1313: A Look Into His Past – Oneshot

Title: A Look Into His Past
Author: tinkrbell225
Media: Cartoon
Topic: The Real Ghostbusters
Genre: Romance
URL: A Look Into His Past
Critiqued by TacoMagic

Heyo, patrons!  Welcome to another Wednesday where I’ll be serving up some hot one-shot action!  This week we have a little fic that’s actually two fics, that is also one fic, while being two fics.

Let me unpack that for you.

Originally this fic was posted as two separate one-shots, with the second being a “part two” of the first.  A one-shot sequel as it were.  Later, for whatever reason, the author decided to just tack on the second part as a chapter to the original fic, without also going back and deleting the stand-alone version of it.  What is even weirder is that the first part dates back to 2003, the second part was written in May 2014, but they weren’t combined until May 2015.  And, given that there is no evidence of any editing having occurred to either part, I have no idea why that timeline is a thing.

The thing I’m really surprised at, though, is despite the 11 year difference, there is no apparent improvement in the writing.  In fact, if anything the second chapter is significantly worse.

Now, before we dive in and tear this thing apart, let me be clear on something.  The author, according to herself, was 18 when she wrote the first chapter and 29 when she wrote the second. Keep that in mind.

So, for those wondering, the canon on the table today is The Real Ghostbusters which was a long-running cartoon series based on the movie.  It was very much a monster-of-the-week show in the 80’s style where there’s little in the way of plot continuity between episodes for the first few seasons, but toward the end got more plot based as the intended audience aged.  It’s one of those shows I grew up with that I have very fond memories of, but honestly hasn’t suffered the passage of time as well as it could have.  Compared to more timeless cartoons such as Duck Tales, Animaniacs, and Batman the Animated Series, The Real Ghostbusters utilizes much younger humor, occasionally crutches on outdated pop-culture references, has more than a little corny dialogue, features a cast of cliché characters, and overall presents a package that, at times, talks down to the audience.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s still a good show with a lot going for it despite it’s flaws, and it’s definitely better than things like Spongebob, Captain Planet, or Sonic Underground. But, after 30 years, it shows its age more than some of the other classics of the same era.

I’m hoping I don’t have to hit on what the premise of the show is given that it’s in the title, not to mention based on a movie that most of you have probably seen.  I’m going to touch on it anyway, but I’m hoping it’s not necessary. The show is pretty simple: four dudes, Ray, Egon, Venkmen, and Winston, run a business hunting down and trapping ghosts to get them out of people’s hair.  Sometimes literally.  They have a little ghost pal named Slimer (based extremely loosely on the same ghost from the movie) that serves as the non-verbal comic relief character.  There’s also Janine, their snarky secretary.  SHe, frankly, is probably the best character in the show and really needed to get more screen time in the earlier episodes before her character got radically redesigned in season three that made her far less interesting.  Okay, yeah, I’m a bit of a Janine fanboy.

Now the canon here is pretty unimportant for the fic we’re about to read except one thing: Janine has a big thing for Egon.  It’s one of the recurring themes in the show which eventually culminates in them getting into a relationship in the later seasons.  It’s also a theme that carries over into the Extreme Ghostbusters (the more modern remake) where Janine and Egon get back together just as Egon is reforming the Ghostbusters with a younger crew.  Keep in mind, this romantic tension is pretty constant throughout the entire series.

Anyway, now that that’s out of the way, let’s hit the summary real quick.

Janine gets a look into one of the guys past but who. Read to find out. Pleas R&R

Ugh.  Well, punctuation isn’t going to be the author’s strong suit, is it?  And, believe it or not, that isn’t what caught my attention.  What caught my attention was the summary of the sequel… er.. second chapter, which I’ll just go ahead and share right now:

Summary Janine gets another drawing and wonders what stories it whole

*Pulls the stopper out of the whiskey bottle and pours some into a Suddenly There™ iced tumbler*

That, right there, is what we call a white-hot mess.  It honestly took me a few minutes to figure out what that last word was supposed to be.  And now that I know what it’s supposed to be, I have to say that IT WASN’T FUCKING CLOSE!  Three out of five letters were right.  And there was no period.  That’s an F+, author.

I’m sure this particular mistake is due to no small part in utilizing a phone with auto-correct to do the writing.  Which might be a valid excuse if I didn’t know that everything SC does is on a phone. Neither does it excuse not catching these kinds of glaringly obvious mistakes during the first edit.

You did do an edit, right, author?

*Takes a long, deep swig from his glass*

Yeah, sure you did.

