1328: Samurai Jack meets Batman Beyond – Chapters 3 & 4Posted: February 12, 2016
Title: Samurai Jack meets Batman Beyond
Topic: Samurai Jack/Batman Beyond
URL: Chapter 3
URL: Chapter 4
Critiqued by Ghostcat with “special” guest Syl
Welcome back, gentle-Patrons!
I have returned with another pair of chapters in the fic that is quickly turning into a fifty-canon pile up. Not a lot happened last time; there was some vague back story about Aku creating a trans-dimensional army to defeat Jack and take over all the things, but instead of sending the army after Jack Aku ordered a couple of bounty hunters to take care of it.
“Then the idiots set fire to a noodle bar.”
Right, the fire. After that, Batman kidnapped Jack and took him to the Batcave, although every thing was so Void-ish that they could really be in any cave filled with high-tech gear.
“Whatever that gear might be.”
It’s safe to say that this fic has an excellent chance of being nominated for this year’s Most Formless Void in the Sucktastic Awards.
I am your intrepid Librarian Ghostie, and joining me today, to my great reluctance, is our resident trans-dimensional navagatrix, Syl.
:Syl blows kisses to the Patrons:
I can’t seem to get rid of her; the only way to make her leave is to ask sensei to visit, and he’s off cataloguing gnat knuckles or something.
“Is that what they call it now?”
Don’t start. Let’s just get on with it, shall we?
“Please allow me to introduce myself.
“I’m a woman of wealth and taste. I’ve been around for a long, long year. Stole many a man’s soul to waste.”
… I know you’re paraphrasing the lyrics from Sympathy for the Devil, but that is eerily spot-on for you.
My name is Terry McGinnis.
“You’re starting that early.”
Batman does not introduce himself to people with his real name! He’s not that upstart Iron Man from the Marvel ‘verse, he actually wants to keep his secret identity a secret!
These are my friends Snake-Eyes, Ben Tennyson, Cole, Rex, and Sora.
“Still have no idea who these people are.”
I really don’t want to do a SC style info-dump on all these characters, but I might not have a choice since the fic is giving the audience nothing thus far.
We’re all part of the resistance agains’t Aku’s evil reign. We’ve been desperately trying to find you, Jack.”
“Should have hired the bounty hunters; they just type in a few numbers and Hey, presto! There he was.”
You’re not going to let that go, are you?
“Tell me are there more of you?”
Could be, there’s quite a lot of Void around here for them to hide in.
“I certainly didn’t tuck a few extras into my pockets.”
:glares at Syl: That was a strangely specific denial.
“Was it? I didn’t even notice.”
“Yes. Terry went over to a computer screen and pulled up a map.
“Why did Terry narrate his actions?”
I think the fic is missing some quotation marks. :digs through Spare Punctuation Box: Looks like we’re fresh out.
“This is a map of the desert outside of Neo Gotham. At these coordinates exactly is where we’ll find the rest of the group along with Bruce.”
Because having a map of the exact location of the rebel base is a great idea; it’s not like Aku would ever try to infiltrate the resistance and steal that information.
“Could you get Terry to move his elbow? He’s blocking my view.”
:Ghostie reaches across the desk and takes a pencil and notepad from Syl:
You are not stealing rebel secrets and selling them to the physical embodiment of pure evil.
“But they are practically begging for it!”
“Who is Bruce?”
Give him time, he just brought up the name so I’m sure he’ll explain who it is.
“I can’t believe you managed that with a straight face.”
Years of practice.
“Bruce is the real mastermind behind this whole organization. Without him we wouldn’t have even gotten this far.
I can see that; Bruce Wayne is an exceptional Chessmaster. He has back-up plans for his back-up plans.
But for all his success Aku had still thrived.
That’s also believable.
“What? If this Bruce is as good as you say, his enemies should be crushed under his heel.”
But that’s par for the course in the Batman universe; no matter how many times Batman apprehends a criminal, they always get free and cause more trouble.
“Well, that just sucks.”
The series wouldn’t last very long if Batman put all the bad guys away and then nothing happened; they have to get free to give him something to do.
