1197: Call of Retribution – Chapter Two

Title:  Call of Retribution
Author: Fenrir
Media:  Video Game
Topic: Chrono Trigger
Genre:  Drama
URL: Chapter Two
Critiqued by Lyle

Hello, my dears!  Guess what?  I got married two days ago.  Yup.  And as you read this, I’ll be on my honeymoon.  So if you notice I’m absent from the comment sections for a couple weeks, that’s why.  Mr. Lyle and I finally made it official.  And I’m at Disney World having a fucking blast pretending to not be an adult.

Now that I got that part out of the way, let’s recap what happened last time.  After wading through paragraphs composed of purple that, I think, tried to set a festival scene at Leene Square, Crono’s mom woke him up and he turned into a bitchy 13-year-old.  He also hates his fellow heroes because [404: Reason Not found].

I hope we find some plot this chapter.  I don’t know if I can stand a second chapter of purple nothingness.

Chapter 2: Retribution Chapter 3

Still haven’t figured out how to number, I see.

Chapter 2~

Awww, we’re not doing the “Scenario” thing anymore?  *eyes her “Worst Case Scenario Guide Book: Fanfic Edition*  Ah, hell.  Why not?  *opens it and reads*

“Scenario Two: What to do when your fanfic author is purplier than Barney the Dinosaur.”  Oooo, this might be helpful if last chapter was any indication.

“Out to find Lucca?”

“I see you finally remembered her name,”

“Uh-huh, ok you be careful!”

“Yeah alright mom,”

How lovely: unattributed dialogue.  I just love that.  I can only assume this is Crono and his mother.  Crono’s mom couldn’t remember the name of his “inventor friend” in the game, but that was a game mechanic to get you to name Lucca.  Like most all early RPG’s, before the technology allowed game developers to insert real voice actor sound clips, you had the option of changing your characters’ names.  Honestly, it’s something I miss about the newer games where you character HAS to be named “Blahblahblah” because that’s what all the voice-acted cut-scenes use when they refer to them.

Anyway, I see we’re sticking with bold-facing the whole damn thing.

Lucca. Aside from being Crono’s best friend, she was a super genius at repairing broken devises, and inventing the most notorious objects you could think in league with a brain had its advantages. She was a natural sucker for repairing and tinkering with her own brand of “toys”.She would probably gladly miss the opportunity of the festival to play around with her home-made robot.

The author spelled Crono right!  *points*  See it?

This is a lot less purple than the last chapter.  The grammar is still horrible, but at least I don’t feel as ill reading it.

But Chrono knew the celebration would be a good one, even though he was still aching a bit from the gruesome long battle he had fought a week ago.

And we’re back to spelling it incorrectly.  It was nice while it lasted.  *sigh*

I’m assuming that the “gruesome long battle” is the boss fight with Lavos.  If you’re not prepared going into that, it can definitely take along time to beat him.  I tend to level to the point of it being ridiculous, though, so the final boss fight takes half the time or less than it would normally.

But he couldn’t tell his mother that….

He couldn’t tell his mother that the celebration would be a good one?  Why not?  Is she anti-fun?

He was dressed in a simple laid back outfit and all ready to go by this time, so Chrono grabbed his blue spring jacket and set off for the fairgrounds, which were very close next door. After all, his heart was pounding to get a glimpse of who might be there.

While there is a fine line between describing an outfit and clothing porn, give me something more than “a laid back outfit.”  Google tells me Crono is dressed like this:

c7ea5575bd16a0cf21b426157597872f

…I actually would love those boots.

Anyway, why is his heart pounding in anticipation?  Who does he expect to see there?  I bet it’s Gato.

tumblr_m4rxo4BTmB1qepij6o1_500

Hurrying off to the market streets, he ran onto the rubble road that led up to Leene Square. That wasn’t very far. As he looked up, he noticed brightly coloured balloons flying up into the sky. He smiled.

Oh, come now.  Guardia is much more civilized than to just leave broken buildings strewn across the road.  This isn’t 2300 AD!

Amazingly the showground weren’t too crowded yet, although it was busier than usual and Chrono could sense the anticipation building. Some of the races and tracks were going, with many sightsee-ers and tourists standing around the fences,

Oops, we’re back to the odd formatting issues.  What is it with CT fics and weird formatting?

