1163: Kamen Rider Ryuki: A Rider’s Persona – Chapter Two, Part 2

Title: Kamen Rider Ryuki: A Rider’s Persona
Author: Nero Angelo Sparda
Media:  TV Shows/Video Games
Topic: Kamen Rider Ryuki/Persona
Genre:  Adventure
URL: Kamen Rider Ryuki: A Persona’s Soul Chapter 2
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck

Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back for more Kamen Rider Ryuki: A Persona’s Soul! Well, last week, we got some more awkward purple prose… so who’s looking forward to more awkward beige prose?


Too bad, ‘cause you’re getting it anyway! Let’s dig right in, shall we?

We open with this:


I see he’s taking a cue from Legendary Adventures, Futuristic Saviors, huh?

So lemme guess, right? Since we’re going back to this fic, this half of the chapter will open with a run-on sentence.

When they got to Yui’s place they saw a dark blue and black motorcycle parked in front of it and Yui smiled at the sight of it, recognizing it and knew the owner of it.

Ah, don’t you love it when you’re right about this?

Also, she recognized the motorbike and knew who its owner was? Isn’t it implied that you know who owns the damn thing if you recognize it? It feels a little—


Oh fuck me.

*hides under the desk*

Crunchy! Cue the Tokusplosions again, please!

[Scene Redacted for Extreme Violence]

Thank you.

She quickly rushed inside the café, Riku following her and when they went inside they saw a young man a little older than them talking to Yui’s grandmother, both of them turned to the doorway when they saw the two they smiled.

So there’s a man there, aaaaaand he is…

The young man had black spiky hair and grayish eyes. He was wearing a black formal dress shirt underneath a black jacket and dark blue pants and black shoes.

Another count on the buzzer.

*hits buzzer*

Fashion Police Needed Count: 11

And then he is also…

“Keisuke!” Yui cried hugging him, the man now known as Keisuke hugging her back.

“Riku this is an old friend of mine, Keisuke Akiyama.

And here’s reader-supplied character number two:

Kamen Rider Ryuki Rider's Persona Reader Character 8

And… he’s basically a complete carbon copy of Ren, if he were de-aged and written out by someone with the grammatical abilities of a preschooler.


Well, I can’t fault this person for trying to inject the familiar Ryuki characters back into the fold. I’m not sure how it’s gonna work with Ryuki himself being replaced by this uninteresting Stu, but hey: stranger things have happened ‘round here.

Anyway, Riku is introduced to Keisuke, and Keisuke thanks Riku for looking out for her. Riku is like “no problem, and hey, she helped me out” (which is fair, ‘cause she did), and then Keisuke is all “I was worried about her, but turns out I had no reason to worry without me there”.

Keisuke this is Riku Yamato,” Yui introduced the two, happy to see her old friend.

“I might be okay at the moment Keisuke, but it’s always nice to see you again when you get a break from collage,” Yui said,


Wait, we’re only halfway through the second chapter and we’re already on the episode that uses recycled footage to save money? What the hell, author!? And why the hell is Keisuke the only one this applies to? You’re literally making him take part in something when he’s had exactly a minute of page time! How the hell are you going to make a collage out of that!?

causing Keisuke to smile slightly and then ruffle her hair, causing her to groan at the gesture.


*checks description of Keisuke*

“Lone Wolf”, huh? And yet he’s going around ruffling his friends’ hair like he’s a friend to all children or something like that. ‘Cause that’s how characterization works, right?

We then get an infodump about the history with the college accident that the character’s profile mentioned. We then find out about Rika, and—

*record scratch*

Whoah! Hold the phone there, what did you just say?

“Keisuke how’s Rika doing?” Sanako asked, somewhat hoping that he would answer. Riku was curious who Rika was and moved over to Yui, hoping that Sanako and Keisuke were to wrapped up in their conversation to notice him.

“Who’s Rika?” Riku whispered to Yui.

“Rika is Keisuke’s girlfriend, she was injured in the fire and is in the hospital,” Yui answered quietly, making Riku nod his head in understanding.

“Her condition hasn’t changed, but she should get better eventually…I just wish that I could’ve found her before the fire caught her.”

“But-” Keisuke tried to say.

