1185: Kamen Rider Ryuki: A Rider’s Persona – Chapter Three, Part 2Posted: September 24, 2015
Title: Kamen Rider Ryuki: A Rider’s Persona
Author: Nero Angelo Sparda
Media: TV Shows/Video Games
Topic: Kamen Rider Ryuki/Persona
URL: Kamen Rider Ryuki: A Rider’s Persona Chapter 3
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck
Hello folks, and welcome back to this crappy Kamen Rider fic. How much further will the crossover sink? How much worse can it get?
Are there clouds in the sky today?
Then let’s get going!
We open the next part of the chapter with this:
Sora looked at Yosuke with concern and then up at Riku, not sure what to do. Riku just looked at Yosuke and then back at Sora and shrugged, and followed after Chie and Yukiko, Sora following after him.
Yay, let’s leave the butt monkey to his own devices!
They bump into Yui pretty shortly afterwards, and Riku-Stu introduces Sora to Yui while immediately forgetting that Riku is supposed to be doing the troubled loner routine.
So then we find out that—
“It’s nice to meet you, I’m Yui Kanzaki,” Yui said, shaking Sora’s hand. “So are you a Second year as well?”
“Yes, are you?”
“No, I’m a first year,” Yui answered.
*goes to Uncle Google*
Yui is fifteen in this crossover. You know, despite the fact that she is actually eighteen in the series proper.
*headdesk* *headdesK* *headdesk*
Author, either you suck at research in Japanese culture, or you didn’t actually fucking watch Kamen Rider: Ryuki. If you watched Ryuki, you’d remember that Yui’s age is a major plot point! Granted, you don’t find out it’s a plot point until the last five episodes, but it’s still a plot point! And if you researched the former, you’d know that making Yui into a high school girl for the purposes of this crossover makes no fucking sense whatsoever, because if she was fifteen then Shirou Kanzaki wouldn’t be entering desperation mode.
Author. This is why you plan shit! Come on!
So then Chie decides “hey, let’s hang out, and—”
Right as they passed the schools gates a young man walked over to them from behind the pillar. The student had relatively short, messy black hair that was parted slightly in the middle. He has a cool, ashen complexion, though his skin has a peachy tint to it. He had large droopy eyes that looked depressed and he has a beauty mark under his left eye. He looked extremely tired as he has a fairly pronounced slouch, walks slowly and breathes heavily. His school uniform is black, with a green and orange shield emblem and a green tie.
Good Lord, that has to be the driest character introduction I’ve ever read. And it’s giving me everything from tense shift sickness to lazy eye at just how uninteresting this paragraph is!
And least of all because of that one sentence of costume porn. On that note, actually…
Fashion Police Needed Count: 15
Riku didn’t like him already. It was almost as if he was waiting for them to show and stared at them as he walked closer to Yukiko and said. “You’re Yuki, right? Y-You want to go hang out somewhere?”
Oh hey, it’s creepy kid! I have no idea who he is or even if he’s part of the Persona cast, but we’ll see soon enough, right?
“What? Who are you?” Yukiko asked, not sure who this was and what he meant.
I guess we’ll see after we’ve finished the mandatory round of this author assuming we’re fucking morons. And on that note,
Readers Are Stupid Count: 20
Anyway, we then get a bunch of unattributed dialogue from a few random passers-by about this student and Yukiko, before Yukiko finally answers “no”. This causes creepy kid to run off, and—
“What did he want from me?” Yukiko said, causing Riku, Chie, and Yui to roll their eyes and Sora to blink. She couldn’t be that thick could she?
Oh wait, this guy is in the game! Shit, I forgot!
But now that I remember it, I distinctly remember from what I saw of gameplay footage that this guy was a bit more a nervous wreck than a complete creep. Still a creep, but he wasn’t a total creep like he is here. I don’t know about you, but something in the way the narration painted him just made him creepy, rather than nervous.
Jeez, dude, other people are expecting you to write their creations in character? You can’t even write a fucking background character in an in-character way!
Good fucking Lord, man, learn how to write characters!
“What did he want? Obviously, he was asking you out on a date,” Chie answered, making Yukiko blink in surprise.