Despite all this anticipation that Crono is feelling, I can’t help but yawn and hope he gets on with it already.

cameras flashing. Voices, shouts, laughs and cheery music were all that filled Chrono’s ears. He passed many of the fun filled tents and passed many carnival-like games and many sidestands and buffet tables set up along the crowded sides.

*smacks Fenrir with the stolen thesaurus*  There were no cameras in Chrono Trigger’s 1000 AD!

After taking all the action in, Chrono began to side-step people all around him, careful not to miss one attraction of game, though he felt no urge to stop and needed to see someone more important. He needed to get the second level of the Square, where the ceremony and speeches were being held by King Guardia.

So, Crono made sure not to miss any of the attractions even though he didn’t stop to take in any of the attractions.

*smacks Fenrir again*  This is why you shouldn’t just vomit your brain-words all over a word processor!  That makes abso-fucking-lutely no sense.  You’ve managed to contradict yourself!

That’s where she’d be.

Well, hello there, random sentence not in bold-face.  I’m guessing he’s looking for Marle since she’d most likely be with the king as they’ve reconciled their rocky relationship by the end of the game.

Dashing up the steps, Chrono had to come to a halt due to the wall of people

crowded around the little area, where the presentation and speeches of history were about to take places.

Speeches of history?  I didn’t come all this way to the fair to hear a lecture about the 1914 world war.  The hell is this shit?

It was much too noisy for Chrono’s liking, yet he did the best he could to see what was going on.

Overhead the Leene Bell still rang deeply, yet not so much as loud .Around the archway where the tolling bell hung, a few Guardia soldiers lingered about. His pulse quickened.

Why?  Is he afraid he’s going to be arrested?  If this is happening a week after Lavos was defeated then the king already knows that Crono didn’t really kidnap his daughter.  He has nothing to fear from the royal guard.

Now, I don’t really know physics very well, and correct me if I’m wrong, Taco, but if the bell is ringing as deeply as it did before, it wouldn’t be any quieter, right?  That just doesn’t sound plausible.

Muttering brief “excuse me”s Chrono elbowed and inched his way through the thick crowd until it opened around the archway area, where various devices were set up, and cords were draped along everywhere. They led to one secluded tent.

*frowns*  Cords are draped everywhere and lead into a tent?  The fuck is going on?

Crossing over a velvet rope, Chrono looked around eagerly. A couple guards gave him hard stares but remained silent. Many people, including children, started demanding why a stranger was allowed to pass through the ropes without permission.

A stranger?  You serious?  Crono grew up in that village.  Everyone knows him.

Chrono ran into the nearby tent without hesitation wanting to avoid the watchful eyes of the steady guards. He pulled a flank of fabric over the doorway.

Welcome back, Inigo.

I do not think that means what you think it means.

I’m seriously doubting that this author’s first language is English.  Mistaking “flap” with “flank” is too weird for a native speaker, even one who is obviously overusing their thesaurus.

Looking around he found Lucca crouched behind what looked liked an amplifier. She had a screw driver in her mouth and her short chin-length hair was pushed behind her ears, with a pencil. She bore an intense, deep look in her eyes that told Chrono she was seriously busy.

*frowns*

If Lucca is obviously busy, why is she using a pencil to push her hair back?

*picks up a pencil.  Attempts to use it to push her shoulder-length hair behind her ears*

See?  While you can push it back with a pencil, what keeps in in place is actually your ears.  I’m thinking this is what the author was trying to get across:

index

The problem with how the author worded it, though, is that it implies the pencil is doing something about the hair.  A pencil behind the ear is for storage of the pencil, not for containing annoying strands of hair.

“Need help?” He asked with a lazy-eyed smile.

Lucca seemed not to of noticed him for she let out a yelp, tossing her head back as the tool fell to the floor with a clatter.

“Workin’ for the Royals, eh?”

Please make Crono stop talking.  He sounds like a git.

Lucca smiled slightly and picked up her tool. “Yes, just small jobs here and there. Good for buying supplies I need and plus I get to keep some old equipment.”

“Sounds good.” Chrono sat down beside her and yawned. “Seen Marle?”

Lucca shook her head. She eyed Chrono for a minute. “Nope.”

Because he wouldn’t have gathered that by you shaking your head-

*A-WHOOOO-GAH!   A-WHOOOO-GAH!*

Shit.  *presses a button that activates the Library PA system*  “Attention all Intruders: The Library will be closing in two minutes.  Please proceed to the nearest exit.  Thank you for invading us today and we hope to see you again soon.”