“Enough of that Keisuke, Rika wouldn’t want you blaming yourself for what happened to her,” Sanako said sternly.

“Fine,” Keisuke said reluctantly, but everyone could tell that he still blamed himself.


Okay, Nero Angelo Sparda: you are not allowed to write lone wolf characters anymore. I say this, because you can’t write them for shit. I mean, you are aware that lone wolf characters typically don’t open themselves that much to anyone, even total strangers, right?

Seriously, let’s look at Ren and Eri in the context of the proper Ryuki series so you can see what I mean:

So we start Ryuki, right? And we have Ren running around mostly on his own. He tends to hang around Yui a lot, but once Shinji enters the picture? Yeah, Ren and Shinji bump heads a lot during the series. They still remain each other’s best friends through the Rider War, but for every scene where they get along there’s usually an accompanying one where they’re butting heads, even fighting! Granted, you can’t do the same thing with Riku because Riku completely lacks Shinji’s optimism (and that optimism was one of the things that irked Ren the most about Shinji), but it’s important to keep that in mind.

Why? Because lone wolfs don’t express affection openly; at least, not to people they don’t know very well. They’re also prone to disagreeing with people fairly easily.

The point is, it took Shinji a while to get Ren to come out of his shell towards him, and Ren doesn’t even acknowledge Shinji is his best friend until the second to last episode of the series! And before then? Yeah, Shinji had to find out Eri’s existence through some sleuthing of his own since Ren wouldn’t fucking tell even Yui about Eri!


Lone wolfs do not open up that quickly. Especially not in an attempt to regurgitate the entire history of a character as it was written on a profile so you can appease your readers.

Characterization. You do it wrongest.

After this, Keisuke leaves saying he has to stop by Junes (yay, more Persona 4 locations), and then the motorcycle takes off. Riku also leaves, and then notices that his tank’s almost empty. He then goes to the gas station, and then—

“Hey need a filler up?” a person asked. Riku turned around and saw a girl with long wavy gray hair, red eyes, and a pale complexion and wore a gas station uniform with orange and white lines on it.

Fuck it, I’m counting it.

*hits buzzer*

Fashion Police Needed Count: 12

“Yeah the tank’s almost empty,” Riku answered, when she come closer he gave her a couple bills to pay for the gas, which she accepted and placed inside her pocket.

“You’re in high school right?

What Riku should say: “uh, how did you know that despite the fact that we’ve never met?”

What he actually says: absolutely nothing.

We need some part timers here and you’ll be bored to tears if you don’t have a job or something to keep you busy,”

Yes, but why are you—

she said, as she brought the nuzzle of the hose around and placed it inside the gas tank.


Wow. I did not know that cars liked that level of PDA! That’s… actually a fairly startling discovery…

“Look you don’t have to answer right away, but just give it some thought okay?” She said, holding her hand out for her to shake.

Uh, I don’t know why you would want to shake your own hand in front of a complete stranger, lady. What, do you think he’s a recruiter for Cirque Du Soleil or something like that?

Riku shook her hand and for just a moment her eyes widened in surprise about something.

“You okay?” Riku questioned, wondering why she seemed surprised.

Because we totally can’t figure that out from the fact that he asked in the first place!

*hits buzzer*

Readers Are Stupid Count: 17

I swear to God, if this keeps up, I’m just going to pummel this author with the FCAT or something like that.

“Uh yeah, I just remembered something important,” she replied, walking away. After she did Riku pulled the hose out of the tank and placed it back and before he could get back on his motorcycle he felt a migraine come along.

Riku groaned as he placed one of his hands on his motorcycle and brought his other hand to his head. After a couple minutes his migraine passed. He breathed deeply in and out to make sure that it was gone and when he was sure that it was gone he put his helmet back on and started his motorcycle, leaving the gas station.

So Riku had a migraine, and… absolutely nothing happened…

Well, that was entirely pointless, wasn’t it?

Anyway, on the drive home, Riku hears the ringing that signals the coming of a mirror world monster. He runs over to Junes, and then he arrives just in time to stop a little girl from becoming monster chow. She tells him to run off (which most Librarians would yell at him over since, you know, doesn’t keep her safe, but that’s generally what the riders in the actual series do anyway so I’ll excuse it here), he does the Henshin routine. He then jumps into the mirror, and—

When he emerged on the other side he was in a pod like vehicle known as the Ride Shooter. He stopped the Ride shooter and after he did the roof of the vehicle.


