1268: Real RWBY- Chapters 5-8

Title: Real RWBY
Author: Cynicalnerd
Media: Anime
Topic: RWBY
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL:  Chapter 5, 6, 7 & 8
Critiqued by Erttheking

Ert: Just a quick heads up. This one is going to be a little shorter than the last installment, mainly because there are only eight chapters left in this story and they’re all underwhelmingly short. The problem is that the remaining length was balancing on the border of “Two rather short installments” and “one extremely long one,” and we decided to go with two short ones because I don’t think people can take too much of this stupidity in one go.

Goeth: I’m not part of the main reviewing crew today, but I’m running tests on a blood sample I got from this guy. So far the results say, “pink.”

Ert: That code for something?

Goeth: Nope. My instruments just keep saying pink over and over again. Further research is needed

Nora: One of THOSE days huh?

Chapter 5: School

Ert: Yeah don’t remind me. Apparently my grandmother still had nightmares about being late for school when she was in her 80s.

As we got back from shopping, the others had been getting ready for the school day, which mostly consisted of professor Port’s and Oobleck’s classes which was Grimm Studies and History classes, respectively.

Cornelia: Wait a minute! He was going shopping for school supplies just a couple of hours before class starts? Cutting it a little close there Lewy! Not that it matters, you’re so far behind in the course by sheer virtue of joining up late in the semester that I doubt you’ll learn anything.

As we got into the dorm, Blake immediately got her things and got changed in the bathroom, not saying a word to anyone, I also gathered my things rather quickly and got changed.

Ert: In front of everyone I guess. I know Beacon has co-ed dorms and I myself have never been in one, but you’d think there’d be a little more class to this than that.

“So? How was shopping?” Yang teased with a wink, “Fine, thanks for asking, nothing happened Yang”

Nora: Well something did happened. We’re gonna have to run it through Goeth’s instruments to figure out what it is though.

Goeth: Already did. The results came back as “Quack.”

Nora: Good enough for me.

“Surrreee…” She said with a hint of jealousy as she turned back to her belongings. “We’re in Grimm studies then history today”

‘Great, learn about things I already know…Fantastic’ I though. “Cool, when?”

Ert: No, you do not know about these things. You learned a couple of things from the mere MINUTES that you saw from ONE class session. Classes, at least from my college, meet three times a week for fifty minutes each or twice a week for 75 minutes each, with a few creative exceptions. With readings that need to be done outside of the class. I seriously doubt that snippets that you saw on episodes of RWBY covered even a tenth of the subject matter these classes covered.

“Umm…now” Yang said rushing out the door with Ruby and Weiss. Blake had already snuck out.

‘Thanks for abandoning me guys’ I thought to myself,

Nora: Walking out before me = abandoning me. Goodie, another whiny twit. Of all the problems this fic has, I was hoping that wouldn’t be one. Wishful thinking.

‘Right how to get to Class…I know! Parkour’ with that thought, I dive out of the window, roll on the landing and run to the main building.

Nora: Can I punch something?

(Gary Stu Counter: 20)

Ert: I know this is probably a reference to the fact that Ray Narvaez Jr., a former Roosterteeth employee, commonly had a joke where he said “Parkour” while doing something very unimpressive. It was right up there with asking “Does this game have fall damage?” when he was at the halfway point between the roof and the ground. And the answer was commonly yes. The problem is, Ray was taking the piss out of himself, something this “joke” seems to completely miss.

Cornelia: This is assuming that Lewy knowing parkour is even connected to that. It could just be him trying to be awesome. I mean, why can’t he used his previously established teleporting to get to class? Face it, he just wants to show off. Nothing about Parkour makes getting to class easier.

‘Where is Grimm studies? First floor…Fantastic’

Ert: You know this how?

I run up a wall, jump and climb on a rail on the next floor. Professor Port’s class was straight down the hall and I heard his Voice boom out his Register “Lewis?”

Cornelia: Wait, the class was on the first floor and he climbed UP!? Goeth is reality inverting on itself again?

Goeth: Just a little.

“HERE!” I scream while run straight down the hall, right through the door and I vaulted the top desk and landed right next to Blake, Right at the bottom Desk ‘Score!’

“Ahhh, Lewis, Nice of you to join us and what an entrance! Reminds me of what I did in my youth fighting Grimm”

Ert: I did the exact opposite of what you did because I’m not an idiot!

“Thank you sir” He continue uses with the register then he begins Class.

It was rather normal, for a class begin about monsters of the dark, Learn where to attack certain Grimm and learn about Port’s past. Ruby was close to falling asleep and Blake and Yang where disinterested in what Port had to say, meanwhile Weiss was furiously scribbling notes on whatever he said. “Can I have a volunteer to show us how to take down a Boarbatusk?”

“I’ll do it” I say raising my hand and standing up

Ert: You disgusting piece of shit. This is a canon event, Professor Port asking for a volunteer to kill a Grim called a Boarbatusk. Except WEISS took care of it. So Gary Stu Trait #42. Stealing thunder from main characters.

