1204: Call of Retribution – Chapter Three

Title:  Call of Retribution
Author: Fenrir
Media:  Video Game
Topic: Chrono Trigger
Genre:  Drama
URL: Chapter Three
Critiqued by Lyle

Happy Bartolomé Day, everyone!  (ignore the date on that… it’s from last year.)

Anyway, let’s do the recap and jump right into this.  Last time we watched as Crono had a near-panic attack over maybe seeing Marle again, did not see her again, found Lucca, and then went home with her to try to call 2300 AD to talk to Robo, even though Crono doesn’t want anything to do with any of his previous adventure-mates.  Except Marle and Lucca, I guess, since they don’t count.  Because… reasons?

Lucca and Crono recieve a distress call from Robo right when they’re trying to call him and we’re left with Crono feeling a wave of dread that might possibly be from his concern for Robo’s well being, but is most likely from his wangsty feelings about never wanting to see the rest of the group again.  I honestly don’t know.

Chapter 3~

*steals the tilde*

Oh, hey!  The story is completely in bold again!  Who would have guessed that would happen?

“Chrono where are you going?”

From what I’ve learned of him in the last two chapters, he’s running away because he doesn’t want to hero anymore.  Good luck saving Robo, Lucca!  You’re on your own.

“To get the Epoch, what else?”

“This is too dangerous! You must reconsider,”

You guys just defeated Lavos!  He was the Big Bad!  Mother Brain was halfway through the game!  There’s no way you’re not capable of taking her down again!

Chrono halted his quick walk up to Guardia castle, and turned around, his eyes burning. Lucca backed away, having never seen him like this.

Is he about to cry?

“That A.I. robot just gave us a warning, and although I have no idea what he means by it, I’m sure it’s pretty deadly, and I’m not gonna wait around to find out.”

Uhm, I thought you didn’t want any more adventures.  Your actions are speaking a lot louder than your 13-year-old whining did last chapter.  According to your sudden determination to save Robo and the future, you’re all for gallivanting off into time to start hero’ing again.

*smacks Fenrir upside the head*

Consistency between your characters’ actions and their thoughts are not optional!

Lucca seemed taken aback, but remained silent about her suspicions of the situation. Straightening her glasses, she replied, “How do we know for sure that something bad is happening?”

Because Robo just said his mother booted back up and the Black Omen is being suspicious!  Weren’t you listening?!  It’s pretty damn clear something bad is happening!  You guys have the Epoch.  It’ll take you five minutes to boot it up and zap to 2300AD.  If it was a false alarm, it’ll take you another five to get back home.  What’s the harm in a quick trip to Robo-Time to double-check?

Chrono seemed to steadily avoid her hard gaze and answered, “The Mother Brain is up and running, you know the one that tried to reprogram Robo to kill us? Is that evil enough for you?”

Turning abruptly he dashed off towards the woods, in a panic. Lucca sighed then went to follow.

*checks the script*  The part of Lucca’s brain will be played by a potato.

Welp, that explains why she sees nothing wrong with Robo’s emergency transmission!  Sweet Mother Jeebus, why is she reluctant to find out if Robo is right?  If this author was actually good at this, I’d say Lucca is secretly behind this for [reasons divulged later in an epic plot twist] but it’s obvious the author isn’t good at this and is just trying to add in tension when it isn’t needed.  An emergency transmission from the future is tension enough without Reluctant Sidekick added in.  He should be playing off that instead of stalling the action with Lucca’s misplaced caution.

“I know something is up I can feel it!” Chrono yelled back as he jumped over roots and large stones, following the winding path to the castle.

Koori:  That’s what she said.

GAH!

GAH!

“Wait Chrono!” Lucca called out, suddenly stopping. There was no answer as she realised her friend did not hear or care. Frowning, she turned back and slowly stumbled away.

What?  Why is she going with him?  Robo was one of her best friends in the game; I’d think if anyone was rearing to go rescue him, it would be her.

Meanwhile Chrono emerged from the dark forest, huffing, and he made his way up to the front gates. The guards stiffly looked at him, but let him through. The familiar drone of instrumental music filled his ears as he debated on which way to go. Then without deciding, the wooden doors to the throne room opened slowly and a small, frail robed man stood there, with a quiet look.

You spend a decent amount of time in Guardia Castle.  I know that, realistically, it’s got to be larger than the area you get to run around in, but Crono would be familiar enough with the castle to know which way he needed to go once he entered.