“Huh, really?” Yukiko said, surprised.
Riku sighed and shook his head at the girl’s denseness. Honestly how did she not know that was a date? Even he knew that he asking for a date and he wasn’t the sharpest for stuff like this.
Much like this author isn’t the sharpest for good prose, am I right?
Sora was surprised that Yukiko didn’t know that. She had never gone out on a date before, but she knew when a person was asking for one or was interested in someone at least.
Good Lord, is nobody going to comment on how creepy that was?
“You really had no clue? Sheesh,” Chie sighed. “But then again, that was way over the top. It was creepy how he called you Yuki all of sudden.”
Thank you, Chie! Jeez, it’s about time somebody started acting intelligent around here!
“Yeah, and creepy pretty much described him perfectly,” Yui said, giving her opinion on the student.
Thank you, narration, I’m sure we could tell Yui was giving an opinion from the fact that she said that.
Readers Are Stupid Count: 21
Yosuke then turns up, and then he’s all ‘hey, turned down another suitor, did you’. He then brings up the time she did that to him, before Yukiko is all ‘huh, I don’t remember that’. And then Yosuke tries to hit on Yukiko, before he’s shut down. Yosuke then runs off, telling them not to pick on Sora too badly.
So then, they sort of run off, and then they talk to Sora and find out more about her, and that she’s there ‘cause of her parents. For no reason at all, they start talking about tourism in Inaba, and then it’s mentioned that Yukiko’s family runs the inn, and—
“Talk about a family business,” Riku muttered, impressed. Most family bushiness that he knew of only last until the person who started it dies or until one of the relatives decides to sell it after the former owner died, not wanting anything to do with it or keep it running. For the Amagi Inn to keep running for generations show a deep commitment to it.
According to an FBA friend, it’s actually a bigger trend in Japan that family businesses go on for tons and tons of generations. Now, granted, the trend has been changing more recently, but if Yukiko’s character arc is any indication, then the pressure to do so is still huge.
So once again, our author demonstrates he knows absolutely nothing about Japanese culture. Hooray!
“I don’t think that’s entirely true,” Yukiko said, shaking her head in denial.
Right, Yukiko? Jeez.
Anyway, they talk some more, before—
“So Riku, tell me. Do you think Yukiko’s cute?” Chie asked slyly, smirking.
Ninjas, get the bolt tape! Now! No questions, just do it!
And really? You’ve known him for… how long, and you’re already asking him if he thinks Yukiko is cute? Come on, people, have better standards than this!
Riku’s eyes widened for a moment and blushed as Yukiko did as well and looked at Riku. Sora and Yui were just as interested as well in Riku’s answer, and wondered what they thought of Yukiko as well.
And meanwhile, the reader could really care less, considering that Riku and Yukiko haven’t really had that much interaction.
“Umm,” Riku groaned, thinking about what to say. He was screwed.
Oh, I doubt that. You are talking about a self-insert Stu, after all!
If he said no and said that she wasn’t then she would be angry and could get slapped for it, or hit by Chie. She kicked Yosuke’s balls for cracking her DVD who’s to say that she won’t do the same to him, or something similar for insulting her friend if he said no?
I’m sure there’s a more interesting way to relate this little conflict. You know, by showing and not telling? I know you concentrate more on treating your audience like idiots than actually writing a good story, but come on, dude! What the hell?
So Riku of course says “yes”, and then Yui—
“Oh, but then what about Sora do you think that’s she pretty to?” Yui questioned smirking, making Sora and Riku blush and Chie to laugh at their expense.
Dammit, ninjas, get more bolt tape!
And why is Yui going in to ask that? Are we sure this is the same focused Yui we saw in the series? I just…
Anyway, we’re then treated to a pointless conversation where they talk about “Yukiko doesn’t have a boyfriend”, and then Sora goes in and—
“Is she really as popular as Chie says she is?” Sora asked, wondering if she was right, but doubted it. If Yukiko had admires from whole other schools and had a challenge then she had to be popular
“Admires” from whole other schools? You know, if I didn’t think you were spending most of your time trying to spell things out to an audience that isn’t actually as stupid as you think it is, I’d wonder where your priorities were when telling this story.
