1270: Fire Emblem: ReAwaken – Chapter Eight

Title: Fire Emblem: ReAwaken
Author: MaesterDimentio
Media: Video Game
Topic: Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Adventure/Fantasy
URL: Chapter 8
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck, Sterling Bengtzing, and Crunchy Raptor

Sterling Bengtzing: Well how the fuck was I supposed to know that asking how they worked would fuck it up, you weirdasses!?

Because it’s one of those ‘don’t ask’ things?

Crunchy: Well, you did neglect to mention that it to the puppy here.

SB: You wanna get knocked the fuck out?!

C: Depends. How badly do you wish to be choked?

What about we don’t do that and instead concentrate on a solution to this shit?

SB: Jävla helvete

Welcome to our lives. Well, while the ninjas get Bifocals to make another one, let’s keep going, shall we?

SB: Still?!

Well, duh. Let’s get in on this thing!

We pick up with this:

None of them could believe what they were seeing, that they were standing in the midst of this bloodbath, with a mysterious mage plunging his hand through the chest of a powerful knight, who had managed to save one of their friends only moments ago by taking the fatal blow. They were all rooted in place as the mage cocked his head to the side, as if curious by what Rorik had just done, before ripping the Great Knight’s heart out. There had been screams: Genevieve out of horror, Albert, Garrett, and Myra out of anger, and Marco…

Marco screamed out of fear.

Oh yay, we’re rewinding to get the same action from a different POV. Because this hasn’t been annoying before at all!

SB: *aloof* What now?

Point of view.

C: Try to keep up.

SB: *middle finger*

Fear for the lives of the people that had fought beside him. This man, this monster, as there was no chance for this creature to be a human, had massacred an entire estate out of reverence for his ‘god’, the Fell Dragon, Grima. We… we have to run! We have to take Krysta and get out of here, but… why can’t I move?! It was as if Marco’s legs had been turned to stone. He was rooted to the spot where he stood, forced to watch as the mage crushed Rorik’s heart in front of the man’s eyes, a dry and heartless chuckle coming from behind the mask.

SB: Well this motherfucker’s kinda overkillin’ it, no?

C: Mmph, that is such a classic overachiever. Does he not know that one does not crush hearts after he has already ripped it open? Children may be watching!

You’ve never struck me as the type to be afraid for children. Jiwe is really rubbing off on you, isn’t he?

C: Restrain yourself from being silly, it may influence them to be too over the top later! We absolutely cannot have that, you understand!

Of course there was a catch.

It was Kale’s scream that saved them.

It was piercing, full of terror, and enough to chill a person to the bone. Marco watched in shock as Kale scrambled to his feet, tears running down his face from his wild eyes, and charged out of the mansion, barreling into one of the two massive doors with all of his weight and knocking it open, just enough for him to escape through. “Kale!” Marco shouted, reaching towards where he’d just watched the young man run with his free hand.

SB: You’re wasting time, let dead meat be and keep going!

Yeah, likely.

His other was reaching for his sword, though he stopped as he realized something. “…we can’t win this fight…” he muttered to himself. It hurt his pride to admit it, but this… this was a battle that they couldn’t win, no matter how hard they would try.

Well, at least they’re recognizing something Kale didn’t when he blindly charged right in.

C: I suppose it is, but at the same time I feel it may be but a prelude for dumber things.

Anyway, Marco takes charge and tells everyone else to get out. He then says he’ll stay behind to serve as a distraction, and that they have to get to Ylisstol so they can be safe. But of course, Myra is still all torn.

SB: This stupid bitch’s flow at it again?

No, Marco is just her brother and all that.

SB: Ah… aight…

C: You do not strike me as the type who would simply let that go.

SB: You’re saying she can’t be give a fuck about family?

C: No, I just did not expect you to be understanding.

SB: Well, family is awesome, so you can your trap, newt.

“Myra, go! I’m begging you, run from this place! If I can survive this fight, I promise to find you, so go!” he shouted, using a tone of voice that he knew she would obey: it was the same tone their father would use whenever she had done something wrong. It pained him to use it, and it pained him more to see the look on her face, but he had to: he wouldn’t risk his sister’s life.

And Marco is officially the best character in this fic. Why wasn’t this fic about him and not the king of the basics?

“O-okay…”Myra said, tears beginning to form in her eyes. “B-but if you die, I’ll never forgive you!” she yelled, before turning away and running towards where the cellar was. Before she went through the door that would lead to the kitchen, she stole one last look at her brother, who was slowly circling around the mage, who stood in the center of the room. “Please, be safe…” she whispered before running through the door, letting it slam shut behind her.