Um… Is sex with the roof of your car a thing? ‘Cause if it is a thing, I don’t know why it’s a thing.

And also, yay, we get the Ride Shooters! Not that they’re important… ‘cause they don’t really do much… and they just sit there during most of the action…

Yeah, the Ride Shooters were generally fairly pointless in the actual series too. I don’t know why you’d keep that detail of all the details you could’ve kept, but whatever.

After the buckles detached themselves from his form Ryuki cautiously got out and looked for any sign of the Mirror Monster.

Which should be right there, but hey.

And after that, more awkward action!

The mirror monster leaped down in front of him and scratched at him with its claws, knocking Ryuki back into a wall. The monster leaped at him again and Ryuki quickly moved to the side and punched it and then swung his other arm at it again. When it swung its arm Ryuki stepped back and then punched it and then swung his leg around and kick its back, sending it tumbling away.

*raises arms*


Well, it could be worse. It could be those random “and then Ryuki used this strategy and was successful” the way that stupid Legend of Dragoon fanfic does. It’s not saying much, but at least it’s actually describing some body movement. Now if only the description weren’t re—


Crunchy! You know what to do!

[Scene redacted for extreme violence]

Thank you.

Unknown to him

Then why are you telling it to us while implying the scene is from his POV?


a young man on the other side of Junes saw the little girl walking around, but then heard the ringing of the Mirror World and saw that a Mirror Monster was following her in the windows.


Oh for fuck’s sake, is this gonna be more fucking plot regurgitation? ‘Cause if this is regurgitating the strain of plot I think it is…

Anyway, the man then does the Henshin pose, and then we cut back to Ryuki.

Advent!” Ryuki’s Visor announced.

Dragreder let out a roar as it flew towards Ryuki. Ryuki turned around and saw Dragreder flying toward him and saw his contracted Mirror Monster open its mouth and let out a large blast of fire at the Gazelle Mirror Monster.


You have to love how this action scene has absolutely no tension whatsoever. It’s like dramatic tension is just that thing other people do, right?

Anyway, the monster dodges, blah blah, he pulls out the Final Vent, he uses it, the monster dies… and then

When Ryuki landed he let out a breath of relief, but before he could make his way to where he came from he heard a monster hit the wall and fall onto the ground. He turned toward the source and saw another Gazelle Mirror Monster, except this one was gold and blue.

Final Vent!” He heard a Visor announce.

Ryuki’s eyes widened underneath his helmet in surprise, he knew that he would be meeting another Kamen Rider at some point, but he didn’t think that it would be this soon.

Riku, there are at least thirteen other riders throughout the series. How did you not think you’d bump into a Rider so soon?

And besides, you watched Ryuki as a kid, remember? So if you did that, explain to me how the hell it is that you don’t remember that Shinji technically met Ren in his Rider form before he ever actually contracted! That should give you a pointer right there that you can bump into other riders at any damn time!

He heard someone let out a war cry and saw a large black drill fly down toward the Mirror Monster, no doubt the Kamen Rider.

Yep, that’s Knight’s Final Vent. In which his long-ass cape twists around him and turns him into a giant screw.

And that means yes, this is also more plot regurgitation of one of the early episodes. Joy.

And then, we see this:

When the Kamen Rider hit the Mirror Monster the Mirror Monster exploded in a ball of orange fire, sending out a glowing orb that was similar to the one the Dragreder had consumed just now. To his surprise a bat like Mirror Monster screeched as it flew out of the fire and ate the ball. Ryuki watched cautious amazement as the smoke cleared away, revealing the Kamen Rider that was surrounded in a ring of fire.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I allow you to call Dragon Rider Knight “Batman”. ‘Cause Knight’s contract monster is a bat.

You can now make all the jokes you want about the Kanzaki café being the Batcave. And the fact that the Batmobile is a motorcycle now.

