1152: In the Absence of Cherry Blossoms – Chapter Two

Title: In the Absence of Cherry Blossoms
Author: regina di cuori
Media:  Television/Cartoon
Topic: Care Bears
Genre:  Romance/Friendship
URL: Chapter Two
Critiqued by Lyle

*enters her office with the tea pot and a mug of steaming tea*

Good morning, lovelies!  Are you all ready for another gripping chapter of humanized Care Bears?

Koori: Considering we haven’t seen any of those yet, I don’t think we can call it “another” chapter of them.

Details, details.  *sips her tea*

Koori: Last week all we saw was a clueless “Japanese” exchange student bitch about how there aren’t any cherry blossoms in America, even though we have photographic proof that there are, and we were introduced to her equally clueless aunt who has only lived there for four years but speaks perfect English.

Pretty much.  Let’s get to it!  Chapter two is called “Cherry.”

Koori: I hope that isn’t a euphemism for something dirty.

I don’t get the impression that this author is lemon-y.

The bell rang, and its echoes cried through the hall. Vibrations in the air beat on her eardrums, pricking the soft and tender flesh. It would take a while to get used to it. Back home, the bell was played over the PTA, several high notes instead of a continuous ringing.

When the hell did our author discover the color purple?!

Koori: “Vibrations in the air beat on her eardrums, pricking the soft and tender flesh.”  *pours herself some tea*  We might have a contender for next year’s awards of this keeps up.

“So you’ve got your schedule, and oh-” Principal Dorothy Martin cut herself off mid sentence, calling out to a student who appeared to be trying to get to class. Of course, if the Principal herself decided to stop you, obviously one would think it was for an important reason.

*smacks Regina upside the head*

Stop telling me what to think!

Koori:  The pretentiousness level has gone up, too.  *pulls a small, electronic device from the front pocket of her flak jacket and fiddles with a knob*  It’s not quite as high as Herr’s “The Great Rift” thing but it’s starting to hover over “Trying to Sound Smart” levels.

What’s that thing you’ve got there?

Koori: I found it in a spare parts closet on Sub-Level Twelve.  It measures the pretension of an author.

Sub-Level Twelve?  How deep does this place go?

Koori: You don’t know the size of your own Library?  Didn’t you build it?

Initially, yes.  All of us Founders created the Library but it gained a certain level of organic sentience somewhere along the way.

Koori: This place is alive?

I like to think that my office sits in it’s heart, but it’s probably more like in the left lung.

Koori: Can we move on before I dwell too much on how creepy that is?

“This is Theodore Harrow,” Principal Martin gestured towards the boy, “he shares most of his classes with you. He’ll help you through the day.”

How does the principal know Theodore’s schedule so intimately?  My principal barely knew my name most of the time, and that was a good thing.  If the principal knew who you were it was either because you were always in his/her office in trouble, or you were one of the super brown-nose kids that was always in his office because you had nowhere else to eat your lunch.

Koori: Maybe Principal Martin has a crush on Harrow and follows him around all day.

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Sakura turned towards the other student, who in turn grinned at her with what had to be one of the most brilliantly structured faces she had ever seen. “Now then, if you need anything, you can come to me. Although I’m sure you won’t have to, since you’ll have Theodore’s assistance. Have a good first day, dear!”

“…one of the most brilliantly structured faces she had ever seen…”  Did we seriously just read that?

Koori: *snort-giggle*

Principal Martin had sauntered off in the direction of the main office before Sakura could say anything. Of course, it’s not like she would have spoken against Principal Martin’s judgement; if she had decided to entrust Sakura’s fate to this boy then it would obviously had been for the better. At least Sakura hoped so.

I still fail to see why the principal is taking such a keen interest in Sakura’s class schedule.  This is something better handled by an assistant or a school guidance counselor.

Koori: Maybe it’s a really small school and the principal is bored?

“So… I didn’t get your name,” Theodore spoke as soon as Principal Martin had left, without breaking a beat. Sakura was thankful, it seemed he knew how to keep conversations flowing without a trace of awkwardness.

“Breaking a beat.”  That’s… that’s now how the phrase goes.

Koori: Points for effort?

Check that meter of yours.

