1198: The Prayer Ponies: Charity’s Adventure – Chapter Two

Title: The Prayer Ponies: Charity’s Adventure
Author: Ebony Brown
Media: TV Shows
Topic: My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic
Genre: Spiritual/Friendship
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Margolias 

(Hey Guys, it’s Herr here. Ert decided he needed a break after all the rape triggers he’s been needing to put in is fics as of late. Seriously, I wouldn’t want to deal with rape as written by people who don’t understand the weight of the topic either. So I’ll be putting this up. Enjoy! -Herr)

Hel-lo, Library patrons! I hope life has been treating you well. It hasn’t for me. Seems like the DRD is an actual thing and they’re currently after me at the moment… I think one of them bit me! Is that supposed to happen? Well, no matter. I’m currently holed up in a broom closet somewhere deep in the building, where those… those little Daleks hopefully can’t find me.

Anyway, during the previous chapter, we’re introduced to Charity, a (in her own words) “good Christian pony” who moves to Ponyville from, I don’t know, Ry’leh? The innermost circle of Hell? New Jersey? We really don’t know anything about her except fot the fact that she’s a fanatical borderline Knight Templar, come to think of it… We don’t even know what she looks like! For all we know, she could be the pony equivalent of Slender Man!

Right, getting off track, sorry. The first pony she meets is Twilight Sparkle, whom she instantly converts on the spot despite the book horse never even hearing about Christianity until that point. Twilight, who’s lost a few hundred IQ points in this fanfic, decides to Indoctri- I mean, helpfully convert Princess Celestia into the Collectiv- I mean, Christianity. Dear me, I seem to be developing a speech impediment. Ahem. It then turns out that, surprise surprise, Princess Celestia is evil, and she banishes the two of them to some forest where the tree people from Lord of the Rings attack them.

Let’s continue from where we left off, shall we?

Attack of the Evil Trees

While Twilight Sparkle started to cry like a little baby panicking, Charity knelt down to pray, knowing that God would come to her aid. She stared at Twilight Sparkle and told her to join her.

One sentence in, and I already wish to vomit. Yes, Twilight Sparkle, the archmage and princess of Equestria, who has faced gods and tyrants and monsters and cults, can’t gather her wits and find a way out of this comparatively milder situation. Don’t you love it when fanfic writers completely defile everything a canon character is? Oh, Ebalmy, never change.

Obediently, Twilight Sparkle followed Charity into prayer as the evil trees began to approach them. Someone had done some evil Satan magic on them to cause them move.

Yes Twilight, obey the sue. You’re just a flawed canon character who doesn’t even know any better! Let Charity take the lead! She knows best! She ALWAYS knows best! She’s the wisest pony to ever exist, don’t you know. Well, aside from Jesus, because that would be blasphemy.

This was most likely Princess Celestia, but Charity decided that it could be anyone and choose to not make any conclusions yet.

Yes yes, let’s not blame the pony who quite literally turned into a demon before your very eyes. That would be ridiculous!

…I am currently resisting the urge to bash my head against the wall.

“God, I pray for you now to help us in our time of need. We are in danger – our enemies are approaching us quickly – and I do not think we will be able to stop them by ourselves. We ask you to give us strength and power to defeat these wicked spirits,” they both prayed as loudly as possible so that God could hear them – he is a busy person looking after lots of people so they needed to get his attention.

I’m now reminded of children who throw tantrums in order to get their parent’s attention. Which to be honest, is an apt comparison, considering who we’re talking about.

My question is this: why can’t you do something about this yourself. For a moment, let’s drop the disbelief that Twilight immediately believed in everything Charity told her and that she refuses to use her magic; why don’t you at least try to run away? I mean, I don’t think praying is gonna do anything. God’s not really into the whole “Divine Intervention” thing nowadays, so you’re probably screwed if you don’t at least do something for your self.

A voice coming from the heavens spoke to them – giving them comfort and strength – saying, “My dear children, I will bless you with some holy strength so that you can defeat these evil spirits. I give you power that no evil witch could ever defeat – not even Princess Celestia, who has cursed my name many times by doing wicked things. Now go a defeat them.” His holy present gave both Charity and Twilight Sparkle the strength to defeat the demonic trees.

*Rumble* What… was that? *peeks out of the closet* Did… did the two ‘defeat’s count as redundancy? Hm… I’ll just… *pulls out a sledgehammer*

“I command – in the name of Jesus Christ – that you to leave this realm at once. I banish you from this universe, and you will go back to the depths where you belong,” Charity yelled with all her strength. Twilight Sparkle joined in by saying the same thing that Charity has said, but she was not as powerful since she was not an expert at getting rid of demons compared to Charity, who had many years of experience.