C: Um, I hate to spoil this party, but I am fairly certain this mage would have been paying attention to these proceedings and attempted to stop their escape, would they not?

As the sound of the door slamming shut rang through the main hall, it was almost as if the mage had finally become aware of his surroundings.

SB: Or he wanted take a quick pot break. That works too.

C: He was so over the top in his heart crushing it caused him to lose his awareness of his surroundings! Such poor form! You never get so wrapped up in an activity such that you lose situational awareness! This man should have his Awesome McEvil credentials revoked!

Hey, it’s not like villainous grandstanding isn’t part of the Awesome McEvil playlist.

C: That is different! At least if he were grandstanding it would have been an action! But this mage did nothing! Fie and shame upon his name!

SB: That sounded nerdish but convincing.

C: Finally, the puppy brings up a—

SB: Watch it, newt.

Looking at Marco, he began to take a fighting stance, crouching low to the ground while holding his arms out to the sides. Marco tightened the grip on his blade and shifted his stance, preparing for whatever attack the mage would throw at him.

From the Mark of Grima that the mage had painted on the wall, a single drop of blood fell, hitting the floor.

The battle began.

Oh whoop de doo, more fight descriptions. What awkward descriptions will we get this ti—

Oh fuck! Sterling, get down!

SB: What the—?

*tackles Sterling to the ground*

With a feral cry, the mage leapt towards Marco, slashing furiously with his claws. Marco parried each of the strikes, feeling the strength of the mage as each of the blows resonated through his body. With his own cry, he lunged forward as the mage’s claws came down at him, throwing his opponent off balance. Raising his sword above his head, he brought it down to cleave the monster in half, only for the masked man to catch it with both sets of his claws, the edge of Marco’s sword only inches from his face. With a growl, the mage fell to his knees and slipped to the ground, turning Marco’s size and weight against him as he stumbled forward into the man’s shoulder. He was shoved back and barely had enough time to block the flurry of slashes that the man threw at him, his eyes only barely able to keep up with how quickly the man moved. There was a savage grace with which the man attacked, something that Marco was able to respect and fear at the same time. He’s much faster and stronger than he looks… at this rate, I might not be able to- “Oof!” he cried as the mage suddenly planted his foot directly into his stomach, knocking him to the ground and his sword from his hands. Before he could even attempt to stand, the man had his claws at his throat, the tip of one of the blades hanging inches from Marco’s throat. There was a tense silence in the air as the man stood crouched over Marco, who was awaiting his death at the man’s hands. “Well? Are you man enough to actually go through with it or do you expect me to beg for my life?” he asked. The words seemed to affect the mage, as he let out an enraged shriek before bringing back one of his claws and stabbing towards Marco’s heart. He closed his eyes as he prepared for the blow to land, one thought on his mind.




C: *sigh* I do keep telling Ghostie to keep Gumdrop out of there. I swear, he will keep getting hit by stray walls of text if he keeps doing that.

SB: Who the FUCK?

Gumdrop. He’s a T-rex, and… Goddammit, give me a sec.

*One Hour Later*

Well, good news is that Gumdrop is okay. It hit him on the base of his tail as opposed to his eye this time, so it didn’t hurt as much.

C: That roar was rather loud, though, was it not?

That’s indeed true, Crunchy.

SB: Can we just look at what the hell landed on us?

Do you really want us to dissect this wall of text?

SB: You gonna do that shit anyways, nerd.

Well, apart from the fact that it’s a wall of text, there’s really not that much inherently wrong with it. At least, not compared to previous action scenes. For some reason, he does describe the pointed ends of the armored hand as “claws”, but that’s a nitpick so it’s whatever.

He also goads the guy into attacking him, and of course that involves “hand about to stab through to Marco’s heart”. And right as he thinks:

Myra… forgive me…

We get a line break to the next scene:

As another group of Risen began to close in on the group, Myra let out a growl as she whirled around on them. “Get away!” she shouted, tears still running down her face as she extended her hand and shot a ball of flame into the group, reducing them to ashes.

“There’s just too many of them!” Albert cried as he stabbed his lance through the head of a myrmidon, yanking it out just in time to block a strike from a fighter’s axe. “At this rate, we’ll never make it out of here!”

Aw, isn’t it a great hopeless situation? It’s almost like the narrative isn’t trying to set us up for—

As he finished saying it, something struck him in the back of the head. Turning around, he saw Genevieve holding a stone in free hand, her other hand holding her sword that was currently being used to keep a Risen knight at bay.

C: What?

What was that for?

“What was that for?!” he asked, rubbing the spot on the back of his head.

SB: Yeah, I’m with the weakling on this. What gives?

