1121: Shinobi & Wizards: Resolution – Chapter Seven

Title: Shinobi & Wizards: Resolution
Author: DragonKnightRyu
Media: Anime / Manga / Book / Movie
Topic: Naruto / Harry Potter
Genre: Fantasy / Adventure / Cross-Over
URL: Chapter Seven
Critiqued by Lyle and the shinobi intern Koori

Good morning, lovelies!  Welcome back to the next chapter of “S&W:R.”  Last time we met Harry-Sue and DKR Ryu hosted a surprise birthday party for Naruto where the cheapest teachers in the universe pooled together the money they found in the couch cushions to buy him a box of chocolate.  Then the events with Mrs. Norris getting petrified happened twenty days early and Ryu offered to find the solution because Stu.  Koori flipped a table and we discovered that Hiru the Leech is sentient.  Let’s see what fun is in store for us in this next chapter!

Koori: Chamomile on stand-by.  *pours hot water over a tea strainer into a large teapot*

So handy!

Chapter Seven: Demonstrations

Dumbledore hummed to himself as he looked out the window of his office overlooking the school grounds and smiled slightly as he spotted a trio of shadows flit through the Forbidden Forest, turning he faced his desk where a letter was sitting, picking it up he read it once more.

They can just ignore the rule that the Forbidden Forest is off-limits to all students?  If they’re so accomplished at being awesome that they can survive in that forest just fine, why are they at Hogwarts, again?

Koori: Author’s wet dream?

True.

So the letter is from Number-Eight-Fruit-Tree-Sensei.  He’ll be arriving at some predestined date that we are not privy to but that Dumbledore knows.  Basically the note is just asking that Dumbledore not tell the ninja because Hachi wants to surprise them.  We then jump scene to:

Great Hall

Because our author still has not figured out that it isn’t illegal to indicate the location of a scene via the prose.

Koori: That’s not the only thing DKR hasn’t figured out yet.  Punctuation still looks to be a hassle for him; he tends to just leave it out.

“I don’t know why everyone is so scared of that forest,” Jade commented as the three shinobi joined “I mean it’s only the giant spiders that are dangerous, and so long as you stay out of their territory your fine.”

“Look at me!  I’m so awesome!  I’m not afraid of anything!  You all suck because I’m so much more awesome than you!”

Koori: I strongly dislike this character.

“G-giant s-spiders?” Ron asked fearfully going pale “There are giant spiders here?”

Ryu blinked curiously at Ron “Are you scared of spiders?” He asked curiously.

*A bugle sounds in the hallway*

What in the-

Koori: I’ll check.  *goes into the hallway and then pokes her head back into Lyle’s office*  The DRD have challenged us to a PT competition.  They’re in fatigues.

Man, the DRD must really be getting bored of the standard attack methods.  Well, you’re already in a standard issue Konoha shinobi uniform.  You think you can run a few laps and pump out some pushups?

Koori: Do I really need to answer that?  Remember, I work out with Gai-sensei.

Right.  Have fun!

Koori: I will be back shortly.  *runs back into the hallway*

While Koori deals with the DRD, we get some bland dialogue where the Tepid Trio sing the praises of centaurs and unicorns.  The latter allowed Harry-Sue to ride them.  *gags*  Then Naruto asks Hermione what they’re doing with classes that day, because apparently being a student there for over a month still hasn’t familiarized Naruto with the fucking class schedule.  It may change day to day within the week, but every week is the same.  I know you’re a knucklehead but this is just stupid.

Un(Not)fortunately Dumbledore stood up surprising many as he rarely made and morning speeches “Hello everyone, I just wanted to make a small announcement,” He announced “We will be cancelling this morning’s classes as today we will be seeing a demonstration from the shinobi on their skills.”

What the fuck is that?!

Un(Not)fortunately

That!  Right there!  What the serious fuck?

And they’re cancelling classes for a shinobi demonstration?  What the actual flying fuck?

