1336: Everybody Likes Chocolate – Chapter Nineteen

Title: Everybody Likes Chocolate
Author: nutin-but-JD
Media:  Book / Movie
Topic: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Genre: Romance
URL:
Chapter Nineteen
Critiqued by Lyle

Warning:  I never thought I’d have to put one of these in a riff for this fic.  Things got fucking creepy fast.  This is a pedophilia warning.  If you’re uncomfortable with old men leering at thirteen year old girls in nightgowns, skip this one.

*takes a deep breath*

Okay, last time on this fic, Bridget went to bed, wandered around, then went back to bed.  She also found that her room was fully stocked with perfectly fitting nightgowns.  It’s getting weird fast, people.

Back with us today is Koori.  How did Barty’s vet visit go?

Koori:  Could have been better.  Gumdrop got bit in the process of hauling Barty into the exam room so I had to pay for two visits to get Gundrop’s wound bandaged.  Then it turns out Barty has a cavity in one of his back teeth that needs to either be filled, or the tooth will need to be pulled.

But sharks cycle through their teeth all the time.  Can’t you just wait for it to move forward and fall out?

Koori:  And let him be in pain for three months until that tooth falls out on it’s own?  Barbaric!

Right.  Of course.  Shall we get on with this week’s riff?

Koori:  I don’t know if I want to with that warning up there.

Chapter 19: Mr Wonka’s Crush

Koori:

Orange-Crush

I wish.

The next morning, I was woken up by the sound of someone coming into my room. I didn’t move, just played like I was sleeping. Obviously that wasn’t a good idea.

Why is it not a good idea to pretend you’re asleep?

“I know you’re sleeping. I can tell.”

Koori:  That’s a really odd thing to announce to someone who is sleeping.  I wonder if the author a word there.

I stayed still. I just wanted to play a little game with him for a while.

Play a little game?  More like you just don’t want to get out of bed.  I can’t really blame you.  I’m a big fan of sleep, myself, and I hate it when someone wakes me up when I don’t want to get out of bed.  I get a little murderous if I’m woken up before I want to be awake.

“Come on, get up…”

“Mmmm… I don’t want to,” I mumbled.

His presence became stronger as he came closer to me. I had my eyes closed, but I could sense something. “Don’t touch me.” I couldn’t sense it anymore.

Uhhh… am I wrong to think that’s a big creepy?

Koori:  No, I’m getting that vibe, too.

Why does she feel like she has to tell him not to touch her?

Koori:  I don’t like where this is going.

*pats Koori’s shoulder*

“Well then! I shall go and eat breakfast by myself… it will all be for me.”

“What’s for breakfast?” I was rather exited.

“You won’t know unless you get up…” Wow he was good.

Not really.  It’s common sense: if you don’t get out of bed, you won’t get any breakfast.

Wait, I was still in my nightgown, I couldn’t get out of bed yet! But I wanted chocolate… oh well, what is the worst that could happen? Not like he would comment or anything right? I pulled the blanket off of myself and sat on the edge of the bed. “My hair!” I screamed. “It’s straight! … And so soft…”

I’m always surprised surprised at how much suck the author can cram into a single paragraph.

Koori:  You would think you’d have learned by now.

You really would think so, wouldn’t you.

*rolls out the chalkboard*

1.) Do you know for certain you’re having chocolate for breakfast?  Or is this an assumption because you’re in a candy factory?  If Wonka ate chocolate for every meal, he’d be the size of Augustus Gloop.

2.)  What kind of nightgown are you wearing that you think he might make a comment.  I assumed it was a modest, Wendy Darling-style frock.  Are you in a babydoll teddy?  If I were an orphaned 13-year-old and had just been adopted, and found my closet stuffed full with a Victoria Secret’s lingerie section, I’d be incredibly concerned about the motives of my lonely, eccentric, adopted father.

3.)  Was your hair not straight and soft before?  Nothing has been described so this isn’t a surprising reveal, it’s a confusing “And?”  And if it wasn’t straight before, how did it become straight?

Koori:  Oh, no… did Wonka sneak in last night and straighten her hair while she slept?

This keeps getting creepier.

“Of course it is, it’s supposed to be.” He became rather tense, I could see it. I went over to the closet again, and got out my wardrobe. He was watching me the whole time. I didn’t like that, it made me uncomfortable. I turned around and went over to him. I picked up something imaginary off the floor. “I think you dropped these.”

f_2a0ec29bef

Dude, get out of the fucking bedroom while she changes!  Jesus H Christ!

“What are ‘they’?”

“They’re your eyes, Mr. Wonka. Now put them back into your head where they belong.”

Koori:  I’m not familiar with this expression.  I thought it was supposed to be a man’s jaw that is supposed to be picked up off the floor, not their eyes.

Well, this fic does have a bad case of Eye Swelling.  Maybe Wonka’s have popped out of his skull from it.

I went into the bathroom and got changed. I had a complete set of hairbrushes, makeup, and anything else I needed. This was amazing! I got completely ready and went back out.

Oh, come on!  *throws a rotten apple at the fic*  She was orphaned at 4, lived in an orphanage until she was 8, and then lived in the streets by herself until now.  When the fuck would she have had time to learn how to put on makeup?!