“Yeah, she’s that popular, but just doesn’t see it,” Riku said. He had been here for a week and had seen several people try and go for the ‘Amagi Challenge’ as some people called it. Honestly he wondered just how thick Yukiko really was if she didn’t see that she was popular when even a blind and death man could tell see it.
Oh my God, we get it! Yukiko is dense! Now can we please move on to something that isn’t Yukiko’s love life?
“W-Wait, n-no! What I meant to say was, I-I don’t need a boyfriend!” Yukiko stuttered. “Geeze, Chie, did you have to bring this up?”
“Hahaha! Sorry, I’m sorry. But here we are being nice to someone new and you barely said a word,” Chie laughed, good naturally.
So then, Yui calls attention to a crime scene, and they move over to it and hear stuff. They mention stuff about a high schooler who was found dead around there, and—
Riku’s eyes narrowed, something definitely did happen earlier and it did involve one of their school mates apparently. That would explain why they had all of the students leave earlier. It might be a murder and considering that it involved both the police and the fire department that seemed the most likely thing at the moment.
I sincerely hope you never teach a college course at any point in your life, Nero Angelo Sparda. I forsee everyone dropping that class because of your smug, self-satisfied attitude.
Readers Are Stupid Count: 22
So he deduces that it wasn’t a mirror monster, and he deduces it must have been a person.
Riku clenched his fists in anger as he listened to what the people around the barricade say. This killer was sick and a monster, a psychopath. Killing an innocent person and leaving their body on an antenna right in the open for others to see. This was nothing short of monstrous in its own right.
Oh shut up and leave the pretentious whining about morality to the Ulrich-Stu, please!
We then see—
He saw one of the detectives walk away from the scene toward them. He had short greyish black hair and stubble on his chin. He had broad shoulders and a dark grey dress shirt with the sleeves pulled up and a loose red neck-tie. He wore a pair of black dress pants and dark brown shoes with a matching belt that had a silver buckle. He wore a silver watch on his wrist and had a black dress jacket slung over his shoulder.
Fashion Police Needed Count: 16
It took him a moment to realize that this was the same man that was with the little girl that he had saved last week.
As he walked away from the crime scene he noticed the group and made his way toward them, or more specifically Sora.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” the man asked, looking at Sora.
“We were just passing by and then we stumbled upon…this,” Sora answered. “Did something happen?”
“You could say that,” he answered. “Damn it. We told that damn principal to not let the students through here.”
Wait, what? Why is she talking as if she were all—
“You know this guy?” Chie asked curiously, wondering what the connection between the two were.
“I’m detective Dojima, I’m her guardian,” he answered. “Well I’m not sure how to say this exactly I hope you lot get along well with her. But you all shouldn’t be wandering around and head straight home.”
Oh, thank God. It’s just detective Dojima doing his thing. At least he’s actually doing stuff visibly in this fic, which is a lot more than I can say for some Kamen Rider characters, really.
He then made his way back to the crime scene, but quickly moved to the side as a young man with unkempt black hair, wearing a black suit with a white long-sleeved dress shirt, a crooked red tie, and brown field boots, quickly ran past the barricade toward several bushes and barfed.
Fashion Police Needed Count: 17
“Adachi! How long are you going to act like a rookie! Do you want to be sent back to the central office!” Dojima exclaimed and the barfing man, Adachi.
“I-I’m sorry,” the man replied weekly, clutching his stomach.
“Go wash your face,” Dojima sighed. “We’re gonna around and gather information.”
So then, after this, the group wonders if this is what the announcement was about. They then decide to break off a little bit, citing the lack of wish to go to Junes. Honestly, I can’t really say I blame them.
So then Yui and Riku-Stu accompany Sora back to her home, and then Sora thanks them for showing her around. And then, of course, we get this:
“Thank you, for being nice to meet me and hanging out with me and showing me around town,” Sora said, smiling with a faint blush on her face.
“It was no problem, and maybe we can hang out later if you like,” Riku replied, smiling.
“I would love to,” she answered, still smiling and blushing.
Yeah, yeah, get the romantic mushy stuff out of—
As Yui stared at the two, she couldn’t help, but find the two adorable and so cute together. As she stared at the two a thought came to her. ‘I would so ship them together.’
