1334: Fire Emblem: ReAwaken – Chapter FourteenPosted: February 18, 2016
Title: Fire Emblem: ReAwaken
Media: Video Game
Topic: Fire Emblem
URL: Chapter 14
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck, Sura T’Lenya, and Crunchy Raptor
Sura T’Lenya: So the old triple team is back together again, huh?
Crunchy: *wakes up, looking at the cage* What in—
ST’L: Oh hello Crunchy. Wonderful to see you again.
C: Oh. ‘Tis you, asari.
ST’L: So you’re finally referring to me as my species. I’m touched.
Don’t be too touched. He’s still likely reeling from the time he got kicked right out of the Library by Sterling.
ST’L: The smelly polecat? Swenia has been telling me all about him.
I’ll bet. He’s one strange fellow, that Sterling.
C: So what is she doing here?
Trying to ensure you don’t kill Kale again. Speaking of which… that twist, right?
C: *growls* This is unbecoming to be in this cage.
Well, get used to it, Crunchy: your lightsaber is in a place you can’t reach with the Force, and all objects you can use to break the bars are unavailable as of right now. Trust me, I know you want at Kale, but we can’t kill the Stu yet.
C: But he procreated!
ST’L: And you think killing him now is gonna do anything?
C: He has not married yet, he cannot reproduce if he cannot get married first!
Fair. Still, we need to see where this story goes, yeah? I’d rather ensure we still have a story to snark, thank you.
C: Fine. *sits* I simply hope I get at this Stu later.
ST’L: Cool. And since I’ve got nothing better to do, I might as well sit in on this one.
Great! Fasten your seat belts, kids, this is gonna be a wild one!
So last time, we found out that Kale actually procreates in the future and produces a child.
…much to Crunchy’s great consternation.
We then cut to the next chapter on this:
“So you’re a hundred percent sure?”
“Not a doubt about it in your mind?”
“Not even the slightest chance that-”
“Kale, for the millionth time: Throwing yourself off of this mountain will not kill you! It’s an illusion, not an actual mountain!” Arashi shouts as a gust of wind throws me away from the edge of the mountain and into the center of the plateau. “Now, we are going to discuss this matter like normal people, not like someone who is desperate to escape their problems!”
You gotta hand it to Flip Flop here, he at least is calling Kale on his basic bullshit.
ST’L: Wait, didn’t he get better?
I open my mouth to protest, only to quickly shut it when his growl causes the mountain to shake violently. “Alright, so the problem: You’ve just found out that you’re a father.”
“A father of FOUR!” I correct, holding up an equal amount of fingers. “Four, Arashi, four! That number is never a good thing! I don’t remember anything ever coming in groups of four.
You have one weird-ass memory if you don’t remember anything coming in groups of four.
C: I am fairly certain it is breaking some law of nature if it does not come in a group of four.
In fact, four seems to be the worst number in existence! You know, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse?
ST’L: There are lots of things that come in fours that are good, aren’t there?
Four-leaf clovers, the TMNT, the Beatles, the A-Team… Really, the list goes on.
Also, do you know what the number four sounds like in Japan? And don’t say you don’t. You should know, since you’re able to delve into my memories and all!”
“Yes, it is pronounced like the word for ‘death’, but-“
“Exactly! Death! As in, my children will be the death of me! Or I’ll be the death of my children! …Or both!”
C: And how, pray tell, would you know any of this? You do not strike me as the kind of hardcore Fire Emblem fan who would play all of the Japanese games with no translation patch.
ST’L: There are people that bored?
Probably. You never know with the American Fire Emblem fandom.
We can actually at least take solace in the fact that Kale isn’t technically wrong: there is more than one way to say “four” in Japanese, sure, but the comparison does apply. The specific word that applies to this comparison is ‘shi’, which can also mean death. They use different kanji, granted, but they do sound the same.
ST’L: Looks like that Alex or Nathan guy could use a pointer from Kale.
I grab my head in my hands and collapse to the ground. “I can’t be a father… How am I supposed to take care of four kids? I can barely take care of myself.”
C: At least he is not deluding himself.
So of course, the smart thing to do would be to find some other way to ensure the kids are well taken care of, right?
I know I must sound like I’m overreacting, and I’m sure I am, but at the same time, this is pretty much my family’s biggest joke come true. My mom always said that one of her kids would have a big group of children of their own, since her mom had a lot herself. Woe and behold, it came true… for me… Thanks Grandma…
And already I can tell he’s a terrible father. I mean, shit, even Billy Bigelow was all “I gotta do my best”:
And he… um… kind of had the unfortunate habit of being a little… uhm… too rough with his wife.
