1099: The Final Hunt – Chapter 8 Part 2 & Chapter 9

Title: The Final Hunt
Author: Uhjinhyuk55
Media: Video Game/Anime
Topic: Bloodborne/RWBY
Genre: Drama/Adventure
URL: Chapter 8 & Chapter 9
Critiqued by Erttheking

Cornelia: So catch me up, where are we?

Ert: Hold on a second, trying to write something.

Nora: You wrote 1,000 words for your main story in the last month.

Ert: I KNOW! Either I get writer’s block or I just don’t get around to it because of laziness. I’m not proud of it. It’s kind of glad why I have a deadline for rifts, otherwise they’d never get done.

Cornelia: Anyway…

Ert: Right right. Crow became a teacher because apparently the author got bored with him being a student and didn’t care if baggage came over from the student sub-plot in the form of Crow being de-aged. That was already stupid as all Hell and only existed so that Crow could be a student at Beacon, and now that he isn’t a student anymore, it officially was completely pointless in addition to being stupid. Crow also continued to refuse to let anyone know anything about him because the author thinks that makes for an engaging character (It doesn’t) and he had a heart to heart with Yang that felt hollow and forced. Let’s finish off chapter eight then move onto chapter nine.

Ozpin’s Office

“Professor Ozpin?” Ozpin sat in his chair, he was watching some kind of live footage

“What is it Professor Goodwitch?”

“Do you think it was wise to give him permission to be in the forest alone?”

Nora: Uh, transitions. Establishing things. The scene before this was Yang and Crow having a heartwarming moment that wasn’t really that heartwarming. How did Crow get into the forest and why is he on his own. Story telling, at its most basic, is showing how a character gets from point A to point B, whether the points are locations, emotional states, economic states, and so on and so forth. If you can’t even show how a person gets from one location to another, you’re missing the basic fundamentals of story telling.

“You saw his ability when he faced me, he can handle himself”

“But that was a match the forest is unpredictable despite-”

“Glynda, you trust me right?” Ozpin dropped his formal tone

“I do Ozpin and I know he can handle himself but the forest is far too unpredictable even with his skills” Ozpin sipped on to his coffee mug

“It should be the grimms you should worry about Glynda…” Ozpin gestured at to see the screen,

Ert: I really would love to know what cock and bull story Crow is feeding everyone to explain why he’s going into the forest. As we established last time, he seems to have a massive phobia of telling the truth to people, as well as letting people know anything about him. So whatever his reason for going into the forest was (Alfred…maybe? Honestly I’m in the dark here too. The story said Alfred would only show up at night…for some fucking reason)

The hunter slaughtered the SS class grimms with ease as if it was a mere beowol

Cornelia: No, you cannot do that. You cannot stop dropping ranks for a ranking system you introduced JUST NOW! Either have it be a consistent part of the story, or have someone establish what this ranking system is and how it works. And “SS class” doesn’t sound like something that should be associated with “a mere X”. So not only is this ranking system vague, I can already tell it doesn’t work.

they saw something that they would never see,

Nora:…So do they see it or not?

a grimm running away and yielding to the hunter as if the hunter was abeastamong them, sadly the hunter destroyed anything that was within his path mercilessly and without hesitation, they couldn’t help themselves to wonder how they would fare if the hunter fought with full strength, now the hunter had just finished obilerating two S-class grimms by himself

Ert: First of all, how do the fairly primal Grimm know that he’s holding back? Second of all, what the Hell is Crow accomplishing by doing this? Third, I don’t know what the difference between a S and a SS Grimm is, so labeling them as such does nothing to help me set them apart. For fuck’s sake, I can come up with a ranking system and explain how it works, it’s not hard. Look!

E Rank Grimm: Deadly to civilians, but even an untrained hunter should be able to dispatch one with ease. Small, scrawny and never alone due to their weak nature. They make up for their lack of strength by using their numbers of overwhelm prey. The Omega of Grimm packs.

D Rank Grimm: Dangerous enough to pose a thread to an untrained hunter, but experienced ones can eliminate entire groups of them with ease. While not as low as E rank Grimm in the pack, they rarely hold positions of dominance, though it is not unheard of. While these Grimm have been known to hunt on their own, they don’t stray far from the pack and stick to groups when a prey proves to be stubborn. Though they like to take prey by themselves when they can to establish their strength.

