1056: A New World – Chapter Four and Five

Title:  A New World
Author: locoattack1
Media: Cartoon
Topic: My Little Pony
Genre: Romance/Humor
URL: Chapter Four and Five
Critiqued by FaeriesFrost (formerly Swing Sweet Seraphim)

*A figure dressed in Archaeologist type cloths appears from the mists of the library*

Salutations dear patrons it’s me Seraphim, now known as FaeriesFrost! It’s been awhile hasn’t it? In case you don’t remember I was the guest riffer who took on the challenge of slogging through the shit swamp of a fic called A New World, penned by the infamous Locoattack1 author of the “great” story Dashie critiqued by GhostCat. Well, seeing as my Archaeological studies have come to close for the summer I have decided to take the reins up once again and continue to journey deeper into A New World.

*takes off Indian Jones style hat, puts on her cowboy hat and swings into the saddle*

It was sure nice of the Librarians to take care of my horse for all those months. Hm, I wonder how Marston is doing? I sent him on ahead but haven’t heard back from him in a while.

*begins to roll a cigarette*

In case you have forgotten, last time in A New World we met our whiny Gary Stu protagonist Danny. Danny is a miserable little whelp of a 14 year old boy who suddenly finds himself thrown into the world of Equestria sans family. Upon finding this out Danny decides the best form of action to take is to amble on down to Pony Ville with dubstep blaring in his ears. Of course along the way we are introduced to his love interest, no one pony other than Rainbow Dash. After being knocked unconscious Danny wakes up and lets Dash know he isn’t a threat and that his home world Earth is a complete shit hole and the “never plans on going back.”

*places cigarette in mouth, strikes a match, and lights the end of her hand rolled smoke*

Let’s continue shall we?

Sorry this took so long, I wrote the first draft and it sucked. So I had to re-write it. And then Team Fortress 2 happened.

I don’t know which is worse, the fact that he broke his promise in the last chapter of writing a chapter every day, the fact that this is a revised version of a previous draft or the fact that this chapter is titled OMGWTF.

I walked down the road with Dash flying eye level next to me, we discussed topics relating to our daily lives.

Again this must have been a really short conversation since you were more than half way there when Rainbow Dash bitch slapped crashed into your face.

I pretended to be surprised at the prospect of magic and various other parts of things that she told me.

Why? She knows nothing of the mechanics of the terrible Earth place. You could make up anything you wanted and she would “believe it,”

She, however, was extremely surprised to hear that the weather took care of its self. (U JELLY.)

*bitch slaps Danny with Vuvuzela* seriously dude? Really? No really? What the FUCK were you thinking when you wrote that? U JELLY? No, I am not jelly, peach, cherry, marmalade or otherwise. Oh, and to be “jelly” you actually have to exhibit some sort of trait that is desired but could somehow not be achieve. And ye Gods. THIS IS THE REVISED VERSION!

“Wait, how do you prepare for storms if you don’t know when they happen?” She asked in a confused voice.

*takes out tobacco pipe and loads it with fresh cherry tobacco, strikes a match and begins to pontificate*

Well you see Dash humans have invented a rather accurate way of predicting the weather. We choose one member from Duck Dynasty, or a GoGo Dancer. Make them stand in a washtub half full of peanut butter, whilst simultaneously wearing a sparkly tutu and an inflatable dinosaur inner tube, complete with a top hat and snorkel set with a joke cigar sticking out of the top. Said person then slowly spins around on one foot and sings a rendition of Row-Row-Row Your Boat in a Russian accent. If the top hat explodes and the joke cigar blows up before then end of the song then we may accurately predict that it will rain Chicken Chow Mein for the next few days.

All joking aside we humans are actually pretty good at predicting WHEN a storm is going to happen, hell we can even predict when a tropical storm is going to become a hurricane. Tidal waves on the other hand are a different a story. They rock our world to the very foundation.

