1183: Hammer Effect – Chapters 10, 11,12,13 &14Posted: September 22, 2015
WARNING! THIS CHAPTER HAS A REFERENCE TO RAPE IN IT! PROCEED WITH CAUTION!
(Ert: UGH! Why do I always get these ones?)
Ert: Wow. The chapters just got stupidly short out of nowhere. Actually, you know what? I’m not complaining. The last few chapters were so long and had so much nothing going on that it was torture to get through them. Shorter chapters means less pain.
Nora: Bundle of joy this one.
Author’s Note: I’m back guys, I’m sorry I didn’t update for this story. I was busy throwing things in a few other stories. Now that I exhausted my ideas for those stories at the moment I happen to have the time to continue. I also got a question, what kind of equipment do the Chaplains have. Specifically the Interrogator-Chaplains, I have little knowledge about what they use when they fight.
Ert: Oh gee, how could he ever figure that out? Oh wait, he could LOOK IT UP!!
Ert: In less then a minute I found out what their exact war gear was! A Crozius Arcanum and a bolt pistol (Possibly plasma pistol)
Nora:…The hell does that mean?
The Imperial Embassy
Behind the guarded doors of the embassy’s entrance, General Siegfried was reading a book without his mask on. However, it wasn’t just any book. It was a journal of his father.
Goeth: This guy takes his mask off a lot. Kind of misses the point of having one if you take it off every three seconds. We’d probably let this slide for most people as those things can create tunnel vision, but the Death Korps are supposed to be war hungry and strike me as the kind of people who’d be ready to fight at any second. If they were to take their masks off, it’d be if they had to.
Since the Citadel was not as interesting as he thought, he read just to pass the time. At the same time his mind was frustrated with the fact that he didn’t finish what his father wrote about as an officer of the Death Korps. Then he sensed that someone was coming. He closed the book before returning it into his locker, which happen to be a metal box with a lock on it.
Nora: Most lockers tend to be metal boxes with locks. Also, the Citadel isn’t interesting because apparently he looked, not that we know, and he’s reading his father’s journal but it only gets talked about in very vague terms.
Siegfried had grabbed his gas mask to seal his face away from any curious eyes. His bedroom doors had opened and Farseer Lofn stood at the doorway. “I see that you request my attention.” Stated the general.
Ert: Yeah, if he wants no one to see his face you’d think he’d have that mask on more. This just reeks of that classic cliche “I don’t want people to know my secret but I’ll leave it in the open so it can be discovered if someone walks in at the right time.”
“How did you know?” She asked.
“I ordered the guardsmen that I wasn’t to be disturbed unless it was an important matter. Seems like you happen to have a matter that is worth my attention.”
“Yes, there is a Quarian who wishes to speak to you. He happens to be a messenger of his people’s Flotilla.”
Ert: Ok. Time it took the Migrant Fleet to go from the Space Hulk to the Citadel, the time it would’ve taken for them to get clearance to land (it can take a long time due to how negatively viewed Quarians are in Council Space, and even after they land they can be hauled in for questioning) and time it’ll take to convince the Imperium to help them, the time it’ll take the Imperium to mobilize…yeah Tali’s dead. Either that or she was never in any danger.
“Where is he?”
“He’s outside of the embassy. You’re guardsmen are the only ones that are keeping him out.”
“I believe it’s better to meet him myself.” Soon the Farseer and the general began to walk out of his room before they saw a platoon of Grenadiers march in formation from one end of a hallway to another. When the general had passed them, they stopped to face in formation as he passed through the hallway. When the general was out of range, they changed direction before they continued their march.
Nora: So what? Is the Farseer a glorified messenger? You’d think Lt. Stu would have a secretary for something like this. Or at the very least a guard who keeps him in the loop.
. . .
The doors opened as general Siegfried had met a Quarian for the first time. “General, correct?” Siegfried nodded his head in confirmation. “I come from the Flotilla, I am here to ask for your help.”
“For what reason.”
“My people have happened to stumble upon a ship of you humans.”
“A lost ship?”
“Yes, empty by the looks of it.”
“What of it?”
“Well, I was hoping you would help the Quarian people leave the ship. The only person that refuses to leave is one of the admirals of the Admiralty Board.”
“What’s holding your flotilla back?”
“His daughter has happened to be lost on that ship. You will have to meet the Admiralty Board in person. I’m just a messenger.”
Ert: UGH! SO FUCKING BORING! Hey, author, let me try and compress that. “We found an abandoned human vessel, the daughter of one of the Admirals is trapped on it and he refuses to abandon her”. ONE! SENTENCE! I managed to get that drawn out point the Quarian was trying to make in ONE SENTENCE with nothing important missing! Is it kind of clunky? A bit, but it’s better than anything the author threw out
“Return to them, I just need some time before I leave the Citadel.”
