1154: The Legend of Dragoon: The Eighth Spirit – Chapter Twenty-One

Title: The Legend of Dragoon: The Eighth Spirit
Author: PhoenixofShadows
Media: Video Game
Topic: Legend of Dragoon
Genre: Fantasy/Adventure
URL: The Legend of Dragoon: The Eighth Spirit
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Swenia

Hey, patrons!  A spot of good news this week for you all:  the chapter today is relatively short!


Unfortunately the chapter after this one is unusually long.


Anyway, last time we were treated to Team Stu curbstomping their way through Hellena prison.  Again.  After finally getting to the top floor and rescuing Albert from the clutches of Freugel, Lloyd shows up, kills Lavitz, and makes off with one of the Moon Orbs that was cleverly hidden inside Albert.  Thanks to the amazing prose in this story, all that had the emotional impact of a lecture on proper lawn care.

“With all that craziness going down, it’s a good thing that this week Team Stu will need to:”

Chapter XXI: Regroup in Seles

You proud of yourself for stealing that gag from SC?


As the sun rose over Hellena Prison, the entire towering structure was silent as almost all of the Wardens there were killed by Stryfe, Dart, Rose, Shana,
Haschel and Lavitz during their raid to save King Albert.

“Well, I guess you didn’t actually have to do the recap.”

Seem like I didn’t.  Also:


Carbon Copy Syndrome: 71

After setting the prisoners free from their cells, the group took Lavitz’s body and buried it near the entrance in an unmarked grave, with the only clue being his spear stuck into the ground.

“Uhh, guys, is that really the best place to bury your comrade in arms?”

Meh, plant his meat anywhere, I guess.

“And you say I’ve been hanging out with Crunchy too much.”

Knowing that the Sandorans will send reinforcements to find out what occurred at Hellena, the group took King Albert and fled to Seles, where they hoped they could at least catch their breaths before their next move.

I think if we had an exposition counter, it would have exploded just now.  Sweet crap, author, how much exposition can you cram into a single sentence!?

“You probably shouldn’t ask those questions.  Authors tend to take those as a challenge.”


Albert: I still have a place for shelter…

Dude, you’re a beloved monarch with an entire country at your disposal.  I certainly hope you can find somewhere to hole up for a night or two.

Stryfe: No. They’ll most likely suspect that place when they find out that you’ve escaped.

Which place would that be, again?

“You know, The Place.”


Hmm, you know, I’m with Stanky on this one.  That’s definitely the first place they’ll look.

Dart: We can hide here.

Uhhh, where are we again?

“You have no deductive skills at all, Taco.  With all the references, it’s easy to tell that they’re Here.  Which is, coincidentally, about halfway to The Place.”

Ahh, it’s all making sense now.

Dart began removing a tarp that was covering a hidden shelter near the ruins of Plos’s house. As Stryfe, Dart, Shana and Haschel began removing the ropes keeping the tarp down, Albert walked over to help.

Ooooh, I see.  They’re Here, which is a stone’s throw from Plos’s house.

“I told you it was easy to infer where they are.  There’s a tarp and everything!”

Albert: I’ll help.

Dart: I can’t let you!

The hell not?  Is that like your special tarp that nobody else is allowed to touch?

Albert: Let me do it. When I’m moving like this, I don’t feel pain.

“I think the homosexual undertones are more than just imagined, Taco.”

Yeah, there is quite a bit of compelling evidence.  Though, given some stuff that happens later, it’s likely that Albert is bisexual.


You should also know that I added an extra set of security locks on the literary transporter.

“Awww man.”

Stryfe: Well, in that case, help me out over here.

I thought they were already Here?

“No no no, this is the other Here.  The one that’s near Here, but not the same one.”


Upon removing the ropes and taking the tarp off, the group walked down the stairs and sat down wherever they felt most comfortable in the shelter. An hour passed without anyone saying a word, as they were all still coming to terms about Lavitz’s death.

“Well, that’s certainly awkward.  But at least this is the kind that doesn’t involve barking an my throat swelling up.”

Finally, King Albert broke the silence.

Albert: I owe you two and Lavitz a debt of gratitude, Stryfe, Dart.

Dart: Lavitz is no more…

Speaking of awkward.

“That’s even a little too blunt for me.  The guy’s lover just got skewered.  Maybe just take the thanks and leave it at that, kay?”

Stryfe: We can’t just give up because he died in front of us…

Shana: That’s right. We’re still here. Being alive means we can do anything we want, right? I think it’s enough for now…I think Lavitz would agree with me.

Stanky, Shana is the positive one who pulls everyone together here.  It’s bad enough you’re stealing all Dart’s thunder, but leave hers alone!


