1222: Kamen Rider Ryuki: A Rider’s Persona – Chapter Four, Part 2Posted: October 29, 2015
Title: Kamen Rider Ryuki: A Rider’s Persona
Author: Nero Angelo Sparda
Media: TV Shows/Video Games
Topic: Kamen Rider Ryuki/Persona
URL: Kamen Rider Ryuki: A Rider’s Persona Chapter 4
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck
Hello folks, and welcome back for the last installment of this particular crossover. Well, it certainly wasn’t the worst thing I’ve snarked, but it was… well, it was still pretty bad. A festival of “meh”, all told.
I just wish it stopped assuming we were idiots half the time. ‘Cause that seriously gets super annoying after a while.
Anyway, let’s get going, shall we?
So last time, we left off as Yosuke went off to talk to Saki. We’re going to skip that conversation, and we’re going to jump back in with…
“Hahaha, Saki-Senpai says I’m annoying, but she’s even nosier then me,” Yosuke laughed, smiling a little. “She has a younger brother, and she treats me pretty much the same way…”
“Ohhh, you don’t want her treating you like a brother, huh? Haha, I get it…So that’s how it is…” Chie teased mischievously, laughing slightly. “The daughter of a local family-run liquor store and the scion of the invading chain…Hoho, the flame of forbidden love!”
“Wha-!? Dude, it’s not like that!” Yosuke denied, blushing like a tomato.
Ert, please tell me that’s an actual canon conversation.
“Hate to be the bearer of bad news dude, but you might be stuck in the friend zone,” Riku informed him, making Yosuke slump slightly, at the possibility of his obvious crush denying a chance to go out with him.
From what Riku saw a person would have to be blind, deaf, and dumb to not be able to see that Yosuke obviously had a crush on her, and the way that she acted around Yosuke was to much like how would react around a sibling.
Readers Are Stupid Count: 35
Please stop putting the dunce cap on us, fic. It’s not endearing, it’s annoying.
“Oh reaaaaally…Well, I know just the thing to cheer up that lovesick heart of yours,” Chie said, grinning like a Cheshire cat. “You ever hear of the Midnight Channel?”
“The Midnight Channel?” Sora questioned, as Riku merely cocked an eyebrow at Chie curiously.
Ah, yes, the Midnight Channel. Hopefully, Chie’s explanation of how the Midnight Channel works is a good explanation, and not a terrible explanation the way Shirou’s explanation of the Mirror World was?
“Yeah, the rumor is that you’re supposed to look into a TV that’s switched off, alone, exactly at midnight on a rainy night,” Chie explained, making their curiosity grow even more. “While you’re staring at your own image, another person will appear on the screen. And they say that person’s your soulmate.”
Okay, good. Though I also get the feeling that explanation may just be plot regurgitation, given that we all know what happened the last time the author had to explain the universe using his own words…
“What? For a second, I thought you were actually going to say something useful,” Yosuke scoffed, making Chie glare at him. “How can you get so excited over such a childish urban legend like that?”
“Childish, huh?! You don’t believe it, do you!” Chie exclaimed angrily.
Well, I mean, this is the kind of thing you’d see get disproven on Snopes, right?
Ert, please tell me this is plot regurgitation of Persona 4. I know that’s a far cry, but please, I want to know so I’m not overreacting here.
“Of course I don’t! Wait…Try it out…? You haven’t even tried it yourself!? Then again I’m amazed you can even still fall for that kidde crap.”
“Well, it’s raining tonight! Let’s all try it out- then you’ll see!” Chie exclaimed, smirking.
“What do you mean kiddie crap!” Chie asked angrily.
Um, author, I think you us anything like, you know, context?
Riku and Sora watched the two argue and knew that those two were about to come to blows with one another, or a shouting match of some kind, they just hope that they’re wouldn’t be any blood.
And secretly, they also hoped to get out. If only because they didn’t want any hand in treating their readers like idiots.
Anyway, Chie and Yosuke get more at each other, Riku breaks it up by saying it would be awkward for Sora’s uncle to arrest them, and then Yosuke turns it to the murder that happened the day before. He makes an unfunny joke, Chie calls him out on it, Riku and Sora agrees, and then Chie tells them to try it out. And of course…
Before Riku could say anything he heard the ringing of the Mirror World in his ears, and tensed.
