1273: The Journey Of A Betrayed Legend – Chapter OnePosted: December 20, 2015
Hello everyone I’m back! This time I’ve brought a friend. Ethan Gold is one of the protagonists of my fic, Shattered Thrones. Ethan, say hello to all the lovely readers for me.
Ethan: Where am I? Where’s Lyra? Where’s my team? “Draws sword” Who the fuck are you?
Whoa, put the sword down. You’re just here to help me make fun of some really bad writing. You’ll be sent back to Azalea as soon as we’re done.
Ethan: You didn’t answer me.
Yeesh. I’m your writer, you’re in the Library, and Lyra and your team are still in your fic.
Ethan: I don’t know what those things mean.
You don’t need to. You can read right?
Ethan: Of course I can.
Good, that’s all you’ll need. Now, today I’m bringing you more Pokemon. In particular, I’ve brought you one of the worst fics I’ve come across while surfing the Pokemon category on fanfiction.net. It’s an Ash Betrayed fic, which are probably the single worst type of fic on the site, so expect it to horrendously stupid.
Ethan: Who’s Ash? Why’s he being betrayed?
Ash is the main protagonist of the Pokemon anime. He’s being betrayed because stupid.
Ethan: Bold words.
Oh you’ll see how right I am in a few minutes.
Chapter 1: Betrayals Sting
Hi guys, this is Wedrich1234 here(yes, that is German, but I live in South Africa), I just want to say that this is my first fanfic, so pls don’t be rude, advice will always be excepted, and if you guys have any ideas how to make the story better pls tell me, I want as many ideas as possible. So this will be an Ash Betrayed story, I know that there are many of those but I like it. So Ash is betrayed by all of his friends except Cynthia because she has a crush on him.
So, there was a lot of stupid in that paragraph. First off, if you’re putting something on the internet you should expect some people not to like your stuff.
Ethan: Advice is excepted? Is he serious?
Yes, and that’s the scary part. Oh, as we’ll see later, the author seriously suffers from “too many ideas”. That’s even scarier once we realize the depths of dear Wedrich’s stupidity.
Ethan: He said that there’s a lot of Ash Betrayed fics. How many?
Too many to count. Between Ash Betrayed and the rampant plot regurgitation fics, there’s a lot of shit to get through. I speak from first hand experience when I say that getting your fic noticed through all the garbage is extremely difficult.
Ethan: Hey I recognize that name. Cynthia is the empress of Sinnoh, right?
Close enough. In canon, she’s the Champion of Sinnoh. She’s probably my favourite champion in the series, and certainly was the hardest for me to beat. So it’s good to know that she’ll be reduced to nothing more than Ash’s fuck toy in this story.
Warning: This story is rated M for language, voilence and any future lemons.
Disclaimer: I don’t own pokemon or any of it’s characters, just the story line.
Now without any further ado, injoy the story
Ethan: Vailence? Injoy? Square, what’re you doing to me?
Hey, don’t rope me into this. I told you there would be stupid.
Ethan: I mean, the story isn’t even rated M! He fully said it was.
Yes, but I doubt he knows how to change the rating to M.
Somewhere on the top of Mount Silver stood a man with the height of 6ft 1, with raven black hair and one chocolate brown eye and one grey, lifeless eye and is wearing a royal blue coloured aura gaurdian uniform with a cape fluttering in the wind, this man is known as Ash Ketchum. Beside him stood a humanoid, jackal like pokemon with where there is supposed to blue fur, is silver fur, this pokemon is known as a lucario, but is nicknamed Silver. He is staring at the outskirts of a small town, watching the young children play, families spending time together, and everything else.
I’m gonna call it right now. Ash will be a Gary Stu. It almost always happens in these kinds of stories, and shiny Pokemon are a HUGE indicator. Same with Aura.
Ethan: Like Mina being blue and not red?
Yes, but it’s believable for you. You’re a highly respected breeder that sells hundreds of Pokemon every month. It makes sense that you’d either have one, or at the very least have sold a few.
Ethan: I also noticed that the author mentions Aura while misspelling the word guardian. If I remember the legends properly, they’re an extinct order of warriors that originated in Sinnoh.
