992: The talkfest show with special guests – Chapter Two

Title: The talkfest show with special guests
Author: Sadielover1470
Media: Star Wars Rebels
Topic:  Television / Cartoons
Genre: Romance
URL: Chapter Two
Critiqued by agigabyte

Hello guys, I’m back with another chapter of “Twelve year old schoolgirl’s wet dream”..Uh, I mean “the talkfest show with special guests”. Let’s jump right in.

hi guys I am back and have got positive stuff about the story so I will continue but I am not so sure that might be the case for another of my story called keep falling down and the truth or dare surprise but only time will tell on with the story.

Yes, those two reviews. Such substance.

Chapter 2

“Well that was eventful now Ezra choose somebody and don’t be shy” Natalia said smiling gleefully whilst leaning her head on nicks shoulder.

I didn’t know multiple small cuts could have a shoulder.

Ezra’s eyes flitted round each rebel and person his eyes finally rested on a certain mandolorian dressed in modern clothes that she wouldn’t be caught dead in but then there was a clash and bang coming from the back room. At this the goddess smiled and excused herself as she went to see what the commotion was and a few moments later so did nick as he went to join his girlfriend.

Damnit, I was hoping that this version of that mandalorian would be caught dead in them so I wouldn’t have to see anymore butchering of that character.

There was an awkward silence between the rebels. After 30 mins the two immortals came out a girl looking about 12 walked out with them. She smiled warmly and sat down on a teal blue seat that had magically appeared for some weird reason. “Hello everyone my name is cherry periwinkle and I am Natalia’s sister”

I believe you are looking for thirty seconds, not thirty “mins”.

Cherry’s outfit was a cherry red dress with red heels and red bangles and bracelets covering her arms. Her appearance was strawberry blonde hair, blue crystal eyes and cherry red lips. Her voice was like bells tinkling, she like her sister wore a blood red cape but it covered her shoulders. Natalia smiled and gestured for Ezra to choose someone.

Thesaurus abuser! I also get the feeling that Cherry is an author insertion and a Mary Sue.

He pointed at cherry and spoke “Truth or dare cherry” She smiled and snapped her fingers a glass of red wine appeared in her hands and her form flickered to a different age. Her outfit had hardly changed but her hair was longer and her eyes were an intense blue still the same colour different shade. Her age this time was 20/21. An intense fire flicked in her blue eyes as she spoke again “Dare”

Please don’t forget words. “still the same color different shade” makes little sense.

Ezra audibly gulped glancing at Sabine for answers. She just shook her head trying not to get involved. Ezra spoke his voice a mere whisper” I dare you to kiss every male in the room and rate them” Cherry smiled and uncrossed her slender long legs.

“slender long legs”, yep, definitely a poorly disguised author insertion Mary Sue.

Pushing herself up onto her legs she inspected her victims and walked over to her victim no 1 Ezra. She leaned over him moving back so he can get up and then proceed to crush her lips to his, then as quick as it happened she pulled away just like that and snapped her fingers a red pen appeared in the awaiting palms as she wrote in a red notebook the rating.

Yep, no more verification needed.

She moved onto victim number 2 Kanan She walked over her heels clicking against the polished wooden flooring, Hera gave her a look but then gestured proceed. Cherry nodded and pulled her lips against kanan’s. She spent a while staring at her notebook but with a flourish wrote something down. She then moved onto zeb and nick cause chopper can’t kiss.

:headdesk:

“cause chopper can’t kiss”. Well no shit, Sherlock! He’s a droid! We didn’t expect a make out scene between the 12/20/21 year old goddess and the robot.

Cain: I actually did. I’m surprised that this shitfest didn’t have one.

She finally sat down and checked her notebook and spoke “Ezra is an 8, kanan is 9, zeb’s 8 and a half and nick is an 5 because kissing dad is just plain gross” A murderous look appeared in Natalia’s eyes as everyone else had a shocked expression look on their faces except nick who looked sheepish. “Yes I am their daughter and shut your gobs everyone I mean we can’t all tell the truth can we there are worst secrets kept then this one I’ll tell you now”. Cherry then sat down like nothing had ever happened, the dark tone in her voice as she looked around worried and anxious.

:headdesk:

:headdesk:

:headdesk:

Is this your attempt at writing in conflict?! Fucking seriously?! No! I refuse! I Fucking refuse!