Oh hey, it’s time for the Kamen Rider Ryuki elements to come back in! I was wondering when this fic would get tired of regurgitating the plot of Persona 4!
Y’know, now that I think about it, this isn’t really much of a crossover, is it?
No, really, think about what’s been going on in this fic so far. And even across all the installments of this riff, too! If you look at it, the first half of the chapter is basically devoted to either getting to know the Persona 4 characters, or it’s devoted to plot regurgitating Persona 4. Then, the mirror world ringing comes in, and then it’s off to fight via the Kamen Rider: Ryuki way. The only chapter that has been the exception is the first chapter, and that was establishing the status quo for Riku-Stu.
And… well, there just hasn’t been that much actual interaction between the two canons. About the closest we get is that Yui and Riku-Stu both go to the same high school as the other characters of Persona 4, but neither has had any kind of real impact on the other, mostly ‘cause there hasn’t been any real interaction between the two canons.
It’s basically two different stories being told at the same exact time, and the two stories are pretty much independent of each other.
So my point is, Nero Angelo Sparda: this is a crossover. You said so yourself, you placed this in the crossover section, and you know that these are two completely different canons.
You’re aware that, in order for it to be a crossover, there has to be actual interaction between the two canons, right? It’s not defined by a story with two separate plots that are being plot regurgitated in tandem, there is actual interaction!
Like, that would’ve been a good place to start with ideas, right? Like, what would happen if the Persona 4 cast had their own Rider decks, and were also dealing with the Midnight Channel? Maybe that would’ve been a good place to start, instead of taking reader-submitted characters! Sure, it’d be a hell of a clusterfuck of a plot and I doubt many people could pull it off, but it’s at least a wellspring of ideas! Or what if Mirror World somehow tied into the Midnight Channel, and Shirou Kanzaki was wandering the Midnight Channel himself? Again, a clusterfuck of a plot would be involved, but it’s a wellspring for ideas!
But this… This is basically just uninteresting plot regurgitation of the source materials! Both of them! With no interaction between them, and a total recasting of one of them! Sheesh, at least with other crossovers in the Library, there was actual, I dunno, interaction between the two canons that wasn’t some surface-level “person A goes to the same high school as these guys” bullshit? The first Twitanic fic Ghostie ever snarked seemed to get that. My Immortal seemed to get that, batshit insane as it was. Hell, even fucking Quarter Quell understood that, for as batshit insane as the crossover was there!
Here? I’m sorry, but Yui being in the same high school as the others is not enough since, I don’t know, they’re not having any impact on each other’s plotlines!
“Riku, are you okay?” Sora asked.
“Y-Yeah,” Riku answered, stuttering a little. “Listen guys I gotta go, I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”
He quickly grabbed his stuff and stood up from his chair and began walking away, and began running away toward the ringing.
“What do you think came up?” Yosuke asked, wondering what so important that he had to run.
He probably read the narration there and realized what was coming up, and wanted nothing to do with it. And on that note…
Readers Are Stupid Count: 36
“I don’t know,” Sora replied, but she wondered what it was.
“Whatever it is, its gotta be important for him to run off like that,” Chie answered. “We could ask him about it tomorrow, but he better remember to try it out and check out the Midnight Channel.”
And that’s the last we see of the Persona 4 characters. Lucky bastards got to leave the fic early…
Anyway, Riku runs around and hears a man scream, but he isn’t in time to save him. Thus, he runs over to a car door and Henshins his way into Mirror World through that (hey, it’s a reflective surface, and people use cars to enter Mirror World all the time in the series proper, so it’s legit!).
Ryuki wasted no time and walked into the reflection and as soon as he did saw the possible Mirror Monster. The Mirror Monster resembled a large bipedal crab with a large orange shell on its back and legs, and some black as well with a large muscular silver chest with green lines running along it. It had two large orange and silver pincers with a short and stocky head with two large oval–shaped green eyes.
Wait a second…
*runs over to the Kamen Rider Wiki*
Now, let’s see…
*checks the end author’s note*
Wait, so Kamen Rider Scissors isn’t taken yet, huh? So what the fuck is his contract monster doing out in the open?