ST’L: He’s a little abusive, isn’t he?
Hey, Carousel was written in the 40’s, okay? It was a different time!
C: Are you not the one who normally chastises fiction for trivializing such subjects?
… Moving on!
“Kale, you do realize that, by all technicality, you are not the father of Daven and his siblings, right?” I look up into one of the glowing red orbs in confusion. “Well, not yet at least. According to what I’ve managed to gather from this ‘game,’ the period of time between the present and revival of Grima was a decently long interval. At the very least, I’d say around two decades. He and his siblings haven’t been born yet, so you have time to get used to the idea of being a parent.”
“But Daven’s about the same age as me, give or take maybe a year or so!”
And? The only reason that’s true is because he did the Time Warp.
ST’L: Trust me, long lifespans versus short lifespans are things asari deal with all the time. I’d love to meet either a matron or a matriarch whose children have done the time warp. And anyway, he still brings up a good point: you’re finding out now, instead of nine months ahead of when the baby pops out of the mother. I don’t know about you, but this two decades of time would be perfect for me to figure out how to be a good parent to my children.
I do wonder, though, if Arashi remembers that the time he described is actually the timeline of the kids from the bad future being sent back to make things right, not the awakening of Grima. Still, he’s got a little more time.
C: The King of the Basics, ladies and gentlemen!
The orbs bob from side to side, as if trying to say both yes and no. “Yes, but look at it this way: it means that sooner or later, you’ll find that special someone! That’s something to be excited about, right?” My head droops again as I realize that he’s right: in addition to having four kids, I’m going to have a wife… A wife and four kids. How am I supposed to handle that? I’m pretty sure I’d rather be facing Grima stark-naked at this point. It’d be a bit less terrifying. It might even be less humiliating when I get eaten by him.
Wait until he finds out that Myra might end up fathering his children.
ST’L: How would you know?
You can usually tell by facial features, believe it or not. The kids in Fire Emblem tend to share facial features with their mothers more than their fathers: they only get hair color from the father, and from the mother they get everything else. This is probably not accurate to the real world since this assumes gameplay carries over, but usually you can tell thanks to a close comparison of people’s facial expressions. Especially since there’s no age factor to account for.
C: But why Myra?
Come on, you see all the belligerent sexual tension between those two! There’s no way that the author would allow that to go to waste!
C: Apart from the fact that he shares chemistry with Krysta, anyhow.
“Look, things may not seem like it right now, but it should all turn out well enough. Just have a bit of faith in yourself. Now, I think it’s time to wake up and face the music.
*points up at Gordon MacRae* I think I’ve already—
Or, in this case, your- What in the world?!”
I turn my head just in time to see a large, shimmering, gray portal appear on the other side of the plateau. A few moments pass before a figure steps through it and onto the hard earth. A certain figure who I was really hoping would stay away. “Ah, so this is where you’ve been hiding.” the odd being from my dreams says as it examines the mountain. “I suppose it makes sense that such a cancerous creature as yourself would run and hide, eager to escape the surgeons that would eradicate you.”
Oh, it’s this idiot again.
ST’L: All in favor of skipping as much of this scene as we can?
Kale stands up for himself again, by saying…
“You talked really big a couple of days ago, saying that I was a curse upon this world. And you know? You might just be right. But, I’m a firm believer of fixing my mistakes, and if I did screw up this world just by being here, I promise I’ll do everything I can to fix it. That future you showed me isn’t going to happen, not while I can do something about it!”
C: Sterling would be proud.
Yep. Anyway, the figure then is all “yeah, yeah, that’s cute, I’ll keep watching you”. Arashi of course gets pissed off about this thing threatening Kale, so it tries to jump in and attack the guy. The attack is easily deflected, of course, and then this guy vanishes.
And that is when Kale wakes up, to…
I wake up screaming and-“OW!”- promptly hit my head on something hard. “Son of a bitch…” I mutter, rubbing my sore forehead. Cracking open my eyes, I see my… son standing to the side of my bed, rubbing his own forehead. …I think I just called my wife a bitch and I haven’t even met her. That’s a really bad sign, right there.
And more proof that Myra’s the mommy!
C: You really want Myra to be the mother of his children.
Well of course! She’s the only wife he’ll have who wouldn’t waste a second calling him on his basic bullshit!
“Were you watching me while I was asleep?” Because if so… I raised you in all the wrong ways…
Hey! It may be creepy, but Edward Cullen this is not! Besides, he’s your son, I think he’s allowed.
