1297: The Journey Of A Betrayed Legend – Chapter Two

Title: The Journey Of A Betrayed Legend
Author: Wedrich123
Media: Video Game / Anime
Topic: Pokémon
Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Romance
URL: Chapter Two
Critiqued by squarecircles

Hello everyone and welcome back. I’m back with another chapter of the journey of an asshole, and this time I’ve brought another friend. Everyone give a warm welcome to Jason Gould.

Jason: Please, it’s just Jay. No need to get all formal on my account. Only my mother calls me Jason.

Well I’ve already explained to Jay what we’re doing today, so let’s dive right in.

Hi guys, I’m back. I just want to say thanks for the advise that some people gave me, I will definitely keep all your info in mind.

No you didn’t. I checked out the reviews and good lord you did not listen to them. Well… Maybe the random 3 reviews that thought the sun shone out the story’s ass.

Jason: People liked this?

Surprisingly, yes.

To Mach the Cynic: thanks for the info on the overused names, I think I have just the plan to get that part sorted out. Just read and you’ll see what I mean.

Hint, it will be stupid.

Disclaimer: okay, I’m gonna be honest with you, this will be last disclaimer ’cause I’m gonna forget in the future. I promise for all the next chapters to come I do not own pokemon or its characters, just the storyline.

Disclaimers really don’t do anything. But in this case, I can point and yell about the author being lazy. I’ll save it, because I’ll get to the stupid later and I’ve gotta save my energy for that.

Now without any further ados, enjoy the chap!

Jason: I’m getting the idea I’m not going to enjoy this.

Ash has just landed in a small clearing in the forest on the outskirts of the Indigo Plateau. In the clearing is a small waterfall with a gentle river and with serenity filling the air. Ash jumped off of Charizard’s back and thanked him before recalling him back inside his pokeball.

Other than the tense issues, there is surprisingly little wrong with that paragraph. Stark contrast with the rest of the fic.

As he walked into the town, many people gave him odd stares because they didn’t know who this hooded figure was. He walked inside the pokemon centre and went straight to nurse joy, but before he got there, his blood was boiling when he saw a certain someone kneeling infront of nurse joy.

Jason: People are staring because he’s got a hood on? That’s not that uncommon. Or they’re staring because they don’t know him?

Try staring at random strangers who happen to have hoods on. See how long it takes for one of them to snap. Also, in front is not a single word.

“Oh nurse joy, where have you been all my LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE!”, he winced in pain as the hooded figure threw him across the room crashing against the wall knocking him out instantly. Nurse joy looked at the man and was about to say thank you when she heard someone yell, “BROCK! Who did this to you?”. Ash turned and saw the very first bike victim of his journey glaring daggers at him. He seemed unfazed by her glare and looked back to nurse joy and handed her six of his pokeballs, which she excepted and handed to Chansey.

Whoa, wtf? Ash threw Brock across the room… And knocked him out… And Nurse Joy didn’t call the police?

Jason: Logic is gonna go out the window, isn’t it?

It did that in the first chapter. So, Misty is here and Ash only hands the nurse 6 of his like 50 Pokémon that he has with him.

“Nurse joy, I would like to enter for the tournament” he said with a deepish, masculine voice. Nurse joy nodded and asked for his invatation, for which he gave her his letter. She thanked him and asked for the one thing that he didn’t want to give, his pokedex. Before he could say something, a short, fat man with a Hawaiian t-shirt and sunglasses came to him and gave Ash a friendly hug which he returned. “Wel wel wel, look who finally decided to make an appearance” Scott said with a massive grin. ” Wel it’s good to be back Scott but I got to check in first, so would you give me a moment please?” Ash asked with a tiny bit of happiness. “Red, when will you learn, I’m always prepared.”

He just…. No… Surely the author isn’t that dumb.

Jason: Did he spell the word ‘well’ with only one L?

Yes he did. I’m gonna need a stiff drink to get through this chapter, I can feel it already.

Jason: I got two things out of that. One, the author can’t format dialogue.

He couldn’t in the last chapter either.

Jason: Two, he’s really really bad at describing anything. I mean, Ash’s voice was deepish and masculine? It took me ten seconds and I came up with half a dozen ways to say that in a better way.