(Gary Stu Counter: 21)

Ert: In fact, lets come up with tropes for Self Insert bingo. Let’s see. Gets to world by playing video games, going to that world grants special powers, everyone loves him, said person can kick ass right away, person gets favorite character to fall in love with him, and character steals thunder from people who actually deserve it. Feel free to add anymore you can think of.

“Ahh, Splendid, come down here and prepare yourself”

Nora: Here’s some cream for when the Boarbatusk shoves its tusks up your ass! Which is what would really happen if you tried to fight it! But noooooo, you have to be super special.

I was standing, Prepared with Rebellion in its sheath as I carried it with my left hand and put my fingers in front my face, prepping some fire in my fingers and in Rebellion. “I’m ready”

Cornelia: Uh, Dante’s sword can store fire in it now?

“Very well, Begin!” With this command, Port slashes the cage lock and the Boarbatusk come straight for me and I already was thinking on how to kill it. ‘stab on underside of his belly,

Ert: Something that was supposed to be advice Ruby gave to Weiss but this guy knows it

elements to stun,

Nora: Whatever the hell that means

dodge at all times’

Cornelia: Even when attacking?

with that I jump over it and spin round to see the Grimm spin round to face me and wait for something to happen. ‘Strike!’ I run full speed at the Boarbatusk ready to execute the plan I had in my head; evidently, The Boarbatusk had the same idea.

Ert: The idea to execute the plan that he had in his head? Why can everyone read minds all of a sudden?

We both were running straight at each other but I had the upper hand,

Nora: Because I can never be at a disadvantage. EVER! It’s the law.

I slide when I was close to the creature and I fired a fire pillar out of my hand right to the underside of the creature, It screeched as it went sailing into the air, I jumped after it and unloaded a barge of slashes with Rebellion, with fire embedded into the blade and dashing straight through it with every slash. After about 20 slashes in the space of 5 seconds I fall back down to earth landing on my feet and turning around to see the Boarbatusk dead, crispy and on fire…

Ert: Remember how I said Weiss fought this thing? Yeah, well, she STRUGGLED! But Lewy isn’t going to be doing that because that’s for pussies. Also fire can push people up into the air. Of course it can.

(Gary Stu Counter: 23)

Also to see some students stare at me with amazement and to see a slight spark in Blake’s eyes.

Nora: Killing gets me hot.

“Thank you” I say while bowing to the class then again to Port, “Magnificent, absolutely amazing, Wonderful combination of dust element and strikes, I can see why Ozpin took you in, my boy, everyone take in what Lewis did to take the Boarbatusk down,

Cornelia: Bullshit powers that none of them have?

class dismissed and Remain vigilant”

“Well…that was…something…thanks for walking me to class by the way”

Ert: I mean I never could’ve looked out the door and saw which way you went. That’d be way too much work.

“hehe…whoops…I thought you were running with us, but still nice entrance” Ruby said chuckling at her mistake, “well it’s lunch next” I say…and then I start running “race you all there!”

Nora: So he gets pissy about them not showing him how to get to class, and then runs off on his own to the cafeteria whose location he somehow knows. Author. Can you keep your character consistent for one paragraph? Oh and another slot for bingo. Character bitches about every little thing.

“Bring it on!” Ruby shouts after me and runs ahead of her team and hot on my tail, I vault over the railing and roll on the ground floor and come to corner, I continue to run full speed but I run across the wall to my left and jumped to the right to maintain my speed, but the team was still gaining on me

Ert: I think now is a good time to point out that speed is Ruby’s semblance. You know? Her THING! The one thing she’s better at than anyone else?

As we reach the Cafeteria, we all jump into it me just ahead of Ruby, then Blake, then Yang, then Weiss…eventually, she was doing a leisurely jog rather than full speed racing like me and Ruby were doing. “Score! I win!” I say fist punching the air. “I’ll get you next time Lewis” Ruby said with determination as we sat next to team JNPR.

(Gary Stu Counter: 24)

Cornelia: So what? Is score his catchphrase or something? Because I can think of around a dozen better ones.

Nora: Also stop punching the air, what did it ever do to you?

For the next half hour, we talked about anything and everything…dreams we have had, how studies are going and how we ha-

Nora: So nothing of interest happened during that time, hm? Also ellipses in the narration. NO!

“Hahaha, told you there were real”

“Arghh…Cardin is being a dick…again” I say through gritting teeth

Ert: You haven’t met him yet, shut the hell up.

“yeah, he has been bullying Jaune” Pyrrha says putting a reassuring hand on Jaune’s shoulder

“Please, when has he ever “Bullied” me?”

“Do I really need to answer that? What about the time where he activated your shield when you are walk past him in a doorway? What about the time where he has stuffed you into a rocket locker and rocketed you away?” I say, all the time looking at Cardin with murderous eyes.