So Daven tells Kale that he wasn’t out for long, mentioning he looked like he was in a coma before asking if he’s alright. Kale is of course addressed as “father”, so he responds…
I visibly flinch at the word. Ugh, I really don’t want to hear that word… But, I guess I wouldn’t mind knowing just a little about my future. It could be helpful in the long run. I’ve got to play it safe though. “Alright, look Daven: I’m not going to lie and say I don’t believe your story, about me being your father and all. But, before I absolutely believe you, I’m going to have to hear the entire story: where or when you came from, why, and who you came with.”
ST’L: Wait, really? Isn’t this guy supposed to know all that already?
Granted, I know exactly when he came, where he came from, and why he came, but this way, I can play it off like I’m as confused as can be with no knowledge of the way this story plays out.
ST’L: … That’s a pretty fucked up way of saying “I’m going to manipulate my children”.
C: I do not blame him. Only an idiot would take such a story at face value anyhow. Far better to verify such a story is true, and he has exactly the right tools to do so.
Yeah, a lot of the parents needed a little extra proof before believing who their children were in-game, too. It wasn’t explored this in-depth, but it was still explored.
ST’L: I guess that’s fair. Still pretty fucked up, though.
He shifts on his bed uncomfortably as a nervous look crosses his face. “Ah… well… I’m not really sure if I can talk about that…” he mutters, much to my displeasure. “Y-you see, there’s a certain person who wouldn’t really appreciate me talking about this. And this certain person already doesn’t like me that much…” He laughs nervously and scratches the back of his head. “So, uh, just don’t worry about it.”
C: And? This person is not near you now, is he? What he does not know will not hurt you at all, right?
Yeah, except for the fact that I’m pretty sure most people would know you’d be in the past for a reason. Kale already knows the reason, of course, so I’m sure he’ll find some way to pull it out of Daven, right?
“Daven,” I start, trying to sound as authoritative as possible, “I’m not an idiot. You didn’t come from the future just to say hello, if you even did come from the future. The only reason someone would do something like that is if there was a massive threat that was on the horizon.
Or it could have been to escape Libyan terrorists.
ST’L: I don’t think Daven quite knows human popular culture nearly that well, though. Marty McFly, these guys ain’t.
After this, Daven gives the info dump about the Fell Dragon Grima, and then mentions the information I gave at the end of last week’s snarking. Kale asks after Daven’s siblings, to which Daven says…
He shakes his head vigorously. “I’m sorry Father, but Lu- Marth swore us all to secrecy. He didn’t want us to possibly influence the future in a bad way. That also means I’m not allowed to tell you who our mother is, so don’t bother asking.” Huh, Lucina thought of everything.
Except, you know, for that part of the game where Lucina’s identity was discovered anyway and it ended up helping anyhow because Lucina saying something was what ultimately caused Basilio to fake his death which was thus what was ultimately able to stop Grima, but okay.
ST’L: You can’t possibly expect me to believe Lucina saw that coming, though.
True, but it’s worth mentioning!
“…But I suppose I can at least say this: our ages. I doubt that would hurt anything”
Not really, but it doesn’t really serve much of a purpose, now, does it?
Cy: Unless one of them turns out to be Force sensitive and can be trained to—
I know what you’re thinking, and no: you may not steal one of his children to become your own personal Kylo Ren.
ST’L: I’m on orders to shoot you if you try.
C: … You work fast, parrot.
You know it!
Anyway, Daven is all “I’m 19, my youngest siblings are actually twins, yadda yadda yadda”. Kale then does a bunch of math and makes a comment about having twins, which is responded to by—
So, are you satisfied? Do you plan on throwing yourself off any mountains or tall structures anytime soon?” Arashi grumbles. “Maybe I should see if I can get a Pegasus Knight to take you as high as they can go before you jump?”
C: And apparently, he is now taking on the role of caustic guardian as well. Does this thing have any consistent characterization?
Anyway, Kale repeats “better not let the fear ruin my life”, before he’s all “okay, fine, I believe you”, which is responded to by Daven glomping his ass. He’s overjoyed, cries tears of joy, and then we get…
Suddenly, it hits me. I knew he was my son- the ring told me that much- but I didn’t feel like he was my son. Now, with him holding onto me for dear life and crying into my shoulder… Something just kicks in and before I know it, I’m wrapping my arms around him. “Hey, it’s alright, it’s alright. I’m not going anywhere, okay? I’m right here.” I whisper soothingly. “Just let it all out. It’s alright.” I’m not sure where the words or actions are coming from. It just feels… right. Is this paternal instinct? …I might not be such a horrible father after all.