Now, let’s get into this-

*Swenia sprints into the room and dive-tackles Taco out of his chair*

It was a slow day. They did not have any busts scheduled for today. Usually on days like this Ray would sit down here and ask her about the charms on her charm bracelet. She would tell him the story behind it. He would listen to her story like a child. Not today he sat down here at Peter’s desk with a pad of paper and a pencil. He said not a word. He was deep in thought. She could tell because he was biting his lower lip and his eyes were half closed. She found herself watching him all day. She had never seen him like this before. He seemed less like the kid she had known and more like a man she has never meet. Finally some time after lunch Ray had stopped doing whatever it was that he was doing. He looked up at her and came over to her. He smiled and put something on her desk then went up stairs without a word. She looked at the piece of paper. What in the world could it be. Slowly she opened it. What she found inside was something she did not expect. It was a drawing of a woman, she was beautiful strangely familiar too. In the picture she was smiling. She wore an old fashion farm dress. At the bottom of the drawing Ray wrote: I don’t have a charm bracelet full of memories to ask about, but I can draw a memory and give it to you and you can ask about it. Then I’ll tell the story and you can listen just like a child too. She was so stunned by this small gesture. He was not one to share about himself. Peter, Egon, and Winston only know because they have been through most of it with him. She was so touched by this. She wanted to go and tell him that she was eager to hear about what part this woman played in his life. But she did not want to embarrass him in front of the guys. So she would sit and wait patiently until he came back downstairs. Then she would ask about this woman who had to have a grand impact on his life. You could tell just by the way he drew her. So now she waited the rest of the afternoon. She could barely got any work done because of the anticipation of the story behind this drawing.

*CRUNCH*

*Swenia brushes herself off as she gets up* “You’re lucky I work for the PCC.  Otherwise I’d never have made it in time.”

Been a while since we’ve had one that big nail the bunker.  Thanks for the save.

“Welp, I’ve got a ‘tennis’ match with Syl, so you’re on your own if another comes by.  I’ll let Crunchy know to keep an eye on you.”

In that he’ll watch me get squashed and giggle.

“I didn’t say he’d be helpful, just that I’d tell him.  Ciao”  *Swenia saunters back out*

Wait, why was ‘tennis’ in quotes!?  Damn, she’s gone.

Okay, let’s break that up.  DARKWRAITHS!

It was a slow day. They did not have any busts scheduled for today.

Not precisely redundant, but you’re treading on thin water, fic.  Watch yourself.

Usually on days like this Ray would sit down here and ask her about the charms on her charm bracelet.

Which is probably about as exciting as it sounds.  Ray, you’re living la Vida Loca, bro!

This is a really strange thing to do, actually, because Janine doesn’t wear a charm bracelet.  She wears a double bracelet.

janineblowkiss

Maybe she keeps it on her desk or something.

She would tell him the story behind it.

“This charm I bought at the store.  And this one I bought at the store.  This one here, I bought at the store…”

He would listen to her story like a child.

Pretty much.  Ray, despite his PhD in physics, is the least mature of the lot.  Most of the Ghostbusters took on more childish qualities in the transition from the big screen to the cartoon, but Ray got the worst of it.  He’s essentially the Michelangelo of the group with a little bit of Donatello mixed in.

Hey, if you’re gonna make cliché analogies for a cartoon, you can do worse than using the Ninja Turtles.

Not today he sat down here at Peter’s desk with a pad of paper and a pencil. He said not a word. He was deep in thought.

Why are all these sentences so short!? It’s all very staccato: he did this and he did that, and so on. Like Lyle’s story about going to the moon, or my story about the alien Chicken McNugget.

Don’t ask.

She could tell because he was biting his lower lip and his eyes were half closed. She found herself watching him all day.

Either we’re drifting into an AU without being told, or the nuanced hammer-to-the-face that was Janine’s attraction to Egon was lost on our author.  AU’s are fine, but essentially everything that happens from season three to the end of the series is based around Janine being attracted to Egon and him being initially clueless about it.  If you’re going to change that, we need a little more than Janine suddenly lusting after Ray’s hot bod.

Then again, maybe she’s just working on being creepy.

She had never seen him like this before. He seemed less like the kid she had known and more like a man she has never meet.

Kids can sit and think, Janine; it’s called daydreaming and they do it a lot.  Just putting that out there.

Finally some time after lunch Ray had stopped doing whatever it was that he was doing.

So he went from sitting there doing nothing to not sitting there doing nothing.

*Rubs forehead*

That hurty my think meat.

He looked up at her and came over to her. He smiled and put something on her desk then went up stairs without a word. She looked at the piece of paper. What in the world could it be.

I DON’T KNOW!  It’s your job as the author to tell us this stuff!  Also, prose better, please.

Slowly she opened it.

13

What she found inside was something she did not expect.

Ray’s left ear.

It was a drawing of a woman, she was beautiful strangely familiar too.

So the author does indeed know OF the comma.  Now we just have to work on the, uh, pretty much entire rest of grammar.

In the picture she was smiling. She wore an old fashion farm dress. At the bottom of the drawing Ray wrote: I don’t have a charm bracelet full of memories to ask about, but I can draw a memory and give it to you and you can ask about it.  Then I’ll tell the story and you can listen just like a child too.