Koori:  *fiddles with the buttons*  Ooo, we’ve just gone above “Trying to Sound Smart” and are halfway to “Trying Way too Hard.”

She looked up at the boy, who was indeed taller. Intimidation flushed her cheeks, but the color was more from how good-looking she found this boy to be. “Sakura,” her voice came out low and uneven, her tongue nearly tripping on its own self.

Her blush was from being intimidated, but it was really from how hawt he was.  Way to contradict yourself.  Also, was him being taller than her ever in question?  No?

*THWACK!*

Then saying he was “indeed taller” just makes you sound uber-pretentious!

Koori: Come on, little meter… you can make it!  *fiddles with the dials*

Theodore smiled again, “Pretty name. You must be the exchange student from Japan. I may not know a lot about the language, but I do know enough to say with confidence ‘Sakura’ is the Japanese word for cherry blossom.”

This is dialogue?!

Koori: This kid is so socially awkward with his sentence structure that he must be one of those kids that eats his lunch in the principal’s office.

Sakura nodded. Common knowledge, but even so, impressive. “Thank you,” her eyes cast downward, not sure what to say next, “I’m not sure where to go for this class,” Sakura awkwardly pointed at her schedule, inwardly beating herself for how clipped she was making herself seem.

You’re not coming across clipped.  You’re coming across shy and nervous.  It’s your first day of school in a new fucking country.  It’s understandable that you might not be functioning as well as usual.

Another blush crept up her neck, threatening to bloom across her face as Theodore leaned closer to examine.

Koori:  We’ve hit “Trying Much too Hard!”  *fist pumps*

Why is he examining her blush?  Rude, much.  Back up there, Harrow.  You’re creepin’.

“Oh, we have that class together. Let’s start walking, we only have like three minutes left of passing time before the tardy bell rings. We can talk on the way too,” Theodore smiled again, already a few steps ahead of herself. Sakura decided she liked his face. And he had proven to be quite kind as well.

Who talks like that?!

Koori: Poorly written humanized Care Bears?

“Umm, Theodore-”

“You can call me Teddy,” Sakura was surprised how quickly he had interjected, as if it was a consecutive practice.

Koori:  Here, I’ve got it.  *taps a few buttons on Lyle’s desk*

Welcome back, Inigo.

I do not think that means what you think it means.

*grabs her dictionary*

Consecutive: adjective. following continuously. An unbroken or logical sequence.

Regina, put down the thesaurus and use words of which you understand the exact meaning.

“Ok,” Sakura began evenly, “Teddy, is Principal Martin always so informal?”

“Martin? Informal?” Teddy turned in Sakura’s direction, and she gave a little nod to confirm what she was asking.

Because there was no possibly way we would understand that she was nodding to confirm her question.

Koori: We might need to steal Herr’s counter.

Dorothy Martin was an elderly, sincere and kind woman, from what Sakura observed from a few moments ago. She was a different kind of principal; certainly distinguishable from the one Sakura had at her old high school back at Japan.

And now Regina is infodumping?  What the hell?

Koori: *hands Lyle her sledgehammer*  You’ll want to break this next paragraph apart.  It’s like clothing porn, but without the clothing.

*peeks at the next paragraph*  Oh for fuck’s sake…

*swings the sledge*

Teddy pursed his lip in thought, and Sakura looked over. His hair was a lovely shade of brown. Like the color of tea, and she especially liked when the it caught the light at a certain degree.

The color of tea, huh?  Which tea would that be?  Japanese people drink a hell of a lot of green tea.  Is his hair actually green?  Or did you mean one of the many varieties of English black tea that the Japanese tend to view with a certain amount of disdain?

Koori:  And then there’s red teas and white teas.  Light brown and dark brown teas.  Teas that have more of a yellowish hue.  Thai tea, which is a shocking shade of bright orange.  Which one is she referencing?  I’m voting for Thai tea orange.

I’d like to think that she means ALL of them.

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Teddy Harrow’s hair, everyone.

Koori: So pretty.

It made his hair shine rusty red, but only sometimes.

It only sometimes shines red in the sun?

Koori: Other times it shines purple or orange.

Teddy’s eyes were framed with impossibly long and thick eyelashes that shamed her short lengthed ones.