“Well, we have really advanced machines that sense humidity changes and stuff like that.” I explain calmly

Good to know he is so calm when he talks about the weather. Also humidity, not so much. Usually you measure temperature, wind speed, air pressure and a lot of other factors, basically everything in the troposphere. All these measurements are then put into “super computers” that have knowledge of past weather as well as equations to help make the most accurate prediction about what is going to happen.

“Then people called meteorologists interpret those readings into predictions. They aren’t always accurate though.”

Predictions you have used this word, I don’t think it means what you think it does since if you predict something it usually means that it might not be accurate.

“Wow, so humans are really smart?” Dash asks, impressed but still confused.

Again is Rainbow Dash an idiot? I have watched the show a couple of times and don’t remember her being so confused.

“Well, we are smart but I wouldn’t say that we are smarter than ponies, it’s just that we don’t have magic or wings, so we invented machines to make our lives easier, more fun, or better.” I explain to Dash.

A fair statement, I will have to give you that Danny-boy. But I would argue that there would be humans who are smarter than ponies. Like Professor Hawking for instance. His theory of multi-universes is very sound, at least scientifically, which means that

*vaguely waves hand*

…whatever you would call this….”multi-verse” is kind of plausible, whereas the ponies here (at least in your rendition) have no idea that they are a fucking cartoon and that there are worlds that exist beyond their own.

“Ponies and human are equally smart;”

*grunts and waves around caveman club* Yes, human smart

“But ponies have magic and flight to mess with we only have our….”

Looks like you forgot to finish your

“Oh I get it,” Dash says, understanding that I am saying

*sirens blare*

Ah shit fire and save matches.

*one Red Dead Redemption-like battle later*

*picks a jolly rancher bullet from her hat and eats it*

Yum, sour strawberry. Besides being repetitive Danny-boy keeps making Rainbow Dash seem like a complete moron.

“Awesome, I’ll go into the kind of stuff that we invented later,” I tell Dash, relieved that one big explanation was over,

W-what? The weather is a big explanation? Or getting the point across that the human race isn’t a bunch of drooling idiots who are so stupid that they wipe their asses with rakes…. You know what? She probably needs that explanation since you are so dense that light actually bends around you at times.

“maybe if came back to my house later; I can show you some of these inventions.”

Oh if always wandering away from home. Hopefully if is back at home so he can show Dash all the awesomey awesomeness of the inventions

“Really?” Dash asks in an exited voice, “that’d be awesome!”

*does Snaggle Tooth Impression* Voice, exit stage right.

I don’t know how to respond to her comment, so I just smile wider than I ever have before. Not a troll face smile, like the ones I usually made back on Earth but a real genuine smile.


Pictured: School photo of Danny-boy

Yesh, no wonder you had no friends

We spend the rest of the walk talking about Dash and her friends

This must be the longest 500 feet in the world

who she seems very loyal to. No shit she is the element of loyalty

She is the embodiment of loyalty and yet she only seems to be loyal to them, guess if shit really goes down she just leaves. Later fuckers.

I told Dash that the first ponies that I wanted to meet were her friends, since she could convince them that I wasn’t a threat. She agreed to this idea, and we continued on our way to Ponyville.

You know what would be the responsible thing to do Dash? Go and tell Princess Celestia that a Foreign Alien Genotype has come to Equestria so that she KNOWS what is happening. I could imagine that a transgression like harboring a creature that could be a potential threat to society and therefore the crown could be considered treason.

Before long, we had reached Ponyville, and I was really fucking nervous. Dash, however, looked like she had just got accepted into the Wonderbolts. Naw, she wasn’t that exited.

The continued misuse of exited for excited just cements the fact that you don’t proof read your work and just run spell check. This is a horrid way to write Danny-boy since a lot of mistakes get over looked. I know that you are just a freshman but this is something that your teachers should have hammered into your skull since you were in elementary school.

“Wait here, Danny,” She tells me, “I’ll go round up the Royal Guard my friends so that you can meet them.”