“The moment we start accepting defeat…” Genevieve said through gritted teeth as she fought against the strength of the knight. With a shout, she shoved forward, knocking it to the ground. Before it could stand, she was on top of it, plunging her blade through its visor and into its head. “…is the moment we perish. I will not allow any such talk. Am I clear?” she asked as she turned to face another opponent. Her normal cheery tone suddenly had a harsher edge to it, one that made Albert uncomfortable.

SB: Yeah, yeah, we keep fighting. Frankly, I’d have a better time swallowing it if it didn’t come with a side of your allies fucking it up.

Yeah, really. I get that it’s best to be an optimist sometimes, but really? Stones can really hurt, lady! That, and what’s to say that he wouldn’t spear you through with his lance because he thought you were an enemy?

C: And I especially wonder how she threw the stone. Thieves in these games are not particularly strong, so to push back against the attack of a knight would require a considerable amount of strength. Where did she find the strength and concentration to both hold the knight’s attack at bay, and throw the stone at Albert?

SB: Probably she’s into that Force shit you use.

C: The Force is a dignified… force. Quite unlike the…forceful stench that emanates from your armpi—

SB: Finish that sentence and I will gut you.

C: I can choke you without using my hands. I would like to see you try, puppy.

SB: Fucking- the next time you say that, I’m kicking you in the face!

Now now, children, break it up. Let’s just keep going, yes?

Anyway, after this, Albert is like “yes, I get you,” and we get more fight where Albert is all “Garrett keep moving”. And then, after some more action, they get surrounded, and suddenly they get surrounded.

C: I suppose it would be too much to ask this fic not to employ a Deus Ex Machina that will save our heroes, no?



Stop it with the onomatopoeia! Jesus!

The sky suddenly darkened as a peal of thunder rang out over the sound of fighting as a bolt of lightning suddenly struck down from the skies, hitting the knight and turning it to ash.

Whoah. That is one hell of a run-on sentence there, MaesterDimentio. You think you can trim it down a bit?

Myra could barely believe her eyes as she watched more bolts hit the ground and, more importantly, the Risen, destroying them in droves. A sudden flash of light from near the mansion caught her eye and, for a split second, she swore she saw a man cloaked in black holding a glowing blue sword. Suddenly, someone was shaking her shoulder roughly, and as she turned around, she saw Genevieve frantically pulling at her. Risking one last look back at the mansion, she soon stood up, grabbed her tome, and ran after the others, into the forest to safety as more lightning bolts struck the ground, decimating the Risen army.

C: I knew it was too good to be true.

SB: …The hell did that come from?

I guess I could say a whole lot of things, but let’s be real here: that was the plot talking. Seriously, I’m pretty sure that there is no form of thunder magic that powerful in the games.

C: Not to mention the timing was convenient. Pity, they would have made excellent decorative corpses for my lair.

You’re still building that?

C: Of course! What self-respecting Awesome McEvil would not?

Anyway, we get a line break back to Marco at about the same time, when the door explodes into fragments. Marco punches the guy away before standing away.

The massive knight that they had seen earlier was lying on its back, slowly standing up, as the man with the raven mask slowly walked through the ruined entryway, his form lit up by his sword, which glowed a pale blue.

“Ah, I was hoping to see you again. It’s been a long time.” The man said, looking at the mage. Holding his blade out in front of him, he took a fighting stance as the mage growled in anger. “Now, shall I send you back to whatever Hell you came from?”

Wait, this is the raven-masked man from earlier who held off people so they could get inside, right?

The mage let out another raspy laugh as he prepared himself for battle, completely ignoring Marco and taking his own stance. “I dare you to try.” he, surprisingly, replied, his voice as dry as the desert itself. Even with masks covering their faces, one could easily tell there was nothing but pure malice between the two men, shown clearly as they charged each other.

SB: Well, it was nice knowing you, dipshit. Have fun dying.

I dunno, Sterling, I have the feeling we’re about to see something really dumb coming up…

It was the swordsman who made the first move, striking low and aiming for his opponent’s legs. Said opponent responded by jumping over the raven-masked warrior, turning around as he touched down onto the ground and slashing at him with his claws, to which the swordsman responded by rolling to the side and charging again, this time aiming to skewer the mage. As the man crossed his claws in an attempt to block, he was knocked back as the swordsman suddenly came to a stop, a surge of energy traveling along the length of his blade firing out in a streak of blue light which struck and sent the target flying back into one of the walls of the hallway. Growling again, the mage struck the ground with one of his fists before standing up, a tome suddenly in his left hand. Extending his right hand, a series of black spikes shot out of the ground, nearly skewering both the swordsman and Marco, who had to dive out of the path of the spell. The swordsman, on the other hand, struck out with his sword, cleaving down as the spikes reached him. When his blade and the spikes met, a surge of power suddenly threw him backwards, though the spikes all shattered from the move.