‘Sighs’ Such is the way of our dear Wedrich.

He looked to nurse joy, ” Nurse joy, this is Red Satoshi, he is reserved under my name for the delux suite.” Nurse joy looked down and typed a few things into her computer. She looked up and gave him a key card with the letters DAS printed on top of it, “Well mister Satoshi, you have the Delux Arceus Suite on the top floor.” He excepted the keys and smiled at her which made her blush. This did not go unnoticed by a certain tanned, spikey haired man.

THERE IS AN E AT THE END OF DELUXE

Jason: Spelling gets you angry, doesn’t it?

It’s just so lazy. I mean, how hard is it to use any sort of word processor? Or google? Or a good old fashioned dictionary? With so many ways to look up proper spelling, it’s fucking inexcusable that the spelling is this atrocious. Unless you’re in a fucking spelling bee and you’ve got an impossible word, you have no excuse for spelling anything wrong. I write almost exclusively on my iPhone, and I manage to do without many errors. It’s not hard.

Jason: Alright dude, no need to foam at the mouth. Save it for the rest of the paragraph.

You’re right. I almost forgot to get angry at the part where Ash is magically a Ladies man. He didn’t have a romantic bone in him for the entirety of the anime, but add on 5 years with only animals for company and he’s a sex god. He should be fumbling over his words because he hasn’t seen a human being in 5 years

“Hey you, who do you think you are for steeling my nurse joy from me?!” brock yelled at him.

The fact that I can point at almost every sentence and scream “LAZY” really says something.

Jason: Lol, steeling.

“Well dumbass, I can’t steal from you what was never yours,” Ash said with a smirk.

Great, he smirked. Every action he takes, and every word out of this douche’s mouth, makes him more unlikeable.

Jason: And then he spells steal properly? Seriously, what the actual fuck? Did he not see that he spelled them differently? Just look it up if you aren’t sure.

Hey, that’s my line.

Jason: Well I wanted to get angry, too. You don’t get a monopoly on it.

Before Brock could yell back, he felt as nurse joy kicked him where one should never be kicked, and yelled, “How dare you say that I am yours you little pervert! I heard from my sisters and cousins in other cities what you did to them, flirting, grabbing, and even humping! I swear if you ever come near me again I’ll call officer Jenny to come here and arrest you for abuse! Now get out and don’t come back!”. She then very surprisingly lifted him up and threw him out of the pokemon centre.

Nurse Joy seems pretty buff.

Jason: Brock’s a pretty hefty guy. I don’t know how strong this nurse is supposed to be, but I’m guessing not that strong.

This is going back to the first chapter, but Brock isn’t a pervert. He’s a hopeless romantic who falls in love at first sight.

Misty came to nurse joy raedy to hit her with her mallet that she always pulls out of thin air, but before she could deliver the hit, someone grabbed her hand, yanked the mallet out of her grasp, threw it elsewhere, and threw Misty out of the pokemon centre letting her fall on her still unconscious boyfriend.

Oh dear, that paragraph was bad. I don’t think fight scenes are Wedrich’s strength.

Jason: Neither is dialogue.

Or characterization.

Jason: Does he have a strength?

If he does, we haven’t seen it.

Nurse joy thanked Ash and he slowly nodded. He turned around after he got his pokemon back, and went to the elevator to go to the top floor. He stepped out of the elevator and made his way to his room. When he opened the door, he was awe struck at how cool the place was.

We went from the ground floor to the penthouse in one poorly paced sentence. Damn.

In the centre of the room was a 4 seat white luxury chair, with a coffee table in front of it. On the wall is a 60 inch plasma screen HD TV. Under it on a shelf was a DStv decoder. In the bedroom was a large, king size bed with white covers. In the bathroom was a shower, a huge bath, the size of a snorlax, and a toilet. When Ash looked closer, he saw a small screen next to the toilet. He was shocked, surprised and extremely happy. He realised the toilet has a seat warmer.

Jason: Fuck that was a bland description for what should be an amazing room.

I get even get excited about the toilet seat warmer because the author misspelled a word right in front of it. That and the idiotic idea of having a 4 seat chair is starting to make my head hurt.

