1138: The Legend of Dragoon: The Eighth Spirit – Chapter NineteenPosted: August 12, 2015
Title: The Legend of Dragoon: The Eighth Spirit
Media: Video Game
Topic: Legend of Dragoon
URL: The Legend of Dragoon: The Eighth Spirit
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Swenia
“So, Taco, what one-shot do we… well… crap.”
Yup, we’re back into it this week. We’ve had a solid month off this turkey, so now it’s time to head into the home stretch.
“It would feel more like the home stretch if we weren’t only at the halfway point.”
So, to catch everyone up, last chapter Scheef completed his takeover of protagonist from Dart by knocking him out of the tournament and taking his place in all the matches. Luckily Lloyd still got to stomp Sniffle down in their match, so there’s that. Not much else happened really. Just a bunch of extremely daybook fight scenes where Slump revisits his constant strategy of waiting for the plot to hand him victory.
“Alright, so what do we have this week?”
Chapter XIX: Downtime in the Slums
“That sounds riveting.”
Hey, at least there is unlikely to be any action this week.
“Best chapter ever!”
As Stryfe and Dart returned to the waiting area, they saw Lloyd, who looked as if he was deep in thought about something.
Wait, why is Lloyd milling around here?
“Apparently it’s his thinking spot.”
Wanting to congratulate him, Stryfe tapped him on the shoulder, disrupting his deep thought.
“And he spun around and killed Stink, the en-”
“You know, a girl could get to like that.”
Stop trying to make Carlos uncomfortable.
Although Lloyd initially had the look of anger in his eyes as he turned around, the look quickly turned to an eerie calmness as he saw that it was just Stryfe, Dart and Haschel, who joined up with them.
I see that hasn’t improved since the last installment.
“It’s gotten worse, actually. That damn fic Herr is riffing just brings the awkward.”
Stryfe: You completely beat me.
Dammit, Stripe! I had so very nearly managed to forget that you stole Dart’s limelight in the last installment!
Lloyd: No. You haven’t reached your limits yet. You’ll become stronger. You will have to be. The same can go for your friends here.
Dart, I think.
“Oh right! I almost forgot he was in this.”
So did the fic.
Dart: I’ll be sure to do so.
Um, what? Dart, he wasn’t asking you to do anything.
“Poor guy, took a brick right to the skull.”
Haschel: You flatter me.
“He’s easily flattered.”
Suddenly, Stryfe, Dart and Haschel saw Lavitz rush into the waiting room.
“AND FROM BEHIND!”
Lavitz: Come out quickly.
“Lavitz, I’ve been out for years. Get with the program.”
Not sure that’s what he meant.
Everyone is waiting for you, Stryfe, Dart. Shana, in particular!
‘Everyone’ being Rose and Shana at this point.
“Mostly Shana, though.”
Just as Stryfe and Dart nodded to Lavitz, Lloyd silently took his leave, only to be stopped by Lavitz, who was impressed with his skill.
Lavitz: I watched your match with Stryfe. I would love to have a match with you if this were a time of peace.
“Because sparing to keep sharp in a time of war is utter insanity.”
Yeah, the only time you can really test yourself against somebody else in a time of war is during a tournament of arms.
Lloyd: Sorry, but you are no match for me.
“He’s pretty full of himself, ain’t he?”
Yes he is. However, that doesn’t make his claim any less accurate.
Lavitz could only nod in response.
Lavitz: You may be right, but if we meet someday, Please accept my challenge. I’ll become stronger too by then.
Dude, you have the wind dragoon spirit. How much stronger do you plan to get?
“Well, maybe he plans to grind XP for a while before their next battle.”
Ahh yes, game mechanics. I forgot the author was including them in the fic.
Lloyd gave off a slight smile upon hearing Lavitz say that.
Lloyd has a half-life of about 3 hours. Every three hours he decays and a smile is ejected from him as pure smile radiation.
“Bleh! I’m crossing Lloyd off my list.”
“You’re better off not knowing.”
Lloyd: I’ll think about it…
Watching Lloyd leave the waiting area, Stryfe put his hand and Lavitz’s shoulder and gave him a reassuring smile.
“And a gentle caress of the shoulders.”
Now you’re just reaching.
Stryfe: It’s not just you that needs discipline, Lavitz. I couldn’t keep up with him at all.