Yeah, I know, it’s not technically the series. I know that. But you’re also plot regurgitating the series, and if I know Ryuki, the presence of Volcancer here indicates that Kamen Rider Scissors shouldn’t be too far behind. And if that means you’ve just been blindly regurgitating the plot again (which, after checking the Kamen Rider Wiki, I feel is the case since Scissors made his first appearance at this point in the canon), you’re already writing Scissors as if he had a character in his slot. Instead of, you know, waiting for Scissors to have a character in his slot.
Good job, Nero Angelo Sparda: you haven’t even given Scissors’ slot to any of the reader-submitted characters, and already you’re writing them out of character. I say this, mostly since I’m pretty sure that most people wouldn’t submit a corrupt police officer who uses Volcancer to hide his illegal activities. That is a special accomplishment in epic fail.
Here’s a clap for how much you fail at writing characters:
Seriously, why the fuck are you taking reader-submitted characters if you’re going to just regurgitate the plot of this series anyway? If you’re going to do that, you might as well just use the characters from the canon. This is just…
*headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*
Let’s just continue before I get a conniption over how much this story fails not only at being a crossover, but being a different take on Ryuki.
Anyway, Riku-Stu draws his sword, and then the two of them fight a very brief amount. And of course…
It caused Ryuki to stumble from the blows as the crab grabbed him with one of its pincers around his waist and Ryuki screamed as the Mirror Monster tightened the power behind its claws. Ryuki switched his sword
He was about to swing its sword at the Crab Mirror Monster, but attacked from behind and cried out as he was sent flying from the attack, causing him to drop his sword. He quickly looked up and saw three Gigazelles’.
Part of the way through, he forgets more action! Because that is the sign of all good authors, right?
The crab Mirror Monster hissed at him, but before it moved to attack him it stopped. It looked in a direction and ran off, much to Ryuki’s surprise, but he had to put those thoughts aside for now, he had other things to worry about.
Like getting out of this alive.
Why? He didn’t really take too much damage and he hasn’t spent too much time in Mirror World, right? Or was that all detailed in the bit he forgot to write? Because if it vanished into the ether like anything good about this concept, then yeah, I can actually see that.
Anyway, Knight shows up, and then he fights the Gigazelles. He checks on Riku-Stu, and then Riku-Stu is all:
“Why are you helping me?” Ryuki questioned, not trusting him at all.
First of all:
Readers Are Stupid Count: 37
Second, what Keisuke should say: “bitch, do you see those three motherfuckers over there? If you don’t shut your ass up and fight ‘em, my helping you ain’t gonna mean shit, so get off your ass and fight ‘em!”
What he actually says:
“As Riders we are destined to kill one another, but at the moment killing you would make Yui cry,” Knight answered. “I have no intention of hurting her, so long as I can if I can help it. I don’t want to hurt people I care about.”
“So you’re gonna save for last then,” Ryuki stated.
“In a manner of speaking,” Knight replied, as he sheathed his sword.
Granted, they have lengthy conversations like that in the canon, but they didn’t go that long, and they usually saved all that stuff for after the fights!
Anyway, they fight the Gigazelle things, blah blah, they use their Final Vent on these guys, two of them go boom in a tokusplosion, but right as they charge the last Gigazelle…
The last Gigazelle let out a roar at the death of its comrades and Knight and Ryuki to charge toward it, as they got closer they heard a sound that resembled a cannon being fired and the Gigazelle exploded in a blaze of fire.
The explosion sent the two Riders flying back from the blow and the groaned as they hit the ground. They stood up and the two knew that they weren’t alone anymore. There was another Kamen Rider here and he was packing some serious fire power.
For those of you who were wondering why Fraug would refer to Zolda as Kamen Rider Dakka… well, that would be why.
The two were about to look around, but there armor began to disintegrate, causing them to stop and rethink their plans.
“Time’s up again,” Knight said, and Ryuki nodded in agreement. The two wanted to see if they could find the Rider that had dealt with the last Gigazelle, but time was against them.
Good for them. I’d hate to see Zolda get railroaded into being Kitaoka before his slot is filled. I say that since this is the only thing he’s done, and it’s vague enough you could attach any motivation to it, so yeah…
Knight ran toward his Ride Shorter ad quickly got inside to get back to the Mirror that they came from. The only way out of the Mirror World for the Kamen Riders was to go out through the Mirror that they came from, unlike the Mirror Monsters who could go in out anywhere and anytime.