*Rubs Forehead*

Even within the context of child-Ray from the show, this doesn’t come close to fitting his personality.  If he wanted to talk to Janine, he wouldn’t be playing all coy by handing her a picture and making her chase him down.  He’d just come on out with it!

Also, “You can listen just like a child too?” Who the fuck talks like that!?

She was so stunned by this small gesture. He was not one to share about himself.

Uhh, no.  Ray was a very open character.  He doesn’t have a ton of background in the show primarily because it’s a kids’ show and they tend to be light on the backgrounds, but also because the deeper characterization of the “Mikey” character usually gets swept under the rug in favor of goofy moments.  But he does share stuff about himself in the show when it is relevant to the episode.

Peter, Egon, and Winston only know because they have been through most of it with him.

Pretty true, actually.  Peter and Egon have both known Ray for quite a long time, and Ray and Winston are pretty close friends even though they’ve known each other about the same length of time as they’ve known Janine.

Yay!  The author finally got something right!  Sort of!

She was so touched by this. She wanted to go and tell him that she was eager to hear about what part this woman played in his life. But she did not want to embarrass him in front of the guys. So she would sit and wait patiently until he came back downstairs.

CAN SOMETHING PLEASE HAPPEN!?

I just got done with a huge fic that did everything in its power to avoid doing anything, I don’t need a small one doing the same thing!

Er, not doing the same thing?  Words are hard.

Then she would ask about this woman who had to have a grand impact on his life.

Grand impact?  He drew a picture of her smiling.  I mean, sure, it’s likely he wouldn’t want to talk about her if she wasn’t important, but “grand impact” is a pretty big stretch.

You could tell just by the way he drew her.

The worst part here: you could actually justify that a person can make that leap, especially with a description of the drawing and where Ray put in little details.  Will our author give us this description?

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

So now she waited the rest of the afternoon. She could barely got any work done because of the anticipation of the story behind this drawing.

I guess that’d be a “no” to anything happening in this fic.

*Takes another drink*

Naw, I’m okay with that. Didn’t need anything interesting to happen anyway.

Finally Ray came back downstairs!

Yay!?

She wanted to jump out of her chair and run over to him and beg him to tell her a story but the fact that Peter was with him kept her in her chair.

I really want to complain about how utterly juvenile this is, but it’s based on a children’s show, so it could just as well be the author holding to canon of everyone being far more childish than their movie counterparts.

But I want to complain so bad.

She looked up at Ray and he met her eyes with his big brown ones. She knew that he could see the anticipation in her eyes. Ray gave a soft chuckle and just smiled at her. Peter caught the looks that transpired between the two of them but said nothing.

Which was the right choice on Peter’s part.  Butting into that kind of exchange either leads to knowing far too much about their sex life, or helping to hide a body.

“Well Ray I’m going out. Make sure that Egon and Winston remember that I won’t be back until tomorrow morning. Ok.”

“Ya, ya I got it don’t worry, have fun.”

Can we follow Peter at this point?  Please tell me we follow Peter.

She watched Peter leave. Ray slowly walked towards her. There was a new playfulness in his big brown eyes.

Didn’t the author already tell us Ray’s eyes were big and-

*Taco slowly turns to face the Silent DRD Stealth Team.*

“Hello there.”

Sorry, boys, but I was prepared for this.  *Points behind the agents*

*The agents turn to see Jiwe, dressed in a small Yoda costume, standing in the doorway.  He draws a paper towel roll from his belt.*

“Soad fite!”

*DRD agents promptly melt*

“Awww.”

Don’t worry, kiddo, I’m sure that’ll stop happening by the time you’re four.  Probably.

Now she was glued to her chair with anticipation.

I’m trying very hard not to think about that sentence too much.

I have failed.

Ew.

Ray had a playful and almost sexy grin on his faces. Now he was standing in front of her desk and in a soft voice:

“So Janine do you want to know who the woman in the drawing is?”

Well, that got weird very, very fast.

“Yes!”

Ray laughs at her impatience. She was like a child waiting for her mother to tell her favorite bedtime story.

Author.  Stop a second.  If you’re going to do this whole “childlike delight in a new story” thing, you really need to not have Ray leering at Janine.  It sends a very mixed and icky message.

She smiled at him sweetly and with big blue eyes said:

“Please tell me who this is woman, with sugar on top”

Now, even within the confines of the canon, this is getting to be too childish.  Especially since this is supposed to be a romance fic.  I’ll remind everybody that the author claimed to be 18 when they wrote this.

Ray laughs at her and says:

“Alright I’ll tell you!”

Ray went over to Peter’s desk and took the chair. Then took the drawing in his hands With thoughtful look on his face as he looked at the picture. His warm brown eyes were filled with memories. He looked up at her and smiled.

Ooof, you may want to get that looked at, Ray.  You leave memory eye untreated, and you’ll start getting random flashbacks.

“She was my mother. I don’t really remember her all that well but this drawing is something I can remember wit out hesitation.

