1290: Everybody Likes Chocolate – Chapter Nine

Title: Everybody Likes Chocolate
Author: nutin-but-JD
Media:  Book / Movie
Topic: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Genre: Romance
Chapter Nine
Critiqued by Lyle

Good morning, everyone!  Welcome back to Everybody Likes Chocolate!  Koori is still on leave so it’s still me by myself!  I added an espresso bar to the blanket fort!  This is my forth coffee of the day and it’s only 7am!

Anyway, last time on ELC, we not only got one of the stupidest twajek pasts, but we finally got a name for Kitty:  Bridget.  Apparently, when Bridget was four, her parents were killed by the PCC a random burglar.  She remembers this vividly, even though the memories you gain when you’re four are spotty at best.  She escaped an unlikely placement in an orphanage when she was eight, and then lived in a vacant lot by herself until she was twelve.  At twelve, she moved into the murfleflumdeflur.  She is now thirteen.

Lina:  That’s an old kitty.


*falls out of her chair*


Lina:  Yo.  *A young woman dressed in a simple, long-sleeved, light blue shirt and faded blue jeans is draped in Koori’s chair.  She wears her long, brown hair in a braid over one shoulder.  Eyes the color of fresh blood peer over the tops of a pair of wire-framed reading glasses perched on the end of her nose*


Lina:  You’ve been ignoring my story for, what, three years?  Is this what you’ve been doing in the meantime?  *looks pointedly at the blanket fort*  Is that espresso I smell?


Lina:  I’ll take a mocha, two shots.

*Lyle dazedly crawls into the blanket fort.  The sounds of steaming milk and dripping espresso emanate from between the flaps.  Lyle crawls back out and hands Lina a mocha*

What in the world are you doing here?  And why are you wearing glasses?  You’re a vampire; you don’t need them.

Lina:  My informants told me you’ve been hiding out here in this euclidean fortress.  Then I come to find out that you invited Helena to assist you in one of your little projects.  *Lina studies her nails carefully before glancing back up at Lyle*  You could say I was a tit disappointed.

And the glasses?

Lina:  I think they make me look smarter.  Don’t you agree?

They certainly make you look older.

Lina:  Good enough!  Now, introduce me properly to your little readers and let’s get on with this, shall we?

O…kay.  Well, then.  Lovelies, this is Lina Gates-Tepes.  She’s a Hunter-turned-vampire from one of my urban supernatural stories.  Hunters are like Slayers, expect they kill werewolves.  She used to live in America, until she was turned and moved to England to live with her new coven.  She retains much of her Hunter powers but has essentially become a contented couch potato and soccer mom.

Lina:  Nonsense.  Aislyn never played football.

So, chapter nine is titled “Where To Sleep.”  Hopefully, not in Wonka’s bed with him.

I was getting a bit tired now, and I needed to rest some. “Do you know what time it is?”

Lina:  Time for more coffee!  *crawls into the blanket fort*  You want one?


“Yes, hold on.” he pulled out his watch, “my, it’s ten o’clock, why ever do you ask?”

“I am a bit tired, sir. I haven’t slept well lately.”

I imagine sleeping in the murfleflumdeflur is uncomfortable.

“Oh dear. I suppose you will need a place to sleep, considering you will be staying for a while.”

“I was thinking, perhaps, the couch? The one I saw when I first arrived?”

A potentially comfortable choice.

Lina:  Especially for a cat.  *emerges from the fort with coffees.  She hands one to Lyle and retakes Koori’s seat with her own coffee in hand*

He thought about it for a moment, and shook his head in disagreement. “I have known it to be very. quiet in there. I don’t like it myself. You may sleep here,” he said, and stood up from his bed once more.


“But where will you sleep?”

“I never thought of that. I don’t know, on the floor, perhaps.”

Lina:  Why not let the cat share the bed with him?

Because, despite what things seem, she’s not really a cat.  She’s a thirteen-year-old girl.

Lina:  You wot?  He doesn’t have a guest room in this giant factory-home of his?

“Oh no, sir. I couldn’t let you do that. It’s not worth it. Having to sleep on the floor just because little old me is taking up your bed. I can find somewhere else.”

Lina:  *snorts*  “little old” you, huh?  Honey, let me tell you about being old-

In her day, she had to walk uphill in the snow, both ways, to find a werewolf to kill.

Lina:  no-country-for-old-men-tommy-lee-jones
If you’re quite finished sassing me…

I have not yet begun to sass.

“No, really, you can sleep here, I don’t mind. The floor is a change for me, yes. But not a bad one, perhaps.”

Wonka, you’re an old man.  You shouldn’t be sleeping on the floor.

He went into a nearby closet and fetched a blanket and a pillow. He spread them out on the floor, and adjusted them to his own content. “Thank you, Mr. Wonka,” I said, sitting down upon the make-shift bed that was on the floor, “I appreciate the gesture.” It had been a long time since I had used a pillow. Or even a proper blanket, really. Usually I used a piece of canvas.