Discipline has nothing to do with it, moron! What you lack is skill.
Yes, and intelligence.
Dart: I doubt I would be able to keep up with him either.
Haschel: I’ll be I couldn’t either. Ha ha ha!
“It’s pretty sad that these guys are the best hope for the world.”
If it weren’t for the leveling curve, they’d be doomed.
Lavitz: You must be Master Haschel of the Rouge School, correct?
As Haschel nodded, Stryfe and Dart realized something.
Dart: Oh, we haven’t introduced you to everybody, yet.
Probably because you were in the prep room of the tournament, and your friends weren’t.
“And still aren’t, with the exception of Lavitz.”
Stryfe: Why don’t you come with us, Haschel? It would be great if you could meet our friends.
*Haschel has joined the
party character blob.*
Haschel: Interesting. The lone wolves Stryfe and Dart have “friends”. Okay, let me meet them!
Author, lone wolves travel alone. Hence the word ‘lone.’ Dart and Spanky have always traveled with each other, which means they are never alone!
Leaving the waiting area, Stryfe, Dart and Haschel followed Lavitz to the entrance of the slums, where Shana and Rose were waiting for them. Rose and Shana seemed pretty happy to see them.
So they seemed, but the reality was that it ruined their day.
Although he didn’t see Rose smile, Stryfe could tell from the look in her eyes, that Rose enjoyed watching him fight.
Author, I’m saying this now, if you DARE ship Rose with your uninteresting insert, I’m going to send a team of darkwraiths through the internet to give you a wedgie.
Shana: Dart! Stryfe! Congratulations on second and third place!
“Oof, girl, collate your dialogue!”
Stryfe: Thanks, Shana.
Dart: I only wish one of us could’ve won first prize for you.
Which isn’t patronizing at all.
Shana: It’s okay, Dart. You two looked awesome! Besides, just having you two safe is enough for me. Oh, who is this?
“I would have been extremely devastated if anything- SQUIRREL!”
Haschel: You only watched Dart and Stryfe? Oh well. Don’t worry. It’s universal. Girls in love are blind!
Cranky old man level: Old Coot.
“Does this count as Cranky Man XP grinding?”
Naw, Shana is way under the XP cap.
Stryfe: *under his breath* I think she watched Dart a little more than me.
Dart: It, it’s not like that! Ha ha, you haven’t changed at all, Haschel.
Yeah, it’s not like that at- SQUIRREL!
Stryfe: Heh, he’s never serious except when he is fighting.
Not entirely true, but true enough; I’ll give you a pass on that.
Haschel: Well that’s not…*sigh* He’s right. But the goal of my journey is a serious one. I am looking for my daughter, who ran away a long time ago.
Dart: It was around four years ago. Me and Stryfe met him while we were on our journey pursuing the Black Monster.
Dart, your grammar hurts us.
Stryfe saw Rose look away for a bit when she heard Dart mention the Black Monster.
Subtlety is not this author’s strong suit. Nor is writing. Which follows given the amount of plagiarization in the fic.
Hashcel: Oooh, the tootsie over there your sweetheart, Stryfe?
Author, you have the power to stop this now. Need I remind you that there’s a darkwraith wedgie with your name on it.
“Tootsie? Really? Do I need to join the wedgie squad and come over there, Author?”
The author doesn’t really understand Haschel’s character or really how to filter the source material for Japan’s cultural sexism. So when he tries to write his own dialogue, it’s noticeably more sexist because he can only write in caricatures.
“It’s also far less well written when he does his own dialogue.”
Which, when compared to the mess of hasty Japanese to English translation found in the source, is saying something.
Rose: Don’t “tootsie” me. My name is Rose. Stryfe and me are just friends.
For fuck’s sake, author, did you understand any of the characters in the game? Rose would NOT say something like that! Okay, well the first part yes, but the second part? No. By her very character Rose has no friends (at least current to this part in the game). At best she would say he’s a traveling companion. Also, Rose was extremely well spoken, translating foibles aside, she would have used correct grammar!
Stryfe: Y-yeah. We only became acquainted recently.
“We may as well call ‘Liz and get that wedgie team assembled and briefed.”
Might want to go with boxers given the mission.
“I will maul you, smartass.”
Haschel: I see. So Dart, do you still think of Shana as a baby sister?
