1230: Tomorrow Is Always Better – Chapter 5

 

Title: Tomorrow Is Always Better
Author: LaRae and Ninjas Incorporated
Media: Anime/Manga
Topic: Ouran High School Host Club
Genre:  Romance/Hurt/Comfort
URL: Chapter 5
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

Welcome back, dear Patrons!

Last week’s chapter continued the trend of nothing much happening; Kyo-Sue and her two friends coalesced into a singing Character Blob that was invited to join the host club, because reasons, and Kyo-Sue proved to be bossy and argumentative. Same old, same old.

Speaking of the same old, same old – on to today’s chapter!

XOXOXOXOXOX You know the drill

What, no chatty little Author’s Note? Not that I’m complaining, mind you, but when authors who were previously talkative start skipping over their extended Author’s Notes, it usually means they are running out of steam.

We can only hope.

Chapter 5: Surprised Marriage, and Lena’s brother

I bet you like to talk in the theater and give away the ending of the movie, too.

It had been four days since I had yelled at the twins and they seemed to be doing rather good job of keeping up with Kylee, that was that sweet little red heads name.

Then she definitely isn’t the twins’ sister, because her name is Ageha. Also, she hasn’t been born yet.

I walked down the halls of my home I I’m wearing that outfit we bought that day at the mall,

The narration only describes them buying one outfit, a tank top and skirt ensemble, but I would really hope she purchased more clothing than that. Kyo-Sue arrived in Japan about a week ago with no clothes but what she was wearing, so if she’s been alternating between the two outfits and her school uniform then they are going to get worn to threads shortly.

mother had wished to see me in her study, you do realize that my mother owns more than half of my fathers company , so it was something about me inheriting company I didn’t want.

Wait, what?

Why would I realize that? Kyo-Sue’s mother has barely been in the fic, and certainly has never brought up the fact that she owes half of Daddy Dumbass’ company. If they were married in a jurisdiction that had communal property laws and Daddy Dumbass really was a dumbass and didn’t get Mama Dumbass to sign a pre-nup, then technically Mama Dumbass would own half of everything accrued during the marriage. That doesn’t necessarily mean she owns half of the company, unless Daddy Dumbass built it up during the time they were married. With what little has been revealed about these two, I don’t think Daddy Dumbass would want half of his company to stay in his ex-wife’s hands so he would likely buy out her share or give her non-voting stock.

If by some miracle her mother does own more than half of the company, then it’s not her father’s company – it’s her mother’s.

I knock on my mother study, she says come in to my surprise Kyoya’s father was there and so was Kyoya. For some reason seeing them here bothered me, like how could I not know that my best guy friend was in my house with his father, who slightly scared me.

I’m not the least bit surprised. The author is a Kyouya-senpai fangirl and the title of the chapter is “Surprised Marriage” so it’s not exactly hard to put the pieces together.

“Good-day Mr. Ootori, Kyoya-senpie what are you doing here?” I ask being very polite and nice.

Asking someone flat-out “What are you doing here?” isn’t nice or polite, especially by Japanese standards.

“Dear, please sit down, you too Kyoya, this involves both of you.” my mother starts smiling at me like she knows something that I want like.

I’m going to assume that that’s supposed to be “that I won’t like”, but that really doesn’t make sense. Thus far in the fic, Mama Dumbass has been a nearly invisible presence that only shows up to provide Kyo-Sue with whatever she wants. Now it almost looks as if Mama Dumbass is going to be the antagonist.

“Yes, Ma’am.” I say and take my seat and Kyoya nods and sits down as well.

That’s the best thing about the Formless Void – there’s always precisely as many chairs as there needs to be.

“You know that I own all of your fathers company,

I thought she owned “more than half”? Did Mama Dumbass somehow acquire the other portion in the last ten seconds? The entire company would qualify as “more than half”, but still.

and you are the only eligible heir to take control of the company, Right Kyoko.” She says and I nod my head, I’m not liking where this is going.

Wrong, actually. Kyo-Sue has a number of siblings, some of whom are older than she is.

“Good, if you would be kind.” My mother elaborates.

…Wha? Is Mama Dumbass asking Kyo-Sue to elaborate on her status as the heir? Because that doesn’t make sense.

“From my understanding, Miss. Kyoko , you don’t want the company at all.” He says.

Who is that and why is he responding to the statement Mama Dumbass made towards Kyo-Sue?

“It’s not that I don’t want it I just don’t want my future family to go through what I had to.” I explain.

What, the whole “abusive father” thing? That’s not really tied to your status as the heir, you know. You don’t have to marry an abusive asshat if you take over the company.