Cornelia: Jaune’s reply should be “Uh…how do you know all of that? I never told you and you certainly weren’t around for it.” But that won’t fly because everyone just accepts the fact that the self insert is omni-present (Something else for bingo)

“Are you okay, Lewis?” Blake said looking rather worried on what I might do, “I will be in a minute, be right back” with that I walk away from our table and walk up to Cardin

Ert: Why is it every bad RWBY fan fiction feels the need to establish how badass their OC/insert is by having them beat up Cardin? Isn’t that kind of reaching for the low fruit? The only person Cardin was ever able to beat in a fight was Jaune. A guy who had to forge his papers to get into Beacon. And even then it was before Pyrrha kicked his ass into gear.

“Hey! Dick! Stop being an asshole” I say to him, readying a Bo staff on my back, just in case.

“Ohh sorry teacher’s pet”

Nora: Hur hur, he got praised by teacher once, therefore he teacher pet. We one dimensional bully characters, we say nothing that make sense

‘Okay…now he is a dead man’

Nora: I was going to show restraint when you were abusing others, but now you insult me? THE MAIN CHARACTER! NOW YOU MUST DIE!

I summon my Bo staff and smacked him in the head

“STOP”

He stumbled to the side then i jab him in the stomach

“BEING”

He hunches over, holding his head and stomach in pain then I hit him in the chin

“A”

He straightens up from the pain but is dazed

“DICK”

I jump 360 degrees and kick him full force in the stomach which sends Cardin the full length of the cafeteria and into the wall beside the entrance.

Ert:…Uh. Lewy? There’s this thing called “overreacting.” You just did it. Cardin pulling on Velvet’s ears was very much a dick move, but it’s hardly kicking someone across the room bad…HEY WAIT A MINUTE! The whole point of this scene was to establish what an asshole Cardin is by showing him and his team picking on a Fanus girl called Velvet. WHO ISN’T FUCKING SHOWN! I guess the author was so busy fantasizing about how he was going to kick Cardin’s ass that he forgot to give an actual reason for his self insert to actually do so. HELLO!? Remember how I said going after Cardin was the low hanging fruit? You fucked up going after the low hanging fruit. HOW DO YOU DO THAT!?

(Gary Stu Counter: 25)

Cornelia: Also, I think even by RWBY standards Cardin is going to be in dire need of medical attention after that. You know. If he’s still alive.

I turn to glare at the rest of team CRDL, my fire element going out of control send fire sparks out of my body and made flames dance in my eyes

Nora: NEED MORE AWESOME! NEED MORE AWESOME FOR MAIN CHARACTER! HE ME!

(Gary Stu Counter: 26)

“that goes for the rest of you; you do the same thing that your leader did, you will have the same punishment” I dismiss my bo staff and turn to my team mates “come on, let’s go” we walk out of the hall, going past an unconscious Cardin as we go to History class

Cornelia: I guess the faculty around here are asleep. Or dead. Or Crow.

Chapter 6 Shadows

History…what a dull subject, but the teacher helped it make it not dull…in fact he made history into a tennis match,

Ert: *Tilts head* Say wa? Are you trying to say he made it into a back and forth affair? Because you have a real odd way of saying that.

Professor Oobleck was, without a shadow of a doubt, a coffee maniac, zipping from each side of the class spurting out knowledge about the Faunus war. As the bell rung for the end of class he held Jaune behind for some reason or another, me and the rest of the team walked out pondering what to do next

Ert: The rest of the team AND I! I know people get annoyed when I correct them on that, but I get annoyed when I have to listen to and read their verbal and written diarrhea, so deal with it.

“Soo…what’s next?” I ask, still trying to control my eye balls since they have been zipping from side to side far too much

“Independent studies” Blake says at my side, reading her trademarked book

Nora: You mean the one that got brought up two or three times? That’s some good stereotyping right there.

“The what now?” I ask blinking as I rest on bench near the entrance to the school.

“it’s were you have free reign to do what you wish,

Cornelia: Look, we already let this guy have free reign, it ended with him becoming the most broken person in reality. He needs a bit more structure.

spar with other students, study or just do whatever you want” Blake said still walking, not realised that everyone else had taken a seat on the bench with me, once she realised she blushed out of her own stupidity.

Ert: Really? Stupidity? Fuck you author.

“Well I’m going to spar with some students!” Yang said, jumping up and fist punching the air and running to the sparring arena.

Ert: I thought fan fiction was supposed to come from a place of love. Just about all the fan fiction I read is a middle finger to the works because it always bastardizes the characters down to their most simple traits. Even if the author likes them!

“Wait sis! I’m going too! See you guys later!” Ruby yells as she tries to get to her sister.

“I’m off to the library with Blake, you can do what you wish” Weiss…being as cold as ever, told me while walking away with Blake to the library

‘Score…ditched twice in one day…well nothing a little music can’t solve, QUICKLY TO DORMS!’

Nora: Oh Christ, score really is his catchphrase. And stop whining when the people that have known you for not even a full day aren’t attached to you at the hip.

Once I got outside, the pleasant summer winds greeted me and the rest of the students. Beacon was wonderful on summer days…better than what it was like at home…

Ert: SUMMER!? Why is there school in SUMMER!? I mean…CHRIST! Have the authors of this story and The Final Hunt EVER been to school?