I don’t know, Haschel, do you still try to engage in stilted, unnatural dialogue?
“I just wish to ask you question about your sibling-like relationship to the female Shana who is standing here with us. What is being unnatural about that topic, I ask?”
Dart: Would you please stop that, Haschel?
Yeah, can we get back to the game script? We’re all now very aware why he thought it necessary to steal all the dialogue from the game.
“And he wasn’t wrong that he’d be better off than writing his own dialogue.”
Dart: What’s so funny!?
*Shrug* Maybe he was bored with the conversation and his mind wandered to an inappropriate joke?
“Sorta like the one where the girl uses some corn as a sex toy and the-”
Stryfe: You really stubborn when it comes to Shana, you know that, Dart?
The hell did that come from?
“I think the author forgot to write part of this conversation.”
Ah, that would explain why it feels like we just skipped a page.
Dart: Sh-Shut up, Stryfe!
People need to say this more often. In fact, the rest of the dialogue for the fic should just be all the characters telling Splort here to shut his yammering food hole.
“AND FROM BEHIND!”
Boom, got it.
pulled Stryfe and Dart aside for a bit.
Stryfe: Hey, what’s up?
Lavitz: Dart, Stryfe, here is the plan. Why don’t you two go around the arena with Shana and Rose?
“You know, I’m not sure I’m on board with Lavitz breaking up this horrible conversation if that means transitioning into a scene featuring a double-date.”
I was so nearly relieved that the conversation was ending, and now there’s nothing but dread.
Main screen turn on!
Dart: Where did that come from, Lavitz?
He very badly wanted that conversation to be over and wasn’t opposed to throwing the audience under the bus to end it.
Lavitz: Just something I think the girls deserve. I already told them.
“So he thinks the girls deserve to be loaded down with Mr. Bland and his jerkass clone?”
To be fair, canonically Lavitz is pretty useless with women despite being “the hunk” around his home town. The undertones that he’s in love with King Albert have been debated as to whether it was intended or just something that was a result of spotty translation and cultural differences. I tend to side with the idea that, intended or not, Lavitz being gay makes the most sense as it explains why he seems purposefully dense when it comes to women hitting on him. It’s just that he isn’t interested, not that he isn’t aware.
“Ahh! Well, best cross him off the list just in case.”
Dart: If you say so.
“If you really think about it, Lavitz is a hell of a wingman.”
Hey, you’re right! Scored both these guys dates with women who are way out of their league. Hell of a job there.
As Stryfe approached Rose, he noticed that Rose seemed a little hesitant. Giving her a reassuring smile, Stryfe saw Rose nod back to him in responce.
*Swenia picks up the PCC office-phone* “‘Liz? Yeah, we need you to get a wedgie team prepped, pronto.”
“Yeah, I know it’s your day, but this is important. Leave Jiwe with Shades or Crunchy, they should be fine while you get the team assembled and briefed.”
“Nice try, but Taco already used that joke.”
Stryfe: You don’t mind, do you?
What she should say: “Actually, I’d rather just wait in our room until we’re ready to leave. I have no need to view this arena.”
What she actually says:
Rose: No. It’s alright.
Sigh. Everyone wave goodbye to any chance we had of an accurate depiction of Roes’s character.
Shana: Dart…This is a great chance, we should take it.
Haschel: Shall we go?
Haschel suddenly took Shana’s hand and started walking away.
Lavitz: I didn’t mean you, Haschel!
“I’m surprised, that’s actually funny.”
Also 100% stolen from the game.
“Less surprised now.”
Haschel: Oh? It seems Dart cannot make up his mind, so I thought I could do it for him.
And THIS is the correct version of Haschel; which makes sense since this whole exchange is ripped verbatim from the game. He’s a clown and a bit of a coot, but he’s got better motives beyond just being a lecherous old man. See, the critical bit of missing information that the fic didn’t furnish the audience with is that Dart and Haschel traveled around together for a while, not just met briefly as implied. They became friends and Haschel developed a bit of a grandfatherly view toward Dart, which becomes important much later in the game. That’s why he’s both trying to embarrass Dart and prod him into action. He’s being the somewhat eccentric grandpa who wants to see his grandson go out with a nice girl.
Just as Stryfe facepalmed himself, he felt someone put something into his right hand.
*Swenia cues up the porno music*
So, you didn’t happen to come from the Southern reaches of Africa at all, did you?
