1106: The Final Hunt – Chapter 10 Part 1

Title: The Final Hunt
Author: Uhjinhyuk55
Media: Video Game/Anime
Topic: Bloodborne/RWBY
Genre: Drama/Adventure
URL: Chapter 10
Critiqued by Erttheking

Chapter 10: Stop lying to me

Nora: Question. Is it an interesting character development if it’s something the reader has been screaming at the story for the last ten chapters?

Ert: Only if it’s done extremely well.

Nora: Well there goes that. Last time Crow was sleep deprived due to trying to track down Alfred and teach a class at the same time. Since he has yet to find Alfred (Which is odd considering that Alfred wanted to hunt down Crow and kill him…is he just sitting around in his trailer waiting for the plot to call him?) and he has proven himself to be a shit teacher, he is failing on both fronts.

The two hunters stood tall with their weapons in hand, the ashen hunter spoke calm to the hunter whom he tried to kill. As for the saw wielding hunter he wanted to know why this man is protecting the atrocities that were meant to be hunted. Frankly he wanted to kill the man and get it over with but the question lingered,

Goeth: See, this is what happens when you use the same noun every three seconds. You use it in a different context and no one knows who you’re talking about. Oh and beasts weren’t “Meant” to be hunted, they weren’t designed. You could argue that they “should” be hunted, but that’s a different implication.

“Djura why are you protecting the beasts?” “Hunter… this land is peaceful, its inhabitants kind” the hunter;s body stopped moving due to the shock he had “Yes Of course! aside from the excruciating death from the beasts here they are kind, why did I not see this before?” the pale hunter nodded in appreciation

Nora: Shut up Crow. I know Djura is Yharnam’s local PETA representative and that he’ll shoot you with a gattling gun halfway across a city for threatening vicious beasts, but at least he has consistent characterization and his cause is somewhat understandable. The beasts that he’s protecting used to be human, so it makes sense that he doesn’t want to see them slaughtered like cattle. The beasts he protects in particular are a lot more human than most of the ones you see in the game, so it makes it interesting. And it’s not like he wants them to kill anyone, when you enter his area he warns you to stay out. He’s a pain in the ass to fight, but he’s a thousand times more interesting than the whiny self righteous Crow.

“Yes, thank you for understanding hunter you are the few that understands” “I am the only one” “I see…” “You must be the most oblivious man I have ever pleasure of meeting” “What do you mean?” “By the gods…”

Ert: Hey, Djura? You know that stake driver you have? Apply a full pressured blast to Crow’s mouth. I want to see how far back his jaw can bend.

Nora: I thought I was supposed to be the sadistic one…and I got over that!

Ert: Where do you think I got the inspiration?

“Gehrman?” the hunter snapped out of his stupor once again, he saw the concerned spartan then back to the professor, “Oh… I apologize now where were we?” the headmaster cleared his throat

Goeth: Well that flashback added a lot!

Ert: Yeah it showed that Crow was a prick. Like we needed confirmation.

(Pointless Counter: 18)

“Parent visitation day, a day where the parents visit the school to watch the teacher teaching the class” the hunter froze at the sudden news “Headmaster why would you inform me now?” Ozpin took a sip of his coffee as usual, the hunter wanted to know how can he drink so much “Did you look at your scroll?” “No…” frankly he still didn’t know how to use the damned device, he can barely able to look into the message and that itself was agonizing, he wanted to destroy the abomination

Nora: I just want to point out that Crow is still struggling to figure out how to use basic pieces of technology in this world (Which would be engaging if the author did anything with it to show how he was struggling to adjust) and Ozpin still thought it would be a good idea to make him a fucking PROFESSOR!

“Then there’s your answer” “Is that why the cafeteria is empty of students?” “Yes, classes starts later today so they can visit their parents, speaking of Miss Nikos why aren’t you with the other students?” the spartan gave a sheepish smile “Oh my parents are arriving late so I decided to stay behind” the hunter wasn’t blind at her affection for the blond knight,

Goeth: There appears to be some kind of warp in time, considering that her affections for Jaune are brought up out of nowhere, with there being no mentioning of the little twerp anywhere. I must investigate.

“Are you sure it is because of meeting your future husband’s parents?” the two teachers looked at the blushing spartan with a mused stare, Ozpin smiled at his outcome. “Miss Nikos I need to speak with professor Crow alone if you don’t mind” “Of course I’ll see you later Gehrman” two hunters were left in the infirmary, Ozpin now had a solemn look on his face “Headmaster you have a reason for being here yes?”

Nora: Nah, I just dropped in to see if the new sheets for the infirmary go well with the carpet. After that I’ll just stand here for three minutes before walking off in a random direction.

“Gehrman I received reports saying that they faced someone that wore similar clothes as you do,

Ert: HOLD IT!  Alfred’s outfit

Ert:  Crow’s outfit

Ert: You’re gonna have to point out the similarities because I don’t see SHIT!

Nora: Oh come on Ert. Aside from the color schemes, size, and material, they’re practically identical.

huntsmen and huntresses that chased after him to identify but none of them couldn’t ,

Goeth: Oh good, they managed to identify him!

Nora: Please tell me English is this author’s second language.

do you recognize this person?” the headmaster handed a picture, rather blurry but enough to notice it, the hunter’s grip crumple the paper, his teeth gritted in anger, it was him, the man who killed Eileen. The foreign sword that was strapped to his side was enough

Nora: Goddam foreigners! Being from the country that I’m not! Also, Crow is foreign to Yharnam too, so him identifying a sword as being “foreign” is weird when everything in Yharnam would be foreign to him.