‘Now…what song to do? I wonder…’ I was engrossed in my thoughts that I didn’t see the tree that I walked into, it gave me a wonderful high five…to the face

“Ow!” I say aloud rubbing my forehead to ease the pain before my healing spells kicked in, ‘note to self, trees…painful’

Cornelia: The tree is officially my new favorite character. Also, see that author? That was a humanizing moment. Try to have more of them. And make them better, that one was pretty shallow.

by the time that I got back to the dorms, 5 minutes had gone by due to me sitting and admiring the view for a little while. I walk into the main dorm rooms and weave my way to my room, passing many students who were not doing anything at all just…chilling. I get to my room and unlock the door and go to turn on the lights…then I stopped myself

Ert: Knock it off when the ellipses

‘I sense someone’ I walk into the room just enough to close the door behind me, the room was pitch black and any normal person wouldn’t see anything…it’s a good thing I’m not normal,

Ert: Fucking understatement.

I blink to hopeful turn on any night vision I have in me, since I have a lot of other powers why can’t night vision be one of them and I was right, I do have night vision.

Ert: Go fuck yourself.

(Gary Stu Counter: 27)

I saw a man in a black suit and nothing else, he stood there with a knife out but he wasn’t moving. ‘I think he doesn’t know that I can see him’ I walk side ways to get to my bed to dump my stuff, I kept eye contact on him

Nora: He doesn’t think I can see him even though I’m looking directly at him.

Cornelia: Logic isn’t this author’s strong suit.

to see if he would do something…and he did. He gave a slight snigger and ran to the window and jumped out, the only thing I heard was a gruff voice saying “He’s alive”.

Ert: What was the point of that?

I turn the lights on and switch off my night vision. ‘Why was he saying that I was alive? He must be a Faunus, only they can see in the night, mind you I’m not a Faunus I and can see in the night…never mind…

Ert: I’d love to, but sadly its my job to list all of the stupid bullshit you pull.

let’s just stay with what you know is true…numb skull’ with that I close and lock the window and looked to where he was to see If I could find out anything else. ‘Nothing is out of place…hmmm…’ I let out a sigh and flop on my bed ‘ughh…let’s not tell anyone for a start…and I really need that music’

Nora: A guy snuck into my room with a knife. Time to play music.

I focus my energy and summon in my guitar, my amp and my keyboard,

Ert: So you can summon things from your HOME DIMENSION!? Question. WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE!? YOU CAN TELEPORT HOME! Christ, is this all a fucking game to you? Rhetorical question, OF COURSE IT IS!

(Gary Stu Counter: 28)

the items of choice appear and, like me, flop on my bed. I play some strings on the guitar and make sure it’s in tune before I jam and I plug-in the amp and the guitar near the pug at the top of my bed and with that I adjust volume settings on both the amp and the keyboard and then start to play the starting chords on the keyboard of “From shadows” then once done I jump to the guitar

Ert: Ok, NO! I hereby cut the author’s solo out!

‘Shredding through like a boss’ I thought while doing my solo, then once finished,

Nora: *Grinds teeth* You sound like a twat

I pounced to the keyboard to finish off the song. ‘I can see why this song represents Blake…what the? Blake? Here?’ I turn to see Blake sitting beside me with a slight tear in her eye.

Ert: Oh yeah, the song “From shadows” was actually Blake’s song and is about her character. So I’ll give this story some credit, Blake having an emotional reaction to this makes more sense than every other time a character fawns over an OC/inserts half assed singing. There are still things that would crop up though, considering that this should be setting off half a dozen alarms considering the nature of the song and how it’s basically about how Blake used to be a terrorist, but hey. Logical reasoning left the fic a long time ago.

“Aww, Blake what’s up?” I say wiping her tear away with my finger and pushing the keyboard to the floor.
“Nothing…it…just reminds me of worse times, what is the song called?”

Cornelia: In fact, it mirrors the rise of the White Fang almost perfectly. But for some reason she’s not going to connect the dots.

“From shadows…it’s a song back from where I come from”
“I see, it was beautiful” Blake said, edging her hand on mine, I blush when she does so, “you should play more often, you are really good at it”

Nora: Of course he is.

(Gary Stu Counter: 29)

“T-Thanks…not very many people have complemented me, even fewer people have heard me play music”
“Well…I am honoured to be one of the few” Blake says standing back up, walking to her bunk. “I want to know more about you, Lewis…you are…intriguing” she says picking up some books and her tablet, I felt a hardcore blush creep on to my face when she walked out the room…I think I may have fallen for the Faunus…

Ert: I hope that wasn’t supposed to be a surprise, it was pretty obvious. Also the inevitable LewyxBlake pairing has been focusing on Lewy a lot with barely any focus on Blake. That’s kind of the inevitable part of people writing self inserts that get with their favorite character while they can’t write for shit. They’re already in the middle of writing about how awesome they are, having a freaking wet dream over their imaginary god powers, really the love interest is just someone that they get as part of the fantasy.

