlawful entering! We can have these two arrested.

Cornelia: I’ll get the best prosecutor we can on the case!

Brain was busy spraying something on a small barrel on his workbench. “There…! My new formula is complete.” he said to himself “I just can’t wait to tell to the others.”

Ert: Brain sprays something on a barrel on the workbench he apparently has. He then talks about a “formula.” Assuming the formula is in the spraycan, it was already finished. Spraying it on a barrel doesn’t add any other elements to the formula. So saying that it’s now complete makes no sense.

“Well that’s good to hear.” said a voice from behind, making Brain jump “Oh… my…! Please, Krysta, I beg you… don’t do that again. I get so carried away at times, you know.”

Nora: And when I say “don’t do that again,” I mean don’t break into my house again. I WILL call the police.

“Well just carry yourself to the door, and let the others in.” replied Krysta.

Cornelia: Carry yourself to the door? Is that even physically possible?

Goeth: With enough limbs it is!

Brain’s eyes widened, “Oh dear! I completely forgot. I shall be back, don’t touch anything.”

Ert: Five….four…

As soon as he was gone, Krysta sat on the barrel that was on the bench and just relaxed there, unaware that the barrel was beginning to fade away into thin air…!

Ert: Wow, I couldn’t even get to zero. Seriously Mykan, “don’t touch anything” is right up there with “what could possibly go wrong” in terms of phrases that have painfully predictable results.

Brain let the others in and apologized for keeping them waiting for so long. “So what’s the big secret?” asked Lightning.

Cornelia: What secret? This is a secret? Not a very good secret, since this story is preparing to reveal it to us the same second it established that it was a secret. *Shakes head* naughty naughty story.

Brain explained that he had been working on a new spray-paint he hoped would improve others stamina.

Cornelia: Spray paint and stamina? What? That’s bonkers!

Nora: No, it’s totally logical. I’ve recently got some nail polish that increases my metabolism. And some earmuffs that increase my durability. And a pair of shoes that improve my eyesight. Items that TOTALLY have logical connections to their effects.

This way unicorns like him, that didn’t have offensive or defensive magic, could enter battle against a foe and would be more protected against many attacks without sustaining too much damage or getting hurt,

Ert: That never happens anyway, so this invention of yours is pointless.

and would even feel stronger in brute force for a short while… at least he hoped!

“Qué…? You hope…?” asked Dyno.

“I don’t like the sound of that.” said Myte.

Goeth: I do! Let’s test it out. *Loads formula into a super soaker* If it works it works! If you die horribly as it eats its way through your skin, well you know what they say. Experimentation is all about learning!

Brain explained, “I have just tried out the new formula on a barrel sitting on my bench.

Ert: Yes, barrels are well known for their low stamina. Clearly this formula can be adequately tested on one.

Do whatever you wish with it. Smash it, burn it, blow it up… this formula should make it so you cannot damage it.”

Nora: I don’t think Mykan knows what stamina is. (Shocker, I know.) If you increase someone’s stamina, you would increase how long they can perform physically exhausting tasks before becoming fatigued. They would not be more durable, stronger, or impervious to fire. In short, Mykan’s “it does what I want or else it gets the hose again” writing strikes once more.

“This I must see.” muttered Lightning.

Ert: It’s fucking ironic because the barrel is invisible. Just making sure that joke didn’t slip under the radar. It was so FUCKING SUBTLE!

“You will in fact. You will.” said Brain as he lead everyone into the workshop, but they couldn’t see a barrel anywhere. Just Krysta relaxing comfortably in midair “So… where’s the barrel?” asked Lightning.

Cornelia: He’s just ignoring the fact that Krysta is floating without flapping her wings isn’t he? I think his eyes need to be checked.

“I do see a barrel, do you?” asked Dyno.

“No… I don’t.” answered Myte.

Brain was most confused, “I… I don’t understand it.”

Nora: DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH

Krysta woke up. “What going on…?”

Cornelia: When did she fall asleep? That was never established! Or is she the world’s most extreme narcoleptic and fell asleep in half a second?

That’s when she noticed, “Huh…?” she was standing on fresh air

Ert: Except she wasn’t, because she was established as sitting. Mykan gets confused between sitting and standing. Mykan is a lot like my new puppy. Doesn’t know what words means, keeps doing stupid things, and probably shits on the carpet. Except my puppy has the excuse of being both a dog and a baby, and is generally rather playful. Mykan is none of these things.

but her wings weren’t fluttering. If anything, she still felt as if she were standing on something solid.

“Krysta…?” Brain said calmly. “Now… where is the barrel? What have you done with it?”

Nora: Sorry buddy, you said to not touch anything, so I of course had to directly disobey you. I mean really, what were you expecting.

Krysta explained she didn’t do anything. “All I did was sit on it and now… nothing.”

“Hold on…” Lightning said “Krysta, tap your foot.”

As confused as she and the others were, Krysta did as she was told and could actually feel her foot tapping against something solid.

Cornelia: Did she not feel the solid nature of the barrel when she was just standing on it? You would, provided the nerve endings in your foot weren’t fried.