“What happened to the hunters who encountered what happened to them” “Only few survived” the tone in the infirmary changed heavily

Ert: Oh of course. Because the author is so fucking terrified that RWBY will show up his precious Bloodborne Stu, or make it look like his favorite game isn’t undefinable, veteran hunters and huntresses got slaughtered by one man. Piss off.

“Where was he sighted?” the headmaster didn’t answer, the hunter stood up from the bed “Headmaster where was he?” “And what do you plan to do?” “I will kill him” he stated simply “Gehrman, you need to think this through”

Goeth: He’s right you know. Sometimes after someone goes on a killing spree we need to sit down and have tea and cookies. It’s what I always do.

Ert: Joking aside, Crow could use a plan rather than “Charge and kill”. Doing that hasn’t exactly gotten rid of Alfred, the guy that the narrative keeps calling weak because absolutely everyone needs to be inferior to Crow

“Headmaster that man killed my friend and tarnished my oath. Such treachery will not be tolerated by me”

Nora: I don’t think you know what the word treachery means. And how did he tarnish your Oath? What does he have to do with the Hunter of Hunters?

“And what do you plan to do after you killed him? How can you be sure that more of them will be in this city? As a huntsmen I have a duty to protect these people and I will do so with or without your help” the hunter faced the headmaster, a tension slowly rose between the two different hunters

Ert: So his objection is…there might not be more of them left after he kills this one? Uh. That’s a good thing isn’t it?

Goeth: No it’s not. It’s like hunting on Safari. You can’t overdo it, you gotta leave enough alive so they can repopulate. So you can keep coming back to hunt some more every year. Good old Teddy Roosevelt understood this.

“With all due respect headmaster you don’t know what you’re facing”

Nora: What was it Kye Jen said? “And I ain’t telling?” Crow is infuriating. People are DEAD and he’s still refusing to tell people what’s going on and is trying to handle it all himself. Yeah, great going Crow. You stopped what’s his face from killing all of those people! You’re on a roll!

“You may not know it but I have faced many perils I can stand with the forces that you have faced” the hunter hated the fact that the headmaster faced worse situation than him.

Ert: Me…not special? ME REFUSE TO ACCEPT!

“Fine you wish to know about the abominations that plagued the damned place? I will show you” Gehrman asked with anger hidden from his calm composure

Goeth: Ah yes, he is angry…for no reason.

Crow’s Dorm The hunter gestured the teacher to follow him. The two ended up in Crow’s dorm. There he took out a tattered journal a traces of blood splatter could be seen. The moon scented hunter handed to the huntsmen. “There you go headmaster all the beasts I have faced in Yharnam are in this journal.” Ozpin quickly went through the journal’s pages, along with some diary entries pictures of monsters that could only exist stories. Ozpin read one of the passage as well as a drawing. The had a human body with insect parts like a moth’s wing

Nora: Is there any reason he had to pull out his journal for this? Would it have been too hard for him to recall all of this from memory? I don’t think the little doodles that Crow made on his journal really would’ve made his presentation any better.

Garden of Eyes From what I gathered was that they are once humans that were used as an experiments into the “great ones” An aggressive creature their attacks are relatively easy to evade however once grabbed by one of them by a lunging attack they inflicts some kind of hallucinogenics. It is best to carry sedatives, the best way to kill them is to eliminate them quickly before they have the chance. When outnumbered it is best to lure them by one by one The more I know about this place the more I unveil its madness, I don’t know how long I have been in this place. What am I even doing here? I forgot why I arrived into this cursed city. It’s frightening that people are used for such disgusting experiments.I don’t know what kind of religion it is but it’s sickening, this isn’t a religion this is a bloody cult.

Ert: Nice Crow. Finally, a great big explanation on how things work, real helpful, this really will make sure that the man running through the streets will be caught…oh wait, this has nothing to do with anything that’s appeared in Vale so far so this information is completely worthless to Ozpin. Yeah, this is why, despite giving Ozpin his journal, I consider him to still not be explaining anything, because Ozpin has get to get any information he can actually USE!

“Headmaster?” The old huntsmen wondered who this Jesus Christ was, his best guess was that it was a religion.


Goeth: Also please point out on the chart where Jesus was mentioned in that journal. Because I can’t seem to find it…boy those temporal rifts are out of control today.

“This journal… may I borrow it?” “Yes you may, I will warn you that some of the contents in this journal is unsavory”

Nora: Oh, I thought after the jellyfish men who got experimented on by eldritch abominations I thought it was going to be sunshine and gumdrops.

“I think I can handle it but I appreciate your warning” “Of course, now how much time do I have until class starts?” “You have an hour so that gives you plenty of time to prepare”

Ert: Why is it I get the feeling that he’s going to be building his entire lesson plan from scratch in that hour? Oh right, because he’s a horrible teacher.

“Then I’ll be leaving first headmaster please remember to lock the door when you are leaving” the hunter left his dorm, as for Ozpin he kept reading after few minutes he needed recompose himself. He then went to his office to finish reading his morbid curiosity tempted him to keep reading it.

Goeth: You can read morbid curiosity? HA! And they told me it couldn’t be done!

Crow’s Dorm Durarara (Sought after the extraordinary)

Nora: Either that’s another OST or it’s a load of gibberish. Not sure which would be more annoying.

He didn’t know what was worse, being questioned or meeting their parents, and yes a young man teaching a group of warriors that are the same age as him, it certainly would raise many questions,

Nora: But I decided to take the job anyway and just plow forward without a plan because I’m kind of an idiot.

The hunter was proud of his instinct,

Ert: The one established just now.