“Why do you ask?”
Oh, nothing, just realized that a good portion of Africa is on the Southern hemisphere and Spring will be starting soon down there.
When he removed his left hand from his face, which once more had a giant palm print on it, he saw 12 tickets for the entertainment that was around the Slums.
“Maybe I can help out and turn that palm print into one that looks more like a fist.”
Dart: Well, I guess. We haven’t had any time to relax recently.
Stryfe: Yeah. Shall we, Rose?
Yes! Now it’s off to enjoy beautiful slums! Tickets are 50 cents each and rides are only one ticket per rider!
“Lavitz is seeming like less of a great wingman all of a sudden.”
He might be the kind who likes to watch his friends crash and burn on their date.
Heading around the entertainment sector of the slums, Stryfe and Rose tried their hand at various games, with some mixed results.
Why even include this scene if that’s all you’re going to do with it, Author?
“Hell, why even write the fic in the first place?”
After trying their hand at it, Stryfe just hung out with Rose at the entrance while waiting for Dart and Shana. Stryfe decided that this was the right time to try and get to know her a bit more, as he wanted to ask her some questions.
“Oh hell, here we go.”
Strap in folks, we’re going to get more of the author’s attempt at dialogue.
Stryfe: Rose, can I ask you something?
Rose: What is it?
Stryfe: Back at the shrine…Shirley said…she knew my mother. How can that be?
“Maybe it has something to do with Shirley being the spirit of dead Dragoon knight and your mother having possession of the Dragoon spirit that she passed to you? Connect the dots, moron.”
Rose: Shirley and me…we both knew your mother.
You mean that because you’re a dragoon, and Shirley is a dragoon that you would know somebody who was also a dragoon!? Mind. Blown.
Rose: Vitile and I go way back. We knew each other since we were little girls. If I ever had a sibling, I would want it to be her.
Suddenly, we get random, non-canonical plot. Not to mention Rose is being incredibly out of character here. She doesn’t share things about her past. Ever. You only learn about Rose very late in the game, and she isn’t the one that spills the big secret that gets her to open up about who she really is. She would not talk about this. Least of all to somebody she just met.
Stryfe: How…did you meet her?
Rose: I can’t tell you that now…
Stryfe: What do you mean?
C’mon, Rose, you’re WAY better at not talking about yourself than this. You basically gave him every reason in the world to pump you for information.
Rose: When the time comes…I’ll tell you everything. But for now, it’s better if you don’t know.
This is more in-line with her thinking, but she should never have let the conversation get this far in the first place.
As Stryfe saw Rose look at him, he could see through the look in her eyes that she didn’t want to talk about her relationship with his mother presently. Silently nodding, he gave her a smile just as Dart and Shana finished up with their fun with the entertainment area.
“Rose, you’ve got some exposition in your eye, there.”
Anyway, we’ll just skim over some stuff here. Dart and Shana finish up, they all exchange some pleasantries about having a good time, and they regroup with Lavitz. Who promptly calls a secret boy meeting and pulls Dart aside to ask how it went. Meanwhile Schlop decides to follow them and eavesdrop, because he’s such a great person.
Lavitz: Did you do something about it?
Dart: I didn’t do anything.
Why didn’t you take care of it?
“I didn’t have the thing ready! How was I supposed to handle the situation without that!?”
Lavitz: “Anything?” You didn’t even take her hand?
Dart shook his head, unaware of what Lavitz actually meant.
*Rubs his forehead* God the prose is so fucking expositive, it’s starting to give me a headache. Can you show us ANYTHING, author!?
Dart: Shana isn’t a baby anymore. I don’t need to go hand in hand.
Lavitz: Dart, are you even getting what I’m talking about?
“You see, when a boy and a girl, or a girl and a girl, or a boy and a boy, or a boy and two girls, or a girl and two boys, or a girl and a harem of firm-muscled jaguar gymnasts still panting from the exertion of- is it getting warm in here or is it just me? … Sorry, what was I talking about again?”
Dart: I guess. But Shana is like a baby sister to me. I can’t change that.
Stryfe could tell just by looking at Dart’s facial expression that he was still unaware of what Lavitz meant. He silently sighed and shook his head.
“Dat boy is dense.”
Yeah, but it’s canon, even if it is a cliché trope.