*pours a large mug of tea and gulps it down*

The school rarely ever cancels classes unless there’s some sort of dire emergency.  Not even the Tri-Wizard Tournament cancelled classes.  The events were held on the weekend and all the students, including the competitors, were expected to attend their normal classes.  A demonstration like this would be held on a Saturday.  The only reason for cancelling classes is to emphasize just how important Team Stu is.

Koori: *poofs into her chair*  Whew, that was invigorating!  The DRD tried quite hard.  *pours herself some tea*

I take it that went well?

Koori: I held back after I lapped them twice.  They were looking so discouraged.

The trio blinked in confusion as everyone looked at them “He’s planning something.” Ryu stated as he reluctantly stood up with the other two and walked up to the Head Table.

Wait, so they didn’t even know they had to perform in an exhibition for their peers?  You just randomly sprung this one them?  Wow, Dumbledore.  Dick move.

Koori: Be that as it may, shinobi need to be ready for anything.

True, but my comment still stands.  If you’re just going to be showing off, it’s usually nice to be able to prepare a good routine first.  Otherwise they’ll fumble around for the first part of it trying to figure out what to do and the audience will get bored.

Anyway, Team Stu agrees to this insanity (which apparently needs three hours to perform if they’re cancelling all the morning classes) and they go get ready while everyone gets excited about no morning classes seeing the shinobi showboating demonstration.

When Dumbledore finally gave the signal to file out of the Great Hall one would be able to cut the excitement felt by the students with a butter knife.

*snerk*

So their excitement is so soft and squishy that you’d only need a blunt knife to cut through it?

I do not think that means what you think it means.

I do not think that means what you think it means.

So everyone heads for the Quidditch pitch because it has the most room.  Also, I’d like to point out that, for some insane reason, my spellchecker wants me to change “Quidditch” to Chappaquiddick.  I don’t even know.

“Isn’t this a direct violation of the shinobi creed of ‘Don’t show off’?” Jade asked apprehensively as she stretched out her legs warming herself up.

Koori: What is she blathering on about?  Shinobi show off all the time.  Gai-sensei is notorious for this and he’s a jonin.

Besides, why would Harry-Sue care?  They’ve done nothing but show off since they got there.

“We’re showing basics only,” Ryu said “None of our specialties.”

Koori: Well, that’s boring.  *sits back and folds her arms*

Do you actually want to watch these guys show off?

Koori: Not them, no.  I just mean in general.  If you’re going to have a shinobi exhibition, or any competition for that matter, the whole point is to highlight specialties.  No shinobi ever won from using the “basics.”

The two other genin grinned at his declaration as they nodded their agreement and readiness. Ryu closed his eyes and channeled chakra through his lungs and voice box on order to amplify his voice, opening his eyes he spoke “Hello everyone!” He shouted being heard clearly throughout the stadium “As Professor Dumbledore stated we will be giving a demonstration of shinobi basic skill, the first is our lifeblood, Taijutsu, the art of hand to hand fighting will be demonstrated by myself and Naruto!”

Koori: *twitches*  I’m sorry, but what?  A genin is doing what?  And he’s not even from the Sound Village, or from a group that has oral-based kekkei genkai!

Down girl.  *refills Koori’s mug*  Remember: this is a fanfic written by someone with less brain cells than a spatula.

Koori: *silently fumes and drinks her tea*

Now that the author is done trying to make himself look awesome, what’s next?

The pair leapt to opposite sides of the arena as Jade took over the announcing position “Taijutsu is a necessity for all shinobi,” She explained calmly as Ryu and Naruto took their respective stances “This is what we fall back upon when fight within close quarters, it ranges from hand and foot to weapon usage such as kunai, shuriken and katanas.”

Koori: Oh, so she can do it, too, huh?  And close quarters isn’t reserved for taijutsu!  My senbon are created from ninjutsu, not taijutsu, and I can definitely use them in close quarters!  Genjutsu is also great for getting in close and messing with their minds!  I never fall back on using taijutsu, as if it’s an inferior technique reserved as a last resort!  It’s an integral part of a shinobi’s vast arsenal.  And in the case of Lee, it’s his entire arsenal, and he’s a splendid ninja!

*edges her chair away from Koori*

Shall we continue or do I need to send you out of here?