Goeth: Unless the rift made it so that it was established ten years ago.

and his instinct was telling him that it would very chaotic, more than the the night of the hunt, the hunter looked at the uniform that was delivered in his dorm with a small note “Uniform is mandatory for all professors”

Ert: Uh, the professors don’t really have a uniform. They just wear whatever. And parent-teacher conferences are more chaotic than the night of the hunt in Yharnam? Yeah, fuck off.

It was same as what Professor Port would wear but all black with white buttons and outlines, a black tie instead the color suited his black hair and black eye patch,, it couldn’t help but to remind him some of the clothes he salvaged it from Yharnam, the hunter went in to the shower room after leaving his badges in to a safe place, thankfully there was no girls unlike last time

Nora: I love how it had to be clarified that Crow managed to make his way into the correct bathroom this time, like it’s some kind of accomplishment. I think even in Victorian times that would be filed under common sense…come to think of it, I’m surprised he can figure out how a shower works and is comfortable with it. Not to mention, Victorian era people actually disliked the concept of bathing. Ok, Bloodborne doesn’t need to follow EVERY aspect of Victorian culture, but the point is that Crow is basically acting like a normal person used to modern culture when he isn’t arbitrarily not because the plot said so. He’s supposed to be from a different world you know!

After taking off his clothes including his eye patch he felt refreshed after all wearing the fabric can be suffocating at times and not to mention it was old, he still couldn’t believe his age reversed, the long hair block his vision, he quickly went to his dorm and brought his blade,

Goeth: Yeesh, reading that sentence is like watching a train wreck in slow motion. All the parts keep getting in the way of each other. It’s actually kind of fascinating.

The hunter held his hair then began to cut it, now he had a rough look with his hair, there wasn’t enough to even make a pony tail, he needed to shave as well… he began to grow a light stubble light but noticeable, but he didn’t have the time for it and personally he thought he looked nice, for once he had considered his looks, the hunter spiked his hair for added looks. ‘Perhaps this is a good idea’

Ert: I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I can’t-the man Victorian inspired world is spiking his hair. The author is basically turning him into that what’s his face guy from Bleach that got mentioned when Crow went eyepatch shopping. This is just-I don’t-BRAIN NO COMPREHEND!

(Gary Stu Counter: 22)

Nora: Not to mention that’s not really a good look for a professor.

The hunter turned on the cold water to wake himself and out of his fatigue, for once his shower didn’t take more than ten minutes, the hunter felt his hair once more the long hair he has grown from Yharnam was now gone, he will began grow a new one in a new world,

Ert: I guess hair takes on different meaning depending on where you grow it out. I think. These sentences feel less like sentences and more like random fragments stitched together. And that’s me being generous.

The hunter exited the shower room and came out into a new person,

Ert: Ew

the hunter made his way to his classroom to prepare for his class, as he walked down to his class he was called by a blond haired man with a beard, he wore a brown khakis with white button shirt and a brown vest on top, he was taller than the hunter “Excuse me my good man?” the hunter ignore at first after all he was a in his adolescent, also emphasize on man

Goeth: “Ignore at first after all he was a in his adolescent also emphasize on man” Hm. Let me see. Carry the two, cross divide…hm. And the results say the meaning of that is sentence this!

Nora: Sounds right.

“Hey? You there?” the hunter turned to see the man “Oh my apologies sir I believed you were asking for someone else” the hunter turned revealing his face, his dark circle more than usual and stubble gave him a roughed look, he certainly did’t look like a teenager now

Ert: Because shaving your beard makes you look ten years older? Yeah no.

“Well do you know where professor Crow is?” “That will be me sir how can I help you?” “You’re Gehrman Crow? you look different” the huntsmen asked in disbelief,

Nora: Different from what exactly? From the other professors or from people in general?

Cowboy Bebop (Bad Dog No Biscuit)

Goeth: Nora and Ert have been saying that to the fic this entire time..

“Yes I had to look formal, that will be me sir it is a pleasure to meet you now how can I-” the teacher extended his arm, the hunter saw a left hook coming towards him he quickly grabbed the fist then began to twist the arm causing the attacker to kneel ‘Oum this kid’s crazy strong ok ow ow ow OW’ “How did you get here Cainhurst?” the hunter pulled out his pistol then pressed it toward his heart

Ert: I’m sorry, WHAT!? This guy comes out of nowhere and apparently he’s a Vileblood? I mean does he even look the part?

“Cainhurst what are you talking about? I’m ju-” “Do not jest with me knight, tell me where the bell maiden is or I will gut you alive”

Goeth: Course after you tell me I’ll gut you anyway, but please tell me otherwise my job to wipe out your entire order will be put on a bit of a hold.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about pal I’m Taiyang Xiao Long, you got the wrong guy pal I just wanted to- youwch!” the professor twisted the arm further, the hunter sensed no fear from the liar, the hunter pulled out his blade of mercy in full form, he placed it on his throat, the cold blade made contact with the worm body “Do you wish to be tortured for an answer when you can easily speak of?”

Ert: Torture, being well known for getting unreliable information. Great, just great. Crow is threatening to torture Ruby and Yang’s father. FOR NO FUCKING REASON! Because he thought the guy was going to punch him, and somehow he made the conclusion that he was a Vileblood, because he assumes only the Vilebloods would punch him in the face.

