1133: The Pirate and the Peasant – Chapter 3Posted: August 7, 2015
Title: The Pirate and the Peasant
Topic: Frozen, Rise of the Guardians, Brave, Tangled, How to Train Your Dragon, Peter Pan, Percy Jackson and The Olympians
URL: Chapter 3
Critiqued by Ghostcat (with special guest Syl)
Hello once again, dear Patrons!
We’ve passed the halfway point in this little fic, it’s all downhill from here.
“When was it going uphill?”
Good point. In case you’re wondering, I’ve managed to bribe Syl into returning for another chapter. It only took a barrel of my finest whisky.
“Lucky for you, I have the ethical integrity of a dockside whore.”
And I really appreciate that about you.
So what happened in the last chapter? In a departure from the standard narrative flow, the author decided that the second chapter would be the perfect place for a prologue/ backstory info-dump briefly covering the history of the “pirates”.
“I am not calling them that.”
I don’t blame you.
Hey guys! I hope you all had a happy new year!
“Since when does the new year start in August?”
Since authors like to treat their fic chapters like topical blog entries rather than works of fiction.
I hope you all like this chapter, it’s all over the place :p
And that’s different … How?
:shrugs: “Don’t ask me, I’m just here for the free booze.”
I also kinda dropped the f-bomb sorry. I wasn’t planning to curse as much in this story, if at all cx oops
“The hell does that mean?”
I don’t really know. I’ve always considered language use to be an integral part of character-building; how someone says something is nearly as important as what they say. When a calm and polite character uses a profanity, it has more impact that when a foul-mouthed character uses the same words.
“But these are criminals, not church deacons. They will use profanities.”
Some authors aren’t comfortable with strong language – while others sprinkle vulgar language through their works like it’s profane confetti – so they feel the need to apologize if they use any.
Elsa entered the town for the second time. She finally took the chance to look around. There was a festival going on, it seemed.
… So it looks like we’ve returned to the end of the first chapter. Goody.”
:headdesks: “What was the point of the last chapter, then?”
:shrugs: Dunno. If it were me, I’d swap the first two chapters.
She approached a villager, delicately tapping his shoulder. “Excuse me sir, do you mind telling me why there’s a festival?”
“How did this child not notice a festival the first time she entered the town? Did the villagers decorate while she was talking to the Stabbity Brothers?”
Maybe they used Pinky Pie’s party cannon.
“Is that the spangly gun the bossy lizard likes to play with?”
You might not want to call Eliza that to her face.
“Oh not at all. Every year, tomorrow, the king and queen release lanterns along with the kingdom. Their daughter was stolen eighteen years ago and tomorrow is her birthday. We refer to her as the lost princess.”
Ugh. That’s the most awkward synopsis of Tangled I’ve seen.
“It looks like the king and queen are going to release their kingdom along with some lanterns.”
Free-range countries are much better for you than cage-raised.
“You sound like one of those, what do you call them? The odd folk with the strange clothes? Hippies?”
“Yeah, those. Hippies.”
It’s hipsters. Hippies are something completely different.
“Alright, thank you.” Elsa bows a little out of respect and goes on her way, thinking.
“Is she considering calling off this stupid plan of hers? Because a large festival is going to mean a lot of potential witnesses meandering about.”
Oh, you know better than that.
She hurried ahead, her eyes scanning the streets for Jack.
“Are the streets empty, or are they full of people who might be blocking her line of sight?”
“That’s not helpful.”
:shrugs: It’s a Schrödinger’s plot point; with no concrete description it can be both and neither at the same time.
She heard music in the distance, in the town square. Slowly making her way in that direction, Elsa slowly began to recognize the music, or rather, the song that was playing.
“What? You don’t like music?”
It’s not me, it’s Herr. He has … strong opinions regarding music.
It was an old, upbeat song her mother used to sing to her and Anna when they were little. She and Anna would dance together and sing along.
Crapcakes. I smell a flashback approaching.
“But the last chapter was nothing but flashbacks!”
:pats Syl on the shoulder: There, there. Just keep drinking until it makes sense.
“I don’t think the barrel’s big enough for that.”
Elsa’s usual stone hard expression melted into a nostalgic smile, before she bounded into the square.
Oh, no you don’t!
“Easy, girl. You almost spilled my drink.”
I’m sorry, but Elsa can’t have a “usual” expression if that expression was never described in the first place! That’s like saying I have a birthmark in the usual place – it’s null data!
“It’s on your bum.”
:spluttering: …How … When …
“That Japanese style bathhouse the little pajama guys installed is wonderful, isn’t it? Very invigorating.”
:reflexively covers butt: YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LOOK!