C Rank Grimm: Much tougher, commonly upper ranking members of pack, usually the Beta. An experienced hunter may be able to hold their own in a one on one battle, but fighting two at the same time has a low chance of success. There tend to be at least three C class Grimm to a pack. They only hunt with other C Rank Grimm when their prey has proven to be a threat to the entire back, otherwise they hunt with a small group of D rank Grimm

B: Rank Grimm: Alphas of Grimm packs. There is only ever one B Rank Grimm per pack, as two B Rank Grimm will fight for dominance of a pack when they are close. It is common for the Alphas of two packs who cross to fight, and for the pack of the loser to be assimilated by the pack of the winner. The exception is with E rank Grimm, which are commonly killed. Only the most skilled of Hunters have been able to defeat a B Rank Grimm single handily, for all other instances, at least one teammate is required.

A Rank Grimm: These Grimm do not follow the same pack mentality as lower ranking Grimm, tending to live on their own. They tend to be much more powerful, capable of fighting an entire pack of lesser Grimm on equal terms. Such Grimm require the coordinated efforts of an entire team to bring down.

S Rank Grimm: There have been very few sightings of S rank Grimm, but the reports that do exist suggest S Rank Grimm are Grimm that have existed for hundreds of years. These Grimm have adapted to the tactics and technology used by hunters, and keep their distance from cities. Despite this, they never wander too far from civilization, constantly watching from a distance for reasons unknown. Nearly all attempts to combat S Rank Grimm have ended in disaster, with entire teams being lost during a fight with one, only the very best of the best being able to bring one down. Avoid at all cost.

He kept on watching as the hunter began to hunt down the grimms again, the two noticed the hunter’s aura healing him without him noticing, a swarm of black and red aura began to wrap him, it was a sinister color one similar to the grimms Ozpin pondered at the color of his aura

“Just what are you hiding?” Ozpin spoke while watching the video with a dangerous curiosity

Nora: I don’t know, we’ve been screaming that into his ear via a megaphone and we haven’t gotten an answer. And that’s not good writing, mysteries need to be engaging, things need to be hidden for a reason, not just for the sake of padding.

Crow’s Dorm (Night)

Cronelia: So not only can the author not establish location without a tag, he can’t establish the time. How hard is it to type “Night had fallen and Crow found himself back in his room.” TRY!

After a light training the hunter began to put on his crow armor as well as his mask and his weapons, this time he brought more than one weapons, he had Evelyn (Crow’s favorite pistol), blade of mercy, and the Kirk hammer to even the odd with the Logarius Wheel

Ert: Uh. How. How does a warhammer even the odds against Albert? Last time I checked the reason you lost wasn’t because of your weapon. It was because the author refuses to let the RWBY characters do anything of significance. And let me remind you, the author started this chapter with a quote about the value of teamwork.

The hunter double checked his weapons and armors he walked out of the room he made sure that he would go out when everyone was a sleep, the hunter exited his dorm at the same time he saw Ruby exiting at the same time but she had her sleep wear

Ert: And despite that quote, here he is trying to sneak off on his own. Because he wants to be badass and the cool loner so much it hurts.

He began to feel an unfamiliar pain within his heart the same when he faced Yang

Nora: This was just introduced now wasn’t it?

“Ruby? why are you awake at this time?”

“I couldn’t sleep you?” she looked at the hunter’s attire, he took off his mask

Cornelia: You couldn’t sleep him? Christ author, PUNCTUATION MATTERS! Overdoing it on commas is a problem in bad fanfiction, but a complete lack of them is just as bad.

“A mere walk in the nights”

Ert: Stop saying mere, I feel like I’m in a Monty Python sketch. Without the good humor.

“With all the weapons?” the hunter sighed at the girl’s surprising perception, then he blamed himself for looking so obvious, the hunter was quiet

“I can help!” she spoke with enthusiasm and hope

“No you will just be a mere hindrance”

“I can handle my self!”

“That does not matter”

“But I-”

“Enough Ruby” the hunter spoke sharply,

Nora: Didn’t we have this scene five times already? Character says they want to help, Crow refuses because the author thinks making Bloodborne superior to RWBY is a good idea, they go back and forth a few times and eventually Crow leaves and nothing has changed.

the foreign pain within his heart grew again, the red huntress looked down with her hands
together almost looking sorry as if it was her fault,

Cornelia: Ugh. Crow really is an unlikable character. All the people around him just want to help and he keeps shunning them. Because twajeck.

the hunter didn’t speak, he simply turned back and began walking away leaving huntress alone in the empty hallway, as he walked he wore his mask to hide his face, as he went he softly whispered so she couldn’t hear it

“I’m sorry”

Ert: No you’re not.