This is getting uncomfortable.  She’s spent more time describing how hawt Teddy is than anything else.  We don’t even know where in America she is, but we sure as hell know what this love interest looks like.

Sakura turned away, embarassed she’d been caught staring when Teddy caught her gaze.

At least that’s a reasonable reaction.

“Well, it’s not necessarily informality she’s showing. It’s just the slightest bit formal, but maybe you’re just not used to it? And it’s not like we’re not showing her any disrespect either, just because Principal Martin’s incredibly friendly towards us. She’s like a grandma to the students here, and she treats us like we’re her grandchildren.”

*dodges another infodump*  Jesus H MaHokey!

Koori: The meter is starting to inch over “Trying Much too Hard.”

What’s the next level?

Koori:  “Gwyneth Paltrow.”

Ouch.

“She sounds welcoming,” Sakura familiarized herself with the caring grandma image of the principal as they turned a corner.

My grandma drinks whiskey and calls people assholes.

Koori: And crochets a mean blanket.  Tell her I said “thank you,” by the way.  It’s on my bed.

Will do.

“She’s not the only one,” Teddy stepped in front of her as they neared a classroom door, and offered another dazzling smile, “Tell you what, I’ll come find you when it’s lunch time, and I’ll introduce you to my friends,” his hands were shoved into the front pockets of his jeans, and he leaned forward so his eye level was equal with Sakura’s.

Hawt boy be creepin’.

Koori: This sounds more like a threat than an offer with the way he’s aggressively leaning toward her.  I’m suddenly not liking this character very much.

“O-okay,” she could feel the heat on her face, and she knew she was blushing. Boys back in Japan were certainly not daring, at least to this extent.

You apparently knew less aggressive, more polite males in Japan. Go back there and find one of them to ogle.  He’ll treat you better than this chump.

Teddy beamed, “Alright then, that’s that,” the brunette stepped back and pointed at the classroom entrance, “This is our first period, here,” Teddy explained when he saw Sakura’s confused expression.

Her eyes widened, “I knew that,” Sakura bit her lip when Teddy gave a small chuckle before he set a foot through the door.

“And by the way,” he turned around, pausing before the rest of himself entered through the door, “I hope you don’t mind, but I think I’ll just call you Cherry.”

Wow.

Koori: This guy is an asshole.  You don’t just tell people you’re going to ignore their given name and call them something else.  And if you do make that sort of announcement, you say “Do you mind if I call you [name]?”

Yeah.  You see, this could have been handled a lot better and made me hate Teddy less.  Nicknames are often developed over time; you honestly don’t believe I’ve always been called “Lyle,” right?

Koori: Until I came here I thought your name was Litny…

Shush, you.  As I was saying, it would have painted him as a more likeable character if he just started calling her Cherry without any announcement.  Then they could have had a conversation about why he isn’t using her name, it could grow on everyone, and no one is offended.  This way, he’s basically rolling over her and saying “Hey, although your name is pretty neat, I’m going to call you this instead and you’re just going to have to accept that.”

Thankfully, this is the end of the chapter and all we have left is an author’s note.

aaaand there we have the second chapter. pretty boring for a start, but eh.

I hate this about authors.  If you think it’s boring, your readers will think it is boring.  Don’t post shit you don’t like.

my introductions are never good haha. read and review please. i’d love to know.

Trust me, cupcake, you’d probably rather not know my opinion on this.

oh btw, i’ve introduced two care bears already to the story line! can you guess them?

Well, let’s see here… there have been a whopping total of four characters so that gives us a 50-50 chance of getting it right.  But since no one is a fucking bear it’s a bit hard to figure out whom is whom with regards to the humanization.

one is most definitely grams bear, and the other is tenderheart bear :D

Why did you ask us to guess if you were planning on telling us in the next sentence?  Naturally, the principal is Grams and Señor Creepy McAssPants is Tenderheart.

Tenderheart, everyone.

Tenderheart, everyone.

Koori: I WAS RIGHT!  *points*  He’s Thai tea orange!

Until next week, patrons!

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34 Comments on “1152: In the Absence of Cherry Blossoms – Chapter Two”

  1. AdmiralSakai says:

    Good God, woman, this ‘fic has more purple crammed into it than a Covenant scrapyard!

