1158: Rei: A New Kind Of Princess – Chapter Three

Title: Rei: A New Kind Of Princess
Author: Osane
Media:  TV Show / Cartoon
Topic: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre:  Adventure / Romance
URL: Chapter Three
Critiqued by agigabyte

agig: Welcome back to Rei: A New Kind of Princess! *Gulps down a glass of water* God, just saying the title puts a bitter taste in my mouth. Now, without further ado, the chapter.

Chapter 3: Quarrel

Rei flew up toward the figure to find that it was empty. Rei looked confused, wasn’t that Avatar boy supposed to be on it? “Excuse me, bison, what’s your name?”

agig: So she can talk with Bisons? What?

The strange bison yawned.

“Ah, I see. Are you going to get your owner?”

He yawned again.

“Really? Tell me all you know about them.”

Can talk with animals that usually can’t be understood: Check

Rei positioned herself on the saddle, Prince Zuko was close by on the ship. She hoped she was doing the right thing, but how could she know? She could read his mind and see what he’s thinking, but that would make her meddlesome.

agig:  Why would Appa let her on? She’s wearing the garb of a firebender, and Zuko’s ship is nearby? *Slaps forehead* Of course! The Suefluence!

The bison landed on an island where a strange little boy with an arrow on his head came running up to it, as well as a boy with a boomerang, and a girl.

agig: Such description. Much sentence. Very badfic.

“Hey Sokka!” yelled the boy, “There’s a cute girl here!”

The one called Sokka stared at Rei, “Aang, right?”Rei asked the boy with the arrow on his head, “You’re Appa’s owner right?”

Aang nodded, “Yeah–Hey! How’d you know mine and Appa’s name?”

Rei smiled and petted Appa, “He told me.”

agig: Yes, now believe the crazy woman.

“HEY!” yelled Sokka, “You’re a Fire Nation spy!”

“Sokka! I thought you knew that I would never go so low as to work for someone else! I told you so at the village.” Rei smirked.

“…Rei!” Sokka remembered her, the girl he fell in love with before Suki, “It’s been so long!” Sokka hugged her.

“HEY! HANDS OFF!” yelled Zuko, while pushing Sokka away from her.

agig: Holymotherfuckingshitballs! Where the fuck did you come from?

Goddess: SDQF.

agig: Holymotherfuckingshitballs! Stop it!

“Prince Zuko!” Rei glared at him, “He’s my friend! Don’t push him around like that!”

“What do you mean don’t push him around like that? He shouldn’t be touching you!”

“Now, Prince Zuko,” said Iroh, “Don’t provoke anger.”

agig: You know, he doesn’t seem to be provoking anger from anyone else.

Goddess: Shhhh. You know that badfics aren’t supposed to use words like that correctly.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE SHOULDN’T BE TOUCHING ME?” Rei continued.

“EXACTLY WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE!” Zuko yelled.

“Oh! Yeah! Like you’re one to talk, holding my hand and waist! Honestly Prince Zuko, with all do respect, you aren’t one to talk in this situation!”

agig: You know, for someone who admitted that this was a Trollfic, the author had Rai make quite a few good points.

Goddess: Doesn’t make her less annoying, though.

“Uh, Rei,” started Katara, “why are you with him?”

“Katara…”Rei began, “he saved me from death.”

“Well why are you two fighting like you’re a couple?” asked Aang.

“WE’RE NOT A COUPLE!” yelled Zuko.

Goddess: Sure you aren’t! Just like I can’t kill a fly with a sidearm from 500 meters away.

“Excuse me, I think Aang here knows that!” Rei protested.

“Oh, I see. One guy isn’t enough for you?” Zuko accused Rei.

“Huh? What do you mean One Guy?”

“You know quite well what I mean! Let me guess, they take turns at you?”

“Prince Zuko!” Iroh yelled shocked at his nephew.

Cain: That escalated quickly.

“What are you getting at? Are you saying I’m a–?” Rei began.

“YES I AM! Who knows, maybe you sleep with all the other guys on this ship as well.”

“What do you mean? Unlike you, I still have my virginity!”

“Ch, who knows if you’re telling the truth.”

“Well I am, unlike you, who lost his virginity to a BULL MACHINE!”

“WHAT?”

Goddess: Heh. You know, this writing style is really *pulls sunglasses out of SDQF and puts them on* bold.

agig: Did… did you really just say that?

Goddess: Yep.

“NOW YOU TWO!” Iroh had had enough, “Stop arguing or I’ll force you to sleep together.”

Goddess: I’m just going to hope that he actually means sleep.

Rei and Zuko had stopped arguing.

“What’s this about virgeenitity?” asked Aang.

“Aang, how old are you?” Rei was confused.

“SEE! She needs to know so she can–” started Zuko.

“Zuko! You’re going to have to sleep with Rei.” Iroh was annoyed, Rei was about to protest but he held up his hand so she wouldn’t even begin.

Rei sighed, she looked off into the distance, she couldn’t help but overhear Iroh dishonor Zuko. Rei found this island somewhat familiar. She calculated that the island was over 100 miles long and 7, 835 miles wide.

