990: Beauty within the beast – Chapters 1 & 2

Title: Beauty within the beast
Author: Sessh-Amy
Media: Movie
Topic:  The Beauty and The Beast
Genre: Romance/Drama
URL: Chapter 1
URL: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Ghostcat 

Hello and Happy Friday the Thirteeth, my loverly Patrons!

We’ve arrived at the beginning of another fic! Such a happy moment, so full of promise and anticipation.

:takes a deep breath:

Ahh! I can smell it in the air!

:lapses into coughing fit:

Shinobi-san, I think it’s time to change the plug-in.

This new fic comes from ff.net’s The Beauty and the Beast section, and is both better and worse than the last TBatB fic I offered. It’s better because it doesn’t rip off the film line for line, but it is worse because it is only tangentially linked to the source materials. A few of you might remember that I mentioned to Herr in the comments section that there are Gaston/Beast yaoi fics out in the world, well guess what?

This is one of them.

You can tell because the summary is little more than a warning;

This is a yaoi! Warning! Yaoi means boy x boy, so if you dont like, dont read. pairing-Gaston and Adam beast please leave reviews OCC

Don’t worry, it is free of lemons – but if you are uncomfortable with homosexual relationships you might want to give this fic a pass.

Once upon a time, in a far away land,

It is a period of civil war. Rebel spaceships, striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil Galactic Empire.

a young prince lived in a shinning castle.

I like mine better.

Although he had everything his heart desired the prince was spoiled selfish and unkind.

Which comes from getting everything your heart desires. I know it is canon, but this is just a recipe for disaster.

As always, Exhibit A

But then one winters night, an old woman came to the castle and offered the prince a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold.

I still think it is strange that this spoiled prince would answer his own door. I know it has to be that way to move the plot forward, but it’s just so illogical.

“Ha ha ha, do you really expect me to let someone as ugly as you stay in my castle?” The prince snickered, “Take your gift and leave my castle,”

Prepare yourself for a kharmic asskicking, Prince Douche.

“Don’t be deceived by my looks, for beauty is found within,” the old woman warned. “Please let me stay for the night,”

This is when it pays to be genre-savvy.

“I am sorry, but you’ll have to find shelter in a near by cave,” The prince said, walking back inside his castle, “au revoir.”

Are there caves nearby? I remember a big forest, but no caves.

When he dismissed her again the old woman’s ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful enchantress. The prince tried to apologies but it was to late for she has seen that there is no love in his heart.

Which she should have been able to tell from his previous behaviour. Seriously, if he had been an asshole his entire life and was nice this one time, would she have given him a pass to continue being a douche?

“You’re selfish, cruel, and show the least bit of love,”

… I was with you until that third thing. I think you word there.

“Please forgive me!”

“I’m sorry my prince, but I must punish you”

By sticking you in a terrible fanfic! MUA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

“Please, I’ll do anything, I’ll give you money, power, anything!”

“I’m sorry,”

Dude, she’s an enchantress. Do you really think your puny mortal ass can offer her anything?

As punishment she transformed him into a hideous beast, and placed a powerful spell on a the castle and all who lived there.

:checks schedule:

Right on cue.

“You will remain this way, until you learn to love someone dearly and truly, your love for that person has to be so strong, that you have to be willing to do anything for that person,”

Wait, what? That’s not how it goes. He has to learn to love another and earn their love in return. Having only one person fall in love would be agony; falling in love with someone who doesn’t love you back is a special kind of hell.

The Enchantress handed the prince the same rose she had offered him before. “When the last petal of the rose falls you will turn back to your normal form, “

:spit-take:

WHAT!?!

That is definitely not how it works. He has to find someone he loves who loves him in return BEFORE the last petal falls or he’ll be a beast forever. The way the author has this worded it it two different things; he should find someone to love, but even if he doesn’t the curse will break by itself when the last petal falls. Takes the bite out of any sense of urgency the fic might have had.

Authors notes*

An Author’s Note, by itself, at the bottom of the page and not inserted at random in the fic?

:sniffles:

That’s so beautiful!