“Thank you, general.” Then the Quarian began to leave the area as Lofn had raised a question.
“Why are you helping another species?”
“I’m not doing that.”
“Then what are you doing?”
“I’m going to personally go there to verify if the ship they have stumbled upon is indeed a ship of the Imperium.”
“That is your only reason?”
“Why are you questioning me?”
Nora: This guy is turning into a non-romantic version of a Tsundere. “BAKA! It’s not like I CARE about you xeno fifth.” And like a Tsundere, he’s annoying, repetitive and really the whole acting like an asshole thing isn’t charming because people don’t like assholes.
“Hmm, let me round up some of my Rangers and Grenadiers for the situation.”
Soon the ship began to leave the vicinity of the Citadel as the civilians, who were observing the ship’s size, leave the area with wonder. As for the general, he began to see what war gear he could bring with him. Other than his Bolter pistol, his las pistol, and his Sabre. He was set.
Goeth: What do you mean, the gear he COULD bring with him? He’s the General of the forces in the area, are there some weapons he’s not allowed to use?
. . .
In the bar, Farseer Lofn sat a table to look into the future once more.
Nora: Because bars are ideal locations for meditating and seeing into the future.
However, her attention was short-lived when she saw Artemis enter the room while the bar’s music in the background had grown louder. “Farseer, what brings you here?” He asked.
“I needed some place to meditate. I oddly find this place worth my stay.”
“Interesting.” Then her mind began to ask a question about him.
Goeth: A species that has to be as puritan as possible or get their souls eaten by a Chaos God finds the location where people get intoxicating worth her stay. HA!
Ert: Now there’s an argument to be made that Lofn’s soul may not be in danger of being consumed since she’s half human, but frankly Lofn’s status as a half human only exists in this story to be brought up by Lt. Stu when he wants to be an asshole. Which admittedly is a lot. Also her mind appears to…well have a mind of its own. Christ I just said that.
“During the fighting on Eden Prime, General Siegfried knew who you were. I’m just curious as to how you two have met.”
“That is a question I get from plenty of guardsmen, generals, and battle-brothers. We happen to be on a planet called Ardennel. Before our company was deployed there. A regiment of the Death Korps was already on the planet holding off an entire wave of Chaos forces.
Goeth: “Wave” basically means a single charge. So holding off an “entire” wave isn’t that impressive. Unless it was supposed to be a stupidly big enemy force, in which case wave is a bad term to use.
We were there because there was a War Titan already in the hands of our great enemy.” This interested her very much since it felt similar to a situation. “When we had arrived, I had witnessed a young Kriegsman officer take the role of the general since their general was dead. Although he wasn’t supposed to in the culture of Krieg, he did it only to defeat the forces of chaos. So it was considered an excuse.”
Ert: So he wasn’t supposed to do it except when he had a reason to? WHEN ELSE WOULD HE DO IT! Also, a low ranking soldier playing General isn’t a no-no because of “the culture of Krieg” he’s not supposed to do it because that’s standard military doctrine. It’s widely accepted that low ranking soldiers with no experience leading armies tend to make crappy Generals. NOVEL THOUGHT ISN’T IT!?
“What was the planet like? It sounds so familiar.”
“It was Autumn I believe, when these events occurred. When it was sunset, the trees would look well with one another. Sadly, I never thought about the beauty of the planet until it was all over.”
“It’s odd, because I was there.” The Interrogator-Chaplain looked at her. “I happened to be the one that had killed the fallen War Titan while I met a young officer.”
Nora: So what, she was the one who had a vision about how important Lt. Stu would be than she never recognized him? I’d expect a Farseer to be a bit more on the ball.
“Was he the one who witnessed the Eldar fighting the War Titan.”
Nora: As opposed to the Peace Titan
“How did you know?” Artemis chuckled.
“I happen to ask and he told me. Strange, you two have met before, but have never knew that you would meet again.”
“Yes, it is strange.”
Goeth: Still no reason for why the Eldar attacked that planet. They’re the type of people who go to extreme lengths to preserve their numbers, they don’t charge blindly into fights without a good reason.
Author’s Note: I know it is short on this chapter, but I knew you guys would be happy to know that I updated once in a while.
Ert: WOW! There was NOTHING to that chapter. I mean it just ended at complete random. Stupid conversation with no point being made, just to hammer in what we already knew, then chapter end. We’re gonna skip over the author replying to reviewers in the next chapter, because it really has no importance.
Goeth: You’d think that a name like Bismarck would go to a more important character thank this random extra. And you’d think it’d be spelled right.
of the Vraks was heading towards the designated location that General Siegfried wished him to go to. When the ship got out of the Warp, they met the multiple ships of the flotilla surrounding at a former ship that he recognized. “Impossible.” Stated the captain. “Someone get me the general he has to see this.” A navy officer made the sign of the Aquila before leaving the room.