Chapter 7 Reality

The days and weeks at Beacon slowly became a routine, I get up, go to class, come back, do some studying and feel like I’m being watched over

Nora: You know, when he learned that there were people skulking about Vale, Crow DID something. He did stupid things, running around with no direction and getting no sleep because he kept working at a job that required his full attention despite the fact he was shit at it

talk to the team…mostly Blake and then sleep.

Cornelia: So. They’re bonding. They’re just doing it off screen. Because showing an actual relationship developing wouldn’t be a good power fantasy for Lewy.

With every day I felt like someone was watching me…from the trees or right under my nose, I couldn’t tell…I also couldn’t figure out who would stalk me and why they would track me so…religiously,

Nora: I know some people have a bad stutter but that usually doesn’t extend to their mental thoughts. It doesn’t help that this is really inconsistent.

the only people who I could think of who would do this was the White Fang but i don’t think I have annoyed them to cause this to happen.

Cornelia: Well you haven’t annoyed anyone (Except the reader), so you’re going to have to expand your search criteria.

Eventually I started to have weird dreams about the mysterious man and then about the team but this night sleep took the award for most fucked up dream.

“Ugh…where am is?”

Ert: *Sigh*

was the only thing that I could say at this time, the world around me was spinning out of control and was out-of-place and I felt sick not matter where I looked. The world suddenly phased from white to the colours of the RWBY dorm…that’s when Yang appeared also. She looked angry, and that wasn’t just from her red eyes alone, she was saying loads of sentences that I couldn’t hear,

Nora: Oh come now, “Saying loads of sentences,” you could’ve made that even more awkward and stilted.

the only words I caught were “how could you?…keep identity secret…” just when she was about to punch me, she vanished and a crying Ruby huddled into an angry Weiss took Yang’s place. At this point any words at all were inaudible…but Weiss had her weapon primed at me.

Cornelia: *Sigh* So it seems that we’re dealing with prophetic dreams here. We’re not exactly fans of it, because so often they’re used as foreshadowing for the lazy.

“Is this a dream?” with that question, the world went black…then Blake appeared…sobbing…her words were as clear as day when it was her turn to speak. “To think that I loved you…” with that, I was plunged into a black abyss…

Ert: Not even PRETENDING that she’s going to want you are you? I mean seriously man.

“BLAKE!” I shouted as I shoot up from my bed, I was red and sweating like a pig,

Nora: Uh. Well that’s a new one. Also it’s a bad one. Apparently pigs only have a few sweat glands.

the others got up to see this too and Blake was the first to try to comfort me. “What’s wrong Lewis?”
“nothing…I…just had a bad dream…I’ll…get some fresh air” with that I walked past the others,

Cornelia: So his response to a dream where he losses the trust of all of Team RWBY is to refuse to tell them about it? This is what we call a self fulfilling prophecy.

who tried to stop me but I walked past them ignoring all words that they said and walked out of the dorm building, the night was as peaceful as heaven…no noise was made and the area was beautiful with the cracked moon hanging high in the sky

Ert: And he’s actually ignoring their attempts to comfort him. Is this the point where he gets all emo over an unnecessary problem that he basically created himself?

I made my way to the statue in front of the main building and stood and watched it, during this time I realised I had nothing on apart from pyjama bottoms so I had to tune my body to the cold of the midnight air. ‘

Nora: No idea what that’s supposed to mean, but knowing this guy it’s probably another power. Yeah, this strikes me as the guy who would make it so that he can readjust his body on the molecular level so that he’s not cold.

(Gary Stu Counter: 30)

that was one fucked up dream…but the events seemed so real…I need to find out what causes these events to happen’

Cornelia: Five bucks says he does nothing or something completely nonsensical. He’s not exactly a Jedi, he can’t just go to Master Yoda to ask for advice on what these visions mean.

the timed dragged on for another 20 minutes until Blake came out and found me. “I thought I might find you here” she said walking up to me.

Ert: “I need to find out what these dreams mean!” *Sits around for twenty minutes doing nothing*

“You know me too well”

Nora: HA! Yeah right!

i noticed Blake pulling out her tablet and loading a news app.
“I think you need to read this” she handed me the tablet and what I saw wasn’t good

“MYSTERIOUS PEOPLE APPEARING AND THE MURDER AT THE SCHOOL”

Ert: It’s the middle of the night right? You think Lewy would’ve heard about a murder at the school the day before. The news doesn’t exactly publish breaking news like that without people in the local area noticing it first.

was what the title of this article said, it went into great detail about more and more random people were appearing in vale, with no connections to anyone and then it explained the details about the murder…which I did when I first got into this world. ‘So I’m not the only one who has been whisked away from reality…’

Nora: Huh? What? “It explained the details about the murder, which I did when I first got into this world.” I just-WHAT!? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!?

Goeth: Instruments say “Pizza”

“Why did you want me to read this?” I asked still looking through the news article.
“Because I figured this would apply to you…you appeared out of thin air…and you were at this abandoned school”

Ert: Ah, so people are appearing at the ABANDONED school. Well that’s a misleading headline. When you say “At the school,” it usually means the one actually being used in the area. Also how does she know that he appeared out of thin air? I thought he wasn’t telling anyone for no reason at all.