“For Oum sake! I’m Yang Xiao Long’s and Ruby Rose’s father!” “How do you know their names? By the gods do not even consider using them as a leverage you damned Cainhurst or I will make you wish you could die”

Ert:  Crow. I want you to die. I want three different Vilebloods show up, two of them hold you down while the third one goes to work. First he cuts out your tongue so I don’t have to listen to your talk anymore. Then he cuts the ligaments in your wrists and ankles so you can’t fight back. After that he cuts your stomach open and starts disemboweling you SLOWLY, tearing un-vital organs. Then after that, he cuts your hands and feet off so you can’t save yourself, and watch as you bleed out. I WANT THAT TO HAPPEN!.

Nora:…Jesus Christ Ert!

Goeth: Yeah, seriously, tone it down a notch.

“I’m their dad you lunatic!” “Do not lie to me” the father froze for a moment, the iris of the hunter’s changed its shape but quickly changed, aura of black red appeared slightly, the hunter sensed someone else coming, a sudden changes disappeared quickly Cowboy Bebop (Cat Blues)

Ert: As far as I’m concerned that OST is the “Wa wa waaaaaaaa” sound effect on loop, because that’s the level of writing we’ve reached.

“Dad?!” the hunter to see the blond brawler “Dad?” the hunter repeated the word but with a confused voice “Yeah dad” then it all hit the hunter, he still had his blade not adjusting to his situation thanks to his lack of sleep

Nora: Yeah, I think it takes more than sleep deprivation to nearly murder a man at the drop of a hat you prick.

(Pointless Counter: 19)

(Gary Stu Counter: 23)

*awkward pause* …

Goeth: Where Crow realizes that he nearly murdered someone for no reason. And the audience realizes they’re supposed to like this character.

“Gehrman is that you?” the blond brawler asked “Yes good morning Yang” the hunter replied casually despite the situation “Nice look” the hunter felt her gaze, a hungry one at that and a malice one from the supposed father

Nora: Yeah I supposed if half assed anime cosplay is your thing it would be cool. Wait a minute? A character from a From Software game that looks like an anime character? OH CHRIST WE’RE GOING DOWN THE TWIN HUMANITIES PATH AGAIN!

“I needed to look formal for today after all”

Ert: Where is that formal outside of the Soul Society?

“Oh that’s why, sooooo what are you doing with my dad?”

Nora: Nothing special, murdering him to appease the voices in my head.

“This.. he is your father?” the hunter still had his grasp on the blade and the hand, the father still struggled to get up “Yea that’s my dad…” “Are you sure?” the huntress smirked she rest her hands on her hip “Gehrman I think I know how my dad looks like”]

Goeth: Sorry Crow, no murdering for you today. And we’re booked for the next three months. you missed the boat buddy.

“I thought you and Ruby went to wait for your family, where is Ruby?” “She’s in her dorm and We did but somebody” she glared at the kneeling man, she continued “Didn’t come, Gehrman… don’t let go of him” the blond brawler walked toward her father, he could now feel the fear of the blond man, now he felt guilty

Ert: Oh so NOW he feels guilty. Pressing a gun to his chest and knife to his throat? That didn’t get a guilty reaction?

“H-hey sweet heart” the greeting felt like a plead for one’s life “Hi daddy” the voice was laced with malicious tone, the hunter stood there not knowing what to do, he quickly released the doomed huntsmen “Excuse I must go for… reasons” the hunter ran fast as he could, cloud of dust followed him, “DAD YOU IDIOT!” while he was running he heard a painful cry, typing the scream out would be barely able to describe his pain.

Ert: But-but-but-but-but-but-but-but-WHAT DID HE DO!? For fuck’s sake! Out of nowhere Crow beats the shit out of this guy and nearly slits his throat, and then the author said to himself “You know I brutalized this character I just introduced, I think I need to have Yang come in and beat him up some more because of reasons I will not be able to get across due to my poor understanding of the English language and basic story structure.” Because he didn’t show up to something?

‘Gods save you’ the hunter silently prayed today he learned a new thing to fear and that thing was something called Yang Xiao Long

Nora: Yeah, I’m more concerned with the guy who might murder me because I went to tap him on the shoulder and he decided that was proof that I was a dirty Cainhurst. Oh, ding the counter again for the bit about him not showing up to whatever.

(Pointless Counter: 20)

Without any other incidents the hunter made throught his class room, he began to think what lesson he would do today, while he planned to discuss about how to deal with edged weapon in general

Nora: Blade sharp! It hurt lots! Make red stuff come out! People no move without their red stuff! No make your red stuff come out! Make other person red stuff come out.

and plan to get in deeper exploring all kind of types of blade, that would mean going through the disadvantages and that would mean offending the parents who uses it as most of the parents are hunters. He buried his face onto his arms while being on his desk

Ert: No, you got that backwards. Everyone ELSE is supposed to be doing that considering how pathetic your class is.

‘Should I go over shields?

Ert: SHOW ME THE SHIELDS IN BLOODBORNE! Because there’s a grand total of one, the wood plank that isn’t worth shit!

Offensive maneuvers? Defensive maneuvers? Unarmed fighting? Studying movements? Team works? By the gods what do I possibly know about that? Guns? No! Every thing is a gun in this damned world Explosives? Weapon maintenance? what should I do?’

Nora: Looks like Ert was right on the money. Coming up with the lesson plan at the last second because good professor.

“Hello?” the hunter thought a voice was talking to his head ‘And now the lack of rest is getting onto me, by the gods this is like when I first started using the blood vials… I felt drunk for weeks, I need sleep and those atlas vodkas’ the hunter’s head rang in sharp pain

Ert: I could quit but I won’t. Because Raisins

“Mister fancy pirate?” the hunter turned then looked down to see a white haired child, she had twin pony tails with blue eyes along with a white dress bearing a symbol that he had seen before.. but where? The hunter strained a smile.