Wha?  So, he doesn’t remember his mother, but he remembers this picture of his mother.  That he just drew.

*Shrug*

Yeah, I got nothing.

It was a warm summer day.

When you drew the picture?  That was today, wasn’t it?

She was making strawberry jam. I had just picked the strawberries the other day.

Man, Ray’s had a busy morning.

My Aunt always told me that I look a lot like her.

Well, I mean, she is your Mother’s sister, so I would expect there to be at least some resemblance between you and your aunt.

She was right, I do.  The only difference is that her hair was red not brown and she had hazels eyes.

You give Hazel her eyes back this instant, young lady!  Ray, your aunt is absolutely the worst person.

That day the sun was shinning in on her.

*Snerk*

Bahahahahahaha!

The best part is that in my head I heard that sentence in Groundskeeper Willie’s voice.

The dress she was wearing was sky blue. She had a white apron on over it. She always smelt like sweets. Oh how I miss her.”

And with that, this barely remembered person has more description than anyone else who’s appeared in the fic.

“So now you know who my mother was.”

No, we fucking don’t.  We know kinda what you remember your mother looking like, and that she smelled like sugar.  That’s a whole different planet than knowing who she was.  We don’t even have a godsdammed name!

“Oh Ray”

Oh Marsha!

The man that sat in front of her was not the Ray that she knew.

He was a doppelganger!  Here to… uh… eat her… purse?  What do doppelgangers do again?  I know they’re evil and stuff.  Hold on.

*Pulls out his D&D Monster Manuel*

Apparently they kill and replace people whose lives they want.  Kinda scraping the bottom of the barrel here, Rayganger.

This man was just like Ray but he was grown up.  Not the child she has always known. No this man was a stranger to her.

Run, Janine!  It’s only a matter of time before Rayganger realizes you’re life is way better and comes after you!

She wanted to get to know him.

NO!  That’s how he learns everything about you before stealing your life!  Well, that and telepathy.

*Turns a page in the Monster Manuel*

Apparently they can be used as a player race.  Preferred classes of rogue, assassin, spy, or ghostbuster.  Well, I’ll be damned.

She knows that the guys did not know this side of Ray.

Except for earlier in this chapter where she said they did.  I can even see it on the screen. *points*

She felt so special that he would share this with her.

“Oh Ray I know it is so hard for you to talk about your past but why tell me?”

He wants in your pants.  Or to murder you and steal your existence.  One or the other.  You’ll probably be fine.

Ray blushed and looked at his hands when he said:

“Well you always told me about your self. And I kind of thought that you could see passed the kid like exterior. Not that it’s not who I’m it’s just part of who I am. I mean ummm.”

Look, all you need to know is that I have character traits.  Lots of them.  And I like to talk about them in clunky, unnatural sounding dialogue.  Because depth.

Janine looked at Ray. She lifted his face and looked into those big brown eyes. They were so warm. They were full of hope that she would understand him.

I guess that whole Egon plot-arc is just going to be swept under the mat without even a nod from the author.  Way to invalidate like a third of the entire series.  *Thumbsup*

“Oh Ray I’m touched that you think I would understand. I do understand.”

Yew iz sew deep!  ‘Cuz mom.

This man before her was definitely one she wanted to know. Then she said:

Author, stahp.  That’s not how dialogue attribution works.

“Ray if you are willing to draw more of your memories I would look forward to seeing more”

Not quite a pithy as, “Draw me like one of your French girls.”

 “Good because I would like to tell you more, but alas I must go back upstairs before Egon and Winston come looking for me.”

Fucking, seriously?  Who the hell talks like this!?  Cool your language, Romeo, you’re trying way too hard.

Ray got up and put Peter’s chair back. He said:

STAHP.

“Maybe if it’s slow and your good you may find another drawing on you desk tomorrow.”

I’d say this is getting really weird fast, but it’s been really weird.  So it’s, uh, remaining weird fast.

He smiled and winks at her.

*Reaches under his chair and pulls out a temporal sickness bag*

*urf* Great, on top of everything else, now we’re having tense issues.

He came over to her. He leans in close to her and kissed her on the check. Then went upstairs.

COMMAS!  For the love of the entire pantheon of gods, use some commas!  This is the exact opposite of the ID issue with punctuation where all we got was a period at the end of every sentencograph.  In this case, there are periods after almost every thought!

The Ray she was now getting to know seemed to make her blush and feel warm.

Rayganger is one hell of a smooth operator.  Tomorrow he’s probably going to give her a finger painting of his dad.

Her cheek tingled where Ray had kissed her. She had a feeling that things were starting to change between them. Maybe just maybe that was not a bad thing.

That tingling would be the paralyzing saliva taking effect.

*Flips another page in the Monster Manuel*

Okay, well doppelgangers don’t actually have saliva that causes paralysis.  But they should.

To Be Continued

Eleven years later, mostly as an afterthought.