But of course…

The Kamen Rider’s helmet was black with a silver visor that that had vertical slits that ran across the visor with a silver mouth guard that had silver fangs on it. His chest armor was black with the chest plate being silver and segmented, giving it the appearance of a bat. On his shoulder he wore pointed silver shoulder guards that had sockets in the middle of them and silver knee pads that were also sockets. He had black boots and black gauntlets on his hands that had sockets on them, just below his elbow. He wore a silver belt on his waist with a black Advent Deck in the center of it with golden lines on it that resembled a bat. Underneath the armor he wore a dark blue bodysuit. In his hand was a black rapier which had a bat shaped guard.

It was Kamen Rider Knight.

*hits buzzer*

Fashion Police Needed Count: 13

Seriously, how the fuck is this really happening? There’s enough costume porn here to put My Immortal to shame! How do you even do that!?

Ryuki stared at his fellow Kamen Rider, looking at him as he tensed in anticipation and fear, waiting for him to attack. He was afraid, not only because the Kamen Rider would be attacking to kill him, but also because he wasn’t sure he could end it if he had the chance. Killing a monster was one thing, but killing a person that was something else entirely.

Yeah yeah, you know what might be nice? If you showed us more than just “he tensed in anticipation” as a form to show his fear. You know, instead of telling us most of it.

When Knight turned around he saw the Dragon Rider staring at him and could tell which Rider this one was.

“Ryuki,” Knight said, looking at the dragon Rider.


Wait, so Riku and Keisuke (come on, it’s spoiled in the reviewer’s profile, we all know it’s Keisuke) have met… and yet they don’t recognize each other’s voices at this stage? That… strikes me as being all kinds of stupid.

Shiro Kanzaki had told him about his fellow Kamen Riders and that at the moment only two others off the thirteen were in the tournament at the moment.


What? When the hell did that happen? All Riku-Stu was told was that there would be other Riders, without Shirou going into who they were! He never knew this! So what the fuck is this?


Consistency, Nero Angelo Sparda! Have you heard of it!?

Knight calmly walked toward his fellow Rider and then ran at him with his sword raised into the air, intending to attack him.

When Knight swung his sword down Ryuki stepped to the side causing the sword to miss and then stepped back when Knight swung his sword to the side. Ryuki then tackled the Knight-themed Rider and ran into the wall behind him. Knight grunted from the blow and proceeded to bring down the pummel of his sword onto Ryuki’s back, making him grunt from the blow.

Knight kept hitting Ryuki’s back making him hiss and groan from the blow. Ryuki then used his forearm to block Knight’s sword arm and then punched his head with his other arm. Knight stumbled to the side from the blow, before Ryuki could press his attack, Knight had swung his sword, his sword hitting Ryuki’s chest and making him cry out in pain from the blow.

Ryuki stumbled back from the blow and before he could react Knight had swung his sword at him, causing him to fall onto the ground.

When Ryuki hit the ground he let out a hiss of pain and saw that Knight swinging his sword down at him, Ryuki quickly rolled to the side, dodging the sword and then kicked Knight’s leg, making it give out under him. Ryuki quickly stood up and took several steps back, getting ready for when Knight would attack him again.


You know, it’s kind of sad that the first half-decent action scene we’ve gotten in the Library in a long while is also boring as hell thanks to daybook prose. It takes a special amount of fail to have an evenly-balanced action scene be boring as fuck.

Nero Angelo Sparda, you found that way.

We then cut to:

Outside of the Mirror World Yui was walking down the street to Junes. She was going to Junes because Sanako had asked her to while she dealt with the customers that were there.

It strikes me as being counterintuitive that Sanako would send Yui to Junes while she deals with customers… in Junes. Even though Sanako isn’t there to deal with those customers. And why would they be customers of her café if her café isn’t actually in Junes?

Anyway, knowing Kamen Rider Ryuki

When Yui turned the corner she had to resist the urge to gasp when she saw Riku’s motorcycle and ran toward it to see if it really was his, when she got closer she saw that it really was his.

She then looked into the nearest mirror and saw in the Mirror World that Ryuki fighting another Kamen Rider. She quickly ran across the street, bumping into people as she ran to get a closer look at the two fighters.

Yep. That’s about what I thought.