Maybe she should try to set them up together. They did seem to like each other, and she did keep blushing around him, but then again she was a bit shy and it was too early to tell if they actually had romantic feelings for one another, or just saw each other as friends.
And here I thought Subject 23 was on the nose about its eventual romance…
After that, Riku and Yui talk a little about what happened, and Riku gives his hypothesis on what was involved. However, as they go, they hear the Kamen Rider ringing, Riku running off to deal with it. He then sees a zebra monster, and… well, he runs off to do the Henshin thing. Par for course, except for some stupid reason it takes way longer than it needs to take to get to that point.
He jumps into Mirror World, and then Yui follows along. And then, of course…
Outside the Mirror World Yui ran as fast as she could with her bag slung over her shoulder and right before she could enter the street that Riku did she saw a man with spiky black hair wearing black clothing make his way to the glass panel, unknowingly the very same window that Riku had entered the Mirror World from. The man pulled out an Advent Deck from his pants pocket and held it out at the mirror, causing the same belt that Ryuki wore to appear around his waist.
“Henshin,” the man said, and then slidded his Advent Deck onto its place on the buckle. The Deck’s symbol glowed brightly as the mirror images of Knight appeared around his body and soon collided into him.
When they did Knight stood in the man’s place with his sword in a reverse grip in his hand. He then brought his sword up in front of him and leaped into the mirror, ready to fight.
And Yui didn’t take note of clothing or anything else about this mysterious other Kamen Rider because… um…
Yui came out of her hiding spot and looked at where the man had entered from. As she made her to the door she accidently kicked a box, causing the contents of it to spill out. When she looked down at the box she was somewhat surprised to see that it was Riku’s bag. She kneeled down picked his bag up off the ground and was somewhat happy to know that she went down the right street at least.
You know who doesn’t give a shit? The guys watching the action scene. And, you know, anyone who wants this story to be paced at anything that isn’t a snail’s pace. Those guys would appreciate it, too.
After this, Yui follows the fight and wondering about Knight. We then cut to mirror world, and—
In the Mirror World Ryuki cautiously looked around, looking for the Mirror Monster or another Kamen Rider. That was always a risk when someone entered the Mirror World, it’s never safe. Whether it be the monster or a Kamen Rider in hiding waiting to jump you and finish you.
Or, you know, the fact that humans tend to dissolve in Mirror World if you stay there for too long. But really, don’t we already know that? I mean, shit dude, didn’t Shirou already give you the whole run-down? I’m pretty sure most of us know that Mirror World is not a happy place to be.
Oh goddammit, he wrote that for the benefit of his not-stupid audience, didn’t he?
Readers Are Stupid Count: 23
Anyway, Zebra monster shows up, and then Riku-Stu pulls the Sword Vent. And then, Knight shows up and fights the Mirror Monster too. So then they team up to take down Zebra monster, Knight draws his sword vent, they fight some more, and then…
Knight figured that it was time to end this and opened his visor again and pulled another card out of his desk this time, this time the card had a symbol of his deck in a dark blue and black background and placed it inside.
Knight’s Visor announced. He then ran forward as a the same bat-like Mirror Monster from before screeched as it flew behind him, confirming Ryuki’s theory that it was his contracted Mirror Monster.
The Mirror Monster attached itself to Knight’s back, resembling a cape and after it did he leaped into the air. Knight spun in place at the height of his jump and let out a warcry
I know this is a tokusatsu show and that the moves are showy, but do you really have to take two fucking paragraphs to describe the build to the Final Vent?
Ryuki stared at Knight ready to act and didn’t mind that the fact that he wasn’t able to feed Dragreder. He might need to feed Dragreder to keep the contract, but that didn’t mean that he had to feed him every time and he learned a little more about Knight’s Final Vent. When he did his he now had some time to counter it with either his own or use his Guard Vent before it hit him.
And why the fuck did you think it was a good idea to interrupt the performance of the Final Vent? I mean, Jesus, he hasn’t finished the Final Vent yet! Let him finish first, then think about that!