“Okay Dash, see ya!” I say as I watch the cyan mare blast into the air going a million miles an hour, leaving a rainbow streak in her wake. That is fucking awesome!


I examine my surroundings and see a tree on the other side of the road. I walk over to said tree and promptly lie down in the shade. I take out my mp3 from my coat pocket and plug in the ear buds, and put on ‘Ghosts N Stuff’ by deadmau5.

Thrilling. Also I thought that you just brought your hoodie and not a coat.

As I vibe to the beat, I can’t help but wonder how I will introduce myself. I knew that I would take them all back to my house to show them who I am, but I wondered how I would start the intro.

Would I jump straight to the fact that they existed in my world as a tv show? Would I tell them the horrors of my world? I knew that I would have to get both of those issues out of the way today, I didn’t want to feel like I was lying to anypony.

I really, REALLY don’t see why explaining to these ponies that they are a television show is so fucking important. I really don’t. I don’t see it as being a very good plot device because it only accomplishes that Danny is from another realm and seeing as he is so different and admits that he isn’t from Equestria it means NOTHING to anyones anyponies character development . It would be like telling Mr. Tumnus that his ENTIRE world is encased inside a wardrobe.

I must’ve been thinking/vibing

ThinkVibe the new was to pontificate!

there for a while, because the next thing I knew, I heard voices behind me. Not right behind me, probably about 100 feet away, still close enough for me to be worried.

So you hear voices a hundred feet away BUT have your earphones in with the music turned up enough for you to be “vibing” to the beat. Skeptical Faerie is skeptical.

That is, until I heard what the vices were saying.

I didn’t realize that any of the Deadly Sins besides Vanity were going to make an appearance in this fic.

“Are ya’ll sure this ‘human’ ain’t dangerous?” I hear somepony say with a southern accent, definitely Applejack.

I would say that AppleJack has more of a Texas accent, since you know, she wears a cowboy hat and all. We could get into the argument that Texas is part of the South and therefore the accent could be considered southern, but being from Texas, culturally, I would say that it isn’t. Southern accents tend to be softer around the vowels than Texas accents which hit vowel sounds with a roundhouse kick in pronunciation.

“He must have so many stories to tell, I’m sure I could learn all kinds of things about his culture. This is gonna be so fun!” I hear a pony say, definitely Twilight, no other pony would be so excited about learning.

Fair enough Danny-boy I will give you a point for accurately describing Twilight *gives author redemption cookie*

“Darlings, I’m sure that this human is not here to hurt us. I’m sure that a civilization as intelligent as his will be clean and kind.” This one must be Rarity; no other pony has a vocabulary like that.

*gives author another redemption cookie*

“Oh, I hope he isn’t hurt. He must be so scared, all alone without any friends.” Says a pony in a whisper. Must be Fluttershy.

*gives author another cookie than takes it away* Either use italics or don’t!

“Hiya there, My name’s Pinkie Pie! What’s you’re name?” OMGWTFHOLYSHIT

A pink mare appeared out of nowhere in front of my face, and that’s all I remember before passing out.

*takes out Volcanic Pistol and shoots miscapitalized M down to size*

Danny-boy must be easily startled if something like that causes him to pass out. Hell, I wouldn’t be scared of something that faints like an Antebellum Southern Belle laced up in her corset in the middle of summer who has just seen her beau.

What a pussy…I mean BADASS! :3

I also see we are going for the wounded/sick plot point again. Oh, regurgitating scenarios how I love them.

I hope you liked this chapter, I tried to imagine what the characters really would say. Next chapter will be out sooner.

I HATED this chapter just like the last one. However, you did capture what the Mane Six might say in a situation like this so *awkwardly pats author on head* good job. Also, no random dumbass quote from the internet at the end of your note so also good job.

*glances around* I notice that we have caught up to Marston yet. Damn him, he should have been waiting for us.