Goeth: *Whistles*

“Huh…?” She tried jumping, and could feel her feet stomping on a flat surface.

Brain walked over and gently tapped near Krysta’s feet and he could actually feel the barrel. “I wouldn’t have believed it possible!”

Ert: That thing you’re supposed to be doing all the time? The whole believing thing never really was a spite thing against friendship. Wait, that’s obvious.

Nora: It was never more than a spite thing that lasted all of ten seconds before Mykan got distracted by something shiny.

“It’s invisible!” cried Krysta.

“Wow, have you hit on something, Brain.” said Lightning.

Ert: Wow that sentence was awkward. Unless Lightning is saying Brain flirted with the barrel. What, is Dixie Kong in it?

Dyno and Myte were overjoyed.

“He’s a genius.”

Cornelia: That’s debatable. He did this by pure accident, no intellect was involved.

Ert: Kind of like how Dr. Jekyll created his famous potion by pure accident.

“Si…! A regular super brain…”

Nora: Hey Mykan, I thought I found an outfit for you!

Ert: At least they’re honest…

Nora:  Also, yeah a super brain.  A super brain on loan from Abby Normal.

Brain felt very proud. This was indeed a most magnificent discovery, unaware that Rep-Stallion had been peeking through the windows.

Ert: GAH! WHEN THE FUCK DID HE GET HERE!?

Nora: I hope he’s not planning on stealing it. He clearly doesn’t need it.

Cornelia: I thought Mysterious was the sneaky one, being made of shadow and all.

Ert: Mykan forgot.

“Just wait until I tell the others.” he said. Then he vanished quickly before he was spotted by the lookout towers.

Ert: Grade A job assholes. The one fucking job you had and you couldn’t do it. Unicorn tax money at work.

“A paint that makes things invisible…?” Dementia said “Now I’ve heard of everything. Why can’t you ever come up with something more useful?”

Cornelia: I don’t see how this is something that makes her say that. I mean is turning invisible really that outlandish? Especially compared with everything else this story has done? I’d consider the monster powder more outlandish.

Nora: This thing is running on bad Power Rangers logic, meaning that the focus point of the episode is on one thing that’s treated as the hottest thing since sliced bread before it’s forgotten forever.

Ert: I suspect that Taco would bring up a comparison to Gilligan’s Island on how potentially useful tools are forgotten about forever because of minor mishaps, but considering that the original point of this was to create a strength potion of some kind, I think it’ ok to abandon it. Brain clearly doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing if he tried to make a potion to get stronger and came up with invisibility spray.

Rep-Stallion looked furious “At least I do things more useful than you always prettying yourself up with that goop!”

Mysterious hushed them both before they broke out into a fight, and agreed that Rep had indeed discovered something most useful.

Nora: Which he did somewhere over there. I suppose.

If they got that formula they’d have a free hove in all their battles, “But first we must test it on our own fields, and for that we’ll need a monster.”

Cornelia: That’s not how it works. Goeth!

Goeth: Well this is just a disgrace to the experimental method. No hypothesis, no analysis, no controlled experiment before the field experiment, just a mess.

“Leave it to me…” said Dementia “I’ve been saving one for just such an occasion.”

Ert: That’s a lie, considering that they had no idea for monsters until they had eureka moment by combining them. LAST CHAPTER! Mykan makes shit up again, trying to trick us into thinking he has some form of plan.

Cornelia: In reality he just makes things up on the spur of the moment and we’re running out of ways to say that.

The barrel was still invisible, but Brain already actually managed to chip a little piece of it meaning his formula didn’t make it strong,

Ert: In other words he utterly fucked it up.

so the test was off. Luckily, Brain had theory and sprayed the barrel with ordinary water, and sure enough it reappeared.

Cornelia: This formula is less and less impressive with every second. First it doesn’t act as advertised, now it’s not even waterproof? Soon we’ll be learning it just fades away in a minute or two.

“Yes…! Satisfactory…! Most satisfactory…! Just a simple touch of water or any other exterior substance will wash the paint away.

Nora: Any substance. Any. Any. Those were the words that you said.

Ert: So in other words this stuff will come off the second someone actually touches something. No idea how Brain figured that out, but whatever. This stuff is officially beyond worthless.

Now all that remains to figure how to apply this new invention of mine.”

Nora: Yes, I just happened to have something that I want to turn invisible even though this was a complete accident. I smart.

The others assured Brain not to worry about that. Like all his inventions it was bound to be put to good use very soon. “Can we help in any way?” asked Lightning.

“Oh, no, no, no… that shouldn’t be necessary.” said Brain.

Ert: Also get the fuck out of my house.

Nora: What good? Name one time Brain’s inventions have ever been put to good use. The closest we ever got was when he gave people a ride in his balloon. Once. Bit of a stretch to call that good use.

With that settled, the others decided to leave and let Brain decide what to do. “That Brain…” Krysta chuckled “He just can’t seem to tear himself from his work even when he’s done.”

Cornelia: Except his work isn’t done. He failed to create the stamina potion he wanted. He just kinda forgot that he wanted to do that.

Ert: Like I said, he probably was never going to get it down. He’s that incompetent.