Now the stupidly optimistic part of my brain wants to hope what we’re about to read was actually written at the same time and then uploaded eleven years later.  Unfortunately, that scenario requires the 29-year-old author to have read this next chapter and then have been fine with the thought of displaying it in public.  That’s opposed to having actually written this at the age of 29.  Those are the two realities we have to choose from.

There is no winning here.

For those who think I’m overreacting, I present exhibit A:

Disclaimer I don’t “Ghostbusters or any of the characters I’m not making money

Please read that carefully two or three times.  Crunchy will be standing by the respawn points to tell you that I told you so after the inevitable brain hemorrhage.

Still not convinced?  Very well.

Author’s note as promised the parts you to the two pieces of his past.

*Taco takes a long, deep swig of his drink then tops it off again*

Luckily, I’ve been drinking long enough to survive that.

Hey, at least that… whatever it is had a period, right?

Sorry took so long hope you enjoy it.

It’s been eleven fucking years!  Even George R.R. Martin writes faster than that!

After the first drawing from Ray things picked up again so neither had any free time to talk.

Author, what did the comma do to you that makes you avoid it!?  My brain is panting for breath with every sentence!

Now a few weeks later things are slow down for the guys.

Eleven years, author.  Eleven.  How can what I’m reading be so much worse!?  At least the stuttery, 1-thought per sentence prose from chapter one was intelligible.  It’s like we’re slouching toward Marissa here!

Which is good because Ray had some free time but bad because now Janine a lot of people.

Not to mention she words.

“You could finish all the paperwork” thought Janine.

The comma is a real thing right?  I haven’t been imagining it all this time and just came to grips with the fact that it doesn’t actually exist right?

Right?

Please?

Then when she came in this morning she found a folded piece of paper on her desk. Janine smiled as she opened it hoping it was from Ray. Inside she found:

*Crosses fingers*

I’ve got money riding on a human thumb.

A drawing of a man.

Wrapped around a human thumb, right!?

He is wearing a T-shirt and jeans and workboots. It looked like he was working on a tractor.

*Urf*

Author, quit it.  If you make me use this temporal sickness bag, I’m putting it in a box and mailing it to you.

He was tall with broad shoulders and long arms and legs.

Kinda gangly looking, but at least he isn’t rocking a freakishly long torso.

His big hands increase on them.

The fuck does that even…

Actually, I just figured out what that’s supposed to say, which really does argue for this thing being an auto-corrected mess.

Mind you, this is the version of this chapter that was tacked onto the original fic 1 year AFTER the part 2 was originally posted by itself.  So, if anything, this is the updated version.

Glad to see her editing process has remained absolutely solid after eleven years.

His brown hair fell into his eyes he was a handsome man his face was gentle lines of kindness and stress married his face.

*Takes another drink*

What the hell is a kindness line in terms of a facial feature?  Please describe it for me, author.

His brown eyes held so much love and carrying in them like somebody she already knew.

By the way, I’m specifically ignoring whether or not Ray should be able to canonically draw this well.  Down that path lies madness.  And possibly being replaced by a doppelganger.

On the bottom of paper was a note from Ray said

Janine,

Man it’s been busy lately.

I take it back, at least before you had a colon.

Now that things a finalist letdown I thought I’d give you this.

I just, I can’t.  How can a chapter written eleven years later be this completely bad!?

Okay, third possibility suddenly occurs to me.  She intentionally botched this chapter to make the first one appear competent by comparison.  That’s pretty much the least bad scenario I’ve been able to come up with.

Tell you all about after lunch today… If you’re a good girl.

And here I was worried that the author would’t be able to replicate that creepy pedophile vibe she had going in the first chapter.  Elven years later and she’s still got it!

A wonder he can guess who this is? Talk to you later

Ray

Ray obviously has a very high opinion of Janine’s deductive reasoning.  Unless he’s specifically trying to throw her off, which would be a dick move and not actually alluring.

Janine laughed out loud when she read the note.

Why?  Was treating her like a child some kind of in-joke?  The audience kind of needs to know about these things before they’re dropped in our lap.

They may not talk much but whenever they were alone the new Ray would often teased her.

Sounds charming.  Did he also pull her hair?

She liked him a lot he was the perfect mix of the old and new Ray.  She couldn’t wait to learn about this man.

So wait, new Ray is parts new and old ray.  Is this like an even newer Ray, or is new Ray recursive with himself and old Ray?

Maybe RayGanger got doppelganged by DoppelRaynger!

Shit’s getting real up in this fic.

Around lunch time Janine heard voices coming downstairs.

Well, they do store a lot of ghosts in their basement.  I suppose random, disembodied voices are just one of those things you have to live with as a ghost buster.

She knew these voices they were Ray and Peter. She heard Ray say to Peter

Oof, that’s a nasty poltergeist you got on your hands there, turning people into voices like that.  You better call the ghost-  oh.  Right.

Well, maybe Winston can swing in and save everyone’s butts.  Again.