“Kyoko dear, before you were born me and you father set up a marriage for you so your husband would have all the right to the company.” Now I really don’t like where this is going.

I’m not really fond of the direction things are moving, either.

It’s a really predictable plotline; Kyo-Sue is somehow the heir but doesn’t want to inherit the company, so there’s going to be a conveniently arranged marriage that just happens to be with the character the author has a fangirl crush and who canonically wants to run a company but can’t because he isn’t the eldest son. That’s not really the issue; arranged marriages are fairly common in some areas of the world, Japan being one of them, but this deal was brokered before Kyo-Sue’s parents divorced. Wouldn’t the divorce and subsequent resettlement of business affairs have restructured the business and required a renegotiation of the engagement? Daddy Dumbass has other children that are older than Kyo-Sue, wouldn’t he have made the eldest one of them his heir instead of Kyo-Sue after the divorce? And the Ootori family is sharp; they would have arranged it so Kyouya-senpai marries the heir, not specifically Kyo-Sue. And why was the marriage arranged with Kyouya-senpai and not one of his older brothers?

This premise could be plausible, but it would take a lot of explanation as to why only Kyo-Sue could be the heir and why only Kyouya-senpai would be her arranged groom. The way it is now the only reason given is “because the plot demands it”. That’s not good enough.

“With whom mother, I will accept it no matter what.” I was always the child who did as there told my little freedom as a child was in kendo and music, I’ll do anything so i don’t have to own the very thing I hate.

This is the very same child who ran away from her father’s house without his permission and is constantly wandering off on her own without checking in with any adults, right? She has a tremendous amount of freedom, far more than she should have considering her father is supposedly trying to have her killed.

Also; is she trying to play coy? Kyouya-senpai is there with his father and Mama Dumbass brings up this old wedding contract. Who does she think she’s going to marry?

” before his 21 birthday you are to wed Ootori Kyoya.” Did she just what I think she said, I have to marry my best friend, well at lest we like each other enough to live with in till one of us die.

Much shock. So surprised.

” did you know about this Kyoya-Kun?” I ask innocently and curiously.

Why would he know about it?

“Yes.” Is all he said.

:headdesk:

It wouldn’t really make sense for just one of them to know, but it does explain why Kyouya-kun is friends with Kyo-Sue in the first place; he would be the sort to cultivate a friendship or even a romance if it was in his own best interests.

“Kyoya and Kyoko, you are both dismissed, we have thing to discuses.” Mr. Ootori said and we left.

Wait, they brought the two of them in together for the express purpose of telling just Kyo-Sue that the two of them are going to get married at some point within the next five years? That’s kind of pointless.

” Kyoya, walk with me to the park I don’t want to go alone.” I say every time I’m there people sent by my father are there.

Not really. Kyo-Sue’s been to the park twice; the first time Random Friend Lena was there, and the second time a guy in a cloak eventually showed up after she was hanging out with the two other girls for a while. It was never even established that the guy in the cloak was sent by Daddy Dumbass or that he was just a random weirdo.

“It’s not like I let you go by your self anyway.” He say nonchalantly as we walk out the front door.

Despite previous evidence to the contrary.

” Oh really, It’s not like you to care.” I say as we walk up to an ice cream stand.

He cares, he just doesn’t feel the need to announce his feelings to the world.

“Yes Really.” He says and we sit on a park bench.

What about the ice cream? Did you get any? At this point, I care more about the potential for vicarious ice cream than either of these characters.

We sat there and talk for a while then he called a driver and we called a meeting and Takashi’s house, why because 7 of the ten members are already over there playing video games.

:THWACK!:

No numerals in the narration!

This daybook entry feels the need to explain why they are having the meeting at Mori-senpai’s house, but not why they are having the meeting in the first place. I assume it would be to inform the other host club members of Kyo-Sue and Kyouya-senpai’s engaged status, but there isn’t really a need to call a special meeting for that. It’s not like they are getting married tomorrow.

Me and Kyoya

:THWACK!:

:headdesk:

are late to the meeting we called because I started singing Disney music and then he kicked me out of the car,

I applaud his actions, even if I don’t understand why he hates Disney music so much. Maybe if there was mention of some specific song that he found annoying, like this one;

Enjoy your earworm!

then waited 45 minutes to let me back in he made me promise that I wouldn’t sing any more Disney music I promised.

:THWACK!:

STOP. IT.

:alarms blare:

Hey, agents! Wanna have a sing-a-long? I know the perfect song!

:muffled screams and sounds of running away:

Maybe there’s something to this weaponized Disney music.

We walk through the door and Lena runs over and tackles me in a hug, her leukemia had gotten a lot better since she got here.