“Please I need to see the king.”

“He is an extremely busy man…”

“Just for a second! It’s urgent!” Chrono pleaded.

“I happen to know what happened while I was missing….you were taken on trial for kidnapping, branded a thief and criminal by law…”

I’m guessing this is the chancellor he’s talking to.  If he knew what happened while he had been kidnapped, then he’d also know that the king issued Crono a full pardon for saving the world.

Chrono saw his chance to speak with the king fading away. He frowned sadly.

Wait, when did the king get there?

“But I happen to know that you did rescue me from being prisoner by Yakra. Without you I’d be dead.”

So it is the chancellor.  How is Crono looking at the king, then?

Chrono looked up fearfully.

*smacks Fenrir upside the head again*

Crono’s reactions are not realistic!  He would not look fearfully at the chancellor when the chencellor says “You saved my life.”

The Chancellor smiled a bit.” And I also know you are close with Princess Nadia herself. You need not see the king, you may see her…”

Marle is the princess and, while her father may value her opinion, she has no say in the ruling of the country.  Crono comes in with urgent news for the king, not for Marle.  While she’ll most likely be needed in the rush to 2300AD (you’d be stupid for not taking your healer) saying “you can see the princess instead” is like being told that the CEO is busy, so a shift supervisor will have to do.  You can tell them, but if the information is important to the CEO, then you’ll both probably have to go talk to him and you’ll have wasted your time talking to the supervisor.

With that, the man glided back into the throne room. Chrono sighed with relief, and tried to ignore the fact that he had a chance to see Marle. But he couldn’t do it. Time seemed to be against him and in his gut crept an awful feeling. He knew he was so close to her…so close to get to her, to see her, but, there were more important things to do than to stare at a princess. She probably was busy with her studies anyway. Only time to move on.

What is he internally blathering about?  He’s been told by the chancellor to go talk to Marle about whatever he came to the palace for, but he won’t do it because… he’s running out of time?

You have a fucking time machine!  You literally have all the time in the world!

Instead of racing up to the throne room, Chrono dashed right, smiled sweetly at the guards and ran up the stairs. Up up he went, quickly heading for the gusty battlefield that had marked the battle of the Dragon Tank where he and Lucca busted him up. The bridge had been repaired now, and the tower wing on the opposite side had served a resting place for the Epoch. He crossed the bridge with ease and jumped into the tower. It was dimly lit with candles and a low humming was heard. Frantically he looked around. A monitor was sitting at a wooden desk speaking to a heavily armed guard.

So instead of insisting he sees the king after going all that way to see the king, and refusing to go see Marle, even though he spent all the previous chapter pining over the time when he’d get to see her again and was given the perfect opportunity to see her, he runs off to the Epoch in order to… what?  Go into the future by himself to face whatever problem Robo is having?

They looked up and cast him dark glares. “I’m sorry, but no admittance is allowed by people other than His highness-“

Did the king confiscate the Epoch?  Because, from what I understood, it belonged to Crono.  At the very least, Lucca should have access to it as she’s quite literally the only person in their time that understands how to maintain it.

“Hold your tongue!”

Chrono slowly turned around, as he realised his heart was racing. That voice had chilled his blood.

Marle.

I honestly cannot tell if Crono wants to see Marle or if she terrifies the shit out of him.  I’m getting a shit ton of mixed signals from how he’s being written.

He breathed in deeply, not expecting her, but glad that he was near her, where he could stare into her eyes. The feeling was so intense for him, he had to look away.

So he’s… glad to see her.  Why did his blood go cold, then?  That implies terror.

“Please let me escort my friend in, we will do no harm,” She commanded sharply, eyeing the guards with a snotty look. They seemed torn on what to say.

I doubt she would have told them “Please.”  She would give them an order and if they refused, she’d go all Princess-Mode on them.

“B-but P-rincess, if your father-“

“Oh I’ll be long gone by then!” Marle retorted, in a way that Chrono wished she’d not say anything more.

It would be nice if we actually understood what Crono’s brain means by this.

The guards simply nodded. They were sweating heavily.

Marle gave Chrono a familiar curt smile and walked up to him. He stuttered to say something.

“Something goin’ on that I should know about?” She asked softly her eyes shining with adventure.

Chrono put his head to one side and muttered more harshly than he intended,” It might be too dangerous for you.”