The others agreed, but nobody realized that something was watching them, hiding in the bushes outside of Brain’s house.

Cornelia: So what? Rep and the others put together a plan to attack them in five minutes? They are quite speedy.

Ert: And the plan will most likely be shit.

Cornelia: It wouldn’t be anyway?

Ert: Touche.

As Brain was tidying up around his workshop, and still wondering what to do about the invisible paint. He heard a loud pounding coming from his door, as if someone were trying to force their way in. “I say…! Who’s there?” snapped Brain.

Nora: PIZZA MAN! Because I’m totally a friendly person who’s trying to smash your door in and I’m obviously going to answer it!

The pounding merely continued followed by a growling sound. Brain knew this was troubled, and pressed a big red button on the wall which sounded the alarms to warn the kingdom, and no sooner had he did the door break open and in came a snarling monster made from what looked like, makeup brushes and eyeliner wands. “Oh… my-y-y-y-y…!” cried Brain.

Ert: You leave George Takei the fuck out of this!

Ert: You tell him George!

Cornelia: You know, for something that she was “saving” this feels like a monster Dementia came up with on the spur of the moment. As in, she had five seconds and sprinkled the monster dust on what was right in front of her.

Luckily Lightning and the others hadn’t gone too far and began to dash back immediately as soon as the alarms sounded. “Trust there to be trouble exactly where we were before.” groaned Lightning.

Ert: That sentence gave me cancer.  And polio.  And the plague.

Nevertheless, they all continued to dash until they reached Brain’s house to see “Dementia…!” standing there.

Cornelia: Who the hell is Dementia…! I’ve never heard of anyone by that name, just Dementia. Hold on, they might be related.

She turned to face them. “So… the cavalry is here.”

Ert: How the hell does that concept of cavalry even work in this universe? Do unicorns mount other unicorns?

Nora: See THAT is when you make a George Takei reference.

“What are you up to now, Dementia?” snapped Lightning.

Cornelia: I feel like we’ve been here before, haven’t we been here before? I’m pretty sure he’s asked this before, when he really should know better by now.

Dementia sniggered “Oh, you’ll see… or maybe you won’t.”

Ert: Oh. You’re clever. You’re so fucking clever. See how clever that was? It was clever.

Cornelia: *Takes Ert’s Red Lantern Ring away*

Ert: Thank you.

she clapped her hooves, and the gang could hear something making its way through the door of Brain’s house, but could see nothing there.

“Qué…?” remarked Dyno

Nora: I’m still Hispanic and have no real personality outside of that.

“I see nothing.” added Myte

Nora: Hold up there Mykan, that was almost proper English. You can’t have the minorities speaking properly!

Still, they could all feel something was there, and it was getting closer. Then Lightning felt something swinging at him and pushing him down. “Ah…!”

“Lightning…!” cried Krysta

Cornelia: Why is it I get the feeling that Krysta is going to go back to being the stereotypical screamer even though she was halfway competent last chapter?

Ert: Probably because you actually have two brain cells to rub together.

“Guys, look out!” cried Lightning, but then the twins got tripped up. “AYE…!”

Cornelia: Technically it can be spelt ay, but it’s disputed which is correct. What? I thought people might want to learn something educational today

Krysta fluttered up higher before she got hit, only to get caught by Dementia. “Going somewhere?” she hissed, and Before Krysta knew it, she was thrown in a small jar and shut in tight, but with air-holes. “Help…! Let me out! Let me out!”

Cornelia: Wow. I called it but that’s just…wow. That’s without getting into the appalling grammar. I’d like to make a joke about what its really saying, but for the life of me I don’t think that’s physically possible. It’s that much of a mess.

Nora: It’s funny really. Mykan wants to show how cruel and badass his villains are, like when he has Rep lick his scythe, but he’s such a wimp that he can’t even bring Dementia to hurt Krysta, even a little. Dementia could’ve just swatted Krystal and probably killed her, but she’s too much of a pushover to just use a normal jar. Think about that, that means she had to go out of her way to poke air holes in this one, she’s doing this on purpose.

Dementia couldn’t help bust shake the jar vigorously and laugh at the poor little fairy being rock about inside. Krysta never felt so dizzy in her life. Dementia simply placed her on the window sill of Brain’s house where wouldn’t cause any trouble, as long as she was in the jar.

Ert: She won’t do any trouble so long as she’s in the jar, even though she displayed super strength the other day. I shall also leave her unguarded. I iz tactical genus.

Poor Krysta couldn’t pop the top, and she didn’t dare try to blast the sides of the jar with her magic for fear of harming herself as the jar was so small.

Nora: Would it be ok in a bigger jar? Would the glass shards be less dangerous then? And if your magic can’t break a tiny glass jar, then I fail to see what harm it would pose to you. (Not sure what the danger she’s so concerned about is because Mykan can’t establish shit, so I’m trying to cover all of my bases.)

All she could do was watch helplessly as her friends began to get beat up by seemingly nothing…!

Cornelia:…Ok. Seemingly actually works here, because it really DOES seem like it’s nothing. But you know the old saying, even a broken clock is right twice a day.