:headdesk:

It looks like I was mistaken – there is a mention of Random Friend Lena’s cancer! A passing mention designed to sweep it under the rug.

She’s been there maybe two days, and one of those days she was at school with Kyouya-senpai and Kyo-Sue. When did she have a treatment done? And if she did have a treatment, why isn’t she sick? Chemotherapy walks the thin line between poisoning you just enough to kill the cancer but not enough to kill you, with chemicals that are often carcinogens that have the very real potential to give the patient different (and harder to treat) cancers. Most patients are much sicker after getting treated, not better.

“Sissy, your late wut took you so wong.” She says in a childish voice.

:groans:

Why are you such a pain in the ass?

“I was singing Disney music so Kyoya kicked me out of the limo and made me promise to not sing anymore and he let me in.” I explain.

I didn’t think it was possible, but it actually gets more boring when she retells it.

In Takashi’s house we sat in one of the many living rooms,

I’m sorry, his many what?

Even if Mori-senpai’s family is crazy-wealthy, why would they have multiple family rooms? A family room is usually multi-purpose; if you have the luxury of multiple rooms, you would naturally divide those rooms into different functions rather than having them all serve the same multiple functions. That’s assuming his family has a large, Western-style home rather than a smaller traditional-style one. The complete lack of description makes it hard to tell.  Traditional Japanese homes do often contain washitsu, traditional rooms with tatami mats that are multipurpose, sparsely furnished, and can be anything from a dining room to a spare bedroom – but the author hasn’t really incorporated many Japanese elements into the fic so I don’t think this is the case.

I sat next to Kyoya huddled up cause I was cold, Lena sat in Hikaru’s lap, Kraou sat next to Hikaru, Haruhi sat next to Tamaki but she was on the floor, Huni was sitting in Takashi lap holding Usa-chan.

:humming to self: The ankle bone’s connected to the leg bone, the leg bone’s connected to the hip bone, the hip bone’s connected to the backbone and that’s how you build a Character Blob!

“Okay so the reason we ask the tree who weren’t here to come here is because me and Kyoya have to tell you something.” I started we agreed on telling them about the marriage and such.

I was right! Now I’m experiencing the odd mix of happy and sad that comes from being right about something in a badfic.

“Well spit it out, Kyo-chan.” Lena yelled happily.

What are you talking about? Didn’t she just daybook a conversation about their engagement?

” Me and Kyoy are in arraigned marriage, we both fond out earlier.” I say and snuggle closer to Kyoya-kun one because this house is cold and to because I’m freezing.

You’re cuddling with him because you’re cold. Riiight.

“PDA much!” Lena screams.

Gah. Annoy much?

“Who gave her sugar?” I ask madly.

I think Random Friend Lena’s issues stem from something deeper than a sugar rush. And I do not think that is the adverb you are looking for, but let me consult the dictionary.

:flips through dictionary:

Hmmm… Madly; in a manner suggesting or characteristic of insanity.

:closes dictionary:

Nope, we’re good. Please continue.

“I gave Lena some cake before you got her and s he drank I full glass of coke and had a chocolate bar.” Huni explained and he looked so cute.

Ugh. She’s going to have a case of the diabeetus to go with her cancer.

“Lena, you don’t any sugary things for one week, you got that, Takashi make sure she doesn’t consume anything she souldn’t.” I order.

I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but you are supposed to be her friend – not her personal caretaker. Encouraging such a dependent relationship at her age can’t be healthy.

Me and Kyoya leave after a while we go back to my house, we are sitting on my bed playing a cards.

Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

“Kyoya-kun, are you hungry, we haven’t eatin dinner.” I ask sitting up from my laying possession.

” No, I haven’t eatin yet.” With that said I tell him we re going out and we leave.

Well, that was pointless. Did they go to dinner? Will Kyo-Sue invite Kyouya-senpai back for another round, or will he go home and play a little solitaire? Does anyone care?

Lena’s POV

AHHH!

:kicks desk:

One week without POV Tags popping up in one of our fics. Is that too much to ask?

Well that was weird, She was snoggling a up to him

They’re doing what now?

like If he was leaving, I would have never had guess it be that really, there getting married my best friend and older sister was getting married and she didn’t even know,

Kyo-Sue isn’t your sister, she’s not even a very good friend.

Miss. Tanaka would be that kind of parent, setting a marriage up for her child.

I’m assuming that Miss Tanaka is Mama Dumbass, her name hasn’t been given before so I cannot be sure.

Does Random Friend Lena think this is a good thing, or a bad thing? The statement is so passive and vague that I can’t tell.