Again, the archmage who’s fought literal gods can’t possibly take care of herself, now can she? No, she needs Charity Sue- who’s now inexplicably a seasoned demon hunter- to take care of her!

Oh, and that whole demon hunter thing? That’s all the backstory Charity will get, and it will never be mentioned again. Isn’t it just fantastic when Mary Sues are such non-entities in the stories that focus on them?

The demon trees – the scary faces staring at these holy beings – then burst into flames, screaming as they went into the depths of hell. Charity prayed over the ashes, making sure that the demons won’t ever return – we do not want any demons to return.

Well, bursting into flames is a natural reaction to meeting a Sue/Stu, soooo…

*RUMBLE* What the-!? Wait… Two ‘returns! Hnnnnggg… When will this chapter be over with?

After leaving the forest, Twilight Sparkle decided to get Charity to meet her best friends – Rainbow Dash and Applejack. So they went to the farm where Applejack was picking apples from a tree – listening to her iPod, since it was an apple product as well – and Rainbow Dash was helping her.

Haha, get it? It’s funny because Ipods are made by Apple and Applejack’s entire personality is apple. How clever Ebroly is.

Oh, and what of the other members of the Mane Six? Are they not also your best friends?

And don’t even bother mentioning that your ruler is apparently an evil, demonic being who tried to kill you or anything. Not like that’s important.

“Come and met my new friend,” Twilight Sparkle said happily, trotting up to Applejack, who was now looking at Charity, wondering who the new pony was. “This is Charity and she has introduced me to a really cool thing.”

“It’s called Indoctrination! ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL.”

“Wow,” said Applejack – moving towards Charity to examine her – before asking a question, “What are you talking about?”

“I am talking about Christianity and the awesomeness of Jesus Christ!” Twilight Sparkle said proudly. “I just converted today!” This comment caused Applejack to become irritated – Rainbow Dash turned his head, wondering what was going on.

Would it be too much to hope that they became aware that they were trapped in an awful conversion fic?

“There will be none of that nonsense here,” Applejack said honestly.

Have… have my prayers been answered?

Oh, and notice that clever little joke there? Applejack, being honest? It’s funny because she represents the concept of honesty!

Ahem, anyway, and here’s yet another Chick Trope: The Unreasonable Hostile! It’s when a character, when speaking to a person who belongs to whatever religion the author is pushing, becomes an unreasonable asshole to them. It seems too stem from the ridiculous persecution complex they have. That is not to say that there isn’t persecution towards religion, though. The complex is usually completely misdirected.

“But I thought you were Missouri? I thought everyone there were Christians,” asked Twilight Sparkle.

No, Twilight, I’m fairly certain that Applejack isn’t the state of Missouri. Look, I know that meeting Charity has eradicated a sizeable portion of your brain cells, but this is ridiculous!

“Well… I am an Atheist and my boyfriend Rainbow Dash is one too. Now I will ask you to go before I ring the police,” Apple demanded. Charity and Twilight Sparkle decided that it was not worth annoying them – they did not want to get arrested. They went back to Twilight Sparkles house to work out their next plan in converting Ponyville to Christianity.

Hold on a minute… boyfriend? BOYFRIEND? I am very sorry to inform you of this, but Rainbow Dash is in fact a female. I’d wonder if you thought otherwise but I already know why you made the choice to genderbend her. I know that you were involved with your cousin’s incredibly bigoted fanfic. I know you’re homophobic as all get out, and that your knowledge of MLP:FiM is limited to a select few characters, so I suppose that utilizing Rule 63 was the only option available to you. Because God forbid you ship two characters f the same sex, right?

Next thing: I know that there are people in the middle east that are murdered for being Christian, but exactly WHERE in the United States are Christians routinely discriminated against? And before anyone says anything, I’m pointing out how Eggroy is treating Equestria like it’s the US.

Third thing: Could you at least TRY and sound like you aren’t supervillains? Honestly, all this talk of conversion makes me think you’re the Borg, or the Cybermen, or the Reapers, even! Would it kill you to act like you have something resembling humanity?

*RUMBLE RUMBLE* Okay, you know what? I’m leaving before whatever’s causing that rumbling finds me, so I’ll see you all next time. Bye! *Runs out of the closet, screaming incoherently*

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60 Comments on “1198: The Prayer Ponies: Charity’s Adventure – Chapter Two”

  1. AdmiralSakai says:

    My GOD. She made another…

  2. AdmiralSakai says:

    Someone had done some evil Satan magic on them to cause them move.

    As opposed to… evil, but non-Satanic magic? Or is there also good Satanic magic available?