Stryfe: “Dart, don’t you get it? Shana feels for you more than that. And you do as well. So what’s stopping you?”
Honestly, I’m kinda with Stinky on this one. The romance in the game is very much a cookie-cutter presentation from the oblivious-love trope, so if the author is going to do only one thing right, short-circuiting the romance isn’t a bad choice.
“I have a feeling we aren’t going to get that, though. That would mean reworking large amounts of dialogue instead of wholesale copying.”
Yeah, my optimistic personality got the better of me for a second there.
Lavitz: I don’t think Shana feels that way about you, Dart.
Dart: When the war ends, I’m gonna go on my journey again. Pursuing the Black Monster…and I don’t her to be involved in that. Nor Stryfe.
“So much for the lesson he learned form Shirley.”
He’s got a bit of a selective memory at times, yes.
Lavitz: Dart. Revenge doesn’t solve anything. I learned that from the death of Greham, the man who betrayed my father. The man who defected to Sandora…The man that I despised. The person you should be looking for is not from your past. Right? You should pay attention to the present.
“Dude’s going full-on Oogway all of a sudden.”
Lavitz really is just a crazy turtle, after all!
The words that left Lavitz’s mouth cut very deep into Stryfe. He felt that there was wisdom in these words.
Why did he find the words cutting? Shirley flat out told him that his plan was fine and the he should keep going like he already was. You can’t manufacture a revelation for a character if the story keeps reaffirming that he’s already right, author!
As Lavitz turned to head back into the Slums, he turned around and faced Dart one more time.
Lavitz: When the war ends, I’d like for you and Stryfe to have a drink with me in Bale.
Dart: Wha? He, Hey, wait!
“Why wait? You’ve already farted around in town and wasted a whole day already. What’s spending some time for a drink between friends at this point?”
While Dart watched Lavitz head back to the Slums, Stryfe made his presence known.
Dart: Stryfe!? How long were you there!?
Stryfe: Long enough to hear everything.
Which should have been more than long enough to know better.
“C’mon kid, you can do better than that! Eavesdropping is a pretty weak attempt at winning the 2016 douchebag award.”
Dart: Look…I’ll deal with the Black Monster, Stryfe. You don’t have to accompany me this time.
Stryfe: If you go alone, who’s gonna watch your back, Dart?
Stryfe: We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. Let’s head back for now.
Wow, talk about the author doing everything in his power to make sure the plot stays on-rails. That was probably the most painfully obvious play to keep the plot from changing that I’ve seen since Parallel Realities.
Heading back to the Slums, Stryfe and Dart rendezvoused with Shana, Rose and Lavitz before leaving the slums. Just as they were about to leave Lohan, a commotion from the entrance of the town caught their attention. It was a Basil Soldier, his back riddled with numerous arrows.
“Fairly reasonable. I mean, a dead body with a bunch of arrows in it does tend to cause a bit of a scene.”
Especially when it just pops into existence like that.
As the soldier limped into the village, he managed to give a slight smile when he saw Lavitz among the crowd.
“What!? He’s still alive!?”
Man, that dude is badass! Made it to town even after being peppered with arrows. Can the rest of the fic be about him?
“Either way, they should probably get Shana over there so she can whip out that healing magic on him.”
Lavitz: Knight! What happened to you!?
Knight of Basil: Sir…Lavitz…I’m glad…I will not die in vain now…
Lavitz: What happened!?
“Less talk, more magical healing!”
Knight of Basil: The Sandorans…surprised us with an attack…His Majesty Albert…is in captivity…
“It can wait five minutes while Shana casts Moon Light on him!”
“Somebody really needs to shove Shana up there so she can save this guy. Questions later, assholes!”
Knight of Basil: The King…Hellena…
The soldiers eyes turned gray, and his head fell to the ground, with his body now limp and numb.
“For fuck’s sake, people! You had one job!”
Lavitz: King Albert! Hold on!
As Lavitz began running for the entrance, Stryfe and Dart restrained him.
If only he had showed that much concern for the dying knight.
“Meh, Lavitz loses so many knights, what’s one more?”
Dart: Lavitz, calm down!
Stryfe: Pull yourself together!
Lavitz: Let me go! I have to save the King!
“I see what you mean about Lavitz.”
Yeah, more than a little suspicious.