Readers Are Stupid Count: 38
Because readers love being talked to like they have the memory span of an especially stupid goldfish!
Anyway, Riku leaves Mirror World, and then—
‘Why did Keisuke help me?’ Riku wondered. Why would he help him?
Um, yeah, about that:
“As Riders we are destined to kill one another, but at the moment killing you would make Yui cry,” Knight answered.
HE EXPLICITLY TOLD YOU WHY, DUMBASS!
*BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM*
Good Jesus Christ with a side of sardine sauce!
They were fated to kill one another, just like the other Riders were as well, so there was no real reason to get close to the others, since it would only make things more painful in the end, but there were no rules. Shiro never said anything about not forming alliances.
Next time he saw Keisuke he would need to speak with him. Maybe he could have an alliance with another Rider, but he would have to watch his back. If that explosion meant anything then he would want some back against whoever had that much fire power.
Which is a fair enough thought to have. It’s a bit like Hunger Games in that regard: you can form an Alliance. It’ll make things tough later, but nobody’s stopping you now, y’know?
Anyway, we then cut to later, where Riku-Stu is watching the news. He ponders a bit, and then the news turns to the person who found the body from the murder.
Riku knew that he had saw her before around school, but never really bother to learn her name or get to know her, seeing no reason behind it.
Probably because she’s a minor character, and the author didn’t see any reason to do that. I can’t even pin it on his troubled loner tendencies that the author said he had at the beginning, ‘cause by this point he’s pretty much forgotten this guy was a troubled loner at all!
When he saw the news with her on it he knew that she was a student at the school, recognizing the hair, part of the face, and especially the uniform, but he had met her today and learned her name.
‘This is the best that they can do to hide a person’s identity,’ Riku thought, scoffing at the media’s way to hide Saki’s identity. The only thing that they did was put up a thin black line that covered up her face and her nose.
Um, Riku, most news outlets censor faces like this:
At least, most American media does. Ghostie, does it work like that in Japan, too?
“What went through your mind when you saw it?” the reporter questioned. “Could you tell that she was dead? Did you see her face?”
Whoah, reporter, calm down! Seriously, three questions at once? Whatever happened to reporterly decorum?
“Fucking scavengers,” Riku cursed, frowning. He was disgusted by the reporters and how they pretty much interrogated her on the spot.
Oh, right, sorry, I forgot: proper reporter decorum tends to go away when a Gary Stu is in the area. Makes it easier when the Gary Stu gets to be all “you’re a fucking asshole” to them. Carry on.
“U-umm,” Saki stuttered, clearly trying to find the words to say, and her voice was a little altered as well.
“Don’t you think that it was scary that someone was killed on a foggy day?”
Um, don’t you think…
*checks cast list*
Huh. The reporter of this station is to be played by Khalisa Bint-Sinan Al-Jilani.
Um, didn’t she have a moment of sympathy in ME3? ‘Cause I could’ve sworn that happened.
“Huh…? She was killed?” Saki’s altered voice said in surprise, and if it wasn’t for the line he was sure that he would see just that.
I’m skipping the rest of this conversation.
So anyway, the rest of the interview happens, nothing new is learned, blah blah blah, and then we cut to Riku saying this:
‘Homicide, there’s no question to me that it’s definitely Homicide,’ Riku thought. ‘Well technically they’ll be at least five or six more, and there’s a good chance I’ll be one of them.’
Yeah yeah, please do keep establishing shit that’s already been very well established. I’m sure it won’t make us think…
Readers Are Stupid Count: 39
After this, he thinks about the crab monster, and why it didn’t fight him at that point. He ponders long and long about that, and then he takes a shower. When he steps out of the shower, and then he realizes it’s almost midnight, and then he thinks about the Midnight Channel. After some pondering about Chie giving him hell for it, he decides to look at the TV.
He looked at the clock again and saw that it was Midnight. The TV wasn’t on so all he saw was his own reflection. He then sighed as he made his way to the bedroom to sleep, but before he could light came from behind him and he heard a whirring sound and quickly turned round and saw that the TV had turned on somehow and saw static.