Ert: *Snort* Ok that was actually kind of funny, if only because it takes the piss out of Crow’s stupid outfit.

“Hello there little one where is your mother and father?” the hunter kneeled to meet the eye level of the child “They want to speak to you” Crow looked outside to see two couples with the same white hair as the child “I am sorry but tthe questioning is not until…” the hunter looked at the clock “Until fifty minutes” ‘And you are robbing of the little time I have to sleep oh! I can not say such things to a child’

Goeth: Coming up with a lesson plan and sleeping at the same time is totally doable! I REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE REASON!

“But fathers says he need to speak to you now” the hunter kept the forced smile ‘Is a few moment of peace not enough?’ the hunter snapped back to reality “Can you ask him if he can wait until the questioning please?” the child nodded then ran out of the classroom, the hunter grabbed a near by paper then began to write ideas for his lesson but soon laid his head on the table. He closed his eye to rest for a short moment.

Nora: You know, Goeth was joking Crow.

“Ahem” the hunter looked up to see a white haired man looking over to him without his child, the hunter quickly stood up, “Hello sir I am professor Crow and you are…” the hunter extended his arm the two shaked “Titanius Schnee”

Nora: HA! Ok, that’s funny, but what’s your real name? Oh. Oh Christ that is his real name. Weiss’ dad? Named Titanius? *Googles* That’s the name of a goddamn Power Ranger Zord! What, couldn’t name him Saba after Tommy’s talking sword?

“Ah hello mister Schnee might I say your daughter is very proficient with her rapier”

Nora: I can tell from that one time I saw her use it in a training exercise.

“Thank you” the hunter felt a cold presence from the white haired man, he wore a white suit with a cape that was white with blue accent, an awkward pause occured for the two “Is there something I can help you with sir?” “I want you to be daughters’ private tutor, I will pay triple the amount you are getting paid now”

Goeth: Uh, Mr. Schnee, three times zero is zero.

Ert: Yes, random jackass, I want you to tutor my daughter, as clearly she is in need of further refinement (apparently) and you are skilled with a rapier (as of now) and you will be a good teacher for my daughter (According to the author’s random whim for this scene)

“I would be glad to however there is no need for such quixotic payment…”

Goeth: Quixotic means unrealistic. I’m not sure what’s so unrealistic about a CEO of multi-billion dollar industry tripling someone’s salary. Especially when that salary is non-existent.

Nora: The poor thesaurus.

“You have to quit teaching in this school in order to teach my daughters” “Then I respectfully refuse sir” the hunter didn’t hesitate, after all the pay wasn’t that bad… even though he never used the money since he had the clothes he needed and food was free also as well as the other necessities.

Ert: Yeah, this teaching spot I took on a whim means too much for me to leave!

Nora: Also it just occurred to me that Crow isn’t trying to murder Ti-Ti here for no reason. See, this is why we don’t buy the split personality thing. He doesn’t shift back and forth, he just does whatever the author tells him to do.

“Do you know who I am?” “You are the CEO of a major dust company” “Yes and I’m giving you an offer you can’t possibly refuse” “Well sir I refuse, Beacon is my home”

Nora: Yes, this alien world that I don’t understand in the slightest is my home, which is why I am protecting it in such a half assed way.

“Do you realize that I am giving you an opportunity of a life time?” “I do sir” “You will regret this decision do you know that?”’

Ert: You know, the few details we got about Weiss’ father didn’t paint the best picture of him, but even that doesn’t do enough to justify how one dimensionally prickish he is here. In fact I’m gonna call it now. Ruby and Yang’s dad is going to be a stupid goofball who never does anything right and Ti-Ti is going to be a stuck up shop because writing three dimensional characters is RLY HRD!

“Sir I have many regrets in my life and this is will not be one of them, now I will ask you to leave I have much planning to do sir” the CEO left his classroom, the hunter looked at the clock now he had forty five minutes left, the hunter needed to clear his mind so he went out for a walk. Fresh air was all he needed.


The CEO walked to his wife who had a long dark hair with brown eyes with a formal black dress with gold accents, his daughter stood there also. “How did it go dear?” “Unexpectedly I was hoping him to take the money…” the father replied bitterly with disappointment. “Maybe he is Schnee material after all” the wife chuckled quietly

Ert: And that means what exactly? This story feels no need to make sure that the readers are in on anything.

The hall began to fill up with students and parents alike, but he couldn’t see any professors around the area, Gehrman ignored the idea and tried his best to avoid the parents,

Ert: MEHHHHH rewsponsibwility! It Scawy!

the hunter began to delve into his mind while walking,

Goeth *Pulls on mining helmet* I’m going in! *Shovels* Wow, it is really empty in here.

he really needed his sleep but walking out side would clear his mind for once, the hunter went to the courtyard where the statue lied “Gehrman?” the hunter turned “Professor Port good morning” “Please we’re both teachers No need for formality my good friend!”

Nora: My good friend that I have never talked to before!

“Thank you profes- I mean Peter “Pro- Peter how does the questioning go?” “It’s simple really they will ask you few questions and that would be it!, plain and simple!” the hunter sighed of relief

Ert: He really knows nothing about his job doesn’t he?

“Oh thank-” the hunter paused then grasped his head, a sharp pain ran through his head again “Gehrman? My man are you alright?” “Yes I am fine, now if you will excuse me” the hunter walked away to some place else “Gehrman?” “Yes Peter?” “Did you get any sleep last night?” “Yes why do you ask?” the hunter loathed his own hypocrisy

Ert: That’s not what hypocrisy is. Hypocrisy is when you state one belief then practice another. This is just plain old lying. Read a dictionary author. Preferable the Oxford English one. In its entirety.