  3. AdmiralSakai says:

    Now go a defeat them

    Great, so apparently the Almighty sounds similar to Mario. “Thou shalt-a not-a kill-a…

  4. AdmiralSakai says:

    I give you power that no evil witch could ever defeat – not even Princess Celestia, who has cursed my name many times by doing wicked things.

    “Such as turning off mine TiVo when I hath specifically told her to keep it on that I may record the new Mythbusters. Seriously, what thy fuck, I hath told thee two score and ten times to leaveth it thy fuck alone.”

  5. AdmiralSakai says:

    we do not want any demons to return.

    Yeah, I hear you. They always “forget” the original packaging, demand a cash refund, then make a huge scene and insist on seeing your manager when you tell them it ain’t gonna happen.

  6. AdmiralSakai says:

    “But I thought you were Missouri? I thought everyone there were Christians,” asked Twilight Sparkle.

    And then Applejack said “I must fight the Christians” and then a voice said “No, Applejack, you are the Christians”. And then Applejack was Missouri.

  7. AdmiralSakai says:

    Hold on a minute… boyfriend? BOYFRIEND? I am very sorry to inform you of this, but Rainbow Dash is in fact a female. I’d wonder if you thought otherwise but I already know why you made the choice to genderbend her. I know that you were involved with your cousin’s incredibly bigoted fanfic. I know you’re homophobic as all get out, and that your knowledge of MLP:FiM is limited to a select few characters, so I suppose that utilizing Rule 63 was the only option available to you. Because God forbid you ship two characters f the same sex, right?

    More importantly, why are you shipping them?

    Why?
    Really, why? It adds nothing to the story and makes no logical sense.

    • Herr Wozzeck says:

      This is a fanfic we’re talking about that was written after The Prayer Warriors. What else were you expecting?

    • Margolias says:

      AppleDash is a popular pairing in the fandom. Methinks she just couldn’t resist it but couldn’t reconcile it with her narrow world view, so she made RD a guy.,

  8. The Crowbar says:

    Obediently, Twilight Sparkle followed Charity into prayer

    Must…

    Resist…

    Urge…

    To kill…

    IT’S NOT WORKING! *The Crowbar picks up a Crowbar and starts whacking everything in his reach with reckless abandon*

  9. AdmiralSakai says:

    I still think the ‘fic is better if you find-and-replace “Charity” with “Cthulhu” every time her name is mentioned.

  10. The Crowbar says:

    Yes yes, let’s not blame the pony who quite literally turned into a demon before your very eyes

    I am still extremely upset about the fact that she turned Celestia into some evil Satan-like thingie.

  11. The Crowbar says:

    I’m now reminded of children who throw tantrums in order to get their parent’s attention. Which to be honest, is an apt comparison, considering who we’re talking about.

  12. The Crowbar says:

    “It’s called Indoctrination! ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL.”

    Oh, fuck me!

    *Slams Herr headfirst into a wall and throws him into a Shark Jump Tank while he’s still dazed*

  13. The Crowbar says:

    Rainbow Dash turned his head

    his

    What.

  14. GhostCat says:

    “Well… I am an Atheist and my boyfriend Rainbow Dash is one too. Now I will ask you to go before I ring the police,” Apple demanded.

    Wow, that escalated quickly. Twilight barely mentions Christianity and Applejack immediately threatens to call the police to … I’m not really sure why this is a threat.

  15. leobracer says:

    You know, I’ve had this weird idea in my head where a Catholic Missionary from modern day Earth travels to Equestria tp spread the word of God, in a non violent way. He gets support from both sides of the gateway between worlds to spread the word.

    Said Catholic Missionary also has a brother, who is a homosexual, and he fully supports his brother’s marriage to another man, and at no point does he consider his brother’s homosexuality a sin.

    Oh, and in this idea, the Pope and Celestia have tea together, and have a very civil conversation regarding faith and worship.

    Of course, I would write it, but I have very conflicting feelings about it, largely because I’m an atheist. And to be honest, I really don’t give a damn about religion, unless its brought up in politics.

    • I dunno, it seems like a reasonable thing for religious figures to do, but “both sides talked things over like rational, sapient beings and came away understanding each other a little more without anyone getting shot, stabbed, or blown up” doesn’t sound like much of a story.
      I mean, I could use my influence to lobby the Primarch and Commissariat through official channels to peacefully disengage from the Council and pursue a separate detente with the humans… but assassinating people is so much more fun.

  16. infinity421 says:

    The Prayer Ponies.

    Because there wasn’t enough Prayer Warriors stuff out there already.

  17. SuperFeatherYoshi says:

    https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11528187/2/Operation-Angry-Gods
    Is there someone with knowledge of Percy Jackson series and/or operation of police and military forces? This story NEEDS to be torn apart.


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