966: My Job On Australian Wheel Of Fortune – Chapter Five

Title: My Job On Australian Wheel Of Fortune
Author: Geaney1992
Media: Television
Topic:  Wheel of Fortune
Genre: Fantasy/Friendship
URL: Chapter Five
Critiqued by Lyle

Happy President’s Day, USA Patrons!  Happy Monday to everyone else!  Welcome back to the next chapter of the most luke-warm fic ever written. I see everyone did their homework.  Ghostie, yours get a gold star.

Anyway, last time on Majohawofe, Keirain returned to work and, due to foam football trauma, reenacted the stomach-bursting scene from Alien.  Adriana was in the thick of things again, yelling at everyone, because Keirain cannot defend himself and has to rely on Mother Hens.  He seems to have the responsibility level of a ten year old.

Chapter V: Siren

I’m guessing this is an allusion to Adriana since all she’s really done is  baby Keirain and screech at the other hosts.

Deeks is now being charged with assault (At Adriana’s insistence)

Again, because Keirain is incapable of making his own decisions.  This woman is an utter control freak.  It feels insulting to her memory to have her treated thus.

“WHAT?” He demanded

“I’m a afraid you’ll have to come with us” the police stated

They get in the car

That’s about the most uneventful arrest ever.  It would have been more entertaining if Deeks had resisted, but when has this fic ever shown any interest in making us actually want to keep reading it?

Kierain has fallen asleep in his dressing room

What is he doing in his dressing room?  Wasn’t he bleeding all over the place not that long ago?  If you have an active suture site and you burst your sutures, you can’t just slap a fucking band-aid on it and tootle back off to doing whatever it was you were doing beforehand.  You need to be heading for the doctor to get that fixed.

“Honey?” Adriana cooed as she entered

“It’s time to get ready for school.  Don’t forget to brush your widdle teef.  I made Mickey Mouse pancakes for breakfast!”

“Sweetheart we’re on” she said shaking him

You’re shaking someone with an open and oozing suture site.

*grabs her sledgehammer*

*THWACK!*

“44!” Kierain said waking suddenly

“Oh” he said realizing where he was

While you wake up, I’m going to take a nap until something interesting happens.

“Are you sure you should be here?” Adriana asked

A voice of reason?!

“Sure I’m sure” Kierain replied

“Okay” Adriana said slightly worried

You can tell the author is in love with Zomb-Adriana.  She doesn’t boss him around, coddles him, and lets him do whatever he wants while she screams at anyone who dares touch him.  It’s kind of creepy.

Later…

*twitch*

“Now arriving at Marumbeena” the train stated

*le Googling!*

I… just… what?

Does this author actually live in Australia?  Because he’s not doing a very good job of proving it at this point.

*drags out the chalkboard*

1.) It’s spelled Murrumbeena, not Marumbeena.

2.) Wheel of Fortune’s Australian version was filmed in Adelaide, a city in South Australia.  I’ve actually been there.  It’s quite lovely and the people are incredibly nice.

3.) Murrumbeena is in the territory of Victoria and is a whopping 458 miles (737 km) away from Adelaide.   By car, it takes over 8 hours to get there.

4.) There is no train that travels directly between the two cities.

01

See that train symbol grayed out? No. Train.

“Ah no I missed my stop but I’m on the wrong line anyway” Kierain stated

Assuming there actually is a train that runs straight from Adelaide to Murrumbeena, don’t you think you would have noticed you’re on the wrong line when the train makes it’s departure announcement.  Also, the fact that your commute home is taking 8 hours might have tipped you off.

He calls his father

“Dad can you come and get me?” he asked

His father sighs

It’s an 8 hour drive.  This is your idiotic mistake.  Pull up your big-boy panties and deal with it like an adult.

“I CAN’T BE DOING THIS!” He screamed over the phone

Wow… that’s a bit of an over-reaction, don’t you think?  Or is this something Kierain does often to the point that you’ve cracked?

“AH WELL STUFF YOU TOO THEN! Kierain retorted

“DON’T SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!” His father snapped

Cool it with the cap-locks, Geaney.  There are far more effective ways to get across to your readers that your characters are upset at each other.

“JUST RACK OFF IF YOU’RE GOING TO BE A JERK DAD NO WONDER YOU’RE A LONER!” Kierain snapped before hanging up

Harsh.

He calls Adriana

“Can you get me out of here?” he asked

“Sure honey” Adriana replied

An 8-hour drive is nothing.  Why don’t you just move in with her and have her wipe your ass while you’re at it.

I loathe this character.  He’s such a useless twatwaffle that he can’t even fend for himself.  A zombie Letter-Girl has to do everything for him.

Within minutes Adriana was there to save the day

197

Adriana has discovered the secret of teleportation.

How in the-

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????– did she get to Murrumbeena in only a couple minutes?!  How in the –

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

– does this guy, who is supposed to live in that country have no idea where the cities are in relation to each other?!

“You just leave your father to me” she replied

Just like everything else in life, apparenlty.

These two have worked together for all of a handful of days.  Why the fuck is she showing such an overbearing interest in him?

Later

“Who are… his dad began

SLAP!

“Nice father” Adriana snapped sarcastically before walking off

Kierain’s dad stood stunned in the doorway

…Her solution to dealing with his dad is to assault him?