Now he is going down to the lobby to go to the opening ceremonies in the main stadium which is presented by the pokemon league founder, Mr. Goodshow. On the way to the stadium Ash saw a few interesting pokemon, such as Aipoms, rattata and patrats.

Other than possibly the aipom, those Pokemon aren’t rare. Rattata are common across multiple regions, and patrat are everywhere in Unova.

Jason: Not even going to touch on the rest of that paragraph?

No, I’m just saving my energy.

Jason: Uh, Square? What is that?

OH FUCK

‘Dives for cover’

When he got to the satdium, he saw someone he has been aching to crush for the past 7 years, it was none other than the purple haired Paul. What was shocking though, was the trainer next to him. She was a tall, 5,8 ft. trainer with long blonde hair reaching her knees, it was none other than the Sinnoh champion, Cynthia. It looked like they were searching for something. Ash walked up to them and asked, ” Hi, what are you looking for?”. “It’s non of your concern, so get lost!” Paul said to Ash. “Tisk tisk tisk, is that really how you greet an old friend Paul?”. Paul looked towards Ash with a curious look. “I’m sorry, have we met before?”. “Indeed we have, what? Don’t you recognise me?” Ash said with a mischevous grin. “Cut the bullshit and just tell me who you are”. Ash sighed, “I was one of your opponents in the Liley of the Valley Conference 7 years ago”. Paul put his fingers on his chin and began to think. “No I don’t remember you”. Ash sighed, he reached for his pokebelt and grabbed a pokeball releasing the pokemon inside. Pauls jaw dropped, he hadn’t seen this pokemon in 7 years. Suddenly he screamed at Ash, “Where the fuck have you been! We’ve been looking everywhere for you you little shit!”. Ash quickly put his hands on Pauls mouth and told him, “Shut up! People are staring!”. He took his hands of and said, “Look, I’ll explain everything later, meet at the park after the ceremony, got it? Paul nodded his head. But unbeknown to them, Cynthia was starting to form tears in her eyes. But by the time she got out of her shock, they were already gone, and the ceremony has started. She quickly ran to the V.I.P. box and took her seat. She just sat there in her own thought, thinking, ‘Finally, I have finally found you Ash!’ .

Well… Wedrich’s formatting might be beyond hope. There were like 4 conversions in all that. Since Jay here doesn’t have any knowledge of the anime, I’ll have to take that on by myself.

So, there’s Paul who was one of Ash’s rivals during the Sinnoh portion of the anime. His character can be summed up in one word. He was an asshole. Not one of the series’ best rivals for sure. He’s randomly hanging out with Cynthia, who starts crying because her role in life is to suck Wedr… I mean Ash’s dick.

Jason: Not gonna rant on the spelling again?

I’ll be here all damn day if I do, so I’ll pass on it this time.

The ceremony was rather fun and alive, with Mr. Goodshow welcoming all the trainers and explaining all the rules, and then the Kanto champion Lance giving the trainers a few words of encouragement.

Lance is the Kanto and Johto joint champion. Come on, at least get the game canon right.

Now we can see Ash walking towards the park ready to explain everything to Paul. When he got to the park, he saw someone that emmediatly make him shutter in fear, an angry Cynthia.

He should be scared of Cynthia. She’s got a garchomp that could probably snap him in half. I’d be scared.

Ash was so scared and nervous, he started to sweat, now he knows what Scott meant by “there’s someone here who misses you”. He slowly walked up to her and asked, “Hey Cynthia, how’s it going?”. “How’s it going? How’s it going? You mysteriously vanish for 5 years and the first thing you ask me is how’s it going!”. “Hey it was only a question”. Ash looked around and he didn’t see the person he was supposed meet. “Hey Cynthia, have seen Paul around?”. Cynthia looked at him with mischevous grin. “Yeah, he’s right over there.” Cynthia said while pointing to a nearby tree. Under the tree was a purple haired boy tied up by ropes. Ash quickly ran to the tree to help him but was stopped, when he looked back he saw Cynthia put her hand on his shoulder. “You can let him loose, but after you finished answering my questions”. Ash gulped, he knew this was not going to end well.

So Cynthia randomly kidnapped Paul to get Ash to answer her question? This bitch is gonna be nuttier than the nutty professor.

“Ok, first question, shoot.” . Cynthia readied herself. “Okay, where have you been for the past 5 years?”. “Everywhere, I’ve been traveling alone.”

