1111: Teen Fortress 2 – Chapter Eight

Title: Teen Fortress 2
Author:  MarissaTheWriter
Media: Video Game
Topic: Team Fortress
Genre: Drama / Family
URL: Chapter Eight
Critiqued by agigabyte’s Riffleet crew

Cain: Welcome back to… this. We are currently reviewing from the Mantis Captain Sem K’Latis’ ship. Say hi, Sem.

Sem: *Scrapes claws over each other* I’ve read this fic in its entirety, and I hate you. For all eternity.

Cain: Anyway, before we get started, you should go check out the edit of chapter seven.

Dakota: Without further ado, the chapter.


Cain: Yeah, it was depressing, but not because someone died. It’s actually depressing because it has Marissa in it.



Sem: You need to look up the word “funny” in a dictionary. Then you need to have your head smashed in with that same dictionary.

“Hell class sense Mr. Sanpe was kill I am yur new teacher Mr. Logik Editor but you can call me Mr. Logik lol.” Even with the new teech math class was boron an so me an Pyro was passin notes. Pyro gaved me a note that said “Hey Scot do you want to go ot the lock room affer class wink wink?” I o-mouthed an wrote “Shore!” an she gotted it an blushed.

Not a Verb Counter: 128

Dakota: The math class was used as an additive for fiberglass?

When class overed I headed wif Pyro to the lockers but then I saw somethin. Demonan an his girlfrend Gas, a goth emo hoo played all the videogames, was havin a fite. We ran up them an I said “Whats goin on?” Demoan looked at me in the feces an said “SHE ONLEE PLAYS GAMES AN NEVER GOS ON DATES OR STUFF!11”

Not a Verb Counter: 131

Sem: Why. Would. He. Stare. At. Your. Feces?!

Cain: Everyone in this fic is Scatological, remember?

He scottished with angry lowdly. “WELL HE IS ALWAYS DRANK ON DRUGS AN BEER HE GOT FROM ATLAS AN P-BODY~” Pyro an I o-mouthed, Demoman was a druggy jerk1? Then… Demoman got on nees an started to cry. “Its tru I have a problim an addikshun.” He cryed an we all felt sad for him.

Not a Verb Counter: 133

Cain: Look! She spelled P-Body right! Now if she would just get did of her ALL CAPS.

“Dont worry Demmy its ok.” Gaz hugged him to stop the tear cryin. “The Medik can make you cure I bet.” This was a good ideea so Gab, Demoan, Pyro an me all went to the siense lab were Medik was. Insid Medik an Heevy was eatin bananas but Heavy felt on the peel an made the floor ramble becos he was sooo fat.

Not a Verb Counter: 134

Cain: Wait, Heavy’s fatness made the floor take a long walk with uncertain direction?

Dakota: I think that the floor actually said a large speech with no discernible point.

We all lolled at the funny fall.

Cain: That’s rather mean-spirited.

“Waht are you dong?” Medik doctored wile workin on a project. It was… SPYS HEAD ALL PASHED UP!

Not a Verb Counter: 136

Sem: What?! That’s like giving CPR to someone for getting disintegrated!

Spy wass ad an mad at been a head specially becos he had sewiseded so he didant want to life. ‘KILL ME11!” He frenched. “No I need for you siense. So whats goin on guys?” We gave Medik the down lo on Demonman an his problim with drugs an beer. “Thats a essey fix. When Demo drugs an beers jus shot him with this gun!” He handed me a magum pistol. “Bu only shoot at plases that wont kill him or hell dye an it wont work.”

Not a Verb Counter: 141

Dakota: It won’t work regardless!

Deoman wasant listenin tho becos he was busy drinkin a beer so I taked the pistol an shot him in the eye. “YEEOUCH!” He extricated as blood an eye got all in his beer.

Not a Verb Counter: 144

Cain: While the ill-defined rules of the counter mean that extricated isn’t going there, I would like to point out that to extricate is to remove.

Sem: Also, the eye is not a non-lethal place to shoot at!

Dakota: Hmm, are you sure? Maybe I can try it next time we capture some traitors. (Muttering) Bastards.

“Now he is scarred strate an will never drink a gain!” Evryone was soooo happy that Medik fixed Demoman specially Gaz who gived a goth emo eye pash for the lost eye. “Thanks doc!” He scottished an we went for class.

Not a Verb Counter: 147

Sem: *Snerk* “Thanks, Doc, for having my friend murder me to fix my drug addiction.”

“Mayeb anodder time Scot.” Pyro wispered to the eer an I was sad that we didant get to do the do. But Demoman was helped an not a junkie so it was a good day.


Not a Verb Counter: 148

Cain: Hey, look! She spelled Demoman correctly!

Sem: Anyway, the 1st fleet will be repaired next week, so I don’t have to continue riffing this damn thing.

Dakota: See you guys next time!


8 Comments on “1111: Teen Fortress 2 – Chapter Eight”

  1. AdmiralSakai says:

    math class was boron

    So was chemistry class matrices?

  2. agigabyte says:

    Cain: Here are some accompanying materials, courtesy of GONS. I’ll be releasing a glossary as soon as I get a hold of it.

    [b]Gemini Sue Classifications and instructions for Gemini Office of National Security scouts and strike teams[/b]

    Class 4: The Class 4 Sue is a very weak, completely useless being. It’s only power is the Suefluence, which all members of the Gemini can resist. It often surrounds itself with supposedly strong minions who are actually also very weak.

    Any lone cadet could take one of these on. Beware, however, of a Class 4A, Cadets.

    Class 4A: This variant is as useless as the Class 4, but surrounds itself with mildly competent minions.

    A team of four or more Cadets can take one of these on with ease.

    Class 3: The Class 3 has is similar to the Class 4, except it often has similar powers to those of a normal character, just with the Suefluence as well. It often surrounds itself with slightly weaker minions.

    If it is alone, a Cadet team or solo Agent can take it on. Otherwise, they should either get a full team of operatives or a single Senior operative.

    Class 3S: The Class 3S rarely has any Suefluence, but doesn’t need it. It is more powerful than a Class 3 and its entire team combined. It is not, however, quite as strong as a Class 2.

    A duo of Senior operatives can take one of these on and win. However, it is recommended that at least four engage it.

    Class 2: The Class 2 can be seen leading most organized groups of Sue. It is very dangerous, capable of decimating a whole group of Class 3S Sue.

    If a Commando team is in the area, enlist their help. Otherwise, get out of there and alert GONS Command.

    Class 1: Class 1 Sue are extremely dangerous. Their powers often include control over time or space, summoning weaker Sue, Plot Armor, and much more. They are near invincible, capable of absorbing extreme amounts of damage even when you remove their plot armor. They often lead coordinated assaults.

    Do not engage! Alert GONS Command immediately. The presence of a Class 1 often means that there will be a massive attack. We will send out multiple scout teams of Veteran and Senior operatives, and if we find that there is a gathering of Sue, we’ll alert Gemini High Command and request assistance in dealing with this. Otherwise, we will dispatch the EKVT Commando teams to deal with this.

  3. "Lyle" says:

    *waves flag* Only two more chapters!

  4. "Lyle" says:


    I’m still waiting for the funny. *taps foot and checks watch*

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