1128: Teen Fortress 2 – Chapter TenPosted: August 2, 2015
agig: I’m back with everyone!
Cain: Just one more chapter! We can do this!
Goddess: The end is in crosshairs!
Dakota: …Did you really just say that?
Cain: *sigh* Someone needs to explain the concept of humour to you.
Sem: *hissing* Then maybe send you to the brig for such a terrible joke.
agig: Roll the tape!
AN HERES THE FINAL CHAP OF TEEN FORTRESS 2 ITS GOT SOME OFF THE BIGGEST AKSHUN AN PLOT TWISTS I EVER DONED.
Cain: This bodes well.
Goddess: Yeah, definitely.
TEEN FORTRESS 2
CHAPTER TEEN: GRADULATION
Sem: I bet some of the older people here have such fond memories of their GRADULATIONS
Affer we defeated the zomboys an turrents president Abram Lincon (ITS THE PAST REMBER) gave us all metals for the brave battal.
agig: Zaps Marissa with lightning*
Dakota: *Beats Marissa up*
Goddess: *Shoots Marissa in the leg*
Sem: *Cuts off Marissa’s other leg*
Cain: *Uses the Retcannon to remove Marissa’s arms* Just because your story is in the past does not mean it can have long dead people in it!
Sem: Words cannot describe how idiotic you are. I hope to the Spirits that we aren’t wrong about you being a troll.
Marrissa got the best metal
Cain: Technobabbolium Grade-A?
but I got a good one to that was “Saver of the World from Zombees” (Marrissas was just “Saver of the World”). “Im sooo proud of you Scout.” Pyro happied to me an I smiled big. Marrissa, Wheatly and there new dotter Chell Junor left back to the future an Gabe wipped away some tears. Then Princepal Buisness Man was got there.,
Not a Verb Counter: 186
Cain: None of us could find anything to say in our scripts, but we still needed you to see this part.
“Did you guys forgot what time it is?” He asked lolling an we were all relay confused. Ingineer, hoo was the smartest dude then rembered. “Oh yeah todays are Graduation!”
Not a Verb Counter: 188
agig: I just Rembered how stupid this fic is.
Everone o-mouthed we was all so caut up in the fight we forgot all bout it! “Step an get yur diplomas everone!” Principal Buiseness Man turned to some jerk dudes they was… RING MATER AN THE FALMER TROLLZ!
Not a Verb Counter: 190
Cain: I don’t think Falmers are a species of Troll.
Goddess: Could someone please confirm?
“But not you guys yur jerks an flamers so you dont get to gradute.”
Not a Verb Counter: 190
Sem: I’d be so sad if I didn’t get to ‘Gradute’.
An he punched Ring Master in the feces.
Goddess: I swear, anytime I hear the word feces, I’m going to have to use brain bleach, thanks to this fic.
The Flamer Trollz was a groop of bullys that all ways meaned at us lick Skep hoo spred BAD RUMORS that I molest/raped Katty the Koala! We lolled an then Principal Buisness Man gaved out are diplomas but…
Not a Verb Counter: 194
Dakota: On the bright side, at least she’s not saying ‘Molestraped’ anymore.
Cain: I’m not sure if that’s a bright side. More like a slightly brighter than Pitch Black side.
agig: Bad music starts to play, then:
The Flamer Trollz were lolling at me an Ring Master (the liter) said “Oh I forgot to menton Scot I met some guys an telled them were you were…” The guys got closer an I saw they were… MY BROS! “Time for revnage Scout1!”
Not a Verb Counter: 199
Cain: How would they know his nickname? And for that matter, who is Scout1?
My bros got a part an a huge mussely guy came out. He was haf syborg with a pices of Sexton Hall stitched to gether wif robot parts an… WULFS HEAD!
Not a Verb Counter: 200
Goddess: Wait, does Scot even know who Saxton was?
“OMG but I killed you Wulf!” I screemed an Wulf lolled. “They ressurekted me an gave me robot parts an Saxton Hale parts for the stronger!” Wulf hold out too hands: one was a wulf the other a Sexton Hall. “I HAF THE POWAR!12” An rocks came out off his feet an he floow at me!
Not a Verb Counter: 203
Sem: One of his hands was a wolf? I kind of want that.
Then Wulf turned an ate the Flamerz, the looks on there feces was classic but the otter bros ran up an started to orgy the bodys for bad magic that made Wulf more powerfull!
Not a Verb Counter: 204
Goddess: Wait, if they did things with the bodies of the people Wolf ate, that required going inside Wolf’s stomach and- Oh God! Why?! Whyyyy?!
agig: Fuck! Why, Marissa!?
Sem: *Mutters disturbingly violent fantasies about killing Marissa*
Cain: Nope! Not happening! We’ll continue this riff another time.
Six months later
Cain: We’re back!
Goddess: He means the two of us. agig went off with Task Force Spirit to check the avatar section, and Sem and Dakota went off to scout various Sadielover fics.
Cain: That means it’s just the two of us.
Goddess: Let’s continue now that we’ve recovered from the, uh, revelation.
Heavy got Sasa out an tried to shot Wulf but the bulls didant hurt him so Wulf crabed Heavy an his stomach opened an the lung intentine gut out an tangled (lol) Wulfs feet. “DONT WORRY HEERVY!” Medik shooted a gun at Heavy but it was a spesal gun so instead of killin him it made him ok so Heevy riped guts open an threw more intentinles at Wulf.
Not a Verb Counter: 206
Cain: Who even hands out artistic licenses? They need to be arrested for giving one to Marissa.