Egregious Author-Insertion Stu: 38

Albert: *chuckles* It reminds me of what Lavitz happily told me about you all. He told me he had met “friends he could finally, truly count on.”

“One would have hoped his dialogue would have been less wooden.  But I suppose the sentiment is there.”

Stryfe, Dart, Rose, Shana, Haschel, Lavitz was my most loyal and strongest knight, and at the same time, he was my friend.

Screw it, that counts.


Carbon Copy Syndrome: 72

Yes, he was a great person too. I would like to show you my gratitude.

“Well, usually I at least like dinner first, but for you-”


Rose: He was out of luck…I didn’t know Lloyd had the Dragon Buster…If I had known…

Stryfe: You would’ve stopped Lavitz…right?

She would have made sure you were the one to attack.

“Now you’re projecting on the fic.”

Rose only nodded to Stryfe in response. Though her face had the same calm look, Stryfe could see through Rose’s eyes that she was sad, like the rest of them.

“A shame we can’t see any of that.”

Why would we need to see anything with the exposition to serve it up in these little infobites that help keep us uninvensted in the story?

Stryfe: Speaking of that…what is the Dragon Buster, Rose?

“Oh yes, tell us.  We could use more exposition.”

Rose: It’s a weapon from the old world made only to kill Dragons. Even with the almightly Dragoon Armor, it is a mere shroud in front of a Dragon Buster.

You just had to tempt her, didn’t you?

“Oh c’mon, we both knew that we were about to get expositioned.”

Dart: Lloyd…What kind of plot is he weaving!?

“Hopefully one better than we’re getting here.”


Stryfe: Whatever it is, it’s made things more complicated than simply ending this war.

Oh right.  The war.  There’s been so much sub-questing that I completely forgot about it.

“So did they.”

Stryfe suddenly

“And from behind!”

remembered that he had a question for King Albert. About the gem that Lloyd pulled out of his back.

Stryfe: Your Majesty, what was that object Lloyd took from you?

I’m glad we had that two-sentence buildup to that line of dialogue.  There’s no way we could infer from that dialogue that Stanky had a question about the Moon Gem.

Albert sighed. Stryfe could tell by the look Albert was giving him that the object taken was no small matter.

“Looking like a good thing that we don’t have an exposition counter.”

It would have to take a restraining order out on this fic.

Albert: I guess I should tell you all the truth…

Stryfe: Well, we’re listening.

“Hey, douchebag, you’re getting your way.  So shut your egotistical yap and let the man talk.”

Albert told the group that after the Dragon Campaign, three sacred objects once used by the Winglies were scattered around the continent of Endiness.

I’m not sure how I feel about this.

“What do you mean?”

Well, on the one hand we’re about to get another large chunk of exposition.  But on the other, it’s not dialogue.

“Maybe we should just start drinking instead of thinking about that.”

A plan with no drawbacks!

*They raise their PCC provided coctails*


These objects contained horrifying magic power that only those with matching magic power can use. One of these objects was passed down to each crown heir of Serido, who had it sealed inside his or her body because of the fear that the power it held could bring about untold evil.

The one that Serido had, the one that Lloyd took from Albert, was known as the Moon Gem. The other two items were known as the Moon Dagger and the Moon Mirror. As soon as Albert finished speaking, Rose got up from the wall she was leaning on.

That actually could have been worse.

“The author was probably too lazy to go any more in-depth than that.  The guy couldn’t even be bothered to write his own dialogue.”

Rose: Where did Lloyd find out about them?

Albert: I was foolish. I bought his intelligence and employed him as an advisor. He was probably employed by Imperial Sandora.

“He’s right.  Letting a brand-new advisor in on a secret like that was a powerfully stupid thing to have done.  He’s lucky he’s cute since he isn’t very bright.”

Stryfe: So if he obtains the treasure…He’ll become the crown heir of Serido in both name and in reality!

That’s not how a hereditary monarchy works, moron.

Rose: And the birth of the Conquerer King Doel will become reality…And the end of Basil will become certian.

“Isn’t he already invading?  I’d say it’s already a reality.”

Yeah, the should really do something about that whole ‘war’ thing that’s going around.

Dart: But it’s not over yet! His Majesty Albert is still alive!

Stryfe: I agree! As long as he’s alive, along with us, Basil has a chance!

Rose: What is a king to do if he doesn’t have a castle to go back to and a large force to protect him?

Calligraphy seems like a good option.

“He’s also pretty enough to bag himself some new money in a marriage of convenience.”

Albert: She is right. I’m helplessly alone. However, as the Dragoons of yore have led the Humans to Victory…

Stryfe: We still have a chance.