Koori:  And why does she have to go into her bathroom to change?  Kick Wonka out and change in your room.  It’s your room.  It’s supposed to be your personal space.

“Alright, breakfast is on.”

He just stood there, staring at me. “Stop it! I’m Miss Wonka, not Mrs.!” Did I just say that?

images

Was… was that supposed to be funny?

Koori:  About as funny as a root canal.

Why would she even think to say that?  All he said was that it was time for breakfast.

“What is that supposed to mean?” uh oh, I upset him. I had to cover for that. He gave me the same look, only stronger. I started to giggle. “Stop it!” he was waiting for me to smack him wasn’t he? I wanted to leave the room, but I would have to pass by him. I didn’t want to! I did though, and I walked through the door. I was quickly accompanied by him.

This is a really unhealthy relationship.  Wonka is supposed to be an old man.  She’s 13.  And they’re making awkward attempts at flirting, while at the same time her actions and comments make it obvious that she’s uncomfortable alone with him.

“Now, where did you…” I felt something on my head.

“Here, you will need this too.”

Huh?

It was a hat and a cane. Not completely identical to his, because mine were more precise. The cane was almost the same, only the top was transparent pink and blue.

Please stop trying to word if you don’t know how to word.  “More precise?”  How can a cane and hat be more precise?

We entered the kitchen where Chocol was waiting for us. “It appears that Miss Wonka is a bit… flustered. May I ask why?”

Hey!  It’s Chocol!

Koori:  My favorite character in this whole fic.

“Chocol, may I speak with you privately?”

“Sure, disembodied voice.”

“Yes of course.”

We went into the back room. “I’m afraid that Mr. Wonka has a certain… thing for me Chocol. It’s beginning to scare me.”

You should not be frightened of your guardian.

Koori:  At least she’s talking to a responsible adult.  At least, I think she is.  As far as we can tell Chocol is an adult Oompa Loompa, right?

“What would make you say such a thing?”

“Watch him once, and you will see. He stares at me… in such a… delightful, I mean, unusual way.” We went back out. He had that look on his face.

Koori:  What look would that be?

This one:

bitterbeerface

“You’re right,” Chocol whispered, “I’ve never seen him do this before. It seems that Mr. Wonka has a thing for you. Be careful.”

Careful? Why would I have to be careful? It’s not like it’s dangerous.

Except that you, yourself, have felt weird vibes around him and have felt uncomfortable in his presence.  This is not a healthy situation.  You need to have Chocol smuggle you out of there before something horrible happens.

Koori:  I’d hate to say it, but maybe we need to borrow Mr. Taco’s darkwraiths and organize a rescue party.

You really want to rescue Kitty from this fic?

Koori:  Kitty?  I’m going to rescue Chocol.

I’m not sure Gumdrop would appreciate a second chef in the kitchens.

Koori:  I’ll go ask him!  *poofs out of the room before Lyle can stop her*

Well, then.  I guess we’re done for today.  Sorry for the short riff but I don’t feel like finding out what kind of “romance” will bloom in the next chapter today.  See you all next week!

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13 Comments on “1336: Everybody Likes Chocolate – Chapter Nineteen”

  1. AdmiralSakai says:

    I never thought I’d have to put one of these in a riff for this fic. Things got fucking creepy fast. This is a pedophilia warning.

    I was expecting it since Chapter 1.

  2. AdmiralSakai says:

    The next morning, I was woken up by the sound of someone coming into my room. I didn’t move, just played like I was sleeping. Obviously that wasn’t a good idea.

    Why is it not a good idea to pretend you’re asleep?

    Because people who come by to tell you important things will instead leave?

  3. AdmiralSakai says:

    “I know you’re sleeping. I can tell.”

    Koori: That’s a really odd thing to announce to someone who is sleeping. I wonder if the author a word there.

  4. CrunchyRaptor says:

    *Walks in wearing a hard hat and carrying a clipboard*

    I have a tanker truck outside with a delivery for a Mr. Brian Bleach? Can anyone direct me to-

    *Checks his clipboard again*

    No, that is the shipping manifest. I guess the tanker is full of Brian Bleach. I suppose it may as well be, he is always so full of himself.

    Just a little shipping joke. Anyway, somebody sign this so I can fill up your pool with Brian.

  5. GhostCat says:

    I went into the bathroom and got changed. I had a complete set of hairbrushes, makeup, and anything else I needed. This was amazing! I got completely ready and went back out.

    Oh, come on! *throws a rotten apple at the fic* She was orphaned at 4, lived in an orphanage until she was 8, and then lived in the streets by herself until now. When the fuck would she have had time to learn how to put on makeup?!

    The reek of wish fulfillment is nearly overpowering. She wakes up with perfect hair, assumes she can have chocolate for breakfast, and her ersatz guardian gives her all the makeup. I’m going to assume that the author has never worn makeup before, or she would know that it is an acquired skill that takes lots of practice to keep yourself from looking like a streetwalker or a clown. Hell, it takes practice just to keep from poking yourself in the eye.

  6. AdmiralSakai says:

    So, anything special planned for Post # 1337?

  7. Koori: What look would that be?

    This one:

    [SNIP]

    Cain: *Reflexively shoots console*

  8. Addicted Reader says:

    Kitty seems very conflicted about Mr. Wonka’s attentions. Both creeped out and delighted. This can go nowhere good.


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