“What’s with you today. I feel like I have a shadow the way you’ve been following me around.”

Actually I think they’re called shades, but lemme look.

*Flips around in his Monster Manuel*

Oh hey, there is a shadow!  Medium incorporeal undead that drains the strength of their victims.  If a living entity is completely drained, they become a shadow themselves.  Well, color me embarrassed.  You guys better call in Winston for sure!

“Well it’s just that you’ve been spending a lot of time down here lately” answered Peter. Ray looked at Peter and rolled his eyes.

BAAAAAAAA!

No, no, dude.  Ray is on the list of approved eye-rollers.  He really is that juvenile in the show.

“Hey Dr. V I’m turning off my phone down here while I have lunch” said Janine.

Uh, Janine, you don’t turn off a land-line phone.  You either forward it, or turn it over, you don’t turn them off.  That’s a cell phone thing, which don’t exist yet.

Peter looked annoyed but when upstairs mumbling through remarks under his breath as he went.

Damn secretaries wanting their lunch break.  It was way better when we had slimer working the phones.

When she looked up at Ray she found that new playful almost sexy smile on his face.

*Hurf*

A shame that DoppelRaynger kept that from the first new Ray.  Was really hoping we’d seen the last of his creepy leer.

“So Janine can you guess who this is?”Asked Ray playfully

Ray, single-celled organisms know who it is.

“Yeah it’s your dad your you built just like him” said Janine.

Weirdly, even though that’s a typo, it still kinda makes sense.  Ray’s Ray IS build like his father.

“Yeah it’s my dad” Ray said with a soft smile. His eyes grew warm with memories.

Dude, you were supposed to get that looked at.  Now your eyes are infected and starting to become inflamed.  See!?  This is what happens when people put off going to the doctor!

“Hey how else did you know”.

Because she has a brain larger than a grape.  The first picture was your mother.  Who else would it be!?

Jean gave a short laugh and said:

Oh good, the colon is back.  Yaaaaay.

“His hair falls into his eyes just like yours”. She reached up and brushed the hair outs of Ray’s face.

Because no two people have the same hair.  Nope, blood relations only.

He laughed a little in a blush covered his cheeks. Janine said:

“So Ray tell me about your dad”

STAAAAAAAHP!

“He lived and worked on a farm all his life. In fact the farm we lived on had been in his family for generations. He could fix anything which came in handy especially with that tractor behind him. I used to…”

And suddenly the father has more characterization than anyone else in the fic.  Imagine that.

“Grab your gear Ray. We have a class V in the warehouse district” hollered Peter. Ray looked at Janine and said:

“I will finish when we get back”.

“Can’t wait” said Janine. Ray smiled at her for understanding. Then the guys soon left.

Who wants to bet this is a pointless interruption?  Well, pointless beyond being a transparent bid for false tension.

It had been a few hours since the call went out and Janine was starting to worry.

There’s the fake tension I was talking about.

Then Echo one pulled in. The guys looked worse for wear.

And instantly resolved.

Peter got out first and went around to Ray’ side and opened the door. Ray handed him a hair of crutches.

Speaking of which, I think I’ll go ahead and have a little hair of the crutch that bit me.

*Downs his glass then refills it again*

It doesn’t need to make sense, I just wanted to drink.

When getting out he didn’t put any weight on the left foot which was wrapped in an ace bandage. Ray’s brown eyes were clouded with pain.

That isn’t pain, it’s memories!  Somebody please get that man to a doctor!

On the crutches he slowly made his way over to. Janine got out of her chair and gave it to Ray.  He smiled a tired smile of things to her.

 

Aha!  A things!

She asked:

“What happened?”

“A really bad class V hashing for Ray…” Said Peter trailing off. When he got annoyed look from Ray.

You should really trust the MD5 Checksum on this one.  Doppelgangers are good, but they can’t fake a hash, let alone a class V one.

Ray continued:

“It’s nothing. We split up, I ran, it followed , I tripped down the steps”.

I did mention all this is pointless, right?  And yet, somehow, it feels like it’s getting more pointless.

“You fell down three flights of steps. The lucky you didn’t break your neck” said Egon with concern.

GAH!  *Hides behind his chair*  When the hell did Egon get here!?

Ray just rolled his eyes and said ”

“I’m fine” Winston sighted and said:

“I’m going to make lunch.” Ray started to get up and he said.

“No Ray stay there all bring lunch to”.

I’m suddenly having very, very bad flashbacks to the InsaneDoctor fics I did.

Then Egon and Peter Falklands upstairs.

It’s past-tense, girl!  They “upstairsed.”

Janine said:

“Are you sure you’re right”.

Pretty hard to mistake something else as a fall down some stairs.  Pretty sure he’s confident that he did indeed fall down the stairs.

She had been very worried about him. Ray smiled and said:

Yeah I’m still tired. They let me finish on you about my dad.”