“I always knew that you were smarter than you looked” I say to her, handing back her tablet. “We both have or secrets that we don’t tell anyone…”

Nora: That’s a pretty backhanded compliment. You basically said she looks dumb.

“But you already know about me and my past since you can read minds

Cornelia: I guess she’s just rolling with that (Another moment for bingo).

…and I want to know about you…so tell me, truthfully, who you are”
I let out a sigh before I start to recite my life story to Blake.

Ert: Well, for something he wanted to keep secret, he sure gave up the charade quickly.

“it’s true, I’m not from this world, I’m from a different world were I’m just and average teenage gamer…nothing more, nothing less…when I was younger,

Nora: Oh goodie, another inter-dimensional portal that affects age. Why not…wait a minute. The average acceptance age to Beacon is 17. This guy said he got older. Either they let someone in their twenties into Beacon or we are dealing with a VERY young writer here.

I did fantasise me being a super powered being from all the games I played…and that’s all it is, I was forced in here and I’m living a fantasy”

Ert: At least the author is being honest that this is all just a power fantasy for him. Doesn’t make the story any less shit though.

Blake took a step back away from me when all this came out. “I…see…that doesn’t explain why you have these ‘add-ons’ ”
“I know…I don’t know why I have these but I do”

Cornelia: The author just told us why. This is all a power fantasy for him. It isn’t about logic, its about him feeling powerful.

I turned away from her to look into the trees, were there was someone up there watching me. Blake had become somewhat distant and all she said was “I need to go back to the dorm” and then she left and with that I was alone…and with a watcher.

Nora: Just let it think you can’t see it by looking directly at it and it’ll go away.

“I know you are there, why are you watching me?” I say aloud to catch his or her attention…the reply was not pleasant, it was the loading of a gun. It jumped down from its perch and went slightly into the light, what I saw was enough to confirm who it was.

“Dante…what are you doing here?” I ask him hoping for answer I could use

Ert: *Smashes face onto desk* SURE! WHY NOT! It means I get to use this and have it be 100% accurate!

“To get my sword back”
“Then take it” I unsheathed Rebellion and throw it to his feet, he picked it up and put it on his back, where it belonged.
“That was easier than I planned” he said

Nora: So can we file Lewy getting Dante’s sword into the “Pointless” folder? Because that file is getting pretty big.

“Since you were nice, I’ll give ya advice…when you came into this world, your entry was wrong”

Ert: Oh great, the author is going to try and explain how the hell the world hopping things works. Brace for stupid.

“How do you know that?” I ask stepping to the side to get closer to usable cover, just in case.
“Well since you had my sword, I had to try to find it and the people who brought you here were already tracking you, so I stole the data they had on you and found you here”

Cornelia: Is there any reason he’s being so vague about it? No. No there isn’t. Not a good reason anyway.

“I see…you know who they are?” I ask hoping to finally get some answers.
“Nope and like I care now, I’ll see you around kiddo” and with that he dashed away into the trees. ‘That answered why I have add-ons…but who would call random people into this world?’

Ert: Yeah. Entry into this world went wrong = I have lots and lots of super powers. As opposed to the more likely scenario where he gets torn apart at the atomic level.

by this point the night was deep into the morning hours and I felt myself almost falling over due to lack of sleep I headed towards the dorms and hoped that I didn’t keep anyone awake.

Nora: What is it with us and finding stories about people who struggle with the concept of sleeping?

When I got back everyone was sleeping, not in their normal position of sleep, they were sleeping half on the bed and half horizontal,

Cornelia: I guess this is something the author thought we needed to know.  Also what’s the difference between half horizontal and half vertical?  Trick question.

I sighed when I saw that Blake was still up, she was looking out the window until came in, then she turned to face me. She still looked at me as if I was normal but she was very distant towards me only muttering “Goodnight” when I got to my bed…I really worry for her sometimes…

Ert: You ever notice this guy really under-reacts to everything around him?

Chapter 8 Plans

The next morning was a very cold one, wind that was sharp and to the bone…kinda like Weiss.

Nora: When I doubt, give a character a single trait and reference it every two seconds.

I got up to be greeted with a shelf to the face. “Owww!…I hate that shelf”

Ert: That shelf I’ve never mentioned before.

I say aloud but when I look up I see Blake in the same position she was in last night, staring out of the window, hand on her hand and leaning on the bedside table and the rest already out of the dorms, going god knows where. “Did you get any sleep last night?” I ask walking up towards her.
“No”
“Hmm…we need to talk Blake…”

Cornelia: He’s from another dimension, he has all these bullshit powers, he just talked with Dante, and he needs to talk about HER! Ugh.