” Lena, are you okay.” I hear Hikaru ask looking up from the Television and the game we re all playing.

I don’t play many games, but I’m almost positive that you should pay attention to the screen while playing so you don’t die horribly and have to go back to your last save point.

” Yah, I’m fine.” I lie, I’m worried about Kyo-chan, and I don’t want to say anything about it at all.

:headdesk:

Of course Random Friend Lena is worried about Kyo-Sue! It’s not like Random Friend Lena has any personal problems of her own that could be troubling her.

” Your not a very good liar, you know so wants wrong.” He says and I stand up from my sitting possession, and walk to the door, I turn and look at them all. “I’m going out.”

That’s a bad idea. You got lost the last time you left the house alone, remember?

I yell and walk out the door and start running,

And I be no one goes after her because they are either playing video games or worrying about Kyo-Sue.

my cancer was cured so I don’t have to worry,

…WHAT!?!

No, no, no. No. There was a single passing mention of her leukemia “getting better” in this chapter after several chapters of nothing, and now she’s suddenly cured?

:picks up fic and shakes it:

DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND HOW WRONG THAT IS?!?

It’s revealed that Random Friend Lena has cancer and can’t move to Japan, only she does move because [reasons] and without spending a second anywhere near a doctor, she’s starting to get better only SURPRISE! She’s suddenly cured?

:headdesk:

Why the hell did this character ever have cancer in the first place? When it comes to that, why is she even in the fic at all? To show how maternal and loving Kyo-Sue can be? Because so far all she’s done is domineer and belittle Random Friend Lena.

I’d been in Japan for about 2 or 3 months I wasn’t really keeping up with the time I was happy here.

:spit-take:

Bullshit you have!

The timeline has been incredibly vague and it is possible that there have been hidden time-skips, but I had been under the impression that a week at most had passed.

I ran as far as I could and as long as I could,

She’s a recovering cancer patient, so that can’t be very far.

I ran firstly to the park and sat on a bech, and looked arout at the city before me, the life the happiness and the brightness.

Where is this park located that she can see the entire city?

Take me take me outta here it makes me
Feel so, feel so na na nana na

I start singing,

Oh, hell. She’s singing.

I’m not familiar with these lyrics, but luckily I can Google!

:short research break:

Well, that was enlightening.

The song is Follow Me Down by 3OH!3, and I’m really having a hard time imagining what something with so much electronic distortion would sound like as an a capella solo. Oh, but look! A mysterious male voice joins her.

Baby baby here we all crazy
You don’t have to worry na na nana na

I hear a male voice sing

I’m going to go ahead and cut the rest, they trade verses back and forth until the end of the song with absolutely nothing happening in the narration.

The male voice sings again, and then I see a guy walk up and it’s none other than my very own older Brother.

…Okay? It is a bit odd that he would be here in this park at the exact same time she is, but not all that shocking. She’s only thirteen, in a strange country and supposedly suffering from a terrible illness. It wouldn’t be strange for her family to send older siblings to watch over her if they were unable to, especially if the entire family will be moving to the same place.

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

It would seem that this is supposed to be a cliffhanger ending. It might work if I knew anything about any of these characters or cared even the slightest bit about what was happening, but I don’t.

Well wut did you think, I hope you liked it I did and such.

No, I can’t say that I did.

Any who Rate and re-

Coal: wait your just going to stop there?

:jumps:

Who the hell is that?

Me: Of course it called a cliffhanger duh.

:headdesk:

Dammit. The author just moved the chatty bit to the end of the chapter.

Lena: Yah Kyoko is right it wouldn’t be any fun if there weren’t any cliffhangers, and beside you finally get to be in the story.

What does that mean? Kyo-Sue/the author has been in the entire fic! The whole damn thing is about her!

Coal: wuteve.

And who the hell is this person?

Kyoya: Anyway just to inform you Kyoko is CRAZY and has this stupid idea that she owns OHSHC, when she doesn’t so don’t believe anything that comes out her mouth.

:headdesk:

Putting a disclaimer in the beginning of a chapter is pointless; putting the same disclaimer at the end of the frickin’ chapter is just ridiculous.

Me: that not very nice Kyoya-kun, remember this story is in my hands and I could make your fanfic life living hell if I wanted to.

You mean, you’re not already?

Kyoya: already did your making me marry you right.

apply-cold-water-to-the-burned-area

:high-fives Kyouya-senpai:

Me: Rudeness.

There’s a Mr. Pot on the phone for you, Miss Kettle.

Total word count….. 1,437….

:headdesk:

Sweet monkey-milking Jeebus! No one cares about your flippin’ word count! Stop with the updates every chapter.