Nora: And whatever you do, don’t tell him directly until he gets to the bridge. We must keep the reader in suspense! It doesn’t matter if directly radioing him what the problem is would be more efficient.
. . .
General Siegfried, Farseer Lofn, and Interrogator-Chaplain Artemis came to the bridge to see the captain. “Captain Bismark?” Asked Siegfried.
“General, I recognize this ship.”
“It’s a space hulk.”
“I know, but it’s the Judgment of Carrion.”
Ert: So how is this an “OME GO GET THE GENERAL” reveal?
“What do you know about it?”
“Nothing much, only that it is home to orks and Tyranids alike.” Soon a communications officer came to the captain.
Nora: That’s why I had to make a big deal out of this. I mean who would ever let Tyranids roam freely throughout the galaxy.
Goeth: Are they still Alpha Rachni by the way?
“Sir, we are receiving a message from the xeno fleet.” The captain turned to the general.
“Captain, allow them to talk.” Stated the general as a display of the the xeno Admiralty Board was seen. Siegfried noticed their environment suits as he could hardly notice their eyes that were dimmed down behind the dark mask. “I am Rogue Trader General Siegfried of the Imperium of Man. Who are you?” Each of the admirals introduced each other as they received the gaze the Krieger. “I would like to know what had happened.”
Ert: WHAT!? You mean you’re perfectly capable of just glazing over restating the obvious information? WELL WHY THE FUCK HAVEN’T YOU BEEN DOING THIS MORE OFTEN!? Have of the dialogue in the story has just been restating the fucking obvious! It could’ve used some serious fat trimming and this would’ve been a great way to do it.
Then one of the admirals came forward. “I am Admiral Rael’Zorah.
Ert: I THOUGHT HE ALREADY INTRODUCED HIMSELF!
My daughter is on board this ship of yours.”
“The space hulk?”
“Wait, this isn’t your ship.”
Nora: I know exactly what a Space Hulk is and how that term proves this ship isn’t Imperium controlled.
“It was until the Imperium abandoned it.”
“Why did you abandon a ship such as this?”
“We didn’t, it was lost in the depths of the warp.”
“What is this warp?”
Ert: STAY ON FUCKING TOPIC!
“Do not change the subject, right now you have a Tyranid infested ship on board.”
Goeth: A ship on board your ship? How does that work? Or is he saying a shuttle brought back some Genestealers? And if that’s he case, how does he know that?
“Tyranids? Wait, you mean those creatures? How do you know?”
“I know, let’s just leave that there. Have you boarded it?”
Nora: No, Tali just teleported onto it.
“Yes. Why do you ask?”
“Do you have anyone who was attacked by the genestealers?”
“Check for anyone who was on board, gather them together. They must be checked.”
Goeth: I guess he’s concerned that some Quarians might’ve been given the Genestealer’s kiss.
Ert: Let me copy something from my books here.
†Genestealer’s Kiss: A Genestealer possesses an ovipositor within its maw that implants the alien’s DNA into its victim, seeding the target’s body with a parasite that will grow into a hybrid creature. Once a target has been bitten by a Genestealer, he must succeed at a Challenging (+0) Toughness Test or become the host for the Genestealer’s DNA. Once a victim has become a host, the victim cares for the growing hybrid as he would for his own child until the hybrid emerges in a matter of months. A Very Hard (–30) Medicae Test can remove the Genestealer’s taint, but doing so requires a week of care in an advanced medicae facility.
Ert: So that’s a bit of a time bomb waiting to go off.
. . .
Soon, the Quarians that were on board of the space hulk were being gathered together as a transport ship was sent into the Quarian flotilla. When the doors had opened, Quarian Marines saw General Siegfried with a retinue of twelve grenadiers as he came into the ship. “Where are the Quarians that boarded the ship.” Then Admiral Rael’Zorah came to see him.
“I have them gathered here.” Soon the Admiral lead the general into a room, where there Quarians gathered together. “You are going to check them.”
Nora: Is that a typo? Because that sounds more like a question, not a statement. Rael seems to be making a lot of jumps about things he shouldn’t be able to figure out.
“Yes, but I want to know. Did anyone get attacked by the genestealers?” Everyone looked at one-another before Siegfried pulled out a data slate to show them what they looked like. A small majority of them stepped forward before Siegfried turned back to a grenadier specialist. “Was anyone sexually assaulted?”
Ert: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!? Here’s a quote on Genestealer reproduction. “Through the use of a tube-like tongue called an Ovipositor, they insert a tiny embryonic organism containing their own genetic material into a host victim.” So basically they reproduce the Face Hugger way. THEY DON’T FUCKING sexually assault someone. They essentially wipe the memory of the person they do it to and leave no marks behind, so that the person doesn’t blab about carrying a baby Genestealer hybrid. Jesus Christ EP, when did you get here?