Um, right… I know that Fire Emblem doesn’t have the most realistic of battle animations, but that having been said, what the hell is this? When did this become an anime?

SB: You mean it wasn’t already an anime? Or… whatever you guys watch?

No, actually. I mean, granted, you actually could fit the attacks themselves into the Fire Emblem games (since they have magical swords and dark magic in most games (and Awakening in particular)), but this fight choreography, man… It’s too anime-like for my taste.

C: And where was this man earlier? If he knew he could take on this mage character ably well, why did he not join Kale and the others to enter this place? It would have saved lives.

SB: I thought you weren’t interested in what those guys do…

C: It does not mean I cannot call out stupidity when I see it elsewhere.

SB: …Point?

C: Of course I have a point, puppy. It is simply—

SB: *cracks knuckles*

*watches as Crunchy flies out of the room*

Okay, who turned on the Smash physics? That just shouldn’t be a thing!

SB: Least he won’t be calling me puppy anymore, the damn specist son of a bitch. *spits on ground*

He was our liaison with the ninjas!

SB: So?

That means you won’t be going home soon.

SB: Whatever, couldn’t stand that motherfucker a second longer… I’m sure that doesn’t affect this Bifocals person’s ability to build the shit back?

Hm… You do bring up a compelling point there, Sterling. Well, I guess since we’ve got nothing better to do, let’s keep going, yeah?

SB: Do I have a choice?

Slowly rising to his feet, the swordsman let out a chuckle as he and his opponent began to circle each other. “Still no slouch, are you?” he asked, holding his blade down and to the side, almost nonchalantly.

“I can see time hasn’t slowed you either. Tell me, what do you hope to accomplish here? I can assure, my lord’s will shall be done.” The mage let out a laugh as he mentioned his lord. “But of course, you would already know this, wouldn’t you?”

The swordsman went silent for a moment before speaking up. “I wish it hadn’t had to be this way. Things could have turned out so much differently, but this… he would never have wanted you to have turned out this way…”

Welp, I know where this is going. They both had the same master, one of them turned to the dark side, yadda yadda yadda, the one that didn’t feels it’s his responsibility to either put the other guy down or show him back to the light side, it ends bittersweetly with either guy dying.

SB: Damn, you had that picked out immediately?

Hey, when you’ve been making fun of bad fanfiction as much as I have, you start getting good at picking picking up clichés the moment they appear.

SB: Herrejävlar

Anyway, mystery man then turns to Marco and tells him to get the fuck out, before being all “you know you can’t beat him, right?” Mage boy’s response:

The mage let out another laugh at the swordsman’s words, as if he enjoyed knowing how futile anyone’s efforts to slay him would be. “He does not jest, this one. If I wished it, you would be lying dead on the ground now. Thank your Naga that he intervened on your behalf. However, I’m afraid that he has forgotten that I am not the only devotee of my lord here.” Jumping away from the swordsman, he snapped his fingers as he landed. Immediately, Marco was covered by an immense shadow. Without turning around, he dodged to the side, the knight’s blade cutting through the ground where he had stood only moments ago. “Just missed…” he muttered, clearly disappointed by what had occurred. If the knight was disappointed, it didn’t show, as it merely strode over to the mage’s side and took a stance beside its master.

Well, talk about inconsistent pacing. We suddenly get this new element introduced in the story, and it’s not given any special attention. It’s like “oh, hello, you’re here now, run with it”. I mean, it’s the fucking knight that Zelda summons in Smash 4, and they just treat it like it’s always been there? Weaksauce.

SB: Wait, you go after pacing, too?

Oh yes. We do that all the time.

The raven-masked guy reiterates “run, bitch” to Marco. Marco still hesitates though, even as the raven-masked man surges energy in his sword.

“Well? I can already tell you this won’t end well, so why aren’t you moving?!” he shouted over the sudden echoing roar that had arrived.

Marco hesitated for only a moment, before realizing that this was the best course of action.

SB: Well no fucking shit. Even I know when it’s not worth a fight. How did it take you this long to figure that out?

A while. Because stupid.

SB: For fuck’s sake, is everyone this brain-dead in this story? I don’t think I’ve seen a single character that has acted normal at any point…

Marco tells the raven-masked man “STAY ALIVE SO I CAN REPAY YOU”, before finally running off. We get a little more description of stuff, and then the two guys have at it again. And right as that starts, Marco runs off, getting knocked out by the force of two crazy powerful spells colliding.