Knight stood up from his place looked over at Ryuki as Ryuki stared back at his fellow Rider, neither one moving from their place as they stared at one another. The two then charged at one another and swung their weapons at each other, both of them aiming to kill each other once again.
Wait, why are they charging at each other? Um, fic, the monster hasn’t gone boom yet! In fact, wasn’t Knight just winding up to start the fucking attack? He jumped, and didn’t…
…even get to finish… the attack…
*checks the paragraph above*
Are you kidding me.
*headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*
Are you fucking kidding me!
You left out the end of the fight with the Zebra creature, didn’t you?
No, really, that’s what happened. If you look at the sentence above, it looks like it got cut off, and then it just cuts to Riku-Stu musing about Dragreder! He cut half the attack!
*BAM* *BAM* *BAM*
How fucking lazy do you have to be to not notice that half the conclusion of your fight scene is just not in the fic at all!? That’s a level of lazy that not even fucking Victor Tarsus stooped to, and he gave us that “seZiral” bullshit! Why didn’t you think to look over your chapter to make sure that the fucking pivotal fight scene was actually finished?
Oh, wait, sorry, I forgot: your energy in this fic is half devoted to making your Stu look epic, and then half devoted to writing narration that treats your audience like they are preschoolers!
Good fucking fishsticks.
So then Knight and Riku-Stu do a fight scene. I’d show most of it, but really, I don’t think there’s anything in this fight scene that can top half the fucking conclusion just not being posted at all! All you really need to know is that Knight and Ryuki both get to show off new cards (Nasty Vent for Knight and Guard Vent for Ryuki), and they fight pretty much until they get close to dissolving into Mirror World. So then they leave and shit.
When he finally saw the mirror that he entered from he saw Knight leap into it. He soon followed as well and left the Mirror World. When he left his armor shattered off of his body and to his surprise he saw Keisuke standing there in front of him, wearing black pants and a dark dress shirt. Keisuke eyes widened when he saw Riku coming out of the Mirror World.
“Keisuke…you’re Knight,” Riku said, his narrowed at Keisuke.
“Riku… you’re Ryuki,” he said in surprise. Riku balled his hands into fists and prepared himself for a fight. He was a Kamen Rider just like him and there was no telling what he would do now. On one hand he could just walk away, but he doubted that he would. The other was that he would attack him now and try to take him out, getting rid of some of the competition.
Oh please, what would that accomplish? I know that canonically a death does count towards the kill count if it happens outside of Mirror World, but what would you get from fighting him in the form you’re not sure you can win against him in?
At least it’s not fucking plot regurgitation, and finally something different being done with this canon other than plot regurgitation.
“Keisuke,” someone said, getting both of their attention. Both of them looked at where it came from and to their surprise they saw Yui there, staring at her friend in shock. She couldn’t believe that one of her friend’s, one that she saw as an older brother was fighting in this damn tournament.
It’s not a “tournament”, prose. It’s a “war”. “Tournament” assumes that there are neat little rules in place. Which is not something you frequently get when half the series has fights that occur at random times where the other Riders may or may not bump into each other and they can kill each other in whatever order they damn well please.
So then Yui tells Keisuke that she knows everything, Keisuke wonders what the hell this could mean, and then…
“How did you meet Shiro Kanzaki?” Riku asked, bringing Keisuke out of his thoughts. He needed to know if he was the only from another world or if there were others like him.
I’m this close to retiring this counter.
Readers Are Stupid Count: 24
“I met him one day and he made me an offer that I couldn’t refuse,” Keisuke said, leaving the specifics out.
I hope those specifics didn’t involve a decapitated horse head, or else I might worry for humanity.
“The same thing happen to you I guess?”
“He forced me to become one,” Riku answered. “He gave me no choice and forced me to become a Kamen Rider.”
So does anyone else find it incredibly ironic that he just unintentionally pointed out why he’s a massive Gary Stu in the first place?
“That’s different then what happened to me, but he still made you an offer that you couldn’t refuse,” Keisuke replied, bringing up that important detail and proving that Shiro had done just that. “No matter how he went about it, he got you to accept it and become a Kamen Rider.”