And he’ll continue to thrive until we destroy him.” Terry then turned to Jack with a serious look on his face. “Jack can we count on you to help destroy Aku once and for all?”
“Wait, isn’t that his entire reason for existence?”
Yeah, pretty much. That and returning to his own time period. You’d think someone writing something set within the samurai’s world would remember that.
Jack didn’t waste a breath. “Of course.”
“You just did, idiot!”
More like half a breath, but still.
Terry’s face changed to a more relaxed smile.
“Was he smiling before?”
BATMAN IS SMILING?!?!
:covers ears: “Could you not do that? It’s really annoying.”
“Thanks. Let’s get moving: it’s a long trip to our destination.” Terry and Jack gathered everyone up and had a quick round of introductions.
Oh, I am not going to like this.
“Here, have some caramels.”
Those are MY caramels!
“And I’m being polite and offering you some. What’s your problem?”
I don’t think you understand how manners work.
“I’m Rex. I’m able to control these microorganisms in my body called nanites to manipulate m body into various shapes.”
“He can do what with the what?”
Again – not very good at describing things. This is Rex:
He’s the title character from Generator Rex. The show takes place in a universe where a massive explosion of nanites blanketed the world, infesting every living thing. For the most part the nanites are harmless, but they can randomly activate and turn their host into an EVO – an Exponentially Variegated Organism. EVOs vary in intelligence and appearance; some retain human consciousness along with their unique abilities, while others are just rampaging machines. Rex has the ability to control these nanites, creating constructs like his giant ass-kicking legs, and can sometimes deactivate nanites in EVOs and turn them back into people or animals.
“So he goes around kicking giant ass?”
It’s a bit more complex than that, but I don’t want to go into too much detail. Something tells me that the author isn’t going to be bringing in much of these canon characters’ back stories.
“I’m Sora. I’m able to wield this weapon called the Keyblade. It allows me to perform magic and other feats.”
I’m not really sure, I think he’s from a video game. Hold on a second…
I don’t know much about him beyond the fact that he’s in the video game with all the Disney characters, Kingdom Hearts, so I’ll leave it to the Patrons and other Librarians to fill in the gaps.
“I’m Cole. I was involved with a city wide disaster that left my body with the ability to control electricity.”
:Syl snorts: “I was in a freak restaurant mishap that left me with double-jointed thumbs, but you don’t see me bragging about it.”
I fail to see how your thumbs are equal to the ability to produce lightning bolts on command.
“Wait, he can do that? The way he says it makes it sound so, so … common or garden.”
I’ve never played the game he’s from, inFamous, but from the gameplay videos I’ve seen his powers are quite impressive.
“I’m Ben. I wield the omnitrix which is host to over a thousand alien life forms I can transform into.”
“He does what with his who now?”
:Ghostie sighs: He’s Ben Tennyson:
That over-sized wristwatch he wears is the Omnitrix; it’s a device that contains the genetic information of different alien species and he can use the device to transform into those species.
:shrugs: Alien magic? I’m not really sure and I don’t think the show goes into too much detail on that part. Well, shows; there’s several different versions of the character, both animated and live action, ranging in age from ten to seventeen or so.
“Which one is this?”
Your guess is as good as mine, the author doesn’t like to describe characters much beyond giving them a name.
Snake Eyes was silent.
“Why is he silent?” asked Jack.
:Syl looks at Ghostie:
“Snake Eyes was in an helicopter accident that left him mute. Ever since then he’s been honing his body to peak physical condition,” replied Terry.
“A helicopter accident made him mute? How would that happen?”
I’m not sure, the back story available on Wikipedia only states that during one of his early missions with G. I. Joe he was in a helicopter explosion that left him in need of major plastic surgery but that his vocal cords could not be repaired.
“And he’s compensating for this by training his ass off?”
No, he was already a member of the Joes so he should have been in top form. Elite Special Forces groups don’t recruit doughy salarymen.
“The strong, silent type? He single?”
I’m not sure; Wikipedia says he’s romantically linked with Scarlet, but this is another one of those characters that has several different versions.
“And there’s no way to know which one this is, is there?”
You learn fast, grasshopper.
Jack then bowed. “It is an honor to meet all of you. I hope that with our combined strength we will defeat Aku once and for all.”