We then cut to Myra after they’ve run. I’d complain that the fic just rewound time again, but let’s face it, at least this perspective change is justified due to Myra’s lack of proximity to Marco at this point. She’s all “you saw what happened, right?” to the rest of her group. We then get a brief recap of everyone else, before Garret speaks up.

Sighing in frustration, Garrett didn’t bother to look up as he addressed Myra. “Well, what do you want us to say? I mean, I’ve seen a lot in my time, but a ‘glowing, blue sword’ and a ‘mysterious swordsman?’ Myra, I think you might’ve just been seeing things.

SB: And you’re saying that in a world with magical swords after having just seen the most overpowered magic ever. There it is, birdie: A basic.

I’d call it more of an idiot moment, but…

Hey, you just made a comment about the logic of the universe! You’re learning!

SB: That… doesn’t make this any less lame.

Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.

Garrett then brings up Kale’s disappearance, before he then—

Swearing in frustration, he threw the two stones down on the ground and kicked at the pile of sticks Albert had managed to gather, causing the young man to wince slightly as he saw his hard work scattered across the ground. “You know what? Instead of asking us about people that don’t exist, why don’t you make yourself useful and use that magic of yours to start a fire, dammit?! We don’t have time to be talking about some ‘magical swordsman’ who conjured lightning from the sky! So get your ass in gear and-“

Stop being stressed?

SB: Let’s call it that…

I dunno, he did just get out of a life-or-death situation that was more stressful than he’s used to. I think I’ll let him off the hook on this one.

He flinched when he saw the look on Myra’s face and, looking away, silently swore at himself before turning back to look at her. “Look, I’m sorry but… We still don’t know if we’re in the clear yet. Yeah, Marco will give that bastard back there hell and those lightning strikes might have stopped the Risen, but we don’t know that for sure. Right now, we need to make sure we stay safe, so that when you’re big brother does come back

Which how the hell will she do that, given that gender reassignment surgery isn’t a thing in Fire Emblem?

, he won’t kick my ass for letting you and the others get hurt.” He smirked


*runs to the intercoms*

Ninjas, get Eliza on standby! He smirked! He smirked!

SB: What’s so bad about smirking? I do it all the time. *smirks his crooked-fang grin* See?

No, Sterling, don’t—GET DOWN!

*tackles Sterling*

SB: !!!

*a gong flies overhead, barely missing Sterling’s head*

SB: Get the fuck off me! The hell?!

Taco’s gong launcher. Come on, you don’t smirk here!

SB: Is just a fucking smirk, the hell got into him?

You haven’t seen how often people abuse the smirk around here. Some have elevated it to an art form, and we really don’t have time to talk about why.

SB: Seems even the craziest places have basics.


Garrett reiterates that Myra should start a fire, but then Myra points out “my fire tome is running out of uses”. She then gives us this loooooooooong exposition dump about how that works that we really don’t need.

SB: At least she wasn’t PMSing about it.

That she was not. Anyway, they then get a reaction from Albert who is all “how do you know so much about magic?” Myra, in a refreshing change of pace for her, is all “it’s a fair question, I learned it from my mother.” Which of course leads to…

Closing her eyes, she smiled as memories began to flood through her mind. “She was always there for me when I woke up, ready to help me learn. Even when I’d screw up, she never got mad. ‘The only mistakes made are the ones that you don’t learn from.’ That’s what she always told me, even after I managed to burn down the garden one or two times… I owe all my ability to her…” With a laugh, she tossed a bit of her wet hair over her shoulder. “Plus, I can thank her for giving me her looks. Looking at me, I’m sure you can understand why Father was smitten with her.”

SB: No I can’t, because I don’t know or care about them…

Yeah, really. That random bout of Myra waxing poetic was just… why? Why did that have to be there?

Albert chuckled slightly as he sat down on a rock. “Yeah, you’re right about that…” It wasn’t until after he’d spoken that he’d realized what he said. Falling off of his seat, he quickly stood up, his red face only barely obscured by the black sky. “I-I mean… that is to say… I’mgoingtograbmorefirewood!” he said quickly, turning to run off into the forest. He made it a few feet into the trees before his leg hit something, causing him to fall and let out a cry of surprise. “Vy if it albays mah feish?!” he said.


Dear Lord, I’ve seen mood whiplash that is nowhere near as bad as this. What gives, MaesterDi—

Slowly, he rose to his feet and turned around, his eyes immediately catching on what had tripped him. “HOLY- L-l-look!”

Sharing a look, Garrett and Myra walked over to where Albert was pointing, each of them showing a look of shock at what they saw: it was a broken sword, wedged deeply into the ground. The same question is running through their minds, though it’s Garrett that voices it. “I-is that-“

The personification of your idiocy?

SB: A fruitcake?