Pyro taked er flamethroer an flamed my other bros so Wulf was weekend an I cold bat at him with Marrissa. Sniper thot smartly an throwed Katty at Wulf an she started eatin his man balls!
Not a Verb Counter: 210
Goddess: I now longer believe anything you say in regards to the Katty molestation.
But Wulf didant care, he was to mad an meen. The Sexton hand graped my neck an was chockin me an Heave keeped throwin his internals guts at Wulf but no thing happoned. A blowback happened an we o-mouthed to robots one a orange ball an the other a blue line thing was there wif portal guns!
Not a Verb Counter: 215
Goddess: Atlas and P-Boy are good now? What?
“We are Atbod an P-Las hoo are ATLAS AN P-BODYS GOOD GUY KIDS!” They said with lowdly. This was shockin, P-Body didant abortion affer all?
Not a Verb Counter: 216
Cain: How does one abortion?
Goddess: Well, my dear friend, it involves taking a noun, carrying it to a castle, putting it in the dungeons for 3.59783 days, then taking it out so it is now a Verb.
Cain: That somehow makes more sense than this fic does.
Goddess: What did you expect? This is, after all, an MTW fic.
“Marrissa an Wheatly send us to help you guys lol.” P-Las lolled an she shooted portals at Wulf. “We also brot backup.” Atbod addled an some wresslers like Strong Bod an Hulk Hogan was there. “I WILL FITE ALL YOU GUYZ AN STILL WIN BECOS IM ENVIABLE?” Wulf austrained becos he had Saxtons aksent now.
Not a Verb Counter: 220
Cain: *snerk* I love that Wolf isn’t even sure if he’s enviable.
Goddess: Well, since he’s part “Sexton Hall”, part Cyborg, and part Dog/Human hybrid, I’d say that’s understandable.
Hulk Hokan an Strong Bad did the for-point-throwin-tar-techneek
If someone could kindly explain what the hell that is, I’d be very happy.
an I shoffed Marrissa the bat down Wulfs throte so he coldant breath. “This is the last star Wulf you g**** f***** b******!1j”
Not a Verb Counter: 221
Cain: *shudders* I can only imagine what is behind those asterisks.
An then I put Bunk Kola in the eyes so he coldant see. Katty refracted Wulfs balls
“Refraction is the bending of a wave when it enters a medium where its speed is different. The refraction of light when it passes from a fast medium to a slow medium bends the light ray toward the normal to the boundary between the two media.”
Goddess: Yeah, so unless Wolf’s balls are made of light, then Katty did something else I really don’t want to think about.
Cain: Redshirt 355246874578843576, I need a two liters of brain bleach for each of us, ASAP.
*The Redshirt hands over the brain bleach, but trips and somehow flies into a malfunctioning electrical conduit, three decks down, on his way out. He does not survive*
Goddess: Give us a moment for the brain bleach to have its effects.
Ten minutes later
an Heavy strangled him with his lung intones. Alls the fightin was goin in Wulf an it was to much powerful so he explosioned wif BOOM BOOM BAM BAM BLAM BOOM! Then he died.
Not a Verb Counter: 224
Goddess: *Smacks Marissa* Bad author! There are no intestines in your lungs!
Alls the fightin was goin in Wulf.
Not even remotely how it works.
“Its finally over.” I sied an sat down next to Pyro. Sniper packed up Katty hoo told him somethin but we coldant here becos we dont speak koala. Medik was heelin up Heavys gut wounds an Demonman an Gaz was playin video games an Demoman gave Atbod an P-Las some drugs an beer. We all lolled becos some things never change lol.
Not a Verb Counter: 228
Cain: Who’s Demonman? And why are you laughing when drugs and alcohol always make people evil in this fic?
“Ill miss all you guys sooooo much yur my best frends!” Gabe Jonson said an all the Teen Fortress 2 an Ratman an Strong Bad an Hulk Hokan an Business Man an Mr. Pursel an Mr. Logik an Katty the koala got to gether. “GROOP HUG!” I yelled an we all huged. Once the hug was done to guys walked up.
Not a Verb Counter: 229
“Hi my name is Redman an this is my brother Bluman we are lookin for a teem of guys to fight an we saw you guys Teen Fortress 2 an you got chops.” Redman shacked are hands. “You can be my team an Redman will make evil clones to fight an yull be called TEAM FORTRESS 2!” Bluman said. I looked at Heevy, Medik, Sniper, Pyro, Spys head, Ingineer an Demoman. “What do you guys thin?” Everyone smied an nodded with heads. That was the day we bekame… TEAM FOTRESS 2!
I HOP YOU ALL LICKED MY STORY SEPT YOU DUMB FALMER TROLLZ AN YUR MST BOUT SCOUT MOLESTRAPIN KATTY =(
Not a Verb Counter: 235
Goddess: *Wipes a tear from her eye* What? No I’m not crying tears of joy about this fic finally being over!
Cain: That’s an oddly specific denial.
Goddess: Shut up! Besides, don’t you have something else to do next?
Cain: No, actually. The next riffs are from agig, Sem, and Dakota. We have a while off!
Goddess: We do? Well then, what do you say to a Bokken match?
Cain: Sure. I need to brush up on my swordsmanship. Granted, not as much as you, but I digress.
Goddess: Says the guy that lost his last seven matches. *Gets up* Well, you coming? *Sprints towards the sparring room*
Cain: *Runs after her* Hey! You know as well as I that I lost only because we were attacked!
Goddess: *Says something in response, but is too far away for us to hear*
That’s all, folks!