Soon there was silence then one of them stood out from the crowd. It was a woman. Siegfried pulled out his las pistol and gunned her down before shocking the rest of the Quarians.
Nora: Oh. It’s a woman. Of course. Also apparently he electrocuted the rest of the Quarians.
“What is wrong with you!?” Demanded Admiral Rael’Zorah. “You just-”
“I’m saving you the trouble of genestealers.” Stated Siegfried as he holstered his weapon as Quarian Marines raised their weapons at him.
Goeth: Don’t mind me, I’m just gunning down one of your people without explaining why because I like having guns jammed in my face. Personally I prefer to do it at the old folks home.
“Genestealers have a knack for getting themselves within the ranks of organic species by sexually assaulting them.
Ert: NO THEY FUCKING DON’T! They hypnotize them, turn them into hosts for hybrids.
They are the scouts for hive fleets and depending on where their fleet is, they will come towards the genestealers. At the same time, the genestealers will create cult groups to disrupt your defenses from within as their fleets attack. Do you want that?” Silence came from the Admiral and the rest of the Quarians.
Nora: I could’ve told you about this BEFORE I killed your soldier, but I’m a cunt.
(Gary Stu Counter: 26)
“Isn’t there another way to-”
“No.” The Krieger stated slowly. “Once they’re infected. There is not hope. The Imperium has had these situations like these a million times.”
Ert: YES THERE IS HOPE! It’s hard as hell and you need to move fast, but it CAN be done. (Unless Rogue Trader fucked things up)
“Are you going to get my daughter?”
“Mind as well, I could get my blood warmed up with some fighting in the space hulk.” The admiral and the otherQuarians gave each other an odd glance before returning their attention back at the deathly general.
Goeth: I don’t follow this man’s logic. He kills a Quarian on the spot for having a hybrid, but is willing to go back to rescue a Quarian who, if she’s not dead, will most certainly have a hybrid in her.
Author’s Note: Fuck, I did it again. I was supposed to get a longer chapter, but I guess that wasn’t meant to be. Sorry for another short chapter.
Nora: Hey, instead of length, how about some quality? I’ll take a thousand word masterfully written chapter over five thousand chapters of nothing. Currently though I’m getting the worst of both worlds, a thousand words of nothing.
Author’s Note: Sorry for another long wait, but I am back and I plan to do more with this story now that I am taking a break from Theater of Space. If you guys are curious, it is about the COH Multiplayer factions that are in the Mass Effect universe. Check it out, read a few chapters and see what you think about it.
Ert: Is it better than this story? I’m starved for quality entertainment.
The Judgment of Carrion
Nora: Not only location tags, REDUNDANT location tags.
When they had landed in the space hulk, General Siegfried was the first to step off of his Valkyrie with two Bolter pistols in his hands as Artemis and three other Dark Angels were with him.
Goeth: His weapons keep changing. First it was las pistol, then it was las pistol and bolt pistol, now it’s two bolt pistols.
Then Farseer Lofn accompanied him to observe the surrounding area while more drop ships came in to deploy dozens of guardsmen and thirty Grenadiers into the ’empty’ ship. “Where do you think that the Quarian was last scene?” Asked Lofn.
Ert: Lofn really just mindlessly follows Lt. Stu around. And where was she last “scene”? Well maybe YOU SHOULD’VE FUCKING ASKED!
“I don’t know.” Answered Siegfried. “Never been on a space hulk before.” Then he gave a small few nods to his men. In a few minutes, patrols were already out while Lofn was puzzled by the small action.
“What did you just do?”
“I told them to patrol the ship, but in tight formations.”
“I mean, the way you ordered them?”
“Oh, that’s a Krieger thing.” Siegfried began to lead the way while there were eight Rangers along with the four Dark Angels.
Nora: Krieg is so speshul. They have so many unique culture traits that people could never hope to understand. Non-verbal communication? UNHEARD OF!
(Gary Stu Counter: 27)
Ert: Also Space Marines VERY rarely take orders from non-Space Marines. Arguably Lt. Stu would qualify due to his rank, but they don’t just mindlessly obey anyone with a high rank
(Gary Stu Counter: 28)
As they explored the ship, Siegfried could notice that there was dust in some rooms that were unused ever since it was abandoned. In other rooms, he saw ork bodies that laid on the ground.
Goeth: Lt. Stu does know that dust is dead skin cells and doesn’t tend to show up where there’s no people right?
“It looks recent.” Stated Lofn.
“How do you know that, Eldar?” Questioned Artemis.
“If you look closely at the ground, Space Marine, the dust has been disturbed.” The Interrogator-Chaplain looked down to see the Farseer’s observation.
Ert: Yeah, but that still could’ve been days ago. Not like there’s many Humans to shed more skin cells around.
