1095: Just Another Jelsa Story – Chapter 2

 

Title: Just Another Jelsa Story
Author: JacktoSquareOne
Media: Film
Topic: Frozen/Rise of the Guardians/Cinderella/Peter Pan
Genre: Romance/Humor
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat

 

Good {current time part}, Patrons! I am here with the second slice of this odd little crossover. Not a whole heck of a lot happened last time; there was some brief character introductions, quite a bit of fangirl/boy squeezing, and Jack bitched about doing chores. After some shenanigans involving a portal-cube, Bunnymund arrived to help Jack as his Fairy Godbunny. I’m hoping this help is in the form of freeing Jack from his lifetime of slavery, but suspect it involves attending a fancy dress ball.

Time for the fic!

Back with another update!

This is the second chapter and thus the first update for this fic.

Hah! And I’m watching Frozen.

And what does that have to do with … Well, anything really?

LOL IRONIC YOLO. (anyone else know where I got that from?)

:THWACK!:

Did you just put an Author’s Note inside your Author’s Note?

:rubs author’s nose in fic:

No! Bad author! We don’t do that here!

As it happens, I do know where that comes from (because I spend a lot of time on YouTube) and I don’t think you’re using it the right way.

Unless you wrote this fic “ironically” to conceal the fact that you love Frozen and Rise of the Guardians, which I doubt very much because you are pretty enthusiastic in your shipping, then this is not an “ironic YOLO” situation.

OH MY FROST LET IT GO IS ON YAAAAY~

Still don’t care. And I will never care, because what you are doing when you write this is in no way relevant to me when I’m reading it.

HEY GUESS WHAT!

:groans:

I SAW PETER PAN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER! I FINALLY CONVINCED MY DAD TO BUY IT FOR ME, SO INSTEAD OF BUGGING HIM FOR ETERNITY, I LET IT GO. I ASKED HIM ‘DO YOU WANNA TO BUILD A SNOWMAN IN SUMMER?’

I think someone’s watched Frozen a few times too many.

Okay I need a life. ._. but this actually happened today (hah)

Your father purchased a DVD of Peter Pan and you used the opportunity to drop the titles of a good portion of the Frozen soundtrack into a meaningless statement?

Alright! On with the update!

Finally!

Disclaimer: I don’t Own Rise of the Guardians, or Frozen, or Peter Pan. I wish I did. But I don’t *goes and cries in a corner*

Son of a … She’s adding another canon to this thing?!?

Act II- Jack Frost and His Magical Friends

Sounds like a lame-ass holiday special.

“So you’re telling me this ice cube is gonna be my carriage?” I asked the Kangaroo, an eyebrow raised.

That does sound a bit far-fetched, but since the ice cube seems to have the ability to open travel portals I guess it could be called a “carriage” of sorts in the vernacular of the time period.

“Yes. That’s exactly what I said for the last three minutes.” I smirked at his annoyed expression.

Uh-oh.

:loads bolt-tape into Spider Cannon:

SHINOBI-SAN!

:ninja appears:

Shinobi-san, I need you to … Wait a second. Sensei, you’re not Shinobi-san. :squints: Are you?

“Apologies, Ghostcat-sama. but the honorable liaison is otherwise engaged. Dragon-kun located the clan’s strategic spice reserves last evening.”

So?

“It would seem that for theropod dinosaurs, turmeric is a powerful hallucinogen.”

Oh, dear. Well, you’ll have to do in a pinch. :hands Ishi the Spider Cannon: You know what to do.

:Ishi bows and leaves the Riffing Chamber:

Where were we? Oh, right – Bunny was taking way too long to explain to Jack that the cube that brought him to Jack was some kind of transportation device. It’s possible that Jack is being deliberately dense, because he’s a childish asshole in this fic, but if this is his chance to escape then he should probably dial the juvenile antics down a bit.

“Okay, we need to call on two spirits to help us with the rest of everything.” Bunny instructed.

Wait, what? Why would they need to summon more spirits? Shouldn’t the fairy god-bunny be able to handle everything? North gave him special magical powers, or something.

“I thought you were able to do all the magic shit because you were my fairy GodBunny?”

Yeah, what he said.

“I still need some help from two spirits. Your choice of who they are.”

Jack Daniels and Captain Morgan.

 “Peter and Sandy.” I answered immediately.

Hopefully these two spirits, who are probably good friends of Jack’s, have some kind of useful abilities that will help him in whatever it is Bunny is doing.