No, Keisuke, don’t try to rationalize it. I spent a huge chunk of the first installment of this snarking telling you why Riku’s presence here is bullshit, I don’t want to have to whip it out again for your stupid ass to shut up about it.
“Yeah,” Riku said, begrudgingly, a little bit of anger sneaking into his voice. The three sat in a tense silence, not sure what to say to one another. Riku and Keisuke were supposed to be enemies and were supposed to be trying to kill each other, so they weren’t sure what to say to one another who they might have t kill one day.
Oh, sorry, I forgot: why be logical when you can just pretend your audience is stupid again?
Readers Are Stupid Count: 25
Yui on the other hand was angry at her brother for creating this damn tournament and starting it. She was sure that if Riku and Keisuke met on different circumstances then they could’ve been friends with each other,
Technically, they did. Or were the events of Chapter 2 just a pipe dream?
but they couldn’t, because of her brother. Not only that, but she now she could very well lose two people she considered friends and cared about, one that she had just met, but cared for none the less and the other that she saw as a surrogate older brother, but they couldn’t because they would have to fight to kill one another one day.
How many more of her friends would be offered the same thing and accept it? How many friends would she lose because of this War that her brother started?
Oh my God, stop the philosophical rambling! I’ll give you points for the fact that it isn’t pretentious and that it’s actually appropriate for the situation, but come on, you know there’s a better way to bring up questions like these.
And I’m pretty sure I’ve said that elsewhere in this snarking, haven’t I?
“Do you think that you can go through with it?” Keisuke asked, breaking the silence as he stared at Riku.
“Do you mean killing people?” Riku asked, wanting to be sure if that was what he meant.
“Yes,” Keisuke replied.
“That’s been the question that’s been haunting me ever since I became a Rider,” Riku answered honestly. “Can I kill someone? I don’t know, I honestly don’t know. I never thought I would take part in something like this and I never thought I would have to kill people until now, but I know one thing about killing.”
“And that it?” Keisuke asked, wondering what it was. He was just like Riku in that regard then. They never thought that they would have to take someone’s life up until now.
“The moment you take a life, you can never go back,” Riku said seriously. “My reason is my own, just like yours is your own, but I will tell you one thing. At the very least I fight to protect people from the monsters in the mirrors.”
“Good words, remember them, but remember that it could also apply to other Kamen Riders as well.” Keisuke said, standing up. “Riku, we will one day fight each other and it will be to the death. When that day comes do not hold back. Come at me to kill me, because I will kill you if you do not, if you do not fight me with the intent to kill me, if you show me mercy that day, then you will die.”
Yeah, see, that’s a marginal improvement! It’s not much and it’s still boring as balls to read, but it’s a step in the right direction! I’ll take it!
“Keisuke, please don’t do this. You don’t have to kill anyone, you should fight to protect people from the monsters inside the Mirror World!” Yui pleaded, trying to make him stop. This wasn’t right. They shouldn’t be trying to kill one another they should be fighting to protect innocent people the Mirror Monsters.
Oh shit! Crunchy, the tokusplosions, please!
[Scene Redacted for Extreme Violence]
Wait, why did you use the Kuuga explosions?
“The old ones were getting old. I thought to change it up a bit.”
Mm… I suppose it’s fair. But still, not nearly satisfying enough to have them blow up instantly as opposed to having it be more of a napalm explosion, you get me?
“But I am Yui,” Keisuke replied. “Just like him at the very least I fight to protect people from the Mirror Monsters, and if they are other Kamen Riders then I will end them as well to protect others.”
Riku couldn’t deny that. Keisuke did choose to kill the Mirror Monster before attacking him, and he could’ve easily attacked him instead and turned it into a three-way free for all, but instead choose to ally with him to destroy the Mirror Monster, which meant that his priorities were more focused on protecting innocent people from the Mirror Monsters at the very least while dealing with the other Kamen Riders.
And of course, the moment this fic gives me something to praise, it scales back and goes back to its usual “monologuing through prose” bullshit. Of course.
After this, Keisuke asks Riku-Stu to protect Yui. For once, Riku-Stu reacts the way any decent human being would, and unhesitatingly says he will.
“Thank you,” Keisuke said, and then turned around and walked away, leaving.