*balls hands into fists and slams them onto the desktop*

Marle helped you defeat Lavos!  She lead the party when you were fucking dead!   She might be a princess but she’s a crack shot with a cross bow, one of the most powerful magic users in the party, and has more courage in her pinky toe than you do in your entire body, you asshat!  She kept everyone together, gave them hope, and kicked a lot of ass in the process!  Where the ever-living-fuck did this misogyny come from?!

Her mouth fell open and Chrono waited to be slapped. When she didn’t move, she insisted “I was right there beside you all the way. I am going with you.”

Exactly!  Although you should have slapped him.

He knew she wouldn’t budge. Now he knew how her father felt.

Really?  Her father thought she hated him.  I’m pretty sure this is a different feeling.

Nothing more was said, as Marle lead him past the guards and through a series of winding hallways and staircases.

“I thought this thing was over,” Marle commented in disgust as she looked over her shoulder.

What thing?  The adventuring?  You were just looking all adventuresome!  Why are you disgusted now?  If you mean the “Lavos” thing, how would you know it’s now over?  Crono hasn’t told you what’s going on yet.

“Yeah I know,”

Further in, the guards seemed to appear less and less. No one stopped them, so the two broke out into a run.

“hey Marle…”Chrono began, feeling his determination to travel to 2300Ad drain away.

Crono is flakier than a Pillsbury croissant.

“SHHH!”

“What?”

Marle stopped him as she stood with her neck craned. She seemed to be listening to something. Chrono stopped too, listening hard.

“You hear that?” Marle asked in a shaky tone.

Before he had a chance to hear or even reply, Lucca came bounding into sight, her arms full with objects. Chrono let out a laugh and Marle wiped away the sweat on her forehead.

So, if Crono was stopped by the guards and Marle had to get him past them, how did Lucca get through?  And how in the world did she get home, grab an armful of shit, and catch up to them so quickly?

“You gave me one hell of a fright!” She squealed as Lucca pulled up beside them.

Lucca nodded and handed Chrono a long samurai sword.

“W-what?” he stammered, looking at it uneasily as if he was scared to use it.” Surely you don’t think…”

Why does she have his sword?  And why didn’t he have it in the first place? Crono comes equipped with a sword; it’s assumed he has one on him as a regular thing.

“You convinced me,” Was all Lucca said. She handed Marle the shining cross bow she had last used, then pulled out her own gun, the Wondershot.

Why does Lucca have ALL THE WEAPONS?!  Is she building an armory?!  Seems unlike her.  Her after-story involves building an orphanage not an arsenal.

Voices were then heard, and the three looked at each other nervously.

“Come on!” Chrono ordered, leading the way down the hallway.

All three of them ran as fast as they could, now ignoring the fact they were probably heard and being followed by guards, sent there by Marle’s father.

I’ve noticed that when dialogue is added to the story, the purple goes away.

“Hurry! He might catch us, we have to get outta here!” Marle screamed. Chrono detected a tone in her voice that seemed to make her desperate to get away.

Really?  Her screaming that they need to leave gives you the impression she wants to leave?  I never would have made that connection.

He thought Marle would be happy, back at the castle as a princess, but them again, she never was even before he met her. He was glad to run free with her again.

And yet he didn’t want to see any of his old friends again because it would involve running around being heroes.  But he’s so glad he can run around with her.  I just… does this author not realize he’s making Crono look like he’s the king of indecision?

They bounded into a large, damp room that smelled of machinery and various chemicals. There was a shout from many of the engineers and lab workers

alice-face-palm-featured

*silently wheels out the chalkboard and picks up the chalk*

1.)  While the prison was dank and drippy when Crono was imprisoned there, to store the Epoch in similar conditions is ridiculous.  You don’t want to put a piece of high-tech machinery in a dank and drippy environment, unless you want to invite corrosion, mildew, and rust.

2.)  Lucca and Taban are the only people in that era that have the knowledge to play with the Epoch.  1000 AD did not have engineers and “lab workers” suitable for such a job.  Engineers of 1000 AD would have been the kind that build bridges and boats, not time machines.

3.)  Why are they storing chemicals in the same place as the Epoch?!

As the three rushed in to behold the Epoch, sitting in the middle of the large, dark room. No one was in it, but it seemed the Epoch was being monitored and studied.

What happened as they ran up?

“Hey! No admittance! Not even by the Princess herself!”

Crono owns the fucking Epoch!  It doesn’t belong to the crown!