Ayoo :oooo What’s up? Lol sorry I haven’t update this story in a while, I just had writers block and shit :P I’m going to re-write this story because maybe my writers block will leave? IDK hopefully I still have readers out there. Enjoy my re-written story :D

But it’s a pointless little chatty note that has nothing to do with the chapter or the fic. That’s disappointing. On to the next chapter, then!

“LeFou, my riffle,” Gaston ordered in a whisper,

:snerk:

He wants his what?

he extended his hand out to grab the weapon.

Oh, a rifle! Oh, that’s not a good sign. If such a simple word has been misspelled then that would be an indication that there was no spell-check done on this chapter – and possibly the entire fic.

He and LeFou are hiding behind a large oak tree, trying not to scare away a deer they have spotted.

Oh, this should be interesting.

“Coming Gaston,” LeFou said, running to Gaston with his rifle in hand.

:headdesk:

I thought they were hiding behind the same tree? How big is this thing that Le Fou can run over to Gaston? And why isn’t Gaston already holding a weapon? He’s supposed to be this great hunter!

I’m guessing the author has never been hunting before. Deer have fairly poor daytime vision, they rely heavily on scent and sound, but they are good at detecting movement and have the built-in prey response of running away from anything that could be considered dangerous. Running towards a deer is the last thing you want to do – even if you could manage to stay completely quiet while doing so, which is unlikely.

While running to Gaston LeFou tripped over a branch and dropped the weapon to the ground, making it shoot a bullet into the sky.

Bwa? He dropped the rifle in such a way that it discharged into the air? How? If Le Fou was holding it vertically with the barrel pointed up then the butt would have struck the ground first, where the wood would absorb most of the force and any remaining would travel upwards towards the barrel. The trigger has to be pulled backwards to fire, which would be the opposite direction, and I doubt whatever force makes it through from a little bump would be enough to move the firing pin and set off the weapon by itself.

Startled by the noise the deer quickly ran away from its spot.

:waves:

I don’t know what was keeping it from doing that before the gun went off.

“Damn, it got away!” Gaston cursed as he slapped LeFou in the back of the head.

Oh, look – visual humor. :eye-twitch: That’s always fun.

“Ouch…I’m sorry Gaston,” LeFou said, rubbing at his head.

Don’t worry, little dude. It was bound to run off eventually. It’s Gaston’s own fault for not carrying the rifle in his hands when he’s deliberately out hunting.

Gaston grabbed his riffle and started to walk to the direction the deer ran to. “Go back to the village and get me more bullets,” he said.

Dude, you haven’t even fired the rifle yet. Why do you need more bullets? Don’t tell me you went hunting without them?

“But you already have bullets,” LeFou said, confused.

I’m confused as well.

“Are you refusing an order?” Gaston asked, glaring at LeFou. Shivers ran down LeFou’s back spine. How he feared, but at the same time loved, Gaston’s glares.

Looks like someone has a touch of masochist in them.

If Le Fou’s that much of a boot-licking lackey, why not just order him to go back? He apparently likes that kind of thing.

“No-No I’m not, I’ll g-go get them,” LeFou stuttered as he quickly ran towards the direction of the village, falling over another branch on the way.

Gaston smirked, oh how he loved having a monkey like LeFou around.

Hmmm…

:ninja appears:

“Shall one summon the clan to apply the bolt-tape to Taco-san?”

I don’t think this one will be a problem, sensei. Gaston’s acting like a conceited jackass, so this might be a justified use of the expression. Keep the clan on alert, though. Smirks travel in packs.

He walked towards the path the deer ran off to.

Gaston isn’t thinking of following the deer, is he? Does he know how fast a frightened deer can run?

When he finally spotted the deer again

Bullshit he did!

he accidentally stepped on a twig, making a big cracking sound.

He’s running through a forest and manages to step on only one twig? Is he part elf?

Alarmed, the deer ran away again towards an unknown area of the forest.

Well, that was pointless.

“Damn,” Gaston hissed, hesitant about following the deer into the unknown area.

You followed it this far into the Void, why not a little bit farther?

But his pride as a hunter and a man forced him to follow the deer.

Pride, stupidity; it’s often the same thing, really.