Not what I was going for, but—



Fuck’s sake, stop with the onomatopoeia! Come on! It’s not descriptive, it’s annoying!

They then realize the explosion came from the mansion, and Myra runs off being all “Marco”. Garrett tells the Great and Powerful Tri—I mean, the Great Genevieve to watch over Krysta while Garrett and Albert run after Myra. Of course…

Looking towards the forest, Genevieve could only think of one thing to say. “My name isn’t ‘Genny,’ you oaf!”

SB: Yeah, and I’m pretty sure he, like me, doesn’t give a shit, babe.

But it’s the great showboater! She can’t stop!

SB: No, it’s more like that she won’t stop.

… ‘Can’t you see it’s she who owns the night, can’t you see it’s—

SB: Do you want to join the newt up there wherever the fuck I sent him?

Shutting up now.

Anyway, we then cut back to Marco, who is picked up by the raven-masked man. Marco is just like “what the hell was that”, before it’s apparent that whatever happened had some effect on him in the negative.

SB: Ja?

Marco got injured somehow. In a generic way.

SB: Then just say that.

You’d make a good Librarian, you know that? And I mean that as a compliment.

SB: I know, I rock this shit like I rock the court.

The raven-masked man says “I thought you’d be stronger, whatever, my name doesn’t matter, I’m on your side against the mage who just escaped, and then he points at the remains of the estate. Which are smoking, because earth-shattering kaboom. He then is all “shouldn’t have made that powerful an attack, before Marco asks who the mage is, and—

“You two… you acted like you knew each other.”

“Once, long ago, we did…” the man said after a period of silence. There was an unmistakable sadness to his voice. “I knew him growing up. He… he wasn’t always like this, at least, I don’t think he was. But something… something changed him, turned him into what he is now: a psychotic devotee to Grima.”

“Then… that symbol really was-”

“The Mark of Grima, yes. Make no mistake, he is Grimleal. Potentially one of the most dangerous you will ever encounter.”

SB: Fuck, you called it.

Told ya.

Raven masked man then runs off after him after telling Marco not to engage mage guy if they ever meet again. He then refers to Marco by his house name in Plegia, which reads…

Farewell, Marcellus du Plegios.”

…less like he’s from Plegia and more like he’s from the Tevinter Imperium… not sure how that works, but okay…

Despite the pain, Marco shot up at hearing that name being spoken. “H-how…?” was all he could ask. His breath seemed to have been ripped from his body and his tongue simply refused to work properly.

The man chuckled, but didn’t turn around. “I know quite a bit about you, Marcellus, and your sister Myranda. More than you might care for me to know. However, I mean you nor her harm, so have no fear.”


Myranda? Really? That’s Myra’s full name?

SB: That’s a dumb way to spell it!

Right? I mean, I know Fire Emblem is usually given to eccentric names and shit, but if the person has had a relatively normal-ish name, they’re usually good about not complicating it with stupid spellings! Come on!

He began to walk away, only to stop as a sudden thought struck. “Also, if you see your young friend again, tell him this: there is no shame to be had in being afraid. The only shame he should feel is in letting his fear rule his life.” With that, he took a running start and jumped out of the crater, leaving Marco to question everything that had just transpired.

SB: I guess that’s good advice, but watch him ignoring it anyway.

Maybe he’ll hide behind the hastily contrived anxiety excuse or some shit like that.

He knows my name… My full name… That shouldn’t be possible; all records of it should have been destroyed when our house fell! “He claims to be on our side, but I still feel as though I should be wary about him…” he muttered. Looking up, he smiled slightly as he saw that the storm had slackened considerably: despite a slight mist of rain, the worst of it had broken, and the sun could even be seen from behind the dark clouds. “Though who to worry about more: him or that mage… Their attacks must have destroyed that mansion. I’ve never known anyone to wield such power.” Maybe I should take his advi-

“GODS ALIVE!” a sudden shout shattered his thoughts. “Th-th-th-the mansion! What happened?! Aw, the moment I go back to Ylisstol I am DEAD!” The shouting was soon followed by the sound of someone being hit, which was followed by a loud “OW!”

“Hush it up, Albert. We’re not here to gawk at… alright, I’ll admit, that’s pretty impressive destruction… but that’s not the point. We’re here to find-“

A consistent tone? Because holy fuck, that mood whiplash.

Anyway, Myra then shouts out Marco’s name, and they have the tearful reunion, blah blah blah. And of course…

“Oi, big guy.” Garrett called down from the rim of the crater. “I hate to break up such a touching moment, but we’ve got trouble. We found this out in the forest, with some bad looking signs around it… ” He held something that was in his hand up in the air, letting the light catch the edge of it. Marco’s eyes shot open in surprise as he recognized what it was:

It was Kale’s sword.