“Then let’s continue.” Commented Siegfried. Suddenly, there was gunfire in the distance of a hallway. Siegfried turned his head to the right to see the dark empty hallway. In the distance, he saw orks firing off in the distance before being pushed back by genestealers. He raised his two Bolter pistols and cautiously stepped forward. “Follow me, I believe it is coming from this direction.”
Nora: *Sees Orks and Genestealers fighting* I think they might be over there. YOU DON’T SAY!
The Rangers, Space Marines, and the Farseer followed him as they crept slowly towards the other end of the hallway. However, Siegfried could hear a rumble get louder and closer towards him. “Hold here, they’re coming our way.”
The general looked closely at the dark lit hallway to see the greenskins run at him. However, they were not firing at him.
Goeth: There’s no real mystery as to what they’re firing at. You already told us. Speaking of which, I need several containment units. I’ve never studies a live Genestealer before.
Ert: Even Space Marines take heavy losses capturing those things.
Goeth: The price of science.
. . .
“Move ya gitz!” Screamed Kaptin Bluddflagg. “Dem nids ere getin kloser!”
“Wot bout da stinkin rat?” Asked Mister Nailbrain.
“Bring er along.” The two were leading dozens of other orks as they were being chased by the Tyranids in the hallways of the space hulk. Kaptin Bluddflagg looked back to fire few rounds to the back of the group as he ran. In Mister Nailbrain’s arms, Tali was being carried like a dog. However, she was in fact in the safest spot amongst the group. Then Mister Nailbrain stopped the group before Kaptin Bluddflagg heard him speak.
Nora: So the Orks are hauling Tali around because main character essentially. Also running away isn’t a very Orky thing to do.
“Wot is it, ya git?”
“Dis hallway has humies.” Kaptin Bluddflagg turned to the front of the group to see the infamous faces of the Kriegers with the Space Marines and an Eldar. The General stepped forward with two Bolter pistols in his hands.
Ert: I don’t think that Orks would know that much about the Death Korps. Or at the very least they wouldn’t be “infamous”
“So that’s what happened to the Quarian.” He commented while Kaptin Bluddflagg was more interested in the helmet he had over his head. When he stepped forward, the high ranking Krieger aimed his dual Bolter pistols at him. “Why don’t you just hand over Quarian and we can leave without a shot fired?”
Nora: Negotiating with the Orks. HA! First of all that rarely happens. Second of all when it does happens it goes more like this.
Ert: OI GIT! I da boss!
Nora: No ya ain’t ya zogging git! Iz da boss!
Ert: I da boss!
Nora: I DA BOSS *CRASH*
Ert:…Ok. Yoose da boss.
“Wot, da stinkin rat?” The Kaptin gestured the Quarian in Mister Nailbrain’s arms.
“Wot’s she to ya?”
“I don’t think an ork is in the position to speak.” Then he pointed behind the ork’s group. Then there were Tyranids turning around the corner to charge at them. “I suggest you hand her over.”
Goeth: Actually Orks are terrible shots so they’re at their best in close quarters. Space Hulks are only close quarters. He could probably massacre you and your men. Most Orks don’t really fear death, so I don’t see this one negotiating. From what we can find on Bluddflag is that he only really can be reasons with when he gets loot out of the deal. Also that he should have a ship and not be stuck on a Space Hulk
“I’ll give er to ya if ya give me ya ride off dis stinkin hellhole!” Artemis and Lofn gave each other a quick glance at each other.
“Is this ork that desperate?” She asked the Space Marine.
“I think he is.” Stated Artemis. “I never thought a greenskin would have reason.”
Nora: A handful do, but they’re a rare breed. Frankly this Ork hasn’t done enough to earn the right to be called one of the smart Orks. Hell, Warboss Grimskull from the Space Marine video game was considered to be one of the smarter Orks, because he captured enemy anti-ship turrets instead of breaking them down for scraps. And he still spent the majority of the game chasing down the main character because “I WANT THAT SPARKY THING!” Seriously. That’s how Orks act. Also here’s Bluddflag on being ambushed
“HAHA! Dese gits just made da classic blunder. Attackin’ an ork who hadn’t found ’em yet. Now we’s can stomp ’em fasta!”
Nora: He doesn’t strike me as the subtle type.
“I eard dat!” Commented Mister Nailbrains.
“Of course.” Then Siegfried placed his two Bolter pistols inside of his coat. “Follow me.”
Ert: Yeah I’m just gonna give sanctuary to FUCKING ORKS! That totally makes sense!
(Gary Stu Counter: 28)
The Krieger General lead the way back while the orks fired rapidly at the following Tyranids while screaming. “Not enugh dakka!” Once in a while. Then a vox operator was next to him while he calmly walked back to the rally point.
Goeth: Ohhh, I think this one wants to be eaten by the Genestealers. I mean why else would you calmly walk in this situation?
“Operator, inform the other patrols and get them back to their transports.” Ordered Siegfried while he took positions in the former hanger of the space hulk. “We hold the Tyranids here until all of my men leave this place.”