*blink blink*

Did she learn nothing from Deeks?!  She was the one that insisted that Kierain press assault charges against a man she’d worked with for over ten years, but she has no qualms whatsoever with slapping the father of a man-baby that she’s only known for a week or so?

GAH!

Thankfully that’s the end of this chapter.  See you all next week!  We’re almost done with it!

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25 Comments on “966: My Job On Australian Wheel Of Fortune – Chapter Five”

  1. AdmiralSakai says:

    He calls his father

    “Dad can you come and get me?” he asked

    His father sighs

    It’s an 8 hour drive. This is your idiotic mistake. Pull up your big-boy panties and deal with it like an adult.

    “I CAN’T BE DOING THIS!” He screamed over the phone

    Wow… that’s a bit of an over-reaction, don’t you think? Or is this something Kierain does often to the point that you’ve cracked?

    “AH WELL STUFF YOU TOO THEN! Kierain retorted

    “DON’T SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!” His father snapped

    Cool it with the cap-locks, Geaney. There are far more effective ways to get across to your readers that your characters are upset at each other.

    “JUST RACK OFF IF YOU’RE GOING TO BE A JERK DAD NO WONDER YOU’RE A LONER!” Kierain snapped before hanging up

    Well that escalated quickly…

  2. AdmiralSakai says:

    “You just leave your father to me” she replied

    Creeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy.

  3. AdmiralSakai says:

    Kierain has fallen asleep in his dressing room

    He does that a lot. Almost like his brain is especially tiny and only has enough energy to perform basic tasks like walking for a few minutes before shutting down and resetting.

  4. AdmiralSakai says:

    Kierain has fallen asleep in his dressing room

    What is he doing in his dressing room? Wasn’t he bleeding all over the place not that long ago? If you have an active suture site and you burst your sutures, you can’t just slap a fucking band-aid on it and tootle back off to doing whatever it was you were doing beforehand. You need to be heading for the doctor to get that fixed.

    More importantly… why does a CAMERAMAN have a DRESSING ROOM??

  5. AdmiralSakai says:

    I… just… what?

    Does this author actually live in Australia? Because he’s not doing a very good job of proving it at this point.

    *drags out the chalkboard*

    1.) It’s spelled Murrumbeena, not Marumbeena.

    2.) Wheel of Fortune’s Australian version was filmed in Adelaide, a city in South Australia. I’ve actually been there. It’s quite lovely and the people are incredibly nice.

    3.) Murrumbeena is in the territory of Victoria and is a whopping 458 miles (737 km) away from Adelaide. by car, it takes over 8 hours to get there.

    4.) There is no train that travels directly between the two cities.

    Although to be fair, Keiran strikes me as exactly the sort of person who would drive (or walk!) most of the way to another city, get on a train, and then be surprised when he did not end up at home.

  6. Herr Wozzeck says:

    I’m guessing this is an allusion to Adriana since all she’s really done is baby Keirain and screech at the other hosts.

    Sorry, but I think he was thinking this siren:

  7. Herr Wozzeck says:

    I made Mickey Mouse pancakes for breakfast!”

    “Did you make them artistically? You know I like them with the actual face “drawn” in!”

  8. GhostCat says:

    “AH WELL STUFF YOU TOO THEN! Kierain retorted

    “DON’T SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!” His father snapped

    Wow, what a witty comeback. I think you might need treatment for that sick burn.

    :blows silent ninja whistle:

    SENSEI! YOU’RE ON! BRING THE SABER-TOOTHED LEECHES!

  9. Herr Wozzeck says:

    Does this author actually live in Australia? Because he’s not doing a very good job of proving it at this point.

    Well, Lyle, I’m going to hazard a guess and say “no”, myself…

  10. Herr Wozzeck says:

    Or is this something Kierain does often to the point that you’ve cracked?

    Honestly? I wouldn’t put it past his poor hen-pecked father by this point…

  11. Herr Wozzeck says:

    These two have worked together for all of a handful of days. Why the fuck is she showing such an overbearing interest in him?

    I think he’s making the conflation of Adrianna being Katniss Everdeen, while also forgetting that Katniss Everdeen still prioritized family above all else.

    Really, it makes sense if you think of Adrianna having inherited an overblown version of Katniss’ drive to protect the people close to her, and then took away the fact that Prim is actually the emotionally stronger character of the two. Hell, all you have to do is turn Wheel of Fortune into a death match and you’ll have a Hunger Games analogue.

    And honestly, reading that would be a hell of a lot more entertaining than anything this boring-ass fanfic hashed out.

  12. GhostCat says:

    It just occurred to me that this relationship is like a gender-flipped PG version of the one in 50 Shades of Gray. Keirain could probably use a good spanking, though.

    • AdmiralSakai says:

      So, it’s like 50 Shades of Gray without the bondage, smut, purple prose, or implicit sexism.

      So, basically, it’s like 50 Shades of Gray without the only things that 50 Shades of Gray HAD in the first place…

      • GhostCat says:

        There’s a little sexism, but of the “men are useless without a woman to take care of them” variety.

      • The Crowbar says:

        *The Crowbar shudders*

        Why did you have to remind me…

        When I saw the ad for that trite of a movie they shat out plastered on one of my local cinemas, I audibly groaned on a bus. People looked at me weird.

  13. The Crowbar says:

    So the same useless crap these characters go through again.

    Are they actually going to do anything meaningful anytime soon?!

    Jesus, for a fic pretty much made of dialogue between a few people this is pretty fucking horrible…

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