We cut back to the fight between Knight and Ryuki where Knight then uses a card that allows him to make Shadow Clones, while Ryuki pulls out a card that allows him to perform Falcon Punch. (Well, okay, technically they’re called “Trick Vent” and “Strike Vent” respectively, but the associations can be made by just about anyone well-versed in pop culture!) They fight a bit, Ryuki destroys the clones, they fight, and then Ryuki uses his Sword Vent, they fight some more, they’re evenly matched……

Before either of them could attack one another again, their armor began to fizzle, causing the two to stop as they looked at their forms.

And they stayed in there too long. I’m not going to dock the fic for this: it adheres to the rules of the canon, and eighty percent of the Rider fights end like this in the canon anyway, so there’d be no point.

“We’re out of time Knight,” Ryuki said, getting a nod of agreement from his fellow Kamen Rider. Knight had been informed by Shiro about what would happen if he had stayed in the Mirror World for too long and while he wanted to finish the fight with Ryuki, he didn’t want to run the risk of being disintegrated in the Mirror World.


Thank you author, I’m sure we would never have been able to tell given that Knight nodded in agreement with Ryuki. Nope, we’re too fucking stupid to figure that out!

*hits buzzer*

Readers Are Stupid Count: 18

They then fight some more, and then Ryuki steps out of the mirror to see Yui there. They talk a bit, and then they’re like “well, we have thirteen more riders to go before all this is revealed. And then, we cut to this:

He then saw the little girl from earlier with a man that seemed to be her father looking at her worryingly and then kiss her forehead as the little girl hugged her father and cried a little, causing Riku to smile that he managed to save her. He might have to take the lives of the other Riders, but it felt good to protect people from the monsters inside the Mirror World.

Uh… Nero Angelo Sparda, you realize that you specifically wrote Riku to be different from Shinji, right? So why the fuck is Shinji’s canon characterization sneaking in there?


Nero! Characterization! You do it wrongest!

Anyway, we then cut to…


Ghostie, you may now sic Gumdrop on this fic.

Knight ran through the Mirror World, running back toward the Mirror that he had entered from and jumped through it. After he did his armor shattered like glass off of his body and revealed who he was. The person wore mostly black clothing and had black spiky hair as well, but that was all that could be made out since the lack of light covered his face from view.


Oh goddammit, he’s trying to treat the identity of Knight as a reveal?


I’m starting to wonder if you ever actually watched Ryuki. Between forcing new characters into the parts of all the Riders, not even writing them well, and the fact that you’re treating the identities of several Riders as these overarching mysteries when even the show itself treated the identities of its various Riders as mysteries for a grand total of the episode the new Rider is introduced in

Jeez, dude, what the actual shit?

Got to admit, Ryuki held his own against me pretty good,’ Knight thought to himself, thinking about his encounter with Ryuki. ‘That’s one down now that leaves only one unknown, but what is the other one like?’

He’s probably gonna be the Kamen Rider who is watching this whole thing and contracted with Shirou to put an end to this stupidity.

And then we get this:

Whatever the other Kamen Riders are like it won’t matter in the end, because just like Ryuki I will take them down,’ he thought to himself. Knight then looked down at his Advent Deck and studied the symbol on it, remembering his encounter with the bat Mirror Monster and making his contract with it.

No matter who they and what they are like, I will take them down in the end. I won’t lose, I can’t afford to lose! Not when I failed you,’ Knight thought to himself. He then slipped his Advent deck into his pocket and walked out of the alley way.

Yeah, yeah, standard “I’ll succeed where nobody else will to protect you” speech. Move long, there’s nothing new here.

That voice sounded familiar,’ Knight thought recognizing the voice from a person that he had met earlier today. There was a possibility that he was Ryuki, but he couldn’t just accuse him of it. There are some people that sound similar to one another out there and he couldn’t just say he was Ryuki and possibly be wrong. He would wait and see if he was really was Ryuki first and see if he was right.


So basically, this is the author’s way of saying “hey, these characters did recognize each other’s voices, but I’m not going to have them come to the obvious realization because the plot needs them to not know who they are!

I mean, shit, I know that there was the episode that played on the fact that Shinji didn’t know that Kitaoka was Kamen Rider Zolda, but that worked ‘cause Zolda didn’t talk much around Ryuki! (Well, that, and Shinji is kind of an idiot in the early part of the series. He grows out of it, though.) This is just stupid!