*Walks off to take a soak in the brain bleach hot tub*

Cain: Well, I guess I’ll take over. By the way, I won’t have any different personality from agig because he’s too lazy to write that in.

agig yelling: Dammit, stop breaking the fifth wall!

Cain: Anyway, I would like to say that the egyptian gods’ system of being both siblings and children/parents of other gods is a bold move. Moving on.

Unknown pov
“We’ve tracked them to the goddess’s hideout and we will find them inquisitor”

A voice in shadows spoke “Good get them at the next opportunity”. I gasped and feared for the people they were tracking I opened my holophone and contacted my agent “Hello this is princess we’ve got a problem”

Cain: Oh boy. So, we have an unknown PoV (Presumably a spy) marked with PoV tags, a character with the codename “princess”, and agents of the inquisitor who managed to track “them” to the hideout of the [bold]Goddess Of Time.[/bold]  Just wonderful.

Back at the studio

Sabine’s POV

What did cherry mean by They have worst secrets I wander I might ask Natalia later. I turned my attention to the fuming goddess who was having an argument with the younger girl who had changed back to her 12 form but Natalia had kept her 26 form. Their argument must have been bad because it involved a lot of arm waving and pointing. Of course I couldn’t make any sense of it so I kept quiet and walked over to Hera who was standing and pacing which is never a good sign.

:snerk:

Cain: So, we have another PoV tag, “12 form” and “26 form”, and Hera standing and pacing being a bad time. What? agig paces all the time and it’s never a bad sign.

Hera came over and started taking in a rush”I am really worried sabine and have no idea of what to do please help” I put my hands out to stop her and calm her down because she hyperventilating and was looking a little tipsy and lightheaded

:snerk:

Cain: That sounds absolutely nothing like Hera. At all.

All of a sudden there was a crash and I blacked out but not before I heard shouting, screaming and crying.

Cliff-hanger oh no what will happen don’t panic guys I will update but I have been busy plus I’ve got a guitar lesson tomorrow so

see you in rainbowtopia

sadieloverxxx

Cain: Here’s what will happen next. The protagonists will be caught off guard and slaughtered by the agents of the inquisitor, leaving the galaxy to die but ending this shitfest. Sadly that isn’t how the next chapter turns out.

Cain and agig out.

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24 Comments on “992: The talkfest show with special guests – Chapter Two”

  1. AdmiralSakai says:

    Her age this time was 20/21.
    That’s not an age, that’s a visual acuity.

  2. AdmiralSakai says:

    Pushing herself up onto her legs she inspected her victims

    Then what was supporting her torso before??

  3. SC says:

    the two immortals

    Star Wars.

    Immortals.

    Unless cloning, not sure if trolling…

    (Also, hi! Forgot to introduce myself last week! Good to have you at the Library!)

  4. SC says:

    I see we’ve got multiple characters doing the riff.

    Not sure if it’s Ert’s book or mine or what, but you’ve appeared (at first glance, at least, this could just be your own method) to have taken a page from somebody’s book, and I approve.

    • agigabyte says:

      The character of Cain Dwight is based off of an OC in a fanfic for FTL: Faster Than Light. Sadly, I take forever to right (due to being a perfectionist) and so it will take forever to release.

      • SC says:

        Buddy, both my fics are stuck at chapter three due to laziness. Trust me, I understand how that goes.

      • agigabyte says:

        *write

      • SC says:

        I’ve made worse spelling goofs, one letter isn’t terrible.

        Seriously, ask anybody about the time my phone kept replacing words with other words that weren’t what I was typing, and it changed the context of my whole comment.

  5. SC says:

    “Hello everyone my name is cherry periwinkle

    Permission to turn Cherry Periwinkle into a mock-up of Serious Sam for shits and giggles?

  6. SC says:

    agig paces all the time and it’s never a bad sign.

    True story, I pace around the room sometimes while listening to music to help fuel my imaginative juices when it’s quiet in the room.

  7. X Equestris says:

    I don’t even know what to say. This chapter makes slightly more sense than the last one, but that’s not saying much.

  8. TacoMagic says:

    hi guys I am back and have got positive stuff about the story so I will continue but I am not so sure that might be the case for another of my story called keep falling down and the truth or dare surprise but only time will tell on with the story.

    *Taco’s brain falls over, panting heavily*

    Sweet, crap author! Your author’s notes shouldn’t induce neural hypoxia!


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