Vale (unknown)

The hunter was surrounded by thick fog again, there the familiar carriage arrived and the familiar executioner, the hunter didn’t waste any time, he drew his pistol

Nora: So is the time unknown or is the place in Vale unknown? Either way, fuck off. And why has Alfred been taking so long to finish the job? This is something particularly frustrating about bad writing, characters having no life outside of their role in the plot. Alfred’s motivations? What he’s doing? Who cares. He just exists as someone for Crow to fight.

The first two shot went for the horses so the executioner would be trapped with him, then he fired three more at the executioner’s chest, he knew that wasn’t enough as the executioner blocked the shots with his wheel then lunged toward the hunter, the holy hammer collided with the wheel,

Cornelia: Oh, so drawing your attention by using your gun isn’t a problem anymore? Be consistent Crow, please.

“Rather hypocritical of you using a holy weapon hunter” the executioner taunted Crow ignored it, the hunter stepped back then he waited for the executioner to charge at the hunter again, the hunter grasp on the handle into the sword form, he swing the hammer with one hand to hurl the hammer toward the executioner, it collided the executioner’s wheel when he used it as a shield, the wheel and the hammer added to the weight, the executioner stumbled due to the weight of the weapons

Ert: Seriously, did this author have a tragic experience with pronouns? He uses them at about half of the rate that a normal writer would, shoving nouns in to bloat the sentences into giant messes. Most notably with the word HUNTER!

The hunter saw the opening with the sword in his hand he ran straight toward executioner then kicked him to the ground, the priest saw the crow with his sword and his gun aiming toward him he stopped struggling with the hammer, the fight ended quickly with Crow being the winner in his opinion he considered Alfred the weakest out of all the hunters he met

Nora: He saw the opening with the sword in his hand…why does he have an eyeball there. Also an anti-climatic fight and Crow insisting that the guy who pulverized him the first time they met is weak. Again,

(Gary-Stu Counter: 18)

(Goldfish Counter: 10)

‘Stones are heavier than wood you damned priest’

Cornelia:…Huh? Ok we looked it up and if that’s a Victorian saying, we couldn’t find it. If it’s a play on “Sticks and stones may break my bones”…no that makes no sense. Author, write witty dialogue, not an unidentifiable mess.

“Tell me everything you know” the sword began to dig deep into the executioner’s armor slowly

“The only thing I know is that damn queen wants you for some damned reason!”

Ert: Want? I thought that Alfred wanted to kill him for being a Vileblood despite had allied with Queen of Vilebloods, but before he insisted that he was leading them, but now he works for the Queen? See what I mean about Alfred not really having a character? The diluted and stereotyped personality he had for this story has already gone off the rails, so the author can’t even keep his own shit internal logic straight.

“What about the bell maiden? How did you get here without it?” the hunter pulled the hammer of Evelyn ensuing a distinct click

“She uses her arcane before I leave from Yharnam “the hunter didn’t realized the fog began to die out

Nora: In other words-

Nora: If the Queen of Vilebloods can perform inter-dimensional travel, then that needs a little bit more of an explanation that “magic”

“How can I find her?” the hunter’s blade made contact with the executioner’s skin

“I-I don’t know I swear to gods!” he asked his final question

“Why… why would you work for the Cainhurst?”

“I do now work for them! They promised me potential power among the church if I helped them” the hunter gritted his teeth under his mask

Cornelia: So Alfred, someone who dedicated his entire life to being an Executioner, who wanted to die a Martyr like his idol, to the point where he committed suicide after completing his mission, has been turned into someone who betrayed what his entire order stood for…because he wanted power. Something he never showed the slightest interest in.

“So… it was all for power?”