Lightning was pushed up against a tree and kept feeling hard punches go into his armor.

Dyno and Myte tried to blast the monster with their rocket-explosives, but their attacks missed completely. “It’s no good!”

Ert: You know, considering their position there’s a good chance that their rockets are going to hit Brain’s house. And are these magical explosives or do these maniacs bring explosives around with them everywhere they go?

“We can’t find it!”

But the monster seemed to find them,

Cornelia: And that’s when it doesn’t work.

(Seemingly Counter: 5)

grabbing them both in what felt like spiky hands, it whirled them round and around and rolled them along the ground like balls.

Nora: This monster feels like its playing with them, frankly. I mean these attacks are so underwhelming. They always did nothing, but this time it feels like its supposed to do nothing.

Krysta could tell that this had something to do with Brain’s new formula.

Ert: The thing that was constantly shoved in our face is what this chapter is all about? Congratulations Krysta, you’ve figured out how pathetically predictable this story is.

That was why the monster couldn’t be seen, and after all, how could they fight what they couldn’t even see?

Cornelia: We already know that it’s going to be washed off with water. But really they should be able to use it by now, considering how Brain’s formula comes off if it touches anything.

Dementia decided to rejoin the party, but resisted the urge to spray herself with the paint as it was too gross for her.

Nora: It’s gross? First time I’ve ever heard of that.

This left Krysta on her own, still in the jar, and she realized the only way she could escape was shatter the glass by rolling it off the window and into the house where it would break on the floor, and luckily she was able to use her lifting magic, even while inside.

Ert: Laaaaaaaaaaaaaame. Also she can use lifting magic (that she apparently has) and can’t. Ya know. Take the lid off. Honestly I feel like even a three year old would be bored shitless of this story around this point.

Cornelia: I think they wouldn’t have lasted this long.

“Okay…!” Krysta said nervously as she braced herself “One… two…” and with a quick wave, she managed to push the jar off the edge, “THREE…!” and down she went. A small drop to some was a long fall to her.

Nora: Well who is that some? Is it only small falls to Lightning that feel big to her? Does it not apply to small falls to Brain or Starla?

The glass shattered upon hitting the floor, and she was free, despite having a not so smooth landing. “Ohh…! Uhn…!” she groaned as she crawled out of the mess. “Oh, even my wings hurt!”

Cornelia: Considering that, there’s a good chance her wings were sliced open by a glass shard or the impact broke something. Either way she should be in bad shape.

It sure felt good to be out, but that’s when she saw Brain, all tied up and gagged “Brain…!” She wasted no time in freeing him, and it didn’t take two guesses to figure how he got in that fix.

Ert: Yeah, knowing the general IQ of these people, it’d take twelve.

He was able to tell her that the monster the others were fighting was actually just made of makeup brushes and eyeliner wands. Krysta thought that was a very weird idea for a monster.

Nora: And the balloon and rock/fire/wood thing wasn’t? You’re picking a weird example to get hung up on.

“We need a plan…” Krysta said.

“Not to worry, my dear.” Brain said “While I was tied up, I came up with just the solution. Now… this is what we shall do…”

Cornelia: I’m surprised that Mykan was able to figure out a concept as basic as not giving your plan away.

Lightning got shoved hard again by the invisible monster! “Ugh…!”

Ert: Really? It’s just shoving him? Mykan, could you be any bigger of a wuss? What’s he going to do? Just keep pushing him until he gives up?

Dyno and Myte were struggling with Dementia, but their explosives seemed to be no match for her field warping. “Nobody messes with my face…!” she sneered.

Nora: But the rest of your body is fair game? Ok, I’ll get my gun.

“We can’t… keep this up!” cried Lightning as he was pinned up against a tree by the monsters invisible, spiky hands. “Ow…!”

The twins agreed, but what could they do.

Cornelia: *Snort* The twins agree with your “ow” Lightning. Oh sorry, with your “ow…!”

“That’s easy…” Dementia hissed as she began to walk forward “You can finally admit defeat and surrender yourselves willingly.”

Ert:…Why the fuck is Dementia responding to what the narrative said? Is this fic becoming sentient?

“Fat chance of that!” snapped Dyno. “Si…! We will never give in to you…!”

Nora: I think Dyno is suffering from brain damage. He just agreed with himself.

Dementia sighed “Fine then…” and she raised one hove and held the twins in place with a warping barrier so they couldn’t run anywhere,

Cornelia: She can do that? Hey, Mykan, can we get a list of abilities that your characters have? A list that you can’t deviate from?

Ert: I think his head just exploded from overload. That or the concept of consistency. Either or.

and then raised her other hove ready for another blast. “Oh boy…!” cried Lightning. He managed to break out of the monster’s grip with his extra strength, but no matter how hard he tried to help the twins, the invisible monster just wouldn’t let him through. “Guys…!” he shouted.

“Nice knowing you, Dyno!”

“Likewise to, Myte…!”

Nora: Brace yourselves! We’re going to get lightly bruised because of this! O, I am slain! If thou be merciful, Open the tomb, lay me with Juliet.