ST’L: Aw, that is kind of… sweet?
Kind of, yeah. Still a little annoying it’s with these two, but hey.
So then Daven lets go, and then we get a conversation where Kale is all “sorry, can’t cry”. Of course, Kale is all “I can’t have taught you that”, to which Daven essentially says “you didn’t”, and we get a conversation on track which ends with:
Many sayings, huh? Kalisms?
ST’L: *snerk* What the hell is that?
C: I am not certain, but I do find that it is rather amusing.
I hope you mean “it’s dumb enough that it’s retroactively amusing”.
C: What other form of amusing is there?
I stand up from my bed and extend my hand. “And it’s great to finally meet you, son.” Somehow, saying the word just seems natural at the moment, like I’ve said it a thousand times. He takes my hand and shakes it firmly. “Okay, now that our little father/son moment is over, I think we need to set up some ground rules.”
He nods. “I agree. No calling each other father or son around others, just in private. Also, I’m going to do everything I can not to clue you into who mother is. It could mess things up in the long run.”
“And no public displays of affection. We don’t want people getting the wrong idea, okay?”
Someone should sit Kale in front of the second third of María la del Barrio to show him why this is an absolutely terrible idea.
C: I assumed the title character of that show hide the truth from her son as well as everyone else.
Yeah, but that doesn’t excuse what happened when she finally revealed the truth to him and only him. And then brought her to stay in her house. With her husband. Who thought he was her lover because she was unusually doting on the young boy as I imagine Kale could eventually be if he isn’t careful. Which means rumors will still circulate regardless, because that kind of connection is hard as hell to hide. Which is something she apparently never learned.
C: How is it that her husband thought a fourteen-year-old boy was in any way the lover of a twenty-nine year old woman?
C: *nods* This, parrot, is why you should not point out logic problems in a fanfic by comparing the plot to the plot of a telenovela.
I was just saying it was going to blow up in Kale’s face at some point!
ST’L: What the hell are you two going on about? This is for fanfiction, not telenovela. Whatever that is.
*rubs hands* Oh, Sura, I need to introduce you to the wacky world of the telenovela some day.
Anyway, Daven is like “um, why?” And then he’s all “you’re coming with me”. To which we get…
He smiles. “Y-yes sir!” he says, not lacking any enthusiasm. He turns and runs-
-right into the door…
Jesus Christ, and I thought onomatopoeia was bad enough when they weren’t stealing my sound effects.
ST’L: Hey, chin up, kid. At least it isn’t happening twice this time.
“I’m alright… I’ve had worse happen to me.” he mutters while holding his forehead. “Trust me, this isn’t bad compared to some of the stuff I’ve run into.” Opening the door, he shoots me another smile before dashing out-
-and crashing into someone.
*glares at Sura*
ST’L: … I take that back.
Anyway, Daven runs off, and then Arashi is all “you seem kinda happy about this, though”. Kale is like “you know what, I think I can do it”. Arashi, of course, thinks Kale will be a good father, and then…
Kale, I doubt you have anything to worry about. Other than him being a walking disaster zone, that is.”
I shrug. “Well, I’m sure that it isn’t that bad. Consider it an interesting bit of his character. Besides, not all of my children can be as bad, can they?”
“You know I have knowledge of your world, so I would like to say that… you just tempted Murphy.”
And that’s another excellent zinger from Arashi.
Anyway, we then cut to everyone meeting up at the doorway. Kale goes on about the scenery for a bit, before Krysta gives Kale a hug. She’s all “sorry I can’t do anything about your problem”, but then she’s all “glad you’re okay, though”. She also praises the new look, and before anything else can happen Libra is all “attention duelists”.
C: Have we just skipped some ship tease?
Libra then gives this big speech thanking Kale for all he’s done, before mentioning that Daven is leaving the monastery. Of course…
As he says this, I spot two monks giving each other a very suspicious glance. One that makes me think they’re thinking, ‘Yeah right.’ Miss him dearly, my ass… If I ever see those two again, they’re going to have first-class tickets to meet God. You don’t treat my son that way.
“As I said, you’ll make a fine father.”
“Yes, you’ll make a fine father when you beat the shit out of anyone who mocks your son. Because violence is always the first answer to everything!”
C: He did provide an ample demonstration of that during that test of character.
True, but that doesn’t make it any less valid to frame it like that.
So then Kale—
“Thanks Arashi.” With Libra’s speech over, I eyeball the offending duo until they enter back into the monastery. “Hey, Daven, those two monks standing near the back of the group: do you know what their names are?” I point out at where the two are entering the building.