GAH!  That’s gross, man!  Your friends should not enable you like that.  You’re a sick, sick person!  And I’m not just talking about your ocular condition.

Ray’s eyes were warm and there was no trace of pain in them.

The inflammation has increased to the point where the nerve endings are dying.  This is not a good sign.  You may be permanently scarred.  You’ll likely have random flashbacks for the rest of your life.  Why didn’t you go to the doctor when you had a chance?

“Okay if you feel up to it?” Janine said softly.

That.  Is not.  A question.

Then I gave her his first real smile since he came back.

*Tilts head*

Wha?

I mean, yeah, it’s pretty obvious that Janine is acting as proxy for a real self insert, sure, but even knowing that… what the hell is that even?

His warm brown eyes meet her clear blue ones and said:

NO!  That’s how it spreads, you moron!

Wait, his eyes are talking now.  It’s too late, the final stage.

eye_of_cthulhu_by_lepandemic_d7g3ymy_by_iamjerrytheslime-d98ikbj

Wakka wakka wakka wakka wakka wakka…

“Great now where was I?”

“You would just about to tell me about the tracks your father was fixed” said Janine softly.

Well, it’s pretty likely his Father was fixed sometime after Ray’s birth.  The other way around doesn’t make sense.  Unless the milkman also had hair that kept getting into his eyes…

“That’s right it was only tractor.

Ever.  Only tractor.  There is no other!

ALL HAIL TRACTOR!

It was always breakdown because it was sold.

This is like the reasoning my three-year-old gives me to avoid bedtime.  “I don’t go bed because Olaf is squish!”

“Olaf!?”

Sorry, Jiwe, didn’t mean to get your hopes up.  You can probably catch up with Ghostie or Lyle for the Olaf shorts though.

“Olaf!”  *Jiwe toddles away*

My dad used to say that he fixed it all the time as a kid.”

Wow, that’s one hell of an old tractor.  Then again, most good muscle cars are about twenty years older than I am.

Ray stops when he heard what steps coming downstairs.

But soft!  What steps through downward hallway come!?

Winston soon appeared with lunch.

To be more specific, it’s second lunch.

He sets it on the desk in front of Ray with a smile and said:

“You guys go. Eat up and I’ll be back for a little bit. Then you should probably get some rest Ray”.

I know I should really focus on them sending a recently injured man off on a lunch date, but I’m more distracted by the fact that Janine is getting two lunch breaks!

“Thanks Winston appreciate it” said Ray. Then Winston went back upstairs. As they ate Ray continued to tell Janine about his dad.  He said:

You guys are the absolute worst at going.  Didn’t even make it out of the chairs.  I guess that’s why Winston left the lunch.  He knew you guys wouldn’t actually go.

“One of my favorite memories was when he used to let me help fix tractor. He taught me so much about machines. He is the reason I became an engineer.

*Rubs his forehead*

Ray is not an engineer, he is a theoretical physicist.  How do you screw that up, author!?

The answer is “Ugh!  It’s all math, it doesn’t matter!” isn’t it?  Yeah, fuck you too, author.

Some days I wish I could still live on the farm with them and just spend the day watching my mom in the kitchen my dad fixing attractive.

I… what?  There are either too many or two few words at the end of that sentence, and I have no idea which it is.

But then I never would’ve met you in the guys.

“That’s what she said!”

Thanks, Swenia.

“No problem!  See, it’s a fisting joke!”

Yes, thank you, we all got it.

“Not yet you haven’t, but I can get my glove!”

If you’re done bothering me, aren’t you supposed to be playing tennis?

“I am?”

You were going to play ‘tennis’ with Syl.

*Snaps her fingers*  “Oh right! ‘Tennis!’  Yeah, I was just coming in to get some rope.  Got it now, so I’ll be leaving.”

Rope?  For tennis?

“Yup.  Gotta go!”  *Scurries off*

Huh… that bodes well.

So I guess it all worked out for the best.”

It’s rather vague on the point of what happened to his parents, both in canon and here, but I’m not sure that the implication that Ray’s parents’ untimely deaths were for the best is really that good a thing to suggest.  Nor do I find that a likely sentiment from somebody who lost his parents.

Then Ray let out a large yawn. Soon Winston was back helping by upstairs to get some much-needed rocks.

*removes his glasses, polishes the lenses, and puts them back on*

I can’t possibly have just read that.

Soon Winston was back helping by upstairs to get some much-needed rocks.

*Snerk*

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Janine smiled sadly to herself wishing she could have met Ray’s parents. She wondered the next couple weeks would bring since Ray was stuck off his feet.

*eyebrow waggle*

Janine hoped to get more pictures and maybe learn a little more about her dear friend.

You know, guys, you can just talk.  Talking can happen without a drawing followed by the weird smiling.  People often just sit and talk.  What is with authors needing some kind of weird personality quirk to start off a dialogue between two characters?  Just ask him out for a cup of coffee, or bring it in since he’s gimpy right now, drink the coffee, and talk.  And then, if all goes well, you can finally get into each other’s pants.