Koori: This is just so stupid.  *gulps more tea*

I’m going to paraphrase the fight Ryu and Naruto show because one, it’s boring as hell; and two, I’d hate to give Koori an aneurism.

Koori: *mutters to herself about taijutsu being underrated*

Anyway, Ryu and Naruto trade pretty pathetic blows and then bring out their weapons.  The watching students are probably bored to tears since the ninja have decided not to do anything remotely interesting.  These are wizards.  They’re used to flashy.  The only thing that would impress them would be some special techniques.

Koori: Or a working toaster, if they’re anything like Arthur Weasley.

True.

“The second fall back of the shinobi is weapon combat, while Naruto-kun and Ryu-kun are only using their primary weapons, a wakazashi, a short sword, and a pair of tantos dagger’s, respectively most shinobi would carry a full complement of Kunai, throwing Daggers, and shuriken, throwing stars, as well as Flash bangs. Smoke bombs and explosive tags.”

Koori: Weapons are not a fall back!  They are an integral part of any shinobi’s arsenal!  What the hell is this bitch going on about?!

Welcome back, Inigo.

Anyway, so Ryu wins the fight easily and my disgust in Team Stu increases.  Next they decide to demonstrate ninjutsu.  They say they’re going to show everyone the three basic ninjutsu used by shinobi.  The first is the “henge” or “transformation” jutsu.

Koori: Oh, no calling these fall backs this time?  *raises a dark eyebrow*  These are somehow more important than taijutsu?

“Henge!” Naruto shouted immediately forming the ‘Ram’ seal and with a poof of smoke transformed himself into a mirror image of Dumbledore making the headmasters eyes twinkle brightly.

Koori: Naruto can henge with only the ram?  Are you kidding me?  *lifts her hands*  Dog.  Boar.  Ram.  Transform!  *poofs into a twin of Lyle*

Oh, this won’t get confusing if anyone walks in.

So after Ryu explains what the transformation jutsu is, he goes on to talk about the substitution jutsu.

Next has been christened the ‘Lifesaver’ Technique, Substitution Technique.”

The Other Lyle: What?  The “Lifesaver’ Technique?  Who the hell calls it that?  I want names!  I want examples!  I want… I want..

You want another cup of tea?

The Other Lyle: I want another gods-be-damned cup of tea!  *slams it back*

It’s actual “other” name is Body Replacement.  You replace your body with something else the instant before an attack makes contact, thereby confusing your opponent and allowing you to get away.  Allow me to demonstrate.  *Grabs Carlos and thrusts it at The Other Lyle*

The Other Lyle: *appears to be shocked but then poofs into a log of wood*

See?  Harmless log of wood.  *pokes it uselessly with Carlos*  Meanwhile, behind Door Number Two…

The Other Lyle: *emerges from the closet still in Lyle-form*  Ta-da!  *removes the log and sits back in her chair*  No one has ever called it anything but “Substitution” or “Body Replacement.”

I’m guessing it’s the author’s attempts to look like he knows what he’s talking about.

fail

Dropping the Henge Naruto grinned and disappeared with another poof of smoke only for Lockhart to appear where he was standing while Naruto was sitting in Lockhart’s seat grinning, with another poof they were switched again. Chuckling Ryu shared a grin with Jade before speaking up again “I’m sure you can see the value of such a technique, finally we have the Bunshin Jutsu, or the Clone Technique.”

*glances at The Other Lyle*

The Other Lyle: That’s… that’s not how that works.  You don’t just switch places with something, and that something doesn’t appear as itself, it appears as you.  This would be an entirely different jutsu.

You’re taking this one fairly well.

The Other Lyle:  It isn’t quite the same caliber of fail.  It’s still a glaring mistake, don’t get me wrong, but I’m just not as upset over this one.  Or maybe it’s such a pathetic misunderstanding of how a technique works that I almost feel sorry for the little idiots.

Okay, no more tea for you.  *takes The Other Lyle’s cup away*

The Other Lyle: How much more of this do we have?

*checks*  We’re about halfway there.  Did you need to stop or should we keep going?