“It just seems that you didn’t sleep for weeks”

Goeth: Yeah, he would collapse. If you deny your body sleep it will GET the sleep on its own.

“Peter I am just… slightly fatigued” The older teacher looked at the young huntsmen, his eyes were blood shot and the dark circle was darker than a grimm, it was an obvious lie. “Gehrman if you need help you can a-” the huntsmen was cut off rudely by the hunter of Yharnam “I do not need any help I can take care of it on my own” the hunter slipped an ounce of truth, the hunter turned and left, before he could his colleague called the hunter once more

Nora: Those few sentences sum up Crow in a nutshell. He’s rude, he’s self destructive, and he can “take care of it on his own” Right Crow because you’ve been making GREAT progress. How is the hunt for Alfred going? And the Bell Maiden? And the man who killed the Hunters? Oh right, you accomplished jack.  You killed a Vileblood that wasn’t important enough to get a name.

“So you do have something that’s troubling you” “I don’t have any” the hunter went on his way, he desperately needed something to ease his mind

Goeth: Yeah, there’s nothing to erase in here buddy. It is awfully spacious and kind of cozy though. Hm. If I put a table there I could put a couch over here and my spine removal machine in the corner.

The hunter of Yharnam strolled through the school, while on his way he saw Goodwitch talking to other parents, the hunter began to walk around the court yard once more trying his best to avoid any parents, he even used the old hunter’s bone to escape, the hunter began to make his way back to class now he had ten minutes left and all of them were wasted avoiding the parents

Ert: Why? Is he that terrified of having to do his job or is he worried that they’re all Vileblood assassin’s waiting for a chance to get him?

While he choose to stay in his classroom to sleep he found out that it wasn’t safe to be there as parents entered his classroom one of them being Nora’s father,before he could meet him he could tell, orange bushy beard with knots, large figure and his booming voice that he could hear outside his classroom, he remembers Nora’s sugar rush once… he seriously began to wonder how her partner can be so damned patient

Nora: Because, unlike you, I-shit, I mean Nora has charm!

The other reason he avoided the man was that if she got her sugar rush from her father (which it was from his guess) he should run since there were sweets for the parents and gods help him if he had a sugar rush, he probably now had to deal with a jittering Ruby and Nora, his days were getting even more dangerous than usual

Goeth: I don’t think the author knows what a sugar rush is. A sugar rush is something you get when you eat a lot of, well, sugar. People like this are just hyper. We need a list of things the author doesn’t understand. Traitor, hypocrisy and sugar rush. And quixotic.

(I do not think it means what you think it means: 4)

The hunter found himself on the roof top to see the full view of the academy, he slowly lied on the roof of the academy to rest, then the hunter realized he didn’t know how much time he had, he scrambled sloppily to get up “Woah son you’re not late for your class” the hunter turned to see a man sitting next to him, he had clothes similar to what Ruby would wear no exactly what she would wear if she was a boy, A black sport suit jacket with accents as well as pants, a clear glasses with black rims and neatly combed black hair with familiar golden eyes as Blake but it seemed more dull than illuminating than the huntress’s, under the jacket a black sweater underneath a white button shirt with a red tie. He wore a black gatsby cap.

Ert: I don’t really see how that’s what a gender bent Ruby would wear.

The two hunters sat in the roof watching the clouds drift, it may be boring for the others but as a hunter boring was a luxury he couldn’t afford. Silence ensued for the two as they watched the tranquil sky. “Are you a student?” “No sir I’m a teacher here” the man cupped his chin

Nora: HA! Oh that’s a good one. Wait, you are? Wow, this place has really lowered its standards.

“Well you do look older than a student, Niro Belladonna” the father extended his arm “Gehrman Crow sir, a pleasure of meeting you” the two shook hands briefly “So you’re Gehrman, I heard about you from my daughter” “Is your daughter Blake Belladonna?” “Yes and I heard that you are close with her team”

Nora: Yes sir! I push them away at every opportunity and make sure they don’t know the first thing about me. Thick as thieves!

“Yes she is a outstanding student and a huntress along with her team, however I do wish she is more expressive of her feelings.” “What do you mean?” the fanus’s ear moved under the hat. “She only opens up to those she is closed with especially her fanus heritage, however that is understandable”

Ert: Crow is honestly talking about people should be more open. I really hope Alfred gives him another go on the portable hobbling wheel.

“How did you know?” the fanus asked suspiciously “Her bow moves slightly at times”

Nora: Yeah *Whispers loudly* she’s not very good at hiding it.. The fandom’s reaction to her revealing it was “Quick everyone, pretend to be surprised”.

“It looks like you observe her everyday it’s almost like you have certain feelings for her” the father joked sadly the hunter didn’t notice the obvious joke

Ert: ENOUGH! Crow is as sexually appealing as a pile of manure with a dead cat lying on top. To any aspiring author who reads this. Constantly going on about how great your character is does not qualify as telling a story. Stories are about more than how awesome someone is.

“She is my student after all. I treat them like they are my own children” “Aren’t you a little young to have children?” “I am but that does not change my feelings, this was a pleasant talk sir but I must be going” the older man was impressed by his mature personality.

Goeth: Oh, so they’re children to him in the same why my experiments are children!

Nora: You neglect them and don’t really love them?

Goeth: Ok, nothing at all like my experiments then.

“Same here Gehrman” the hunter stood up from the roof then began to descend from the roof, making his way to his classroom. He looked down to see his wife and son looking for him.