Can easily calculate the size of an island just from seeing it: Check

5 hours later

The Avatar crew had gone to sleep, Rei forced Zuko to not try anything funny while she’s watching. Rei sat near the ocean. Rei felt very comfy here, she wrote a waka;

Though I am from the dark

there is something misunderstood

My eyes glowing from the radiance

of the moon.

Prince Zuko watched her write this and sat down next to her, “Hey…Rei.”

“Prince Zuko…”

“Listen, I’m sor–”

Just then

(agig: Suddenly and from behind)

an ominous wolf demon came and took Rei, “See ya later loser!” He yelled.

Goddess: Um, so, what the fuck did I just read?

agig: A pathetic attempt at conflict.

“REI!” Zuko woke his crew, “Don’t just stand there! After that thief!”

He had gone off with Rei. That bastard took off with Rei! Not just any girl. Who did he think he was? ‘He won’t get away with her! No matter what! I will kill him!’

Rei had stopped, she was a bit dizzy, she shook it off and looked at her surroundings. The boy who had stolen her looked about 17. He had brown hair and golden eyes. “Ah, so you’re awake. Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Jiro, from the Northern Wolf Clan.”

“Wolf..Clan? A clan of wolf demons? You mean..this is The Land of the Impure?”

Goddess: That’s it. This is definitely a crossover.

“Sure is, you’re the long lost Princess Rei. Your brother and sisters have been searching for you a LONG time. They’ll be back in a couple of weeks, but meanwhile…” he looked at Rei, “we need your help to battle those damn Weasel Demons. You seem to have a lot of strength, but your demon powers haven’t activated yet, oh well.”

“Demon powers? I’m a wolf demon?”

“Yes.”

Goddess: Oh for fucks sake!

“That’s…awesome! But what will Prince Zuko think?”

“Some prince, he’s human, you shouldn’t care.”

“You’re right…”

Rei’s been kidnaped, Zuko’s worried as hell, and Jiro wants Rei to fight demons. Next time will be a love confession, new powers, and exploding emotions. REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!

agig: Thank God there was no next time.

Goddess: Well, time to go. *To a Redshirt* Helm! Get us out of here!

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13 Comments on “1158: Rei: A New Kind Of Princess – Chapter Three”

  1. AdmiralSakai says:

    Chapter 3: Quarrel
    The only quarrel I want to see is a crossbow quarrel, injected into Rei’s vacuous little skull.

  2. AdmiralSakai says:

    The bison landed on an island where a strange little boy with an arrow on his head came running up to it, as well as a boy with a boomerang, and a girl.

    What, the girl doesn’t get an Enumerated Item?
    Even at the end of A New Covenant we cannot be free of sexism, can we?

  3. AdmiralSakai says:

    “Hey Sokka!” yelled the boy, “There’s a cute girl here!”

    The one called Sokka stared at Rei, “Aang, right?”Rei asked the boy with the arrow on his head, “You’re Appa’s owner right?”

    Aang nodded, “Yeah–Hey! How’d you know mine and Appa’s name?”

    Rei smiled and petted Appa, “He told me.”

    “HEY!” yelled Sokka, “You’re a Fire Nation spy!”

    “Sokka! I thought you knew that I would never go so low as to work for someone else! I told you so at the village.” Rei smirked.

    “…Rei!” Sokka remembered her, the girl he fell in love with before Suki, “It’s been so long!” Sokka hugged her.

    “HEY! HANDS OFF!” yelled Zuko, while pushing Sokka away from her.

    Well that escalated quickly.

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      “Excuse me, I think Aang here knows that!” Rei protested.

      “Oh, I see. One guy isn’t enough for you?” Zuko accused Rei.

      “Huh? What do you mean One Guy?”

      “You know quite well what I mean! Let me guess, they take turns at you?”

      “Prince Zuko!” Iroh yelled shocked at his nephew.

      Cain: That escalated quickly.

      Oh god dammit.

  4. AdmiralSakai says:

    She calculated that the island was over 100 miles long and 7, 835 miles wide.

    That’s not an island. That is a very skinny continent.

  5. AdmiralSakai says:

    “Sure is, you’re the long lost Princess Rei. Your brother and sisters have been searching for you a LONG time. They’ll be back in a couple of weeks, but meanwhile…” he looked at Rei, “we need your help to battle those damn Weasel Demons.

    Ok, I’ll admit, that made me laugh.

  6. agigabyte says:

    Cain: In other news, I’m going to start riffing the Marissa Games.

    Goddess: I may have to join you.

    agig: Me too. I don’t think we alone can riff this, though.

    Cain: Don’t worry, I have a plan.

    Goddess: One that can deal with “JERK FMAERZ”?

    Cain: Yes.

  7. "Lyle" says:

    I’m a little sad she didn’t write more of this only because the masochistic side of me wanted to see what batshit-crazy thing would happen next.

  8. TacoMagic says:

    agig: So she can talk with Bisons? What?

  9. TacoMagic says:

    “Sokka! I thought you knew that I would never go so low as to work for someone else! I told you so at the village.” Rei smirked.

    *Cerbersheep slobbers his way through the lobby as he charges to war*

    *Sigh* Darkwraiths to the lobby with the mop. Darkwraiths to the lobby with the mop!

  10. neji7hyuga says:

    Can easily calculate the size of an island just from seeing it

    That’s…extremely implausible.


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