‘What the hell,’ Riku thought, wondering how the TV turned on.
Yes, because tension is that thing other authors do, right?
He looked closer and saw a fuzzy image of someone inside brown hair, but couldn’t make it out to well and narrowed his eyes as he walked closer to the TV. He gripped his Advent Deck in hand if it turned out to be a Mirror Monster.
He stared looking around the TV to see if something was wrong with it and his thumb brushed up against the screen, causing it to blackout and ripple, as if he put his finger in a pond of water.
After that he touched the screen with his hand and to his surprise his hand moved into it.
“What the fuck!” Riku exclaimed, staring at his arm, how did his arm go INTO the TV.
Okay, I’ll give him that one. I mean, to enter Mirror World, you either have to be pulled in by a monster, or you have to do the Henshin thing. So yeah, that is a little—
It wasn’t Mirror World that was for sure. He needed to wear the armor in order to go into the Mirror World by himself, the only other way being by being dragged into it by a Mirror Monster.
Yes, author, I just said that, mainly because anyone with two brain cells to rub together would’ve figured this shit out since the first chapter when you explained the rules of the Ryuki universe!
Readers Are Stupid Count: 40
Dear Christ, does this author think we’re twelve or something!? Come on!
But nothing was pulling him in there, per say. He felt like something was pulling the entirety of his hand by the force, and he didn’t hear the ringing that all Mirror Monsters gave of when they attacked.
‘What the hell is going on in this town?!’ Riku roared in his mind.
What else was going in this town besides the Rider War and the Mirror Monsters? What else was coming? Whatever was it wasn’t going to be good, he knew that at least. He just hopped that he could deal with it when it came.
Thankfully, we won’t be around to find out. This fic has been dead fic for a while, and it doesn’t look like there is any intent from the author to resurrect it.
Thank. Fuck. This fic sucks! It’s basically nothing but plot regurgitation of both Kamen Rider Ryuki and Persona 4. And on the Kamen Rider Ryuki bit, he can’t even do it well, because he then tries a full cast reset but then tries to have it both ways by blindly regurgitating Scissors’ appearance! And then there’s the fact that he can’t write characters for shit, and… ugh, this fic is just blah!
It’s still not any worse than The Great Rift, though. This was just bland and boring, whereas The Great Rift is annoyingly pretentious.
But we’ll get to that when we get to that. For now, we’ve got a final author’s note!
So we get the list of people (there really isn’t any change from the last time we saw this list, with the exception that Ryuga now seems to be filled with “revealed later”. He then leaves a submission sheet for anyone else who might want to submit. (Why the hell you’d want to submit a character for the benefit of someone who can’t even write a fucking bit character in-character is beyond me, but I’ve seen stranger things in this world.) He then also leaves this:
Added the pairing because honestly figured why not.
I can think of several reasons why not in this universe, but what the fuck ever, right?
By the way some Riders might get Personas, and based on how they act will determine their arcana and they might replace the Persona 4 Arcana link for Sora.
Oh, good, you did realize there’s supposed to be canon interaction in a crossover. Too little too late, though.
Reason this took so long was because I didn’t get to many subs to help me come up with some ideas.
And there it is right there, folks: the ultimate statement that proves he planned nothing about this fic out in advance.
Nero Angelo Sparda, if you needed to get your readers to come up with ideas for you, then I’m sorry, but your story is already doomed to failure before you’ve even written a single word. I mean, seriously, small details I can get, but you didn’t even have a plot for this thing? Well, that is, any plot that wasn’t regurgitated from the source materials, anyway.
Anyone feel like taking a guess at what Arcana and Yui will have.
What about no?
Now leave a review r a sub and let me know what you think.
I did. I’m still waiting for you to reply, by the way.
Well, seeing as how there’s no more story to snark, that’s easier done than commanded.
And that wraps it up for Kamen Rider Ryuki: A Rider’s Persona, folks! Now, this fic has been dead for a while, but IIRC the author still posts stuff. So if this ever gets updated again, I’ll do this for a quickie. But until then, we’ll consider this snarking finished.
I’ve been Herr Wozzeck. And next week, we get to look forward to finally finish the festival of pretension known as The Great Rift! Whoo!
*gets a DJ*