*looks at the deepening dark of the sky and notices that the horizon has taken on a sickly green color and that a faint sound like the rumbling of a Gods stomach is being carried on the breeze. Along with this comes a smell that is both acrid and sweet. Seraph casually draws her weapon and lays it across the pommel of her saddle*

Perhaps he went ahead of us to check out whatever the hell that is up yonder.

*shifts in her saddle*

Let’s continue shall we? To the epic-ness of chapter 5.

That you for all of the positive feedback. The number one request that I get is to make my chapters longer. So I will! Random quote: “BONK”-Scout.

I could positively slaughter whoever is requesting that you make this mindless drivel longer, also the FIRST word of this story is incorrect which tells me how SHITTY fantastic this chapter is going to be.

Uhhhh, what happened? I think, not yet able to form words. Everything still looks black, as I lack the strength to open my eyes, though my hearing still seems to work, as I begin to pick up voices.

Ugh, this shit again?

What a pussy…I mean BADASS!: 4

“Do you think its okay?” I hear a soft voice say.

Oh yeah, that’s right, I’m in Equestria , I think, mentally face palming, Pinkie surprised me and I must’ve passed out, but where am I now? The surface I’m laying on doesn’t feel anything like grass (Or a surgical bed, thank god). It feels more like wood, meaning that I must be in one of their houses. The fact that they trust me enough to let me into one of their houses makes me feel a bit better.

*tosses a comma between the T and the S of its and shoots off the A in laying to make it lying*

I also love how anything wooden, or seems wooden is automatically a table and inside a house. It could be a torture rack for all he knows….in fact please let it be a torture rack.

“Ah’m sure it’ll be fine, sugarcube,” I hear Applejack say reassuringly, “It just got surprised, I’m sure it’ll wake up soon.”

“I sure hope so,” Rainbow Dash says, sounding less upbeat than usual, “I already knocked him out once today, I hope he’ll forgive Pinkie.”

Of course I’ll forgive Pinkie, duh. I’m just glad that she isn’t trying to bake everypony into tasty treats.

By the Twelve Gods, for someone who is sooooooo tired of that shitfest of a fic Cupckaes Danny-boy sure loves mentioning it often. Again we GET. IT. you are a brony congratulations!

*throws around confetti*

There, does that make you feel better?

I hope Pinkie doesn’t feel bad about making me pass out. Wait, she’s Pinkie Pie, she barley ever feels bad,

So she is psychopath then? Since one of the main characteristics is lacking empathy for other creatures that you may have hurt.

and what I did definitely wasn’t enough to create Pinkamena.

Good God he makes Pinkie Pie sound like a monster!

Now that I feel better, I can sense some of my strength returning.

I test my muscles, causing one of my legs to twitch slightly. This elicits a gasp from everypony.

“Oh boy! This is so cool!” I hear Pinkie say in an exited voice.

*smacks Pinkie with Vuvuzela * don’t stroke his ego dear he is like a golem the more you feed him the more of a monster he becomes.

I’m guessing that the rest of the mane six were holding their breath. I twitch again, this time in my arms. I hear everypony step back. Now that my strength had almost fully returned, I can try to do more than just twitch. Well, here I go.


I open my eyes, eliciting another gasp from everypony. Everything is blurry, but I can confirm that I am inside a building.

Damn, and I was hoping for a torture rack.

“Danny! You’re awake!” I hear Dash say in a surprised voice.

Did she think that he was in a coma or dead? Also, Rainbow Dash seems to have two emotions: dazed surprise and confused.

My vision begins to clear up; I now can confirm that I am in Twilight’s house. I look up and notice Dash standing right over me. She didn’t leave my side, wow. I guess she really is loyal, loyal to her friends. But that means I am her friend.


“Hey Dash. Yeah I’m awake.” I say as I begin to get up.

I decide not to stand up, as it may intimidate the ponies, so I just sit down on the floor.

He sat down from a lying position? Was he levitating above the floor?