Jason: But he still knows how to talk to women. Or men. Or humans.

“Why did you just leave without telling anybody?”. Ash was beginning to get angry and one can physicly see it in his body language because he started to clench his fists. “Tell you what, I won’t answer that question, but I would appreciate it if you would call me Red instead of Ash, and the next time you see my ex-traveling companions, ask them what happened 5 years ago in my house, deal?”

They told you to look for a new job. It wasn’t even like they were rude about it. You’re the one who acted like a child, what with all your insults.

Cynthia started to get suspicious, why would he tell her to ask his traveling companions? She thought about it for a minute and answered, “Fine, but why the new name?”. “Actually Cynthia, I have a few names, Red Satoshi, Shadow Force, Terminator, and my personal favourite, the Black Mamba.” Cynthia began to get confused on why he has so many nicknames, but before she could ask, he was already gone and Paul was untied. You could actually see steam coming out of her ears with annoyance. “Great, now I have to find him again!” she screamed at herself as she began walking down to her hotel.

When will writers learn that anime gaffes don’t work in literature?

Jason: Look at those names. It’s like a ten year old was asked to come up with cool sounding nicknames.

You might be closer to Wedrich’s actual age than I’d like.

Jason: Why is that?

If you’re here next chapter, you’ll see.

Ash breathed a sigh of relief when he stopped running into the forest to get away from the Sinnoh champions wrath. When he took a look around, he saw the same river and waterfall from the previous day, so he released his pokemon from their pokeballs and started training. While his pokemon were battling against each other, he and Silver started to spar, because Silver was not happy about being in his pokeball for so long. “Silver, I said I was sorry!”. “Sorry is not enough, you need to pay for what you did to me!”. ‘Whoa, Silver really hates being inside his ball” Ash thought to himself. The next thing he knew was being hit by an aura sphere. He had had enough, he charged his own aura sphere twice the size of Silver’s and fired it, hitting Silver dead centre in the chest, knocking him out instantly.

Ash needed a pikachu replacement, so he got a more loyal Lucario that doesn’t like being in his Pokéball.

Jason: He could not be less original.

Also, I’m debating whether or not to start a Stu counter. He just knocked out a Pokémon, and that’s not the first time he’s shown Stu traits. I feel like I should hold off for a bit, but if I see anything else, I’m starting one.

“Whoa boss, don’t you think you were a little hard on him?” the only talking cat that Ash knew asked. “Maybe, but he was starting to get on my nerves Meowth” Ash answered. “Now keep traing, we need to be ready if we need to escape Cynthia again.” Meowth gulped, he knew how strong the Sinnoh champion was, but he could easy give her a run for her money.

What the fuck is team Rocket’s meowth doing with Ash? What the fuck made the author think that was a smart idea?

“Alright everyone, line up!” Ash yelled. About 30 seconds later, all of his pokemon were standing in line. “Alright everyone, this is no mere normal competition, this is the Tournament of Legends so that means that all of the six regions most powerful trainers will be here and give it their all, but we won’t be holding back, because it’s not just the victory trophy we’re fighting for, those traitors are also here so we’re gonna get some payback, but not only that, in Mr. Goodshow’s speech, he told us that the winner will be crowned the new champion of Kalos, since Diantha quite because she wanted to be a full time actress with her pokemon, so when we win, I’ll be a pokemon master and you guys will be the world’s strongest pokemon, so, are we gonna give it our all?”. All of Ash’s pokemon gave an ear deafening roar, but Ash was unfazed because he was already used to it.

Jason: That was probably supposed to be an epic speech. It fell flat on its ass.

The training went on for about 3 hours when Ash decided that it was enough, he told his pokemon that they could sleep here, which most of them excepted, but some refused and decided to stay with their trainer.

If you have to battle soon, why aren’t you resting?

Jason: Seriously, training this close to a major battle is just stupid. You run the risk of injury and you’ll just end up tired if you push yourself too hard.

So Ash went back to his hotel, but unbeknownst to him, someone was spying on him for the past half hour. She said to herself, “After 5 years Ash, I finally found you, and you will be mine.”

So either Cynthia is a creep, or Ash has someone else crushing on him. I don’t know which the author would handle worse.

