1171: Descendants Of A Snow Queen And A Wrecker – Chapters 1 & 2

 

Title: Descendants Of A Snow Queen And A Wrecker
Author: Pricat
Media:  Movies
Topic: Frozen/Wreck-It Ralph
Genre:  Humor/Family
URL: Chapter 1
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

 

 

 

 

Hello, dear Patrons! Ready for something a little on the odd side?

What am I saying, of course you are – otherwise you wouldn’t be in the Library.

This little gem comes from an author who has penned over a thousand different fics in numerous canons, making them one of the most prolific authors I’ve seen. They have posted regularly since 2006, yet despite this massive volume of work there hasn’t been an appreciable improvement in the quality of their writing. I actually went through their catalog of fics and randomly skimmed through several, but couldn’t tell that there had been any change at all. This baffles me to no end.

This is typically the point where I’d do an SC-style info-dump regarding the source materials, but I don’t think that’s going to be necessary; Frozen is featured far more heavily than Wreck-It Ralph, but there’s no attempt made to adhere to any canon at all.

Oh, did I mention this is a crossover fic between Wreck-It Ralph and Frozen? And that Elsa and Ralph have kids? Must have slipped my mind.

To the fic!

A/N

And the chapter starts with an Author’s Note. Because I really love punishing myself.

This was a random idea especially after listening to Tne music from Paint The Night on YouTube

I have no idea what that is.

plus Disney’s Descendants inspired this too

I do know what that is; the Disney Channel has this new series where the children of classic villains attend high school together. Basically, it’s as if a high school AU fanfic full of OCs had been made canon.

because I know peopke want Elsa to have a kid,

Yeah, but with Jack Frost. I’ve seen the fanart on DeviantArt and Tumblr.

So.

Much.

Fanart.

plus she and Ralph would make awesome parents.

An attention-starved man-child with anger issues and an emotionally stunted woman who could accidentally freeze someone via touch – I do not foresee this ending well for the child.

These are gonna be one shots about Karu and Winter, Elsa and Ralph’s daughters growing up but having fun and adventures

Not one but two OCs are going to be the focus of this fic, which apparently is actually a pair of oneshots lumped together rather than being posted separately, and one of them has a Japanese name when neither canon uses those types of names.

:eye-twitch:

Awesome.

In this one it’s summer in Arendelle but both girls are having fun plus helping Kristoff put.

Setting? What’s that?

Also – author, I think you forgot the end of this sentence.

It was summer in Arendelle as it was morning and in the castle where Queen Elsa and her sister Princess Anna lived laughter echoed as two young girls were awake, one with blonde hair like Elsa’s but the other had long brunette hair.

:falls off chair:

Sweet mercy! There’s a lot packed into one sentence. Awkward sentence structure, rushed exposition, minimal character description, comparing X to Y while failing to describe either – this author hits the ground running, don’t they?

:skims over rest of fic:

Oh, dear. Shinobi-san, take a gallon of extra-strength cough syrup down to Swenia’s rooms and offer to watch Jiwe for her.

:muffled whispering:

Of course he’s litter-trained! Probably.

They were Elsa’s daughters Winter and Karu, but their father was a certain wrecker from Niceland and the peopke of Arendelle didn’tbapprove of him but Elsa didn’t care.

It would appear that Niceland, the setting of the digital video game that Ralph originates from, is a real physical location in this AU. In the film it consists of nothing but the apartment building, a few trees, a river, and a large pile of bricks, but hopefully it is a bit more substantial in this universe.

I’m more concerned with the fact that Elsa, who is the queen, is having children out of wedlock. Ralph is their father, but there’s no indication that their parents are married and she likely couldn’t marry him. In this time period Elsa wouldn’t be able to marry whomever she wanted to; royalty had to marry for political alliance or resources, not love. Elsa would be forced to abdicate if she wanted to wed Ralph.

Karu was brunette with big hands like her father Ralph but very shy but kind and sometimes brave like her father despite being nine feet tall like her dad, as her sister Winter was like Elsa having magic, which Karu loved watching.

I’m conflicted. On one hand, I’m glad there’s some attempt at character description after several fics that had jack-all in that department, but on the other hand … Jiminy Christmas, that’s some kind of bad.

If Ralph really is nine feet tall and Elsa is an average woman of about five and a half feet tall, there’s going to be some … let’s call them “docking issues” that would have to be addressed. And poor Elsa. Karu must have been a giant baby.

“You think Mom is up along with aunt Anna?” Karu asked softly.

:headdesk:

So. Awkward. So very, very awkward.

“Maybe, but until then let’s go have fun, c’mon!” Winter said giggling as they left their room but we’re dressed already with Winter in blue clothes and Karu in red and black ones like her dad.