The twins let out a scream, but just as Dementia was about to blast them. “YAAHH…!” she shrieked as she felt someone pull on the back of her mane with such force.

Cornelia: With such force what? Usually when someone says with such x, they usually follow it up with a result of what the x caused. In this case, something like “great force” would’ve been better. Except it’s Krysta so…I dunno.

With her concentration broken, the Twins were released, but they couldn’t understand what was going on.

Dementia looked as if she was fighting with nothing but clean air, but something was defiantly pulling at her mane. “Let… go of me…! Ow…!”

Ert: I already was never concerned for their safety, considering no one has ever gotten anything worse than a boo-boo in this story, but moments like this make me wonder if Mykan is even trying. Or if he’s delusional enough to seriously think that there was any tension throughout his entire story. He could be taking the piss…but that implies intelligence.

“What’s wrong, Dementia…?” squeaked a tiny little voice. “Need some help styling your mane?”

Dementia couldn’t see anything. “You little insect!” she shouted “When I get my hooves on her you I’ll- AAAAHH…!” the more she struggled, the tighter Krysta pulled, keeping her well distracted.

Nora: Gah! This is mildly annoying and slightly painful! This is completely distracting me from doing anything constructive. An annoying little fairy that I could’ve squashed with one hand is making my entire plan fall apart. Hell, I bet Krysta would just die if you said the five magic words.

Ert: I don’t believe in fairies?

Goeth: ERT! Why did test subject #512 just die?

Ert: Yeah they say that one dies every time you say it, but apparently it’s completely at random.

Dyno and Myte felt confused, but suddenly they gazed at each other. “Dyno…! You are disappearing…!”

“Ah…! So are you!”

Soon they vanished completely. “Dyno…? Myte…?” cried Lightning as the struggled with the monster “What’s going on here?”

Nora: Stupid Lighting. Stupid is what’s going on here.

That’s when a floating sprayer of Brain’s invisible paint seemed to float up right towards him. “What the…” and it sprayed him too. “Hey!” Then he, too, went invisible.

“Lightning…” Brain called “Don’t be frightened. It is all part of my plan. Now listen closely!”

Ert: What? Could you speak up a little bit? I don’t think Dementia can hear you! Speak a little louder so that she can hear.

Soon it was all made clear. With Brain’s spray on them it evened things out. “They couldn’t see the monster, but now it couldn’t see them either. Brain also pointed out, just because they couldn’t see the monster, didn’t mean they couldn’t hear it.

Cornelia: And just because the monster can’t see YOU doesn’t mean that it can’t hear YOU! Granted you’d probably be harder to hear, but not impossible.

Ert: And if you could just figure out where it was by listening, why didn’t you just do that before? How does being invisible yourself help? And why can’t you just dump a bucket of water on this thing’s head and wash all the formula off? Honestly, Mykan keeps setting up monsters with cliched but logical weaknesses and avoids the cliches, not with clever writing, but by going down batshit

Dyno and Myte liked the idea, now all they had to do was concentrate. Sure enough it was easy to tell where the monster way, what with its big feet stomping on the ground and the way the grass move when being walked on. “There is!” cried Lightning. “Get him…!”

Nora: And you just screamed, meaning the monster knows exactly where you are as well.

That’s when he charged ahead and rammed the monster hard knocking it down.

“What’s going on…?” snarled Dementia

Cornelia: Look, even H.P. Lovecraft couldn’t make a fight against something invisible interesting. You can’t

“Looks like the tables have turned.” Krysta said “Or rather… doesn’t look… or uh… meh!” she pulled Dementia’s mane one last time “Aah…!” and then kicked her hard in the nose. “Ohh…!”

Ert: Why does the phrase “Superdickery” come to mind after reading that?

Then she ran over to join the fight. “Time to shine…!” she teased as she sprinkled her fairy dust over the area where the monster was, covering it from head to toe. Now it could be seen perfectly. “All right, Krysta!” called Lightning.

Nora: At least she had the (weak as hell) excuse of being in the jar to explain why she didn’t do this before.

The twins decided to go next and try a little something they learned from the rainbow stone a while ago. “Ready, brother…?”

“I was born ready and so were you.”

Cornelia: Wait, when did they get powered up by the rainbow stone?

Ert: This thing was pulled out of Mykan’s ass so viciously that its still got a little bit of shit on it. And blood.

After finding where each other was, the twins joined hooves, “SHOCK ROCK WAVE!” and they both obvious jumped

Ert: Fucking what?

and pounded the ground very hard. This sent a long path of erupting ground towards the monster, hitting it with such power, almost an explosion.

Ert: THAT DOES IT!

(Wishy Washy Narration Counter: 7)

Nora: And we don’t remember exactly how many other examples of this were in previous chapters, but we feel safe adding three more one.

(Wishy Washy Narration Counter: 10)

Lightning summoned the rainbow rod and began to charge it up. It sure looked funny seeing the rod just float all by itself… except to the monster…!

“RAINBOW FORCE…!”

Ert: It looked funny except to the monster? So the monster thought it was completely normal? What!? Is the narrator drunk? If so I don’t blame him, I’d need to be drunk if my job was reciting this crap.