You’re close. They’re humans that can manipulate Aura. What that means is that they can read minds, sense emotions, and use it to form barriers and attacks.
Ethan: That sounds like it could be annoying.
Yeah, badfic authors tend to use it to make their Stu more awesome.
But this was no normal town for him, it was his hometown, Pallet town. This is the place where he began his pokemon journey on his tenth birthday. He can remember it like it was yesterday.
Ethan: Ho-Oh above, that’s awkwardly phrased.
Oh, we’re just getting started.
Slowly there began to form a tear in his right eye. Lucario, sensing his masters emotions, asked him through the power of aura, “Is everything alright master?”. Ash looked at Silver and said, “Everything is fine Silver, just remembering that day. Can you believe it’s been 5 years since they did that to me?”. Silver looked down, he wasn’t there that day to protect his master, but he didn’t know what happened because his master captured him only 2 months later as a riolu. “I just wish I could have been there to protect you from those people master”, said Silver as he had a bit of sadness in his voice. “Don’t be so hard on yourself Silver, you couldn’t have done anything because you weren’t there, and stop calling me master!” Ash said to Silver. “As you wish master”. Ash sighed, “There’s no changing you, is there Silver?”. Silver just shrugged. ” It still hurts me till this day”.
Well it’s official. Wedrich doesn’t know how to format dialogue.
Ethan: Or punctuate it for that matter.
Or write it in a way that flows. Seriously, it’s so wooden that I could break it apart to use as lumber.
FLASHBACK: 5 YEARS AGO IN PALLET TOWN
Shitty way to cut to a flashback, but…
Ethan: Hey what’s that?
Oh shit! Get down!
Ash just came back after his defeat in the Kalos Confrence, which he lost to Calem. He looked sad but that is not the reason why, it’s because Calem asked a certain honey coloured hair girl to become his girlfriend, which she excepted. That broke Ashs heart, he loved that girl more than anything, and he was going to ask her to become his girlfriend after he won his finals battle, but after he heard her saying that Calem asked her out, he couldn’t do it. “Why Serena, why did you say yes to him?” he said to himself not noticing his best friend Pikachu sitting on his right shoulder giving him a simpathetic look. After the closing ceremony, he didn’t have a reason to stay in Kalos any longer, so he took the first flight to Kanto early the next morning without saying goodbye. Now he is standing in front of his house in Pallet town, he knocks on the door and a minute later a woman in her early fourties opened the door and gave him a bone crushing hug, this woman was Ashs mother, Delia Ketchum. “Oh honey, I’m so glad your back, I’ve missed you so much!” Delia said to her son. “I’ve missed you too mom” Ash said as he hugged back. “Ash, there are some of your friends here, they are waiting for you inside”. Ash was a little surprised by this, he didn’t think his friends would be here. He walked inside and saw all of his previous traveling companions there, Misty, Brock, May, Max, Dawn, Gary, Prof. Oak, Bonnie, Clemont, Serena and strangely, Calem, who was arm in arm with Serena. Seeing Serena with Calem like that made his heart shatter. “Hi guys, what are you doing here?” Ash asked them. “Well Ash, there is something we need to talk about” Gary said with a sadish voice. Ash raised his eyebrow wondering what they wanted to say to him. “Ash we think you should stop traveling and being a pokemon trainer because your weak, you haven’t won a league yet and you’ve been traveling for 6 years!” Misty said with anger and venom in her voice. “Yeah, and while your at it give us your pokemon so that they can have some real trainers to take care of them, not someone pathetic like you!” Max yelled making Ash angry thinking that they are going to take his pokemon, but what was even more shocking was right after Max said that, Pikachu jumped off of Ash’s shoulder and on to Max’s lap. This made Ask loose his control and was being surrounded by a royal blue aura making everyone gasp.
Ethan: “pokes head out” The fuck was that?
“Dusts off jacket” That my friend, is one of the biggest walls of text I’ve ever seen.
Ethan: That could’ve killed us.
If we aren’t careful, the author will just kill us with stupid anyway. I’ll take this one, considering you don’t have any experience with the anime, and this fic seems to draw mostly from that.