He glances over to the two and shrugs. “Not really.” he admits. “I’ve seen them around, but not that often. Usually the two of them organized the books in the library. They were… heh… kinda there for my little incident, so I don’t think I left to great of an impression on them.” He faces away from me in embarrassment, though curiosity makes him look back. “Wait, why did you want to know who they were?”
“Oh, no real reason.” I lie, watching the two of them go through the doors. One of them tosses a glance back towards Daven and sneers. I give him the most intimidating glare I can muster up and he quickly retreats inside. Hope those two don’t mind if I put ‘Obnoxious Librarians 1 and 2’ on their tombstones… All I’ll need is the right place and time, and scratch two-
C: I believe you may be taking it too far now, King of the Basics.
“…You may be taking it too far now.”
“Just a bit. You might want to save planning out someone’s murder for more serious offenses. You know, if they had beaten him up or tried to kill him; something along those lines.”
ST’L: At least someone agrees with you.
I don’t even care that it’s our bullshit guardian who can’t decide what he wants to be like, I’ll take it!
So then Marco is all “Ylisstol is this length of time away”, and then Albert is like “hey, I know an inn not far from there!”. So then the group heads off to Ylisstol, and we get a line break to the next scene, which opens with Krysta humming a nostalgic tune. We get a long paragraph about the memories it conjures up, and then Genevieve the Whiny decides to ask Krysta what she’s singing.
Krysta replies it’s a tune of her mother’s, and it brings back a bunch of fond memories. She also mentions it doesn’t have a name, to which Genevieve responds by “that’s a shame, you should totally name it!”, even going so far as to offer her assistance to that effect. Krysta then turns it around and asks Genevieve about how she does her hair to do the pink streak thing. And then Genevieve is just all “oh, sure, but I can make it another color too, you know, let me see what works for you”.
ST’L: You’re skipping that scene, aren’t you?
*shrug* I don’t see why not. I mean, it’s relatively harmless, it provides a quiet character moment after the chaos of the last couple of chapters, it lets us get to know these people, and for once Genevieve isn’t being an annoying character worried about her reputation.
C: And you are not worried that these women are speaking of stereotypically ‘girly’ things?
Do I need to remind you that From another world found a far worse way of passing the Bechdel test?
We then cut to Myra, and—
Myra was not the happiest person at the moment. Her feet were beginning to ache dreadfully, a combination of the rough road and her shoes not being in the best of condition. “If only someone would carry me…” she muttered to herself softly.
ST’L: Hey, at least she kind of has a legitimate reason to complain about her feet aching. Though I wonder why she’s walking in those shoes in the first place if they’re in that bad a shape. I’d have asked the monastery if they had any spare shoes I could use.
And yeah, how did those shoes get damaged in the first place?
C: It could be potential wear and tear.
Fair enough, but that needs to be established first, don’t you think? This just makes it feel like it’s coming out of—
“Marco could do it. He did it all the time when we were younger!” She frowned when she realized that was not a possibility. “But I couldn’t ask him to do that not with so many people around…” Growing irritated with herself, she stomped her feet on the ground. “Ugh, why am I so hung up on this? I need to tough this out, not complain!” With that, she took another step forward, onto a particularly sharp rock that made her let out a squeal of pain.
Hearing the cry, a certain cavalier stopped his horse and turned around, raising a curious eyebrow when he saw the girl clutching her foot in pain. “Um, are you alright, miss?” Albert asked, somewhat cautiously. He still remembered how furious she was back when he hadn’t used her name back at the mansion.
C: Well, there are worse ways this could affect the group, I suppose. Thankfully, she may not get angry and—
“Miss what?” she asked, her tone somewhat threatening. Albert’s face instantly turned white in fear. He’d hoped he could get away by using ‘miss’ instead of her real name, which for some reason kept escaping his tongue whenever he would try and speak to her. “My name is MYRA!” she growled, looking up at him. “Four letters! Four. Simple. Letters!”
ST’L: Did she find out she just got implanted with the coochipede or something?
I don’t think she did.
ST’L: Then what’s her problem? Sheesh, her foot is aching and she may be doing damage to it, but suddenly the true outrage that demands a complaint is that someone forgot your name? Damn, I’d hate to see what Pallin would say to this girl.
Albert apologizes, and then he asks what’s wrong. Myra responds:
She grunted. “It’s just that my feet are sore. It’s not a big deal.” she muttered, looking away from him. “My shoes are wearing out, not that I can do anything about it. I’ve had these shoes for a long time, and there hasn’t been enough money with Marco and I to buy a new pair, so I’m just stuck with them.”