I say to her taking a seat beside her on her bunk while putting my hand on her shoulder. “Why are you acting so distant towards me?”…this caused some tears to roll down Blake’s check.
“I thought when I first meet you…you were real, but now I know…that…you are not r-real”

Nora: Oh woe is me! The twat that I’ve only known for a little bit isn’t exactly who he says he was! I mean who keeps secrets about who they are. Like THAT YOU’RE A FANUS AND A FORMER TERRORIST!

this caused more tears to escape her eyes, I turn her round to embrace her into a hug.
“Blake, it’s okay, I may not be real

Ert: He’s not? Can we go home then?

but I will fight to make sure I can live in this world for as long as I can”. She buries her head into my chest and sobs; we stay like this for a few minutes before I break away. “sorry, I need to go out” I say to her giving a wave as she stands up and looks more perky than she once was.

Cornelia: Well glad to see he could spare ten seconds to talk to her before he had to go do something that was actually important. Also perky. Choose your words better.

I walked outside of the Beacon campus and roamed the town, it was rather nice and they were setting up for some kind of festival, the Vytal festival I think. The stands were going to look nice with all the stock they had lying around in boxes, there were necklaces and key rings and other festival nonsense. ‘Although I would stay around to help out, I really need to find whoever is stalking me…’ I continue to walk down the street, ever wary of anyone who wasn’t normal…or wasn’t from Vytal at least.

Ert: So the something that he had to go do was wander around aimlessly. Make sure you don’t bump into Crow.

I managed to walk all around the festival site and get to the docks and found no evidence of anyone or any group which was responsible for stalking me, ‘hmm…may be some people know around the docks…I still sense the presence of eyes on my back and I now sense my team…yay’

Cornelia: Is there any logical reasoning at all that the information that he’ll need will be at the docks? It really feels like this guy is grasping at straws. I get the feeling he’ll find what he’s looking for though, because he ALWAYS needs to get his way.

I spin around to see the team huddled around a crime scene area, I walk up behind them, quietly, and jump on them “ARRGH!” Ruby jumped into her sister’s arms while Weiss spins round and was close to stabbing me with Myrtenaster. “HAHA! Got you!” I shout over fits of laughter.

Nora: What. The fuck! I’m sorry author, what kind of a tone are you trying to set here? Dense and whacky or somber and serious? Because those two require a lot of talent to mix together, and you’re not doing a very good job.

“Very funny, jerk” Weiss say spinning back around to the crime scene
“What happened here?” I say walking right up to the police tape so that I could see the whole scene.
“Robbery, possibly by the White Fang” the detective says to me while flicking his gun around as he talks.

Ert: Oh, so we’re going back to repeating the events of the original story now. Is Lewy going to steal someone else’s role because the author is too lazy to come up with something original? Let’s read on and find out.

‘Hmm…I know that the group needs dust but I never thought that it would be this much…i need to get to the dock if that’s the case, just in case if there is any more shipments of dust’ I was lost in thought that much that I didn’t hear Blake and Weiss arguing. “Those Faunus only know how to lie, cheat and steal” Weiss says in anger to a just as angry Blake.

Nora: He was lost in thought and didn’t hear them talking, which is why he clearly heard what they were saying and their emotional states during it.

“Hey stop that Faunus!” a sailor shouts as the stowaway Faunus jumps from the boat, “No good stowaway!”
“Hey! A no good stowaway would’ve been caught! I’m a great stowaway!” The fauns say,

Cornelia: The hell is a Fauns?

crouching on top of the lamp-post. I look directly at him to try to read his mind, ‘he knows about some dust shipments…time to ask him’

Ert: I know this based on me reading his mind. And for some reason I can’t just read his mind to figure out what he knows because the author wasn’t thinking when he gave me this bullshit power.

by this time he had already zoomed straight by us and I’m convinced he just winked at Blake…that’s my job…”Quickly we must observe him!” Weiss shouts as she begins to chase after him.

Nora: A joke that makes no sense taken out of its original context, considering Weiss wanted to go down to the docks to see the contestants for the upcoming tournament and insisted that she wasn’t spying, she was “observing.”

We all run after him, Weiss leading then me and Blake neck and neck while the sisters where at the back, ‘someone is around the corner’ I start to wall run on the building we turned around at a keep going, past the heap of limbs that Weiss had crashed into. Around the next building the police had stop chasing but I soon dashed right by them and started making my way to the roofs, that when I saw him…on the same roof as me. That’s when he pulls his weapon “No I’m not going back to the police!”

Ert: And he could catch up with Sun Wukong (Yes really) because super special awesome.

(Gary Stu Counter: 31)

“It’s alright calm down! I’m not working with the police” he lessens his stance but still has his weapon ready. “I just want to know something about the ship you were on”
“okay…what do you want to know?”
“Was there any dust on that ship? And where is it going to be stored?”

Nora: Ok random person who just ran into me on the roof, I’ll tell you everything I know because we need the plot to advance.

I turn around to see them unloading the dust, the Faunus joins me on the edge.
“Yeah, there was, it’s going off now and it’s going to be stored in the docks for the night” he turns back around and prepares to start to jump from building to building. ‘Helpful’ “Thank you” I say to him as I jump from the side of the building before landing on the pavement. ‘Now, where is the others…I hope they aren’t fighting’

Cornelia: So he’s concerned about them fighting. For no reason. I mean Blake was getting angry earlier, but the story said he didn’t hear that, so he can’t have it both ways.