“Wot?’ Demanded Bluddflagg. “Why ya tricky gitz!”
Nora: Not sure what’s so tricky about setting up defensive positions.
As guardsmen began to leave the space hulk, the Space Marines aimed their Bolters at the doors while the orks aimed their makeshift guns at the door while Tali broke free of the grip of Mister Nailbrains.
Ert: So she just kind of break loose from the grip of a giant Ork? Ugh.
The Rangers had their hellguns ready while they were unnerved by the fact that there were orks among their firing line. Siegfried placed his hand in his coat and pulled out a plasma pistol.
Ert: HOW MANY FUCKING PISTOLS DOES THIS GUY HAVE!? A las pistol, two bolt pistols and now a plasma pistols?
Lofn walked next to him with her blade out while Artemis was standing firmly like a statue.
“Siegfried, why is it that I notice you pull out a new weapon every time you need to grab something from your coat of yours?” Questioned Lofn.
Nora: Pointing out the stupid parts of your story doesn’t make it less stupid.
“I was taught from the Tactical Genius to start small before implementing a secret of his on the battlefield. It happens to be my coat.” Answered Siegfried.
Ert: Creed is crying into the comforting arms of Color Sergeant Kell right now. If this is supposed to be serious, it’s too goofy. If it’s supposed to be goofy, it isn’t funny.
“Do you have ‘other’ weapons in there?”
“If you’re so curious, I do have a grenade launcher somewhere in my coat.” Lofn was somewhat impressed and terrified he could bring out such weapon out of his coat.
Nora: I’m more annoyed than anything else, because Lt. Stu needs to be so speshul.
(Gary Stu Counter: 30)
Nora: Double. One for the plasma pistol, theo there for the grenade launcher.
“Both of you can talk later when the Tyranids are not trying to eat you.” Commented Artemis. When he finished his sentence, he watched his machine spirit show red dots on his sensors. “Targets up ahead.” The group aimed their weapons at the doors while they heard thumps get closer and closer. Then the doors exploded with Hormagaunts charging out of the doorway.
Goeth: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-no. Genestealers go off on their own, they’re one of the few bioforms that can operate without the guidance of the Hive Mind, which makes sense as their job is to act as the forward scouts of the Hive Fleet. Hormagaunts CAN operate without the Hive Mind too, but only because they’re hunter-killers who are good at being hunter-killers, nothing else. They lack the sophistication of Genestealers, who can masterfully infiltrate societies. Hormagaunts wouldn’t go off to infiltrate a planet with Genestealers, mainly because the presence of the Hormagaunts would blow their cover.
Soon the orks and the rest of the group began to fire at the Tyranids in quick succession before a Carnifex broke into the room.
“Kaptin, we got a big nid!” Commented Mister Nailbrains.
“Jus shoot da stinkin bug!” Ordered Kaptin Bluddflagg. At the same time, Artemis charged forward while the Space Marines fired away.
Ert: Sounds like the Bloodlord, basically the Genestealer Alpha.
“For the Emperor!” He screamed as he swung his mace into the ocean of Hormagaunts.
Nora: If it’s an ocean of Hormagaunts, I think even a Space Marine would be dead. Especially if they’re in melee. Going into melee with Tyranids in general is doable but not recommended.
Lofn unleashed her powers while Siegfried and his Rangers fired at the incoming threat. He looked back to see that the last Valkyries with his men had left while the Vraks was sending more dropships towards the group.
Nora: A wee bit more description on the Eldar Farseer please.
“Keep firing, the next Valkyrie is coming for us.” Stated Siegfried while the Carnifex stepped forward
Ert: NO! NOOOOOOOOOO! Carnifexs would not be on a Space Hulk! Those things are walking tanks, not infiltration units, which are the only things that would be separated from the Hive Fleet. Also, CARNIFEXES CAN’T OPERATE WITHOUT THE PRESENCE OF THE HIVE MIND! It’d stumble around like a dumb animal, probably team killing along the way.
Artemis looked to see its sheer size. “Artemis, pull bag.” Ordered the general. “There is no need to fight that creature.”
Goeth: YES SIR!
Goeth: BAG BEING PULLED!
Then the next Valkyries flew in while firing the moutned heavy bolters from the side. “Into the Valkyries.” Soon the group began to run for the dropships while the Tryanids were running after them.
However, Tali was the last one running towards the dropships. “Wait for me!” Lofn took notice and tapped the Kriegsman on the shoulder.
“General, you’re forgetting about her.” The General looked down to see her climb up while the orks and the group began to fly out of the space hulk.
Ert: Hur hur hur. Lt. Stu ignored the entire reason he put his men in harms way because “funny”. Either that or he’s an asshole but we’re still supposed to root for him.