Ert: *Spit take* WHAT!? Either Crow is FREAKING MARRIED or Blake has a brother out of nowhere. Either way, YOU NEED TO ESTABLISH SHIT!  It was established in show that Weiss had a sister (Granted I thought she would be an older one but there was no real confirmation one way or another) but this is just completely out of left field!

Cowboy Bebop OST Piano Bar I Gehrman walked in the halls once more with an agonizing headache it felt like small needles were piercing every inch of his body and his body felt heavier than lead now. Not paying attention while walking the hunter turned to a corner not seeing someone else was walking the other direction

Goeth: When you get down to it, he’s spent half of the chapter staggering around so he could be introduced to everyone’s parents. Because that’ll somehow take care of his headache.

*bump* The hunter collided into someone, he quickly regained his balance there he saw another parent, this time it was someone he couldn’t tell who the parent was She had a short brown hair with pony tail that rested on her right shoulder and it had a bright orange highlight at the end of the pony tail, a familiar looking sun glasses, a thin black scarf with a small dark red rose on its side, a brown sweater, a bandolier, dark brown belt with an iron circle in the center, bullets surrounded the belt, a black jean with combat boots one of them had a gold out lines. She was obviously in her early twenties mid twenties at most, she had an older seductive look that no other students have, he would be lying if she didn’t looked attractive, he couldn’t tell her eyes until she took off her sunglasses revealing a sharp hazel eyes

Ert: And here in the field we can see bad writing trait #91. While most of the story has lackluster descriptions, there will be random paragraphs that are bloated with descriptions, making the story feel disjointed and inconsistent,

“I apologize ma’am I must have been foolish to not to look my way…” the hunter extended his arm to the unfamiliar looking women, she grasp the hunter’s hand then pulled up rather close to the hunter, he could smell an alluring aroma coming from the women. A scent of an elegant perfumed mixed in with her natural scent.

Nora: Her natural scent of BO?

“Name’s Camilla Adel what’s your name?” the hunter couldn’t help but be melted by the seductive tone, his face began to flare up

Ert: The fucking fuck. No, that’s not a question, that’s a statement. The fucking fuck.

Nora: *Draws pistol* We are aware that Crow appears like a fifteen year old to everyone else right?

“Gehrman Crow…” she had her hands on the hunter’s shoulder “Oh so you’re the teacher I’ve been hearing about you look older that I thought” “It seems that I have been hearing that quite often today… will you release me ma’am?”

Ert: Oh, so when Yang’s dad moves his hand you try to murder him, but this woman puts you in a lock and you ask nicely if she can let you go.  Of course.  Because Crow’s personality is whatever the fuck the author wants it to be at the spur of the moment.

“First of all don’t call me ma’am I’m not that old enough to be called one second call me Camie my little bird”

Nora: *Cocks gun* As far as you know he’s a minor. I’m warning you.

“Please let me go” “Ah ah ah~” she waved her index finger “Not until you call me Camie first”

Nora: Don’t push me.

“It is rude to call one’s parent by their first name” “What?” “You are Coco Adel’s mother yes?” “I’m her sister” the huntress gripped on the Crow’s shoulder tightly enough to break it, yet the teacher stood there oblivious to his situation.

Goeth: Ah yes, another example of Crow being so badass that he ignores pain. Despite the fact that it adds nothing of value to the story and doesn’t even really make much sense. Due to there not being a “feel no pain” stat in Bloodborne.

Camilla wondered if he was even human to not react to it. It didn’t matter how can someone can mistake her for a mother? Her? The one who was on every cover of Huntress Weekly? The badass gunner? “I apologize at my mistake. miss Adel I must be at my class will you let me go?” the steel grip loosened “Yeah sure it’s not like I’m not mad at you anything” she smiled threateningly

Nora: Oh, you want a threatening smile? I’ll make sure you get a threatening smile from me when I read you your Miranda Rights you fucking pedophile!

“Thank you, have a good day miss Adel” he walked out of the hall and began to head for his class, after the hunter left she punched a hole in the wall,

Nora: That does it. GOETH! You got a taser?

Goeth: *Pokes head out of Crow’s brain* You want Mr. Sparky or Sir Zap Zap?

Nora: What’s the difference?

Goeth: Sparky is doubled ended staff, while Zap Zap is a pistol that shoots darts that give the stun-gun treatment.

Nora: Zap Zap *Catches Zap Zap* Be right back, I’ve got a sex offender to arrest.

Ert: Well with Nora doing her job and Goeth redecorating, I think we should stop here..

the younger sister retreated to her dorm instead of meeting her sister to introduce her new boyfriend “What happened Coco?” she grabbed the dark skinned huntsmen then lead him back to his dorm in a hurried yet stealthy manner. “Fox.. come with me if you want to live””

Ert: And Coco gets boyfriend out of nowhere for the sake of a really weak punchline. Figures.

Goeth: Ert! Can you help me move a surgery table with shackles?

Ert: Might as well, so long as there’s a stocked mini-fridge involved.


55 Comments on “1106: The Final Hunt – Chapter 10 Part 1”

  1. SC says:

    Don’t know if this was posted two hours early because I goofed or because Eet forgot to set the timer, but in any event, early riff today!

    Also, the part about “Durarara (Sought after the extraordinary)”? Durarara is an anime, so it’s an OST. Namely:

    That bit was nagging at me like CRAZY because I knew the answer but didn’t know if I was able to say it yet. XD

  2. parrish122 says:

    You know, it’s amazing how often I’ll read a riff and think that the lead character has to be the most unlikable jackass ever. First it was Stupard, then Buster, now this guy. And the authors actually think that we’re going to be rooting for these guys? It blows my mind.

