1260: Everybody Likes Chocolate – Chapter Four

Title: Everybody Likes Chocolate
Author: nutin-but-JD
Media:  Book / Movie
Topic: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Genre: Romance
URL: Chapter Four
Critiqued by Lyle and Koori

Welcome back, everyone, to “Everybody Likes Chocolate,” a “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” fic that may or may not star a cat that snuck into Willie Wonka’s factory.

Koori:  Last week, our still unnamed protagonist sat in Wonka’s kitchen with him while a small, blue-haired man made her something to eat.  She showed Wonka her box of special treasures-

*snort*

Koori:  What?

Nothing.  Continue.

Koori:  Okay…  anyway, she showed him her box of hidden treasures and then told him how she had gotten a box of his chocolates from a stranger, even though no strangers ever gave her anything.  We left off at what was probably supposed to be a cliffhanger: a covered silver platter arrives at the table.

Chapter Four is called “A Strange Chocolate Treat,” which sounds pretty par for the course with Wonka.  Let’s get to it!

He removed the cover to reveal… “Um… what is it sir?” I asked, very puzzled by it.

Hopefully it’s not a severed head…

Koori:  That would certainly be an interesting twist.

“Why,” he said with a smile, “it’s chocolate!”

Koori:  Well, that’s disappointing.

And kind of inappropriate to give to a starving person.  She obviously hasn’t seen a good meal in, well, ever and the first thing you’re going to give her is sugar?  She’ll get sick as a dog.

Koori:  Wonka is going to be angry when he finds out she vomited in his shoes while he was sleeping.

“Not trying to offend you or your chef sir, but I’m not sure that I would like to eat it.”

That reminds me.  Why was a chef necessary to serve her chocolate?

Koori:  Maybe he made chocolate pipe designs for her?

Well, since the [thing] is never described, we’ll never find out.

He gave me a sort of suspicious look and quickly stood up from his chair. “What do you mean; you’re not sure you would like to eat it?”

Because she hasn’t had a meal yet today and would like something more substantial than candy.  Bring her a sandwich before you shove dessert in her face.

“Well, it’s just that it looks sort of… well… strange.”

“You should not judge a book by looking at only its…” he paused for a moment.

“Cover, sir.”

“Thank you. You should not judge a book by its cover. Sometimes, you can be seriously mistaken.”

As true as that is, I often find that the cover is the first thing that leads me to pick up the book.  If your cover looks like ass, I won’t look at your book.  Similarly, if your salad looks unappetizing, I’m not tossing it.

Koori: Uhm.

You heard what I said.

The misshapen pile of chocolate and some other things seemed to smell good, but I was still rather uneasy. “Perhaps I will pass on this, sir, but thank you for the offer.”

Seemed to smell good.  You’re not sure?

Koori:  Smell doesn’t work like that.  If it smells good, it smells good.

“Nonsense! You must have the courage inside you to try something you have never had, that’s the fun of it!”

How about letting her try some real food?

The little man brought us two spoons with that same ‘W’ engraved in it. I gingerly picked it up, but held on to it in fear. It seemed that Mr. Wonka had a rather large sweet tooth considering… (Wow, his teeth were white!) Spoonful after spoonful, he kept eating it as if it were his last meal he would ever have. “Oh, I’m terribly sorry,” he said, now setting his spoon down, “I’m so used to eating alone.”

You’re sharing the [chocolate thing]?  Like, with the same spoons in the same dish?  *gags*

Koori:  But you share things with Mr. Lyle all the time.

That’s different.  Mr. Lyle is not a random person I just met.  I wouldn’t walk up to a stranger in the street and dig a spoon into their parfait.

“It really isn’t a problem, sir. I don’t eat much as it is.”

Yes, we know that.  You’re homeless and don’t get good food.  Which is all the more reason that if he’s going to offer you something to eat, it needs to be nutritionally sound!  For fuck’s sake, get the girl some broth at least!

“Yes, I figured that by how very small you are around your waist. You know, chocolate can help you with that. It really isn’t very healthy to be so thin! In fact, I have never seen anyone as petite as you.”

While technically he’s right that chocolate will help you gain weight, at her malnourished state it could also kill her.  She needs real food to build her strength back up, not chocolate.

Did he just call me ‘petite’?

Yes, he did.  Please pay attention.

I continued to sit there, not moving or speaking. Suddenly, he got up, walked over to me, and physically put the spoon into my hand. “There, that’s better now isn’t it?” As I scooped up a spoonful of the goopy concoction, I figured that I had no choice. Mr. Wonka was standing right behind me, supervising. As I brought it to my mouth, I became afraid once more. But if he can eat it, why can’t I? The answer was in the question. However, I mustered up the courage, and I ate it.

Koori:  I’m very uncomfortable with how Wonka is forcing her to eat something she doesn’t want to eat.

At least we know it isn’t poisoned since he ate half of it first.

Koori:  Plenty of people can acclimate to poison to give off the impression that food is not deadly.  It happens all the time in the ninja world.

I doubt Wonka is a poison-immune ninja.

Koori:  Anything is possible.

I guess- hey, wait a second.  She was already holding the spoon.  How did he shove it into her hand?  Is she now two-fisting it?

Why had I waited so long!? Once I had swallowed it, I had to cover my mouth to hide the smile that had come across my face. Now there was another problem. I had to try to prevent myself from grabbing the plate and eating it with nothing but my hands! “Not bad,” I said, keeping as calm as I possibly could, “not bad at all.” A breeze of distress blew through him, I could see it. “Something wrong, Mr. Wonka?” (Oops, I actually called him Mr. Wonka!)

Why is that a mistake?!  His name is Willie Wonka.  That would make me MR. WONKA.  Unless he told you to call him Willie, the appropriate way to address a male adult in your culture is Mr. Last Name.

“I have never given this to anyone and had ‘not bad’ as a response. Something must have gone terribly wrong here! Whatever it is, it must be fixed at once!” he began to walk towards the door that led to the back part of the kitchen.

“Mr. Wonka, wait!”

Koori:  You ate it yourself, Wonka.  Obviously, it tastes fine.

I don’t really get why she’s being so nonchalant about how much she likes the dish.  Why not be honest and say you really like it?

Koori:  Also, Wonka is a recluse, isn’t he?

Pretty much, yeah.

Koori:  Who else would he have given this dish to to say she’s the first one to call it “not bad.”

Maybe the Oompaloompas?  Anyway, that’s it for this chapter.  See you all next week!

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