I start to walk back into the vague direction of Beacon, that’s when I saw them going to towards Beacon, with large voices being thrown around, which belonged to Blake and Weiss…’Ughh…called it’ I run towards them but I start to walk with Ruby and Yang and not getting involved with the shouting match. “Hi, I’m back…so what’s going on?” I say to a concerned Yang

Ert: I watched the episodes but I’m clueless. This is a real train wreck of a self insert.

“Weiss is calling the Faunus of the White Fang degenerates while Blake is defending them” Yang said back, with caution in her voice
“Hmm…it’s harsh to call them degenerates…they are just doing what they think is right, which is wrong in most people’s eyes”

Nora: He takes the side of his love interest. I am thoroughly unsurprised.

“That’s what Blake is saying” by now we were in the dorm and the argument was really heating up, Yang was on the rocking chair, Ruby was sitting on my bed while I was leaning on the wall, waiting for nightfall, Then Weiss exploded “No! You want to know why I despise the White Fang? It’s because they’re a bunch of liars, thieves, and murderers!”

Ert: Maybe this argument would have more meaning if the characters who weren’t Lewy had gotten established more.

“Well maybe we were just tired of being pushed around!” Blake yells in retaliation, not realising what she said until it was too late. ‘Oh dear…Blake’ She darted right past me and went straight outside.

Nora: Quick! Everyone, feel emotions at this watered down version of what happened in the actual show.

The tension in the room was high and the silence was killing everyone. ‘Well since we are getting things of our chests I might as well say my secret’ “Since we are getting things out in the open…” the others stare at me, mixed emotions clouding their faces. “I am not from this world, I was brought into this world by someone else and I am not who I am right now” if there was talking in the room…I’m sure It would have stopped. I pick up my Bo staff that was resting by my bed and made my way outside, wiping a tear from my eye, and start to head towards the docks

Nora: Ok, while everyone is emotionally confused I’m going to drop a bombshell on you and walk away. (That’s one for bingo.) Also I’m going to cry because tragic.

Ert:  Well this story is checking off all of the self insert tropes.  Lets see if we can finish off our bingo board next week.

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27 Comments on “1268: Real RWBY- Chapters 5-8”

  1. TacoMagic says:

    “I think you need to read this” she handed me the tablet and what I saw wasn’t good

    Why thanks, Blake, let’s see what it says.

    “MYSTERIOUS PEOPLE APPEARING AND THE MURDER AT THE SCHOOL”

    *Taco is blown out of the room*

  2. GhostCat says:

    ‘Right how to get to Class…I know! Parkour’ with that thought, I dive out of the window, roll on the landing and run to the main building.

    :headdesk:

    This is so unnecessary.

  3. GhostCat says:

    I was standing, Prepared with Rebellion in its sheath as I carried it with my left hand and put my fingers in front my face, prepping some fire in my fingers and in Rebellion. “I’m ready”

    I’m not really much of a swordswoman, but I’m almost positive you have to take the sword out of the scabbard.

  4. GhostCat says:

    that goes for the rest of you; you do the same thing that your leader did, you will have the same punishment

    Dude, that wasn’t punishment; you straight-up murdered someone for no reason.

  5. GhostCat says:

    ‘Now…what song to do? I wonder…’ I was engrossed in my thoughts that I didn’t see the tree that I walked into, it gave me a wonderful high five…to the face

    :waves Team Tree foam finger:

    “Ow!” I say aloud rubbing my forehead to ease the pain before my healing spells kicked in, ‘note to self, trees…painful’

    He’s wasting a healing spell – maybe even multiple healing spells – to patch himself up after whacking himself on the noggin? I know he probably has an endless supply of power, but this is terrible resource management.

  6. GhostCat says:

    by the time that I got back to the dorms, 5 minutes had gone by due to me sitting and admiring the view for a little while.

    I don’t think the author realizes how short five minutes would be. That’s barely a bathroom break.

  7. GhostCat says:

    I turn the lights on and switch off my night vision.

    He turned the light on and then turned off his very sensitive night vision? Congratulations, asshole – you just blinded yourself.

  8. GhostCat says:

    He did a guitar solo and a keyboard solo? At the same time?

    ELIZA! GUMDROP! PREPARE THE PIES OF CALMING FOR HERR!

  9. GhostCat says:

    “Blake, it’s okay, I may not be real but I will fight to make sure I can live in this world for as long as I can”.

    Translation; I must remain in this world long enough to bone you.

  10. SuperFeatherYoshi says:

    Goeth: Nope. My instruments just keep saying pink over and over again. Further research is needed

    GOETH! Are you messing around with pink energy again?

  11. "Lyle" says:

    […]we decided to go with two short ones because I don’t think people can take too much of this stupidity in one go.

    Bless you. *slides Ert a cookie*

  12. SFY says:

    And to think I once thought MY story has an epic Stu protagonist. There’s New Power as Plot Demands… And then there’s this.

  13. DrWheat says:

    One thing that irritates me is : Where did he get the Bo staff?


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