Why is Jack being asked to chose two spirits? Wouldn’t North, or Bunny, or whomever coordinated this thing have selected spirits with the appropriate powers needed to pull off whatever scheme they have concocted? Just letting Jack randomly pick two spirits could backfire; he could pick a water spirit when they need someone with air powers, for example.

“Peter? As in Peter Pan, Guardian of Youth?” Bunny asked, clearly appalled.

Thank you, Captain Exposition.

How can Peter be the Guardian of Youth? Aren’t all the Guardians technically the Guardians of Youth, as the protect the young? It’s such an all-encompassing title that it could mean anything.

I nodded. “He’s a good friend of mine. When he’s not in Neverland, he comes and visits me often.”

Peter hasn’t done anything to help Jack escape Carolina and his life of slavery, however. I guess that they aren’t that good of friends.

Bunny groaned. “Not another bloody show pony.” He whined in protest.

From what I know of Peter Pan he likely would have a flair for the dramatic, but I think the author is using this phrasing simply to prove that they have seen the film.

I shoved his shoulder. “Just call them.”

With what? Cell phones, and telephone technology in general, doesn’t exist yet. Even in modern times the Guardians don’t have a form of rapid communication available to them. The film would have been very different if they had.

About ten minutes later they finally showed up, Peter looking as classy as ever.

Which tells me exactly nothing about what he looks like now.

“Hey Mr. Pan seems you decided to show up.” I said with a smirk, rushing over to hug him.

:tosses roll of bolt-tape to Ishi:

It only took Peter ten minutes to travel from wherever he was to wherever Jack is? That seems incredibly fast to me, even by modern standards.

Peter laughed and hugged me back. “And Frosty the Snowman decided to ask for help for once.” He smirked.

:tosses another roll of bolt-tape to Ishi:

I’m gonna run out of spiders at this rate.

This is a world where fictional characters such as Peter Pan and the Easter Bunny are real; there is quite likely a real Frosty the Snowman lurking about somewhere.

I rolled my eyes. “Shut up you.” I felt a tug on my shirt, causing me to look down and see Sandy. “Hey Sandy how’ve you been?”

Sandy created a thumbs up out of his dream sand. I smiled.

Great; Sandy – AKA the Sandman, a being who only communicates through visual imagery – is here in this written work.

:headdesk:

This is going to be painful.

Of course, if you didn’t know who Sandy was or what his “dream sand” is, this would make absolutely no sense to you.

“Have you gotten your staff back yet?” Peter asked. I shook my head. “Nope. Bitch….I mean…excuse me, Pitch still has it.”

:deadpan: Ha. Ha. How very witty.

Peter frowned, his eyebrows furrowing.

“It’s fine, let’s just get to the ball already.”

Yeah, enough about Jack’s missing and presumably vital equipment that Peter, who supposedly visits Jack regularly, should already know is missing, let’s get busy rescuing … Wait, the ball? They’re going to the frickin’ ball?

:headdesk:

Why? For what possible reason would someone who is enslaved against their will give up a perfect opportunity for freedom just to go to a fancy dress party? Other than “it happened in Cinderella”, of course.

Bunny clapped, the ice cube turning into a huge ice carriage.

:stares into Void:

Yeah, that’s just … Stunning.

Peter simply smacked me on the back, my clothes changing into a simple blue prince shirt

That’s not a thing; I’ve sewn a wide range of garments over the years, both historically accurate and modern designs, and I have never come across anything called a “prince shirt” in all that time. Let’s see what Google says;

Prince Harry in a muscle shirt. Not bad, Google Image Search!

with a blue scarf…thing

Cravat? Necktie? Kerchief? For the love of all which is held holy, spend ten minutes on Pinterest looking up outfits so you can get the names of the different items right!

(I need to catch up on fashion excuse me for being a winter spirit with no life)

:THWACK!:

I don’t blame you, handsome, I blame the author for an appalling lack of research.

and brown pants. Brown boots formed on my feet, and I felt all tingly.

:squints: I can’t decide if that counts as a Bad Touch or not. And why does Peter, the Guardian of Youth, have the innate ability to change someone’s clothing? That’s a weird power to have.

“Hold up, haven’t you guys ever heard of Cinderella?

:record-screech:

Wait a second – Cinderella’s a thing in this universe? The hell?

Shouldn’t there be some ‘bibbity bobbity boo’ or some shit like that?” I asked,

:spit-take:

THE FUCKING DISNEY VERSION EXISTS??? IN THIS TIME PERIOD?? HOW?!?

running my now gloved hands through my hair. I shrieked, now noticing the gloves.