Lina:  So she sleeps on the floor, anyway, despite Wonka adjusting the floor-bed to his own needs.

I laid down on it. Even though the floor was solid, and no covering, it seemed rather soft. At first I thought that it may have been because of the fact that I hadn’t slept on anything but concrete for some time, but then I realized that it was really soft. I liked it. A lot. After about 3 minutes, I found myself slowly slipping into the deepest sleep of my life.

*BZZZZZZZZT!*  No numbers in the prose!

Lina:  What in the world was that?!

Carlos, Lina.  Lina, Carlos.  *hands over the cattle prod*

Lina:  Blimey.  *hands it back carefully*  That’d hurt me, even.

Anyway, so she’s now sleeping on a floor that’s actually soft, despite being solid-

Lina:  Because floors are often semi-permeable-

And she knows exactly how much time passes before she falls asleep in the presence of a stranger.

Did I dream? Of course I did! Mostly bad dreams, about the past. However, tonight was different. I dreamt about rather pleasant things. The good things that I had. They were very few, but very good. As soon as the dream ended, another began. This time. what?! I was actually dreaming about Mr. Wonka! That couldn’t be normal. He was giving me a tour of the factory. He asked me what I thought. Then he asked me if I wanted to help him run it. I accepted, and.

Lina:  Jesus Mother of Mary, that’s a lot of ramble in one paragraph.

… Jesus Mother of Mary?

Lina:  What?  It’s legitimate.


Anyway… Kitty answers the unasked (and unnecessary) question of if she dreams by having a seizure, apparently.

gasp! I had been woken up by a strange noise. I looked over to see him sleeping quite soundly in his nice little bed. What had woken me up? I sat up and examined the room. Nothing. I laid back down. There it was again! A high-pitched sort of screeching noise. I didn’t want to wake him, but I had to.

It’s a funny, screechy sort of noise.

“Mr. Wonka.” my voice became very calm, very still, as I said that.

“My, what are you doing up so very late?”

“Sir, I was woken up by…” there it was again. “That noise.”

He listened for a moment, and then sat up. “That noise,” he said sweetly, “is just your imagination. Believe me, it is. It’s whatever you want it to be. I’m sure the painful recollection of your parents is the source of this.” He sat on the edge of his bed, and turned on the light. “Now, all you have to do is think about something else. Anything but that.”

Lina:   She hears a weird noise, you wake up in time to hear it again, and you try to convince her it never happened and it has to be related to her dead parents?  Bloke’s barmy!

No argument from me.

“Alright.” I had it, I was thinking about something happy, not sad. The noise didn’t change. I screamed. Louder than ever. So loud, my throat hurt as I held it out.

Lina:  Whoa!  What the hell just happened?

The noise scared her enough that she just randomly decided to scream her head off?

There he was. The man who killed my parents.

Both:  readImage

Random Burglar/Murderer just so happened to stumble into Wonka’s factory, make screeching noises all over the place, and then find the bedroom you were sleeping in, all while not alerting the vigilant Oompa Loompa’s to his presence.

Lina:  I’ve seen more believable plot twists in my pudding.

On that “cliffhanger,” we leave you for this week.

Lina:  Wait, that’s it?

I’m pressed for time today.  Next week I’ll do a two-fer.

Lina:  Oh, sounds like a lark.  What time should I be here?

…  Oh, why the hell not?  Be here at six in the morning.  Until next week!

Lina:  Toodles!


20 Comments on “1290: Everybody Likes Chocolate – Chapter Nine”

  1. meeshybee says:

    Any bets Good Ol’ Charlie dosed that chocolate [error: item not found] with something? Would explain why he was confused that she didn’t immediately proclaim it the best thing ever. Could explain “the others”, too, if he’s preying on homeless children. And the suddenly leaving town would fit easily. An urchin would be much more likely to simply leave than report anything to authorities. And the complaint of a talking cat definitely won’t be taken seriously.

    It’s disturbing how easy that was to come up with.

  2. GhostCat says:

    Or even a proper blanket, really. Usually I used a piece of canvas.

    Wait, where did she get canvas from? That’s not a material used very often these days; you wouldn’t expect to find a blanket-sized piece laying around. And a piece of canvas would make a better tent or lean-to than a blanket.

  3. GhostCat says:

    Anyway, so she’s now sleeping on a floor that’s actually soft, despite being solid-

    Must be pine, that’s a very soft wood.

  4. a tit disappointed

    Cain: Normally I ignore little typos, especially from Librarians. However, this one is… well, this.

  5. CrunchyRaptor says:

    *Walks in wearing a hardhat, reflective yellow vest, and holding a clipboard*

    I am looking for a… Layl? Something about having a wine cellar added to her fort. The boys are starting up the back hoe, but I need somebody to sign this liability waver before we start digging.

    *flips a page*

    According to this, the new fireplace is on back order, so expect us back next week when it comes in.

    • Lina says:

      I’ll take that! *signs the work order without really bothering to read it* Thank you, Somewhat Disconcerting Giant Lizard Creature. *hands back the clipboard* Nice hat.

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