Marle raised her bow and squinted with anger filled eyes as she snarled, “Now that’s not a way to treat a lady!”

You’re not a lady.  You’re a princess.  It’s a very different rank.

Many workers froze in fear, and dropped whatever they were doing to turn and look at her with pleading eyes. A large man, pressumingly a blacksmith, walked out of the shadows and grunted, “She wont shoot!”

A blacksmith.  They’ve hired a blacksmith to tinker with a fucking time machine!

“Oh yeah? Then you don’t know Her Highness or any of us!” Lucca snapped, revealing her gun. The man froze and eyed the gun carefully.

“Chrono! Get in the Epoch, we’ll hold them off!” Marle cried, still pointing her bow menacingly.

“Right!” Chrono dashed off, flashing his sharp blade around, and no one said anything.

Is he just slashing at the air while he runs around?  What the hell?

One man wailed, “No please we need to study it!” Many protests started to ring out but nobody dared to move. Marle and Lucca remained firm.

Because… why?  Because you’re scientists that have been pulled from the author’s ass?

As for Chrono, he started to move quickly throughout the room, jumping up on the silent craft and almost feeling relieved to have control over it once again. The King had ordered it to be locked away and tested, but if anyone knew it’s ability to jump time, that’d be it.

The king knows it’s a time machine!  Holy fucking damn.  It’s been a long time since I’ve read a story where the author has totally missed the mark on end-game information.

He opened the latch with great difficulty, and stood up to go inside, when he heard a shuffling noise behind him. Swinging around swiftly, he used a one-handed

sword motion to turn and face his enemy.

How did Random Enemy get up on the Epoch so quickly behind him?

“Ah-h-h! He’s serious!” A feeble man cried as Chrono pressed the blade gently against his throat. Muttering harshly, Chrono threatened him and the man backed down and ran against the wall. Then, Chrono stood up, a bit hunched over to crawl in the craft.” Lucca! Marle! We’re outta here!” He yelled, getting in from the top. With a quick motion he fell into the front seat and started the controls.

Did the man behind him fall off the craft then run to the wall?  Because if he was behind Crono, he was on the Epoch.

Lucca and Marle made their way to him slowly, walking back to back and lowering their weapons. One outraged scientist jumped at them but Lucca did a quick reflex and shot him with a poisoned dart from her gun. He howled in pain as Lucca growled, “Be glad I didn’t shoot with my lasers!” She let out a devilish laugh but remained solemn when Marle appeared to be freaked out all the same.

Lucca just shot an unarmed scientist with a poisoned dart.  What the actual fuck?!

Reaching the opened Epoch, the minute the two climbed up, the craft started to lurch and jolt into laugh as Chrono typed in commands. They jumped into the two back seats and almost immediately everyone against the wall and around the room rushed for the craft and the three in. Too late. Chrono had already closed the latch and sat looking out at the livid men who began to pound and kick the Epoch and try to attack them. But as Chrono gripped the controls and the ship began to float up in the air, many baffled and surprised bodies backed away, afraid of the ship and it’s occupants. Bidding farewell silently to Guardia 1000AD, he and his friends magically rocketed away and disappeared.

Breaking through the wall of the laboratory and causing the structural integrity to fail, burying all those random NPCs under rubble.  Which brings up another question: How did they get the Epoch INTO that room in the first place?  Technically, you can zap through time without ever moving the Epoch, but then the “scientists” would realize it was a teleporter of some sort, and this author has already stated that they know nothing about the Epoch.  And this author said they “rocketed away” before vanishing, meaning they moved the Epoch first.

Well, that nonsensical paragraph is the last one in this chapter.  Thank goodness.  I’ll see you all next week!

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5 Comments on “1204: Call of Retribution – Chapter Three”

  1. Tie Dye Mage says:

    *checks the script* The part of Lucca’s brain will be played by a potato.

    Alsom, the part of Chrono will be played by a 10 year old with ADD.

  2. TacoMagic says:

    Time seemed to be against him and in his gut crept an awful feeling.

    What the fuck are you talking about!? You have a-

    You have a fucking time machine! You literally have all the time in the world!

    Uh, yeah… that.

  3. TacoMagic says:

    She kept everyone together, gave them hope, and kicked a lot of ass in the process!

    Not to mention she convinced Magus that maybe he was wrong and that he should be helping out instead of being a dick. Not exactly a small accomplishment getting into a contest of wills with Magus and winning.


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