The gloves freak him out? He’s a magical being who is friends with Peter Pan, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny, but frickin’ gloves are what set him off?

I think my brain done got broked.

They were a pale, pastel blue, which freaked me out. I ripped them off and tossed them as far as I could.

So it isn’t the gloves that appeared out of thin frickin’ air that he finds weird, but their color?

I honestly have nothing to say to that. It boggles my poor addled brain.

“NO. GLOVES.” I glared at them.

No love?

Sandy smiled at me, before using his dream sand magic to animate the carriage and make some horses.

I will buy Sandy making horse, but what does it mean “animate the carriage”? That makes no sense. The carriage isn’t a living thing so it doesn’t need animating. It isn’t even moving yet!

Peter summoned one of the Lost Boys to be that guy who drives the carriage.

:headdesk:

Coachman? Hell, I would have accepted “driver” at this point. Just give me something.

It was the blonde dressed as a fox. I forgot his name. George? I don’t know.

:tilts head sideways:

Is this an unmarked Author’s Note or Jack’s narration? I can’t tell anymore. Not that it makes a difference; Jack is the author’s sock-puppet.

Bunny snapped his fingers, and the Lost Boy’s clothes changed to look like a duke.

:headdesk:

Livery, it is called livery; servants and retainers wear livery in their employer’s colors, dukes wear formal clothes. Two different things.

“C’mon Kangaroo! Do the bibbity bobbity boo!” I whined childishly.

I will take you over my knee, young man, and you will not enjoy it. Stop being such a bratty asshole.

Peter laughed. “C’mon Frost, I’ll join you for the ball.” Bunny clapped again and Peter was dressed similar to me, just he had a green shirt and black pants, and he kept on his light green gloves.

This is the most lackluster costume porn I’ve come across in a while. I’d almost prefer Grim’s over-the-top black leather ensembles dripping with knives.

We climbed into the carriage and Lost Boy Number Fox started driving us down the road and to the ball.

Lost Boy Number Fox? Really? You couldn’t even take ten seconds to make up a name for him? Lazy-ass author.

I had to admit, I was excited.

To be free? That’s understandable since you’ve spent two decades in captivity. Unless you mean you’re excited to be going to a party, in which case you’re a twatwaffle.

“Stop jumping in your chair will ya?” Peter asked.

Carriages, even carriages made of ice, do not have chairs.

I shot a glare in his direction. “WE CAN DO IT TOGETHER!” Peter childishly shouted, bouncing along with me. We laughed and continued bouncing the whole way there.

:headdesk:

:headdesk:

:headdesk:

Bloody fucking hell. Now there’s two of them.

I looked at the detail on the carriage.

:stares into the Void:

What detail?

It was beautifully carved, like either the Queen or I did it myself.

You two don’t carve ice, you create it. And you have very different styles; Jack’s is more subtle, creating delicate feathery swirls that closely resembles the way true frost forms. Elsa’s changes depending on her emotional state; when angry or stressed the patterns are sharp-edged but when she’s relaxed they have more curves and smooth, sinuous shapes.

It sparkled blue and pink and gold, due to Sandy’s sand.

Which is doing something, apparently. I’m not sure what, but it is definitely doing a thing.

I ran my hand along it, and watched as we approached the castle. This would be fun.

Which means I have more childish antics to look forward to. Awesome.

Hope you all liked this update!

-IShipJelsabecauseImaJelsaLover

Not especially; not only was Jack a whiny bitch, but nothing really happened. All the transformations were over in seconds, it would take longer to put on a pair of clean socks.

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40 Comments on “1095: Just Another Jelsa Story – Chapter 2”

  1. The Crowbar says:

    Disclaimer: I don’t Own Rise of the Guardians, or Frozen, or Peter Pan.

    Wait, what?

    She saw a new movie, and now she’s adding it to the story mid-way through for no apparent reason whatsoever?

    This is going to get even more painful, isn’t it?

  2. AdmiralSakai says:

    Act II- Jack Frost and His Magical Friends

    Sounds like a lame-ass holiday special.

    I think it sounds like a euphemism for doing cocaine and LSD at the same time.

    Which would probably kill you. Although in this case, it would do us all a favor.

  3. AdmiralSakai says:

    LOL IRONIC YOLO. (anyone else know where I got that from?)

    My god, I think using ‘YOLO’ ironically is actually becoming more superficial and obnoxious than playing it straight!

  4. AdmiralSakai says:

    Also, why is half the chapter nested author’s notes?