…What the hell does that even mean? This conversation is extremely muddled and confusing, and either switches to first-person or the author can’t distinguish between “were” and we’re”.

And Ralph wears orange and brown, not red and black.

“Hey I got a great idea sis, what if I use my magic on the stairs and we can use our toboggans to race down tnem.” Winter told her sister.

“I guess, what will Mom say?” Karu told her.

That it’s a terrible idea?

“Hey I bet when she and Aunt Anna were our age, they would do stuff like this.” Winter told her.

“Okay then, if you say so.” Karu told her.

Good idea; if things go south, you can blame it on her.

Winter then used her powers to ice the staircase as she and Karu grabbed their toboogans sliding down the stairs giggling

Why are they giggling? Icy stairs are still stairs, they are going to get rattled to bits if they make it to the bottom.

but Anna was smirking

BAAAAA!

Son of a ewe! Good thing I had the ninjas erect a wall of hay bales in the hall.

seeing this because she and Elsa used to pull such antics, hoping Elsa wasn’t up yet.

Why would she be smirking while remembering something fondly? DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TO USE THIS EXPRESSION PROPERLY?!?

“You okay guys, having fun?” Anna told tnem.

That’s asking, not telling. Interrogative, not declarative.

“Uh-Huh Aunt Anna!” both girls told her.

Just being totally reckless with our own safety! It’s not like anyone in the family has ever run afoul of ice powers before.

They were going to have breakfast having pancakes but both girls were having fun which was sweet making Anna smile along with Olaf because he loved playing with them plus Karu liked playing with Marshmallow since she was big and so was he.

… That’s all one sentence? What … What is going on here? The girls were skidding dangerously on the stairs, and suddenly – Pancakes!

Which I admit are one of the best kind of pancakes, but there is just way too much happening way too fast. Olaf and Marshmallow are there as well, and Karu is possibly as big as a twenty foot tall snow monster.

“You guys wanna go to the North Mountains and have some fun?” Anna asked seeing both youngsters nod since Tney loved playing there.

So instead of having breakfast, they are going to trek up a mountain? Anna, you need to adult better.

After eating they put on their winter coats and leaving the castle with her, Kristoff and Olaf knowing Elsa wouldn’t mind as long as they were safe.

:headdesk:

They aren’t safe in the castle! They have zero adult supervision while engaging in dangerous behaviours!

There’s a line break here, So I assume that’s the end of the scene. Such as it was.

It was now lunchtime but Elsa wondered where her daughters were unaware they were in the North Mountains with Kristoff helping him with ice stuff plus Karu liked making the ice come out using her strength, plus Winter used her powers to keep the ice cold.

:headdesk:

:headdesk:

:headdesk:

Another sentenceograph. Let’s see how many things I can find that are wrong;

  • Children run off to climb a mountain without telling their mother where they are going
  • Mother doesn’t care where children are until well past the point when she should have.
  • “Ice stuff”? What the hell does that mean? Ice harvesting? Because that’s done on lakes in the winter, not on a mountain.
  • Why is Karu molesting the ice?
  • If there’s ice, it is already cold and thus there is no need for WInter to use her powers.

That’s a lot for one lump of text.

“Oh yeah, they wanted to help Kristoff with the ice but I thought they told you.” Anna said to Elsa.

And Anna didn’t feel the need to tell the girls’ mother, the queen and her older sister, about the girls – who are heirs to the throne – that they were wandering through the woods. And it might be wintertime, as it’s cold enough for ice outside.

“It’s okay plus it’s good that they’re having fun since they are very close like us as kids plus Ralph is coming over.” Elsa told her.

Ugh. This is so hard to read. Nine years and you’re still writing like this? It’s like the damn thing’s stuck on fast forward.

Wait, Ralph is coming over? He doesn’t live there?

Anna smiled as she knew that Karu and Winter loved their father when he visited but wondered why he couldn’t live in Arendelle but it was hard for Elsa to explain, to them.

There’s a complicated explanation why Ralph, who is somehow Elsa’s prince-consort (since he isn’t of noble birth he cannot be a king), can’t live in the country he is now supposed to help rule?

I’m not going to like this, am I? Because I have a feeling the author will not be able to handle a complicated explanation very well.

And it better be more complicated than “he has to work” because any idiot can knock down a building.

Right now both youngsters were playing but having fun together and cleaned up after their antics in the North Mountains goofing around in the castle running around making Tne servants anxious but Elsa

“They’re just being kids, like what Anna and I used to do at their age.” Elsa said.

No, you didn’t! You played with a little snow in the ballroom and that ended badly. How could you think this “let the kids run up the mountain alone!’ business would end better?

She then saw Ralph here hugging him.

Him who? Who is he hugging? :shakes fic: WHAT IS GOING ON!?!?!?