“Pinkie didn’t mean to scare you,” Dash explains, “She was just being, well, Pinkie.”

“Its fine, all is forgiven,” I say, eager to relieve any tension within the room, “I don’t hold grudges over stupid little accidents.”

“Awesome!” Dash says with a smile across her face. I look over to the other five, who also look glad and relieved.  Applejack still looks wary, but that can be expected.

Why is that to be expected?

You know some character development would be great right here. As someone who isn’t that deep into this fandom I would like to know WHY Applejack would still be wary of Danny. Is it because she is protective of her friends? Has more common sense than them?

“Are you going to introduce me to your friends?” I ask, a smile starting to form on my face.

“Oh, right!” Dash exclaims, “Girls, this is Danny, and even though he may look scary, he’s actually pretty cool.

Now I have seen an actual picture of the author, I am not going to put it up because honestly it feels like a breach of privacy but I will say Danny is about as threatening looking a poro. If you don’t know what that is here is a photo for reference:


I decide to take over from Dash after she pauses. I have to admit, I am really fucking nervous. I need to make a good first impression on everypony here. I really can’t blow it, as this is my new world

Ah, there is the title insert I was waiting for!

and these are my new neighbors. And hopefully, my new friends.

Yes hopefully they don’t see through the false façade you are putting on and see you for the egotistical pompous ass that you are.

“Hey, I’m Danny Walters; you can just call me Danny though. I’m a human from the planet Earth and I have no idea how I got here.”

I notice the ponies look more confused now, but at the same time, they look much calmer.

I can see why this would cause confusion but a sense of calmness? That’s like a burglar saying ‘My name is Zane the Puss and I am robbing you but I have no idea how I got here so everything is calm now right?’

“Wait a minute,” Twilight pipes up, “What do you mean when you say you have no idea how you got here? How is that possible? By the way, my name’s Twilight Sparkle.”

Isn’t Twilight Sparkle supposed to be the Edd aka Double D of the group? What does she mean by ‘how is that possible?’ there are many ways that it is possible. It’s more possible than impossible for Danny-boy to not know how he got to Equestria.

“Well, Twilight,” I begin to explain what little I can, “Last night I went to bed, and this morning I woke up, had breakfast, went outside, and I was in Equestria. My house is still here, and all of the items inside are intact, but this makes no more sense to me than it does to you.”

The ponies seem less confused, but there is nothing more that I can explain.

I would say that what he said didn’t really answer any questions just further brought home the point to how clueless he is as to how this happened. And, by the way, it is NEVER addressed as to how he ended up in Equestria, so you can all let out the collective breaths you were holding.

“I really want to forget about my world, it wasn’t that great of a place. I just want to make some friends here and be accepted.”

“Well you’ve already made one friend” Dash says, smiling. I return the smile, feeling happier than I have in a while.

Weren’t you elated when you found out you were in Equestria? Or were you just lying to yourself about how happy you were? Hm, maybe he is bipolar?

“What do ya’ll mean, you’re world wasn’t that great?” Applejack asks me. Aw, fuck. Shit just got heavy.

*staggers under its weight of all the shit*

Also you used the wrong form your in this instance Danny-boy.

“Well, this might be hard for you ponies to comprehend,

Yes these stupid, stupid, stupid ponies.

but most people in my world are assholes. Meaning that some of them will gladly screw a friend over for some money, others will lie though their teeth to achieve selfish goals, Hell, some of them will even walk right passed someone who is getting the shit beaten out of them and not even try to help.”

I would think that the same thing would be true for Equestria, these are sentient beings who have flaws. If they were as perfect as Danny describes them they would absolutely be boring. I like how Danny gives these ponies the status of angels or even innocent children. Uncorruptible, probably. But that doesn’t mean that they aren’t infallible, one of their royal blood-line a PRINCESS was so overcome by jealousy and greed she actually fell into a madness so consuming that it changed her appearance. Or what about the fact that Rainbow Dash was bullied because she couldn’t control her movement very well when she was flying and crashed into things?