  3. Ander: Can answer my question Smith?

    Smith: What is it?

    Ander: Why does EVRYONE make the Vilebloods “evil” in there story.

    Smith: I don’t know Ander, I don’t know, maybe it’s because people can’t see moree than a feet in front of them so they pick the first thing they see that looks remotely villainous. In actuality the Church is FAR worse than anything the Vilebloods have ever done, and people still keep twisting facts in the lore just so they can have some baddies, and even if they aren’t the designated baddies most authors find in themselves to potray them as disgusting people with no class what-so-ever.

    There is though one bit of consolation I can give you.

    Ander: What’s that?

    Smith: The Author is an idiot.

    Ander: That makes me sad.

    Smith: It makes me sad too.

    *While Raining heavily Smith stands outside soaked to the bone. He looks to the sky his face a picture utter despair, his eyes though are covered by his sweet, sweet shades. He raises his fist to sky and shakes it, tears flowing down his cheeks.*


    *Smith falls to his knees in a fit of hysterical sobs.*


  4. OOC agig says:

    I’ve been inspired by the arbitrary Grimm types to make a classification system for Sue’s.

  5. SuperFeatherYoshi says:

    “I apologize ma’am I must have been foolish to not to look my way…” the hunter extended his arm to the unfamiliar looking women

    “And the woman quickly grabbed his then began to twist his arm, accusing him of being an assasin.”

  6. SuperFeatherYoshi says:

    “Yeah sure it’s not like I’m not mad at you anything”

    Oh dear GOD that double negative! It burns!

  7. TacoMagic says:

    the hunter hated the fact that the headmaster faced worse situation than him.

    And that, right there, sums up the whole premise of the fic.

  8. TacoMagic says:

    There he took out a tattered journal a traces of blood splatter could be seen.

    *Twitch twitch*

    No, it can’t be fucking seen because you haven’t showed it to us!

  9. TacoMagic says:

    the huntress smirked she rest her hands on her hip “Gehrman I think I know how my dad looks like”

    Unfetter the gongs of war! Let them feast upon the entrails of the smirking masses! Overrun their smug faces with-

    *Swenia beans Taco with a roll of bolt tape, laying him out.*

    “You know, that’s actually a lot easier than taping him down.”

  10. TacoMagic says:

    while he was running he heard a painful cry, typing the scream out would be barely able to describe his pain.

    Winning at prose.

  11. TacoMagic says:

    she had twin pony tails with blue eyes

    ARRRGGHH! Eyes in her hair! Kill it with fire!

  12. TacoMagic says:

    “I would be glad to however there is no need for such quixotic payment…”

    Goeth: Quixotic means unrealistic. I’m not sure what’s so unrealistic about a CEO of multi-billion dollar industry tripling someone’s salary. Especially when that salary is non-existent.

    I think it’s unrealistic that anyone would pay Crow that much given his track record.

  13. TacoMagic says:

    “It just seems that you didn’t sleep for weeks”

    Goeth: Yeah, he would collapse. If you deny your body sleep it will GET the sleep on its own

    Fun fact, if you go long enough without sleep, you die from multiple-organ failure. Recent studies in rats show that extreme sleep deprivation begins to affect the body's ability to produce certain proteins and hormones. In addition, proteins related to stress responses are upregulated causing additional wear and tear on the body.

    Essentially, you slowly go crazy while the body stresses to breaking point.

    In rats, total sleep deprivation usually led to fatality within 2 weeks. In humans it takes a lot longer because complete sleep deprivation is exceedingly rare and not well studied (because as Goeth says, your body WILL shut down and go to sleep in most cases), but in cases of fatal familial insomnia (a rare disease where you stop being able to sleep), death typically occurs between 6 and 12 months after onset.

  14. TacoMagic says:

    A scent of an elegant perfumed mixed in with her natural scent.

    Ya’ got this nice womanly flower-stank about’cha. It’s purdy smellin’, like a wet foot cover’d ‘n roses.

  15. "Lyle" says:

    The moon scented hunter handed to the huntsmen

    I was unaware that the moon had a smell. What would it be? The smell of dust? The smell of Neil Armstrong’s feet? Does it smell like napalm in the morning?

    • erttheking says:

      To be fair, this was something that was in Bloodborne.

      • "Lyle" says:

        Does the game explain what the hell the moon smells like?

        • erttheking says:

          Know it just says something along the lines of “Moon scented hunter” because the moon had a heavy presence in the story and connection to the Old Ones and the Hunter being “moon scented” implies connection to the Old Ones. I think it’s supposed to be one of those things we’re not supposed to understand, there’s a lot of that in cosmic horror.

          Of course this story completely fucks it up.

  16. Delta XIII says:

    Goeth: Also please point out on the chart where Jesus was mentioned in that journal. Because I can’t seem to find it…boy those temporal rifts are out of control today.

    Eh, the Agency’ll take care of those rifts. Them and their damned robots.

    Stupid Agency downsizing.
    “We’re just trying to save money, Delta.” “Robots are cheaper to maintain, Delta.” “We can trust them not to get drunk and destroy two universes, Delta.” “No, Delta, we do not have a dental plan. I don’t care if you need your wisdom teeth removed, you’ll have to pay for it yourself.”

  17. Delta XIII says:

    Nora: Oh, you want a threatening smile? I’ll make sure you get a threatening smile from me when I read you your Miranda Rights you fucking pedophile!

    I suggest doing it RoboCop style. That’s always fun to watch.

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