1296: agig’s Old Shame Sunday – A series of One-Shots, Part OnePosted: January 10, 2016
Title: halo: cross universe
Genre: none listed
URL: Not Found Online
Critiqued by agigabyte
Hello, Patrons and Librarians! It’s agig here. As in, the person, not the character. This is why I have my characters refer to me as “author.” Anyway, you may have gathered the purpose of this by the title. Now, the reason for it being called “Old Shame Sunday” is that almost all of my old shames are too short to even be one shots. Yeah. So I’m going to do multiple reviews, in every issue except this one, because most of these are a couple of paragraphs or less in length. This first one is called “halo: cross universe” and is somehow better than around sixty percent of the legitimate stories I’ve seen here. Anyway, there is context for this piece of trash…
When I was nine, the co op program I go to on Tuesdays had a creative writing program. Near the end of the school year, we had to write a short story of a half page. Think of it like NaNoWriMo, but for a week at the start of May. And you only had to write half a page. So really, nothing like NaNoWriMo.
Moving on from this awkward bit, I was inspired to do these when I found a copy of the thing sitting in my room. Sadly, I couldn’t find the digital copy so I’m reconstructing it for you. This fic is called “halo: cross universe.” Now, let’s begin.
S-447 was walking through the wastelands under a cliff whenever suddenly,
And from behind!
a green humanoid with a bear appeared in a flash of light
And this isn’t even the worst method of inciting conflict I have.
And of course it was a foot taller than him with a meter long spiked club in in hand.
Wait a moment. Did I just see:
a foot taller than him with a meter long
*Recoils* Damn unit mixing!
Then a fireball shot towards him.
Suddenly and from behind!
…I have a feeling this will be happening a lot in this fic.
As he’s a Spartan he had
I’ll be right back. I need a temporal barf bag.
*A few minutes later, comes back*
a suit of MJOLLNIR armor with full one-way shielding
Nice job researching the source material, me. Really nice fucking job.
and a reaction time of 0.023 seconds
Spartan Gary-447 can travel at the speed of plot, it seems.
and was easily able to dodge the trolls strike and deflect the fireball. Then in a single movement he whipped out his energy sword and slashed the troll, killing it instantly.
After that, he wondered just how those things appeared, so he ran out from under the cliff and saw a woman wearing a purple robe
I think that a very mild beige is a more appropriate color.
with a glowing staff in hand. “What the heck did you do that for!?: He asked. “Leave
our planet and never return you wretched aliens,” she said. Then 3 Covenanent corvette class starships jumped out of slipspace above them. “Come on,” said S-447.
They ran towards a corvette that had deployed Phantom dropships to the surface
Dear God, she trusted him instantly! The Stufluence is spreading! Quick, Purple Robed Woman, run!
Also, how is she keeping up with him? Magic, I’d presume, but apparently I never specified.
and S-447 pulled out his Spartan Laser Cannon and fired at a dropship which exploded when hit.
I guess that the Spartan Laser is the modded version that fires as soon as you pull the trigger and kills everything instantly.
3 Elites and 2 Hunters jumped out of the dropship before it was destroyed. The Hunters fired
Oh, lovely, it’s a character blob. One that fires instantly.
and the sorceress made a magical shield, blocking the shots. Then S-447 pulled out a Sniper Rifle and fired off two shots.
What I want to know is how he fit two very large weapons on his back. *Smack head* Oh, wait, he didn’t. He just stuck them in the formless void.
One shot hit a hunter in the small spot on the neck that was unprotected, killing it instantly.
Wait, is this following the game mechanics of Halo CE, now? In no other game would a single shot kill a hunter.
The other shot grazed the armor, killed an Elite,
Wait, what? Did it graze the armor of the Elite or the Hunter? If the former, why was it in battle with its shields down and how did a grazing shot kill it? If the latter, why was the Elite lying down on the ground next to the Hunter’s carcass?
Bwah? The… what the fuck is this?! I don’t fuckin… how?! *Drinks some Hot Cocoa and takes a deep breath* *Lets out breath* Okay, I’m just going to move on.
back and hit the massive unprotected back of the hunter, killing it.
You know, Syl hates Zombies. She’ll be glad it was killed immediately.
The sorceress shot a fireball at an elite, strait through the shielding and killing it. The remaining elite pulled out its own energy sword, knocked S-447down to the ground and raised its blade up high.
And that’s the end. However, I don’t believe we should end on a cliffhanger, so I’ll write an ending.
It stabbed Gary-447 through the heart, and then shot Purple Robed Woman with a plasma rifle. The End.
Well, that’s all I have for now. I’ll be back with this some time. Probably after Garfield Effect, though. See you guys later.