The monster was hit and vanished, and the magic dissolved. Dementia was outraged. “Time for me to vanish!” she snarled, and she was gone.

Cornelia: Well. That was anti-climatic. Even more so than usual.

“Satisfactory!” cried Brain “Most… Most… MOST satisfactory…!”

“Uh… well… almost.” said Lightning “Think you can wash this paint us now?”

The others just laughed.

Ert: I don’t get it. What’s the joke? That they’re all stupid? I agree but it’s not that funny. It’s more annoying.

Dementia was really in a mess. Her nose was all red and swollen, and she had an ice-bag attached to her sore head. “Uhn…! Look at me! I’m hideous.”

Nora: Krysta can’t be more than two inches high. How can she leave any major damage?

Cornelia: Seriously, this is the most serious injury anyone has ever suffered in this story.

“We heard you the first and thirty-first times!” snarled Rep-Stallion. As the two of them quarreled, Mysterious realized that these monsters were not working, and stealing the invisible paint didn’t work out too well either.

Ert: You had this realization last chapter. What the hell happened to make you forget that? Did Mykan come up with another stupid monster idea and he had to backpedal?

Cornelia: That’s exactly what happened isn’t it?

Ert: Wouldn’t be surprised.

It was decided to continue training to master their knight powers, and nothing more. If he could get the others to quit babbling! “Hey! Hey…! Knock it off you too.” But he soon found himself arguing with them.

Nora: It’s quirky. Or something.

Everyone washed the pain off of them and became visible again.

Ert: Washing pain off? I think you don’t spell that god Mykan.

Brain decided to put his new formula in his safe and work on it another day.

Nora: No he won’t, let’s be honest.

“Well… I must say, this invention certainly gave us more than we bargained for. I shall have to work on it some more and get it working more effectively.”

Ert: Effectively? How about you get it to do what you actually wanted it to do in the first place before you make it effective!?

“Just think…” Krysta pointed out “If Dementia had gotten it for good, we’d be in for it bad.”

Ert: OH GAWDS THE GRAMMAR!

Cornelia: Not really. There’s a limited supply and a rainy day would ruin it.

“Just the same, we managed to get out of another situation, but the sooner we find the other rainbow stones the better.” said Lightning.

Nora: Also you might want to assume that Titan’s minions are just watching you every second. Because there’s a good chance that they are. So stop creating things that can be used against you.

The twins agreed, and decided to run off and train some more. “I’ll show you to the door…” Brain offered, but suddenly he tripped over something. “Oh…!” and fell flat on the floor.

Ert: RHYMEY IS WRITING THE FUCKING NARRATION! ABORT! FUCKING ABORT!

Lightning examined the area where Brain had tripped; there was still one crate that somehow had been coated in paint that Brain didn’t notice. “Well… now who’s a fool?”

Cornelia: Uh, no one. It’s not foolish to trip over something you couldn’t see. Why, was someone else a fool in the first place? The “now” implies a bit of turnabout. That isn’t there.

(In Grand Rulers Palace)

Grand Ruler: “Poor Brain… his invention may have caused a little trouble, but it taught the others how to use their other senses.

Nora: No. No it didn’t. Fairy dust got sprinkled on it and they relied on their eyes after that. And if “the monster is in the direction where the loud noises are coming from” is a lesson Mykan thinks we need to learn, well, I can’t help but wonder if he struggles to see and smell something at the same time.

You know some people and other creatures that cannot see often use their other senses of hearing, smelling, or even feeling to know that something is there, but sometimes even those who that can see can often miss certain things.”

Ert: Your point?

“It is also a good thing to know that just you cannot see something, or haven’t seen it, doesn’t not mean it doesn’t exist or isn’t there, but most importantly

Ert: YOUR POINT!?

… everyone also sees things differently than others. To look at something through your own eyes is simple enough, but to see things through someone else’s is a different matter. It is these things that make us special or different,

Ert: Ah. This explains so much about Mykan. He sees things differently. It’s what makes him “special.”

but it doesn’t make us look, or seem much different than each other. That’s something we must all see every day.”

Ert: In your case, it most certainly fucking does.

“And I’ll SEE you all next time, and keep on believing.”

Nora: Yeah yeah, that old jazz.

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51 Comments on “1365: My Little Unicorn: Magic is Believing (That still means nothing) Chapter 14”

  1. AdmiralSakai says:

    but what were they thinking?

    Cornelia: We don’t know! You’re the narrator! It’s your job to tell us what’s going on, not the other way around! Is Mykan trying to be mysterious or is the poor narrator that’s telling this story just as hopelessly confused as we are?

    But we all know that the answer is “not very much”.

    • batjamags says:

      Wait, they weren’t thinking very much, or not very much is going on?

      I’m guessing the answer is “Yes.”

  2. AdmiralSakai says:

    Were they actually asking for the kingdom to be attacked again just so they could test out new magic?

    Nora: Considering how bored they were before Titan’s minions made a reappearance, it certainly seems that way. Quite the little band of psychopaths.

    No, they decided to let it be and only try to tap into their new powers when the time was right.