I say mostly because Calem doesn’t exist in the anime. He’s the male protagonist of Pokemon X and Y. Apparently, he beat Ash (not surprising) and took his girl (also unsurprising). Apparently Ash likes Serena, when he doesn’t in canon. So basically, Ash walks into his house and sees all the people he’s traveled with. They tell him he’s a shit trainer and he should give it up for a regular career. Then Pikachu abandons him and Max tells him that they’re gonna take his Pokemon away. As stupid as all that is, it’s pretty common in these stories. Plus, it’s nowhere near as stupid as what comes next.
Ash walked up to everyone in the room and told the exactly what he thinks of them. First it was Misty, “Misty you are just a brat thinking you could get anything you want just by throwing a tantrum and being angry, well I’m sick of it and you can go get your own fucking bike ’cause I’m not paying you back!”.
Misty is not a brat. Admittedly, she is annoying sometimes. But she gets angry because she’s easily frustrated. Overall though, she’s shown to be a caring friend, who by the end of the second Pokemon movie has developed a crush on Ash. Throughout the anime, it’s implied that she doesn’t care about her bike anymore and is just following Ash around because she wants to.
“Turns to Ethan and throws phone” Get on Bulbapedia, you’re helping me.
Ethan: Gah, how do you work this thing?
Then he went to Brock. “And you are just a sick pervert thinking that if you can actually get a girl that she will stay with you longer than a weak!”.
Uhhhh, Brock isn’t a pervert. Far from it actually. He’s a hopeless romantic with a poetic mind. Most of his overtures of love include how the woman is the most beautiful he’s ever seen and how he’d treat her amazingly. He’s also the master of the shitty pun, and a far more interesting character than Ash ever was.
Ethan: I’m assuming he means week, and not weak.
Never assume with stupid.
Next was May. “If you say that I’m weak, then guess what princess, so are you, because I taught you everything you know about pokemon, and your as dumb as ground when it comes to combo moves because I helped you everytime before a contest to get ready, and how o you thank me?, by going with that that bushboy of yours to Jhoto!”.
Ethan: HEY! It’s Johto! Get it right! “Whispers to Square” what’s a bushboy?
“Shrugs” Fuck if I know. I just want to know if the author proofread his work. I seriously doubt it, considering how awkward some of these sentences are. Also, I love how the author completely paves over the student/mentor relationship between these two on his way to “ASH IS BETRAYED BCAUZ TRAJIK!” Seriously, seeing Ash be the mentor to someone even less capable than him was one of the best parts of the anime.
Her decision to go to Johto and compete in contests on her own showed how far she came under Ash’s tutelage, but still how far she had to go. She left to develop her own battle style, but here that doesn’t matter, it’s all about how she abandoned poor Ash.
After May was Max. ” And you, you wanna-be-trainer, how can you have such a big mouth for such a little body, I mean every time someone argues with you, you lose it and start yelling at them because you think you are so much smarter than everyon else, but I’ve got news for you, you are not the smartest one, you only think you are!”
Ethan: I think I know what he’s talking about here. Bulbapedia says that Max criticized Ash’s battle strategy with his Pikachu. But it also says that he admitted that Ash knew what he was doing once he saw how effective Ash’s strategy was.
Ash shifted his gaze to Dawn. ” I also taught you about pokemon co-ordanating, and do you know how irritating it was to always listen to your continues mumbling about people like Ursala calling you Dee-dee, about Farnando always beating you? Let’s just say the day I left you it felt like a huge amount of relief came to me and I couldn’t be happier”.
Ethan: Hey, Square? You ok?
NO! I’ve had I with this asshole. Dawn, much like Brock, is a FAR superior character than Ash. She was the first legitimate good character that we saw in the anime since May’s debut. If you can’t tell, Dawn was by far my favourite companion in the anime and it’s not even close. Fuck, half the time she was the one inventing new strategies that Ash would end up adopting. Hell, she even caught a buizel that kicked pikachu’s ass, then traded the buizel to Ash because it wanted to compete in the gym challenge. You can tell that the author doesn’t have a leg to stand on, because he resorts to pointing out that the people that annoy Dawn are annoying!