“An outsider like you would never understand”

“Ypu truly gone mad you traitor”

Ert: Fuck you author. I know you think Crow getting self righteous is cool, but when you need to tear apart other characters and take a great big shit on what’s left, all I can think of is how you’re willing tear down everything that made Bloodborne and RWBY great, turning both of them into laughing stocks, just so your one-dimensional OC can look cool. If the only way you can do that is to make everyone else in the universe look bad it really shows how little faith you have in him. And yourself as a writer.

the hunter withdrew his blade slowly pretending to sparing the executioner, then in one fluid motion he stabbed the downed Executioner into his heart through the armor, the hunter gritted his teeth and held his sword tighter, the executioner gurgled his last words

“Can’t… run… forever” the hunter kept silent he plunged his blade deeper into his chest, a mad laugh accompanied his slow death, the executioner didn’t fight back the maddening laugh

‘He is no longer the man I know He is no longer the man I know He is no longer the man I know He is no longer the man I know’

Nora: He was never the man you know, because whoever this shapeshifter is, he sure as fuck isn’t Alfred the Executioner. Alfred was shot and buried in a shallow grave, along with any sense of subtly Bloodborne had. And the relevance RWBY has in this plot.

The laugh began to die down and soon silence fell, the hunter pulled his blade out its tip dripping with tainted blood, he raised his sword again in one fluid motion he decapitate the executioner’s head, the hunter removed the blood from the sword then placed it back to the hammer, the corpse began to turn into ashes slowly, as he noticed that the fog has cleared he noticed that he was in an abandoned dock

Cornelia: I guess he didn’t do that in the first place because he wanted Alfred to die a slow and painful death. Christ, every scene manages to make this guy even more unlikable. The author is doing this on purpose right? Oh no wait, we’re supposed to like Crow and feel sorry for him. I’d like to go up to the author and ask him “Give me one reason I should feel sad if Crow dropped dead.”

“Gehrman?” a soft shaken voice called to the hunter, he turned to see a familiar person, her pale skin glowed within the moonlight, his eye widened in fear, a small girl with a black and red dress with a red hood stood in front of him, the hunter didn’t speak

“Gehrman that’s you right?” the hunter hesitated to take his mask off, the last thing he wanted to do was to expose her the remnant of Yharnam… no, it was to protect her innocence, gods damn him if he taint something pure as her, that included the students he met, no one should be exposed to such atrocity

Ert: The volume two finale for RWBY involved team RWBY fighting terrorists who blew open a massive hole in the wall surrounding Vale, letting hundreds upon hundreds of Grimm in. Ruby has been in countless life and death situations, and she was chosen as team leader for a reason. I’d appreciate it if you stopped treating her like she’s five.

“Ruby… when did you get here?” the huntress was silent her eyes on the corpse then darted to the hunter, he looked sinister after she witnessed murdering someone despite being someone that hurt him first, she didn’t care if he was a bad guy but her mother once told her there was always a way to saved people without using violence as that should be used as last resort

Nora: Ruby has NEVER tried to negotiate on the multiple occasions where she ended up fighting human enemies. The story is just making shit up on the spot.

“Ruby answer me” the huntsmen began to walk up to the huntress slowly but he soon stopped when he noticed when she visibly flinched, she reminded of something weak and fragile, a prey

Cornelia: I would like to ask Crow about all the weak and fragile things he killed in the nightmare world of Yharnam. You can work the beast duality to death, but it’s all for naught if it means nothing.

the hunter shook his head to get rid of the thought as he blamed his tainted blood for it,

Nora: Actually I think you’re just an awful person. The tainted blood is rarely, if ever, brought up, and it feels like a convenient excuse as for why we should still like Crow after he has a serial killer moment.

for now it was easy for him to shake away the thought as the fight didn’t last long, this was last of his worry, she watched the corpse slowly dissolving into the thin air,

“Why?” she softly whispered but not enough for the huntsmen to hear then she spoke up loud enough at least that is what the huntress thought

“Why did you kill him?”

“There was no other way he had to be killed” the hunter replied coldly

Ert: I tried to talk him down and lost my temper really quickly. Clearly I exhausted all possible options before going to the last resort.

“There’s always a way!”

“Ruby you must leave now it is dangerous here”

Cornelia: There could be vagueness over there in the corner.

“No I’m not leaving until you tell me”

“Tell you what?”

“Everything!”

Nora: Well this is eight chapters late, but I’ll take it.

The hunter noticed that the body began to reduce to dust, the horses and carriage was gone as well, only thing that remained at the abandoned dock was the hunter and the huntress, the hunter didn’t know what to do he had say something! No he shouldn’t he wouldn’t let someone like her suffer,

Cornelia: Saying “Where did the carriage go” would cause her to suffer? You know author, you don’t have to slam down on Crow’s angst button every three seconds. Especially if you can’t come up with a good reason for him to be bitching and moaning and you CLEARLY can’t.