“Honey, I always look.”
She did a spin, her hair falling from its bun into a messy braid.
Gee, I wonder where the author got that from?
“Oh, I know!”
You’ve seen Frozen?
“I get bored hanging out by myself in the Lounge between riffs and the other night the bossy lizard and the leather girl with the guns were having a Margaritas and Movies marathon. Afterwards we went down to the go-kart track with the lion.”
This will not end well.
“It was fine; we didn’t even need bail money, turns out the leather girl is pretty good with cell door locks.”
Please stop talking.
Letting her memories take control, Elsa started clapping as she was dancing around, happily spinning and singing along.
And it looks as if we’ve segued directly into a scene from Tangled.
“You had to know it was coming once the festival was mentioned.”
Yeah, but I was really hoping I was wrong.
She gently took the hands of a little girl who was standing alone. Her mother seemed to be ignoring her as she talked to someone.
“Oh, lighten up. It isn’t as if she’s going to seduce the child into a life of crime right there on the street. You have to wait until the third date for that.”
“Would you like to dance with me?” Elsa asks her softly, earning a happy nod. Elsa smiles brightly, laughing as the little girl’s blonde braids swung as they danced.
IS SHE KIDNAPPING A LITTLE GIRL?!?
“Bold move. Maybe their ship needs a cabin wench.”
Elsa spun the little girl around, slowly showing her the dance she’d done with Anna when they were young.
The little girl happily dances, calling to her mother. Elsa dances over to the girl’s mother, tapping her shoulder. She pulled her in to dance with her daughter.
:groans: This is going to be exactly like the dancing scene in Tangled, isn’t it?”
“Well, Elsa doesn’t have incredibly long hair and she’s wearing a blue dress instead of a purple one…”
Oh, that makes all the difference! And I suppose her erstwhile love interest is just going to happen by and get drawn into the dancing as well.
Next, Elsa continued dancing around, catching the eyes of none other than Jack.
“Hey, you’re not bad at this.”
Don’t say that like it’s a good thing.
Her eyes sparkled with youthful innocence as she continued spinning around. Everyone around them was clapping, singing, dancing.
“The supposed pirate captain is a youthful innocent?”
Truly she does not know how to pirate.
Someone shoved Elsa toward Jack, making her stumble. Refusing to allow his help, the pirate regained her balance and took his hands in her own.
“Elsa, what are you doing?” Before Jack could even completely get the question out, Elsa dragged him toward her.
“Elsa I can’t dance. I don’t even know you that well!”
“Just feel it!”
“Feel what?!” Jack was practically shouting, hopeless.
Contempt? Boredom? Confusion?
“A tiny bit tipsy?”
“The music. Feel the music.” Elsa rolled her eyes, a playful smile pulled against her lips. The two spun around to the beat, swaying and waltzing at an upbeat pace.
:groans: Sweet mercy, a dance sequence – in a written work!
“I’m having trouble picturing this.”
Yeah, it’s one of those things that works much better in a visual medium.
After who knows how long, the two stopped dancing. Elsa looks at him, tempted to take him now.
ON THE DANCE FLOOR?!?
“Meh. I’ve had better. There was this one time, I was hiding out in this bakery and one thing lead to another and the next thing I knew we had started drizzling caramel all over…”
Save that for Swenia, she loves those kinds of stories.
She suddenly found herself letting go, letting him walk away with another lop-sided smile.
“She went there!”
I know, right?!?
She cursed herself, stamping her foot down on the ground. Weaving her way between the people, Elsa reaches out. She reaches for his cloak, her fingers just an inch away.
“Has the definition of letting things go changed in recent years?”
Not that much.
He then moves forward, making her efforts fruitless.
HA! The Sue got cock-blocked! :holds up hand, palm towards Syl:
Just high-five me.
:Syl and Ghostie high-five:
“I guess it counts as a cock-block as well, since Jack presumably owns a penis and Elsa would like the use of it.”
I beg you to stop talking.
Elsa stops trying, standing there with an annoyed frown.
“Suck on it, you useless excuse for a captain!”
Wow. Tell us how you really feel.
She heads back to her ship, her scowl evident. She hoped at least one good thing would come out of today.
“She’s just giving up? Just like that? What happened to stealing a piece of boy-candy?”
Please stop calling him that.
Elsa does seem to give up rather easily, not something I’d expect from a do-or-die pirate who single-handedly brought about the downfall of several countries.
She hoped Kristoff and Merida got the princess, or the Stabbingtons got the crown jewels. She didn’t know which she wanted more.
“Jewels, definitely the jewels. Far less maintenance required. Hostages are too perishable.”