And then we cut to…

Between Realms


In a unknown place a man wearing a white suit with a black formal dress shirt underneath and a black tie. His face couldn’t be seen because he wore a white butterfly mask with a small golden area on the right side that resembled a butterfly’s wing.


Um… who the hell is this?

He had felt a person enter this world by another being.

At first he was afraid that it was caused by Nyarlathotep, but he was relieved to find out that it wasn’t him and he was still banished to parts unknown, but that made him wonder what was the being like. The being that had broken through the barriers between the dimensions was not as powerful as him or Nyarlathotep to be sure, but the being was strong in its own right.


Give me a second, guys.


*Three Hours Later*

Okay. After talking to Ert about this, he says that this here is Philemon.

This guy.

He says that he’s Nyarlathotep’s opposite, made a bet to see if humans would evolve, yada yada… He’s the Big Good of Persona, basically. He also tells me that this isn’t too far OOC (shockingly):

The being gave off the same aura as the world behind the mirrors and the monsters that dwelled inside it, and he had just felt several people obtaining the same power. Did that mean that the being was giving people the abilities of the monsters? What reason would he do that?

For now he could not see the being for himself, the being itself were out of his reach. When he came to that town years ago to learn about that anomaly years ago was when he first learned about the world behind the mirrors, and the monsters that dwelled inside it, but one person there had caught his interest.

Yui Kanzaki

The girl could see them unlike everyone else there. It was because of her that he had been able to see the monsters inside the mirrors.

It appears I will have to keep a close eye on Inaba,’ the man thought. For now he would do what he had always done. For now he would watch and observe as events unfold and perhaps introduce himself to one of the beings that had obtained the being’s power in the future.

Yeah, he pretty much watches and shit. While doing the daybook prose. Because that’s how we do it around here.

After that, we get a line break, and we jump into an author’s note!

So what does Nero Angelo Sparda have to say for himself?

Well I hope everyone liked it and let me know what you think.

Well I most certainly did not enjoy it, between all the times you insulted my intelligence and couldn’t write a consistent character! And I did let you know what I thought, just so you know.

And then we get this:

Ryuki – Riku Yamato (Nero Angelo Sparda)

Ryuga – Revealed Later

Knight – Keisuke Akiyama (Toa Solaric)


Are you for fucking real, author? For real?

First off, what is the purpose of putting this in an author’s note? If your answer was “no purpose”, then congratulations: that will mean that my answer to your question “should I take it out” is a massive fucking “YES YOU FUCKING SHOULD!!

And second… if you’re going to go through all this trouble to make sure you keep Kamen Rider Knight’s identity a secret, what the fuck would possess you to think that spoiling it in the fucking author’s note is anywhere near a good idea? That’s just bad storytelling right there!

Ohja – Taken Will be revealed Later (Oc I have in mind)

Oh, gee, so you did plan an OC in there, then? So why the fuck didn’t you plan anyone else! That would’ve been easy as shit to do!

Gai – Free

Raia – Free

Zolda – Free

Imperer – Free

Femme – Free

Tiger – Free

Scissors – Free

Verde – Free

Odin – Free

Oh, so you’re doing this to keep a log of which Riders are open. Aside from the fact that Odin is free (which strikes me as being especially cruel, considering that you’re consigning whoever gets to be Kamen Rider Odin to the whims of Shirou Kanzaki and nobody wants that shit), this just…

Ugh. You know what? I touched on my issues with this the last time I bitched about it, so I’ll just leave it be for now.

Next chapter will get into the Persona 4 Story line. In a way this chapter leads up to what happens during the Protagonist’s arrives.


Wait, so he’s not taking the place of the protagonist… despite the fact that he’s basically done all the same stuff the protagonist of Persona 4 has done? So he’s taking the role of P4’s protagonist, yet he’s not doing it.


Nero, at least you made up your mind when you took over Shinji’s role as Ryuki. Can you make up your mind here?

Please review and let me know what you think.

You already told us to do that!

And I did that way back when. As of this writing, I have yet to receive a response, so that gives me full confidence that you’re another of those authors who just wants to be buttered up.

And for those of yo that have played Persona 1 and 2 know who the man at the end is. I’m not sure how much of a role i can truly give him, but he will play a role in this story.