“Hey sweetie, how are things like the kids?” Ralph asked her.

Things like the kids? You’re a really involved parent, aren’t you?

“Good plus they were playing in the North Mountains which they’ll probably tell you about either at dinner or bedtime.” Elsa told her husband.

Or whenever we find what the wolves don’t manage to finish. Hopefully we can get to them before spring thaw.

Both Karu and Winter were happy seeing their dad hugging him making Ralph chuckle because he loved coming home to them but they were always having fun seeing that dinner was ready entering the dining room because they were family.

… I do’t get the correlation between dinner in a dining room and having a family. Growing up I didn’t have a dining room so we ate in the kitchen; does that mean that the author doesn’t consider us a family?

And – wow. This day is passing super fast. The only real benchmarks have been the regular meals.

After dinner Ralph was playing with Karu and Winter chuckling and having fun seeing Elsa there giggling.

I have no idea who is watching whom do what. I would start drinking, but someone stole my whiskey. I blame Syl.

“It’s almost bedtime guys, since you need rest to grow.” she told her daughters making them sigh.

Damn, woman. Karu’s already nine feet tall; how much more do you want her to grow?

“Your Mom is right guys, but we can still have fun.” Ralph told them seeing them leave to go put pyjamas on.

Despite this fic having some of the worst grammar I’ve seen, the author did manage to use the proper version of “your”. I don’t know what to make of that.

“This is their favourite time of day, you know?” Elsa told her husband

The part where they bitch and moan about wanting to stay up longer and you have to go all Momzilla on them? That’s their favorite time of day?

You have some odd kids.

seeing Ralph chuckle because he cared about his kids since the day they’d been born plus was helping Karu since she was like him, letting her help wreck sometimes when Karu hung out with him like when Winter was doing royal things, or playing with other princesses.

Another lump of text that makes little sense. Ralph lets the little girl help him, which means a new character randomly appears in his game and none of the players notice her, and yet it’s difficult for Elsa to explain where Ralph goes even though Karu has been there. And why doesn’t Karu have “royal things” to do? She’s just as much a princess as her sister is, the fact that she takes after her father has no bearing on this.

That chapter was pretty short – and meandering – so let’s move on to the second one! It’s titled “Having Fun With Dad” so I assume the girls (or at least Karu) will be visiting Ralph.

A/N

And it starts with another Author’s Note. Yay.

Here’s more and hope people enjoy.

At least you spelled “people” right this time.

In this one while her sister Wonter

…But got the character’s name wrong despite it being a very common word.

is having a play date with royal friends, Karu is having fun with her dad and Vanellope.

So the first chapter ends with mention of how Karu goes off with Ralph while WInter does royal things, or plays with other princesses, and now this chapter is going to have those very scenarios?

:headdesk:

This is just painful.

giggled as she was excited because she was going to have fun with her dad because Winter was having a play date with other princesses but Karu loved playing with her dad,

The first part of the lump of text seems to be missing; I assume it was supposed to have Karu’s name there but it isn’t.

wrecking, racing with her aunt in Sugar Rush

How old are these girls? They are allowed to have icy shenanigans on a mountain by themselves, Ralph lets Karu tear down a building with him, she’s driving a car on a dangerous track … where’s CPS during all of this?

but was getting dressed humming to herself putting on a red hooded top with black sleeves and black trousers with slip on black sneakers because she couldn’t do laces, because of her big hands.

There’s jack-all in way of description, but we get clothing porn?!?

“Hey where’re you going, don’t you wanna play with me and my friends?” Winter asked her sister.

I thought she wasn’t allowed to play with the other princesses?

“It’s okay besides I’m gonna go wreck things with daddy, and race in Sugar Rush!” Karu said seeing their mother there.

I won’t lie; that sounds like a lot more fun than playing around with a bunch of bluebloods.

“C’mon you guys need breakfast, since you two have a fun day ahead of you.” Elsa told them as they followed her downstairs to the dining room since breakfast was ready seeing them eat up.

They have to have breakfast because there’s no better way to establish the time of day.

She knew that Karu was a princess like her sister but tomboyish but that was okay because she was like Ralph like how Winter was like her.

:headdesk:

Nine years and you’re still writing this way? The whole “child looks and takes after one parent” is a trope so old it has great-great-grandchildren in college getting drunk at frat parties.

“You guys are probably going to have a lot of fun, which you can tell each other about later.” Elsa told both her daughters seeing them nod excited.

But the audience probably won’t, since the narration will probably skip forward to lunch or dinner or some other meal.

Karu saw Winter’s royal friends here but she was very shy around them making Elsa understand but was seeing Ralph there seeing Karu happy because she loved being around her dad.