Is it me, or are people in this fic just shit at observing their surroundings? First it was the Risen arrow in the firewood, then it’s everyone forgetting about Kale’s injury, now they somehow didn’t notice Kale’s sword in the clearing they set down in?

SB: They all need some motherfuckin’ glasses.

No kidding.

After that, we get a line break, and we cut back to—

Pain. So much pain.

Wait, hang on…

It’s the only thing that I can use to accurately describe how I feel.

SB: Well, I didn’t realize we spent almost the whole chapter without the king of the basics there until this happened.

Yeah, right? It’s almost refreshing that our annoying main character was away. Which, actually, that’s a good thing for other reasons too. Helps add some spice to the narrative, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, Kale slowly comes to, and as he does, he comes to the realization that:


SB: And then he turned more useful than he ever was in this piece of shit story.


I try opening my mouth, only to realize that my mouth is completely gagged shut. Great. Not that I’d be able to say anything: in my current state, I doubt I’d get out a coherent sentence, not that the fact that I’m IN A SACK is helping matters much. Ugh… anxiety + claustrophobia: it’s a real double whammy…

SB: And now he’s claustrophobic, too. Great, what else is there? Is he in-the-closet angsty or what?

Least there’s no spiders, but there’s no real way out either. Though, maybe Marco an- oh… right… I left them to die like an ass… I really deserve this, don’t I?

Nah. Well, at least not for those reasons, anyway.

I let out what is supposed to be a sigh, though it sounds very restrained. Granted it is. And granted, I should’ve known better than to make any noises, but…

SB: Basic?

Yeah, pretty much.

“Hey, he’s awake!” I hear someone shout.

“Well, knock him out again!” I hear- oh God, I can’t help it. How am I supposed to be intimidated by someone who sounds so nasal?

For the same reason we’re supposed to find you relatable even though you’re a whiny prat? I don’t know, dude…

My entire body starts shaking, half from laughter and half from anxiety, though it quickly goes to full anxiety as I realize someone’s standing over me.

“Nighty-night.” I hear them say.

Oh, this is gonna-



[Scene Redacted for Extreme Violence]

SB: What now?


SB: Hey, you’re the one shouting it again and again. You gonna be a hypocrite too?


SB: Ow! You little—!

Shut up, we’re almost done. That was the end of the chapter; let’s move on to the author’s note, shall we?

And so, another chapter down, and, hey, it was my first one to be written in mostly third-person. I felt like giving the other characters the spotlight a bit, plus it might help flesh them out some. Hopefully, it worked… If any of you saw any problems with how this chapter came out, please tell me.

*points up above*

Anyone wanna quote some of this stuff for his reference?

I plan on having a few chapters in third-person in the future and I want to make sure they turn out right. Consider this a test-run.

Well, I will say this: it didn’t run into any of the traps that most other fics that attempt to do that inevitably run into. No POV tags, it was always clear what was going on where, there were no repeated scenes… Really, I’ve seen far worse. Especially from previous Fire Emblem fanfiction.


SB: Do I want to know?

No. No you do not.

Anyway, I’d like to thank everyone, though not for reading this. I’d like to thank you all for not freaking out when I asked for reviews last chapter. Not going to lie, I thought that was going to blow up in my face big time. When it didn’t, I can’t even begin to explain how glad I felt. I think I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again: My happiness stems from you guys’ happiness.

Well, the fact that you didn’t hold your fic hostage for reviews might’ve helped a bit. The fact that you genuinely seem like a nice guy helps, too.

With all that said, I’d like to thank you all for reading this. Maybe you could leave a review below with your thoughts and/or criticisms. Regardless, I hope you all have a nice day.

Well, we’ll see. Anyway, that ends today’s installment, and—

*door opens*

C: *stands there with his cloak, his lightsaber drawn*

… Oh no.

SB: Sup, newt?

C: Silence, polecat! I tolerated your stench far beyond my usual capabilities as a Sith Lord, but then you kicked me all the way to space! Space!

SB: Wait, I did that? That’s metal, man! I should—!

C: But it will come at a steep price for you, polecat. For you see, you should learn that you never kick a Sith Lord in the face. Not only is it absolutely terrible for my complexion, it is also very liable to only make them angry. And you, my smelly friend, have angered me. This will be the last time you do so!

SB: Hah, you don’t scare me. You just sit there talking, talking, talking. Come on, what are you going to do? Come on, come at me, pussy. I’m not afraid of—!

C: *flings his lightsaber at Sterling, who barely dodges at the last second*

SB: What the FUCK?!