Gaston walked slowly though the forest.

Which is really going to help him find that deer that just ran away as fast as it could.

This area of the forest was darker for some reason, the temperature dropped, and the tress were all dead.

Dear diary, today I found a scary forest. It was cold and the trees were dead. The end.

There were strange noises that Gaston has never heard before and he could have sworn he heard someone scream.

If you find an abandoned summer camp, run away.

Fear got the better of him as he decided to head back to the village until suddenly

And likely from behind.

he saw a large figure moving about. Amazed by the size of the creature, Gaston decided to take it back to the village. He would be a hero for killing such a large beast.

Except you’re alone, a long way from the village, with no means of transporting a large dead animal anywhere. Even a modest sized deer weighs around two hundred pounds, the Beast probably weighs much more. And there’s probably wolves or other predators that would be draw by the scent of a fresh kill.

‘Twice the size of a human,’ Gaston thought, smirking to himself.

“Now, Ghostcat-sama?”

Yeah. :hands over bolt-tape: This one will definitely set Taco off.

He quietly walked towards the large animal.

Oh, now he’s quiet. If the racket he was making earlier didn’t scare off the creature, then nothing will.

He hid behind the nearest tree and aimed his riffle at it. He pulled the trigger three times until the creature fell to the ground.

:yawns:

Daybook writing at its finest, Patrons. If this is supposed to be exciting or suspenseful, it is failing.

Two bullets went through the creatures back, one bullet broke off its horn.

AND HE DID NOTHING?!?

Beast just stood there and let Gaston shoot him four times and never growled or screamed or even turned around? I know he was pretty apathetic in the beginning, but this is ridiculous.

Gaston slowly approached the creature and kicked it, making sure it was dead.

DID HE JUST KILL THE BEAST?!?

It’s the first frickin’ chapter of a fic that’s supposed to be a Romance between … Oh! It’s a Hurt/Comfort fic. Kind of extreme to shoot him like that, though.

When the creature didn’t move Gaston grinned and congratulated himself as he circled the body of the creature.

:growls:

Asshat.

It seemed to have had a lion like mane and…human clothing?

Oh, that’s never a good sign when you’re hunting.

He looked closer, the creature had two horns(one broken), and large paws.

Is that all the description of the Beast the audience is going to get? What a rip.

‘What type of animal is this?’ he thought as the creature jerked from its spot.

He’s not really any one animal but a blend of seven different ones, too bad the audience will never know that.

In a matter of seconds the beast grabbed Gaston by the neck and smashed him into the ground. It growled loudly in anger.

He’s pretty lively for someone who was shot twice and thought dead.

“How dare you try and kill me!” The beast roared, tightening his grip on Gaston’s neck.

This is partially your fault, honey. You’re a hairy beast who is out in the woods where hunters are known to frequent and didn’t bother running away when Gaston got closer.

“Uug-im-s-ory,” Were the words Gaston was able to choke out. He was losing breath.

I’m gonna call bullshit on that. Beast has massive paws, if he’s choking Gaston then the man’s not going to be able to form coherent words.

Suddenly the beast grip on Gaston’s neck began to loosen, he trembled from above Gaston and collapsed on his body.

Was strangling Gaston supposed to be an allegory for sex? Because that’s creepy.

Gaston pushed the beast off of its body and crawled away, gasping for air. He stared at the beast in shock.

Really creepy.

“…It can talk…” he said to himself as he heard a ruffling noise.

And it’s wearing people clothes, and you shot it twice, plus it just tried to kill you! WHy would talking be the most important fact to take away from this encounter?

“Young Master!” Yelled two voices. Gaston looked at his surroundings, he didn’t see two humans.

Oh, no.

Nope, instead he saw a teapot and a clock run toward the beast body.

:blinks:

A teapot. And a clock. Running. In a forest.

If the narration hadn’t specifically pointed out that they weren’t human, I’d be tempted to say that the author forgot they weren’t supposed to be human. Mrs. Potts and Cogsworth can walk, or hop in Mrs. Potts’ case, but they can’t really move very fast since thet are hampered by their current forms.