All six ponies look horrified, and haven’t even gotten started yet. I decide that I’m not gonna go into anything else today; I don’t want to scare them or corrupt their minds.

Yes those fragile psyches that they all have, better not go into too much detail or they may go into a moral epileptic seizure. Second, how is telling them how “horrible” Earth is corrupt their minds? They are the embodiment of the Elements of Harmony I would think that their spirits would be strong enough to resist doing the “horrid” things that happen on Earth.

“Now I could tell you everything now, but some of the stuff in my world, I don’t want to talk about yet.” I say, thinking of topics such as war, famine, and Detroit,

*snerk* Detroit is apparently one of the four angels of the Apocalypse now. I can just see an archangel dressed in home-boy swag strapped up, riding a horse that’s a low rider that somehow has spinners on it.

“Instead, I’m going to tell you about the most mind-blowingly awesome aspect of my world: Technology.”

I disagree Danny. Technology is great but there are way better “mind blowing” things than the electronic crap we turn out by the ton every year. Now if you are talking about robotic prosthetic limbs or something than yeah, I would agree, but I know you, you’re probably going to brag about your Xbox or MP3 or something.

Everypony looks confused, yet again. I’d better get used to that.

My Little Dunce Pony

“Okay, ponies can do magic, right?” I ask, inciting several nods, “Well, humans can’t. There are no unicorn humans or pegasus humans, there are just humans. We don’t have any special talents to get us by, like flying, breathing fire, or magic. We do, however, have one thing that makes us awesome, and that thing is creativity.

I thought it was technology that was so awesome and also humans can technically fly.

Over the course of our existence, we have developed technology that makes us a truly amazing species.”

I would say evolving a sense of consciousness and “self” would make us truly amazing. The fact that people form relationships based on something other than procreation, that people will willingly and gladly lay down their lives for their friends, lovers, family members hell even strangers makes us awesome. Not some fucking machine that is able to hold thousands of hours of music or a game console that has amazing graphics. You stupid fuck wit.

“Give us an example of this technology”, Twilight requests, moving closer to me.

*languidly waves noise maker* Yes please show off for us.

“One example is this,” I say as I show them my mp3 player, “My mp3 player.”

Called it.

“What does it do”, Twilight asks in a confused voice.

“It holds music,” I answer, “Thousands of hours of music. That music can be listened to through these earbuds, or not.”

“Wow, thousands of hours,” Twilight says, amazed at the sheer volume, “Do you mind if I listen?”

Please don’t feed the author’s ego Twilight it’s just an excuse for him to show off how “cool” he is by selected some mainstream dreck for you to listen too.

“No, but I need to choose the song. Some of the songs aren’t really, um, good for you, they swear a lot and stuff.”

I must ask what is swearing to a pony? This is another world so do the same rules apply as they would on Earth? Would they know that Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, CockSucker, MotherFucker, and Tits are 7 things you can’t say on television?

“Oh, sure”, Twilight agrees as I choose a song.

Okay, think. What song, what song? Aha! Bangduck is always good! I think, flipping through my electronic songs.

“This song is called Bangduck, it’s really cool, just listen.” I say pressing play.

(Listen to this)   <– This was actually put in the story by the author I have no part in it.

At first, everypony looked confused, but thirty seconds in, when the first layer was added, Pinkie started bobbing her head. When the beat dropped, even Fluttershy started bobbing her head. Needless to say, they enjoyed the song.

If you want to confuse a sentient pony just play Dubstep at them.

“That was pretty, cool, Danny, how do make those sounds, though?” Twilight asks, mystified.

*facepalms* so they are all going to be stupid…ok.

“They use technology and stuff.”

And “stuff” such a clear answer. This is bio nuclear physics it’s just numbers and stuff.

*hands out degrees*

Congratulations you all now have your doctorates in Nuclear Physics now.

I reply, eager to progress this conversation.