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28 Comments on “1230: Tomorrow Is Always Better – Chapter 5”

  1. Tie Dye Mage says:

    Why would I realize that? Kyo-Sue’s mother has barely been in the fic, and certainly has never brought up the fact that she owes half of Daddy Dumbass’ company.

    She owes someone half of a company? That’s going to take a long time to pay back. How much is that in liquid capital?

  2. Tie Dye Mage says:

    “You know that I own all of your fathers company,

    I thought she owned “more than half”? Did Mama Dumbass somehow acquire the other portion in the last ten seconds? The entire company would qualify as “more than half”, but still.

    Maybe she incited a hostile takeover since last we checked. A lot can happen in ten seconds.

  3. Tie Dye Mage says:

    We sat there and talk for a while then he called a driver and we called a meeting and Takashi’s house, why because 7 of the ten members are already over there playing video games.

    :THWACK!:

    No numerals in the narration!

    This kind of thing is something I still get confused about. In what instances would it be appropriate to represent numbers as numerals and when is better to spell them out? I’ve asked several people before and they gave conflicting accounts.

    • GhostCat says:

      Spell out numbers from one to nine, anything higher than that depends on the situation. Very high numbers are easier to express in numerals than trying to write them out the long way, unless they’re whole numbers. And you shouldn’t mix the two together, like using “10 thousand” instead of “ten thousand”. First-person perspective should be treated like dialogue, though, and you should never use numerals in dialogue.

      This instance was especially annoying, because the author did it both ways.

  4. Tie Dye Mage says:

    It’s revealed that Random Friend Lena has cancer and can’t move to Japan, only she does move because [reasons] and without spending a second anywhere near a doctor, she’s starting to get better only SURPRISE! She’s suddenly cured?

    Maybe she got visited by the Plot Convenience Fairy?

  5. TacoMagic says:

    who slightly scared me.

    BAAAA!

    *Cerbersheep charges out of the room*

    He’s pretty swift on his feet for something the size of a garden shed.

  6. parrish122 says:

    I wish I’d had Random Friend Lena’s doctors! I was fortunate enough to survive cancer, but it sure as hell didn’t take only two or three months. I wasn’t even finished with chemo by that point. And after three months of chemo, I certainly didn’t feel like running anywhere or tackling people in hugs.
    Good Lord, this storyline has annoyed me so much on a personal level.

    • GhostCat says:

      I think I actually preferred the chapters where the author appeared to forget she even had cancer rather than this very rushed “BTW, Lena’s cured now” nonsense.

    • SC says:

      I brought that up, too, in Facebook. What the fuck kind of cancer, especially one like Leukemia that has a LOW survival rate, rescinds that fucking fast? How many Chemo IVs did they stick in her ass?

      • SC says:

        And that matter, what the hell kind of Asgardian being is she that she’s already up and running fresh out of Chemo, the medical equivalent of a German suplex?

      • GhostCat says:

        Certain types of leukemia have very good remission rates; acute lymphoblastic leukemia has a ninety percent remission rate, according to the info on St Jude’s website. Of course, you’re only considered “cured” if you’ve been in remission for ten years. Even if Random Friend Lena did managed to show signs of remission and somehow managed to pop back from getting her ass chemically kicked, she wouldn’t be considered “cured” for many years.

  7. SC says:

    Total word count….. 1,437….

    Meanwhile, I’m sitting on a NaNoWriMo novel of unarguably superior quality in progress at 15,000+ words over the last six days.

    Scrub detected.

    • GhostCat says:

      The average daily count for a NaNovel is a bit over sixteen hundred words, and thus far none of her chapters have gotten close to that. If she is “keeping score” with her word count, then she’s getting her ass kicked by thousands of NaNovelists around the world.

      • SC says:

        And this is a fic she hasn’t updated in four years, either. She’s sitting at 14k+ after eleven chapters.

        I only have four chapters and a prologue after six days.

        Dude, I am ripping her apart.

      • SC says:

        And just to note, I set a word count of 2000+ per day, with the rare exception of chapter three, which was something like 5000 or so words I think.

  8. Hmmm…. Sue’s father owns a major biotechnology firm and has a history of hiring or coercing agents into tracking his daughter… and Lena has now just experienced a miraculous recovery from a serious illness that has a number of drastically more effective treatments currently under research, which she is extremely reluctant to talk about.

    If I were Sue (and thank the Spirits I’m not!), I wouldn’t be discussing anything of note about my business plans around Lena in the future…

  9. Delta XIII says:

    Maybe there’s something to this weaponized Disney music.

    Ooh! Use this one next!


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