“What have you done?” Asked the clock, examining its masters body, making sure its still alive.

Again, the author almost appears to forget that Cogsworth is a small mantle clock. Cogsworth can’t examine the Beast’s body, not without climbing all over him like  he’s a furry jungle gym.

“Uh…I,” Gaston said trying to form words in his mouth. He had a feeling that he hit his head on something hard and is now hallucinating.

Shouldn’t he be gasping and choking from his near-throttling? That would have far more impact that any possible knock to his noggin. And if he did hit his head hard enough to hallucinate sentient crockery, then he’s going to die of an aneurysm very soon.

“He’s losing a lot of blood,” Yelled the pot, “we got to take him back to the castle!”

Again – the Beast is gigantic. They have a teapot and a clock. I don’t think he’s going anywhere.

“Monsieur, please help us,” The clock begged Gaston.

:facepalm:

You’re boss is laying there with bullet wounds in him, and there is presumably a rifle nearby in the Void, and Gaston’s the only one in the area who could have done it. Is this really the guy you want to ask for help? Do you really think he would do anything?

Gaston stood up, “S-sure.” He grabbed the beast’s arm, putting it around his shoulder and slowly lifted the beast up.

:headdesk:

“Un, he’s pretty heavy,” he said, “Where do I take him?”

Well, I know where the author would like for you to take him. I’ve read some of her other fics.

“Just follow us,” the teapot said, leading the way.

“Thank you,” the clock said, following the pot.

They’re letting him do all that work? That make sense, since they are tiny in comparison, but what would they have done if he said no? Or if he wanted to drag the Beast back to his taxidermist’s place? It isn’t like they could have stopped him. Gaston’s an unrepentant douche, so it would be out of character for him to do something nice for someone unless it benefited him in some way.

Gaston struggled carrying the beast. He kept on walking until he saw the pot and the clock walk into the gates of a large castle.

Woah! That castle popped up out of nowhere! The SDQF’s aim has really improved.

That’s it for this time, Patrons! See you next time with another pair of chapters.

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47 Comments on “990: Beauty within the beast – Chapters 1 & 2”

  1. Herr Wozzeck says:

    a young prince lived in a shinning castle.

    “Shinning” castle?

    *cringe*

    I do not want to know…

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      I am imagining a castle built over an underground stream, with a waterwheel and a complex system of belts and gears that powers essentially a series of reverse manual rotors throughout the structure, each horizontal, moving at a fairly high speed, and located ~1 foot off the floor.

  2. Herr Wozzeck says:

    Are there caves nearby? I remember a big forest, but no caves.

    Well, I mean, the bats that give Maurice that scare at one point had to come from somewhere, don’t you know.

  3. Herr Wozzeck says:

    Takes the bite out of any sense of urgency the fic might have had.

    I think you meant “completely neuters whatever urgency the story had”.

  4. Herr Wozzeck says:

    “LeFou, my riffle,” Gaston ordered in a whisper,

    *snerk*

    Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please? Come marvel at the wondrous feats, the impossible happenings, the wondrous things that unfold…

    Come see the miracles of the one, the only, Gaston the Magnificent!

    *fanfare*

  5. Herr Wozzeck says:

    I’m guessing the author has never been hunting before.

    At least he isn’t worse at hunting than Aion-Sue…

  6. Herr Wozzeck says:

    I don’t think this one will be a problem, sensei. Gaston’s acting like a conceited jackass, so this might be a justified use of the expression.

    And if some chapters of Subject 23 were any indication, we should be fine.

    *wipes forehead*

    • GhostCat says:

      Gaston’s going to be a tricky case; he’s the sort of smug jackass who would be inclined to smirk, but often it isn’t appropriate to the situation.

  7. Herr Wozzeck says:

    He pulled the trigger three times until the creature fell to the ground.

    *frowns*

    Taco! Can you verify that he’d be able to reload three times while using a hunting rifle?

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      I think this is one of those of-so-useful Black Powder Age semiauto rifles.

    • GhostCat says:

      Repeating rifles don’t need to be reloaded after every shot, but I can’t remember when they were invented. It was prior to The War Between the States, though.