(Gary Stu Counter: 31)
Author’s Note: Yeah, it’s shorter than I expected. Well, at least I did something with this scene.
Nora: Next try doing something of substance.
Pissing off the Oddball of Krieg
Ert: This hurts already.
A Valkyrie landed inside one of the Qurian ships as they dropped off Tali with the ocean of Qurians that were coming to see them.
Ert: That’s the second time in a short time that we’ve gotten the term “An ocean of”. And what are Qurians?
Tali found her father and hugged him as he looked to see General Siegfried standing inside the transport with one hand on the hilt of his blade while the other was inside the pocket of his coat.
Nora: I guess on the grip of the melta-gun he’s hiding.
“Thank you.” Stated Admiral Rael’Zorah. Siegfried gave a simple nod with his gas mask before the transport closed the hatch. Then the transport lifted up and flew out of the Flotilla and into the Vraks.
Goeth: So his mask nodded but he himself didn’t? Masks in this story has odd face ripping off qualities. I thought I scrapped that prototype.
“Bismark, head back to the Citadel. I have issues to attend to.” Ordered the Krieger. Lofn came behind him.
“What kind of business?” She asked.
“I want to ensure that the Citadel Council doesn’t make the mistake like the Qurians did. If they ever find a space hulk then we must ensure that they don’t find any ‘specimens’ for themselves.”
Ert: Second fucking time he’s made the typo of calling the Qurians. Also, how come they’ve been in contact with the Citadel for over a year and Space Hulks are just NOW becoming a problem? Or did the Council not say “We would like information on Space Hulks”?
“You are talking about the Tyranids.”
“Yes, it’s bad enough that we have the running around in this part of the galaxy. Now we have space hulks floating around.”
“What about the orks?”
“The orks?” Then Siegfried realized it. “Frak, I forgot about the greenskins.”
Nora: This guy is a special kind of stupid. Also Space Hulks are kind of small time compared to that massive Hive Fleet that you still haven’t done a single thing about.
If one saw the scene itself, the orks and the Dark Angels were on the opposite sides of the hanger. Each of them were using crates and transports for cover as they sprayed rounds down at each other. Although inaccurate, the rounds were destructive enough to cause problems for both sides.
Goeth: Pretty sure this is the point where the Space Marines would just say “frak it” and kill all of the Orks.
Ert: Also, I know the Orks are terrible shots, but Space Marines tend to be a bit better.
“Oi! Com’on ya gitz. Les give dem Space Marines a good bitz.” Stated Kaptin Bluddflagg. Then he charged forward with a bunch of Ork nobs with chainaxes. Assault Marines and Interrogator Chaplain Artemis had charged forward to literally smash into the orks with their sheer weight.
Ert: Why did you say literally?
Above the two sides, there was a catwalk to the upper levels of the ship. The doors to those levels had opened as he came downstairs. Interrogator-Chaplain Artemis had finished a head-butt on an ork before he saw Siegfried coming down the stairs with Lofn behind him. The two sides stopped for a moment to see him.
Nora: Riiiiiight. Because the Orks will stop a pitched battle because some puny umie with an entitlement complex came in. And the Dark Angels really would ignore the enemy in front of them.
“HOW DARE YOU BREAK MY NEW FRAKKING SHIP!? IT DIDN’T GET TO SIX FRAKKING MONTHS AND SOMEHOW ALL OF YOU MANAGED TO BREAK MY FRAKKING HANGER IN TEN MINUTES!”
Goeth: “Break” his ship. Last time I checked the majority of the ship still worked. Also the hanger itself still works just fine, unless it’s been decompressed. In which case you’re all dead.
Lofn was surprised that Siegfried could even speak with his gas mask on,
Ert: Well that sounds like a huge fucking oversight if you can’t talk with that thing.
but the way his hanger was destroyed had somehow angered him. ‘Note to self. Don’t break his toys.’ She said in her mind. Then Siegfried looked to the side to see scratch marks on one of the Baneblades that were there.
Ert: “Don’t break his toys” oh please, the little brat is essentially throwing a temper tantrum.
“WHICH ONE OF YOU SCRATCHED MY BANEBLADES!?”
Nora: It’s a block sized tank princess, it was going to be getting a lot more than that.
Goeth: Personally I keyed my name into the rear bumper. I know that’s pretty tame for me, but sometimes I like to do things…LOW KEY!
Author’s Note: It is short, but I wanted to see how my readers would react to a pissed off Krieger.
Nora: Apathy and disappointment.
Ert: *Sigh* We’re doing this?
In the meadows of the planet, a Cadian guardsman was asking his sergeant. “Sir, why is this planet called Horizon?” He asked.
“Don’t know and I don’t care. Just as long as we get paid to do this.”
Nora: Engrossing conversation Sir. Also frankly the names of the planets in 40k are pretty random. Armageddon, Tyran, Cadia, Krieg, just to name a few.