Riku sighed as he stood there for a couple of minutes and then turned around and made his way back to his apartment.
And don’t ask where Yui went. With our luck, she disappeared into the SDQF or some shit like that.
Things now just got a whole lot harder now that he had learned who Knight really and the man in the armor. He now knew Knight’s identity and his reason to fight in this war or at the very least had a good idea as to what it was. It no doubt involved his girlfriend, Rika.
And that, Nero Angelo Sparda, is why revealing Rika so early in the story is a bad move. It pretty much puts a large part of Keisuke’s character out in the open right away, when it would’ve been more beneficial to have all this revealed more gradually. But hey, why pace things well when you can spell things out for your audience?
His wish was a selfless one, and in a way better than his own wish, which was selfish in its own right.
Doesn’t stop both of them from being very poorly set up, but hey, why have good set up? The audience won’t be smart enough to tell that it’s poorly set up, right?
Damn, I should really stop with that.
Riku shook his head and tried to clear his head, trying to make himself stop thinking that way. He couldn’t think like that, it would only get in the way and he couldn’t let what other peoples’ wishes were like and get in the way of what he wanted and what he needed to do.
Yeah, yeah, keep pretending you care.
After this, Yui returns from the SDQF and asks Riku if he’s all right. They then make their way to Sanako’s café in silence, and then Riku returns home. We get a very pointless paragraph about his night routine, and then he turns to the news, which reports that the body is Mayumi Yamano, and that the police are still investigating. They mention a heavy fog is impeding their progress, and the reporter goes on, and it—
The fog would make it hard for anyone to see them, but there was always the possibility that it was another Kamen Rider with their Mirror Monster helping them.
Well, even if Asakura could make fog (which he can’t, but one can of worms at a time), he’s not in this story, so there you go. And even beyond that, most Mirror World monsters didn’t exactly have special properties. They’re Mirror World monsters, not the fucking Garanji. Get that right, please!
If it was another Kamen Rider then it was proof to him that Shiro Kanzaki and had made people of all kinds Kamen Riders for this war, from the good, the bad, and even those that have no choice but to fight.
Well, duh. It’s too bad your easy amnesia over the series happened, otherwise you might’ve remembered that Asakura genuinely was a psychopath and that therefore yes, Shirou would recruit whoever he thought could participate in the Rider War.
And that was what hurt the most. That he would have to fight and kill those that had good intentions and those that had no choice, but to fight. How can he say that Riders of that kind were evil when those with good intentions were probably better people then he was ever going to be, like Keisuke who wanted to save the woman that he no doubt loved? And those that had no choice, because for them it was either fight or die? Compared to people like that now that he thought about it. His wish was starting to sound so selfish compared to those kind of wishes, but then again everyone in this war was selfish, and had to kill for what they wanted.
Goddammit, do I need to start a counter for every time we get a philosophical rambling in the prose now? This is just getting ridiculous!
Riku then sighed as he placed his deck on the counter of his nightstand and closed his eyes. It didn’t matter in the end though. He was a selfish man and didn’t want to die. He decided that despite their wishes he would continue to follow the one rule of this war.
If you do not, then you do not survive.
At least we’ve finally hit the end of the chapter. But alas, ladies and gentlemen, it’s not the end for us just yet.
Because, guess what, more fucking author’s notes!
Well this Chapter followed the game for the most part. Not gong to bother denying it.
Well, at least he’s not trying to claim it’s an AU the way InHarmsWay did when he pretty much did the exact same thing to Mass Effect. He’s not a completely lost cause.
The reason I went with the Genderbent Yu/Souji is because I found artwork and found her adorable. And the second reason being that I have found little to none stories featuring a GB Yu, little being the standard Persona Fanfics and the None being the Cross, so I figured be original. Not only that, but I also downloaded and played Persona 3 Portable and played the Female Route and liked the differences, and figured I could incorporate stuff like that in my story.
So you thought it was a good idea to write Genderbent P4 protagonist because you did the same for P3P, and thought to be different. Okay, it’s good to see you’re not making her into eye candy, but I have to wonder how you’d incorporate those differences when you’ve basically made her into the awkward teenage love interest of your troubled loner Gary Stu.