      • Gaston’s weapon from the film is a muzzle-loading flintlock blunderbuss. It should not be capable of firing multiple shots without reloading. However, I’m pretty sure that it does demonstrate that ability during Gaston’s villain song.
        However, this also means that landing on its stock could lead to a discharge. Flintlocks are not inherently safe guns. I could easily see the hammer being jarred loose.

      • Doing a bit more research, BatB must be set after the Baroque period, due to one of Cogsworth’s lines and obviously before the French Revolution. Possible repeating rifles (all unlikely) are the Girandoni air rifle, the Cookson repeater, or the Kalthoff repeater.

      • Herr Wozzeck says:

        And you just gave my opera directing teacher the idea to set “Beauty and the Beast” The Musical right before the French Revolution.

        Good job, Ghostie. Good job.

      • GhostCat says:

        You can’t blame me, it’s Disney’s fault!

      • Colonel deFraug says:

        The Girandoni was developed in 1779, and was adopted by the Austrian army in 1780.
        The Cookson was from 1750.
        Kalthoffs appeared in the 17th century, and are thought to be used by Danish forces in 1658.

  8. Herr Wozzeck says:

    Beast has massive paws, if he’s choking Gaston then the man’s not going to be able to form coherent words.

    I think our author confused “holding Gaston over the edge of the castle by his cape” with “choking”…

  9. AdmiralSakai says:

    Once upon a time, in a far away land,

    It is a period of civil war. Rebel spaceships, striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil Galactic Empire.

    a young prince lived in a shinning castle.

    I like mine better.

    You know, they aren’t mutually exclusive.

  10. AdmiralSakai says:

    Wait, what? That’s not how it goes. He has to learn to love another and earn their love in return. Having only one person fall in love would be agony; falling in love with someone who doesn’t love you back is a special kind of hell.

    I never thought that was at all fair, as it allows the Beast to be damned through absolutely no fault of his own.

    Since this enchantress can obviously sense emotions and psychological states, couldn’t she just check internally to see if he had been redeemed instead of seeing if he had been redeemed and become socially capable?

    (Granted, the whole thing might have been done under false premises as a sort of test, but as I understand it the actual events of the film/story suggest that the spell works as advertised.)

    • GhostCat says:

      The spell doesn’t even specify that it must be romantic love, every just assumes that it has to be. If he became very close friends with someone, that could also meet the requirements of the curse.

      • AdmiralSakai says:

        Which is very true (and a fact I wish more analysts and ‘ficcers would explore), but that still leaves the Beast’s redemption in the hands of other people, who may or may not reciprocate his feelings for just or unjust reasons. He could become the kindest person alive, but if the people he helps and forms deep bonds with are themselves self-centered assholes who don’t recognize what they did for them, he’d still be stuck.

      • GhostCat says:

        True; it would require that the Beast find someone who shows the capacity to make close friends, which would mean in a realistic scenario that he would have to research his potential friend/love interest. It would be far more calculating than the standard “wait for the Fates to drop my One True Love in my lap” that the traditional tale follows.

  11. TacoMagic says:

    By sticking you in a terrible fanfic! MUA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

  12. TacoMagic says:

    Gaston smirked, oh how he loved having a monkey like LeFou around.

    Oh not you don-

    Oh, Gaston. Right.

    *Checks his list-o-jackasses*

    Yes, you are on the list. This way to the smirking lounge, you glorious, smirking bastard.

    • TacoMagic says:

      ‘Twice the size of a human,’ Gaston thought, smirking to himself.

      Gaston? What’s going on in the smirking lounge? Better not be any random smirking in MY lounge. Gaston!? GASTO-

      *Bold-taped to the marquee*

      Mmmf.

  13. The Crowbar says:

    “Ha ha ha, do you really expect me to let someone as ugly as you stay in my castle?” The prince snickered,

    Wh- What?

    He seriously…

    *sigh*

  14. The Crowbar says:

    …Holy shit, I’ve been in the Library for a year!

    My first comment was March 13, 2014!

    Why do I feel so accomplished right now?

  15. infinity421 says:

    Beauty Within The Beast.

    That… is one hell of a bad pun…


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