The Other Lyle: How many chapters after this one?

Four more.

The Other Lyle: Let’s just power through.  I don’t want this fic to take more than another month to finish.

Agreed.

Naruto formed the Cross handseal and with a mutter of ‘Kage Bunshin’ He formed a quartet of shadow clones around himself earning gasps of shock from the crowd, a few of the teachers seemed rather perturbed as well.

The Other Lyle: Also known as the Tiger seal… *rolls her eyes*  That aside, Kage Bunshin no Jutsu is not technically the right technique, either.  That is the name of the Shadow Doppleganger jutsu.  Shadow Dopplergangers are solid and Naruto’s chakra is equally split between all the ones he creates.  Normal clones have no substance.  Observe.  *flips her hands into the tiger seal.  The air next to her chair poofs and another Lyle stands there.  The Other Lyle waves her hands through Clone!Lyle with no resistance before dismissing the clone in another poof of smoke*  Shadow Clones, though, are solid.  *flips her hands again*  Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!  *a single clone poofs back into existence.  The Other Lyle smacks it with a solid thunk*

Clone!Lyle: Hey!  What was that for?

The Other Lyle: Proving a point.  You’re dismissed.

Clone!Lyle: Hrmph.  *poofs out of existence*

“While the technique is classified as a Ninjustu it is more like a Genjutsu as the clones are not solid,” Ryu said winking with Naruto to keep their abilities hidden “And disperse very easily.”

The Other Lyle: It is not a genjutsu!  It isn’t anything like a genjutsu!  Genjutsu change your perception of the world around you!  A clone, solid or ethereal, is still separate from the world around you!  Genjutsu actually messes with your mind and you see things that are not there!  Clones, even insubstantial ones, are still there.

Naruto released the clones and headed over to the sidelines exchanging a high five with Jade as they passed “And finally we have Genjutsu, the Illusionary arts.” Ryu announced as Jade took center stage “Also known as the art of mind fucking.”

The Other Lyle: See?  It changes your perception of the world.

I’m surprised no one seems at all phased with a twelve year old saying “fucking” in the middle of a school sponsored event.  By the way, how long do you intend to look like me?

The Other Lyle: *shrugs*

Jade grinned and flipped through some seals “Magen: Nise no Genjitsu (Demonic Release: False Reality)” She intoned smirking as to the assembled crowd she shimmered before disappearing.

The Other Lyle: Not a name of any known jutsu but the author’s “cleverly” inserted note is appropriate enough.

To the crowd after seeing her disappear they began to look around for her thinking that she did the Substitution technique only for someone to shout in fear as the center of the arena began crumbling and falling away showing a fiery pit as a demonic hand reached up and grabbed hold of the edge as a flaming demon (Think Balrog) pulled itself out one hand holding a flaming sword.

This seems like a pretty advanced genjutsu for a genin to know.

The Other Lyle: *glares at the fic*  Oh, it would be.  This is far beyond the ability of a mere genin.  Usually you don’t start dabbling with genjutsu until you’re much high ranking.  Chunin, at least.  I can do a couple smaller ones but genjutsu was never my strong suit.

I’d bring Carlos out again for the continued use of author’s notes in the prose but at this point, with all the other stupid we’ve been seeing today?  It’s the least of this author’s offenses.

Let’s skim over the next part, shall we?

Teachers and students start shooting spells off at the monster, even though they were told that they would be seeing a genjutsu in action, and what it was supposed to do.  Dumbledore finds it all very amusing, Lockhart faints, and then the monster disappears and Jade does that thing with her face that makes Taco go stabby.

Dumbledore then sees a figure in the shadows of [place] and Team Stu gathers together and tell each other that Dumbledore is planning something.  Ryu tackles the other two to the ground as a fireball attacks them, and Eight-Fruit-Tree-Sensei walks out to them and tells them he’s going to have them climb the castle walls because he’s been gone a while and wants to test them.

All three genins gulped as they saw their teacher’s calm smile, it only meant one thing to them, pain and lots of it.

Really?  When did we ever see that Hachi was a hard-ass on them?