Most assuredly, it’ll be the role of an asspull that will make the Rider War end happily. Come on, this is the Library, you know that’s the only role Philemon’ll have, even if it doesn’t make sense with the more bittersweet ending of Persona 2.

Also just because i introduce your Oc at the moment doesn’t mean that there confirmed for the role it just means that at the moment you have a good chance to get the role.

Then why the fuck did you put them—


You know what? I’m just moving on.

Also if you like this story then please review and let me know what you think.


Stop. Fucking. Telling. Us. To. Review. We got it the first two times you said it.


And if you like this one check out my Kamen Rider Blade Story and my other stories and review to let me know what you think.

Well, frankly, even if it weren’t for the fact that I haven’t watched Blade yet, I wouldn’t read it because I actually don’t like to have my intelligence insulted by someone who doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing. So there you go.

Anyway, that’ll be all, patrons. I’ll see you guys next week!


26 Comments on “1163: Kamen Rider Ryuki: A Rider’s Persona – Chapter Two, Part 2”

  1. AdmiralSakai says:

    When they got to Yui’s place they saw a dark blue and black motorcycle parked in front of it and Yui smiled at the sight of it, recognizing it and knew the owner of it.

    … and then Strider said”Legolas”and then Legolas said”Strider long time seen” and then Strider said”hows you”and then Legolas said”I am fine”and then Gandalf said”whos this then”and then Legolas said”meet Laura I found her in the woods when she was just a baby”.

  2. erttheking says:


    I know some people have a hatred for time/location stamps, but I have a special hatred for VAGUE time/location stamps.

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      I remember time/date stamps were one of the things that They Chose to Remain actually did pretty well. Probably because 1) they were very specific, and 2) it was a military SF setting where it actually made sense for people to be watching their chronometers and GPSs all the time.

      I almost included them in Palaven’s Dogs, but I figured the less that ‘fic had tying it to TCTR the better. I might actually go back and include them because they did actually work out very well and the story is a bit short on detailed chronological information in its current state, but in doing that I’ve realized a very important thing about how to write timestamps well: write your chapter first without them, and then add them in later.

  3. erttheking says:

    Oh boy, another fan made character? Considering that they were shoved in without rhyme or reason I’m just gonna tune them out. Ok? Ok.

  4. erttheking says:

    So Mr. Stu runs into the gas station attendant that Yu Narukami runs into when he first gets into town and she says what she said to him? Of course. Also the head ache that Mr. Stu got, Yu got too. And it ended up being VERY important.

  5. erttheking says:

    Though Philemon being here doesn’t really much sense considering it’s Persona 4. Both he and Nyarlathotep haven’t been seen since Persona 2. I do believe Philemon gave people the ability to use Personas, but Persona 3 onward gave new ways. What ACTUALLY happens and how the characters in 4 get their Personas is kind of a major plot point.

  6. "Lyle" says:

    In a unknown place a man wearing a white suit with a black formal dress shirt underneath and a black tie. His face couldn’t be seen because he wore a white butterfly mask with a small golden area on the right side that resembled a butterfly’s wing.

    You missed one.

    *smacks the buzzer*

    Fashion Police Needed: 14

  7. leobracer says:

    If this guy couldn’t properly write the OCs that he asked for, then why did he even ask for them in the first place?

    When I gave eddman2, the author of Combat Racing, my OC, I had asked him to be written as being somewhat emotionless.

    Even though the character I gave didn’t appear until the end of the story, when he did appear, guess what? He acted exactly as how I asked him to be written.

    Even though eddman2 never got a chance to go through with the whole story, he at least knew how to write characters the way that they were meant to be written.

    Unlike this idiot here.

    • Herr Wozzeck says:

      He asked ’cause he couldn’t be bothered to come up with ideas himself, so he thought to ask other people to give him those ideas.

      Which then brings up the question of why the fuck he thought to write this in the first place, but fuck it.

  8. TacoMagic says:

    And yet he’s going around ruffling his friends’ hair like he’s a friend to all children or something like that.

    Please tell me that was a Gamera reference.

    • Herr Wozzeck says:

      Actually, I was making a reference to Ryuki itself. ‘Cause Ryuki has Gorou, who is Kitaoka’s Butler, and is the friendliest friend to all children, who has ridiculous amounts of ho yay with his asshole boss.

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