“I mean, I could just get on your horse, but that’d be a burden to a—
ST’L: Whoah, where’d you get that?
Read the title. Either way, there’s the horse right there. I’m sure nobody will think of it, though.
Thinking about this for a moment, Albert snapped his fingers. “Hey, why don’t you just hop up here on Ally for a bit?” he offered, earning a glare. “What? Consider it an apology for forgetting your name so often.” He gave her an earnest smile, though in the back of his mind, all he could think of was why he couldn’t remember her name to save his life. He extended his hand to her. “Here, I’ll even help pull you up.”
And suddenly, Albert is continuing his track towards becoming the best character in this fic. Bit of a lawful stupid person, but he’s a chivalrous one at least.
C: Bah, such kindness does not suit one of this party.
Let it go, Crunchy. At least it won’t be an excuse for lame slapstick.
Looking at the hand, Myra shrugged. “Oh, why not? A ride’s a ride, after all.” Accepting his hand, she let out a small yelp as he pulled her up and onto the saddle, directly behind her. Suddenly, the world seemed much higher up, a feeling she was not exactly used to. “So… what do I do now?” she asked, nervous about being on top of the animal.
“Oh, you know. Just hold on tight and try not to- wait, have you never rode a horse before?” A quick look behind him at her face made him refrain from any further remarks. “Right, like I said, just hold on tight.” He whipped the reigns lightly. “Let’s go, girl.” he said in a gentle but firm tone. Ally whinnied and started trotting forwards.
Myra didn’t even have time to let out a shriek of surprise as she fell off of the back of the horse, landing on the ground with a surprised yelp. Seeing the odd looks she was getting from everyone around her, she quickly jumped to her feet and dusted herself off. “I’m alright! Just a little accident!” she called, trying her best to hide the scarlet that was appearing on her pale face.
ST’L: You’re hoping that’s not lame slapstick, right?
Yes, Sura. Yes I am.
“So, I’m going to guess that you’ve never ridden a horse before, huh?” Albert asked, a small smirk on his face.
Ack! Ninjas, get the bolt tape, Taco might need restraining!
C: Is it not Cerbersheep that patrols the halls now?
I don’t know anymore, it changes so often it’s not even funny!
Hopping off of Alexandria, he grabbed her reigns and motioned for Myra to hop onto the horse. “I’ll lead her and you can ride. I’ve been needing a bit of exercise anyways.” He expected a ‘thank you’, but instead received her brushing past him and clambering onto his horse. “You’re welcome…” he muttered, somewhat upset.
“Ah, this feels sooo much better than walking.” Myra said with a little laugh. “I really can’t thank you enough, Albert.”
ST’L: Urgh, such a snob.
And it’s not even like Maribelle where her snobbery is kind of endearing and she’s otherwise a pretty good person. Myra is just needlessly mean-spirited about everything! Including someone forgetting her name
“Really, it’s no problem. No problem at all…” he grumbled. An idea suddenly formed in his head. “Though, if you want to thank me, there is one thing you could do.” She looked at him and tilted her head, motioning for him to continue. “Well, I guess you could consider it an exchange, to be honest. If I were to give you riding lessons, would you mind teaching me about magic?”
She crossed her arms and looked at him, puzzled. “Why would I need riding lessons and-” She stopped as she nearly fell off of Ally, the scarlet on her face returning. “Okay, I might take the lessons. But why would you want to take magic lessons?”
Turning back to face the road, Albert shrugged. “I dunno. It’s just something I’m a bit curious about, is all. I never had a chance to study it at the academy, since it was a school for knights mostly, but after seeing you and a few other people use it… I guess I’m just interested in it, is all.”
C: Why was this fic not about Albert instead of Kale? I would much rather have Albert for an adversary. At least then I would have standards.
Yeah. It’s pretty sweet that—
C: Also, parrot, what was that you said about Myra being Daven’s mother?
C: Never look before you leap, parrot.
Anyway, Myra is like “we’ve got a deal, though I am a strict teacher”. Of course, Albert is all “I doubt you’re worse than the academy’s teachers, to which—
He didn’t bother to look back and see the mischievous glint that appeared in Myra’s eyes.
If he had, it might have saved him trouble later on.
Oh, just show the slapstick montage now, why don’t you?
Anyway, we then get a line break, and we get a brief summary of Kale in the inn. He thinks a bit about the inn at Alech and how the one they’re in at that moment is so much better, when…
“Well, that’s not exactly a fair comparison. This inn has people from all over Ylisse coming to stay in it when they travel to Ylisstol. Alech was, well, in the sticks.” Arashi comments.