After a few seconds of silence, he said, “So what’re you doing, anyway?”

“Trying to fix this amp so I can hook up to a mic for the King to speak in.” Lucca grunted, preoccupied with her work.

Chrono looked around the tent. “Working for the Royals….”

*facepalm*  What the hell is Crono’s problem?  Marle is a royal and Crono never had any problem working with her on their adventure.  Why is he being so negative toward Lucca for helping out their friend and their friend’s father?

“So what’s up with you and Marle?” Lucca blurted.

Well, if the CT-Verse canon is to be trusted, a lot.  Like… humpity-bumpity levels of a lot.  Doan from 2300 AD is their descendant.  Am I making myself clear yet that they’re totally going to bone?

Chrono’s stomach went cold upon hearing someone else speak her name. He closed his eyes and chose his words carefully. “Um, I dunno. Just wanna see how the old gang’s doing.”

Not according to the last chapter, you don’t.  From what I gathered, you never wanted to see most of them again.

“It wasn’t that long ago, we just got back a week ago. “Lucca smirked twisting her screw driver around into a panel in the amp.

GAH!  *looks around quickly*  Koori!

Koori: *poofs in, arms full of dead fish*  Yes, Miss Lyle?

Uhm, did I interrupt something?

Koori: Barty is working on his back-flip.  He need some incentive.

Ah.  Well, put those down for now.  I need you to go knock Taco out before the smirk gets to him.

Koori:  *shrugs and dumps the fish onto a spare chair before poofing back out*

*eyes the pile of fish*  I could have gone about that order a bit better.

“Yeah, but, I just want to know how everyone’s…..coping since being back home,” Chrono murmured, then put in drastically, “it’s been such a big change.”

Has it?  You haven’t shown me anything that has really changed.  Saying it doesn’t make it true.

Lucca patted his arm.” I’m sure everyone’s fine,” She mocked with a coy smile.

While I appreciate Lucca getting her flirt on, Crono is obviously not interested in her.  He marries Marle in canon.  There’s a cut scene at the end of the Playstation release.

Chrono detected the look in her eyes. Her ability to read people was utterly fascinating. He had to throw her off.” Yeah,” He turned away.

What is she reading from him, exactly?  This is very confusing.

“And besides,” Lucca went on, standing up,” The only ‘gang’ around here is you, me, and Marle. Right?” She was hinting something. She could tell Chrono still had feelings for the princess…

No shit, Sherlock.  It was never really hidden that they were totally ending up together.

He nodded.

“I assume they’re all ok. From what Robo said-“

“WHAT?!”

“What what?” Lucca repeated.

He stood up and put his hands on her shoulders and frantically retorted, “You still talk to Robo?”

She pulled back and straightened her glasses. “Yes of course.”

Whoa there, skippy.  The hell is with that reaction?

At once Chrono became a bit angry because he secretly wanted to severe all connections with his old friends so an event like so wouldn’t evolve into him saving the world again. But he didn’t show it.” B-but how?”

*presses lips thin*

So Crono doesn’t want to be friends with his friends anymore because he’s afraid they’ll drag him into another adventure to save the world, even though he started all the adventuring in the first place.  Crono is supposed to be the quintessential hero, standing for all that is good and brave and right.  What happened to the real Crono?  This one is broken.

“Easy. I already had a communicator built and just recently I completed it and upgraded it to span over certain eras. It’s modelled to reach advanced for it’s time,” Lucca put in, blushing and feeling quite proud. then gasping, she said happily, “Are you becoming interested in MY technology?” With her eyes shining, Chrono detected sarcasm as she added, “How delightful!”

Why would she sarcastic about that?!  Lucca loves sharing her inventions.  If Crono is showing an interest, she would be genuinely delighted.

“No wait Lucca-“

“Oh come on, you wanna talk to Robo, don’t you? Just once, please? He’ll be happy!”

“Uh, he’s a robot….”Chrono muttered, as she grabbed his arm. Shaking his head as Lucca dragged him away, he knew he wouldn’t be back for awhile, since when Lucca was set on something, she usually went full way in reference to her inventions.