“A shame that this war is humans vs. humans then.”

Well, superficially, at least.

As Albert nodded to Stryfe, he took out his Dragoon Spirit and held it up. When Albert’s spirit began to glow a bright green light, Stryfe, Dart, Rose and Shana all felt compelled to take out their Dragoon Spirits as well, which resonated in response to Albert’s spirit. The room lit up brightly in a mixture of indigo, dark blue, red, white and green lights that extended out into the evening sky.

“Suddenly I want some skittles.  Not sure why.”

Albert: We have only one target. Emperor Doel in the Black Castle.

My evil castle is going to be more colorful.  Black is so 1960s villain.

Rose: You have such a daring strategy. But I like it.

Stryfe: I agree. It’s sounds like my kind of strategy.

Shana: Let’s do it!

“‘Attack the dude in charge’ is NOT a strategy.  Hell, it’s not even a plan!”

Dart: We can end this war! Together!

Haschel: My iron fists might be able to help you too!

Albert: I will show them the full force of my lance, which I learned to use from Lavitz!

Stryfe: His death won’t be in vain!

So far as plans go, this is up there with: ‘We go in and I start hitting people hard in the face.’


*A 3-headed, glitter-covered sheep the size of a Buick charges into the snark chamber*


“Hold still, this won’t take a minute.”

*Swenia drags Taco over the back of his chair and starts taping him to Cerbersheep*

What’s with Cerbs?

“He desperately wanted a cameo.”


With their minds now set on ending the war once and for all, the group left Seles behind and set their sights on the capital of Imperial Sandora, Kazas. Heading south west past Hellena, then south from Lohan, the eerie sight of the capital of Sandora came into Stryfe’s view. Clenching his fist in determination, he nodded to Dart, Shana, Rose, Albert and Haschel, then walked towards the city…

Well, that was fas- mmmf.

*Swenia swats Cerbersheep on the rump and he goes galloping off*

“That should hold him for a while.  Until next week, patrons!”


32 Comments on “1154: The Legend of Dragoon: The Eighth Spirit – Chapter Twenty-One”

  1. GhostCat says:

    Dart: We can end this war! Together!

    Haschel: My iron fists might be able to help you too!

    Albert: I will show them the full force of my lance, which I learned to use from Lavitz!

    Stryfe: His death won’t be in vain!

    Yeah, take that Ring into Mordor!

    Or whatever it is you’re doing. I drifted off a bit towards the end.

  2. AdmiralSakai says:

    After setting the prisoners free from their cells, the group took Lavitz’s body and buried it near the entrance in an unmarked grave, with the only clue being his spear stuck into the ground.

    Ok, I’ve heard of postmortem entumescence before, but this is ridiculous.

  3. AdmiralSakai says:

    Stryfe: We can’t just give up because he died in front of us…

    Now, if he’d died behind us we’d already be on our way home, but…

  4. AdmiralSakai says:

    Rose: What is a king to do if he doesn’t have a castle to go back to and a large force to protect him?

    Calligraphy seems like a good option.

    “He’s also pretty enough to bag himself some new money in a marriage of convenience.”

    Wait, Basil’s been overrun? The fact that they were in a Basilian city not three chapters ago makes it seem like the attack that took the king was just a targeted raid that left the rest of the country pretty much intact.

    • TacoMagic says:

      It was briefly mentioned that they did take over the capital city. It wasn’t worded very well though. In the game, the invasion force takes Basil and orders Albert to surrender power or they’ll start executing non-combatants. Which is how he ends up in Hellena.

  5. AdmiralSakai says:

    Albert: I will show them the full force of my lance, which I learned to use from Lavitz!

    I think it’s actually kind of touching that Lavitz was the one who first taught Albert how to properly use his lance…

  6. Tie Dye Mage says:

    Stryfe: Speaking of that…what is the Dragon Buster, Rose?

    It’s a guy who goes around capturing Dragoon spirits with a proton pack and a muon trap.

  7. agigabyte says:

    Cain: In celebration of this chaoter, I am unveiling the GNS Somewhere. The Somewhere uses the formless drive to make all descriptions of its location vague and unspecific. It is currently orbiting A Planet.

    *The Somewhere appears next to the Archon*

    Goddess: When do we get formless teleporters?

    Cain: As soon as R&D finishes downsizing the (Library of the) Damned things.

  8. neji7hyuga says:

    Egregious Author-Insertion Stu

    Just wondering, what does egregious mean in this usage of the word?

  9. neji7hyuga says:

    Carbon Copy Syndrome

    Was this fic stolen or something? Since the count is at 72…

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