  5. Herr Wozzeck says:

    I SAW PETER PAN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER! I FINALLY CONVINCED MY DAD TO BUY IT FOR ME, SO INSTEAD OF BUGGING HIM FOR ETERNITY, I LET IT GO. I ASKED HIM ‘DO YOU WANNA TO BUILD A SNOWMAN IN SUMMER?’

    *sigh*

    Please tell me we’re dealing with another 11-year-old here…

    • GhostCat says:

      The bio page doesn’t list an age, but she does say “I’m very immature, so sorry if it shows.”

      Yeah, no kidding.

      She also claims to speak eight languages (including Norwegian, Chinese, and Japanese, which are all notoriously difficult to learn) so even if there was an age listed I would be skeptical that it was her real age.

  6. Herr Wozzeck says:

    “It would seem that for theropod dinosaurs, turmeric is a powerful hallucinogen.”

    Huh. Well, I’m glad I keep some stocked in my spice rack, then. I guess I know what I’m gonna give Crunchy in a few days…

  7. Herr Wozzeck says:

    “Okay, we need to call on two spirits to help us with the rest of everything.” Bunny instructed.

    I sense naked plot convenience to get Peter Pan into the proceedings.

    I also love how Bunnymund doesn’t even answer the question Jack springs after this. It’s like even the fic seems to know it’s stupid, but is too afraid to comment on it for fear that the only people dumb enough to like this would run away…

  8. Herr Wozzeck says:

    Why? For what possible reason would someone who is enslaved against their will give up a perfect opportunity for freedom just to go to a fancy dress party?

    Because Blue.

  9. Herr Wozzeck says:

    Prince Harry in a muscle shirt. Not bad, Google Image Search!

    *salivates*

    MAAAAAAAANCAAAAAAAANDYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

  10. Herr Wozzeck says:

    Brown boots formed on my feet,

    Which would be a terrible, terrible choice if you’re going to a ball similar to what you might see in Cinderella. You know, given that boots tend to be constrictive on how much motion you can get from your ankles. Yeah, try doing the Viennese Waltz without being able to bend your ankle in any way.

    And sure, there are ballroom dance boots, but let’s be real: given that the author mentioned barely a few minutes ago that they couldn’t be assed to research what the scarf-like thing Jack has is supposed to be, I doubt she was thinking in those terms. So yeah.

  11. Herr Wozzeck says:

    Shouldn’t there be some ‘bibbity bobbity boo’ or some shit like that?” I asked,

    *BAM*

    I’m sorry, I’ll get back to you on that when it’s not a blatantly shoehorned-in pop culture reference.

  12. Herr Wozzeck says:

    I honestly have nothing to say to that. It boggles my poor addled brain.

    Does it give you the… heebie jeebies?

  13. Herr Wozzeck says:

    “NO. GLOVES.” I glared at them.

    Is it bad that I was expecting Jack to immediately do this:

  14. Herr Wozzeck says:

    I whined childishly.

    We’re being trolled, aren’t we?

    • The Crowbar says:

      Yeah’, probably. Or maybe she just had an amazing moment of lucidity which passed after a second or so.

  15. "Lyle" says:

    So far the only tolerable character is the ice cube.

  16. The Crowbar says:

    On a completely unrelated note, everything here is going off the deep fucking end, so by the end of the summer I may be gone.

    For good.

    I’m sorry, but I literally cannot do anything about it myself. Just have to wait and see how July and August goes.

    I’m also really sorry if I ruined some moods, but I thought it was worth mentioning, because you probably would hate it if I just dropped off without any sort of indication as to what the fuck happened.

  17. TacoMagic says:

    “Yes. That’s exactly what I said for the last three minutes.” I smirked at his annoyed expression.

    Oh no you do-

    *BOOM*

    ARGH! WHY ARE THERE SPIDERS IN THE BOLT-TAPE!?

    • Ishi says:

      That was surprisingly effective. One shall have to compliment DaburuMegane-chan on her resourcefulness.

    • TacoMagic says:

      “Hey Mr. Pan seems you decided to show up.” I said with a smirk, rushing over to hug him.

      More smirking means more spider tape. Taco no want spider tape. *Rocks in place*

      Peter laughed and hugged me back. “And Frosty the Snowman decided to ask for help for once.” He smirked.

      YOU ASSHOLES ARE IN LEAGUE WITH THE SPIDERS!

      *BOOM*

      AEEEEIIIIII! Why did it have to be the huntsman roll!?


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