That’s a disturbing thought. Is she at least going to check up on her stooges, or just assume they perform flawlessly despite knowing nothing about them?
I can see how that would get annoying.
Well, maybe she wanted the jewels more. The princess was just for ransom, unless, of course, she could be a valuable asset to the team. Although Elsa highly doubted that.
“I’ve spotted a problem in this plan.”
“If Elsa is going to steal the crown jewels, which are somehow going to bankrupt the kingdom and usher in communism, how does she think the princess’ family will pay the ransom for her?”
…Damn. Elsa really didn’t think this through.
Not even halfway down the dock, Elsa could hear the enraged shouts coming from her ship.
“They’ve finally decided to vote her out of her office?”
“On a pirate ship, the captain is voted into their position. The crew won’t follow someone just because they order the crew to do so.”
“Of course, if they are voted out of the office the captain gets left on a barren rock somewhere with a pint of rum and a pistol with one shot.”
I can see how that would be an incentive to do a good job and keep the crew happy.
They sounded… familiar in a way, although that couldn’t be possible.
“They’re her bloody crew! Did she forget what her own bloody crew sounded like in the past … wait, how long has she been gone?”
:shrugs: I dunno, a few minutes? There’s no real indication of the passage of time, but with what she’s managed to get done I’d say less than an hour.
Elsa decided the dance was enough sickening nostalgia for the day. She breathes out sharply and continues on to her ship, climbing up a rope.
“The ship is docked; why does she need to climb a rope to reach the deck?”
“Now, what is going on?” She growls at her crew, specifically looking at Hiccup, who was hiding a little behind Tink.
:snorts: “Some man she’s chosen for herself.”
How is he hiding behind a fairy? Tink is tiny; the only way he could do this would be if she was much larger than her canon version, but jack-all has been put into the descriptions of these characters so I have no idea how big she is.
He points to starboard, making Elsa spin on her heel.
Hey, the author used a nautical term!
“I will give you a bag of gold the size of a spaniel puppy if you can tell me where he’s pointing at.”
“If you don’t let me go, Aunt Rosa and Uncle Dan are going to get after you!” Princess Anna was tied to the mast, yelling at Kristoff.
You have a problem with tying someone to a mast?
“Oh, I’m sure it sounds very dramatic if you have no idea what you’re talking about. And it might work if you’re Odysseus; but they are in a port, presumably, in the country ruled by this girl’s family. They should truss her up like a Christmas goose and toss her belowdecks until they are clear of the area. Even in the lawless swarm of humanity that are most ports, people tied to the mast will be noticed. Failing that, at the very least they should gag and hood her.”
Elsa swallowed the lump in her throat, racking her memories for the names of her aunt and uncle.
“Why is she thinking about her aunt and uncle now? And which aunt and uncle? She probably has several.”
I’m just going to hide behind the desk for no reason.
Regina and David? No. Um… Roxanne and Dean? No that’s not it.. Rose and…
Elsa’s eyes widened. Rosa and Dan.
This princess Anna… This was her sister. No wonder the shouts were familiar.
:Syl rises to her feet, tipping over the desk:
“How in the bloody fucking hells can she be Elsa’s sister? The girl vanished and was presumed lost; the first bloody place the authorities would have checked is the bloody house of her bloody relatives that they were bloody visiting!!! They aren’t some apple farmers in the backside of beyond, they rule the fucking kingdom! SOMEONE SHOULD NOTICE HER!”
I think we need some tea. :rings Tea Bell:
“I DON’T WANT ANY … Ooh, is that Lapsang Souchong?”
—ONE BRIEF TEA BREAK LATER—
Syl’s right to be upset; this is a very, very, VERY implausible scenario. There is no way that Anna could go missing and be living with her aunt and uncle at the same time without someone knowing about it. It would be especially stupid of Elsa, who orchestrated this kidnapping scenario, to not realize that the princess she was planning on kidnapping was her own sister.
“Get her off my ship.” Elsa hisses toward Kristoff. “But Elsa-”
“I said get her off my fucking ship!” Elsa cried out, stamping her foot onto the deck. The ship creaked a little with the force, making the crew flinch.
Nothing puts fear into bloodthirsty pirates like behaving like a cranky toddler.
“I’m concerned for their safety; if a little foot-stomp makes the ship creak that badly, how have they managed to stay afloat so long?”
That’s why you don’t let a blacksmith build your boat.
“Wait, your name is Elsa?” Princess Anna piped up.
“Caught that, did you?”
She must be the smart one in the family.
The angered captain shot a glare to the princess. “I would say to take her back to Arendelle, but no one deserves to deal with the advisors. Send her back to the Coronaen castle.”