“Look up.” The Guardsman did, then he was shocked to see that there was an Imperator-class Titan standing above them.
Ert: How in the ever loving Hell do you miss a Titan?
“By the Emperor. Who brought that in?”
“Me.” Stated a voice. The two looked to in one direction to see a short man with two holstered hellpistols as his collar was up to his cheeks. The two guardsmen saluted the man as he smoked a cigar in his mouth.
Ert: *Smashes face onto desk* This story once again can’t make up its mind on whether it wants to be a rather serious drama or a crack story. Just in case the author didn’t know, GENERAL CREED CAN’T ACTUALLY HIT TITANS IN USED SHELLS!
When Siegfried had returned into the Citadel, his mind was troubled that his hanger was wrecked.
Nora: Oh we never could’ve guessed, all he ever did was throw that tantrum.
However, when he was about to depart it was in a better state when the servitors and the engineers had arrived. As for the Orks and the Dark Angels, he decided to keep the Dark Angels inside the Vraks as he walked out of the Valkyrie transport with the orks and Lofn.
Goeth: Let me try to accurately portray how people would react. “GREENSKINS! FIRE EVERYTHING!”
“Why do you have the orks with you?” Asked the Farseer.
“Orks are like children. Except that they’re favorite hobby is war.”
Ert: Yeah, I think there’s a bit more to it than that. As in, war is literally the reason they exist. They were created specifically to fight wars and do nothing else.
“I doubt that you brought them out like children.”
“Nope, I just brought them out because they would do more damage to my ship.”
Nora: And you aren’t just killing them why? They’re ORKS! THEY KILL FOR FUN! They wouldn’t stop killing because Lt. Stu had a hissy fit.
Then the General and his group began to grab the attention of humans and xeno alike. However, they were looking at the orks’ sheer size and the fact that they crude weapons made out of trash and junk.
When the General had arrived at the C-Sec customs, the Turians there were surprised that there was the greenskins standing right in front of them. “Sir, is this a new race?” They asked.
“Yes.” Answered Siegfried.
“Forgive us, but we have to quarantine them to ensure-“
“They don’t have diseases that harms another race. Just let me into the Presidium and speak with the council.”
Goeth: HA! Just because Orks have sturdy immune systems and can pretty much tank any kind of disease, that doesn’t mean that they can’t be carriers. Who knows what kind of pestilence that they’ve picked up over the galaxy. Though to be frank it’s too late. They never should’ve been let off of their ship.
“Sir, it is protocol.”
“With all due respect I am a busy man whose ship has been wrecked by the orks just a few hours ago.
Nora: Yeah, the guys who wrecked my ship totally should be let through because I a smarty.
So please, just let me through before I get a Baneblade and break through.” The Turians had quickly gave him access into the place as Kaptin Bluddflagg looked around as he and his orks followed the Krieger.
Ert: Because “badass”.
(Gary Stu Counter: 32)
“Ohh, dis place is shiny. What da ya think Mister Nailbrain?”
“Dis place has enugh powah for three Daisy’s n maybe a fourt.”
“Don’t get any ideas greenskin.” Stated General Siegfried. “The last thing I want is you to break this place into ribbons.”
Goeth: I’m just bringing you along in the hopes that you butcher everyone onboard…what do you mean that’s not what he’s doing, what else could he be doing?
“Like we listen to a humie.”
“True, but you would listen to someone who has enough dakka.” Kaptin Bluddflagg was speechless that the Krieger knew about such thing.
Ert: “Knew about such a thing” the Orks refuse to shut up about it. It’s not a secret.
However, his attention was concentrated on General Siegfried’s general’s cap. Although the general didn’t care for such ‘trivial’ items, this one was the only suitable headgear that could ricochet a round from an autogun.
Nora: One, “stop” doing “this every “five” seconds. Second…uh, ok. What about headgear and autoguns?
The General and the Farseer were there to see the three councilors standing at their positions as the orks stood behind Siegfried.
“General Siegfried, what is that green thing that you have behind you?” Asked Valern, gesturing to Kaptin Bluddflagg.
Ert: Our latest blunder Councilor. Our latest blunder.
“That is an ork.”
“WHAAAT!?” Demanded Sparatus.
Nora: I’m starting to think the point of this story is just Lt. Stu being an asshole to all aliens while still somehow being the good guy.
Author’s Note: Sorry about the short chapter. I happened to be doing this at night and I wanted to just do this before I some sleep. Again, I am terribly sorry for this. I’ll try to get a chapter longer than this
Ert: Man, these chapters just have nothing to them now. Just “Go from point A to point B, Lt. Stu is a jackass, humanity awesome, Mass Effect sucks.” Also a severe lack of a point with everyone just kind of bumbling around, somehow not getting killed. Ugh. It’s just so BORING! At least all my other reviews, horrible as they were, had something going on. Well, until next time.