“Yeah, yeah, just go back to… whatever it is you do when I’m not talking to you.”
You mean the formless void?
ST’L: Never mind that: what the hell is he doing talking to his guardian like that?
C: It does seem a touch uncouth, does it not?
I go to grab another bite of the steak they’re serving for dinner, only to stop.
And that was when he realized “wait a second, why are they serving steak in a lowly inn, and why are they not serving this in a meat pie or something like that?”
“Actually, what do you do when I’m not talking to you? Are you trying to find your body?”
“Actually, I’ve taken quite the interest in your world. I’ve been delving into various memories and experiences that you’ve had and I must say, you come from an amazing place.”
“Not really. Back when I was there, it seemed like it was going to hell in a handbasket. Personally, I blame the Four P’s: Pollution, Politics, Poverty, and Pills. And before you ask, I use ‘Pills’ because it’s all anyone takes anymore, even if they’re not sick.”
C: Wonderful. Just when I felt there was nothing more this man could do that could make us actively hate him, he has an Ulrich-Stu moment.
No kidding. Can someone please tell this idiot that there’s no such thing as a perfect world?
“No world is perfect, Kale. They will all have their problems.”
Oh. Thank you, Arashi.
“True, but its not like we were doing much to fix ours.” I hear him grumble in agreement before the pain fades away, meaning we’re done talking and he’s gone back to invading my privacy.
Okay, that’s fair, whatever. Still doesn’t mean you get to bitch about stuff.
ST’L: You’re in a good mood.
Well, Sura, funny you should mention that…
And with that, this is two Rodgers and Hammerstein references in one installment of snark!
C: Of course you would attempt that.
I take a few more bites of my steak before pushing away my plate into the rapidly growing pile in the center. “Well, I think that about does it for me.” I laugh, leaning back into my chair. There are mutters of agreement from just about everyone as they do the same.
Um… Taco, what inn in Medieval Europe would ever have anything even approximating an all-you-can-eat style buffet?
Daven then takes off, heading towards his room. We then get a thing where Kale goes into who’s rooming with whom, and then Kale is like “tomorrow is gonna be big, right?” So then Marco mentions that Albert is going to go to the knights, which of course, Albert responds to with shining—
“No you don’t.” he says, shaking his head. “I’ve… given it some thought. I’m going to take a guess and say you all plan on going into mercenary work, right?” We all nod, save Genevieve. “Well, chances are that I won’t be welcomed back into the nights with open arms. I already wasn’t too popular with them and if they find out I survived the incident with the mansion, they’ll more than likely label me a coward. I’d have a massive target on my back, so it’s not the best idea for me to do that.”
ST’L: Yeah, go with that. And good luck when they eventually find you and tell you that you basically became a coward anyway by not going up to their asses and actually telling them what happened. You know, the way a person with any sense of personal responsibility would.
So then Albert is like “take me along with you”. Genevieve also is like “hey, bring me too!” And then Kale adds “I guess Daven is in, too”. Marco is like “sure”, and then is all “we’ll need to find somewhere to stay in Ylisstol, and I’ve got business to attend to, and let’s all go to bed”. So everyone heads off to bed, and Kale walks to his room to see…
When I get there, I see Daven sitting on the edge of his bed, a concerned look on his face. “Something the matter?” I ask.
“It’s just… I told you about how Grima is going to return, yes?” I nod. “Then what are we going to do about it? I mean, that was my entire purpose for returning to the past, but… I’m at a loss for what I can do. All I was told to do was to find a way to prevent it and that was it.”
Well, that was shit planning on Lucina’s part.
While that is shit planning on Lucina’s part, you do have to remember: technically, the thing that sets off the chain of events that allows Grima to go unchallenged isn’t going to happen for another year or so.
C: That still does not answer why she did not see the need to tell anyone. Or indeed, how Daven does not know himself.
ST’L: After all, if his future went to shit, I’m pretty sure he’d know what happened, right?
He would, yeah. Which I guess is just nonsense to add to the nonsense pile.
C: Bah, they will probably rejoin the main plot at that point, so I am certain it will not matter.
Yeah, but that’s poor form when you can answer that with “they’ll stumble into it anyway” given the events of canon, you know? That’s just… no!
I grunt and lie down on my bed. “I don’t know about you, but here’s what I plan on doing.” He looks over to where I’m laying. “I’m going to live my life and do what I can. If, somehow, I find a way to help stop this thing from becoming a reality, then I promise I will help you with all of my power.” I turn my head to look at him. “That’s your father’s promise.”