Ethan: Dude, calm thoughts. Remember, I still need you to get me home after this.
I swear if I see much more stupid I’ll put a hole in the wall.
You could almost see a vein pop in his head when he looked towards Iris. “You always call me a little kid, and is always following me around for no reason at all, but look at us now, now your calling me a failure, and what about you? You couldn’t even get Axew to evolve!”
FUCKING HYPOCRITE “headdesk” YOU “headdesk” NEVER “headdesk” EVOLVE “headdesk” YOUR “headdesk” POKEMON “headdesk headdesk headdesk headdesk” AAAAAAGGGGGHHHH
Ethan: Uhhhhh… Square?
Ethan: Read that paragraph.
Wedrich, I will hunt you down if you continue the stupidity.
“Now for the so called A-class conosuir, (AN:Sorry guys, I don’t know how to spell it)you always talk weird, no-one ever understands what your saying and your cooking isn’t even on a resturaunt level!”
MID CHAPTER AUTHOR’S NOTE ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME?
Ethan: Hey, even I can see that it’s lazy. That doesn’t mean you can yell.
IT FUCKING DOES. ESPECIALLY WHEN THE AUTHOR IS TOO LAZY TO FIND THE PROPER SPELLING OF A WORD. Also, Cilan? Second only to Brock in the pun department. Automatically makes him better than Ash.
“And Clemont, you call yourself an adventor but your stuff never works, and you suck at battling, no wonder you gave your gym to a robot!”
We aren’t even out of the first chapter yet, and its official. The author has stopped caring.
Ethan: Seriously, adventor? I don’t think Lyra can read, but she could do better than this.
“For Bonnie I have something special to say, you will never get your brother a wife because you freak them out, and you will also never get a boyfriend because you will let them commit suicide!”
Wait… Ethan, can you find me Bonnie’s bulbapedia page?
Ethan: Hold on a sec… Here ya go.
I thought so. Ash just told a child that she’ll make every guy who dates her commit suicide.
Ethan: We’re rooting for this guy?
No, but the author wants us to.
“Calem, your just an arrogant brat who thinks he’s the best just because he won a league on his first try, well guess what, I know your little secret, I know that you borrowed your Charizard and Greninja from your older brother!”
Did you forget your own charizard? Or your sceptile? Or your Pikachu, which has an advantage over both of those Pokemon?
Ethan: Even if he borrowed from his brother, Ash still lost. Most likely outsmarted by the sounds of it. It’s not really that surprising, Ash tends to lose more than once against each gym leader, and his strategy is “Once more, with feeling”.
“Serena, Serena, Serena, you know, I thought that you looked beautiful the first time I saw you in Kalos, and my feelings for you only grew stronger when I saw how pure and kind your heart was, but now, now your nothing more than a slut!”
Fuck you, Ash. Now you’re referring to her as a slut. I’ll just refer you to Ert’s rant about using the word slut. I just want to point out that Serena’s feelings for Ash are completely one-sided. He doesn’t feel anything back because he’s incapable of romance.
“Gary, the day we left on our journey you were nothing more than an arrogant brat that thought he was always better than everyone else because his father is a gym leader and his grandfather is a world renowned pokemon professor!”
Ok, Gary was a dick at the beginning of the anime. I’ll give you that one. But he was an entertaining dick. The guy had a squad of cheerleaders and a car at the age of 10. Don’t tell me that you aren’t entertained by that notion.
” Professor, you were once my idol, my hero, my father figure, now your just as big as an asshole as everyone in this room!”
If you’re actually gonna give me a reason, I might be willing to listen. What’s that? You’d rather shout incoherently about betrayal? Whatever floats your boat.
Ash looked at his mom and there was a tear starting to form in his eyes, then looked at Pikachu who was shocked to hear this come from his trainers mouth.
Ash turned around and started walking towards the Oak’s residents, but before he walked out of the room, he turned his head and said his last words to them, “You are gonna regret this day you traitors.”
The word you’re looking for is residence.
Ethan: Is it just me, or did Ash sound like a 5 year old? I mean, they didn’t really betray him. They’re suggesting he stop traveling because it’s been 6 years and he hasn’t won a league.