  2. GhostCat says:

    The bell rang, and its echoes cried through the hall. Vibrations in the air beat on her eardrums, pricking the soft and tender flesh. It would take a while to get used to it. Back home, the bell was played over the PTA, several high notes instead of a continuous ringing.

    :clutches face:

    MY EYES!

    :collapses on floor:

    Sweet mercy, you should warn a girl before unleashing so much purple.

  3. GhostCat says:

    Initially, yes. All of us Founders created the Library but it gained a certain level of organic sentience somewhere along the way.

    Koori: This place is alive?

    On the plus side you don’t have to worry about crumbs on the floor, because the carpet usually eats them.

  4. GhostCat says:

    who in turn grinned at her with what had to be one of the most brilliantly structured faces she had ever seen

    Well, that’s … different.

  5. GhostCat says:

    Pretty name. You must be the exchange student from Japan.

    He got that from her name and not, y’know, her accent or the fact that she’s Asian in appearance?

  6. GhostCat says:

    Common knowledge, but even so, impressive.

    Not really, no. I’m pretty sure “sakura” is one of the wider-known Japanese words.

  7. GhostCat says:

    His hair was a lovely shade of brown. Like the color of tea, and she especially liked when the it caught the light at a certain degree.

    :collapses into a fit of giggles:

    Okay, this is funny to me. In Japanese, “brown” is ちゃいろ (cha iro), which literally translates into “tea-colored”.

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      You know, that’s actually interesting. I haven’t read through the ‘fic other than what was posted here, but so far it seems that while there are any number of Immigration Fails and just regular Reality Fails, there’s none of the horrible misunderstanding of Japan itself that we see in most of these other Weeaboo ‘Fics. Do you think the author might have spent time in Japan, or had family there?

      • GhostCat says:

        I haven’t read through the fic, but it seems more American-centered than Japanese-centered so that could account for the lack of epic fails. If you changed Sakura’s country of origin – to, say, France or Australia – the character would be largely unchanged.

    • "Lyle" says:

      Hahaha! I was unaware of that. And that is funny.

  8. agigabyte says:

    “Vibrations in the air beat on her eardrums, pricking the soft and tender flesh.”

    Cain: This fic’s prose is-

    agig: Cain?

    Cain: Yeah?

    agig: Shut the hell up.

  9. agigabyte says:

    Cain: You could probably toss in a few
    Slug Cruisers and it would still have more purple.

  10. TacoMagic says:

    Sub-Level Twelve? How deep does this place go?

    At least into the high sixties. Lowest mention I can find is of 68, where Crunchy has his volcano lair. The most mentions goes to level 46, which is where Crunchy spends quite a bit of time playing with new weapons among our reactors. Eliza also glitter bombed that level to pretty it up.

    I choose not to think about why we let the raptors play down there.

    • "Lyle" says:

      Probably because we all know that telling a dinosaur not to do something is a sure fire way to get eaten by a dinosaur.

  11. TacoMagic says:

    Sakura turned towards the other student, who in turn grinned at her with what had to be one of the most brilliantly structured faces she had ever seen.

    Her jaw had one of the most well appointed mezzanines Sakura had ever seen.

  12. TacoMagic says:

    Theodore smiled again, “Pretty name. You must be the exchange student from Japan. I may not know a lot about the language, but I do know enough to say with confidence ‘Sakura’ is the Japanese word for cherry blossom.”

    Smoooooooooth.

    Next time he’ll tell her about how his graphing calculator can play doom.

  13. TacoMagic says:

    Sakura nodded. Common knowledge, but even so, impressive.

    “Two plus two is equal to four!”

    Wow, you are like so complicated!

  14. TacoMagic says:

    Koori: We might to steal Herr’s counter.

    I think a word there.

  15. neji7hyuga says:

    The bell rang, and its echoes cried through the hall. Vibrations in the air beat on her eardrums, pricking the soft and tender flesh. It would take a while to get used to it. Back home, the bell was played over the PTA, several high notes instead of a continuous ringing.

    Too much purple prose, and it makes one feel sick. Though enough, and one can make an otherwise dry scene have meaning and suchlike.

    Like how too much candy can make you feel sick, but having enough is sweet tasting.


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