Why does Elsa get to understand? I’ve been diligently wading through this thing and I’ve managed to just become more confused. Nothing makes any bloody sense because it’s rushed as hell and vague to the point of obscurity in some places.

There’s another line break, so I guess it’s time to have fun with Ralph.

Karu giggled as she was in the bakery building a kart for herself so she could race with her aunt and her friends but Vanellope was curious about the little wrecker princess because Ralph had to,d her that she lived in Arendelle, with her sister Winter and her mother Elsa.

There’s the Karu that was missing from the beginning of the chapter; it saw the identical sentence structure and slipped down here to this lump of text.

Karu has apparently made multiple trips here with her father, and Ralph presumably goes to Arendelle on occasion, so why is Vanellope only now becoming curious? Wouldn’t she have questioned Ralph the first time he brought the girl by? Karu considers her to be an honorary aunt?

“Winter is playing with her princess friends right now, back home which is why I was with my dad but we have fun.” Karu told her.

Is Vanellope one of those characters that doesn’t remember the prior day’s events? Because they have to have had a conversation like this before. Karu supposedly visits every time Winter’s friends come over to play so this can’t be the first time she’s been here.

“That makes you a wrecker princess you know?” Vanellope told her.

“I like the sound of that, you know?” Karu said to her.

So does the author, who used THAT EXACT PHRASE in the previous lump of text. It’s right there :points: I can still see it on my screen.

Vanellope chuckled as they were racing but having fun hoping maybe sometime Winter would want to hang out with them but Ralph smirked

BAAAAA!!

MORE HAY, SHINOBI-SAN! I NEED MORE HAY! And throw in some Big League Chew, that should slow him down.

watching because it was cute plus ear

ier Karu had done some severe wrecking letting put her anger since sometimes she got like that back home, but Elsa and the others helped her, but Ralph just let Karu wreck it out of her system so she was more calmer, than when she was angry.

I did nothing to alter the presentation of this; it was posted with this bizarre mid-word jump in place. Not only is the sentence run-on, disjointed, and horribly rushed, it has an artifact like an “l” replaced with a carriage return in it. Those two keys aren’t even near each other on the keyboard!

And the author STILL POSTED IT. Nine years of writing and they still let shit like this pass as their work. It just makes me so very angry. This is not how a writer works; if you haven’t learned to spot a glaringly obvious mistake like this after writing for so long, then you seriously need to reevaluate your writing habits.

He knew that she liked being around him plus loved building with blocks and then wrecking what she’d made like her dad which she loved.

So Ralph teaches his daughter how to channel anger and aggression into physical violence? Crackerjack parenting there, Dad. :double thumbs-up: Swell job.

That’s all for this fic; it’s relatively recent so there may be more chapters forthcoming. This author is quite prolific so it might be more a question of “when” and not “if” there are more chapters.

 

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27 Comments on “1171: Descendants Of A Snow Queen And A Wrecker – Chapters 1 & 2”

  1. AdmiralSakai says:

    It was summer in Arendelle as it was morning and in the castle where Queen Elsa and her sister Princess Anna lived laughter echoed as two young girls were awake, one with blonde hair like Elsa’s but the other had long brunette hair.

    OH MY GOD

    Ladies and gentlemen, I think we may have found the next Iegolas by Iaura.

  2. I’m more concerned with the fact that Elsa, who is the queen, is having children out of wedlock. Ralph is their father, but there’s no indication that their parents are married and she likely couldn’t marry him. In this time period Elsa wouldn’t be able to marry whomever she wanted to; royalty had to marry for political alliance or resources, not love. Elsa would be forced to abdicate if she wanted to wed Ralph.

    I doubt it- assuming Ralph is still on good terms with the FPS troopers, he has access to more than enough firepower to make his mating politically acceptable.

  3. "Lyle" says:

    Dear Cracker-Jackin’ Jeebus. What the hell did I just read? It’s like the author just let his/her brain vomit the first thing it thought of onto the screen.

    And here’s the thing: I’m sure I could take the vague concept of Ralph and Elsa having kids and spin it into at least a marginally readable story. The concept doesn’t make sense in itself, but anything I could brain-puke all over my word processor would be better than this tripe. How the hell do you find these, Ghostie?

  4. "Lyle" says:

    Giggling is going to become the new smirking if this continues. Do these girls do anything besides laugh and “have fun”?

  5. agigabyte says:

    I would start drinking, but someone stole my whiskey. I blame Syl.

    Goddess: *Has a coughing fit, then glances off screen*

  6. agigabyte says:

    An attention-starved man-child with anger issues and an emotionally stunted woman who could accidentally freeze someone via touch – I do not foresee this ending well for the child.

    Cain: Probably going to be more screwed up than anyone raised in the Library.

  7. TacoMagic says:

    it was cute plus ear

    Ahh, Calculus.


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