Gehrman began to think of countless ways to reply and all ended up hurting the child and he didn’t want that

Ert: Yeah. Child. Here’s the thing. Ruby ACTS like a child sometimes, but she is NOT a child. She is a warrior. This is why this story is dead on arrival. It refuses to give story elements the respect they deserve. It doesn’t respect Alfred as an Executioner, it doesn’t respect Ruby as a warrior, it doesn’t show any respect for ANYONE, just twisting them into shallow little imitations of their former selves so Crow can play with them like puppets.

In the admist of thinking the huntress walked up to the hunter he noticed that the huntress began to approach him step by step, when she was closed she first tip toed to take the hunter’s dirty mask off, letting his raven hair flow,

Nora: Approaching him step by step. As opposed to when you approach someone and alternate between walking on your feet and hands.

“You promised…” her silver eyes entranced the hunter but he broke out of it quickly

“How about a new promise Ruby?”

“Huh?”

“I will tell you when the time is right”

Ert: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! “Hey, you promised to tell me what’s going on!” “Meh, changed my mind.” Also when the time is right, translation, MORE PADDING! Just get to the fucking point already! Crow is stalling in telling people about himself purely so that the author can keep milking it.

she looked up to the hunter, his pale skin brightened from the moonlight as did hers

“Do you promise?”

Nora: Ruby…he just proved that his promises mean NOTHING!

“I promise” the hunter lifted the huntress’s hand gently then made the same form of promise she did with her in the morning, the two smiled and didn’t realize that the body was now gone as well as the carriage, Gehrman failed to see that a certain royalty was looking at them from a far away place

“Soon moon scented hunter… your blood will soon be mine”

Cornelia: Ah, and the Queen of the Vilebloods is watching them and talking to herself like she’s a goddamn Saturday morning cartoon villain. And Crow has her attention.  Because he’s the center of the universe.

(Gary Stu Counter: 19)

Cornelia: Now why is the Queen here? Like with Alfred, it’s so Crow can have someone to fight.

Ruby finally noticed that the body and the carriage was gone, this was now one of the question she had on her list

“How did they disappear?”

“I will tell you when the time is right” the hunter looked up to see the sun was slowly rising

Ert: JG{OGINSRGPIHSPIHNSORHJPBEGW_)JRH! This little prick is INSUFFERABLE! It’s almost like he’s afraid if he tells a secret a bit of his soul with be shredded away. Why can he not tell her anything? ANYTHING! I want an explanation! And a good one, not a half assed “When the time is right” bullcrap.

“Come, it is almost morning your friends and you sister will be looking for you if you were not at your dorm”

The two hunters walked side by side, his mask was now hanging from his hips, Ruby watched the hunter’s hammer, she had many questions but she trusted Gehrman to tell her in time,

Nora: You trust him for no reason because he already broke your…*Sigh* pinkie promise (What the fuck did this story do to Ruby?) but the author is still denying that Crow is a douche guzzler.

he noticed Ruby’s eyeing on his hammer the whole time while they were walking in the streets of Vale

“Would you like to see my weapons if you have the time?”

“Really?!” the hunter smiled at her enthusiasm

Ert: Not like she should’ve seen them in your half assed class. After all that’d require your class to be competent.

“Yes I noticed that you were looking at the weapons at class, hungrily I might add” the huntress blushed a growl from her stomach made her face turn into the same color as her hood

“Let us hurry we do not want to miss breakfast now do we?”

“Alright I’ll call a bullhead to pick us up” the hunter shuddered at thought of riding the metal beast

Cornelia: After all of that we’re really throwing awkward comedy back in? And I thought Crow was trying to keep this a secret like what he’s really up to and what his favorite juice is. A VTOL is kinda gonna draw attention.

“What’s wrong?”

“It is nothing Ruby” the hunter made a reassuring smile

“Hey Gehrman?” she asked a question that would be able to be answered by the hunter

“Yes Ruby?”

“Why do you speak so funny?” she waited for the answer his pause made the tension higher, this was a question that he couldn’t escape from

.
.