Might I remind you that each league is damn near impossible to win. Hundreds of trainers, each the best in the region competing to see who the best of the best is. It sounds like it’d be difficult to win.
All this is completely ignoring the fact that Ash HAS won a league. He won the Orange League by defeating Drake, undefeated by God knows how many trainers, and has several top 8 performances under his belt.
He walked to the ranch where all his pokemon are and when he got there, he told all of them what happened. They were all furious, they trusted those people with their lives, and this is how they repaid their trainer after all he’s done for them? They were definitly going to get revenge. What shocked them was that Ash asked them if anyone of them want to leave him, but everyone shook their heads signaling no. He went to Prof. Oak’s laptop and erased everything about him, his hometown, his pokemon, his past, his accomplishments, everything, so know he was a ghost. With everything done he got a few spare pokeball belt holders and put them on, one on each leg, three at his waist, two going over his breast(like in the army with the generals’ satchels) and a pokeball necklace. He put all 41 pokeballs in their holders with 13 spare slots(his original belt plus the new ones make = 54). With that he called out Charizard and ordered him to go to Sinnoh.
So then we get a summary of Ash’s Pokemon agreeing to follow him. Then a summary of Ash deleting himself from the internet.
Ethan: You can do that?
No, and definitely not off one laptop. Then we’re given 2 MORE AUTHOR’S NOTES. And Ash can carry all his Pokemon because stupid.
Ethan: He’s got 41 Pokemon? All with him? I’ll speak from experience, just one can be too much to handle. The amount of food I have to gather and hunt to feed a full team of 6 is ridiculous. But beyond that, how is Ash gonna handle that many at once? There’s a reason people only carry 6 Pokemon around at once. It’s because more than that becomes too difficult to do damn near anything. I guess you could possibly carry more, but you’d definitely be neglecting a few of them.
This is an excellent example of taking the game limits too far in a fic. I can understand changing elements from the game, but there is a limit. Here? The limit is stupid.
Ash started to cry, but was stopped when all of his pokemon stood in a battle stance( I’m not going to name them all, there’s to many). He looked up to see a Swellow come to him. He got a bit curious and told his pokemon to stand down, although some of them were still on their gaurd. He held out his arm for Swellow to land, which it did, and then he sees a letter on the pokemon’s leg. He took it and began to read it.
LAZY BASTARD, ENOUGH!
Ethan: He still can’t spell guard. Or the word too, for that matter.
Dear Red Satoshi
Because of your astounding achievements the pokemon sees fit to let you compete in the once-in-a-century tornament where all the strongest trainers will compete. I have sent this letter with Swellow to you on the 1st September. You have until the 15th to enter at the pokemon centre at the Indigo Plateau. We wish and hope to see you compete with all your might.
Sincerely, Scott and mr. Goodshow
Ash if you get this you better compete you little bastard, I used all my resources to find you, and we miss you Ash, no-one here can bring the spark in the tournament like you can. There is also someone here who misses you very much
If I have to read that letter again, my head might explode.
Ethan: Don’t worry, we can skip it.
Ash grinned and told the news to his pokemon, who in excitement let out a roar and an attack such as flamethrower etc.
Did he actually use etc? In the narrative?
Ash thought to himself, ‘Get ready people, because Ash Ketchum is back and better than ever’
Ethan: Wait, hasn’t it only been like 5 minutes?
As far as we know.
He returned all his pokemon to their pokeballs except one
With three words he left with a huge grin on his face
You couldn’t word that any worse if you tried.
“Charizard, Indigo Plateau”
Save yourself! Leave this fic and this stupidity behind.
Wow, that was exhausting, anyway, tell me what you think, critisism is excepted, and pls review.
This is Wedrich 1234 sighning out
Your writing is offensive enough to start a war.
Ethan: And he still can’t spell.
There are 4 more chapters in this thing.
Ethan: Please don’t make me stay for them.
No, I’m taking you back to Azalea now. But I’ll be back soon, and I’ll need something to help me get through the rest of this shit if it’s half as bad.
Ethan: Please don’t bring me back.
Fine, you’re lucky. Because the fic just gets worse from here.