While Stryfe and Dart struggled to keep Lavitz restrained, Haschel jumped over them and punched Lavitz in a specific area of his stomach, knocking him out.
“That would be that specific pressure point in the abdominal area that causes unconsciousness. It’s called the plot point.”
Haschel: Sorry about that.
“Don’t apologize, I’ve wanted to punch him since chapter fourteen.”
Taking an unconscious Lavitz to Sanator’s residence, the group waited for almost two hours before Lavitz regained consciousness.
Well, at least it wasn’t a scene tag.
Lavitz: I am…
“I’m so embarrassed that you’re my author right now.”
I could always give you back to Vic.
“Ah… um… no, that’s okay. I think I’ll hang out here for a bit longer if that’s okay.”
Stryfe: Hey, he’s waking up.
Lavitz: Huh!? King Albert!
Haschel: Don’t even think about it! When knights lose self-control, their lord cannot be saved!
That’s a weird bit of advice. Both generalized and oddly specific at the same time.
Dart: Only we can save King Albert now.
“And we know that because…”
Stryfe: While you were sleeping, we went out to learn more about the situation.
A shame the author decided to pass up on yet another opportunity to actually show something.
“Not really surprising, but still a shame.”
Haschel: Bale is under occupation. So, I don’t think the remaining knights can do anything.
Lavitz: What about the King!?
Uh, kidnapped. Duh. A dude died to give you that information, the least you could have done is paid attention to him.
Go ahead and say it.
“Lavitz senpai didn’t notice him.”
You happy you got that out of your system?
Dart: He offered himself up as a captive so that the people in Basil could be safe.
Lavitz hit the dresser near the bed in frustration.
“Cool your tits, bucko, or I’ll add you to the wedgie list.”
Lavitz: Just because I defeated a Dragon…! Why was I knocked out like that!
“The hell does that mean? Those two statements don’t seem to have anything to do with each other, and that first bit ain’t even related to anything going on.”
No idea. It’s actually in the script of the game, so I guess it’s a translation woops.
Stryfe: Stop beating yourself up, dammit!
“Strike that. Beat yourself up all you want, just leave the furniture alone.”
Especially since it’s not even their furniture.
Haschel: He’s right. This is no time for procrastination.
Okay, that’s not even fair. You can’t just leave it that wide open for me. You just can’t. The setup just doesn’t feel real when you make the joke that obvious.
Dart: We’re going to Hellena!
“Weren’t they just there rescuing Shana?”
They’re going to Hellena!
Stryfe: We’re going to save the King, Lavitz! Count on that!
Shana: We still have time to save him!
“We know this because of frmlgrmealmnty.”
Rose: If you are going to go, make up your mind quickly.
Uh, Rose, they’ve pretty much all decided to go. Hence all the “we’re going” talk. Maybe pay a little more attention to the conversation, kay?
Lavitz: You…you’re right! We can save him! But what about you, Master Haschel?
Haschel: I’ve come this far, I might as well go with you all.
“‘Come this far?’ What, walked across town to the inn?”
It’s a pretty long walk, and he wasn’t even wearing a sweater.
Lavitz: what about your daughter!?
Haschel: I’ve already been looking for her for 20 years. Going with you all for a while won’t make any difference.
Stryfe: Thanks, Haschel! We can definitely use your help!
Dart: Let’s get some supplies first, then we’ll head for Hellena first thing!
So much for that not procrastinating thing.
“The crew snaps into action! They gather supplies, have a nice dinner, a full night’s sleep, a hearty breakfast, catch another quick round of games in the slums, and then rush immediately to the king’s aid!”
Once they left the shops, the group quickly headed to every shop in sight to look for supplies they would need for the journey to Hellena.
Um, what? Didn’t they just leave the shops? Why are they going to all the shops if they just left them!?
*Suddenly, and definitely from behind, Swenia pounces on Taco and starts taping him to the ground.*
Reached the end, have we?
“Yup. Here, bite down on this stick while I unpack the muzzle.”
As soon as they had everything they needed, they left Lohan and headed East, back towards the eastern coastline of Endiness, where Hellena stood eerily over the land…
“And there we have it! Another week down. Boy, that was even less exciting than normal. Though the lack of action was probably for the best.”
“Taco concurs. Now, if you’ll all excuse me, I’m going to go see about collecting a small harem of gymnasts. Until next week patrons!”