Yes, because heavens forbid the conversation steers away from involving you.

Everypony seems to accept this answer, and I begin to move on.

Of course they do, they are your little puppets after all.

“Wait, how long was I out?” I ask, the question suddenly popping into my head.

“Um, you were out for about fourteen hours.” Fluttershy tells me.

*record comically screeches to a halt*

WHAT? How…what? Fainting usually only happens for a spell of about 10-15 minutes not fourteen fucking hours.

“Shit! Fourteen hours!” Everypony cringes when I swear.

What a pussy….I mean BADASS!:5

Again I don’t think that swearing would be the same in Pony Ville as it is on Earth. I mean, I see what he is trying to do, ponies are good and therefore wouldn’t swear. Now, this is kind of charming if its one character that reacts that way but to have ALL of them and I mean EVERY single pony react this way is tedious and stupid. It makes them seem like they are five years old.

“Oh well, not like I missed anything.” I conclude, “I still don’t know some of your names, care to introduce yourselves?”

“Sorry, I’m Fluttershy. I tried to fix some of your bruises, if that’s okay.” I hear the yellow pony say in a whispering tone.

“Thanks, Fluttershy, and nice to meet you.” I say with a smile, trying to be as unintimidating as possible.

Or just polite.

“Ah’m Applejack, I run Sweet Apple Acres with mah brother Big Macintosh. Ah hope we can be friends.” Applejack says in a kind voice.

If you are going to use an accent then type out the accent every time that particular character speaks. If she pronounces I aa Ah make sure every I is Ah.

“I’m sure we will, Applejack. I love Apples, so you’ll see a repeat customer of me.” I say with a smile.

Is Apples, Applejacks blacksheep stripper sister?

“My name is Rarity, and I run the Carousel Boutique. You simply must stop by; I would love some more fashion inspiration.” The white unicorn says.

Eh? Fashion Inspiration? Danny isn’t wearing Prada he is dressed like a typical teenager….wait….is this a weak attempt to set up a plot point?

“I’m sure I could bring a few pictures of fashionable Earth clothing, as I don’t really have any suits to show you.” I tell her, hoping that she doesn’t offer to make any clothing for me, I don’t feel like trying on clothes for four hours.

Wow, what a jerk.

I brace myself for a Pinkie barrage, and just in time, too.

“Hi! I’m Pinke Pie! We already met before, remember? I was like ‘hi’! Then you were like ‘ahhhhhhh’!” Pinkie says, imitating our previous interaction, “I’m sorry if I scared you, but I was just soooooooooo exited to meet somepony new!”

“I understand, Pinkie.” I say, even though I didn’t understand, nopony could fully understand Pinkie, “I’m just glad that we can start off on a better note now.”

How does he not understand what she is saying? I mean, she is acting like a hyperactive 3 year old but she was coherent.

Pinkie then bounced off, probably to plan a surprise party. Like I need more surprises. I turn to the remaining five, who share worried glances.

ah what a weak attempt at humor

“Just a head’s up,” Twilight says nervously, “Pinkie’s probably going to throw you a party soon, like she does with everypony that come to Ponyville.”

“Yeah, I had that feeling,” I say, already knowing this information, “At least I can expect to be surprised now.” I finish, smiling.

Yeah, wouldn’t want you to pass out for 14 hours again.

“Yeah, I guess.” Twilight says, smiling.

I take out my phone and look at the time; 9:00 PM. I should get home soon, I don’t want to intrude.

“Well, I’d best be going home now.” I announce, standing up, “It was nice meeting you all.”

“Goodbye, Danny,” Everypony waves to me as I walk towards the door, “It was nice meeting you too.”

I have to crouch to get through the door, as it was designed with ponies in mind, not humans. As soon as I’m out, I look around. Not seeing any ponies, I decide to head home.