    You know, Character Blob, you could just cast your spells against inanimate objects. You don’t have to wait for a valid target to see what they do.

    • batjamags says:

      But… But… But… That would break the Pokemon logic! Everyone knows you can’t write a story unless it runs on Pokemon logic!

  3. AdmiralSakai says:

    and once again, Lightning and Krysta were asked by Cookie Dough to deliver an ordered lunch to Brain show as busy working on a new project.

    Well that sentence certainly went…. somewhere.

    • batjamags says:

      If I’m interpreting it right, Brain’s new project is a TV series called the Brain Show.

      I’m not sure whether that would be more or less annoying than the fic. It would be like Brain’s particular brand of annoying concentrated and expanded to fill up a whole series rather than a bunch of different flavors of annoying mixed into one juicy combination of fail.

  4. SuperFeatherYoshi says:

    I think the title is supposed to be a reference to how the readers slam their faces into their keyboard, hitting the spacebar by accident.

  5. AdmiralSakai says:

    With her concentration broken, the Twins were released, but they couldn’t understand what was going on.

    I know exactly how they feel.

  6. Delta XIII says:

    Cornelia: Carry yourself to the door? Is that even physically possible?

    Goeth: With enough limbs it is!

    Or a mindlessly obedient clone of yourself!

    …I’m starting to think that I may have hallucinated that mad scientist college roommate.

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      Who, Goeth?

      No, he’s right here next to me.

      • Delta XIII says:

        Nah, I keep getting flashbacks of having an unlicensed mad scientist roommate in college.
        Which is weird, because I don’t remember ever going to college, and yet I somehow have a Masters Degree in Multiversal Manipulation.

    • batjamags says:

      That’s silly. Next you’ll tell me the Voices aren’t real.

      You guys are real, right?

      Voices: Kill! Burn! Destroy!

      Yeah, I knew you wouldn’t let me down.

      • Syl says:

        Awww, the Voices talk to you? They have been giving me the silent treatment ever since the string cheese incident.

      • Delta XIII says:

        The most they do with me is distract me while I’m playing video games.

      • batjamags says:

        What? How dare they! Voices, be nice!

        Voices: Consume the flesh of your enemies, and by their blood you shall ascend!

        Now, now, remember what we’ve discussed: eating people isn’t very nice, and neither is distracting them while they’re playing video games. *Hits Voices with a rolled-up newspaper*

  7. Delta XIII says:

    Nora: Oh goodie! Unlawful entering! We can have these two arrested.

    Cornelia: I’ll get the best prosecutor we can on the case!

    Miles Edgeworth?

  8. infinity421 says:

    Face to Space

    What does that even mean!?

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      Actually, at first I thought this was a new low for Mykan in that the title had nothing at all to do with the contents of the chapter.

      Then I realized that it deals with something visible (a face) fading into an apparent void (empty “space”).

      There’s overstretched metaphors, and then there’s metaphors that have to show us on a doll where Mykan touched them.

      • batjamags says:

        Oh, dear god. I’m not sure what’s worse, the fact that you have to expend actual effort to come up with something that stupid, or the fact that Mykan probably did so.

        “What you can’t see can hurt you.”

        There. I came up with a better (not good, mind you, but better) chapter title completely spur-of-the-moment. “Face to space” makes me think of someone looking at the sky (i.e. turning their face toward space).

  9. batjamags says:

    Luckily Lightning and the others hadn’t gone too far and began to dash back immediately as soon as the alarms sounded. “Trust there to be trouble exactly where we were before.” groaned Lightning.

    Ert: That sentence gave me cancer. And polio. And the plague.

    No smallpox?

    *Scribbles on clipboard*

    No, this won’t do at all. I’ll have to start over…

    • GhostCat says:

      Have you been hanging out with Ishi-sensei?

      • batjamags says:

        *Looks both ways*

        No…

        What would give you that idea?

        *Innocent look of innocence*

        *Alarms blare*

        Well, crap.

        *Headshotted in the head*

      • Delta XIII says:

        *peeks head in*
        I’ll be wanting those polio samples back, by the way.

      • batjamags says:

        *Respawns in something suitably embarassing*

        Yeah, yeah, I just need to get them back from… my friend. My friend has them. I haven’t been hanging out with Ishi-sensei, just so you know. I wanted to be clear about that since I deliberately I MEAN ACCIDENTALLY used the DRD as a distraction I MEAN THEY ATTACKED ME.

        So yeah. I’m innocent.

      • Delta XIII says:

        [IMG]https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS43SOZWJHzMAT3dDJIvZKDEV1ztDS6b5oBHm2PMpvJpY19RVy5nQ[/IMG]

  10. batjamags says:

    Brain knew this was troubled, and pressed a big red button on the wall which sounded the alarms to warn the kingdom, and no sooner had he did the door break open and in came a snarling monster made from what looked like, makeup brushes and eyeliner wands.

    Dementia isn’t very creative, is she?

    She even stole her name from a better-known badfic character!

    Wait, nevermind. They weren’t ACTUALLY makeup brushes and eyeliner wands, they just looked like it. I’m surprised they didn’t seemingly almost look like they might possibly be makeup brushes and eyeliner wands.