“I will tell you when the time comes”

Ert: *Sakes wrist* Crow is pretentious. So many questions that are asked to him have simple answers, and he refuses to give them because it makes him look and sound cooler and more mysterious than he actually is. He is willing to risk physical harm, avoiding possibly attracting attention while fighting, in order to make himself more special. He does nothing to inform people about the approaching horrors of Yharnam, so he can take all of them on by himself. Fuck. Him. And with that, we’re on chapter nine

Chapter 9: Calm before the storm

Lies, one thing the hunter can’t stand it’s lying yet why does he do it?,

Cornelia: He can’t stand the one thing he constantly keeps doing? I call bullshit.

was it to protect others? Well it is isn’t it? Or was it to blame it on for the blood on his hands? One thing was clear, he would be damned by the gods to let anyone witness the atrocity of Yharnam, especially the four huntress that rescued him

Nora: Then they could actually do something about it! And then I wouldn’t be able to talk about how tragic I am!

Ert: Ok, let me go into depth as to why this story doesn’t work. It could be understandable if Crow didn’t want people to know about Yharnam. Yharnam was inspired by the works of H.P Lovecraft, it’s a Cosmic Horror Story. The idea behind Cosmic Horror is that there is something out there so powerful and incomprehensible that we would go mad if we looked upon it. That we are, in reality, small and insignificant, and that our ignorance is the only reason we haven’t been lost to despair. I could actually see Crow not wanting to tell people about Yharnam to let them stay in blissful ignorance.

Ert: HOWEVER that’s not what this story is doing at all. The cosmic horror elements of Bloodborne haven’t been brought up in the slightest, and the reason he refuses to tell anyone about Yharnam is because it’s harsh and he doesn’t want to “corrupt” the others, ignoring that RWBY isn’t exactly sunshine and rainbows with the main antagonists being a TERRORIST GROUP! In short, he only refuses to tell them because he doesn’t respect their intelligence and because of a generic tragic backstory that defangs the otherworldly horror of nightmare into bland “it was tough man” garbage.

Weeks have passed, teach classes in the day hunt at night rinse and repeat, but with no results, the hunter was human and needed his sleep, somewhere deep down he knew he couldn’t keep ihis secret away from them, he had- he will take care of the problem, he didn’t want to reveal his secret despite the promise he gave it to the silver eyed huntress, he didn’t care the fact that he didn’t sleep for days

Cornelia: Didn’t sleep for days? Ok, here’s an idea. QUIT! The teacher sub-plot was really introduced on a whim, he has no real attachment to it, and he’s got bigger fish to fry. But no, he juggles this with hunting (Whatever that means, I guess he runs around randomly at night) to the point where he goes days without sleep. I honestly think this guy would choose death over asking for help. I actually think he has a self-destructive personality.

“Professor?” the hunter ignore the voice, immersed with his thoughts

Yes, he can take care of the problem and no one could get hurt, he just needs to get rid of the bell maiden first, but where? where is the damned thing? He will find it, he must, where ever it was he would hunt it down and end it once and for all, no one would stand in his way

Nora: You know, you would get better results than one person searching an entire city if you ASKED FOR HELP!

“Professor Crow?”

He will find the maiden and kill her, but how can he find her? How can he kill her? What if there are other hunters protecting her? Or worse will there be more traitors among the Cainhurst like Alfred but within his own oath?, but how? Yes, how the word he used so many times but with no answers, How can he save them? How can he repent? How can he face them? How is he going to tell the truth? how? how? how? how? HOW?

Ert: You assume I care. The only thing this guy has for a personality is the fact that he seems to go out of his way to find things to brood over. I don’t feel sorry for him, because I feel like he’s doing this on purpose.

*sound of glass shattering*

Cornelia: Oh for God’s sake. How long until he just starts describing entire scenes that way. *Fight scene* I’m gonna call this what it is. LAZY!

“By Oum professor Crow!”

The sound of glass breaking echoed in the empty cafeteria,

Nora: WHY DID YOU NEED TO PUT IN THAT EARLIER SOUND EFFECT THEN!?

he quickly looked at his hand,the hunter realized a sharp stinging pain his hand and his glass of water gone, shards of glass penetrating his scared hand, next to him was a worried scarlet spartan,

Ert: Pyrrah isn’t a Spartan. Her name and weapons are Greek, but contrary to what popular fiction tells you, there was more to Greece than Sparta. And apparently she was inspired by Achilles, Not Leonidas.

the hunter stared at his hand for a moment not grasping of the situation, he slowly began to crawl out of his mind,

“Gehrman!” the spartan dropped her studious tone with concerned voice, the hunter jolted and jumped back into reality

Nora: She did what with her what now? I didn’t think you could make a tone of voice confusing, but by god you did it.