Wouldn’t taking her back to Arendelle require Anna to remain on the ship? Elsa’s directly contradicting her own orders.”
Anna’s definitely the smart one.
“Wait, are the advisors alive?”
It kind of looks like they are. Now I’m confused by what the author meant when Elsa “put an end to them” in the last chapter; if they’re still there then she really didn’t do anything except abdicate her crown, which was exactly what the advisors wanted her to do.
“What a rebel.”
“Hey!” Anna snaps. “Is your name Elsa or not?!”
“She’s awfully mouthy for someone tied to the mast of a pirate ship.”
Maybe we should revise our opinion of her.
“What’s it to ya? You never got to see me anyway, why do you even care Anna?!” Elsa shouts back, tears pricking behind her eyes.
“Elsa…” Anna whimpered. Elsa looked into her eyes, seeing the girl she was best friends with, seeing her baby sister.
“I have a question.”
“How long has Anna been “missing”? Has it been long enough for her to forget what her sister looks like?”
I have no idea. There’s been some passage of time; the king and queen (and Anna) were declared dead, Elsa was installed as queen, she became fed up with (and possibly killed off) the advisors, and embarked on a life of half-assed piracy. All that would take several years, but I’m not sure precisely how long. I’m not even sure how old anyone is.
The only age given is Elsa’s when she became queen, she was eighteen, but there’s been no indication as to how old she is now.
“Untie her. Send her to my quarters. Then she is off this ship.”
:SMACK!: That’s her sister!
“You promised they could watch next time!”
SHE’S HER SISTER!
“Hiccup, please, do as I say.” Elsa pleads, looking at the blacksmith. “And how many times have I told you? You call me Elsa.” She says, before disappearing into her quarters.
“Didn’t he already call her Elsa once? That’s how Anna found out her name.”
I think that was Kristoff.
“Oh. Sorry, it’s hard to keep track of everyone who may or may not be on the deck.”
I feel your pain.
“So are you Elsa’s boyfriend?” Anna asked Hiccup as he untied her. “No.” “Why not?” “Because the captain has eyes for someone else, and so do I.”
“He’s not her lover?”
That was kind of an assumption on our part, what with them making up after a fight and everything.
“How does he know about Elsa’s obsession with Jack? She spotted him while dangling off the bowsprit and then left on her mission without mentioning him to anyone, and just now arrived back.”
To be fair, she isn’t exactly subtle. I’ve seen fangirls who were more restrained.
“Then why can you call her Elsa but no one else can?” “She adopted me as her brother, basically.” “Oh.”
Ugh, that dialogue. It’s all squashed together.
“I think Elsa just adopted Anna as her brother.”
They could hold a family reunion in a phone booth.
“Yeah. There. Go ahead and visit her quarters.” Anna nods, giving Hiccup a hug out of thanks. She rushes down into the quarters, before stopping in front of the door.
She hugged a pirate?!?
“They aren’t pirates, not even close.”
“For old times’ sake.” She whispered to herself, before knocking five times. “Do you wanna build a snowman?” She sang softly, before the door opened.
“You seem upset.”
I get that the author wants to include one of the most iconic elements from the source materials, but this makes no blinkin’ sense. Elsa has no ice-based abilities, the author flat-out stated that in the little spoiler-note she left – that means no snow inside, no late-night sledding, no snowmen. None of that.
“By removing one trait you can nullify ninety-nine percent of the film. That’s impressive.”
Yeah, once you take away Elsa’s powers and the problems it causes, you aren’t left with much.
Elsa was in her captain’s gear once again, except something was different.
Now I have a question.
“My heart fills with joy.”
Smartass. Tell me, what does this “captain’s gear” look like?
:shrugs: “Something different from the dress she was wearing before? There isn’t a standard-issue uniform for a pirate captain, most wear regular clothing.”
She was smiling, and her arms were wide open.
“I thought she was angry at Anna?”
I’m confused as well. This isn’t anything like her previous reaction. I’d expect her to be distant, awkward even. They supposedly didn’t spend much time together, so it would be odd for them to immediately hug.
“Anna does seem like the kind who will hug anyone. it must run in the family.”
wELL WASNT THAT NOSTALGIC OOPS. HOPE YOU GUYS LIKED IT~
“What the hell about this mess was nostalgic? Elsa’s vague memories of her mother? That was barely mentioned!”
But it did evoke memories of the past, however muddled and vague they were. It counts.
:Syl grumbles and tops her tea mug off with whiskey:
That’s it for this week, dear Patrons! See you next time with the final chapter!
“You mean it’s almost over?”
Try to contain your excitement.