Which, I love how you keep forgetting Riku-Stu is supposed to be a troubled loner. That’s brilliant character writing, isn’t it?
For those of you wondering what Riku’s Arcana its a tie between two Arcana. Either Way he will still get the same Persona, but it would make more sense for it to be of the Moon Arcana.
So you’ll have the same persona under a different Arcana… despite the fact that this pretty much goes against the fact that personas cannot be in two different Arcana at once! It goes against the whole point when your Persona—which is supposed to be a reflection of your inner self—can be categorized two different ways!
I mean, seriously, I never played Persona 4 and I think this is stupid!
Reason being like how Shinjiro was of the Hierophant Arcana in the male and the Moon in the Female Route.
Ert, can you confirm this for me?
Reason being is because of Riku’s character and how he acts now and how he will act later. Right now in my opinion he’s acting more like Ren Akiyama the canon Kamen Rider Knight, then his canon counterpart Shinji Kido, but that will change as the story progresses and his mind be tested as well.
I don’t think Arcana assignment works that way, Nero Angelo Sparda. I’m pretty sure that (if it’s true) Shinjiro’s arcana was changed between routes because the routes play the characters slightly differently. From the way you frame it, they don’t swap mid-story, so why the hell would one character swap Arcanas mid-story?
Good Lord, at least this thing is still in the spirit of Kamen Rider. But reading these ideas, you have to wonder if this guy was ever thinking in the spirit of Persona at all! I mean, I haven’t even finished Persona 3 and I’m already calling this out as bullshit!
What the hell?
After that, we get a list of the Kamen Riders as they’ve been assigned to the reader’s OC’s. Unsurprisingly, most of the slots were still blank, even though there had been more than a few reader submitted OC’s at the time of that posting. After that, he then says this:
People a thing you should know for this story ONLY Ryuki Riders will be accepted, but pepole like Generalhyna did I actual have ideas to cross several of my fics together, so people like that will probably appear in there. But if you want them to appear in this fic then you got to make them one of the Ryuki Riders.
Oh, good, he’s putting his foot down on one account. It’s not nearly enough of an account considering he’s taking reader-created characters in the first place, but fuck it. At this point, I’ll take what I can get.
Now people if you submit then don’t be afraid to go into a much detail as you want
Well, considering you can’t even write a fucking bit character in character, I think they’ve got good cause to be concerned, no?
and don’t be afraid to add your own Oc’s to add to them, like Wandering dude 1 with her brother, (who sadly did not appear in this chapter). In my opinion it adds more to their character and allows me to write them better.
You couldn’t write a one-dimensional villain if he had a pet cat!
And you can make them like Riku and have them be from our world, or like Keisuke and have them be a part of the Persona world. Remember it’s not about who comes first for the Oc’s its how detailed and interesting they are.
You should also add the statue “and how difficult it is for me to not fuck it all up”. It’s nice to see you’re trying, but believe me, you just fail at it on a majorly basic level.
Also high probability of adding another Kamen Rider next chapter are pretty high. For those that are worried that I will kill their character the next chapter I introduce them then you don’t have to worry I won’t kill them off left and right.
The show didn’t kill Kamen Riders left and right either, you know. And it also didn’t kill them off in the episode they were introduced: not even fucking Scissors suffered that fate, and nobody remembers that guy’s actual name! So I should hope so, ‘cause it’s pretty bad form otherwise.
Also, IIRC, this was about the point in canon that they introduced Kitaoka, so I guess that follows the plot regurgitation track pretty well.
Last thing I have a Kamen Rider Agito Cross with Fate Stay Night called Kamen Rider Agito: Fate of Creation coming out soon, most likely in a couple of days.
Well, I haven’t seen Agito yet, and I probably won’t see Fate/Stay Night for a while, so… yeah. I would strongly suggest you improve your prose before you do that, but that’s probably gonna be lost since dammit you posted it already.
Well leave a review, a submission, to let me know what you think? After all the more you reviews the more inspiration that I get.
Well, sir, I have left a review, but you haven’t responded to it yet. So until you do? Yeah, color me suspicious.
That’s it for this week, folks! I’ll see you back at The Great Rift!