So that is it for this chapter, so who is this mysterious figure? Read and find out when the story continues.

Jason: Hey, we made it through that without you losing it. Congrats!

Don’t worry, next chapter will more than make up for it. I wouldn’t suggest sitting too close when the stupid hits.

Jason: How bad is it?

‘Shows next chapter’

Jason: Oh god. Dude, good luck.

Thanks. I’m gonna need it.

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26 Comments on “1297: The Journey Of A Betrayed Legend – Chapter Two”

  1. AdmiralSakai says:

    I’m not sure why this one stands out to me given that we have other ‘fics in the Library with titles like “New World Order I: A planets Corupption”,but “Journey Of A Bretrayed Legend” is just such an eminently awkward and unpronounceable title…

  2. AdmiralSakai says:

    add on 5 years with only animals for company and he’s a sex god.

    Well I for one do not like the implications.

  3. AdmiralSakai says:

    In the bathroom was a shower, a huge bath, the size of a snorlax, and a toilet.

    Wait, what’s an abstract numerical quantity doing in amongst his plumbing?

  4. AdmiralSakai says:

    a 4 seat white luxury chair

    So, you mean… a sofa?

    I smell hash table shenanigans.

  5. AdmiralSakai says:

    The ceremony was rather fun and alive

    Really?

    I always preferred my opening ceremonies dead.

  6. SC says:

    I checked out the reviews and good lord you did not listen to them. Well… Maybe the random 3 reviews that thought the sun shone out the story’s ass.

    Isn’t that how it always goes?

  7. SC says:

    Now without any further ados, enjoy the chap!

    Shades: …This chap?

    *Shades pokes Lordic*

    Lordic: If enjoying the chap means getting naked, I certainly won’t say no.

    Shades: Later, mate, later.

  8. SC says:

    Hey you, who do you think you are for steeling my nurse joy from me?!

    I’m an insane foundry worker!

    Enjoy your steel Joy statue, bitch!

  9. SC says:

    “Wel wel wel, look who finally decided to make an appearance” Scott said with a massive grin.

    Scott said

    Scott

    Oh, fuck me forever…

  10. "Lyle" says:

    He goes off an trains for three hours on the day of the tournament?! The fuck is he doing? Speaking as someone who has participated in tournaments before, that’s certainly not how that works. You need to show up a certain amount of time before hand, get yourself registered/signed in, find a corner to claim, do your pre-tourney exercises/stretches/warm ups, and scope out the competition! Full on training? Are you looking for injury?! What a twat.

    • SC says:

      He must subscribe to the Dragonball Z tournaments, where fights could go on for entire episodes and leave you plenty of time to pump up before your match.

  11. meeshybee says:

    Ash sighed, he reached for his pokebelt and grabbed a pokeball releasing the pokemon inside. Pauls jaw dropped, he hadn’t seen this pokemon in 7 years.

    Who’s that pokemon?

  12. meeshybee says:

    When he got to the park, he saw someone that emmediatly make him shutter in fear, an angry Cynthia.

    I don’t know about you, but I always make protective window coverings when I’m scared.

  13. TacoMagic says:

    “Well dumbass, I can’t steal from you what was never yours,” Ash said with a smirk.

    Cerbersheep! I choose you!

    *Throws a gong*

    *GONG*

    BAAAAAAA!?

    Oh, dude, sorry! It was supposed to be fun and Pokémon and stuff, I didn’t mean to nail you right in the head with it.

  14. TacoMagic says:

    Alright everyone, this is no mere normal competition, this is the Tournament of Legends so that means that all of the six regions most powerful trainers will be here and give it their all, but we won’t be holding back, because it’s not just the victory trophy we’re fighting for, those traitors are also here so we’re gonna get some payback, but not only that, in Mr. Goodshow’s speech, he told us that the winner will be crowned the new champion of Kalos, since Diantha quite because she wanted to be a full time actress with her pokemon, so when we win, I’ll be a pokemon master and you guys will be the world’s strongest pokemon, so, are we gonna give it our all?

    *Falls over*

    Sweet crap, that’s all one sentence. My brain nearly died of asphyxiation while reading it.

  15. PKMNMasterRed12 says:

    when is the next chapter uploaded?


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