“Even though he has no idea what they are all talking about, he’s just going to assume that they are big, strong warriors who can help him defeat the Huns?”
Defeat Aku, not the Huns.
“Sorry, I have that song stuck in my head.”
Jack is probably being polite; the only thing that can defeat Aku is Jack’s katana so he really doesn’t need any of the guys’ help with that. They’ll make a nice meat shield, though.
And so they set out from Neo Gotham into the desert which Bruce’s secret base was located.
“I thought the cave thing was under his house?”
They must be going to a different secret base. Not really sure why they have to take this little field trip since the Batcave is already a secret base, but whatever.
While they were walking Aku watched them from his portals.
“I know that game!”
Sorry, it’s probably one of the flame-portals he uses to spy on people and not a reference to the video game Portal.
“Damn it all. I thought I had one.”
“Hahahahaha! Foolish Samurai and his friends! They know not of the dangers the desert withholds! And it shall be there that I crush them once and for all!”
“This secret base of theirs, they’ve been there before, right?”
I’d assume so, since it’s apparently an established base.
“Then this group should be aware of the dangers in this particular desert.”
Even Jack, who is a recent newcomer, would be aware of any dangers since he just spent a week walking across that particular stretch of sand.
He then looked behind him to warriors he had specifically picked for the task of eliminating all 6 of them.
:Ghostie begins cursing loudly in Japanese and kicking the desk:
“Not that I don’t enjoy this fascinating little language lesson, but is there a reason you’re doing that?”
I know what this is now! The author is using the whole trans-dimensional war thing as a justification for yanking out his favorite and least favorite characters and setting them against each other in a series of fights to see who would win.
“And this is a problem?”
I don’t really have a problem with it in theory, I’ve even indulged in a little “who would win?” speculation myself. There’s even a card game called Superfight! based on this premise, but I usually end up arguing both sides of the match-up and have talked myself out of winning from time to time.
“I think you just enjoy arguing.”
There’s that, I guess. But I have a feeling that this is just going to be a series of fights where the author’s favorites win regardless of which combatant is physically or mentally superior.
“That sounds incredibly dull.”
Yes, it does. Let’s see what happens in the next chapter!
“I hate you.”
You could always leave, you know.
Nighttime. Jack and his allies stopped and made camp. Snake Eyes got the firewood while Ben got it going by transforming into an alien he called Heatblast.
“This is a desert. where would they find firewood in a desert?”
There could be brush or something nearby, or tumbleweeds. Or maybe the sand is flammable, who knows? What I want to know is why would the ninja, a master of stealth, make a fire in the middle of a broad, flat expanse of sand? It could be seen for miles.
With the fire rolling our heroes sat around the campfire telling stories while Snake Eyes leaned against a tree keeping lookout.
Looks like this is the kind of desert with readily available trees.
“So there I was ready to take down Maleficent when all of a sudden my best friend Riku come and transforms her into a dragon!” said Sora. “Easily one of the hardest battles of my life.”
“Poor kid must have heatstroke; he’s hallucinating.”
I don’t think so. Maleficent is a Disney villain, so I’m going to assume that she appears as a boss fight in Kingdom Hearts at some point.
“That’s nothing kid. I got that beat. There I was ready to take on Kessler the man responsible for the accident that gave me my powers and killing Trish. After an intense battle I finally manage to take him down. Then he reveals that he’s really me from the future who orchestrated the whole events to prepare me for this monster.”
“Are we supposed to know who this is? Or who this Kessler person is? Or why we should care about them killing this Trish person?”
I’m assuming that it’s Cole speaking, but if I didn’t know the basics of the game he’s from I would have no idea what he’s talking about.
“What is he talking about?”
It’s pretty much a synopsis of the game; the Big Bad turns out to be a future version of Cole who came back in time to prepare himself to fight himself.
“Sounds like a fun weekend. Wait a second – he can go back in time?”
The future version of himself has the ability to teleport into the past.
“Then why doesn’t he do that and prevent Aku from taking over the world?”
:shrugs: Because reasons, probably.
Everyone let out a wow of approval.