The Other Lyle: I think it was between mumbledemurble and flimduberferfer.

Sounds about right.  So Number Eight asks to be shown around.  The “ninja” agree and Dumbledore tells everyone to get back to class after introducing Hachi to the school as a whole.  Everyone leaves and the shinobi are left alone.  Hachi tells them they will train when DADA would normally have happened since Team Stu is excused from attending that.  He then asks Naruto to go over what he remembered the night he found Mrs. Norris petrified.

Naruto closed his eyes and frowned in thought as he recalled the scene “It was something unfamiliar to the regular scent of the school,” He said “I could also hear hissing of some kind, maybe it was a snake.”

I’d like to point out how ridiculous it is that Naruto would have heard anything.  The smelling thing isn’t very believable, either.  He might be the host of the Nine-Tails, but that doesn’t necessarily give him advanced senses.

“I’ll keep my ears open then,” Jade announced “If it is a snake then I should be able to understand it and be able to locate it better then.”

Hachi nodded and looked to Ryu “What was your prognosis on the cat that was, what was the word, petrified was it?” He asked.

The Other Lyle: How is that a difficult word to remember?

Number Eight hasn’t exactly shown himself to be too smart.  Big words are probably hard for him.

Ryu nodded in confirmation “From what I could tell it’s in a state very similar to a stasis seal,” He explained “But I could find no seal on it, nor was there any obvious tampering with the Chakra network, tenketsu or the Eight Gates, whatever did that to the cat was powerful.”

Might I remind you that you’re not in your world anymore?  Of course there were no seals on it, you dumb-nut.  You’re dealing with magic, not ninja.

Hachi nodded in understanding “Right then, I want you three to start patrols, Ryu and Jade, you two will take from light out to 1 am, me and Naruto will take 1 to 7, understood?” He ordered getting nods of acknowledgement “This will be a part of your stealth training, so if you get caught you will get punished in accordance to the school rules.”

*slow blink*

*BBBBZZZZZZZZZZZT*

So Ryu and Harry-Sue get a 3 hour patrol but Naruto has to pull an all night, 7-hour patrol and attend classes and get his homework done?  When the fuck is he supposed to sleep?!

The Other Lyle: A tired ninja is a huge liability.  How did this Hachi get to jonin rank?

On his knees, probably.

The Other Lyle: What does that have to do-  Oh.  Ooooooooooh.

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“Hai Sensei!” All three coursed saluting causing the man to grin lightly.

“Alright you three, what do you have mapped out for your personal creations?” He asked looking them over.

Jade stepped forward “I’m working on creating a Genjutsu that targets the spiritual portion of the Chakra instead of the entire thing,” She announced “If it works then it should be much harder to dispel then a regular Genjutsu.”

The Other Lyle:  Why are they discussing this in the middle of the Quidditch pitch?

Because [reasons].

Hachi nodded and gestured to Naruto “Well I’m working on a Taijutsu that incorporates my Kage Bunshin jutsu as well as the variants of it that you gave me for my birthday.” He explained “My hope is that the style would be unpredictable and would overwhelm opponents with numbers.”

The Other Lyle: At that age, your style was unpredictable.  And you have a technique like that already: the Uzumaki Barrage.  Of course, you wouldn’t know that yet in this story since you got the idea from watching Lee kick the crap out of Sasuke before the chunin exams.

How would you know all this?  You were still stuck in Mist territory at that time.

The Other Lyle: Naruto is practically a brother to me with how often he used to raid our refrigerator and stay for dinner.  He likes to talk about his past exploits and I have a good memory.

It’s getting really weird talking to myself like this.  Can you turn back yet?

The Other Lyle: Oh fine.  *poofs back into Koori*

Thank you.

Ryu stepped up “Mine is a Fuinjutsu/Ninjutsu hybrid,” He said “I found a technique in my grandfathers journals that channels Raiton Chakra through the user nervous system giving them a point zero reaction time, massive boost in speed and slightly increased strength, however the technique destroys the nervous system thus where fuinjutsu comes into play.”

Well, if that isn’t overpowered bullshit.