“Yes Pyrrah?” the hunter finally escaped within his mind

“Professor your hand!” the hunter stared at his bloody hand, he disliked the fact that he had to wear his uniform since his armor would have prevented this little injury, he still had to attend Oobleck’s class even though he’s a professor himself , he only has one class short than every professor

Ert: The “professor” has to go to school. If this doesn’t illustrate exactly why him being a professor is a bad idea, I don’t know what will. Also he can get a shotgun gauntlet and a mace to the face without a scratch, yet somehow normal glass can still cut him. Because drama pierces his steel hard skin.

“Oh.. it seems that I am bleeding” the hunter replied calmly rhen plucked out a large glass out of his hand like it was a small splinter, the hunter looked at red haired girl the spartan grabbed the hunter’s wrist and dragged the hunter out of the cafeteria, he couldn’t help but wonder why it was empty despite the time, did he wake up late? No he couldn’t have the clock was at the correct position, he blamed his fatigue for the illusion

Nora: And he reacts stoically because he’s KEWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

(Gary Stu Counter: 20)

The hunter was now at the same white room once more, sitting on the soft bed was always a plus for him, the hunter grabbed the bottle of alcohol from the spartan who she asked him to hold it for her, the scarlet huntress turned to get a cotton swab, the nurse was absent so it was only the two, an ideal situation for the admirers but not for the hunter

Cornelia: What admirers are this now?

“Professor!” Crow simply began poured the cleaning alcohol to his bloody hand ignoring the pain like how he would treat his wound when there wasn’t any blood vials, now that he thought of it he needed to check his inventory in his storage box, his facial expression was masked by the large dark circles the hunter had under his eyes,

Ert: Yeah no, you’d still be able to make out his facial expressions. And once again he doesn’t react to pain because he’s just that badass.

(Gary Stu Counter: 21)

the skilled fighter looked close at the hunter’s face while being distanced, his eye was blood shot and a black circles were below the hunter’s eye, a sign of fatigue and in his case a massive one

Cornelia: I KNOW THERE’S SHADOWS!

(Goldfish Counter: 10)

“Professor did you get any sleep?”

“I certainly did” the hunter lied then watched as the red haired spartan began to pluck out the small glass out of his hand, he didn’t bother to flinch at all, the fact that he slept for the past days were an obvious lie, his lack of attention and his dark circles were proof of it, he was always aware of his surrounding looking for exits as if something would attack, for the lack of the better word he was a bit paranoid every time

Nora: So he assumes that the Vilebloods could attack at anytime and does nothing to prepare the students for it or put anyone on alert. Our hero. Also. I GET THE FUCKING PICTURE ABOUT THE SHADOWS!

(Goldfish Counter: 11)

“Professor…”

“Only in classes Pyrrah I believe I already made it clear, I am same age as you are after all” the hunter gave a fake smile again, oh how wish to make a grin without straining, but ever since he arrived his mood was better than his stay in Yharnam

“Oh Sorry about that…”

Ert: I was just trying to distract myself from how stupid this situation is, but you want to focus on it for some reason.

“It is fine we are friends are we not?”

“Then since we’re friends can you tell me what’s wrong?”

“Why do you ask? I am fine” the hunter pretend to be oblivious of the question

Cornelia: I feel like this scene is the story in a nutshell. “Tell me what’s wrong.” “NO!” Serious question. What is this story about? What is its purpose? Trick question. It has no purpose and it’s about nothing.

“Well… you were staring off into space for twenty minutes straight and you held your cup so hard that you shattered it, the utensils in Beacon were reinforced so this doesn’t happen” she began to wrap the bandages in his hand despite the aura healing him already

(Gary Stu Counter: 22)

Ert: I swear, some stories go out of their way to make their characters as big of a Stu as possible. They can’t pick their nose without doing it in a way that only the strongest man alive could.

“Gehrman maybe we’re not close but I’m willing to listen to your problem”

“Pyrrah I am fine truly I am” he hated lying but it was for the best

“Are you now?” the hunter turned to see the familiar professor

“Good morning headmaster what brings you here?”

“Hello professor Ozpin” the two teens greeted the old man, he walked in to the infirmary

Nora: So, Phyrrah had no purpose in this scene. Just going through the same song and dance routine that’s made up approximately 50% of the story here.

“Gehrman do you know what today is?”

“Today is… monday is it not? a slight”

“No it’s thursday and today is parents visitation day”

Ert: Yeah, this guy is really good teacher material. Can’t keep track of the days and forgets important events. He should have quit.