“Given the abilities you mentioned, I’m going to assume most of those ‘wows’ were patronizing or sarcastic in nature.”
I would hope so, but if Cole is the author’s favorite of all these characters they might really be that impressed.
“That’s nothing. I get a better story,” said Ben. But before he could start Snake Eyes rushed over and interrupted.
“The silent ninja interrupted them?”
Maybe he threw butter at the others, that’s how the Library ninjas get attention.
“What is it?” asked Terry
Did Timmy fall down a well?
Snake Eyes pointed in the distance to what looked like a giant tornado heading toward them.
A giant tornado that no one else saw or heard until that moment. Right.
“Maybe you’re right and they really were that impressed with Cole’s confusing little story.”
“How is that possible?”
Intense low pressure caused by the high wind speeds and rapid rotation causing water vapor in the air to condense due to adiabatic cooling and form a visible funnel?
“It must be Aku’s magic. Everyone make a run for it!” said Jack
They’re going to out-run a tornado? :snorts: Good luck with that.
“I’ll put five dollars on the skinny Ben kid; he’ll definitely get sucked into the cyclone first.”
They tried to get away but the tornado was too fast and soon caught up to our heroes.
Before they knew it they were being tossed around and around repeatedly.
And then died, because no matter how big a badass you are Mother Nature will still kick your ass.
“Or drop a house on your sister.”
Terry woke up in the middle of the desert.
Which is different from the rest of the desert … How?
“There’s a giant sign that says ‘MIDDLE’ nearby. And the tree is gone.”
Ah. Very well, then.
He looked around for any of his party but only Jack was to be found. Terry then pulled out his communicator. “Batman to anyone. Can anyone read me?”
“They have communicators?”
The PCC has a wide range of communication devices, all set to lose signal strength or become inoperative whenever the plot demands it.
Terry soon got a response from Ben and Cole. “I’m fine and Sora’s here with me. We seemed to have survived the fall,” said Cole.
“They seem to be fine, but might not have survived after all.”
They took a Schrödinger’s Fall.
“This is one of Aku’s tricks to divide us. He thinks we’ll be weaker if we’re separate.
“Hate to be the bearer of bad news…”
Liar. You love to be the bearer of bad news.
:glares at Ghostie: “As I was saying; I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if you are divided then you are weaker. You no longer has access to your full range of skills and are thus limited.”
And they are paired off into smaller, easier to manage, groups that will probably wander right into the antagonists Aku has hand-picked for each of them.
“This reminds me of a video game.”
“Most of them, actually.”
A fic that’s nothing but a series of poorly staged boss fights. Yay.
Everyone if you can hear me I’ve sent you the coordinates for the location of the base. Just make your way towards there and we’ll rendezvous together.”
Broadcasts the coordinates of the secret base on an open channel. I should just let you sell the information to Aku and save ourselves some time.
“I already tried and Aku turned me down. Turns out the secret desert base has a listing in the Yellow Pages.”
Terry closed his communicator and looked at Jack. “So what do we do now?” asked Jack
“We keep moving. The others will regroup with us at the base.”
“Or they will die agonizing deaths on the burning sands and generations of carrion beetles will be raised in the slim shadows of their bones.”
That’s a cheerful mental image.
Jack didn’t like it but deep down he knew Terry was right. So together the two of them set out to find the secret base.
Which shouldn’t be very hard, since Terry should know where there are going.
“How can he? They were picked up by a tornado and dropped in some random location.”
Within one hour Terry signaled for a stop.
“This is a good place to die, let’s lay down here.”
If you die first, I’m posing your body in a humiliating manner.
He then walked straight forward and proceeded to what Jack assumed type his hand against air.
I really have no idea. I assume that Terry was making typing motions in the air but the way this is structured is just … ugh.
Then an invisible door opened up from out of nowhere, taking Jack by surprise.
:Syl runs to the door and flings it open, only to find an empty hallway:
I think you scared them off.
“Wasn’t expecting this were you?”
No, I weren’t.
“I must admit I am still getting used to all this new technology your time has to offer.”
“Wait till you see what’s inside.”
I’m afraid Jack and the library will have to wait until next time to discover what’s inside.
“Is it Intel?”