This doesn’t seem like Crono at all!  I mean, he doesn’t have a lot of personality in the game but this author has turned him slightly wangsty.  He doesn’t want to be a hero again because no one has recognized him for it so he doesn’t want to be around his friends in case they drag him into another adventure.  That’s about as opposite from Crono’s portrayal in the game as you can get!

Soon, He told himself. Soon I’ll see Marle.

Huh.  So I guess a lack of bold-face means he’s thinking it.  That would have been good to know earlier.

Lucca’s room was incredibly messy. Well, so was her whole house, littered with parts and equipment and old books and chemicals .But her room was definitely the worst. Chrono felt surrounded by endless pages of data and theories and so much machines, he felt like a robot was about to jump up and kill him! But the thing that cluttered her room the most was her large, well built communicator. It was ratty looking, not the best built, with second hand parts and Lucca’s sometimes delusional knowledge, but it worked. To his surprise it did work.

Lucca’s room.  Much machines.  So books.  Robot death.  Wow.

So far all of Lucca’s inventions have worked.  The teleporter worked just fine when you were the guinea pig for it.  The reason it malfunctioned and shoved Marle into the past was because it reacted to the power of Schala’s pendant and created some sort of rift in the lining of time.

Her house was seperated from most of the village, on a little penninsula, which was good so Lucca and her father, with their devices, wouldn’t blow up the neighbours. No one else was home, so Chrono relaxed a little, to become fixated on Lucca’s ability to work her mechanisms.

This must be the reality where Lara was saved from Taban’s machine.  Otherwise, Lara would be sitting up in her room as usual, unable to go outside.

And peninsula is not the word you’re looking for here, author.  Here’s Lucca’s house:

Say it with me, kids: ISLAND.

Say it with me, kids: ISLAND.

“Ok there, it just needs to load. About a minute so….”Lucca explained, and pushed some papers off of her seat so she could sit down.

“Good, good.” Chrono mumbled, wishing it would hurry up. He wanted to go back to the Square. Was Marle there by now? Was she looking for him? Of course. Did she think he didn’t care? Chrono began to become nervous.

This isn’t actually that bad.  It’s always good to see improvement in a fic as I’m riffing it.

A large series of dial tones and annoying clicks interrupted Chrono’s train of thought and seemed to disturb Lucca. He looked at her, and she turned a bit pale, before she rushed to a monitor and button panel. She began to furiously type in commands that aroused Chrono’s curiuosity.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, sitting up.

Was he lying down?  It didn’t say what he did when he entered the room.  Lucca sat but Crono was still standing from what I read.

Lucca shook her head and replied quickly, “I don’t know. When I try to contact Robo it usually takes awhile to reach him unless, he’s trying to contact me…

Which he never does! Oh something’s wrong…..”

*steals all the extra periods before Taco notices the ellipses*

Oh wait, I had Koori sedate him.  *tosses them into the spare box anyway*

Chrono sneered in fustration. “Uh, what?”

One minute we’re up, the next we’re right back down again.  You’d think Crono would be more concerned if Robo is trying to contact them due to a potential emergency.  Or is this more of Crono’s ridiculous “I don’t want to be a hero, waaaaah!” crap that is OOC for him?

“It means Robo is on the line right now and his urgency rate to reach me is 100%!”Then, going to another speaker quickly, she spoke in a voice loud and clear,

“Go ahead Robo”

Chrono was now fully aware of what was about to be said. He leaned forward to catch everything that would be spoken.

Crono just so happens to know what Robo is going to say?  Seriously?  Is he clairvoyant now?

Another series of rapid beeps. Chrono began to sweat.

Because he’s actually concerned about Robo being in trouble, or because he’s concerned that he’ll be asked to Hero again?

“…..coming in contact….Robo and Prometheus…..”

“You’re in,” Lucca replied, and listened.

“….my mother…..is repaired….reasons unknown. Is the Black Omen awakened?There seems to be bad life around…..Lucca are you still in contact with the Epoch?”

Oh, did Fenrir not defeat the Black Omen?  It’s possible to beat the game without defeating it, but if you defeat the Black Omen, it can’t “wake up.”  Because it’s destroyed.  And “in contact with the Epoch?”  The Epoch is a fucking time machine that they kept.  Of course they’re in contact with it!  Unless he means like, right then.  They’re not touching it; it’s too big to fit in Lucca’s bedroom.