Hachi frowned in contemplation “Alright, however before you test it bring it to me to look over and supervise,” He ordered sternly “No need to ruin your career as a Shinobi or anything because of your cockiness.”

Koori: Wait, did Hachi just say something smart?

I’m speechless.

Koori: I’ll finish up then.  Ryu agrees and then the three of them go off to look at the forest.

END CHAPTER

Koori: YOSH!  *pumps her fist into the air*

AN: Sorry for the long delay and the short chapter folks but I was really struggling with this one, anywho I have a question for you all Clan Restoration Act: Yes or No?

Koori: The what?

It’s a fandom thing.  It isn’t canon in the slightest.

Koori: Do I want to know what it is?

Essentially it allows for ninja who are members of lost or dead clans to take multiple spouses to repopulate the lines.  It’s origins are essentially unknown but some fic authors use it as an excuse to let Naruto or Sasuke have sex with all the female characters.

Koori: Tastelessly, too, I bet.

Most likely.  I avoid the concept on principal.  Besides, I’m a KakaIru shipper.  I tend to stay away from the heterosexual side of the Naruto fandom.

Koori: And I thank you for that, or I’d not exist.

Until next week, patrons!  *waves*

Koori: Bye!

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13 Comments on “1121: Shinobi & Wizards: Resolution – Chapter Seven”

  1. GhostCat says:

    “Henge!” Naruto shouted immediately forming the ‘Ram’ seal and with a poof of smoke transformed himself into a mirror image of Dumbledore making the headmasters eyes twinkle brightly.

    Why would this be impressive? These are wizards, they take classes in Transfiguration, plus there’s things like the Polyjuice Potion and wizards like Tonks who naturally possess this ability. The weapons demonstration would be far more interesting to the wizards, since physical combat isn’t something they would be familiar with.

  2. GhostCat says:

    Ryu announced as Jade took center stage “Also known as the art of mind fucking.”

    Did they forget they were doing this demonstration in front of the faculty as well as the students?

  3. TacoMagic says:

    Jade grinned and flipped through some seals “Magen: Nise no Genjitsu (Demonic Release: False Reality)” She intoned smirking as to the assembled crowd she shimmered before disappearing.

    *Cerbersheep charges through the lobby with Horatio*

    BAAAAAAAAA-

    Yeah, you go get ’em, boy. That’s a good sheep.

    *Taco rolls over and goes back to napping*

  4. TacoMagic says:

    Hachi nodded in understanding “Right then, I want you three to start patrols, Ryu and Jade, you two will take from light out to 1 am, me and Naruto will take 1 to 7, understood?” He ordered getting nods of acknowledgement “This will be a part of your stealth training, so if you get caught you will get punished in accordance to the school rules.”

    It’s bad enough that these people don’t understand the issues putting people in an obvious relationship in the same group. But then also giving those two the same patrol shift? It’s like they’re actively trying to be the laughing stock of the ninja world.

  5. TacoMagic says:

    “Hai Sensei!” All three coursed saluting causing the man to grin lightly.

    There is an awful lot of grinning going on. They keep this up, and they’ll ruin the secret that they’re all vacuous idiots.

    I’m kidding, it’s not a secret at all.

  6. agigabyte says:

    I’ve barely even watched any Naruto and I can see every single error! It’s horrible.

  7. Herr Wozzeck says:

    Man, the DRD must really be getting bored of the standard attack methods.

    Well of course! I mean, they’ve been trying it for years and they haven’t really been that successful with standard attacks, now, have they?

  8. Herr Wozzeck says:

    Also, I’d like to point out that, for some insane reason, my spellchecker wants me to change “Quidditch” to Chappaquiddick. I don’t even know.

    *snerk*

    Spell check: being overly protective since 1995!

  9. Herr Wozzeck says:

    “Also known as the art of mind fucking.”

    Aaaaaand my mom would’ve smacked me for that language at that age. Are we supposed to think these kids undisciplined and that stuff?

  10. Herr Wozzeck says:

    as a flaming demon (Think Balrog)

    Bakshi or Jackson? ‘Cause there is a big difference, you know.


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