The end… For now

We don’t take kindly to threats around here, Missy!

And with that, this fic comes to an end.  I’d like to pretend we’ve seen the last of it, but given the author’s established record, it may be that in another eleven years I’ll have to dredge this thing up for part three.  A depressing a thought as I’ve ever had.

Until next week, patrons!

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51 Comments on “1313: A Look Into His Past – Oneshot”

  1. SC says:

    This week we have a little fic that’s actually two fics, that is also one fic, while being two fics.

    Oh fuck me, Taco, it’s five in the morning for me, I don’t need this brain-hurting shit right now!

  2. SC says:

    The author, according to herself, was 18 when she wrote the first chapter and 29 when she wrote the second. Keep that in mind.

    Eleven fucking years, and her writing managed to get worse?!

  3. SC says:

    I’m going to touch on it anyway, but I’m hoping it’s not necessary.

    Unfortunately, I’m the wet noodle here, because, er… I’ve… never… seen… Ghostbusters…

    So it’s actually necessary for me.

    Pleasedon’tgongmeIbegofyou

  4. SC says:

    I’m sure this particular mistake is due to no small part in utilizing a phone with auto-correct to do the writing. Which might be a valid excuse if I didn’t know that everything SC does is on a phone.

    Single-handedly removing your ability to bullshit people, what’s up bitches!

  5. SC says:

    Also, “You can listen just like a child too?” Who the fuck talks like that!?

    Monocle: MONOCLE THE FUCK TALKS LIKE THAT!

    A habit I’ve been trying to get him to break for years, now.

  6. SC says:

    “Ya, ya I got it don’t worry, have fun.”

    Thanks to Bifocals existing, I can never look at “ya” and see it as anything other than “Ja” if it’s not being used in place of “you.”

  7. GhostCat says:

    The thing I’m really surprised at, though, is despite the 11 year difference, there is no apparent improvement in the writing. In fact, if anything the second chapter is significantly worse.

    Sadly, I think that Tomorrow is Always Better/Tomorrow is Always Better Rewrite trainwreck is proof that this isn’t an uncommon thing.

  8. GhostCat says:

    They did not have any busts scheduled for today.

    Is emergency ghost removal really something you have to schedule in advance? Don’t most incidents begin with someone calling up and saying something along the lines of “There’s a scary-ass ghost here, come get it!”?

  9. GhostCat says:

    She wore an old fashion farm dress.

    She wore a what now? Was the dress made of farms?

  10. GhostCat says:

    Why does everyone have such big eyes? Ray has big, brown eyes and Janine has big, blue eyes; it’s really odd.

  11. GhostCat says:

    And with that, this barely remembered person has more description than anyone else who’s appeared in the fic.

    For being someone Ray can’t remember, he’s done a decent job describing her. Or he’s watched a lot of Little House on the Prairie and has a hard time differentiating fiction from reality.

  12. GhostCat says:

    Author’s note as promised the parts you to the two pieces of his past.

    :blinks:

    Ghostie’s think-meat all ouchy now.

  13. GhostCat says:

    It’s been eleven fucking years! Even George R.R. Martin writes faster than that!

    Not much faster, though. Bastard.

  14. GhostCat says:

    Then Egon and Peter Falklands upstairs.

    How do? I can kinda-sorta figure out what most of the wonky words are meant to be, but what the hell is that?

  15. GhostCat says:

    Some days I wish I could still live on the farm with them and just spend the day watching my mom in the kitchen my dad fixing attractive.

    Let’s play “spot the city girl who has never been on a farm before”!

  16. GhostCat says:

    She wondered the next couple weeks would bring since Ray was stuck off his feet.

    Why would it take him that long? The Ace bandage would indicate he probably has a sprain rather than a break, so it should heal fairly quickly.

    • TacoMagic says:

      Depends on the sprain, really. Last time TacoMom sprained her ankle, she was in crutches for two months.

      Since he fell down multiple flights of stairs, I’m willing to accept that it’s a bad sprain.

  17. [WALL O’ TEXT]

    Cain: *Retcons away several cuts on his arms and face* Jesus, that thing spawned clones of itself!

  18. "Lyle" says:

    Why are all these sentences so short!? It’s all very staccato: he did this and he did that, and so on. Like Lyle’s story about going to the moon, or my story about the alien Chicken McNugget.

    I was eight!

  19. "Lyle" says:

    What she found inside was something she did not expect.

    Ray’s left ear.

    You just had to Gogh there.

  20. "Lyle" says:

    You could tell just by the way he drew her.

  21. "Lyle" says:

    Rayganger is one hell of a smooth operator. Tomorrow he’s probably going to give her a finger painting of his dad.

    I can’t wait for the macaroni art of his aunt.

  22. "Lyle" says:

    stress married his face.

    I heard it was a beautiful ceremony.


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