Smiling, he nods and lies back onto his bed. “Thank you, Father. I needed to hear that.”
ST’L: Yeah, because hearing “I’m basically going to wait until I bump into a solution” is what you need to hear in a time-intensive situation. *shakes her head* And didn’t he say he knows the events of the games?
C: Well, like many self-insert Stus, he likes to keep it secret until the last moment.
“No problem.” I respond. I get ready to close my eyes when I hear a certain someone start to laugh. “What’s so funny?”
“Don’t give me that, tell me what you’re laughing about!”
Arashi’s silent for a minute. “Well, I just had a bit of a thought… You remember how at the end of the ‘game’, there’s a little legend for each of the ‘characters’?” I nod, not liking where this is going. “Well… you have four children… so I began to think what your legend might include, and-“
“I’d stop right there if I were you. Otherwise, I’ll never help you find your body.” He sighs sadly. Oh well, too bad for him. I don’t want to hear how the bards will likely sing of how I couldn’t keep my hands off of my-
He begins laughing again, uncontrollably and loudly, while I start blushing furiously.
C: And now he is a troll. I suppose we should start a counter of how many split personalities this Arashi character has.
ST’L: You’d do that? What’d the point be, you’d probably run out of personalities really soon.
He does have a point, though. He’s had so many conflicting personality traits by this point it’s a wonder I haven’t started a counter yet. But I dunno… I’ll give it one more personality trait before the counter goes up.
“Good night.” I growl, turning over onto my side and shutting my eyes, trying to think about anything ‘bard’ related. This day just went bad. Somewhere deep down, I feel like this was bound to happen. Well, at least it was just a bit of embarrassment and nothing major.
…I just invoked Murphy’s Law again. Shit.
We then get a line break, when we cut to…
Somewhere in Ylisse, in a dark cavern, the masked mage was conducting a ritual, standing on a dais. Figures dressed in black surrounded a pile of corpses that were laid out in the middle of a circle. The Mark of Grima was painted on the wall above him, shining in the light of torches that ringed the cavern. “The preparations are complete.” the mage announced, causing a shudder of excitement to pass through the crowd. “Bring forth the Catalyst.” he commanded, pointing towards a break in the figures.
Okay, calling it now. This was the ritual MaesterDimentio had in mind:
A group of them shifted aside to allow a monstrous creature to pass.
C: I did not know you could remove the heart of a dragon with only your bare hands. Would that not require more than just a single hand?
Hm… That’s very true, isn’t it? Is it even a dragon, though? Dragons aren’t that frequent in Fire Emblem, and when they do they usually aren’t malevolent.
C: Apart from the Elibe-verse games, you mean.
Well, even the Elibe-verse dragons being totally evil is debatable, given what we know about Arcadia. And besides, knowing this fic, it could be something else entirely…
It had a black body and a red head and appeared to be made of some type of slime or thick liquid, as parts of its body seemed to drip off of it.
So it’s the blob. Called it!
ST’L: Of course you did.
Slowly, and with grunts of what sounded like pain, it made its way to the center of the pile of bodies. The mage gave it a sharp nod. With that command, it dissolved into a mass of black and red ooze that swept over the bodies in the circle.
The mage waited a few seconds before beginning to recite an incantation. As he did it, the torches that lined the cavern walls flared up, their flames changing from orange to black, though they somehow still gave off light. The Mark of Grima on the wall began to shine with new life as the bodies began to move towards the center of the circle, the Catalyst’s form pulling them all together. Slowly, they began to merge together, the body of the Catalyst stretching and contorting over the corpses until it formed a perfect black and red sphere around them.
With a raspy laugh, the mage threw his hands into the air. “It is done!” he announced. “Tell Validar that his plan can go ahead and that he shall have my full support.” The figures began to mutter darkly as the mage descended from his platform and walked over to the sphere, placing his hands over it. “Yes… all of my support…” he muttered as something within the sphere moved against his hand.
Oh shit, it’s Ted! How the hell did he get in there?
C: Likely through the same interdimensional portal Kale appeared in.
Anyway, after this, we get an author’s note, but since I feel we don’t need to visit those anymore I’ll just end the snarking here.
ST’L: Which leaves us back with this guy. Now, we don’t want to keep you in there forever, but we don’t want you to kill us either. You’re not going to, right?
C: I am calm now.
ST’L: Good. *sets Crunchy free* Be a good Sith Lord and mind yourself from now on.
C: You are not my mother.
I’m pretty sure your mother left you.
Anyway, I’ve been Herr Wozzeck, and I’ll see you guys next week when we dive further into this fic!