And when he says that his mother is repaired, that means the mainframe that controlled the robot manufacturing factory where Robo was created.  It went loopy and you ended up destroying it when you first met Robo.

“Yes Robo, why?”

“You may have to come here and see this…I think something’s about to happen…”

Thank you, Vagueness Robot!

Chrono and Lucca heard an abundance of static which made their blood run cold. What was Robo trying to say?

I think he’s trying to say that something is about to happen.

42205i0416BA2350774DB8Pay attention!

“Robo what is happening?” Lucca called, her voice shaky. Chrono went over and listened by her .There was no response.

“Robo !Are you there?” He called desperately.

The line went dead.

I think we may have found plot!  It’s about time!

And slowly Lucca and Chrono looked at each other solemnly, dreading Robo’s message, and fearing the meaning behind it.

The meaning is that you need to get Marle and get your butts into the Epoch so you can go check up on Robo.  If you’re high enough leveled to defeat Lavos, you’re high enough leveled to go take out Mother Brain again.

That’s all for this week!  Join me next week as I ride Space Mountain until I can’t see straight take down the next chapter.  Ta!

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11 Comments on “1197: Call of Retribution – Chapter Two”

  1. S.M.F. says:

    You have a good time out there! :)

  2. infinity421 says:

    Oh, wow, congrats, Lyle! You have a good time out there! ^^

    Man, with a name like Call of Retribution I instinctively expect a Call of Duty/Dawn of War: Retribution crossover.

  3. agigabyte says:

    Congrats, Lyle! Hope you’re having a nice time!

  4. SC says:

    Like most all early RPG’s, before the technology allowed game developers to insert real voice actor sound clips, you had the option of changing your characters’ names. Honestly, it’s something I miss about the newer games where you character HAS to be named “Blahblahblah” because that’s what all the voice-acted cut-scenes use when they refer to them.

    Well, at least in the Etrian Odyssey games, there’s hardly any voice acting if at all, so you get to name your WHOLE GUILD. Which I like too, because I like being able to forge my own adventures by naming my own characters. It makes me more invested in the game, honestly.

  5. SC says:

    …I actually would love those boots.

    Those are nice boots, not gonna lie.

  6. TacoMagic says:

    I bet it’s Gato.

    Otherwise known as: “Just one more battle; one more.”

  7. TacoMagic says:

    Now, I don’t really know physics very well, and correct me if I’m wrong, Taco, but if the bell is ringing as deeply as it did before, it wouldn’t be any quieter, right? That just doesn’t sound plausible.

    Well, technically it could ring like that. Tone is the frequency of the sound, which is based on the shape and material of the bell as well as where it’s struck. Since that’s all constant with this kind of bell, it would always produce the same tone ring. The loudness, which is the amplitude of the sound, of the bell would be dependent on how hard it’s hit. So, yes, you can get the same tone at different volumes.

    HOWEVER, with the way this bell is mounted and rung in the game, it’s unlikely that they would have any useful volume control on it since the thing striking the bell is a hanging clapper. To a certain extent you could swing the bell slowly which would produce a relatively quieter ring, but you wouldn’t have much control over that… and it’d still be loud enough to drown out the history lecture.

  8. TacoMagic says:

    Well, if the CT-Verse canon is to be trusted, a lot. Like… humpity-bumpity levels of a lot. Doan from 2300 AD is their descendant. Am I making myself clear yet that they’re totally going to bone?

    Which makes his comment to Lucca about the royals even more hypocritical. For fuck’s sake, by the second game Crono was prince regent! Briefly. Before Gaurdia fell to Porre, anyway. Though there is some evidence that they eventually retake the throne. The groundwork was there for a third game revolving around the Gaurdia/Porre conflict, but I think Square abandoned the project in favor of more angsty Final Fantasy games.

  9. TacoMagic says:

    While I appreciate Lucca getting her flirt on, Crono is obviously not interested in her.

    It’s really one of the core parts of Lucca’s character, she doesn’t really have any romantic interest in Crono (or anyone for that matter). They are best friends. End of story. That’s something that’s pretty rare in video games, a female character who exists aside from the main protagonist as her own person.

    She’s got a lot of things that make her a great character, and I can’t help but feel that this flirting with Crono is missing the point of her character a bit as she’s supposed to be relatively asexual.

    Why yes, Lucca is my favorite character.


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