  11. batjamags says:

    Is it just me, or are the Grand Ruler’s “lessons” getting increasingly more half-assed? If you’re going to obnoxiously clobber the audience over the head with the moral of your story, at least have the decency to start with the moral before you go off writing about invisible eyeliner monsters.

    • TacoMagic says:

      writing about invisible eyeliner monsters.

      It continually amazes me how much worse badfics get when paraphrased.

      • GhostCat says:

        It’s like distilled essence of stupid.

      • batjamags says:

        And it’s fun, too!

        In a distopian My Little Pony AU, a worthless idiot, an even more worthless idiot, an idiot who’s a designated love interest, an idiot rhymes all the time, an idiot who paints all the time, an idiot who gardens all the time, and an idiot who’s supposed to not be an idiot battle poorly conceived and even more poorly implemented monsters unleashed by villains who couldn’t scheme their way out of a wet paper bag. Meanwhile, a supposedly wise and powerful ruler lazes around in his palace explaining the fact that rain can be useful and that different people see things differently.

        Next, watch our brain-dead heroes battle against a sentient toilet to stop Rep-stallion from… Well, to stop Rep-stallion, anyway. When they inevitably win, thrill as the Grand Ruler explains that using a toilet is better than shitting your pants!

        Uh.

        Please tell me that Mykan isn’t going to do that.

  12. TacoMagic says:

    Nora: Also, yeah a super brain. A super brain on loan from Abby Normal.

    Come for the riffs, stay for the Young Frankenstein references.

  13. TacoMagic says:

    Ert: I suspect that Taco would bring up a comparison to Gilligan’s Island on how potentially useful tools are forgotten about forever because of minor mishaps, but considering that the original point of this was to create a strength potion of some kind, I think it’ ok to abandon it. Brain clearly doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing if he tried to make a potion to get stronger and came up with invisibility spray.

    Naw, I’m with you on this one. You’ve got this moron mixing chemicals together to make a magical stamina elixir but instead creates invisible fucking paint. Not only should no-one ever ingest anything this idiot ever makes if he’s using the kinds of ingredients that work well as a wood treatment, but they should stay far, far away from that paint. That shit’s probably radioactive or something. Coating yourself down with any of Brain’s inventions, accidentally created or otherwise, is as likely to end with you dissolving into a pool of bio-jelly as anything else.

  14. TacoMagic says:

    Ert: How the hell does that concept of cavalry even work in this universe? Do unicorns mount other unicorns?

    *An ear-shattering squeal of joy echoes down the hall*

    Dammit. Somebody go calm Eliza down before she breaks all the windows again.

    • batjamags says:

      Do unicorns mount other unicorns?

      That’s what she said.

      Dammit, now I’m going to get Alma’d, and I didn’t even bring the right kind of pie for a distraction.

      *Quietly eats Pecan Pie while awaiting hammery destruction*

      • GhostCat says:

        Ooh, pee-can pie! Or is it one of those fancy “puh-khan” pies?

      • batjamags says:

        Puh-khan, because it’s fancier.

        I’ve heard it pronounced both ways, is that a regional thing or is it like dah-ta vs. day-ta for data where it’s just whatever sounds right?

      • GhostCat says:

        Gramma Ghostie always corrected us if we used the first pronunciation because it made us sound like “a bunch of no-account crackers” in her words and she would tell us that “a pee can is what you keep under the bed at night.”

        Gramma was old school.

  15. TacoMagic says:

    Nora: It’s funny really. Mykan wants to show how cruel and badass his villains are, like when he has Rep lick his scythe, but he’s such a wimp that he can’t even bring Dementia to hurt Krysta, even a little. Dementia could’ve just swatted Krystal and probably killed her, but she’s too much of a pushover to just use a normal jar. Think about that, that means she had to go out of her way to poke air holes in this one, she’s doing this on purpose.

    Fuck. I better not be right about this, but it seems like they’re being set up to be redeemed through the “power of believing” later on. They can’t do anything too evil otherwise Mykan can’t make them good guys later if they’ve actually been bad.

    And by that, I mean Mykan lacks the skill to actually write an evil character who tries for redemption.

    • batjamags says:

      Nah, I think you’re good there. Mykan just doesn’t have the guts to let his main characters be in danger.

      Also, I seem to recall his revealing that the henchmen were constructs created by Titan, so I’m afraid that’s going to be used as a justification for killing them. The fact that they haven’t done anything that bad is just going to be the fridge logic cherry on the stupid sundae.

  16. TacoMagic says:

    Cornelia: Considering that, there’s a good chance her wings were sliced open by a glass shard or the impact broke something. Either way she should be in bad shape.

    Weird little factoid: the smaller you are, the less dangerous falling long distances is for you. Krysta is small enough that a fall at her terminal velocity wouldn’t contain enough kinetic energy to even cause bruising.

  17. "Lyle" says:

    Dementia couldn’t see anything. “You little insect!” she shouted “When I get my hooves on her you I’ll- AAAAHH…!”

    Ah! *points*

    hooves

    Ah! A-hah-ha! Ha!


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