This must be the most abandoned city in all of Equestria

Within no time at all, I had reached the trail that led to where my house was. I pull out my mp3 and put on ‘Strobe’ by Deadmau5. It’s going to be a long walk home, and I have nothing but happiness on my mind.

It’s not a long walk maybe two miles and that is stretching it. But I would be interested in how he found his way home in the pitch black since his house landed outside of the city and I presume there is no lighting on the road that he is using. Also, listening to music while making your way home anywhere in the dark is dangerous, usually when nighttime comes so do the predators.

Wow, that was a long chapter, I hope you liked it. I really have no plan for these events,

No really?

I just think of them as I write them.

I can tell.

From now on, I plan for every chapter to be 1.5k+ words,

That’s more of a decision that was made by the host site of this fic FIMfiction which states that any fiction will be disapproved if it is under 1K words.

but that’s just an idea, they may be shorter. Overall, though, I see them getting longer. Random Quote: “I Pwned you, n00b!”-any one of the thousands of seven year olds on Xbox Live.

So you should be fitting right in with the crowd on Xbox Live.

Until next time wonderful patrons!


27 Comments on “1056: A New World – Chapter Four and Five”

  1. S.M.F. says:

    *Starts to be mad at the fic, but is distracted by the poro.*
    D’aww, so cute! /^.^\

  2. The Crowbar says:

    Man, I wish Dash had impacted with enough speed to instantly brain him…

    Sure, she’d be absolutely horrified and scarred for life, but at least she’d be spared his inane dribble.

  3. AdmiralSakai says:

    \We don’t have any special talents to get us by, like flying, breathing fire, or magic.

    Wait, did he just imply that he thinks Earth Ponies can breathe fire???

    • The Crowbar says:


      That would be a pretty awesome pest control method.

      “That rat is trying to eat our crops! We’re having barbeque tonight!”

  4. AdmiralSakai says:

    ” No, but I need to choose the song. Some of the songs aren’t really, um, good for you, they swear a lot and stuff.”

    I must ask what is swearing to a pony? This is another world so do the same rules apply as they would on Earth? Would they know that Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, CockSucker, MotherFucker, and Tits are 7 things you can’t say on television?

    I remember addressing this in an old MLP RP I did with some friends- there, while ponies definitely had profanity, the scale of its intensity was reversed so that their “Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, CockSucker, MotherFucker, and Tits” were our “Goshdarnit to Heck” and vice versa. Which meant that AJ’s little “what the hay”s basically turned her into some kind of profanity fountain.

  5. infinity421 says:

    Earth is a complete shit hole and the “never plans on going back.”

    Oh, joy. Another misanthrope for the collection, I presume?

    • The Crowbar says:

      Yay, indeed!

      And somewhere in the next 2 weeks I will (finally) finish my next chapter of “Philosopher of Earth”!

      (Not the “Philosopher” should be in 15 million fucking quotation marks.)

  6. agigabyte says:

    Hi there, person I have never seen. Would you be interested in a tour of Teen Fortress 2 or a viewing of the talkfest show with special guests?

  7. GhostCat says:

    Ah shit fire and save matches.

    :Adds to List-o-Swearing:

  8. TacoMagic says:

    Sorry this took so long, I wrote the first draft and it sucked.

    Oh, the irony.

  9. TacoMagic says:


    As is the eighth spirit. Like, the third+ revision.

  10. TacoMagic says:

    “Well, this might be hard for you ponies to comprehend, but most people in my world are assholes.

    Case in point…

  11. TacoMagic says:

    “Give us an example of this technology”, Twilight requests, moving closer to me.

    Well, a great example is the large hadron collider that’s on it’s way to unraveling the very secrets of the univer-

    “One example is this,” I say as I show them my mp3 player, “My mp3 player.”

  12. GhostCat says:

    I can just see an archangel dressed in home-boy swag strapped up, riding a horse that’s a low rider that somehow has spinners on it.


    … I think my brain just melted.

  13. TacoMagic says:

    I hear the yellow pony say in a whispering tone.


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