C: The time for mercy is over. You will die today! *Force Chokes Sterling*

SB: *chokes, reaching his arm out to the air as he falls over*

Oh shit! Crunchy, stop, we—

C: Oh, be quiet, parrot. *turns to Sterling* Die! *closes his fists*

SB: *eyes widen instantly, and then he falls limp on the floor*

… Oh my God…

C: There. That shall teach him.

But Crunchy, you just killed him! You just… Really?

C: The respawn points are fully functional, and I made sure to calibrate them to respawn him.

That’s… not going to do anything, Crunchy. If anything, it’s just going to—


… Make it worse…


105 Comments on “1270: Fire Emblem: ReAwaken – Chapter Eight”

  1. SC says:

    Sterling Bengtzing: Well how the fuck was I supposed to know that asking how they worked would fuck it up, you weirdasses!?

    In fairness, it’s not like Bifocals did anything to try and warn you, so I say it’s primarily her fault.

    Of course, I wouldn’t go telling her that. She has an army of military-grade battle droids, after all, and I’m 100% sure that she’s pissed right now.

  2. SC says:

    None of them could believe what they were seeing, that they were standing in the midst of this bloodbath, with a mysterious mage plunging his hand through the chest of a powerful knight, who had managed to save one of their friends only moments ago by taking the fatal blow.

    Wow, Booky fucked Specs’ day HARD.

  3. SC says:

    I am so glad that I shared that Ganondorf head-kicking gif at the Secret Clubhouse. XD

  4. SC says:


    Stop it with the onomatopoeia! Jesus!

    He says.

  5. SC says:

    Mmph, that is such a classic overachiever. Does he not know that one does not crush hearts after he has already ripped it open? Children may be watching!


    I, uh, never took you for the culinary type.


    You don’t hear yourself talk much, do you.

  6. TacoMagic says:

    Marco shouted, reaching towards where he’d just watched the young man run with his free hand.

    *Tilts head*

    Did Kale just steal Marco’s hand and run for it?

  7. Swenia says:

    it was the same tone their father would use whenever she had done something wrong.

    Ahh yes, the mother voice. Amazingly I’ve found it even more effective than the queen voice. You can stop somebody cold at twenty yards if you use it right.

  8. TacoMagic says:

    And then, after some more action, they get surrounded, and suddenly they get surrounded.


    One second, gentlemen, I’ve got my own today. Coffee flavored. Just gotta find my rag.

    “Take your time.”

    AHA! Found it!

    *Taco chloroforms himself and the sneaky DRD stealth agents drag him out of the room.*

  9. TacoMagic says:

    Okay, who turned on the Smash physics? That just shouldn’t be a thing!

    Think I saw Jiwe messing about in the lever room. He sure loves levers and buttons.

    Figured better there than playing in Bifocals’ lab like he usually does.

  10. Swenia says:

    You boys better not hurt my chair with all your roughhousin’. I’d hate to have to come in there and use the mother voice.

  11. MaesterDimentio says:

    This may sound weird, and it certainly feels weird, but I actually do not remember writing this chapter. It is definitely my writing, but I just do not remember writing this. Any other chapter I remembered writing, but not this one.

    Ah well. Another great riff.

  12. Harlow says:

    Sterling: -looks at his own foot. Looks at sky, a *bling* as the newt flies by to whereverthefuck-

    “… I think I can afford to skip leg day tomorrow…”

  13. MaesterDimentio says:

    Trust me, I will never hold a story hostage just to get reviews. If it takes me a while to update, it’s usually due to school or just life in general. No way I would ever stoop so low just to satisfy my ego… Well, aside from what this story wound up being, but I would not exactly say this was my crowning moment as a writer.

    • SC says:

      We all have our old shames, bud. Frankly, you should all be glad that none of the crap I ever wrote when I was thirteen ever saw its day on the internet.

      But hey, at least we agree that fic hostage for reviews is the stupidest thing ever.

    • Herr Wozzeck says:

      Fair, but yeah. Even if it was what it was being, I would debate you didn’t hold this story hostage for reviews. I have seen author’s notes where they literally say “I won’t post another chapter until you give me five more reviews”. That, is critical hostage-taking, and it’s one of my red flags for bad fanfiction.

  14. Koori says:

    Well, good news is that Gumdrop is okay. It hit him on the base of his tail as opposed to his eye this time, so it didn’t hurt as much.

    Don’t worry! Obasan will fix you right up! And if you’re good for this, you can have a lollipop afterwards. *proceeds to wrap Gumdrop’s tail in pink, sparkly bandages.*

  15. Harlow says:

    Sterling: “This Crunchy guy is such a drama queen…”

    *sniffs himself* “Exaggerate newt…”

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