“Eh?” the hunter’s good eye blinked not knowing the holiday, but what he knew was he wanted to take a deep sleep or he would faint

‘Parent Visitation day… what an odd celebration, by the gods I need to sleep’

Nora: I supposed you could take a night off hunting, it doesn’t seem to be getting any results, but nah, that’s too LOGICAL!

Ert: And with that, this chapter ends. I don’t know how but it actually manages to get dumber each time.

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22 Comments on “1099: The Final Hunt – Chapter 8 Part 2 & Chapter 9”

  1. Mr. Andersmith says:

    You also forgot to mention how Crow is a complete hypocrite for not wearing Vileblood clothes, but when it comes to weapons, he’ll happily wield a pistol well loved by the Vilebloods.

    Good job author.

    • erttheking says:

      This is true. That’s because Crow doesn’t really have standards, that would imply some sort of structure. He just beats people up to look cool by comparison.

      • Mr. Andersmith says:

        Actually he does have standards. He follows two basic rules; angst, and cool. Whichever decison leads to either he’ll take it, and then shove it down our throats about it, and usually doing it in such an infuriating matter not thought possible.

  2. GhostCat says:

    I can’t stop noticing how frequently the word “hunter” pops up now. There are other nouns in the dictionary, author.

  3. GhostCat says:

    The laugh began to die down and soon silence fell, the hunter pulled his blade out its tip dripping with tainted blood, he raised his sword again in one fluid motion he decapitate the executioner’s head,

    Decapitating someone’s head sounds really re…

    :sirens blare:

    Oh, dear.

    • GhostCat says:

      as he noticed that the fog has cleared he noticed that he was in an abandoned dock

      There’s an awful lot of noticing going on.

      :sirens intensify:

      Well, damn.

  4. GhostCat says:

    the hunter removed the blood from the sword then placed it back to the hammer,

    He put the blood back in the hammer? Why was the hammer bleeding?

  5. agigabyte says:

    Is RWBY any good? I’m thinking about watching it.

    • Tie Dye Mage says:

      I recommend it. The fight scenes are great and the soundtrack is fantastic. Just a warning though, the first season is not as good as the second. So don’t let the first season put you off the whole thing.

  6. SuperFeatherYoshi says:

    The hunter slaughtered the SS class grimms with ease as if it was a mere beowol

    Oh dear god… What new spore of madness has the Third Reich unleashed upon the world this time?!

    “Of course! Don’t you know anything about science?”

  7. Delta XIII says:

    Nora: He was never the man you know, because whoever this shapeshifter is, he sure as fuck isn’t Alfred the Executioner. Alfred was shot and buried in a shallow grave, along with any sense of subtly Bloodborne had. And the relevance RWBY has in this plot.

    Quite a crowded grave.

  8. SuperFeatherYoshi says:

    Excuse me, I didn’t follow this snarking from the start, but what’s that with Crow being de-aged?

  9. TacoMagic says:

    If the only way you can do that is to make everyone else in the universe look bad it really shows how little faith you have in him. And yourself as a writer.

    To be fair, the lack of faith is pretty deserved from what we’ve seen in the fic.

  10. TacoMagic says:

    *Sigh*

    I’m preemptively nominating this asshat for next year’s douchebag award. And I think he’s got a strong chance of being the category favorite.

  11. TacoMagic says:

    Yes, how the word he used so many times but with no answers

    Would that word be, perhaps, HUNTER!?

  12. Tie Dye Mage says:

    ‘He is no longer the man I know He is no longer the man I know He is no longer the man I know He is no longer the man I know’

    SLAM

    Goddammit, the record keeps skipping.

  13. "Lyle" says:

    If Crow – I’m sorry, The Hunter – has been made a teacher, why is he still living in the student dorms?

    And ye gads, there’s no point to this story at all, is there? It’s like the author was like “I bet putting these two canons together would be cool because they both use ‘hunters.'” But that’s as far the thought process went. He jumped in with absolutely no plot in mind, no main conflict other than Crow being “mysterious” and douchey.

    • erttheking says:

      And attending class. Because…Hell if I know. This story feels like two different ideas that got spliced together and are now a shambling mutant abomination. On top of just being shit.

      To be honest that’s how most crossovers that suck go. It’s not hard to make the two worlds merge either. Christ I doodled my own RWBY/Bloodborne crossover when I was bored and it’s miles better than this drek.


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